[MSTied] SAILOR MOON: Past, Present, and Future [2/9]
Tv's Weretorgo
>
> BEEP BEEP went the clock.
SERVO: Oh, I thought it was just Beaker shouting again.
> Serena opened her eyes and smiled this was one
> saturday she would not spend in bed.
CROW: *Today* she was sleeping on the sofa!
> She had a date with Darien and a scout
> meeting so instead of ignoring the clock like normal she got up.
>
> " Morning Serena" said Luna.
> " Morning, I am still really tired I mean its only 11:30
MIKE: Wow, and people are supposed to find this *funny?*
>
> " You sure are in a good mood lately, I thought you were still depressed
> about Reneey going back home." said Luna.
SERVO: [as Luna, "ad-libbing"] Because she did you know.
>
> " I was but then I realized she was my daughter so I would being having
> her soon because hey I did not look that old in the Quartz so I'm just
> going to enjoy the time I have left with muffin before we have kids" said
> Serena as she got dressed and left the room.
[All burst out laughing]
MIKE: [still laughing] Wow.
SERVO: I think she needed a "hi-KEEBA!" in that sentence.
CROW: *This* is the way to get your fanfic off to a rollicking start.
>
> "Serena, come here we want to talk to you" said her dad
MIKE: Imagine the agony he must be suffering... knowing that *this* is the
product of his toil.
>
> " Yes Dad" said Serena
CROW: [as Dad, concerned] Are you on drugs?
>
> " I'm worried your marks in school are very low and show no signs of
> improvement.
SERVO: [as Dad] Your scores in spoken essays are an all-time disgrace.
> Well your mother and I think that if you fail one more test
> that we'll have to get you a touter."said her dad
>
> " Can Darien touter me, cause that would be nice" said Serena
MIKE: The sad thing is, that's probably a logical solution in the mind of
Janice.
>
> " No dear your boyfriend is not going to be your touter but we saw an ad
> a young lady put in the paper and if you didn't pass that math test we are
> going to call her." said her mom
CROW: [Cornholio / Serena] Are you THREATENING me?
>
> " Oh well worth a try, going to me Darien now Bye" said Serena
MIKE: [as Serena, moronically] We're going to do that rubbing thing together
again.
>
> " Serena invite him to dinner next week" said her mom
SERVO: [as Mom] I want a piece of that HUNK!
>
> " Okay" said Serena a second before the door slammed.
> *********************************************************************
> Darien glanced at his watch .' she's late again 'He thought as he looked
> at the arcade door.
>
> " Hey Darien" said Andrew" what are you doing here?"
MIKE: [as Darien, abruptly] I'm not lactating! Ooops.
>
> " I'm just waiting for Serena, she's late as usual but I don't mind its
> part of her charm." replied Darien as he leaned agist the crane game.
CROW: Unfortunately, it turned out to be a real crane, it tore and mangled his
flesh like a saber-tooth tiger, then it did the same to everybody else. Good
night. [he starts to leave, but MIKE grabs him and puts him back.]
MIKE: Not so fast.
>
> " You two have been seeing a lot of each other it sounds like your
> getting serous. That's unusual for you.
SERVO: [as Andrew] I mean, with a *girl* and all.
> In fact when you told me you were dating
> Serena I was shocked. I mean used to hate her and I though you were going
> to break her heart."said Andrew
MIKE: [as Andrew] And mine too, lover.
>
> " Ya, but don't worry there is no way that I am going to hurt Serena
> ever. She is to important to me. In fact I want to tell her how I feel but
> keep putting it off." said Darien.
CROW: Because that's part of her *charm.*
>
> " Whoa, she really change your dating habits normal right before things
> heat up you bolt but this time your staying with the girl. Good move and
> you really should tell her how you feel soon I mean she has the right."
> said Andrew.
[loads of laughter]
SERVO: You know, this guy and Serena would make a great couple...
CROW: Just *imagine* the kids!
[MIKE screams in false agony]
>
> " You know this conversation reminds me of the one we had before Rita
> left."said Darien
SERVO: [as Darien] I remember every word you said... "Ohmigosh moxie can be
quite a treat to eat oh my pigs feet HI-KEEBA home is where I must be going oh
and by the way because and meaning the creation!"
> " how is the long distance thing going?"
MIKE: [as Andrew, gloating] Ten cents a minute, as usual!
>
> " Really good we are as close as ever even if we are thousands of miles
> apart"said Andrew" and something different is happening for you now a girl
> has kept your attention for more then five minutes.
CROW: [as Darien] Huh? Oh, that's just my reflection.
>
> " I can not believe I used to feel this way I mean love is one of the
> best things in the world" Said Darien.
>
> " I agree 100 percent." said Andrew
>
> *********************************************************************
MIKE: Now that's one *hell* of a conversation... *tell* me that it wasn't a
great conversation!
>
> Serena was slowly walking to the arcade looking at all the beauty she
> once never say. ' Before I became Sailor Moon I never realized what a
> beautiful city this is and how important is to protect it.
CROW: [as Serena] It's a good thing they gave me free intravenous crack cocaine.
