[MiSTied] Allic's Nightmare

[Petrea E. Mitchell]

[SOL interior, over towards the hex field. Close up of Mike]

MIKE: Hi folks. It occured to me that the 'bots spend most of their
time making fun of things and don't spend much time improving their
socialization skills. So I've programmed them to perform a little
pschoanalysis on each other. Let's watch.

[Cambot pans right, Tom is laying on a sofa (skirt away from camera).
Crow sits next to him in a black suitcoat, wearing a monacle and
holding a pipe. He speaks in a bad Germanic accent]

CROW: Tell me, Mr. Servo, have you had any dreams?

TOM: Yes, I had one just last night.

CROW: Tell me about it.

TOM: Well, I was sitting on a deserted beach eating an ice cream
cone and...

CROW: Yessss, I see.

TOM: Huh? How could you see, I haven't gotten to the dream yet?!

CROW: Ah, but you have. You say you were eating an ice cream cone,
yes? But clearly your arms couldn't get an ice cream cone to your
mouth...

TOM: Don't start with that.

CROW: So clearly there must have been someone with you to hold
the cone while you ate it. Yet you say you were alone. So you
failed to notice the person performing this menial task. Add
to this the strange correlation of the words desert and beach,
as well as dessert and ice cream, and you see that...

TOM: What are you talking about?!

CROW: Clearly you are suffering from a seriously over-inflated
ego. My recommendation is that you turn off your hover skirt
for the rest of this experiment and be forced to learn what it
is to be dependant on others.

TOM: Mike, do I have to do this?

MIKE: Yes, Servo. It's therapy.

MAGIC VOICE: Commercial sign in 5-4-...

MIKE: Crow, you're next on the couch.

TOM: Heh-heh-heh.

{cue the cc promo where the car breaks down and the guy goes
off to get help. But instead of finding the trailer he stumbles
into leatherface's house. Embelish at your own risk}

[SOL interior. Crow is on the sofa. Tom is sitting on the
chair looking much less animated than he usually does]

TOM: Spill it, Crow.

CROW: Spill what?

TOM: Your dreams.

CROW: I haven't had any.

TOM: I don't care. Make one up, works out the same.

CROW: Okay. I was on a beach eating an ice cream cone. [Long
pause] Aren't you going to stop me there?

TOM: No.

CROW: Okay. And there were some people out waterskiing. And
I was worried that I didn't have enough sun-block on. [pauses again]
And Monty Hall was there, and he said I had won some sun-block
or I could have what's behind door number 2. [pauses again]
Well, I at least had _some_ sun-block so I went for the door.
[getting exasperated] And there was an elephant behind the
door! Would you say something already?!

TOM: Yes. I see that you are not at all in touch with your
feminine side. For the remainder of this experiment you must
say something complementary about the physical appearance of
every male you encounter.

CROW: What! What does that have to do with sun-block and elephants.

TOM: Well, I might see things differently if I were, say,
hovering.

CROW: Bite me, red boy. You're a doorstop for as long as I say.

TOM: Then you're sweet-talking the men.

CROW: Okay, but not you!

TOM: Fair enough.

[Deep 13 light flashes. Mike steps in]

MIKE: Well, okay. That didn't really go to well. But maybe
they'll learn something from all this. Let's see what Charlie
and Emilio have to say...

TOM: Before you do, Mike.....Crow?

CROW: [head swaying in disbelief] Mike, your...jumpsuit is really
clingy in all the right spots.

MIKE: Well thanks Crow. And you...[turns to camera]

[DEEP 13]

Dr. F: Well hello, apple-dumpling-gang. You seem to have peered
within the invention exchange of the people sitting next to you.
Today we present, the "Magic Freud Cigar". It works on much the
same principle as the magic 8-ball, but gives pschoanalysis instead
of simple yes-no answers. Frank?

[Dr. F. steps aside. Frank is behind him holding a large plastic
cigar]

FRANK: Thanks, Steve. See, you ask a question about somebody and turn
it over, like this: [to cigar] Why does Dr. Forrester like to kill me
so much? [turns cigar over and reads] The subject seems to have amorous
thoughts about his or her mother.

