MSTed: "A New Generation" [3/10] (Ratliff)

[Jamie Plummer]

> Chapter Two

Tom: Electric Boogaloo
Crow: Bugaloo
Tom: Boogaloo.
Mike: Soft drink.

>
> On the Romulan Starbase Four, Rear Admiral Riker smiled, as he
> was pushed in to join the Romulan Admiral Soovik. Just five minutes earlier,
> the Enterprise had chosen

Tom [Monty Hall]: Door Number Two!

> its death. Riker was rather pleased with its choice.
> "Riker, explain yourself,

Mike [Riker]: "Well, Roddenbury pitched me as the up-and-coming
second-in-command, and quite the ladies' man. I'd like to think
there's more to me that, though."

> you surrender your ship and then, after your crew
> leave, it moves into the middle of my fleet and blows itself up," Soovik
> related.

Crow: "Soovik *related*"?! What, is he in therapy?

> "I've just lost two ships and had three more damaged as a result
> of your little ploy."

Mike [Riker]: "How did you Deanna's pet name for my ... oh. You said *ploy*.
Nevermind."

> "I told you it was a mistake to capture us," Riker replied.
> "Its going to be fun to see you go down."
> "Oh I'm going nowhere," Soovik responded.

Tom: Soovik's like that. A real nowhere man.

> "That's right, nowhere but down." Riker rejoined. "By the way,
> Soovik, did you even bother to guard my crew?"

Crow [Pooh]: Oh, bother.

> "Of course I did," Soovik stated. "Why?"
> "Just wondered."
>
> Fleet Admiral Jean-Luc Picard was sitting in on the Ship Naming
> Commission

[Mike and the bots gasp for breath]
Mike: Yes, Captain, we'll consider the USS Arthur Conan Doyle. Now, please,
get off of my chest.

> meeting, in hopes of encouraging their action. There was a
> new Nova Class Starship ready to be commissioned, which still needed
> a name. Since it was ready to enter service, a name was rather important.

Crow: "Names are important." This story is about as insightful as "Free to
Be, You and Me."

> As he observed the debate, his Chief of Staff, Lieutenant Sirek
> entered the room. Sirek had come

Tom: ... from a stamp auction in New England.

> highly recommend from both his academy
> professors and his Kid's Crew captain, the Admiral's son in law, Jay.
> The young Vulcan had certainly lived up to expectations.

Mike: Which isn't really saying too much.

> His
> organizational abilities and tact were beyond the usual expectations
> of a twenty year-old. He came around and positioned himself behind
> Picard's left ear. Handing the Fleet Admiral a PADD, he whispered.

Tom: Jay is working as an L.A. on the Hill.

> "I've just confirmed that the Enterprise has been destroyed, and her
> crew captured."
> "Thank you Sirek," Picard responded.

Crow [Picard]: "It's about time Riker was taken care of."

> "Wait here a minute
> please." Then the Fleet Admiral stood up, bringing himself to the
> attention of the Board.

Tom: Wait... Is it a Board or a Committee?
Mike: Maybe it's just a bored committtee.

> "Ladies and Gentlemen, I have some information
> that may have some bearing on your debate. The USS Enterprise has been
> destroyed."
> As soon as Jean-Luc Picard sat down to watch, the chair of the
> board, Admiral Jerico

Crow: ... sat down to fob.

> said, "I place the name Enterprise in nomination.
> Do I have a second?"

Mike: Of course. Can't have a duel without a proper second.

> "Seconded," Admiral Paris responded. "I motion we vote."
> "Seconded," Admiral Yoshida replied.
> "We all know the eligible names," Admiral Jerico stated. "Four
> votes on any name passes. We will go left to right, Paris?"

Tom: That Cafe!

> "Enterprise."
> "Enterprise."

Crow: What was that Rear Admiral's name?

> "Enterprise."
> "Enterprise."

Tom & Crow: JEAN-LUC!

> "Enterprise."

Mike: Guys, we did that one last time.

> "Enterprise."
> "Enterprise."
> "The name Enterprise passes 7-0," Jerico concluded. "As the name
> Enterprise has been granted static number status,

Tom: ... it gets one of those nifty non-adhesive stickers for its windshield.

> the second Nova Class
> Starship shall be designated the USS Enterprise NCC-1701-F."
>
> Captain Marrissa Picard was listening to Vice President Troi's
> complaints after the Vice President had been thrown out of Engineering.