> I'm glad that
> nobody is a threat now. I get the chance to be a normal teenager. I can
> just think about Darien and my friends and maybe about school.'she thought
SERVO: [as a narrator, monotone] In this sentence, the author gives the solemn
advice that one should "once never say," [hyper] "Before I became Sailor Moon I
never realized what a beautiful city this is and how important is to protect it.
I'm glad that nobody is a threat now. I get the chance to be a normal teenager.
I can just think about Darien and my friends and maybe about school."
>
> " Serena"shouted a voice.
CROW: [as voice] Shut up!
>
> Serena stopped her train of thought
SERVO: It took all of *two seconds...* she really had some momentum going.
> and looked back to see Molly." Hi
> Moll" she said.
>
> " So where are you headed, I'm going to see Melvin we have a study date"
MIKE: [stunned] All the girls who turned *me* down for a date... and *this*
chick is going with a guy named... *MELVIN!?*
> Said Molly.
>
> " OOOOOO, a study date, I have a date too. Me and Darien are probably
> gonna catch a movie." said Serena
CROW: [as Serena] If I show up!
>
> " Looks like we both have a good afternoon planned. I'm meeting Melvin at
MIKE: [moaning] Melvin... Melvin...
SERVO: Oh, snap out of it!
[MIKE obliges]
MIKE: Sorry.
> 1, when are you meeting Darien" asked Molly.
>
> "12:30 she said as she looked at her watch" oh my God its 12:45 I'm late
> again gotta go bye"
CROW: I thought she [mockingly] "never paid attention to clocks."
>
> "Serena will never change" said Molly.
MIKE: And that's probably for the better.
>
> Go to Part 2
> *********************************************************************
> " Serena's still not here, do ya think she stood you up" asked Andrew
>
> " Nope she just does not look at her watch until she is late she'll be
> here any minute now."Said Darien
SERVO: Which is part of her charm, you know.
>
> As he spoke Serena burst threw the door of the arcade
MIKE: --Squishing the owner, who was behind the door tying his shoe, into a
bloody mess.
> " sorry I'm late she
> said as she ran in .
>
> "Told you she would show up" said Darien
>
> "HI Muffin" said Serena as she met Darien with a Hello kiss.
> "Hi sweety" said Darien as he gave her a hello kiss.
>
> "Come on we better hurry or we'll miss the movie"said Serena as they left.
CROW: [as Serena, "ad-lib"] Because we are going to one, of course.
>
> " Like we're gonna watch it " whispers Darien then he waved to Andrew.
SERVO: [as Darien] We're going to just hang out in the concession stand!
> *************************************************************
>
> "That was a real good movie Darien" said Serena" thanks for holding me
> during the scary parts.
CROW: [as Serena] Since even though I am a Sailor Princess, I still need a man's
support during that horrible forest fire scene.
>
> " Anytime Serena,anytime.Come on lets get you to your meeting. Why are
> you having them now anyway. I mean we have no threat."said Darien.
MIKE: Clumsy foreshadowing. Your key to a crusty fanfic.
>
> "The cats think we should be ready at a moments notice id someone does.
CROW: Have I accidently consumed ten gallons of pure dish soap, or is that just
a very silly sentence?
MIKE: Yep and yep.
> Every enemy we fight seems to get stronger and stronger and they want us
> safe"said Serena.
>
> They then walked in silence to the temple." Hey Serena ,you know when we
> have meetings we expect you to show up on time" said Raye
SERVO: [as Serena, shocked] You DO!? And here I thought I was being EARLY.
>
> " Don't be so hard on her Raye it was might fault she was late. The movie
> we saw ran over." said Darien"well I have to go to wok bye"and with that he
> kissed Serena and Left.
CROW: Then Left socked him in the mouth.
>
> "Isn't love great" said Serena.
MIKE: [as Serena] It'd be even better if I felt it.
>
> " Anyway lets get down to business" said Amy" I was reading in the paper
> that a lot of women have be murdered lately in town.
>
> " Any thing in common with them"asked Mina
SERVO: [as Amy] They all seem to have dated a fellow named Darien.
>
> " Only two small holes in their necks all their blood was drained. In
> other words they all bleed to death" replied Amy.
CROW: Now, come on, in order to give your child *this* much prenatal brain
damage you have to be *trying!* [whispering] Vampire!
>
> " But the nega-verse and any other enemy we fought was only interested in
> energy not killing people,at least not on purpose"said Lita.
MIKE: [coughing] Vampire!
>
> "Ya and the Sailor Scouts do not solve murder cases. Its probably some
> wacko the police will catch any day
CROW: [coughing] Vampire!
> now so why worry about that I'm more
> interested in my Muffin"said Serena.
SERVO: [coughing] Vampire!
>
> " She has a good point the girls are not going to go and try and clean up
ALL: [in song] Vam-m-m, PYRE!
> every bit of crime and besides where they all have things in common it
> should be an open and shut case" said Raye
MIKE: I'd like you to meet Raye. Raye is what we call "incredibly brain
damaged."
>
> "Alright but if this case gets any worse we're involved okay" said Amy.
