MST3Kd: Green Card Lottery- Final One?
David G White
paperwork)
Mike: Hi, everyone, and welcome to the Satellite of Love. I'm Mike
Nelson, and I'd really love to talk to you right now, but I'm
busy doing my taxes.
Crow: (as the light starts flashing) Hey Mike, the gibbering horrors
from beyond the void of space and time are calling!
Mike: Again?
(scene: Deep 13. Dr. Forrester and Frank are buried shoulder-deep in
paperwork)
Dr F: Ah, Mike. We'd love to send you an invention exchange this week,
but we've got these problems with our taxes.
Frank:Yeah, that's why I'm hacking into top-secret IRS computers to
erase all records of our existance.
Dr. F:Shut up! Anyhow, because we both seem to be busy, I'll waive the
invention exchange this week. Besides, I want to send you this
obnoxious little mass mailing that almost everyone seems to have
recieved. It's called "Green Card Lottery- Final One?" and,
while not particularly annoying, it's definitely omnipresent.
Enjoy!
(scene: The S.O.L.)
Mike: Aaah, we've got Resident Alien sign!
G...6...5...4...3...2...1
ni...@indirect.com wrote:
> Green Card Lottery 1994 May Be The Last One!
Tom: Final Green Card Blowout! At Crazy Green Card's, our prices are
INSANE!
> THE DEADLINE HAS BEEN ANNOUNCED.
>
> The Green Card Lottery is a completely legal program
Mike: All proceeds go to benefit senior citizens.
> giving away a
> certain annual allotment of Green Cards to persons born in certain
> countries.
Crow: All you have to do is bring a certain amount of money to a
certain place at a certain time to get it.
> The lottery program was scheduled to continue on a
> permanent basis. However, recently, Senator Alan J Simpson
Tom: No relation to Homer J Simpson, I hope.
> introduced a bill into the U. S. Congress which could end any future
> lotteries. THE 1994 LOTTERY IS SCHEDULED TO TAKE PLACE
> SOON, BUT IT MAY BE THE VERY LAST ONE.
Mike: Apply now! Supplies are limited! Operators are standing by!
> PERSONS BORN IN MOST COUNTRIES QUALIFY, MANY FOR
> FIRST TIME.
Crow: Wow, how can I get a green card?
Mike: You're a US citizen already!
Crow: I am?
Mike: I think so...
> The only countries NOT qualifying are: Mexico; India; P.R. China;
> Taiwan, Philippines, North Korea, Canada, United Kingdom (except
> Northern Ireland), Jamaica, Domican Republic, El Salvador and
> Vietnam.
Tom: Um, can people from countries other than those afford to
immigrate to the United States?
> Lottery registration will take place soon. 55,000 Green Cards will be
> given to those who register correctly. NO JOB IS REQUIRED.
Mike: The same old dilemma: can't get a job without a Green Card,
can't get a Green Card without a job!
> THERE IS A STRICT JUNE DEADLINE. THE TIME TO START IS
> NOW!!
Crow: THERE'S NO TIME LIKE THE PRESENT! STRIKE WHILE THE IRON IS HOT!
WE'VE GOT TO STRIKE WHILE THE CLOCK SHE'S A-TICKING!
> For FREE information via Email, send request to
> cs...@indirect.com
Tom: Wha? Coleslaw?
Mike: Send your mail directly to indirect.
Crow: Aaaargh.
1...2...3...4...5...6...G
(scene: the S.O.L)
Crow: You know, guys, after that post I'm in the mood for some cheesy
science fiction films.
Tom: Yeah, but knowing the Mads they'd probably send us something
like 'Resident Alien' or 'It Immigrated from Altair' or find
some way to tie it in with today's post!
Crow: Yeah, you're right. What do you think about this, Mike?
Mike: (glancing at his watch) I think I'd better finish my 1040 EZ
quick if I want to send it out through interstellar mail! (runs
off)
(Deep 13)
Dr F: Are you done yet, Frank?
Frank:Almost, there! In ten seconds, the IRS won't have any record
that we ever existed!
Both: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.... (they pop out of existance)
[Roll credits]
------
Credits:
MSTified by David White
Disclaimer: MST3K and related characters/settings/situations are the
property of BBI, however they had nothing to do with writing this up.
This mystification was done for the express purposes of entertainment,
and is not meant as a personal attack on the original author(s) in any
way.
------
> Lottery registration will take place soon. 55,000 Green Cards will be
> given to those who register correctly. NO JOB IS REQUIRED.
------
DAVID WHITE, dw...@andrew.cmu.edu
"Those who induce these stressors on you, were individually not your friends
in the first place, for they wish through these stressors to either brainwash
you, transvalue your sex, or even kill you with alphabet soup."
--Owen W. Gustafson
Geoff Falen
>From: David G White <dw...@andrew.cmu.edu>
>Subject: MST3Kd: Green Card Lottery- Final One?
>Date: Wed, 13 Apr 1994 11:33:44 -0400
>(scene: The Satellite of Love. Everyone is buried waste-deep in
>paperwork)
Waste-deep? No shit?
Just misting a mistie..!
:)
Geoff
Annenberg School
Univ. of PA
a...@asc.upenn.edu