MiSTEd: Power Ranger :The Crowmeowme Brothers

[rowark]

This is a MiSTing of a Power Rangers fanfic written by a friend of mine.
It may seem anti-Power Ranger, but that's not the way I feel, just the
way I wrote it. Mystery Science Theater 3000 and related characters and
terms are property of Best Brains, International. Anyone who wishes to do
their own MiSTings of this and other stories by my friend can find them
at alt.fan.power-rangers.

(Season 8 Theme)
(Door Sequence)
(Mike and the bots are sitting around playing Marvel Overpower)
CROW: I'll play Rogue's power absorption on Mike's Spider-Man.
SERVO: Let's hope Mary Jane doesn't find out.
MIKE: Well, I'll use Scarlet Spider's impact webbing on Tom's Dr Doom.
SERVO: No mere mortal can do that to Dr Doom, I shall use his time
machine to avoid that attack.
MIKE: Hi there, the bots and I were just playing this collectible card
game Crow bought before he returned to the Satellite of Love.
CROW: Yeah, it was a real bargain, because CCGs had just lost favor to
old Atari 2600 games.
SERVO: So instead of Magic:The Gathering, people were playing Star
Raiders?
CROW: Actually, the Swordquest series was the big seller.
(Commercial sign flashes)
MIKE: We'll be right back.
(MST3K Logo)
(Various Extra Sensory Summer "Making of" special commercials, plus three
commercials for Mission Genesis)
(SOL)
CROW: My Professor X learns Tom's Juggernaut's next move.
SERVO: D'oh!
MIKE: My Thing clobbers Tom's Red Skull.
SERVO: That was my last card.
(Pearl's light flashes)
MIKE: Put the cards away fellas, Janet, Jack, and Crissy are calling.
(Pearl's Ship)
PEARL: Hello Nelson, Servo, Art. Sorry to interrupt your bridge party, my
Brain Guy here says that game is deader than my poor Clayton.
OBSERVER: Yes, that particular form of entertainment has since been
turned into cat box filler.
BOBO: That's why we've been playing Pong for the past two centuries.
(SOL)
MIKE: So much for my family proving to be a smart as me, Pong.
(Bots snicker at Mike's statement about being smart)
(Pearl's Ship)
PEARL: Anyway, this week you'll be getting an interesting Power Rangers
fanfic.
(SOL)
MIKE: What makes this one different than the others?
(Pearl's Ship)
PEARL: This one actually works that first Power Rangers movie into
something that resembles a continuity. I hope you enjoy it.
(SOL)
(Movie Sign)
ALL: WE'VE GOT MOVIE SIGN!!!
(Door Sequence)
(All three enter the theater)
> Power Rangers
> in
> The Crowmeowme Brothers
> by
> Turbo Ranger Prime
SERVO: I think this is one of those stories where the author makes
himself one of the characters.
>
>This disclaimer is to inform whoever may read this that
CROW: This document may cause nausea or itching.
> all
>characters, with the exception of the Crowmeowme males, are
>owned by Saban Entertainment. The Crowmeowme males are
MIKE: All in danger of deportation.
> my own
>creation. They cannot be used without my
CROW: Name being taken in vain.
> consent. Several other
>names were changed to suit the differences between
SERVO: Night and Day?
MIKE: Apples and Oranges?
CROW: No, this and good literature.
> reality and
>fiction. This disclaimer must be included in any and all copies
>of
SERVO: The Brothers Karamozov.
> the story. I must be informed if anyone uses my writings at any
>web site. Any riffings or MiSTings
ALL: What?
> can be done without my consent.
>I hope to see my work MiSTed soon, perhaps have some ex-Rangers
>riff it instead of Mike and the 'bots.
CROW: Ok, this is scary. How does this guy know about us?
> (I saw an X-Men fanfic where
>Jean,Iceman, and Storm riffed some story)
>
> Fifteen thousand years ago,
MIKE: In a galaxy fifteen thousand light years away...
> a vessel of extra-terrestrial origin
>landed on Earth near what is now
SERVO: A large hole in the ground.
> Angel Grove. Inside that vessel were
CROW: The white mice who were sent to find the question to the answer to
the question of life, the universe, and everything.
>two brothers, members
MIKE: Of the Imperial Senate on a diplomatic mission to Alderran?
SERVO: Of the Rotary Club?
> of the Order of Meledon, Morphos and Multus. Each
>brother
CROW: Yo, was up,bro.
>had a different skill. Morphos could control certain energies, shaping
>them into
MIKE: Balloon animals for the kids.
> whatever forms he chose. Multus could use this power, but his
>primary
>ability was the lost art
SERVO: Raiders of the Lost Art, starring Harrison Ford.
> (at least on their home world) of cloning. The
>two
ALL: (singing) Turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree.
>brothers had been dispatched to Earth by the Order to help another
>member of
SERVO: Huh-huh,he said members,huh-huh,huh-huh.
>the Order, Zordon of Eltar. Zordon was aided in defending Earth by
MIKE: Flash Gordon, The Phantom, and Mandrake the Magician.
> a
>construct called Titanus.
CROW: I love that movie, Clash of the Titanus.
> Titanus was built on the planet Aquitar by
>the family of Cestro. Zordon said only one of the brothers would be
>needed immediately. Thus Multus decided that he would remain in
SERVO: A state of suspended animation until the twenty-fifth century.
>reserve, taking Multus' place if he was ever needed, yet he intuitively
>stayed with his brother.
MIKE: How intuitive of him.
> Soon, it became clear to Multus why the Order had dispatched
>them to Earth.
>
> Lord Zedd and his most loyal servant, Rita Repulsa,
CROW: I wonder how she served him?
> were planning
>to
MIKE: Build the world's tallest building.
>conquer this primitive world. Zordon told Multus that he requested
SERVO: That the D.J. play more Weird Al songs.
>that
>the Order send Morphos specifically for his power. Zordon, not yet
>imprisoned in a time warp,
ALL: (singing) Let's do the Time Warp again!
> helped Morphos create an energy field from
>which a group of warriors
CROW: The Warriors of Virtue, No!!
> would be empowered. This group of warriors
>would be the
SERVO: Worst actors on the planet.
>only beings in existence who could harness the greatest power in the
>universe, they would be teenagers with attitudes. These warriors would
>be known as
MIKE: Three or Four Guys and Two Babes, at least for a season and a half.
> Power Rangers, and they would become legend. Zordon named the
>energy field The Morphin Grid, after Morphos. After acquiring a robotic
>assistant named
SERVO: TV's Frank.
> Alpha 5 from King Lexian of Edenoi, Zordon began to
>recruit his warriors while Morphos created their weapons and other
>items. The battle machines he made, he named after Zordon, calling them
CROW: Fred, which made absolutely no sense whatsoever.
>zords. These Zords were made out of the skeletons of prehistoric Earth
>creatures. Three were dinosaurs, two were creatures of Earth's Ice Age,
>yet another was made in the image of a dragon-like beast native to the
>planet Inquarus (sp).
>
> Zordon began recruiting warriors,
MIKE: Uncle Zordon wants you!
> including a beautiful young
>woman named Pina.
CROW: Was her last name Colada?
> Morphos and Pina fell in love, and were quite happy.
>Morphos was about to ask Pina to
SERVO: Buy some Amway products.
> become his wife when she was captured

>by Rita and changed forever into a
MIKE: Tropical drink with lime.
> being of evil, and was renamed
>Scorpina. Morphos fought the woman he once loved, imprisoning her in
>a boulder, which was soon covered with
SERVO: Copies of the Pina Colada song.