Dr. F: [taking cigar] That's enough of that. Why must you always
call me Steve? [Frank points to the cigar] Ah, yes. [reading]
Subject never successfully completed potty-training. Well, there
you...huh? [turning to camera] Anyway, boobies. Your experiment
today...

[SOL]

MIKE: Before you do that, sirs. I think Crow has something to say
to you.

CROW: What? Huh? THEM! Oh all right. Frank, with the '70's
coming back I bet you'll look great in bell-bottoms.

[DEEP 13]

FRANK: Why you're right, I d...

[SOL]

CROW: And Dr. Forrester. [does double take] You know, if I were
human, I'd wnat to look just like you. The hair. The jaw. Mmmmm.

TOM: Wow, he's kinda getting into it.

MIKE: Maybe we'll get lucky and flattery will get us out of the
experiment.

[DEEP 13]

Dr. F: No such luck today. You're experiment is a 3 part story
from alt.pub.dragons-inn. It involves a continuing character I
doubt you've seen before, so that should help you to empathize with
him. Eat hearty....

[SOL, lights flash. The usual posting-sign mayhem]

[G...6...5...4...3...2...1...Theatre interior]

In article <3erjl1$1...@mercury.wright.edu>, s00...@discover.wright.edu
(Rajesh Nanda) wrote:

> Path:
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> From: s00...@discover.wright.edu (Rajesh Nanda)
> Newsgroups: alt.dragons-inn
> Subject: [Well]

MIKE: Well, well.

> Allic's Nightmare - part I (repost)
> Date: 9 Jan 1995 15:10:25 GMT
> Organization: Wright State University, Dayton, OH 45435
> Lines: 62
> Message-ID: <3erjl1$1...@mercury.wright.edu>
> NNTP-Posting-Host: discover.wright.edu

> [Note: I've had some trouble getting access, but it should be
> fixed now. I'm reposting this sequence, since Red and Tyges
> are back, and I'm hoping that Slipfinger

TOM: [singing to "Goldfinger"] Slip-fingerrr!

> will be too. This
> takes place the morning after the fight with the trolls.

MIKE: Oh, come on, is the site fee really that exorbitant?

> Just as everyone was waking up, and as Allic approached the
> fire that Cas had started to cook breakfast, Corellan's
> 'blood bird' flew over to Allic, landed on his shoulder,
> then Allic passed out....

CROW: Phew! Do blood birds ever bathe?

> this is what ensued.]

TOM: Previously, on _Hill_Street_Blues_.

>
> The last thing I remembered were those cold, cruel
> red eyes as the blood bird flew at me.

MIKE: And I remember thinking I'd read something like this
in one of Mercedes Lackey's books.

> Then there
> was darkness. I was laying on a hard, grassy
> surface.

CROW: Okay, who starched the grass?

> I was in a forest. Even though there
> were no sounds to tell me this, I knew I was in
> a forest.

TOM: I just *knew*, okay?

> Not only were there no forest sounds,
> there were no sounds at all. No voices, no birds
> chirping, no leaves rustling in the wind,

MIKE: No chainsaws mercilessly slaughtering virgin timber...

> no wind
> even. I began to wonder if I was even alive anymore.

CROW: But then I felt how soggy my pants were.

> I felt a panic start inside me.

TOM: In Heaven, no one can hear you scream.

> I knew the only way
> to stop it was to open my eyes, but I didn't want
> to, for fear of what I might or might not find.

MIKE: Baywatch is on.
ALL: Nooooooooooooo.

>
> Finally, I couldn't take it any more.

CROW: After a while, Duncan couldn't take the mindless repetition.

> I threw my eyes

MIKE: Whoa! That's kind of a drastic solution, don't you think?

> open.
> I was looking upon a canopy of leaves and branches
> framing a clear blue sky.

TOM: It's a fair cop. The sky did it.

> I looked around. No one was
> in sight. Cas, Tyges, Slip, Red,

MIKE: Chief, McCloud, Dinsdale, John, Paul, George, Ringo,
Jamaal, Gaby, Rob, Alex, Tina, Lenni...
TOM: Crow, I bet some of those were men...
CROW: They're off-screen for cryin out loud!
TOM: Would it hurt to try?
CROW: Oh, all right. [softly] Gentlemen, the pixels forming your
names remind me of moonlight on cat fur.
MIKE: Wow!
CROW: Like I've ever _seen_ moonlight on cat fur.