>
> " Okay and I have to say something more important. My parents want me to
> get a toter. Can you believe it"said Serena.
CROW: [as Amy] Oh, man, *talk* about importance! Serial killer, move outta the
way.
>
> "Extra study couldn't' t hurt Serena"said Artemis
>
> "You guys are never on my side I'm going home goodbye.
SERVO: [as Serena] You all shall be the first against the wall.
> Oh and I'll eat
> lunch with you and Amy tomorrow okay Lite bye " said Serena
>
> " She'll never change" said Luna.
MIKE: [as Luna] Dumber than the rest of us.
>
> *********************************************************************
> The next day Serena was late for school so when Ms. Haruna called her up
> to the desk she thought 'oh great another detention just what I need'
>
> "Serena, I corrected your math test and well you did really bad a 24 to
> be exact that's even bad for you" said Ms. H
CROW: You know, Ms. Haruna would make a good English teacher, given our current
state of education.
>
> "I've been real busy I'll do better next time." wined Serena
>
> "Its not just math your failing just about all subjects that involve study.
> You real need to get a touter" said Ms. H
>
> "Don't worry my parents told me if I failed one more test that they were
> going to get one,but it won't do any good I'm not smart"
MIKE: Understatement of the year? Prob'ly.
>
> " Don't say that. Study can help any one you just need to learn how to
> study right.
SERVO: [as Ms. H.] I heard your boyfriend already studied Left.
> I'm going to call your mom Serena. I have someone who sent an
> application in and she will be a very good toter for you. If your mom
> agrees I'll call her and set an interview date. Now you just try okay?"
> said Ms H
>
> Serena nodded and went back to her desk mumbling something about study
> stank.
CROW: Study Stank. The Japanese equivilant of Study Hall.
> Go to part 3
> *****************************************************************
[they get up and leave]
[1...2...3...4...5...6... SOL]
[CROW and SERVO are in the center of the screen, sitting in a big, yellow
bulldozer. They're attired in typical bulldozing driving costumes.]
CROW: [in southern accent] Hurry up, Sarvo. We need to finish this dang-blasted
job before---
[MIKE enters from offscreen]
CROW: GAGGH!
[pause. MIKE doesn't immediately realize the, err, difference.]
MIKE: Hey guys, what's happening?
SERVO: [southern] Weall, Mahk, see, we wuz jus' tryin' t' wrassle us up some--
MIKE: Servo, why are you speaking in a southern... [he processes the bulldozer.
Jaw drops. CROW laughs nervously.]
CROW: [normal accent, nervous.] Well, Mike, I guess I'll just level with you.
Servo and I, being robots, decided to try a little experiment with todays cruddy
fanfic. So, we, err, rented a bulldozer - with your charge card, of course -
[MIKE nods, his face a mask of false joy] to see if we could drive through the
plotholes in todays, heh, cruddy fanfic.
MIKE: Well. I'm not getting involved. Have fun. I'll just sit in the theater.
[exeunt]
CROW: [to SERVO] Well, I guess that's the go-ahead.
[SERVO fires up the bulldozer and they begin to move around. Suddenly MIKE
rushes in, worried sick.]
MIKE: WAIT! I just realized... this fanfic has NO plot as of yet!
CROW: [over the din of the 'dozer] WHAT?
MIKE: I SAID THERE'S NO PLOT!
CROW: HUH!?
SERVO: [to CROW] Oh, crap, hang on!
[the bulldozer suddenly goes into the screen and stalls. SERVO is ejected below
camera.]
MIKE: *THERE IS NO PLOT IN THIS MESS!*
CROW: You don't have to scream, Nelson. [suddenly, to camera] By the way, if
Nick K. is reading this, I'd like to congratulate him on being STUPID enough to
tape over all of his old Mystery Science Theater 3000 episodes.
MIKE: What in the Sam Hill!? [suddenly to camera] Speaking of which, Samuel
Adams, you left your lights on in the parking lot.
[SERVO rises up]
SERVO: Well, I'm afraid to say that *because* we weren't warned about the lack
of plot, I accidently plowed through...
MIKE: The fourth wall of the Satellite.
SERVO: Roger. [camera] Speaking of Roger, Gabe has a very hairy ass.
MIKE: Oh, wonderful! [trying to resist] I CAN'T HELP IT! [camera] MICHAEL
NEYLON, THE WEBSITES' NEW DESIGN IS TOO FLASHY FOR ME!
CROW: GAGGH! [camera] MANLY STANLEY! MANLY STANLEY!
[GYPSY enters from left]
GYPSY: Yes, I know, I'm working on the stupid wall! [camera] And, WereTorgo, you
should get off your fat behind and start being *funny!* [exeunt]
SERVO: [camera] M. Sampo, Lord of the MST3k Prance!
CROW: [camera] Where are you, Joel Hodgson, creator of this fine show!?
MIKE: [camera] Adam Cadre!
[The following goes over the moon.]
CROW: Brian Dubic and John Ford!
SERVO: ATMM, read and review!
MIKE: I need my dose of RATMM!
[commercials.]