> scorpions. Zordon's warriors,
>including Morphos himself,used the equipment Morphos created to
CROW: Open a frozen yogurt stand at the mall.
> push
>Zedd and Rita's forces back far enough that
MIKE: They made a complete circle and Earth was destroyed.
> it would be a few thousand
>years before they threatened Earth again. During this time, Morphos and
>Zordon
CROW: Admitted their forbidden love for each other.
MIKE: Crow!
> began creating additional, back-up zords, while the wise Ninjor,
>the first ninja and student of Morphos, created a set of
SERVO: Ginsu Steak Knives!
> seven coins,
>including one for Morphos, to be used to change the next generation
MIKE: I wouldn't mind seeing Deanna Troi in a Pink Ranger Outfit.
> of
>warriors into a greater fighting force. This next generation would be
>the first Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers, and were all
SERVO: Non-Union actors.
> Asian, as that
>was where the great battle would take place.
>
> Before the next generation
SERVO: There was the original series, the animated series, and four
movies.
> could be chosen, Rita attacked,
>stealing one
MIKE: Billion pounds sterling from the Bank of England.
>of the coins and trapping Zordon in a time warp,
MIKE: It's just a jump to the left.
> while Zordon trapped
>her in
CROW: His icebox.
>a space dumpster on Earth's moon, with four of her worst associates;
>Goldar,
SERVO: Goldar-finger, starring Sean Connery.
>Finster, Squatt and Baboo.
MIKE: (as Yogi Bear) Hey Baboo, where's the pic-a-nic basket?
> With Rita trapped in a dumpster, and Zedd
>off conquering other galaxies, Earth was safe, at least for four
SERVO: Hours, at which time Alpha tried to cook a Turkey.
>thousand years. During this time, Morphos and Multus travelled to
>Egypt, where they built a series of early warning scanners, with the
>help of Trycho,
MIKE: Trycho R.C., Maximum Heat.
> an architect from
CROW: Mike Brady!
> the planet Triforia. These scanners
>utilized the standard Triforian design of a pyramid. These scanners
SERVO: Cause people's heads to explode.
>were filled with
MIKE: Candy, like a pinata.
> golden objects, a common element on Triforia, thus it
>was worthless to them, but on Earth, it was considered priceless.
>Egyptians placed dead rulers
MIKE: A dead ruler doesn't measure very well.
> in these scanners, which only helped
>improve range. The power source for these scanners was a
CROW: Long lasting Duracell battery.
SERVO: You can't top the copper top.
> Zeo crystal,
>embedded inside a Sphinx. While the sphinx had a full nose when
>completed, centuries of exposure to the Zeo energy contained within
>caused
CROW: Impotence.
> the nose to crumble down to a stub of what it once was.
>
> Four thousand years after the imprisonment of Rita, Earth faced
>another threat. This time, it was
SERVO: The threat known as...Barney.
> a morphological being known as Ivan
>Ooze. Ooze planned to destroy the earth with his Ectomorphicon Titan
MIKE: Harry Hamlin stars in Clash of the Ectomorphicon Titans.
>war machines,
SERVO: A spin-off of Iron Man.
> Scorpitron and Hornitor. Ooze was building these on a
>distant planet called
MIKE: Tatooine?
SERVO: Quo'nos?
CROW: Cybertron?
> Phaedos. The Order of Meledon sent a command
>vessel from the planet Aquitar to take Zordon (still in his time warp)
ALL: (singing) And then a step to the right.
>and Morphos, along with five young warriors to Phaedos, while Multus
>stayed behind to
MIKE: Clean out the oven.
> watch over Earth. Once on Phaedos, Zordon and Morphos
>were met by
CROW: An angry mob carrying torches and pitchforks.
> the Protector of Phaedos, The Master Warrior and last on
>the Nathadians, Dulcea. Together, they managed to
SERVO: Figure out how to play Magic: The Gathering.
> defeat Ooze and
>dismantle his Titans. They imprisoned Ooze in a
MIKE: Zip-Lock Freezer bag.
> hyperlock chamber on
>Earth, a short distance from Zordon's command center. The chamber
>looked like a giant purple egg,
CROW: So he's made of Silly-Putty?
> and gave Ooze plenty of room to
>eliminate
SERVO: Even the toughest stains.
> excess parts of his form, as he must do every century.
>Zordon, being a
CROW: Boy Scout Den-Mother.
> caring being made sure he could do that, hence, the
>excess goo in the chamber. The dismantled Ectomorphicons were buried
>near the chamber.
>
> With no immediate threat to Earth, Morphos
MIKE: Joined the Nation of Islam.
CROW: Morphos Farrakahn.
> stayed on Phaedos when
>Zordon returned home, for Morphos had fallen in love with Dulcea.
>Morphos gave Dulcea a special gift,
CROW: V.D.
MIKE: That's two, Crow.
> a pet which she named Snoggle.
SERVO: That's what I use on my Underwear collection, Snoggle fabric
softener.
>Snoggle's species had the unusual ability to
MIKE: Make clothes soft and pleasant smelling.
> shoot sugar cubes out of
>their trunk-like noses. Dulcea taught Morphos the proper way to
SERVO: Wear a strange green outfit that would be illegal in some states.
> eat a
>traditional Nathadian dish, squirbs. He carved her primary weapon,
CROW: The pin that opens her top.
MIKE: That's three. Go wait on the bridge.
CROW: Aww,Mike. (Crow leaves theater.)
> a
>wooden staff which could separate into two smaller staves. These two
>staves made a
SERVO: Delicious fondoo.
> high-pitched trill
MIKE: Jadzia Dax?
> when twirled in circles. Their
>relationship ended suddenly when
MIKE: Susan, played by Brooke Shields, arrived.
> the Order forced Morphos to return to
>Earth. He never got a chance to say good-bye. Earth was being
>threatened by a group of Barox bounty hunters.
SERVO: Led by Boba Fett.
> Zordon and Morphos
>defeated them with the help of
MIKE: Luke Skywalker and Han Solo.
> the Blue Senturions. Once that was done,
>Morphos and Multus began wandering, returning to the command center
>once every century. The two brothers learned many things during their
>travels.
MIKE: Like basket weaving and pottery.
> While Multus studied the emerging system of finance, Morphos
>studied fighting styles.
BOTH: (singing) Everybody was Kung-Fu Fighting.
SERVO: We've gotta go.
(Mike carries Servo out of theater)
(Door Sequence)
[Bridge: S.O.L.]
(Crow is in a tube, ala Zordon, Tom is standing next to it with a yellow
construction paper lightning bolt on his chest. Gypsy has green plastic
wrapped around her tube in section. Mike is wearing a silver jumpsuit)
MIKE: So, Zordon, now that we've defeated Ivan Ooze, what do we do now.
CROW: I don't know, what do you say, Alpha 5?
SERVO: I-i-i-i-i-i-i-i.
MIKE: No, it's ay-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi.
SERVO: Who cares.
GYPSY: I am Dulcea, master warrior of the planet Basehart.
MIKE: No, Gypsy, that's Phaedos.
CROW: I'm cramped in this tube.
(Crow steps out of tube.)
MIKE: Zordon can't do that Crow.
CROW: But I'm not Zordon.
SERVO: Eye-eye-eye-eye-eye.
(Commercial Sign light flashes)
MIKE: We'll be right back.
(Commercials for Psychic Hotline and Extra Sensory Summer)
(All three enter theater)
> Soon, Morphos had mastered all of what soon became known as
CROW: The WB Network.
> the
>martial arts,
SERVO: Martial Tucker, Martial Crenshaw, and Martial Dillon.
