Money recon [MiSTied] -- Hour 2
Austin George Loomis
table in front of him are action figures: Data, First Seasons Data, Lore,
and Data as a Romulan.]
SPINER: Welcome to the second half of our Mystery Science Theatre Hour
special. I'm Brent Spiner, filling in for Jack Perkins, who is still
hors de combat. Last time, Mike and the 'bots were subjected to some
strange mystical ramblings about how we already know everything,
except the things we think we know. Something like that, anyway.
We also began "Money recon", a strange work of revisionist history
about how lawyers are even more evil than you ever suspected and FDR
destroyed the meaning of America. And now, the conclusion of our
Ludwig Plutonium retrospective.
[SoL. Mike and the bots staring at the hexfield.]
MIKE: What happened?
[D13. It looks like there's been an explosion. The Mads are covered
with soot, as are the walls.]
DR.F: Apparently, the Shambling Thing's plutonium brain destabilized.
FRANK: I think I need a shower, Steve.
DR.F: Very well. [turns to go] Enjoy the rest of this post, Mr. Nelson!
[SoL as before.]
TOM: Speaking of Plutonium brains destabilizing...
MIKE: We've got Illuminati sign!
[Theatre doors.]
>>From sn...@world.std.com Sun Jun 19 11:51:34 PDT 1994
>Article: 14950 of alt.conspiracy
>Newsgroups: alt.conspiracy
>Path: galaxy.ucr.edu!ihnp4.ucsd.edu!swrinde!howland.reston.ans.net!
+ spool.mu.edu!bloom-beacon.mit.edu!
CROW: Yeah, this one is up to Bloom Beacon standards of journalism.
TOM: Spoken like a true flightless waterfowl.
>world!snet
>From: sn...@world.std.com (Ludwig Plutonium)
>Subject: Money recon 3/6
>Message-ID: <CrMA...@world.std.com>
TOM: MAJ? I thought that was reserved for posts about Majel Barrett-
Shatner!
MIKE: No, just posts that have no relation to reality.
>Organization: The World Public Access UNIX, Brookline, MA
CROW: Contact Leader Kibo. Inform him that Dr. Plutonium has escaped
from the zoo and bitten himself to death.
>Date: Sat, 18 Jun 1994 23:57:08 GMT
>msgid: 114:1/0 68930419
>Lines: 89
>
>>>> Page #3. Continued from the previous message...
>
>rights?
>
CROW: Lefts.
TOM: Middles.
MIKE [simultaneously with Tom]: Uppercuts.
> The class action case referred to on page 1 was filed by the
>following plaintiffs:
>
TOM: Ludwig Plutonium, Alexander Abian, Hannu Porupovas, John_-_Winston,
Michael Courtney, Floyd_-_Meyer, Kahler Stuart Glenn...
> William G. Baskerville
> Shirley A. Baskerville
CROW: I wish they'd both dive into Grimpen Mire and disappear.
> J. B. Foster, Lorraine Foster aka LaVanda Foster
>
TOM: She's practicing to be Afrocentric if she grows up.
>The defendants are as follows:
>
CROW: Ferdinand Marcos, Manuel Antonio Noriega, Saddam Hussein, Ronald
W. Reagan, William J. Clinton...
TOM: George Herbert Walker Norris Wainwright Armoire Vestibule "Pookie"
Bush IV...
MIKE: And, in general, any politician anywhere.
> Federal Land Bank
> Farm Credit Services
TOM: Waitwaitwait. Didn't he say those two were the same thing last time?
CROW: You're assuming he said something meaningful last time.
TOM: You're right. I'm sorry.
> Credit Bank of Wichita
> Federal Land Bank of Wichita, A Corporation
> First Interstate Bank of Fort Collins
>Earnest L. Wilmer, an individual Fisher,
MIKE: A Fisher King, even.
>Brown, Muddleston,
>Gunn, Sackston, Shibley, Struman and Holts. Hill, Hill and
>Mangiee
TOM: Stonefriend, Stonefriend, Thwickhammer, Thwickhammer, Thwickhammer,
Thwickhammer, and Stonefriend, of Lincoln's Inn.
> William F. Dressail, an individual
> Charles E. Mathison, an individual
CROW: If they're individuals, why are these individual_ists_ taking them
to court?
MIKE: Because they're the wrong _kind_ of individuals.
CROW: Oh. And who gets to define the wrong kind of individuals?
MIKE: "Shut up," he explained.
> Stephn J. Jord
> J. A. Simplot, doing business as Simplot Builders
>
> All defendants were fined $50,000 which became $1,000,000.
TOM: How?
