MSTied: LOCKED OUT OF USENET NEWSGROUPS
Dave Van Domelen
[SOL interior. Crow and Tom are hunched over two terminals, reading
newsgroups. Sound of shower coming from offscreen.]
Crow: Hey! Look what I found!
Tom: <drifts over> Wow! Quick, capture it to a file before the Mads can...
er, retromoderate it!
Mike: <enters wearing towel, much to the delight of female viewers and some
male viewers> Hey, guys...what's the excitement? Mads lose their email
link?
Crow: No, but it's almost as good...just saving it to a floppy....
[Pac-Man 'death sound' comes from computer]
Tom: And just in time! The Mads got it with a forged cancel.
Crow: HeeHEE! We got it, we got it! And just in time for Spring Break!
Mike: What *is* 'it'?
Tom: Oh, rare is the day that a net.goon, er, loon suffers even a minor setback
to their plans of posting screeds all over the net.
Crow: I still fondly remember when McElweenie lost his account. Such a warm
fuzzy it brings me.
Mike: So who got nailed this time? John_-_Winston? Ludwig Plutonium?
Tom: Sadly, no. Not someone we've had to suffer through at the hands of the
Mads, but a legendary nutcase in his own right. Dan Gannon, renegade
historical revisionist and builder of straw men, got his access limited
to groups that are at least within a few stone's throws of related to
his pet screed...<pause>
Crow&Tom: There were two Holocausts and neither really happened!
Crow: This guy is to Jews what Serdar Argic is to Armenians.
Tom: Well, he doesn't actually claim the Jews tried genocide on the Nazis,
which makes him slightly saner than Argic.
Mike: Are you sure it's wise to tempt S*rd*r's evil Z*mabot like this?
Crow: That pile of disconnected RAMchips? Feh.
Tom: Anyway, Mike, let's read this together...it'll do you a power of good.
Mike: Should we go into the theater?
Crow: Nah, let's stay out here.
Tom: Queuing up post....
>Article 1528 of alt.illuminati:
>Newsgroups: alt.illuminati
>Path: magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu!math.ohio-state.edu!howland.reston.ans.net
>!wupost!csus.edu!netcom.com!netcomsv!banished!dgannon
>From: dga...@banished.com
Crow: <KTLA-type voice> Banished from the face of the net!
>Subject: LOCKED OUT OF USENET NEWSGROUPS
Tom: <Minnesotan lady voice> Oh, just use a coathanger to get back in.
Crow: <MLV> Yah, I put one of those magnetic key holders under my car in case
I do that. They're so useful!
>Message-ID: <940310224...@banished.com>
>Organization: Banished CPU - (503) 232-6566
>X-Mailer: TBBS/PIMP v2.41
>Distribution: world
Mike: Like the world cares.
>Date: Thu, 10 Mar 94 22:43:39
>Lines: 132
>
>
> Administrators at Netcom have told me I cannot post any more messages
>about Holocaust Revisionism to any newsgroups except certain newsgroups that
>they have specified.
Crow: Like groups at least tangentially related to the Holocaust?
> I have no choice but to comply.
Tom: Nah, you could always storm off the net in protest and never come back.
Mike: Please.
>
> Ken McVay and other "Holocaust activists" have been conducting a public
>campaign to encourage people to complain to Netcom about my posts, in a
>desperate attempt to censor me.
Mike: I think you should have posted to alt.conspiracy instead.
Crow: Oh, I'm sure he did.
> As a result, Netcom received numerous
>complaints.
Tom: The complaints, of course, have nothing to do with your habit of posting
antisemitic screeds across the width and breadth of USEnet.
Crow: Nah, if it weren't for those nasty pro-Holocaust nuts, no one would have
even noticed!
>
> There is a lobby which opposes any critical examination or questioning
>of the "Holocaust story" or of Israeli policy.
Mike: Well, applying deconstructionism to that policy yields the usual
results....
Crow: In other words, that nothing means anything?
Mike: Um, yeah.
> Complaints from them are to
>be expected, especially when they think they have something to gain by
>complaining.
Crow: Yeah, like your butt in a sling!
> After they heard that complaints to Netcom were getting them
>somewhere, it greatly encouraged them and they began a public campaign to
>send complaints to Netcom about my posts. They boasted of their previous
>"successes", encouraging the sending of ever more complaints.
Tom: Ever stop to think that if people didn't mind what you're doing, they
wouldn't complain even if cajoled?
Mike: C'mon...he expects people to swallow *his* stuff...he must think the
general populace is made up of mindless sheep who'll do anything an
authority figure tells them to.
Crow: Well, they are....
>
> Numerous untrue complaints were sent.