> all gone. I sat up.
> I began to wonder if perhaps I had jumped dimensions
> again?

CROW: Gotta quit mixing drugs.

> I still had my memories, so perhaps I hadn't.
> But who was to say memory loss was part of the process?
> Maybe that had been a fluke the first time?

MIKE: Flukes are at the other end of the body, Allic.

> I began
> to feel a sadness fall upon me.

TOM: I wish an anvil would fall him.

> If I had changed dimensions
> then how would I get back? Even worse, was everyone
> doing o.k.? I'd hate for them to be worrying about me.
> I stopped my train of thought.

CROW: Why don't they think?

> I knew that it would
> get me nowhere.

MIKE: Because it was already off the rails.

> The best thing to do was to try
> to find someone here to help me. And sitting around
> wasn't the way to find someone.

CROW: Though it was the way to get hemmorhoids.

>
> I looked myself over, just to make sure I wasn't hurt
> in any way.

TOM: I just couldn't trust my pain nerves to tell me.

> I was still dressed the same way I had been
> earlier: a long-sleeved, white silk shirt, black pants,
> a red sash, from which hung my scabbarded katana, low,
> leather boots, and a black cape.

MIKE: Zorro does Japan!
TOM: Now's as good a time as any, Crow.
CROW: Allic, the last time I was at Benihana, you gave me
excellent service.
TOM: CROW!
CROW: I'm working on it, okay?

> It felt like my hair
> was pulled back,

MIKE: So I threw open my head to check.

> and from the looks of things I was
> uninjured. I stood and started to walk. The sun
> was very nearly overhead, so I just picked a direction
> and went with it.

TOM: Why not look for which side of the trees the moss is growing on?
MIKE: Maybe he's in Oregon.

>
> I walked until the sun began to near the horizon.

CROW: Faster than I did.

> Now was
> a good time to take a short rest. The forest had been
> completely empty so far.

MIKE: Not a tree in sight, but I knew it was a forest.

> No people, no animals, not even
> a slight breeze. I picked one of the larger rocks at the
> side of the trail and took a seat.

TOM: [Hee Haw] I'm a pickin'.
CROW: [ " " ] And I'm a sittin'.

> I closed my eyes as
> I slipped deep into thought. Where was I, and how had I
> gotten here?

MIKE: Oh, for my copy of _Dianetics_!

> I opened my eyes to look around me again
> and gasped at what was before me. Before I had closed my
> eyes I had been surrounded by forest. Now a castle stood
> in front of me.

TOM: Allic, meet Baba Yaga's castle.

> I blinked in disbelief. Then the memories
> began to flood back. This was not just any castle. It was
> my castle. The castle I had grown up in.

TOM: The castle where I had received my first drunken-jousting citation.
The castle I had been garderobe-trained in. The castle
where--
MIKE: Whoa, Tom! You're getting way too historically accurate for this
story.

> The castle in which
> I was to have wed my beloved Alarice.

TOM: Do you think he means "Alaric"?
MIKE: Let's hope it isn't *that* kind of fantasy...
CROW: Yeah. There are enough men in this story.

In article <3erjms$1...@mercury.wright.edu>, s00...@discover.wright.edu
(Rajesh Nanda) wrote:

> Path:
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> From: s00...@discover.wright.edu (Rajesh Nanda)

TOM: Bhagwan Sri Rajesh Nanda?

> Newsgroups: alt.dragons-inn
> Subject: [Well] Allic's Nightmare - part II (repost)
> Date: 9 Jan 1995 15:11:24 GMT
> Organization: Wright State University, Dayton, OH 45435
> Lines: 77
> Message-ID: <3erjms$1...@mercury.wright.edu>
> NNTP-Posting-Host: discover.wright.edu

> I stood and headed straight for the castle. It loomed larger
> larger as I neared it.

MIKE: Good, I was worried the laws of perspective didn't work
in this universe.

> I had spent many a year here.

CROW: Were they large years?

> I held most of the good an bad times of my life within its
> walls.

TOM: Dungeons are so useful.