MIKE: Voodoo economics.
>All were ordered to pay. All licenses were suspended and they
>were not allowed to practice their professions.
>
TOM: They're punishing the producers! We must sacrifice our sacrifices!
Let the men of the mind go on strike!
MIKE: Have you been reading Stephen Grossman posts again?
> When you got a loan
CROW: When _I_ got a loan? Listen, duckweed...
>you were sold a credit life policy or
>you were told to get one
TOM: Which one was it? It's obvious you were there when I got this loan
(and I wasn't), so you tell me.
>to get your loan with the lender as
>beneficiary so in case you died the loan would be paid off. It
>was a default policy. If they could force you into default so
>you couldn't pay your note, they were paid off by the policy you
>bought, plus they got the property back.
>
MIKE: Somebody dub this into English, please.
TOM: This post is just sitting on my head and crushing it.
>The following institutions and agencies are all fraudulent:
>
TOM: SearchNet, the Abian Institute, Winston_-_Technologies...
> World Bank
> Interntional Monetary Fund
> Federal Reserve
> Banks
>
TOM: Banks? _All_ banks are fraudulent?
> There are two governments in the United States.
CROW: One for rich white guys, the other for everyone else.
MIKE: You been takin' Marx lessons again?
CROW: No, just watching the news.
>The Consti-
>tutional government of the 50 republic states aligned under the
>Constitution.
TOM [sings]: "When the Moon/Is in the Seventh House/And Jupiter/Aligns
with Mars..."
CROW [interrupts]: Ludwig Plutonium will make something resembling sense.
>The other is the Legislative Democracy which is
>the District of Columbia.
MIKE: I always _thought_ Congress was unconstitutional.
>The federal states (Puerto Rico,
>American Samoa, Guam, The Virgin Islands, and the Mariannas) and
>territories.
>
TOM: And I'm gonna light out for them ahead of the rest.
> On December 11, 1992, President Bush was to sign an
>executive order allowing the banks to close,
CROW: Which they do at the close of business every day anyway.
>forcing us into an
>economic chaos.
MIKE: As opposed to what we're in right now, I suppose.
>He was to sign another then, to put us into the
>new Constitution and the One World Order.
>
TOM: Another Single-Planet Theory fails. All out of time and into space!
MIKE: Remind me to program you with the formula for Prozac, Tom.
>
> The 1936 National Banking Act required all lending
>institutions to register their original charters with the Federal
>and State Bureau of Records. None of them complied.
MIKE: Actually, they did, but the paperwork got buried in soft peat and
recycled as firelighters.
>NO lending
>institutions are properly registered and are therefore not legal-
>ly able to operate as a lending institution.
>
TOM: There is none righteous, no, not one, for all have defaulted and come
short of the glory of Gold.
> Janet Reno, the new U.S. Attorney General has agreed to do
>everything she can to bring us back under the umbrella of the
>Constitution.
CROW: Unless your religion isn't approved of by ATF.
>An announcement will be made that all corporations
>are null and void.
>
TOM: Will that mean an end to Mentos ads?
> There will be a new banking system and banks will register
>with the new system. Those that don't will be taken over by the
>government and controlled by the government.
TOM: Hey, waitaminnit, I thought the government was The Enemy Which Must
Die!
MIKE: That's the government we have _now_, Tom. The _new_ one will be
better than that.
CROW [starts humming "Meet the new boss, same as the old boss" under what
would be his breath if he breathed]
MIKE: Did you say something, Crow?
CROW: Just -- clearing dust off my voice-box.
>New money will be
>issued and it will be backed by gold and silver.
>
TOM [sings]: "Silver and gold...Silver and gold...Mean so much more
when I see..."
> The 13th Amendment is to be implemented and enforced. At
>that time, all elected and appointed officials who are lawyers
>will be
CROW: Taken out and shot!
>sent home, except those that will be tried for treason.
>This will include Clinton and all past living presidents.
>
TOM: Y'see, Crow? We'll give 'em a fair and honest trial -- _then_
we'll take 'em out and shoot 'em.
> Delta Force, a special group of the military group that
MIKE: Appeared in a Chuck Norris film.
>banded together under Constitutional Law, confiscated the assets
>of everyone who owned
TOM: Two pairs of shoes and/or a necktie.
>stock in the Federal Reserve, foreign
>countries, the International Monetary Fund and the World Bank.
CROW: But it's okay, since none of those assets exist anyway. Remember:
all these organizations are fraudulent.
TOM: Even foreign countries?
MIKE: Amazing, isn't it?
>This was done under a Supreme Court order. They went into
>
TOM: A nearby phone-booth, and turned into SUPER-SURVIVALIST!