> becoming the greatest fighter on the face of the Earth.
>He then concentrated on mastering
MIKE: Xena's battle cry.
> all known musical instruments. After
>centuries of practice and learning new instruments, Morphos had become
>the greatest musician on Earth, with Multus learning music from
>Morphos.
CROW: He needed a better teacher.
>Multus soon became
SERVO: The only musician ever booted out of Vienna.
> a better composer than his brother. In later
>centuries,
CROW: Music was reduced to bizarre electronic sounds which were only
listenable by people under thirty.
>the two brothers each became
MIKE: The Wonder Twins.
> patrons of different composers. Morphos
>was a patron of Richard Wagner, Multus of Peter I. Tchaikovsky(as in
>Nutcracker).
CROW: Thinking it would help him open walnuts and pecans.
> Multus, in the meantime, was becoming a
SERVO: Burden on his poor brother.
> financial genius,
>providing himself and his brother with
MIKE: Weekly IRS Audits.
> nearly unlimited wealth. They
>used this wealth for various "hobbies",
SERVO: Like Stamp Collecting and building ships in bottles.
> which in turn made them even
>more money. The two of them also began adopting
CROW: Orphans with Sally Struthers.
> new names whenever they
>returned to the command center. When they returned to the Command
>Center in the Eighteenth Century a.d., they were surprised to see
SERVO: Benedict Arnold taking bribes from George III.
> a
>small colony had been formed near Zordon's outpost, a colony called
CROW: Au Natural: A Clothing Optional Living Environment.
>Angel Grove.
>
> The two brothers adopted
SERVO: Hundred Years War orphans.
> the names Bartholomew and Bernard Cooper,
>and returned to
ALL: (singing) Sender, Address Unknown.
> their travels, just days before the arrival of a group
>of
MIKE: Jehovah's Witnessess.
> strangers from the future, who would meet the
ALL: (singing) Flintstones, they're the modern stone age family.
> two brothers soon
>enough, especially since one of these strangers was
MIKE: Bam-Bam Rubble.
> Morphos himself.
>The two brothers soon fought in the
SERVO: (ala Howard Cossell) Battle of the Network Stars.
> American Revolution, and were
>instrumental in the survival of
CROW: The Dodo bird, but they failed miserably
> General Washington's troops at
>Valley Forge. After the war, the brothers returned to
MIKE: The planet of the apes.
> Europe, avoiding
>England for awhile, due to
SERVO: Their annoyance with the troubles of the Royal Family.
> their participation in the revolution.
>When next the brothers returned, Angel Grove was
CROW: Destroyed in an earthquake.
> a typical western
>town. Multus set himself up as the owner of a
CROW: Cat house.
MIKE: Do you want to go back to the bridge, Crow?
> general store, using
>the name Beuaregard Smith, while Morphos began blacksmithing,
SERVO: Hey, be politically correct. That's an Afro-American Smith.
MIKE: Will Smith?
> as well
>as gunsmithing, using the somewhat unusual name of Bolt Shwinchester.
CROW: That's not unusual, if you lived on Pluto.
>Both brothers became friends to
MIKE: A herd of wild horses.
> the townspeople, including William,
>Abraham, Rocco,
CROW: The first Mafia enforcer west of the Mississippi.
> and Miss Alicia. "Bolt" made custom pistols for a man
>named
ALL: (singing) Jed, a poor mountaineer barely kept his family fed.
SERVO: (Granny voice) Jed,Jed,Jed.
(Mike puts his hand on Servo's mouth)
> Thomas, who would fight outlaws as The
CROW: The Lone Ranger.
> White Stranger.
>
> It was one normal day,
MIKE: (singing) in the neighborhood, a normal day for a neighbor.
SERVO: Great, we're in Mr. Nelson's neighborhood.
> while Morphos was smithing some shoes for
>Rocco's horse, when a stranger arrived in town. Her state of dress
>would have been considered scandalous
CROW: She was wearing a shirt that said I Love Apaches.
> at the time, but Morphos found
>her to be
MIKE: A real Super-Freak.
> the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. She called herself
>Calamity Kim, and Morphos was surprised when she
CROW: Started to take off his pants.
> ran up to him and
>called him
SERVO: Hunk Manly
> Brian. She explained to him that she was from the future
MIKE: We've got to send her back...to the future.
> and
>that she was a Power Ranger. He accompanied her when she went to see
>Zordon,and for the first time in six thousand years, Morphos saw
CROW: That lucky rabbit's foot he thought he lost.
> the
>coin Ninjor had made for him, the coin with the
SERVO: Misprint that said,"In Dog we Rust"
> power of the smartest
>of all dinosaurs,
MIKE: Denver, the last Dinosaur.
> the velociraptor. He and Kim passed out
SERVO: From the heat.
> the four other
>coins to William, Rocco, Abraham, and Miss Alicia to defeat
MIKE: The James Gang, Butch Cassidy, the Sundance Kid, and Billy the Kid.
> Goldar, who
>arrived from the future, and the newly created Cactus-head. With
>Goldar's defeat and Kim's return to the future, the five coins were
>returned to Zordon. Yet, with the return of Kim to the future,
SERVO: In the DeLorean time machine.
> all
>Morphos' memories of her visit to the nineteenth century disappeared,
>at least for a century.
MIKE: Due to his use of LSD.
>
> Soon, the two brothers returned to their wandering.
ALL: (singing) They wa-wa-wa-wa-wander.
> In
>Pennsylvania, Multus began experimenting with
MIKE: Two different shampoos to see which one would tingle.
> iron ore, eventually
>developing the
SERVO: Pictures that revealed who killed JFK
> process for making chromium steel, and all the other
>variations of chromium, from
SERVO: Chrome to crumbs
> vitamins to the material used on
MIKE: Bathroom sinks.
> comic
>covers and trading cards. With the development of chromium, more

CROW: Law suits bankrupted the brothers.
> wealth
>flowed the brothers' direction. They decided to settle
SERVO: A small country in Southeast Asia.
> on the name
>Crowmeowme, a corrupted
MIKE: Politician who loaned them some money.
> spelling of chromium, as their last name.
>Multus chose the first name
CROW: Clayton, but his friends called him Steve.
> Robert, though usually went by
SERVO: Ert.
> Bob, while
>Morphos, perhaps influenced by
MIKE: His acid trip.
> something in his subconscious, chose
>the name Brian. The two brothers started a
MIKE: Lemonade stand.
> multi-national corporation,
>Crowmeowme,Inc. Crowmeowme,Inc.
SERVO: Which is very hard to write with.
> contained many smaller companies
MIKE: Like one of those Russian dolls.
>including Crowmeowme Industries, which specialized in
CROW: Polluting the air.
> many experimental
>ideas; a toy manufacturing division, which they called Bon Doi, and a
>television and movie studio called Sobon. The two brothers soon
>returned to Angel Grove, this time intent on
MIKE: World domination.
SERVO: (as Bob) What are we going to do tonight, Brian?
CROW: (as Brian) The same thing we do everynight, Bob. Try to take over
the world.
> staying.
>
> While Bob handled
SERVO: Rowdy celebs, like Tyson, Alec Baldwin, and Alan Thicke.
> day-to-day operations as Chief Operations
>Officer of Crowmeowme,Inc., Brian, the company's
CROW: Janitor.
> CEO, chose a new
>hobby,
MIKE: Model railroads.
> running a martial arts dojo. In August of 1993, he went into
SERVO: A phase where he wanted to be called Mr Miyagi.
> the
>Angel Grove Youth Center to hire
CROW: Mercenaries.