Mike: Back to the College of Arts and Crafts for her.

> Apparently she had no idea how much trouble she had caused Clara and her
> Engineering staff in her attempts to mother hen the Chief Engineer.

Crow: What with the feathers and all.

> "I don't see why I can't visit Engineering," the Ambassador
> stated.
> "Madam Vice President, when it comes to Engineering, I'd prefer
> to let Clara run it as she pleases," Marrissa replied.

Tom: Marrissa's been reading Peter Drucker.

> "After all she
> provides me with the fastest and fittest ship in the fleet."
> "But she threw me out of Engineering," Laxwana replied. "I am ...
> I am not a person to be thrown out like a little child."

Crow [Marrissa]: "That's right. You should be thrown out like and old woman.
Be gone, infidel!"

> "Mrs. Troi, I have read Lieutenant Commander Sutter-Rozhenko's
> report, and Clara has been my best friend for years," Marrissa replied.

Crow [Marrissa]: "At least, that's what it says here."

> "If she got fed up with you enough to throw you out of Engineering,

Mike: She's so stringy, the Donner party would get fed up with her!

> you really must have annoyed her. I know better than to cause her more
> annoyance by reversing her decision, her order stands."
> "But ..." Laxwana began.
> "Bridge to Captain," Alexander's voice interrupted.

Tom [Alexander]: "We thought the author mind need a quick way to end this
conversation. Please, come here immediately."

> "I'll be out there in a minute," Marrissa stated. "Good day
> Mrs. Troi." Marrissa exited the Ready Room onto the Bridge. "What is
> it, Alex?"

Mike: It's Worf's half-human son, but that's not important right now.

> "We are being recalled to Earth," Alexander replied from Ops.

Tom [Alexander]: "The CPSC says we contain small parts that may pose a choking
hazard to kids under three."

> "We are ordered to arrive within twenty-four hours. The whole command
> crew is to report to the Fleet Admiral's Office in dress uniform upon
> arrival."

Crow: Marrissa's having a deb party!

> "Great, I hate that uniform," Marrissa's husband and first
> officer, Commander Jay Gordon commented.
> "Personally, I find it flattering," Marrissa replied.

Tom [Marrissa]: "You look ravishing in Tafetta, my outranked husband."

> "Could that be because it hides your pregnancy better," Jay
> replied, teasing his wife. "Thus seeming to preserving your girlish
> figure?"

Mike: Ew. I did *not* want to think about Marrissa's girlish figure.

> "Hey, tomorrow's my 24th birthday," Marrissa stated defensively.
> "I have a right to want to maintain it.

Tom [Marrissa]: "Baby be damned!"

> Besides you only dislike the
> dress uniform because the collar is uncomfortable. Helm set a course
> for Earth, warp 11."
>

Tom: Let's set a course for outta here, guys.

[1-2-3-4-5-6]

[Virtual SOL bridge]

Crow: Hey guys, I found a way out of here!

Tom: Really?

Crow: Sure. I'm kind of responsible for letting Mother Forrester trap us,
here, so I felt it was the least I could do.

Mike: That's great Crow! What do we do?

Crow: Just follow me!

Crow goes south.
Tom goes south.
Mike goes south.

[Margaritaville Island]
[Around you, palm trees wave and trails lead off in several directions.
A small industry has sprung up here, with guides offering to show you around
the island, rent bikes by the hour or the day, sell you genuine souveniers of
the island, or anything else the weary traveller might want. Luckily, these
guys don't have to worry about the Tax Man...]

Crow: Pull up a deck chair, guys! This is the life!

Mike: Crow...

Crow: Yes, Mike?

Mike: All you did was @build another room! We're still trapped on this idiot
satellite, and we're still text-based avatars!

Crow: C'mon, Mike --

[A shadow is cast over the beach.]

Tom: AAIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Tom: Help!

Crow: What the --

Mike: It looks like Tom is being attacked by ... soup?

Crow: Heh. That shouldn't be in here. The virtual "Earth vs. Soup" set is
off to the west.

Tom: AAAGH! Mock Turtle!

[Commercials]
[Continued in part 4]

Jamie Plummer jc...@virginia.edu http://faraday.clas.virginia.edu/~jcp9j
"It's merely symptomatic of our postmodern ennui. There are no
absolutes unless you perceive our world as meaningless when it's
really your own freedom you detest. I like pork." -- Brak