>>>> Continued to the next message...
>
MIKE: By this time my eyeballs were aching for air.
TOM [sings]: He sees the family home now/Looming in his headlights/The
pain upstairs that makes his eyeballs ache...
>--- GEcho 1.02+
> * Origin: XBN BBS - FREQ SEARCH or SEARCHNT.ZIP (114:1/0)
>
>
[5...4...3...2...]
[SoL. Mike and the Bots talking it over.]
MIKE: Do you think maybe he could have avoided breaking off in the middle
of sentences like that?
TOM: Probably, but that would require at least one clue.
MIKE: Oh right. I keep forgetting we're talking about Ludwig Plutonium.
CROW: Commercial sign in five...four...three...two...
[Daffy Duck demands that you shoot him now. Elmer Fudd gives him the
Mentos Finger. "Mentos, fwesh and fuww of wife!"]
[SoL as before.]
MIKE: We're not hearing _nearly_ enough from the Brainiac Brigade. I
hope nothing's happened to them.
TOM: Don't tell you _like_ them. Remember, they conked you on the noggin...
MIKE: ...and they shot me into space, yeah, but they _do_ control the food
and oxygen supply on this little home-away-from-gravity-well.
CROW: You're right...in a crazy way, I guess I _do_ hope nothing's
happened to them...
BOTS: NAH!
[D13. The Mads cowering in terror from something we can't see.]
DR.F: Don't hurt us. Please!
VOICE FROM OFF-CAMERA: You should have thought of that _before_ you
unleashed us. _Never_ call up what you cannot put down! MWAHAHAHA!
>
>>From sn...@world.std.com Sun Jun 19 11:51:46 PDT 1994
>Article: 14951 of alt.conspiracy
>Newsgroups: alt.conspiracy
>Path: galaxy.ucr.edu!ihnp4.ucsd.edu!swrinde!howland.reston.ans.net!
+ spool.mu.edu!bloom-beacon.mit.edu!
MIKE: stimpy.aol.com!jadzia.prodigy.com!dead-cow.netcom.com!metzger@f5.
n17.z23.fidonet.org!
>world!snet
>From: sn...@world.std.com (Ludwig Plutonium)
>Subject: Money recon 4/6
TOM: Ah recon money ain't worth a dayum thang no maw...
>Message-ID: <CrMA...@world.std.com>
>Organization: The World Public Access UNIX, Brookline, MA
>Date: Sat, 18 Jun 1994 23:57:13 GMT
>msgid: 114:1/0 68930577
TOM: Y'know, I just noticed -- this _is_ a FidoNet post.
CROW: Remind me to note that on my Bonehead Reply Form.
TOM: Hey, Crow -- when you fill out the Bonehead Reply Form, remember to
note that it was a FidoNet post.
>Lines: 89
>
>>>> Page #4. Continued from the previous message...
>
MIKE: We now join our regularly scheduled babblings already in progress.
>foreign countries and brought it all back. It was placed in a
>special account that these claims will be paid out of.
>
TOM: And now _you_ can collect your fair share of what we rightfully
stole, just by calling 1-800-CON-GAME.
> Over 800 trillion dollars was collected, enough to back
>every dollar in circulation and more. It is deposited in various
>places all over the country.
>
TOM: Bury $3125 in your backyard. One of our Underground Agents will
contact you shortly.
> This started over 18 years ago, but only in the last 1 1/2
>years have these groups been reclaiming our assets. Cosmos, a
>former CIA organization, broke
CROW: Every law on the books and some that were written just so we
could break them.
MIKE: It was just like Company days.
>banking codes and rerouted
>transfers to
TOM: Pad our own pockets at the total expense of the taxpayer!
>bring the money back into the continental United
>States.
>
CROW: And into the wallets of the government, which only wants to
hug you.
MIKE: Just ignore that hand in your back pocket. It's -- an affectionate
gesture. Yeah, dat's da ticket.
> Less than one year ago, the Joint Chiefs of Staff met with
>President Bush and told him they had
TOM [Michael Palin voice]: A lad out in the hallway with a thermonuclear
device, and they wanted a few words.
>a signed order given to them
>by Franklin D. Roosevelt in 1933. This executive order gave them
>the power in an economic emergency to
CROW: Nationalize any company making more than a mill a year.
>declare martial law. They
>did not want to invoke it, but they threatened him with it. They
>ordered Bush to take the necessary steps to take us back to the
>Constitution.
>
>
MIKE: We order you to take America back to democracy at gunpoint. This
is John Galt speaking.