> instructors for the dojo. After
>posting a flyer, Brian ordered a
MIKE: Barium enema.
> grape smoothy from the Juice Bar, run
>by Ernie.
SERVO: Hey Bert!
> He could tell that Ernie was a descendent of Ernest,
>proprietor of the
CROW: Finest cathouse in the west.
> Juice Saloon in 1800s Angel Grove. While enjoying his
>beverage, Brian spied a beautiful young woman practicing
SERVO: Her alphabet.
> a gymnastics
>routine. He studied her every
MIKE: Article of clothing, deciding she was underdressed for the Arctic.
> movement and was mesmerized be her beauty
>and
SERVO: That spinning wheel she was holding.
> agility. Not since the first time he saw
ALL: Paris.
> Dulcea fight had he been so
>mesmerized by
SERVO: A subliminal message about milk.
> a woman, oh so long ago, he thought. Soon, she saw
>him,watching her.
CROW: She called the police and had him arrested for stalking.
> She found him extremely
SERVO: Plain looking.
> handsome, a total babe, she
>told Trini. When their eyes met, the two realized that they were
MIKE: Standing way to close to each other.
>destined to be together.
>He soon learned her name was
SERVO: Inigo Montoya, her killed her father, prepare to die.
> Kimberly, and three of her friends, Jason,
>Zack, and Trini, became
CROW: The new Three Stooges.
> the primary instructors at Crowmeowme Dojo,
>while Kim and her other friend
MIKE: Mr Snuffleupagus.
> Billy just hung out there.
>
> Only weeks after opening his
CROW: Pants in front of Kimberly.
MIKE: CROW!
> dojo, Brian sensed something
SERVO: (as Darth Vader) A presence I've not felt since...
> was
>about to happen. He went to Zordon, and learned
MIKE: The correct way to tie his shoes.
> that Rita had been
>released by astronauts. He told Zordon and Alpha that he had found
CROW: A babe who would knock their socks off.
> the
>perfect Power Rangers. He returned to the
SERVO: Valley where he harvests his grain, takes a look at his wife, and
realizes she's very plain.
> Youth Center, where the Dojo
>often held lessons, just in time for
MIKE: Days of our Lives.
> Rita's first attack in ten
>thousand years. He feigned
SERVO: Being a virgin to get Kim in bed with him.
(Crow snickers)
> surprise and ignorance when he and the others were
>teleported to the
MIKE: Bridge of the Starship Enterprise.
> command center, chosing not to reveal everything
>until after
SERVO: Lunch.
> they accepted their new duties. With the first
ALL: (singing) Noel, the angels did say...
> morph, a
>quick shout of "Velociraptor" changed Brian into
MIKE: Superman.
> the Silver Ranger, most
>powerful of the Rangers and master of
SERVO: The Universe.
CROW: So he's He-Man?
> the Raptor's Egg. The Raptor's
>Egg was not so much a zord as an
MIKE: Egg, hence the name.
> assault vehicle. When the Megazord was
>formed, The Raptor's egg was worn as a
SERVO: Tutu.
> wrist blaster, while
>Brian's main duty was to push a button
CROW: (as Dr Forrester) Push the Button, Brian.
> that
SERVO: Darn Cat.
> summoned the Power Sword.
>Once the five teens fully accepted
MIKE: The fact that they were terrible actors.
> their new duties, Brian revealed
>his history to them, introducing them to
SERVO: Little Brian, or at least to Kim.
MIKE: Now cut that out!
> Bob and showing them his
>hidden, useless space vessel.
>
> Brian increased helped his teammates earn some extra spending
>money by turning
MIKE: Straw into gold.
> Power Rangers into an extremely popular
SERVO: Line of jams and jellies
> toy line and
>high-rated
CROW: Grammar error.
> television series. He split the earnings amongst
SERVO: Himself and his invisible friend, Mr Blinky.
> his five
ALL: (singing) Golden rings...
>teammates. Brian and Kim became closer with each passing
MIKE: Gallstone
> week, until
>the arrival of
SERVO: Her husband, Stan.
> Tommy Oliver. When he became the
MIKE: Last Dragon, voiced by Sean Connery...
> Green Ranger, not to
>mention the newest instructor at Brian's Crowmeowme Dojo, he was the
>first obstacle in
SERVO: (As Cossell) The Battle of the Network Stars obstacle course.
> Brian and Kim's relationship. Brian found some
>comfort in the fact that Pterodactyl was not used for
CROW: Tommy's recipe for Dinosaur soup.
> Dragonzord's
>Battle Mode, but not much. Eventually, Tommy was forced to
MIKE: Commit ritual suicide by his cult's leader, known as Mi
> give up the
>power, yet he still asked Kim to be his
CROW: Co-signer on an auto loan, which he had no intention of repaying.
> date to the spring dance. This
>didn't phase Brian that much, as he was providing
MIKE: Kickbacks to the bouncer at the door to throw Tommy's green clad
butt onto the curb.
> the music for the
>dance. Soon, Brian and Kim's relationship was stronger than
ALL: Dirt.
> ever. Even
>after Tommy was able to reclaim
MIKE: His rightful birthright as King of France.
> the power, albeit in a limited fashion,
>his presence did little to
CROW: Help the show's writers come up with good plots.
> weaken their love. On February 14, 1994,
>Kim's 18th birthday, just six months after they met, Brian and Kim
>became
SERVO: Jehovah's Witnesses.
> lovers.
ALL: All right, yeah, woohoo, way to go.
>
> In May of 1994, they became
CROW: Amway salespeople.
> even more than lovers, as Brian asked
>Kimberly to
SERVO: Take all his credit cards and max them out.
> marry him. She gave him
MIKE: A bad case of the crabs.
CROW: Hypocrite.
> her answer the next morning, a
>resounding
SERVO: Hahahahahahahahahahahaha,no.
> yes. On June 18, 1994, Brian Theodore
MIKE: His friends call him Beaver
> Crowmeowme and
>Kimberly Anne Hart were married by a judge
MIKE: Judge Dredd
SERVO: (as Stallone) I am the law!
> at Brian's mansion, in the
>exclusive area known as
CROW: Pismo Beach
> Angel Heights. They spent their honeymoon
SERVO: In Vegas
> on a
>secluded, tropical island. When they returned home, Kim began
MIKE: Doing all the household chores while Brian lounged around watching
the WWF.
> feeling
>strange. She went to a doctor Brian recommended, who
SERVO: Actually wasn't a doctor, but he played one on tv.
> was actually a
>clone
MIKE: Power Ranger: The Clonus Horror Continues
> made by Bob using DNA from
SERVO: Dinosaurs.
> himself and his brother. The doctor
>was a
CROW: Total quack.
> specialist in all fields of medicine. Kim thought it may have been
>a reaction to
MIKE: This story.
> the food on the island, or to Brian's special wedding
>gift to her,
SERVO: A gift certificate from Hickory Farms.
> an injection of a serum the brothers developed which gave
>Kim
MIKE: A feeling of total calm and submissiveness.
> near immortality, so that Brian would not
CROW: Dump her for a trophy wife.
> outlive her. This serum
>halted the aging process, and made her immune to
ALL: Bad acting mixed with Japanese footage.
> most diseases. As it
>turned out, neither of these were the case. Instead, it was discovered
>that
MIKE: The fifth dentist actually recommends eating Sugar Cubes.
> Kim was pregnant, Brian was
SERVO: Offering a multi-million dollar reward for the identity of the
father.
> ecstatic when she told him, and he
>began to prepare a nursery, even though it would be
CROW: One hundred feet from the rest of the house.