> The drawbridge was down, and the guards nodded in
> recognition to me as I approaced.
> "Good evening, Prince Allic."

MIKE: [as guard] Pardon, Your Highness, but you're dropping
characters left and right.

> "Good evening, James. How have things been while I was
> away?"
> "You were gone for but a few hours, m'lord. Things have
> not changed much."

TOM: A full day's news every half-hour.

> A few hours?!?!?

CROW: Oh, man, I was supposed to have the car back by six!

> "Thank you, James." And I entered
> the castle.

TOM: Crow, he's getting away.
CROW: Oh right. James, and the unnamed other guard, you perform
your mindless, wretched duties with a skill and aplomb that
far outranks your, uh, rank.

> He had said I had been gone for only a
> few hours,

MIKE: We were there!

> but how could that be? I had spent a couple
> weeks with everyone before I had appeared back here.

CROW: Everyone?
TOM: <shrug> You know... everyone.

> Something was not right, I could just feel it.

CROW: But I knew if I did she'd press charges.

>
> I went through the castle, remembering exactly where
> everything was.

MIKE: Well it's only been two weeks.
CROW: Hours.
TOM: Whatever.

> I decided to head straight for my room.
> Maybe I could find answers there.

MIKE: Sure. If you've been unexpectedly switching dimensions,
that's the obvious place to look.
TOM: Eight ball. Where's my eight ball?

> A few moments later I
> found myself at the door to my room. It was a solidly
> built oak door that was iron bound.

MIKE: To iron in a handbasket.
TOM: Neil Simon's "Iron Bound".

> There was an iron
> ring set on the right side, at about hip level, opposite
> the hinges on the left.

CROW: It's like this guy thinks we've never seen a door before!

> I reached for the ring, and stopped
> just short of it. Something told me not to open the door.

TOM: Thanks, Ghostwriter.
MIKE: Landshark.

> I shrugged it off,

CROW: Woo-hoo, take it off!

> dismissing it as paranoia, and threw
> open the door.
>
> My jaw hit the floor as I gazed into the room.

MIKE: See, he does have detachable body parts.

> Standing there
> was the most lovely creature I had ever seen. Her long, flowing
> blonde hair fell past her shoulders,

TOM: <heh> Her wig fell off.

> and surrounded her like
> a glowing nimbus as the last rays of the sun found their
> way through the window.

CROW: And I was left with a nimbus-circled bald chick.

> Her deep blue eyes were like
> pools of water, in which I found myself drowning.

MIKE: How do you test the depth of eyes?
CROW: It's the big "8" printed on her forehead.

> She moved
> across the room, a subtle grace and athleticism in her
> stride. I was able to muster one word as she approaced
> me, "Alarice".

TOM: And hurl it at her like the mystic Nerf Boomerang of Doom.

>
> She raised one slender hand to my cheek, and ran her soft
> fingers from my cheekbone to my chin.

MIKE: Opening a gash that would leave a scar forever.

> She smiled and leaned
> in close to me. She smelled as divine as she looked,

CROW: And seeing how she's bald and everything...
MIKE: Aren't you glad you used Dial? Don't you wish everyone did?

> and
> her lips were moist and tender as they touched mine.
> "I love you" was all she said, all she needed to say.
> I had turned to mush,

TOM: Ebola Mayinga can do that to you.

> but I managed those three words
> in return, "I love you." We embraced, and for a moment,
> all was right with the world. All had been forgotten.

MIKE: Including the audience! Could somebody please fill in
some background!

> My friends on their quest, my brother and that evil
> little bird, my unexplained arrival here, it was all
> nothing compared to how I felt right now. The embrace
> ended much too soon. She beckoned me into the room.

MIKE: Hey guys, what's up?
OTHERS: It's working for us, Mike.
MIKE: But it's "Dear Penthouse" stuff.
CROW: More like a Harlequin, I think.
TOM: Great, if they publish it, it'll have Fabio on the cover.
OTHERS: Ewwwwwww.

>
> "I missed you, Allic. You left early in the morning.
> I felt you kiss my cheek, and by the time I awoke, you
> were gone.

MIKE: He's got a kiss with a fuze.

> You didn't leave a message saying where you
> had gone. I was worried about you."