Mike: So, people who didn't really have a complaint complained?
Tom: Huh?
> For example: I have never
>posted to <alt.config> or certain <sci> groups that I have been accused of
>posting to. Vulgar forgeries have also been repeatedly posted in my name.
Tom: <uppercrust accent> Pish! Such a gauche forgery!
Mike: Maybe this post is a forgery, sent by the Mads to give us a false
sense of hope.
Tom&Crow: <shudder>
>The campaign of vicious slander against me (both public and private) has
>been constant and most deliberate.
Crow: Is slander spoken or written? Is libel the term he wants?
Tom: Doesn't matter...either one has to be public. Private Slander is a
contradiction in terms.
Mike: <Drill Instructor> Private Slander, what was that you said?!
>
> Highly controversial issues are always like this, especially when
>ENORMOUS sums of money are involved (the billions of dollars per year Israel
>receives from U.S. taxpayers, for example).
Tom: No no no...that's not how you say it. Crow, if you will?
Crow: Highly controver$ial i$$ue$ are always like this, especially when
ENORMOUS $um$ of CA$H are involved (the billions of $$$$ per year sent
to the ZIONI$T Conspiracy at the expen$e of U$ taxpayers).
Mike: Was that McElwainy?
Tom: Sadly, ye$.
> That money alone creates
>TREMENDOUS pressure
Mike: Behind your eyes and it hurts and stuff.
Tom: So use ANVIL! One ANVIL is as powerful as two large lumps of lead!
> and a VERY powerful lobby, as you can imagine. Not to
>mention the incomparable power of the Jewish-controlled mass media. (For
>proof of the Jewish control of the mass media, see Banished CPU's FTP Mail
>Server!)
Crow: Yeah, Ted Turner's *so* Jewish.
>
> As a Libertarian economics professor of mine once explained, such
>"entitlement programs" are ALWAYS abused and inevitably create
>uncontrollable corruption.
Mike: Welfare corrupts. Social Security...
Crow: Along with the AARP...
Mike: Corrupts absolutely.
>
> In fact, the Israeli lobby (a.k.a. the Holocaust lobby) has long been
>the MOST FEARED LOBBY ON CAPITOL HILL,
Tom: Nope, they're a distant runner up to the likes of the AARP (They're the
only ones who vote)...
Crow: The Tobacco Lobby (a.k.a. The Cigarettes Cause No Harm lobby)....
Mike: The NRA...well, not lately, but they used to be scarier.
Crow: The powerful pro-cocaine-cartel lobby....
Tom&Mike: Huh?
> and their PACs (Political Action
>Committees) spend more money per year bribing American politicians than
Mike: The anti-Holocaust lobby, obviously.
> ANY
>OTHER LOBBY, including the AMERICAN labor unions! The Israeli lobby is not
>even an American lobby.
Tom: Not to let a piddling thing like the humongous Jewish population of
the U.S. interfere with his logic, is he? I get the impression that they
believe in the Holocaust just as strongly as the ones outside the
country....
Mike: Not to mention that the Israel Lobby generally has alot more on their
plate than trying to support Holocaust stories...like getting more
weapons to use on their neighbors and stuff like that.
>
> A book by ex-Congressman Paul Findley entitled _They Dare to Speak Out_
>documents all this very well, and from numerous primary sources.
Mike: Fine. Name a primary source here, or are ya chicken?
Crow: Bock bock!
> So does
>_Stealth PACs_
Tom: Coated in a special radar-absorbing material, these Stealth PACs swoop
down under cover of night and secretly make their concerns known to
prominent politicians.
Crow: Then they drop their bombs! Boom! Pow!
Mike: Down, Crow.
> by Richard H. Curtiss. Both books are available from
>American Educational Trust: 1-800-368-5788 toll-free. (If you call, ask
>for a free sample copy of _The Washington Report on Middle East Affairs_.)
>The American Educational Trust and _The Washington Report_ was founded by
>and is run by veterans of the U.S. military, U.S. intelligence agencies and
>U.S. political offices.
Crow: You mean, the same people who ran Paladin Press?
Mike: Huh? What's that?
Tom: Just an outfit that tried to circumvent the Freedom of Information Act
by setting up a dummy company to buy the rights to print Army manuals
and other stuff, then destroyed the originals and flooded the market with
slightly altered but bogus versions, like the ever-popular "How To Kill".
Crow: Which if you follow all the directions, the only person you'll kill is
yourself.
Mike: That does it, I'm supervising your reading list from now on.
Crow: Sigh. The *point* is, veterans of the U.S. government aren't necessarily
interested in printing the truth...rather something like the truth that
will advance their personal political agenda.