> When Bush was campaigning, he kept talking about the New
>World Order. During the Iraq War he kept talking about NWO.
>Less than one year ago, Bush changed his physical appearances and
TOM: Started sleeping in a bucket every night.
>never spoke of the New World Order. After this, he always ended
>debates or speeches with "May God bless the United States of
>America". He never repeated the words "New World Order" ever
>again.
TOM: Legssus takes the New World Fnorder to Shig's cube-loving palace.
>Bush was ordered by the military to quit using the term
>"New World Order" and this shows the influence of the military.
>This also is the reason Clinton has backed off Bosnia.
>
TOM: I thought he was just bein' a waffle.
> Everything with Clinton is a smoke screen.
CROW: That's because he Doesn't Inhale.
>He was not
>elected legally. First of all, he is a lawyer. Secondly, he was
>not elected by the majority vote.
TOM: Six out of ten Americans can't be wrong! Impeach Slick Willie!
MIKE: Good thing I'm a Real American and voted for the Bush-Perot ticket.
>Thirdly, without a majority
>vote, it should have been decided in the House of Representa-
>tives. Three other requirements for the president to be official
>are:
>
MIKE: 1) He must not be an alien cyborg like Algore--
TOM: Y'got something against alien cyborgs?
> 1) He must have a complete cabinet appointed within 100
>days of taking office. Clinton still does not have a complete
>and confirmed cabinet.
>
CROW: Thanks to the vigilance of the District of Columbia.
> 2) He must give a state of the union address. Clinton
>simply gave an economics address.
>
MIKE: If it looks like a state of the union address, smells like a
state of the union address, and quacks like a state of the union
address...
> 3) He must be ratified by Congress. Since most (90%) of
>Congress are lawyers,
TOM: I thought it was more like 106%.
>who cannot hold office because of the 13th
>Amendment, Clinton cannot be properly ratified. The people who
>are not lawyers are
MIKE: Human beings!
>the only legal Congress. When Roy
>Schwasinger began in October, 1992, he said he was under mandate
>from Congress. If all Congress refused to recognize him, there
>is only one reason,
TOM: He didn't contribute enough to the FDR Appreciation Day fund.
>only true members of Congress gave him the
>mandate. Those who were not lawyers. There are less than 12.
>There used to be 20, some have died. Joseph Byden and Sam Nunn
>are 2 of the 12.
>
CROW: They were also both named as space aliens by the Weekly World News.
TOM: Didn't he say "less than 12" just a moment ago?
> Secretary of FDIC is dead - unexplainably.
>
MIKE: People die. It happens.
TOM: Clinton gets elected; Nixon and Zappa die. Coincidence?
> All Greenspan attempted suicide. On life support? Uncon-
>firmed.
>
CROW: How come CNN's said nothing about this?
TOM: But Crow, CNN's part of the Dominant Liberal Media Culture. Saint
Rush Himself said so, and he _is_ the Truth Detector, after all.
MIKE: That's right. He detects truth, and damn the facts. "Facts are
stupid things," in the words of that Greatest Living President,
Ronald Reagan.
> A rumor concerning the deaths of officers of the Federal
>Land Bank of Wichita was brought up. It was stated that this
>office used to have 60 people working there, but now has only 4.
CROW: Those darn cutbacks'll getcha every time.
>This was confirmed by someone who had been there. They also
>noted that the bank had a new name, did not have a new seal and
>that it was not insured by the FDIC. Someone at the office told
>them that they do not have, never had, nor ever will have any
MIKE: Connection to the Independent Commission of Inquiry on the
Invasion of Panama.
>accounts that will need to be insured by anyone.
>
> No judges are legal.
TOM: Congress isn't legal, the President isn't legal, judges aren't
legal...why don't we just declare _laws_ illegal and get it over
with?
>According to state law, judges must
>file an oath of office every 6 years. If they do not, they are
>not legal. Any oaths of office they administer are not legal
>either.
>
TOM: Does that include the oath of office they have to file?
>
> The New Bank of the United States of America, will not have
>any stockholders because there won't be any stocks to own.
CROW: All our money will be based on wishing real hard.
>They
>will only own the actual physical structure (the building) the
>bank is housed in. There will be new arbitrage like loan agree-
>
>>>> Continued to the next message...
>
MIKE: Wow, he broke off in the middle of a _word_ that time. I'm
compressed.
>--- GEcho 1.02+
> * Origin: XBN BBS - FREQ SEARCH or SEARCHNT.ZIP (114:1/0)
>
>
[SoL. Comm-sign.]
MIKE: The Luthor-Brainiac team's on the blower. [presses button] Hi, guys
-- jump _back._ Who _are_ you guys?
