Ratliff... he's baaaaaaaaaack!!!!!
David Hines
<The Satellite of Love. Mike, Tom and Crow are at the counter eating lunch.>
Crow: I love this, guys! We can see each other's lunchboxes!
Tom: Oh yeah! Cool! I'll go first! Okay, this is my lunchbox. I have a metal "Peanuts"
lunchbox, with the *original* Thermos.
Mike: Wow! Mine's an original "Star Wars" lunchbox. Don't have the Thermos,
though.
Tom: That's pretty neat!
Crow: Neat, nothin'! Check this out! My lunchbox doubles as a lunchbox and
an invention exchange!
Mike: What is it, Crow?
Crow: It's got Stephen Ratliff's notoriously atrocious fanfic "Enterprized"
stamped into it! That way, whenever you get hungry, you read your lunchbox
and you get so queasy you can't even *think* of food! It's a lunchbox for dieters.
Tom: Eeyuch. A lunchbox for bulemics, more like it.
<light flashes>
Mike: Hey, check it out - Geller and Katz are calling. <hits button>
<Deep 13>
Dr. F: Greetings, lab rats! How are you today? Feeling strong?
<The Satellite>
Mike: Well, it's not a scheduled experiment day, but we'll let that slide. Today
Crow has an invention handy; why don't you show 'em, Crow?
Crow: Sure! It's a lunchbox for dieters. You see, it's got "Enterprized," by Stephen
Ratliff, stamped into the side. When you feel hungry, you just read the side....
<Deep 13>
Dr. F: That's disgusting. It sounds like a lunchbox for bulemics!
<Satellite>
Tom: See? What did I tell you, Crow?
<Deep 13>
Dr. F: Our invention works on a similar principal. "Enterprized," the toilet paper.
For those times when an Ex-Lax just isn't enough.
<Satellite>
All: Euuuuuuuu!!!!
<Deep 13>
Dr. F: But there's more! <He goes to a table which has several draped objects
on it, unveiling each one in turn> "Enterprized," the T-shirt! "Enterprized,"
the breakfast cereal! "Enterprized," the flamethrower!
<Satellite>
Mike: "Enterprized," the flamethrower?
<Deep 13>
Dr. F: The kids love it. See?<He points to TV's Frank, who is wearing
"Enterprized" regalia - T-shirt, baseball cap, the works. Frank is holding
a flamethrower in one hand, a pennant reading "Enterprized" in the other.>
Frank: <Completely straight-faced> I love it. I really do.
Dr. F: Anyway, Mortimer Snerd, you don't have an experiment today.
<Satellite>
Mike: Oh. Why the invention exchange, then?
<Deep 13>
Dr. F: Just a polite warning.... <laughs evilly>
<Satellite>
Crow: Well, what did he mean by that?
Mike: I don't know, maybe - <fanfic sign goes off> AAAHH! We've got fanfic
sign!!!
<through the doors>
<Theater>
Tom: I'm scared, guys. There's something funny going on here.
Mike: Yeah. I wonder what he meant by "polite warning."
Crow: Look!
>alt.startrek.creative #8877 (0 + 7 more) (1)
Tom: Uh-oh.
Crow: Tom, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Tom: I hope not...
>From: srat...@rucs2.sunlab.cs.runet.edu (Stephen Ratliff)
All: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
<Tom shakes violently>
Mike: Oh my God! Tom, are you okay?
Tom: <begins speaking in tongues>
Crow: Uh-oh. Mike, duck!
<Mike ducks>
<Tom's head explodes>
>[1] Enterprise parts
Mike: What happened?
Crow: Tom's head exploded. He'll be okay, he just needs a new dome.
Mike: Tom? Can you talk?
Crow: He needs a new dome first. Don't worry, he'll be fine. This has
happened before.
Mike: From just seeing a name?
Crow: Well, no...
>Organization: Radford University
>X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.2 PL0]
Mike: What's PLO?
Crow: Plot Liberation Organization.
Mike: Oh. Thanks, Crow.
>Date: Mon Jan 17 11:24:17 CST 1994
>Lines: 14
>
>Hi
Mike & Crow: Hi, Stephen!
>
> Sorry I haven't posted more of Enterprized.
Crow: We're not.
> The lab wasn't opened intill
>today (1/17). Part 7 will be posted soon. parts 8,9 will follow/
Mike: I see he hasn't learned to proofread yet.
>
> Another story, A Gul's Revenge, will follow in 6 parts. (I was busy over
>break.)
Crow: I *don't* want to know what he was busy doing. <shudders>
>
> Stephen Ratliff
> at Radford University
>
>email : srat...@rucs2.sunlab.cs.runet.edu
>
>Email me for requests for parts
Crow: I want your head on a silver platter!
Mike: Jeez, Crow, that's a little dark.
Crow: Look, he said "parts."
Mike: Yeah, but... oh, it's over. Let's get Tom out of here.
< The Counter. Mike is putting a new dome on Tom. >
Mike: There, Tom. You okay?
Tom: Yeah. I think so. I think I'll need to build up my resistance to... him.
Crow: You mean... Ratliff?
Tom: <jumps in fright> AHH! Where?!
Crow: Ratliff!!
Tom: AAH!
Crow: Ratliff!
Tom: I'm not listening! <runs... er, floats off>
Crow: <Chasing him> Ratliff! Ratliff! Ratliff!
Mike: Hey, Crow, cut that out! <light flashes, he hits the button>
<Deep 13>
Dr. F. : <tries to say something, but is too busy laughing evilly.>
<Satellite>
Mike: That was evil, sir. Really, really evil.
<Deep 13>
Dr. F: <still laughing, motions to Frank to push the button>
Frank: Sorry, Steve - what?
Dr. F: <motions feebly again>
Frank: <shakes head>
Dr. F: <shakes head in frustration. He turns to Frank; holds up 3 fingers>
Frank: Oh, I love charades! Okay, three words...
Dr F: <Holds up 1 finger, hits forearm once>
Frank: First word... one syllable.
Dr F: <pushes Frank>
Frank: Hey! <Pushes Dr. F back>
Dr. F: <shakes head, pushes Frank again>
Frank: Stop pushing me!
Dr. F: <nods, touches his own nose>
Frank: Me! The first word is me!
Dr. F: <shakes head, pushes Frank again.>
Frank: Push! The first word is push!
Dr. F: <nods, touches his own nose. Holds up 3 fingers, hits forearm twice>
Frank: Third word... two syllables.
Dr. F: <holds up 1 finger>
Frank: First syllable...
Dr. F: <bends over and shows Frank his rear end>
Frank: <looks quite puzzled>
Dr. F: <slaps his own rear end>
Frank: <brightening> Tush?
Dr. F: <puts hand over his eyes. points again.>
Frank: Rear? Butt?
Dr. F: <straightens up, turns around, touches own nose>
Frank: The first syllable is butt!!
Dr. F: <shows Frank a button on the Dr.'s lab coat>
Frank: Button? Push... button? <light dawneth> Push the button!
<Frank jumps up and down and claps his hands>
Dr. F: <looks meaningfully at Frank>
Frank: Oh! <he pushes the button>
srat...@rucs2.sunlab.cs.runet.edu:
> The lab wasn't opened intill
>today (1/17). Part 7 will be posted soon. parts 8,9 will follow/
All usual disclaimers apply.
I do not intend to infringe on any copyrights, and I do not intend to make
any personal attacks on anyone.
David Hines
dzh...@midway.uchicago.edu
Ned Raggett
Wasn't the original only about five lines or so? Anyway, great job!