CROW: [Allic] You're suffocating me.

> She fluttered her
> eyelashes, and I knew that I couldn't hide anything
> from her.

TOM: Well, if you weren't wearing that toga.

>
> "I went to get you this." I reached into the sash I wore,
> which doubled as a pouch on most occasions, and withdrew

MIKE: My heart.

> a small flower. It hadn't opened yet, but it was beautiful
> nonetheless.

CROW: Much like Alarice.
MIKE: Crow!

> An iridescent wash of colors played on the
> closed petals, and they were reflected in Alarice's eyes.
> She smiled, and rewarded me with another kiss as she took
> the flower.

TOM: Snausages.
CROW: If this is a nightmare, let me have bad dreams forever!

>
> I could see tears starting in her eyes. Not tears of sadness,

MIKE: Tears of acid.

> tears of joy. "You went all that way to get me a
> Jewel of the Forest?"

TOM: All what way? How do *you* know?

> The tears were streaming down
> her cheeks.

CROW: Her tears stream, her hair flows.
MIKE: Hope she's wearing depends.

>
> "I'd do anything for you, love, anything." She threw
> her arms around me, and showered me with kisses.

MIKE: There she goes again.
TOM: Hope this guy owns a mop.

> The last
> rays of the sun caught the petals, and a sparkle filled the
> room as the light was reflected.

In article <3erjt4$1...@mercury.wright.edu>, s00...@discover.wright.edu
(Rajesh Nanda) wrote:

> Path:
> bdmcom!uunet!news.erinet.com!malgudi.oar.net!hyperion.wright.edu!mercury.wright.edu!s001rhn
> From: s00...@discover.wright.edu (Rajesh Nanda)
> Newsgroups: alt.dragons-inn
> Subject: [Well] Allic's Nightmare - part III (repost)

TOM: So where's the Black Stallion?

> Date: 9 Jan 1995 15:14:44 GMT
> Organization: Wright State University, Dayton, OH 45435
> Lines: 119
> Message-ID: <3erjt4$1...@mercury.wright.edu>
> NNTP-Posting-Host: discover.wright.edu

> We both watched the colors play across the walls as the sun
> slowly sank past the horizon. "It took me a while to find
> one that would open at the perfect time."

CROW: I thought he was lost and confused. When did he pick flowers?

>
> Alarice looked at me quizically, "What do you mean?"
>
> I smiled, "I had to find one that would bloom as we
> said our vows,

MIKE: And rip it callously from the stem that gave it life, just
so we could have our cute little symbolism.

> to make the ceremony one that everyone
> would remember."

TOM: [minnewegian] Wasn't the flower lovely?

> She tightened her grip on me and the
> smile on her face only added to her beauty. She suddenly
> stood and became very serious.
>
> "I've got something I want to show you too!"

CROW: [Allic] Yes! I'm in!

> The smile
> crept back as she headed for the wardrobe. The doors
> opened, and she disappeared behind them.

TOM: Stephano?
[MiSTer's note: Todd is giving 2 net points for the first person
who knows the proper Stephano and 3 more for knowing why it's
appropriate here.]

> I could hear
> a rustling, and saw her working on something. Then she
> reappeared, holding a vibrant purple dress in her hands.
> "What do you think? I picked it for the feast after
> our wedding."

MIKE: There's a dress tree in the forest?

>
> It was beautiful, and would look even more so on her.

CROW: Much like me.
MIKE: Crow!

> "It's beautiful, love."

TOM: [as Allic] And will look even more so on me. I mean, you.

> I moved as if to stand and
> embrace her, but she motioned for me to stay sitting
> on the bed. Just then I felt a slight pressure on
> the ring finger of my right hand.

CROW: [dentist] You should only feel a slight pressure.

> Something wasn't right.

MIKE: That would be your left hand, Allic.

> I leaned to my right, and felt something sting my left
> shoulder as I did so. I heard a metallic clatter, and
> when I looked to the noise, I saw the unicorn amulet
> that I always wore on the ground at my feet, it's
> leather strap neatly severed.

TOM: [as Alarice] Allic, honey, you're leaning back and
forth like an _Enterprise_ crewman during a battle scene.

> I tried to bend
> over to pick it up but found I couldn't move.