[D13. Shadowy shapes, like cardboard cut-outs of human silhouettes, loom
in the foreground. When one of them is speaking, it wiggles slightly in
place.]
SHADOW: We are the Spirits of Net.Legends Past. The destruction of the
false Ludwig Plutonium summoned us from our ages-long sleep.
[SoL. Mike stares skeptically at the screen.]
MIKE: Prove it, pretzel-boy.
[D13. Two shadows in the foreground, a blurry crowd of them in the BG.
The FG shadows speak, with much reverb.]
SHADOW 1: "Dear Friend. My name is Dave Rhodes."
SHADOW 2: I am a prophet sent by God to declare the destruction of the
United States because of abortion.
[SoL. Mike stares at the screen, awestruck.]
MIKE: Wow. Dave.Rhodes _and_ Michael Courtney. I _am_ impressed. --
What do you guys want?
[D13. Rhodes and Courtney.]
COURTNEY: We and our Legendary Legions have taken control of this heathen
laboratory. In the name of Jesus, I liberate you!
[SoL.]
MIKE: Great. Does that mean we don't have to read any more of this post?
CROW: Commercial sign, Mike!
MIKE: Hold that thought, guys.
[Zome people will do anything for the great tazte of ZimaBud Light -- two
great taztez that tazte great together]
[D13.]
RHODES: Unfortunately, that's beyond our power to stop. But when it ends,
we'll arrange to bring you down via the...what was it called?
[Dr. Forrester's head peeks up from behind the row of shadows in BG.]
DR.F: Umbilicus.
RHODES: Umbilicus, yes. We believe we've persuaded Dr. Forrester and his
assistant to extend its capabilities.
DR.F: Never! Never!
COURTNEY [heavy reverb]: In the name of Jesus, what does Jesus call you?
DR.F [screams]: AAAIIIEEE! Make it stop, MAKE IT STOP!
[SoL. Mike and the bots laughing fit to burst.]
CROW [Shakespearean]: For 'tis the sport to have the engineer hoist by his
own petard.
MIKE: Let's...heehee...get it together, guys. We've got two more pages to
slog through.
TOM: Bye, C-ya, wouldn't wanna B-ya!
>
>>From sn...@world.std.com Sun Jun 19 11:51:57 PDT 1994
>Article: 14952 of alt.conspiracy
>Newsgroups: alt.conspiracy
>Path: galaxy.ucr.edu!ihnp4.ucsd.edu!swrinde!howland.reston.ans.net!
+ spool.mu.edu!bloom-beacon.mit.edu!world!snet
>From: sn...@world.std.com (Ludwig Plutonium)
>Subject: Money recon 5/6
>Message-ID: <CrMA...@world.std.com>
>Organization: The World Public Access UNIX, Brookline, MA
>Date: Sat, 18 Jun 1994 23:57:17 GMT
>msgid: 114:1/0 6893068f
>Lines: 89
>
>>>> Page #5. Continued from the previous message...
>
>ments that will be hard to arrange.
TOM: Unless you know somebody, or know somebody who knows somebody, or...
>When you borrow an amount,
>another amount is set aside to liquidate that loan over a period
>of time. This is done through buying stocks that will be managed
>by that bank. The borrower will never have to pay anything.
TOM: There's never an obligation to buy, cancel any time!
>Loans at banks now are null and void because institutions were
>not properly registered, the same with credit cards.
MIKE: So _all_ that money is imaginary? Wow!
>Any loans
>made from 1933 to present are void. An announcement is to be
>made soon that we won't have to pay back any loans.>
>
CROW: And crossposted to alt.gobment.lones, just to make it official.
> There will also be an announcement about the IRS very soon.
MIKE: As soon as they get back from having their fangs sharpened.
>The IRS is a privately owned corporation to collect taxes for the
>government. (All corporations are to be made null and void.)
CROW: The annoying ads, however, will remain.
>Under Constitutional Law, only goods and services can be taxed,
>not income. It is illegal. Tax forms are voluntary. It is a
>voluntary act.
>
TOM: It's AJ Teel!
> Money will be exchanged dollar for dollar. Any money from
>overseas will go through a checkpoint. Old money with a strip in
>it can be counted when you go through sensors at the airports.
CROW: It's the Mark of the Beast! Repent! Quit your job! Slack off!
>There will be a bluish and pink tint to the new money. There was
>a show on PBS that talked about the new money information.
MIKE: And if it's on PBS, you _know_ it's the truth.
CROW: Oh right. And I suppose MYSTERY! is a documentary.