> almost nine months
>until their child arrived.
>
> After two and a half months of
MIKE: Constant bickering and broken dishes.
> wedded bliss, Brian and Kim, along
>with the other Rangers faced the return of
CROW: The Jedi: Special Edition.
> Lord Zedd. In order to
>protect his unborn child, Brian, with the help of Zordon and Alpha,
>discovered a dimension
MIKE: (as Rod Serling) Of sight and sound.
> where the developing fetus could be shifted
>without harm in times
CROW: Japanese footage.
> of battle. Brian also called upon a special power
>boost, activated
SERVO: By laying a finger aside of his nose.
> merely by saying "Velociraptore"
ALL: Huh?
> (pronounced
>velociraptoray)
ALL: Oh.
> instead of "Velociraptor," to compensate for
MIKE: His performance in bed.
> the greater
>strength of Zedd's monster. This power boost allowed him to
CROW: Run faster than a slug, jump over tall speedbumps in a single
bound.
> create a
>claw on each hand, like
SERVO: Freddy Krueger!
CROW: Nightmare On Angel Grove Street.
> an actual velociraptor.When the Dinozords were
>changed to Thunderzords, the Raptor's Egg became the
MIKE: Raptor's Scrambled Egg.
> Pegasus
>Thunderzord. The Pegasus proved important, for it
SERVO: Provided transportation for Perseus.
> transformed into
>ThunderMegazord's ThunderSabre. Brian, knowing some sorcery, placed a
CROW: Curse on the Power Rangers, preventing them from having decent
special effects.
>protective spell on Kim, which is why
SERVO: She stays married to him.
> Goldar's spell didn't change her
>into Zedd's
CROW: Twin sister.
> perfect queen. Brian wanted to
SERVO: Kill her for even pretending to be like Rita.
> embrace Kim when he arrived
>at the Cave of Fantasy, but the Rita outfit she was in would have
SERVO: Caused him to become turned on more than ever.
>impaled him. Soon, Brian himself would soon
CROW: Impale himself of his Power Sword.
SERVO: Does he have a power sword?
> undergo a great change.
>
> When Tommy had
MIKE: Become the new Pinball Wizard.
> been fully drained of the Green Ranger powers,
>Zordon and Alpha began working
CROW: The street corners at night.
> on new powers for him. They also worked
>on an upgrade for
SERVO: Windows 95
> Brian, as a present for
MIKE: Bob, this present would kill Brian, allowing Bob to marry Kim.
> the 15,000th anniversary of
>his arrival on Earth. Thus when Tommy received
CROW: An atomic wedgie
> Saba after receiving the
>powers of the White Ranger, another weapon
CROW: Blew the Power Rangers to Kingdom Come
> floated down, this weapon
>being a whip
CROW: As Brian and Kim were big on S&M.
MIKE: I won't say a word if you don't.
> -like weapon called a manriki. When a morphed Brian grabbed
>the manriki, called Manareek, he was transformed into
SERVO: He-Man, the most powerful man in the Universe
> the new Silver
>Ranger. His costume was similar to
MIKE: What Kim wore on their wedding night.
> Tommy's new costume, except it was
>silver. Manareek was comprised of
CROW: Sausage links.
> a twenty foot chain and a handle of
>silver topped with a carved cheetah-head. Manareek served
MIKE: Waffles.
CROW & SERVO: No waffles.
> as an advisor
>to Brian in battle and was linked to
MIKE: Saba in holy matrimony.
> the computers in the Command
>Center at all times. The Pegasus Thunderzord was integrated into
CROW: The new MMX technology.
> the
>other zords, so that Brian could receive
MIKE: Some lovely parting gifts.
> the Silver Cheetahzord,
>the fastest of all zords. Manareek served as the "brain"
ALL: Narf!
> of the
>CheetahZord, the central control system. Cheetahzord had it's own
>warrior mode, and could merge with
MIKE: The Construticons to form Devastator.
> the Firebird Thunderzord to form
SERVO: Baby Zords.
> the
>Flying Cheetah Warrior.
SERVO: Time to go.
(The three leave the theater)
(MST3K Logo)
(Ten commercials for Extra Sensory Summer, one for SeaQuest)
(BRIDGE)
MIKE: This guy must be one of the nameless hordes who lust after the Pink
Ranger.
CROW: Watch it, Nelson.
SERVO: Don't tell me you're one of those losers.
CROW: You haven't been in my bedroom lately. Every picture I could find
off the net covers my walls.
MIKE: But tell us you haven't written a story where you marry her?
CROW: No, she becomes an alien love slave in Power Rangers versus Soup,
however.
(MOVIE SIGN LIGHTS FLASH)
ALL: MOVIE SIGN!!!
(Door Sequence)
(They re-enter the theater)
>
> At that time, Brian decided to
CROW: File for divorce.
> write a movie, using a scenario
>involving
MIKE: A girl who was killed in the 50s on her way to the prom, who's
ghost still protects her house in the 90's
SERVO: Nah, that wouldn't even play on the Disney Channel.
> Dulcea and Ivan Ooze. With the exception of Kim,
CROW: Who thought she was ugly because of all the weight she gained in
the first month of pregnancy.
> the Rangers
>played themselves, though Brian did not include himself in the script.
>Bob came aboard
ALL: (singing) We're expecting you...
> to compose the music for the film,
MIKE: Because it was a silent movie to suit his stars' acting ability.
> as Brian had several
>other duties, such as directing, producing, and
SERVO: Bribing the unions.
> choreographing the
>fights. Bob fell
MIKE: From atop a high scaffold to his untimely death.
> for the actress playing Kimberly, a beautiful young
>actress named Annie Jean Josephson. Like Kim, she was
CROW: Pregnant
> an expert
>gymnast, and she was hired because she
SERVO: She worked for less than scale.
> was Kim's perfect double.
>Nothing really came about but
CROW: A ten-month marriage that ended when he found out she was after his
fortune.
> a brief fling during the filming.
>Interestingly, come the following September, Brian's movie would seem
>like a prophecy
SERVO: Oh great, Nostradamus Crowmeowme.
> instead of entertainment. Soon, the roster
CROW: No, the rooster, it's a male chicken that gives wake-up calls.
SERVO: Which is what the writer needs.
MIKE: Hush, he might be listening.
> of Rangers
>changed, as Jason,Zack and Trini went to a peace conference,
SERVO: Why send them, Jason's a jock, Trini's a gang member, and Zack's a
real "Space Case".
> replaced by
>three new friends, Rocky,
SERVO: (as Bullwinkle) Hey Rocky, watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat.
> Adam,
CROW: Adam West?
> and Aisha, who also took over
MIKE: Creative control of the show.
> the
>instructor positions at the Dojo, leaving Brian as Sensei and Tommy as
ALL: A deaf, dumb, and blind kid who sure plays a mean pinball.
>senior instructor.
>
> Brian had made several
SERVO: Financial blunders, which resulted in Alpha V being repossessed.
> changes since his original draft, including
>changing
MIKE: That scene in the cantina so that Greedo shoots first.
> the roles for Jason, Zack, and Trini for Rocky, Adam, and
>Aisha. He eliminated a running joke about
CROW: Someone mistaking the word 'myth' for 'miss' and a woman saying,
"yes."
> Billy landing in water after
>teleporting at Billy's request. After encountering
CROW: William Shatner at a Star Trek Convention to get directing tips.
> giant rats in 1700s
>Angel Grove, he eliminated similar rats from his script and replaced
>them with
SERVO: A montage of celebrations on Tattooine, Bespin, and Coruscant.