MIKE: Scared Straight.

> I panicked and tried again, but still I coulnd't move.

CROW: Or spell.

>
> Then I heard an evil chuckle. "You nobles are all
> alike. One little spell and you can't move a muscle."
> His voice was like metal grating metal.

TOM: Why do I have a sudden craving for pasta?

> "I bet you
> can't even use that fancy sword you're wearing,
> _Prince_ Allic." The title was said with derision.

MIKE: [derisively] "Allic's Nightmare".

>
> A black gloved hand forced my head up so that I was no
> longer gazing down.

TOM: Oh great. Now we're going to have a debate on the workings
of a hold person spell.

> Before me was a man clothed entirely
> in black, a long, wicked looking dagger in his right hand.

MIKE: Maybe he's just happy to see him.
TOM: Crow, are you happy to see this guy?
CROW: Not ready yet. I'll let you know.

> Beside him was Alarice, frozen in much the same was as
> I was.

MIKE: Oh, they're playing "Mother May I".

> I could see the fear in her eyes, and I was
> sure that it was mirrored in mine.

CROW: Well, you've got to admit, he sort of set himself up
for this, going around without any bodyguards.

>
> "How do you think I should do this, 'Prince'?", mocked
> the voice from the figure. "Should it be slow
> and painful? Or quick and painless?

CROW: Slow and painful!
TOM: Quick and painless!
MIKE: Take the cash!
CROW: Door number three!

> Should I remove
> one finger at a time? Or just thrust this dagger through
> her eye?" He flipped the dagger a couple of times.

MIKE: Ow! Darn! Should've practiced that move more.

> "Oh, silly me, I forgot, you can't move a muscle can
> you? I guess I'll have to just decide myself."

TOM: I'm guessing this guy isn't pro-life.
CROW: Well, no. He's clearly pro-choice.
MIKE: Hey, I don't want people to even think we're taking
sides on that one.

> He laughed maniacally and stepped towards Alarice.

TOM: [Kahn] He tasks me.

>
> I wanted to scream. I wanted to stand up and rip
> this man apart, just for even thinking of hurting
> my Alarice.

CROW: I'll harm you!

> I tried with all of my might to throw
> myself at him, but all I managed was to move my
> right hand ever so slightly.

MIKE: So I threw it at him.

> The assassin noticed.
> "So, you're a bit stronger than your average foppish
> noble, huh?

TOM: [Allic] Yeah, I'm the Atlas of foppish nobles.

> Let's fix that." He muttered a quick
> word, and I felt another wave of helplessness hit me.

MIKE: Oh, the assassin is a Comedy Central programmer.
CROW: [surfer voice] Shoot the curl, dude!

> "That should keep you until I'm done. And just think,
> you'll get to sit there and watch, and there's not a
> thing you can do." He laughed again, and stepped behind
> Alarice, his knife poised to strike.

TOM: At least he enjoys his work.

>
> He took hold of her left hand with his. He raised it,
> and in a mocking voice said, "Bye-bye, Allic. Nice knowing
> you" as he made her wave. I wanted so badly to be able
> to challenge this coward to a fair fight.

CROW: Losing is soooo unfair.

> Anything I
> could do to spare Alarice from harm. Then his knife
> flashed.

TOM: Thunder, thunder, Thundercats, ho!

> Blood splattered the floor. I wasn't exactly
> sure where the wound was, but I knew it was somewhere
> to the body.

CROW: <mock gasp> I see now! If it hadn't been to the body,
there wouldn't have been any blood!
MIKE: Boy, is that Allic sharp!

> His knife struck again, and more blood
> covered the walls and floor.

TOM: Ooh, just like that knife.
MIKE: Yeah, every time he thinks, I feel like *I'm* bleeding.

> "You know, she can feel
> every single cut. I bet you'd really like to get your
> hands on me right now, huh?"

CROW: Okay, I'm ready. Mr. assassin, you are clearly very
sensitive to the feelings of your victims.

> Another slice, and more
> blood. Every nerve in my body was on fire. All I could
> think of was how I was going to be able to move and kill
> this man. All I could think of was how I wished I could
> move and do something to help my beloved Alarice.

MIKE: All I could think of was different every time I
thought about it.