>The
>total transition period was to take 2 years, but it is moving
>faster than expected.
>
> The Judicial system is changing fast.
TOM: Yeah -- now there's _two_ women and _two_ blacks on the Big Bench.
>Janet Reno has fired
>all the U.S. attorneys.
MIKE: And then fired herself, just to make the point.
>This was documented in the Tulsa World
>Paper. All of the U.S. attorneys in every state were fired
>because they would not agree to hold accountable all the state
>elected officials for their wrong doings. New attorneys have
>been appointed.
CROW: By order of the People's Revolutionary Tribunal and the Committee
for Public Safety. Address all complaints to Cardinal Jimenez.
>Claims we submit will become indictments against
>these individuals. They will then be prosecuted by the new U.S.
>attorneys. State Attorney Generals agreed to prosecute or were
>fired. Lawyers and judges had protection knowing they would not
>be prosecuted for their action. They are personally accountable
>now since President Bush signed an order in 1992 removing their
>immunity.
>
TOM: They _do_ tend to catch more colds, however.
> You should file a claim on everything you have paid in
>income taxes whether sent in or taken from you since 1933.
>Husbands and wives can both count everything and file separately.
>
CROW: So you can file two separate deductions for the same tax shelter!
> Private contracts, such as divorces, will not be readjudi-
>cated.
>
MIKE: Custody hearings, however, will all start from a clean slate.
CROW: "No, Woody, I said _tuck_ the kids in bed!"
> White collar criminals (income tax evasion, etc., no hard
>criminals) will be released.
>
MIKE: We're setting people who've >gasp!< _embezzled_ free to steal
again? Good Lord! >choke!<
>
> Tax system - excise taxes on goods and services - government
>can't exist on excise tax - hasn't been determined what will be
>done about this.
>
MIKE: You can't _live_ without money. (Unless, of course, you're an
experimental subject, and that has its own problems.)
> The National debt does not exist and any debt to foreign
>countries is paid off. This occurred when
CROW: We proclaimed it by Executive Mandate of the Anarcho-Syndicalist
Commune!
>the military group
>confiscated
MIKE: All private assets! Property is theft!
CROW: Property is liberty!
TOM: Property is impossible!
>the foreign wealth of the Federal Reserve, the Inter-
>national Monetary Fund (IMF), the World Bank and their owners.
>The Trilateral Commission owned these institutions.
TOM: I _knew_ the Trilats would get into this _some_where.
>The foreign
>countries agreed to allow the military group to do this with the
>understanding that their national debts were paid off and that it
>would be a one time thing. Do it, get it done and don't come
>back. These foreign countries wanted these people picked up
>because they were subverting these countries economies also.
>
CROW: We Elders of Zion would have taken over the world in a big-ass
leveraged buyout, if it weren't for Those Meddling Kids And Their
Dog!
> There is no more International Debt in the U.S. and no debt
>to the Federal Reserve. In 1913, there was a contract made
>between the Federal Government and the Trilateral Commission.
TOM: I'm confused. Is the government the enemy or the good guys?
MIKE: It's The Enemy Which Must Die -- except until Our Heroes take over.
>In
>exchange for the Trilateral Commission putting one billion
>dollars into our economy to give it a boost, we would pass the
>legislation known as the Federal Reserve Act which would give
>them control over our monetary system by printing money and
>setting interest rates.
TOM: With usura seeth no man "Gonzaga, His Heirs and His Concubines."
Corpses are laid to banquet at behest of usura.
CROW: Now _that's_ what I call "Pound-ing one out".
>There as a buy-out clause in the
>contract that allowed us to pay back the billion dollars and we
>would own the Federal Reserve. We recently bought it back with
>assets that were confiscated. We made them an offer they
>couldn't refuse
MIKE [Brando voice]: I'm Don Jor-Leone. You sign the contract, or you'll
sleep with the Phantom Zoners.
CROW: And this is the guy who complains about _my_ language. Boy, Ursa
sure is a babe, though.
>and bout it back with their own money we confis-
>cated.
TOM: And now they're trying to steal back what we rightfully stole.
>Actually, it took 4 1/2 months of real legal pressure.
>It almost came to a real war, a civil war, a blood war with guns.
MIKE: As opposed to a sword fight.
CROW: There can be only one!
>There was a show of force and we won. They gave up control of
>the Federal Reserve and the Trilateral Commission backed off.
>
> There was an agreement made that we can get rid of all
>
TOM: Brain cells in Ludwig Plutonium's head. He never uses them anyway.
>>>> Continued to the next message...