Tom: Please excuse Crow, he's been grepping alt.conspiracy lately.
>
>
>Following are the ONLY newsgroups Netcom says I am still allowed to post to:
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>alt.revisionism
Mike: Okay, makes sense.
>talk.politics.misc
>soc.culture.german
>soc.culture.jewish
Crow: Is that a good idea?
>soc.rights.human
>alt.discrimination
>alt.conspiracy
>alt.illuminati
>alt.individualism
>alt.mindcontrol
>alt.politics.correct
>alt.politics.reform
>alt.censorship
Tom: Whew...no alt.*.mst3k.
>
>
>Newsgroups I am NOT allowed to post to any longer INCLUDE the following:
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>soc.history
>soc.history.moderated
>talk.politics.mideast
>alt.activism
>alt.society.civil-liberties
>alt.society.civil-liberty
>sci.skeptic
Mike: Well, I'm a little skeptical about that....
>soc.culture.europe
>soc.culture.austria
>soc.culture.polish
>soc.culture.soviet
>soc.culture.usa
Tom: USA has culture?
>soc.politics
>soc.veterans
>soc.answers
>alt.society.civil-disob
Crow: Banning someone from a civil disobedience group strikes me as the
height of irony.
Tom: Willow struck you as the height of irony.
Crow: Hey, I liked Willow!
>alt.society.revolution
>alt.society.etrnl.vigilanc
Mike: alt.spllng.wtht.vwls.
>alt.politics.usa.misc
>alt.politics.libertarian
>alt.politics.reform
>alt.politics.media
>alt.cabal
Crow: Geez, it was a fun video game and all, but does it rate its own
newsgroup?
>alt.journalism.criticism
>alt.extropians.forbidden.topics
>alt.flame.dan.gannon.nazi.scum [Note: I am NOT a Nazi!!!]
Crow: If it walks like a duck....
Tom: Or in this case, steps like a goose....
Tom&Crow: <giggle>
Mike: Actually, he's hiding behind the literal definition. Sure, he's not
a member of the National Socialist Party. But the more modern colloquial
meaning of Nazi includes all fascist antisemite dickweeds.
Tom: And he *is* one of those.
>alt.society.resistance
Crow: alt.society.resistance is futile. You will be assimilated into
alt.borg.
>--- And EVERY OTHER NEWSGROUP as well! ---
ALL: <General whooping and yays>
>
>
> I just wanted to let everyone know a little about what's going on here.
>If you would like to protest or comment about this situation to Netcom, send
>mail to: sup...@netcom.com
Tom: Or if you want to congratulate them on a job well done and point them at
a few more nutbars that need slapping down, mail 'em too!
>
>
>Thanks,
Mike: You're welcome.
>
>-Dan Gannon
>------
>"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2 + 2 = 4. Once that is granted, all
>else follows." --George Orwell, _1984_
>
Tom: Unfortunately, Dan here keeps getting 2 + 2 = 63.
>
> Banished CPU supports Freedom of Speech!
Crow: So long as you don't try to pretend all those Jews died during
WWII, that is.
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>
Mike: No 300baud LAM3OZ Alow3dd! Gimme yer W/\R3ZZZ and 1'Ll give ya
all sortz uv IMPORTANT INFORMATION!
Tom: Make thirty copies and send them all to Ludwig Plutonium.
Crow: UNaltered REPRODUCTION and DISSEMINATION of this IMPORTANT INFORMATION
is ENCOURaged.
Tom: But not recommended.
Mike: Wow, that felt good. Uh oh...Bharnee and Baby Frank are calling.
<hits button>
[Deep 13]
Dr.F: Nice towel, blondie. I don't know how that one slipped past, but I'll
have to make sure the next post damps down the good vibrations from this
one. I think I saw the rough drafts of Enterprized somewhere around
here....
Frank: That's right...what you saw was the end product of painstaking editing
and revision on Ratliff's part!
Dr.F: Enjoy your little victory while you still have eyes to see it with...
you'll be plucking them out with a spork when you see our next post!
Push the button, Frank.
[Frank is looking at the Banished FTP info]
Frank: Wow, did you know over six million Jews didn't die during WWI?
Dr.F: Frank, unless you want to take their places, push the button!
Frank: Eep. Yes, your evilness. <pushes button>
->|<-
Disclaimer: No infringement of BBI's copyrights, trademarks or basic human
right intended by this post. However, this post was meant to belittle and
scoff at Dan Gannon and his abject looniness. He can bite me.
Dave Van Domelen, "It was the Jews who used the BIG LIE!" - Dan Gannon, in
another post, quote as close as I can remember it....