> Ooze Men. He also removed Snoggle
MIKE: Because his collars were scratchy, so he switched to Bounce.
> from the script when he
>could not make a decent
CROW: Cappucino?
> version of him through puppetry or CGI. He had
>to scratch
SERVO: A bunch of lottery tickets for the money to complete the film.
> out crucial training
CROW: Since Yoda wasn't available.
> scenes, since he couldn't find
MIKE: His car keys.
> the
>perfect place to shoot
SERVO: Tommy, who was having an affair with Kim.
> those scenes. He trimmed the stay at the
CROW: Holiday Inn in Tumbleweed, Arizona.
>Ninjetti temple from three days to one. He later changed
MIKE: the part where Mark Hamill says "Carrie" instead of "Leia."
> one scene on-
>set, when he saw that Adam developed a
SERVO: massive tumor on his face.
> crush on the actress playing
>Dulcea. He could tell this by the
MIKE: Fact that Adam told him "I've developed a crush on the actress
playing Dulcea."
> way Adam stayed as far from her as
>possible during filming. He changed the scene so that
CROW: Adam gets lucky, changing the film's rating from PG to NC-17.
> instead of
>getting a description of his spirit-animal, like the others, he
>received a
MIKE: Death threat from SAG and Actor's Equity.
> kiss on the forehead. Adam was eternally grateful, although
>the other male Rangers were
CROW: Threatening to strike if they didn't get similar scenes.
> envious and Aisha was
SERVO: About to go postal and kill Adam AND Brian.
> a bit jealous of the
>actress.
>
> In January of 1995, two months before the baby was due, Brian and
>Zordon discovered that
MIKE: Morphing is a leading cause of nymphomania in pregnant women, thus
occasionally causing pre-mature delivery.
> the safety dimension could be hazardous
SERVO: To your health, says Surgeon General Z.Everett Coop.
CROW: Z?
SERVO: Zordon.
CROW: Oh.
> to the
>baby during
MIKE: The actual delivery, since the baby can't be in the womb and this
other dimension at the same time.
> the last 2 weeks of pregnancy. Brian had Bob clone Kim, so
>that
MIKE: Pregnancy: The Clonus Horror III
> the Power Rangers would be at full force without harming Kim or
>the baby. On March 16, 1995 at approximately 3: 57 pm PST, Kim
SERVO: Died of a massive internal infection caused by the two-dimensional
nature of both her unborn child and the show that she is depicted
in.
> gave
>birth and little William Jason Zachary Thomas Crowmeowme
ALL: (singing) His name is my name too.
> made his
>debut. Called Willy, he was his parents pride and joy. But within
>three months of his birth, Willy was
SERVO: Dead of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome
> showing signs of extraordinary
>intellect. On June 30 of that year, Brian's movie opened. It may not
>have done as well as
CROW: Manos.
> Brian hoped, but he didn't make
MIKE: Enough money to pay back the loan sharks, police are still
searching for Brian or his remains two years later.
> the movie for the
>money. On July 2, Willy was crawling better than
CROW: A slug, which doesn't say much for this kid.
> other newborns his
>age. By the end of August, Willy was walking and speaking, with an IQ
>slightly higher than that of
SERVO: A bag of hammers.
> Bulk and Skull. Willy was definitely a
>candidate for
MIKE: The Presidency of the United States.
> the Accelerated Baby Genius Program. Brian and Kim hid
>his
CROW: Hideous form which frightened cattle.
> high IQ from everyone except Bob
>and the other Rangers.
>
> In early September, Brian's movie turned
MIKE: Like three year old milk.
> from fiction to prophecy
>with the arrival of
CROW: Ivan Ooze?
SERVO: Dulcea, thus spelling the end of his marriage to Kim.
> Rita's brother, Rito Revolto. When he destroyed the
>Zords, it
MIKE: Caused Zordon to have a Going Out of Business Sale.
> fed back into the Morphin Grid. The only effect this had on
>Brian was
SERVO: A massive coronary. Time of death was 12: 58 pm PST on September
18,1995
> a slight dizziness. Soon the Rangers sought out Ninjor,
>and Brian's film looked even more like
CROW: Something even we wouldn't touch.
> prophecy, as the Rangers
>received
MIKE: A one way trip to Phaedos.
> their ninja powers. Brian received
SERVO: A ton of bills and lawsuits from trade unions.
> the spirit animal of the
>eagle, and his Ninja Eaglezord was
CROW: Less successful than the Edsel.
> the only Ninjazord that had it's
>own warrior mode. With his spirit animal, Brian's martial arts skills
>were
MIKE: Dulled by years of drug abuse.
> enhanced 100 fold. His natural speed and agility were
SERVO: Slurred, just like his speech after another drinking binge.
> increased by
>a factor of 12. Brian developed a
CROW: Roll of pictures with which he would reveal Tommy and Kim's
torrid affair.
> belt that used a dimensional pocket,
>in which he kept
SERVO: His crack pipe.
> the traditional weapons of a ninja, from shuriken to
>katana to bo staff. Soon, Kim's mother married
MIKE: ALF, resulting in the hilarious "My Stepfather is an Alien, and he
ate Mr Fluffy."
> a French artist and
>wanted
SERVO: In twenty states for murder and armed robbery.
> her daughter and grandchild closer to her. Brian
MIKE: Refused to move to Paris because of his dislike of the French
people.
> had a chateau
>outside Paris, and told the
MIKE: President of France to Eat My Croissant.
> caretaker there to have it
SERVO: Demolished with an A-Bomb.
> ready by late
>May. Brian then began preparing Bob to become the new
CROW: Host of the Tonight Show.
> Silver Ranger.
>
> But in October, there was a new
MIKE: Moon, which was not unusual save for the fact it was bright green.
> arrival in Angel Grove. Her name
>was Katherine, and she spelled
SERVO: Her name with a C when off the air and with a K on the air.
> change for the Rangers. She was under
CROW: The influence of a mixture of Vodka and Tequilla
>one
ALL: (singing) Singular sensation, every little step she takes.
> of Rita's spells and could
SERVO: Spin plates while juggling chainsaws and playing the piano
> live up to her nickname by changing into
>a
MIKE: street walker.
> white cat, or if you prefer, kat.
CROW: Here Kitty-Kat, come to Crow.
> She stole Kim's coin, affecting Kim
SERVO: by causing her to believe that Kat was having an affair with
Brian.
>seriously.
SERVO: Yes, seriously.
> Kat seemed interested in
MIKE: Boomerang throwing, kangaroos, and koala bears.
> Tommy, but that would eventually
>change. Soon Kim recovered and was
SERVO: Ready for a literal "Kat" fight.
MIKE & CROW: Yeah, baby.WooHoo. Bring in the mud pit.
> training for the Pan-Global games
>and had to move to
CROW: Panama seems logical.
> Florida, where Brian had
MIKE: Just bought Disney World for Willy's personal enjoyment.
> a beach-side mansion. As
>they said
SERVO: That they were totally incompatible with each other
> goodbye to their friends, Kim gave her coin to
CROW: Her effeminate cousin, Marty.
> Kat, no longer
>under Rita's spell, while Brian's coin went to
SERVO: The highest bidder at Sotheby's
> Bob. Anyone could notice
>that Bob seemed to be
MIKE: A heavy drinker
> attracted to Kat from Day 1. He was usually
>nervous around her, yet always tried to impress her.
CROW: Like the British tried to impress American sailors into service
during the Revolutionary War.
> He arranged for a
>carnival to come to town for
MIKE: The sole purpose of having the locals make fun of the carnival
workers, with their dubious backgrounds.