>
> The blade struck again. Everything moved in slow
> motion. I saw each painstaking moment as the razor-sharp
> edge headed on it's course towards her neck. It inched closer
> and closer, as I sat helpless, unable to stop this
> man from killing the woman I loved more than life itself.
> As the blade struck her neck, and the warm blood sprayed
> across the room, I felt a slight tingle in my fingers.
> I felt her blood hit my face.

CROW: [Beavis or Butthead voice] Huh-huh-huh, that was cool.

> At that instant I was
> free.

TOM: And she was dead so I ran like hell.

> I let loose the most horrifying noise ever
> heard from a human being.

CROW: "I'm here to audit you!"

> The assassin didn't know what
> hit him. One moment I was sitting there, the next I had
> caved in his head with my bare hands.

MIKE: I'm only buying that if he shatters every bone in his hand.

> All it took was
> one blow.
>
> I looked down on my beloved Alarice. He blood stained the
> floor.

TOM: I imagine he did, yes.

> The Jewel of the Forest lay in the middle of
> the growing pool,

CROW: In the fish pond?
MIKE: Cue the slighty gruesome metaphor...

> an iridescent island on an ocean
> of crimson. I saw the life quickly fading from
> her eyes. I knew that there wasn't enough time to
> save her.

TOM: So I had her sign a codicil to her will.

> The cut had been true and deadly. I took
> her in my arms, heedless of the blood staining my
> white shirt.

CROW: And he's a *necrophiliac* fop, eww!

> She reached for me, managing a weak embrace.

MIKE: I thought he said he didn't have time to save her.

> Tears streamed down my face.

TOM: He's infected!

> She pulled me close, and
> with her last breath she uttered, "I'll love you always."

MIKE: Which was quite an accomplishment for someone whose
neck had just been sliced open.

> Then she was dead.

CROW: Making her previous comment moot.

> The scream I let loose was even more
> horrific than my first. The first had been in vengeance,
> this one was one of sorrow.

MIKE: [Lucille Ball] Waaaaaaaaah, Ricky!.

>
> -------------
>
> Suddenly Allic sits up and lets loose a haunting wail.

TOM: Suddenly he is in the third person.

> Tears are streaming down his face and his eyes are closed.
>
> ---Allic

[1...2...3...4...5...6...G]

[SOL, Mike sits with Tom in his lap. Crow is nearby]

TOM: Say, Mike. Have you had any nightmares?

MIKE: Yeah. I had one where I was kidnapped by two mad scientists
and shot into space [cambot goes into dream-sequence focus]

CROW: Hold it right there, you're not getting off this satellite
with a cheesy "it was all a dream" ending. Cambot, pull focus
one more millimeter and I'm going to make you re-edit _Searching_
For_Bobby_Fischer_.

MIKE: [still out of focus] But the editing in that film was perfect.

CROW: Exactly. It would depress the heck out of Cambot to
have to change it. [focus comes back]

MIKE: So what did we learn about Allic from his nightmare?

CROW: Ooo-ooo-ooo I know. Basically he has all our problems and more.

MIKE: Good. Tom?

TOM: What's to know? I just want this over with so I can hover again.

MIKE: Okay little buddy, engage thrusters.

[Tom jiggles a little bit, then flies out of Mikes lap like a
cork from a champagne bottle. He lodges in the ceiling]

[fade to black]

TOM: Wow, I think I'm hallucinating.

CROW: [Germanic accent again] Tell me what you see...
-------------
MSTed by Petrea Mitchell and Todd Gilbert

Disclaimer: MST3K and related situations/characters/settings/scenarios
are the property of Best Brains; they had nothing to do with our
writing this. This MSTing was done for the sole purpose of
entertainment and is not meant to be a personal attack on the original
author(s) in any way. We intended no flames on any organizations,
characters, products, people, or ideas which were referenced in this
MSTing. This MSTing reflects our own personal viewpoints, and does not
necessarly reflect the views of our employers, our families or any other
entity.

--
/ <|> <|> <pr...@mvp.com> <pr...@gm.dev.com>
Petrea Mitchell <pem...@is.nyu.edu>
> I looked myself over, just to make sure I wasn't hurt
> in any way.