>
>--- GEcho 1.02+
> * Origin: XBN BBS - FREQ SEARCH or SEARCHNT.ZIP (114:1/0)
>
>
[SoL. Mike and the Bots in conference.]
TOM: But can we trust them?
MIKE: Dave Rhodes and Michael Courtney? Probably about as far as I can
spit a rat.
[Gypsy trundles into the room.]
MIKE: Hi, Gyps. [to Tom & Crow] Well, let's go, guys.
GYPSY: Don't go, Mike! It's a trap!
MIKE: May as well give them a chance to spring it, right?
TOM: Yeah. That trick never works.
GYPSY: It will _this_ time. They don't know I'm any more than just a
tramway mechanism, and they spilled their whole plan.
MIKE [smacks his forehead]: Great. Just when I was enjoying myself, we
get saddled with a plot.
CROW: Ain't it always the way? -- What's their scheme this time, Gyps?
GYPSY: They're going to suck out your souls, take over your bodies, and
use your lifeless shells to perform the unholy rites that will
unleash Shub-Internet to rule the world.
MIKE [nods sagely]: I _thought_ it might be something like that. OK,
I'm open to suggestions.
[Commercial sign...5...4...3...2...]
[Dueling jingles: "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" vs "Hakuna Matata".]
[D13. Gypsy glides down the Umbilicus, and Mike steps out, carrying Tom
and Crow.]
MIKE: Here we are, guys. Now, I believe we had a deal?
RHODES: Yes. And here's your reward!
[OPTICAL: The Rhodes and Courtney shadows disappear, and Crow and Tom are
surrounded by crackling black auras. Mike drops the bots.]
MIKE: You >gasp< you tricked me!
CROW [possessed voice]: Yes, foolish bozo! Soon your shell will belong to
Ludwig Plutonium! And then, the reign of Shub-Internet will be
assured!
TOM [screams, possessed voice]: We must hurry, Brother Rhodes! I can't
control this devil machine!
[Suddenly, the Mads break free of the crowd of shadow guards, which
disintegrates (OPTICAL).]
DR.F: Let's see how you like the Logicator, Jesus-freak!
[He produces what looks like a Playmates phaser and fires a beam of
candy-striped energy (OPTICAL) at the bots. They are unharmed, but the
black auras start to flicker and fade.]
CROW/RHODES: He's destroying us with >gasp< logic! Fight it, Brother
Courtney!
TOM/COURTNEY: Can't -- resist! [head spins around] Your mother darns
socks in hell!
[The black auras fade away.]
FRANK: You were right, Steve. I guess logic _does_ have its uses.
DR.F: Only in moderation, though. Remember that.
MIKE: You saved our lives! How can I repay you?
DR.F: Get back up to the Satellite and watch the rest of the post.
[Mike hangs his head.]
MIKE: You sure I couldn't maybe get you a jelly-donut or something?
DR.F [points to Gypsy]: GO!
>
>>From sn...@world.std.com Sun Jun 19 11:52:05 PDT 1994
>Article: 14953 of alt.conspiracy
>Newsgroups: alt.conspiracy
>Path: galaxy.ucr.edu!ihnp4.ucsd.edu!swrinde!howland.reston.ans.net!
+ spool.mu.edu!bloom-beacon.mit.edu!world!snet
>From: sn...@world.std.com (Ludwig Plutonium)
>Subject: Money recon 6/6
TOM: Yay! The last part! Peasants sound, trumpets cheer!
>Message-ID: <CrMA...@world.std.com>
>Organization: The World Public Access UNIX, Brookline, MA
>Date: Sat, 18 Jun 1994 23:57:21 GMT
>msgid: 114:1/0 6893076a
>Lines: 59
>
>>>> Page #6. Continued from the previous message...
>
>congressmen and senators who are not legally holding office up
>there representing us. We can then elect new people in their
>places who will be legal. Then they can vote out the name of the
>Federal Reserve and replace it with the Bank of the United States
>of America.
>
TOM: And it can issue BankAmeriCards, the only legal credit card!
> When we go back to the Constitution and we are again under
>the Republic, then the Districts of Canada want to become new
>states of the United States.
>
CROW: But Quebec wants Congress to hold meetings in French.
> Only legal ownership of property is through land patents.
>Some searching will have to be done to determine who really owns
>parcels of land
CROW: Me heap big chief Crow. Earth not belong to man, man belong to
Earth. Ugh.
MIKE: "Ugh" is right, Tonto. We both hated that, right Tom?
TOM: What you mean "we", Kemo Therapy?
>and land patents will be issued and recorded.
>
> Information has been received that the following statement
>is in effect by order of the U. S. District Court in Denver,
>Colorado.