> her birthday, having looked at her birth
>certificate via the 'Net.
CROW: With the help of Sandra Bullock and Dennis Miller.
SERVO: After first subscribing to alt.sex.fetish.power-
ranger.kimberly.pink-spandex
> But Master Vile, Rita's father had a present
>for Kat as well,
MIKE: The outfit Princess Leia wore in Jabba's Palace
> and turned back time. Bob was
SERVO: Shocked by the fact that Kat preferred a hideous monster to him.
> not affected that much,
>as he was still physically the same age, yet felt
CROW: Sober, for the first time in three-thousand years.
> years younger.
>
> Bob and Billy helped the
MIKE: NBC Programming department make Thursday night Must See TV.
> Alien Rangers, and then monitored the
SERVO: Miss Hawaiian Tropic Bikini Contest.
> Zeo
>Quests from the Command Center. Bob secured each Zeo fragment as it
>arrived, and with each fragment, Bob began to feel
CROW: Confident, Confident, Dry and secure.
SERVO: Are you sure?
(all laugh)
> a power building up
>within them. When the Command Center was about to be
MIKE: Auctioned off for failure to pay nearly two centuries worth of
unpaid property taxes.
> destroyed and the
>Rangers were
SERVO: Convicted by a military court of a crime they didn't commit.
> forcibly evacuated, Bob caught Kat before she
CROW: Had to head back to her street corner.
> hit the
>ground. Soon, the Rangers found the Zeo crystal, presumed destroyed
>in the implosion, which led them to the
MIKE: Treasure of the Sierra Madre
> Power Chamber. There, the five
>pieces of the Zeo Crystal would give birth to a
SERVO: 7lb, 6oz baby crystal
> sixth, the Prime Shard.
>The Prime Shard was
CROW: The Optimus Prime Shard?
SERVO: Let's hope it's not the Rodimus Prime Shard.
MIKE: Actually it's the Optimus Primal shard.
CROW: That's just prime.
> almost powerless without the other five pieces.
>Soon Zeo Crystals became Zeonizers, and Bob became known as
SERVO: The Otis Campbell of Angel Grove.
CROW: So, he had his own key to the cells in the jail?
> Zeo Ranger
>Prime. The Zeo Zord Prime was a literal Trojan Horse,
MIKE: Never look a gift Zeo Zord in the mouth.
SERVO: Beware of Power Rangers bearing anything.
> it's seemingly
>harmless appearance hiding it's
CROW: Truly harmless interior.
> transformation into the Zeo Warrior,
>which utilized the brothers' shared power to give it a
MIKE: .386 batting average with 10 RBIs.
> vast arsenal of
>weapons. Bob's Zeo weapon was a rifle that could shoot out
SERVO: Wild Turkey or Southern Comfort.
> various
>substances, from pebbles
CROW: Fruity and Cocoa Pebbles, yabba-dabba-delicious.
> to lasers, anything Bob could tell it to
SERVO: It was his slave, and should be emancipated.
> fire.
>This rifle was used as the trigger
MIKE: So, where's Roy Rogers?
> for the Zeo cannon.
(Servo moves towards Mike, the three of them leave the theater)
(Door Sequence)
SERVO: This guy's worse off than we thought.
CROW: Yeah, nobody likes Kat.
MIKE: So this guy created two characters just so he could have both
Kimberly and Katherine.
CROW: That would be like some SeaQuest fanfic writer creating characters
as love interests for both Hitchcock and Henderson.
SERVO: So how would you do that, Mr Professional screenwriter?
CROW: Simple. I'd have a high-ranking officer who came aboard with
Bridger fall for Hitchcock, but choosing to stay on SeaQuest when
she leaves. Then, after six episodes of him complaining he'll
never find true love again, he finally takes a good look at
Henderson. Then in the 2032 episodes...
(Crow rambles on as Commercial sign flashes)
MIKE: (Above Crow's rambling) We'll be right back.
(MST3K Logo)
(A whole block of commercials for Mission Genesis)
(The three re-enter the theater)
CROW: That's how he would finally find true love with Hitchcock after
thirty years apart.
> Soon, Kat's parents returned home to
CROW: Deny the fact that their daughter is a hooker.
> take care of a sick
>relative. Bob allowed Kat and Tanya to stay in his
SERVO: Lush and luxurious harem.
> guest house, until
>one fateful night, when Kat discovered she might
MIKE: Be pregnant with Adam's love child, though they only did it for
five minutes in the back of his zord.
> actually be attracted
>to Bob. It was 9: 30 pm and Katherine was awake, unusual for her to be
CROW: Home on her most profitable night of the week.
>up past 9. She had been thinking about
SERVO: Giving up hooking to go into exotic dancing.
> Bob. It had been a week since
>her
CROW: Last John short-changed her.
MIKE: OK, no more Kat the Hooker jokes.
SERVO: But Mike, haven't you heard of a Kat House?
(MIKE slugs SERVO, knocking his dome onto the floor)
SERVO: Good one, Nelson.
(CROW helps SERVO look for the dome)
> parents went home to take care of Aunt Bess, a week since Bob
MIKE: Offered her a shot of Jack Daniels.
CROW: (from floor)OK, No more Bob the Drunk jokes.
MIKE: Low blow,Crow. Low blow.
(CROW & SERVO return to their seats)
> allowed
>Tanya and her to move into the guest house. She had known Bob
SERVO: Was a convicted rapist, but still moved in to the guest house.
> since
>last October, and she wondered why he always
CROW: Had a line of women that went around the mansion, twice.
> was first when she needed
>help with something. First one to agree to help with her
MIKE: With her addiction to Yanni.
> architectural
>project, ready with a recording studio when she
SERVO: Wanted to make an amateur porn video.
(MIKE covers SERVO's mouth)
SERVO: Mfff, I Pffffff Iff bf gfff.(translation: Mike, I promise I'll be
good)
MIKE: Alright.
(MIKE uncovers SERVO's mouth)
> and Aisha were recording
>Angel Grove High's new school song. Then she thought, maybe he
CROW: Can overcome his Celine Dion addiction with her help.
> feels the
>same way about her that she's secretly
SERVO: About to replace his regular coffee with Folger's Crystals.
> felt towards him. She decides to
>act
MIKE: Which was a first for anyone on Power Rangers.
> on that feeling. Putting her robe on over her
CROW: Buck-nekkid, drop-dead seductive body.
> night-gown, she
>sneaks out of the
SERVO: Outhouse, where Tanya forced her to sleep after that Ellen
episode.
> guest house towards the main house. She notices
MIKE: Five Domino's delivery trucks leaving the estate.
> Bob's
>bedroom light is still on. She enters through the
ALL: (singing) Bathroom Window.
> back door and makes
>her way up the stairs. She then slinks
MIKE: (singing) She walks upstairs, alone with her pair, she makes an
erotic sound.
CROW: Mike Nelson, poster child for hypocrisy.
> along the hall, until she is
>outside Bob's door.
SERVO: With it's massive set of spikes to deter intrusion.
>
> Bob was awake, reading the latest issue of
MIKE: Highlights for Children.
> Fortune magazine. Kat
>entered and gave
SERVO: Him a full demonstration of the Ronco Food Dehydrator.
> herself to Bob. From that night on, the
CROW: Smell of Jerky was the only thing the citizens of Angel Grove could
smell.
> two became
>like one, always at each other's side, walking
ALL: (singing) On Sunshine, Well.
> hand-in-hand. It was
>on a Saturday
ALL: (singing) In the park, I think it was the Fourth of July.
> morning in May, while Bob was reading the
SERVO: Funnies, he loved Drabble and the sophisticated humor of Funky
Winkerbean.
> horoscopes,
>that he discovered
CROW: The pop-culture filled wit of Fox Trot.
> something special. Both his and Kat's horoscopes
>mentioned
MIKE: That they are for entertainment purposes only and have no basis on
fact.
> marital status. Bob took this as a sign
SERVO: Capricorn
> and asked Kat to
>marry him. At a lavish, yet hastily assembled party, Kat accepted the
>official proposal. On June 15, 1996, just three days before
CROW: Billy's latest invention destroyed all of Soutern California and
parts of Nevada.
> Brian
>and Kim's second anniversary, Robert Tiberius
MIKE: (ala William Shatner) Does He TALK likethis.
> Crowmeowme married
>Katherine Agatha Hillard. The ceremony was performed by
CROW: The cast of Bring in Da Noise, Bring in Da Funk.
> the same judge
>who officiated at Brian and Kim's wedding. Leaving clones
SERVO: These guys have more clones than Peter Parker.
> in Angel
>Grove in case of
CROW: Actual acting, plot and decent special effects, alert the media.
> Machine Empire attack, Bob took his new bride to
MIKE: The sacrificial altar of the demon-lord, Saban.
> his
>Australian sheep station
SERVO: All a-baaaaaaah-d.
> for their honeymoon, so her parents could meet
>their new son-in-law. After a week and a half in Australia, they flew
>to Paris for the remainder of their
CROW: Life sentence.
> honeymoon.
>
> Things were relatively ordinary when they
MIKE: Began to obsess over Jeopardy.
> returned home, where
>Bob,
CROW: Gave up his career to run an inn in Vermont, occasionally
encountering Larry and his brother Darrell and his other brother
Darrell.
> belatedly, gave Kat her injection of
SERVO: Sodium pentethol.
> the immortality serum. Within
>a few months, the Gold
MIKE: That was the backbone of the Crowmeowme family fortune was stolen
by Oddjob.
> Ranger appeared. Lord Trey of Triforia was a
>descendent of
CROW: The inventor of the serving tray.
> Trycho the architect. Soon, Jason returned
SERVO: With his Argonauts and the Golden Fleece.
> to claim
MIKE: Brian's marriage to Kim was invalid because he had married Kim five
years ago.
> the
>Gold powers before
CROW: Tommy melted them down to make chains for Mr T.
> the Machine Empire could. With the introduction of
>the Super Zeo Zords, Bob's Zord was able to go from
SERVO: 0 to 60 in .001 seconds.
> Zeo Warrior to
>Super Zeo Warrior. This meant
CROW: Kat was a lot happier in the mornings.
> the armor of the Zeo Zord Prime was
>'stronger than
ALL: Dirt.
> before.' With the destruction of
MIKE: The special effects budget.
> the Machine Empire
>hierarchy, thanks to Rita and Zedd, the Rangers could
SERVO: Sell them for spare parts.
> rest. Then came
ALL: Bronson.
>Divatox. Brian, Kim and Willy had been
CROW: merged into one being, combining Brian's potential for evil, Kim's
drop-dead good looks, and Willy's intellect.
> visiting Angel Grove. Brian was at the
>dojo when Kim
SERVO: Finally had his credit cards cut up by a store clerk.
> went diving with Jason and was captured. Brian
>accompanied the Rangers and used his
MIKE: Secret decoder ring to find them.
> fighting skills to help in the
>battle on Muranthia. Using mini cameras, Bob filmed the entire
SERVO: Wedding night, which he sold to Penthouse.
> switch-
>over from Zeo to Turbo and modified it into a documentary, called
CROW: Piece of junk that made less money than The Devil's Own?
>Turbo. When released, it made less
SERVO: Sense than the actual series.
> money than Brian's film, perhaps
>because of it's documentary status.
>
> Bob's TurboZord was

MIKE: Stripped for parts the first time he went into downtown Angel
Grove.
> extremely unique. It was a Silver Limo called
>Stretched Fury, and was operated by
CROW: Five Hamsters in five treadmills.
> a robot chauffeur called
SERVO: Max, he takes care of them. Cause when they me, it was murdah.
> Je.E.V.S.
>(Jeevs), or Jet Engineered Vehicular Systemsbot.
MIKE: That's not a robot name.
CROW: Yeah, call him...Timmy.
SERVO: Nooooooooo!
> Je.E.V.S. spoke for
MIKE: The trees, he speaks for the trees, the trufula trees.
>Stretched Fury when it transformed
CROW: Joined with the other Stunticons to form Menasor.
> to LimoZord warrior mode. Bob's
>current weapon is the extending Fury Pike, which poses as
MIKE: Nick Fury, Agent of SHIELD
> an antenna on
>the Turbo R.A.M.
SERVO: No, it's the Dodge R.A.M.
> The best news of all is
CROW: The writer of this story has just been found dead, murdered by a
sense of good literature.
> that Bob and Kat will become
>parents in June, right
SERVO: Wrong, any baby they have would crawl away as soon as he hears his
parents are Power Rangers.
> around their first anniversary. Already, their
>child shows
MIKE: Up only on the most powerful unltrasound machines.
> potential, it shifted itself into the
SERVO: (as Rod Serling) The Twillight Zone.
(all hum the Twilight Zone Theme)
> safe dimension when
>it sensed a monster was about to
MIKE: Take a bite out of Crime
> kick Kat in the stomach {see Shadow
>Rangers).
CROW: Why?
> Is this due to being exposed to both Zeo and Turbo powers
>during development?
SERVO: Is this going to make us vomit?
> We'll have to wait and see,but one thing is known,
>at Kat's last monthly visit to the doctor, he recommended
MIKE: Sugarless gum for his patients who chew gum.
> not using the
>pocket dimension for the remaining month
CROW: Of the Holiday shopping season.
> of pregnancy. Thus, at the
>first sign
ALL: Movie Sign?
> of Pirahnahtron attack, Kat is instantly teleported to
>safety and a clone
ALL: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
> of her assumes her place. Will the child be
>a son or daughter? Will there be more than one?
MIKE: There can be only one.
> Only time will tell.
(They leave the theater)
(Door Sequence)
(Mike and Bots are playing with old Power Ranger Figures, MIKE is
painting a Red Ranger, a White Ranger, a blue Zeo Ranger and a Green
Turbo Ranger Silver, while the bots are making new zords)
MIKE: Ok, I've finished the first Silver Ranger and the revised Silver
Ranger, do either of you have a spare Ninja Ranger?
CROW: Just a yellow one.
SERVO: I've got a pink one.
MIKE: Fine, I'll forget Silver Ninja Ranger. How are you two coming with
the Zords?
SERVO: Well, I finished turning Tigerzord to Cheetahzord and Falconzord
to Eaglezord, with a painted ThunderMegazord subbing for Eaglezord
warrior-mode.
CROW: I've just finished the Raptor's Egg, the Pegasus, and Stetched Fury
limozord, but I'm not sure about the Trojan Horse, but I'm thinking
of building it out of...
MIKE: (Seeing what Crow has in mind) They might seem appropriate but I
wouldn't use those boxes.
(Pearl's Ship)
PEARL: Hello boys. While you were losing your marbles, we stopped by a
garage sale and picked up something for you. It's called
Superhuman Samurai Syber-Squad.
(SOL)
All: Ahhhhhhhhh!
(Fade to black)
(Closing Credits)
STINGER: Bob was awake, reading the latest issue of Fortune magazine. Kat
entered and gave herself to Bob.