TOM [Judge Wapner voice]: Bailiff, boot these two nuts in the butt.
>Under Case Number CV-92-C-1781, that the entire Farm
>Credit System, Federal Land Bank, Production Credit Association,
>Farmers Home Administration, National Banking Association, the
>City of Ft. Collins, Colorado, and the County of Larimor, Colora-
>do are hereby placed into receivership by order of the
CROW: FCC!
>U.S.
>District Court of Denver, Colorado. Darrell Sturgess and Scott
>Hildebrand have been appointed by the court to act as receivers
>for entities mentioned above, with the authority to activate the
>National Guard to insure National Security.
CROW: National Security of what?
MIKE: The Free Kingdom of Ely-Chatelaine, or some other batch of
Patrio-Psychotic Anarcho-Materialists.
>These entities are
>hereby placed on notice that the assets of those placed in re-
>ceivership are to be turned over to the receivers Darrell Stur-
>gess and Scott Hildebrand immediately to be recorded with the
>court and to be disbursed against affidavits of damages submitted
>by the receivers.
TOM: Y'know, legal announcements can be made perfectly well in your
classifieds.
>These assets include, but are not limited to
>the assets of the agents, officers, directors, and employees of
>the above mentioned entities for civil rights violations and
>fraud which they were a part of and/or perpetrated.
>
MIKE: Did and/or committed.
> The National Banking Associations will be closed and their
>affairs would be up for
CROW: Sale to the highest bidding scandal-sheet.
>their non-compliance with the National
>Bank Act and their failure to comply with various state laws.
>
> The National Guard is hereby notified and given the authori-
>ty to assist in arresting the perpetrators of fraud as specified
>in the arrest warrants which were filed in the U.S. District
>Court of Denver, Colorado under Case Number(s) CV-92=C-1781
>because the Federal Marshals have failed to perform their sworn
>duties to uphold the Constitution of the United States of Ameri-
>ca. They are on call by Mr. Hildebrand and Mr. Sturgess at their
>direction.
>
TOM: And if _that_ doesn't work, we'll call the ATF!
> Any individual who wishes to file a claim should contact
>their state officers for specific details and procedures.
>
MIKE: A list of phone numbers to call would be nice at this point.
> Eligibility to file a claim: If you have borrowed money
>from the banking system, farm credit system, credit cards, etc.
>and can document the amounts, you are eligible to file a claim.
>
TOM: In other words, anyone in America can file a claim.
CROW: And then get thrown out on his ass when the court finds out these
people are talking through theirs.
MIKE: Do _not_ go in there! WHOO!
>--- GEcho 1.02+
> * Origin: XBN BBS - FREQ SEARCH or SEARCHNT.ZIP (114:1/0)
>
>
>
>
>
[SoL. Mike is sulking.]
CROW: What's wrong?
MIKE: That sucked. My first taste of freedom in months, and I threw it
away.
TOM: Look at it this way -- would you rather be a prisoner of the Mads, or
a free-range slave of an Elder God?
MIKE [thinks it over]: Given a choice -- I think I'd go with the Mads.
[MST-Hour set. Spiner is lying on the table, tied down like Gulliver,
with the Data dolls on his chest.]
SPINER: So say we all. Will somebody get these plastic creeps off me?
[The Mads are revealed standing over Spiner and snickering.]
DR.F: As soon as we finish pouring your personality into them.
SPINER: I think that says it all. For Mystery Science Theatre Hour, I'm
Brent Spiner. -- I wonder if this ever happened to Perkins...
--
Austin.Loomis,alo...@whale.st.usm.edu,70415...@compuserve.com,ze...@io.com
"Tenants of the house,/Thoughts of a dry brain in a dry season." (TS Eliot)
DISCLAIMER, PERSONAL: Nobody can _really_ speak for anyone but themself,
and anyone who thinks different should stop listening to Limbaugh and
start listening to Prozac.
--
COPYRIGHT STUFF TO KEEP ME OUT OF ANY LEGAL JAMS:
MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATRE 3000 and its related characters and situations are
trademarks of and (c) 1994 by Best Brains, Inc. All rights reserved.
Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment purposes
only; no infringement on the original copyrights or trademarks held by
Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be implied.
Brent Spiner is real, but I have him filling in for Jack Perkins because
I don't want to cause double takes in anybody's mindscreen when we cut
from Perkins to Nelson.
All net.legends mentioned in the sketch material are real, with only one
exception, which I'm uncertain enough about not to mention its name a
third time in this post; after all, as the Old Tory of Providence
Plantations liked to warn: "Do not, I beseech you, call up any that you
cannot again put down."