[MSTing] Blood and Metal (Part 5b of 9)

[Shay_...@letterbox.com]

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"Blood and Metal", by David Gonterman
MSTing by Shay Caron (Shay_...@letterbox.com)
Part 5b of 9

>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> The hedgehog, with two-tailed fox in tow, made a beeline

MIKE: Come on, Sonic, get buzy!
TOM: [ snicker ]

> for Uncle
> Chuck's hidden base, blowing past any bot unfortunate enough to be in

CROW: This fanfic.

> between them and their destination.
> Sonic did a bird call, which was answered.

TOM: With a bird poop.
MIKE: Ew!

> A ramp opened up from a pile of refuse.

MIKE: Double ew!

> Sonic spoke into an intercom, "I made it to Uncle Chuck's. Go to Act
> Three," and sped inside.
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> The ladies got Sonic's message as they were surrounded by Swats, they
> locked their weapons and prepared to fire.

TOM: Was that a run on sentence, I think it was.
MIKE: It just needed a conjunction, it was missing an "and".

> "Time for a Bunnie Hop, Sally Girl." Bunnie picked up the Princess as
> her 'robot' legs expand.
> One hop and hydraulic jacks

CROW: Apple Hydraulic Jacks.
TOM: We hop what we like!

> propelled the two a quarter mile straight
> up and several city blocks ahead.
> The Swats opened fire on empty air, taking themselves out instead.

ALL: Wah-wah-waaaahhh...

>
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> "CROCKETT MOVING ON HOVERBIKE AT 450 KM/HOUR HEADING. . .OH, NO. .
> .HE'S TAKING DETONATION BOULEVARD!"

CROW: Sounds painful. Go for it!

> Detonation Boulevard was originaly just an ordinary street on
> Mobotroplis before the coup.

TOM: Groin coup?

> Robotnik riddled the place with traps, mines,
> and enough automated weaponry to turn it into a death trap for living
> Mobians.

CROW: OK, *definitely* go for it!

> It would have been advoided if Davey knew any better and is he
> hasn't been called in by Sonic at that time.

TOM: Wha-a-at?!
MIKE: Now the proofreader is praying for his or her life.
CROW: So am I.

> "I LOVE THIS GAME!!!" Davey shouted as he gunned his bike past Mobius'
> answer to Purgatory

ALL: [ singing ] Oh, Purgatory, here we co-o-ome!

> at 625 km/hour with hellfire and brimstone

TOM: Double, double, toil and trouble.
CROW: Fire burn and cauldron bubble.

> nipping at

MIKE: Their noses.
TOM: [ Davey ] Oh, hi, Jack Frost.

> the afterburner. Antoine screamed in terror. Davey screamed in delight.

CROW: Yet another thing I did *not* need to know about Davey-boy here.

> Just as the billowing flame was about to envelop the two, Davey turned at a
> right angle into a relatively safer street

CROW: As in "there's only *7* nuclear bombs hidden on *this* street".

> as the rest of Detonation
> Boulevard went the way of the

MIKE: Tiger?

> Waco Branch Davidian Inferno.

TOM: Oh *please*.

> "YEEEEE
> HAAAAAA! WHAT A RUSH!!!"

MIKE: Limbaugh.

> Davey held his arms in victory as Bunnie and
> Sally landed on the nose section.

TOM: SPLAT!

> "I can't believe you did that, Crockett! Not even Sonic will go near
> that Street of Death!"

CROW: [ Sally ] You see, Sonic has a brain.

> "Nor can anyone else or a while."

MIKE: Even though those whiles will just be dying to be on that street.

> Davey looked back past a fainted
> Antoine

TOM: [ Davey ] Hey, Ant, wake up. Oh... you didn't make it. Sorry 'bout that.
My mistake.

> at 20 blocks of burning city.

CROW: And 15 blocks of flaming cabbage.
MIKE: [ beating his hands on his chest, sounding like a helicopter ] This is
Mike "Get Me Out Of Here" Nelson with your Traffic Report. Today, Davey
Crockett, the crazy fox, exploded a street in downtown Robotropolis. It
is advised that you steer clear of this stretch until the swelling goes
down and the large chunks of pavement fall back to Mobius.
BOTS: [ cheer ]
MIKE: Ow. Now my chest is sore and my hands are tired.

>

CROW: Let's get out of here.
PEARL: [ off screen ] One more page, guys.
CROW: Damn.

> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
> Page 13
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------

MIKE: Oh, pass. There's nothing that rhymes with "thirteen".

>
> "So, you're Davey Crockett, huh?" Charles Hedgehog,

TOM: Charles, Charlie, Charlibus.

> roboticized

CROW: Pancake.

> creator of the

MIKE: Automatic Toothbrush Freshener!

> Roboticizer and Sonic's uncle, said as he approached. "I've

CROW: [ Charles ] Let one.

> been hearing a lot about you since you've crashed landed on the feet of my
> nephew."

TOM: Smashing them to a bloody pulp.

> His red-on-black eyes looked him up and down for a moment. "Y'now,

MIKE: That's what we keep saying! Why now?

> sonny, right now, as a fox,

TOM: You need to get out more.
MIKE: True, but I don't think that's the point Charlie's trying to make.

> you don't look as much like Robotnik as you did
> when you just showed up here. . .

CROW: [ Charles ] It was a good idea to shave off that 2-foot orange mustache.

> You don't look so psychotic, either."
> "Oh, don't mind that, Chuck," Sonic injected.

TOM: [ Sonic ] It's time for your relaxing medicine, Chuck.

> "Davey's 'Psycho Streak'

CROW: So when Davey goes crazy he runs around nude?
MIKE: Crow! Yuck!!

> is purely hype. I started it to put fear into Snerdly and Packbald.

CROW: Sounds like a law firm.
TOM: Or a rock band.
CROW: No, more like heavy metal.
MIKE: Live, on this very stage, it's Smurky and the Bigzits!
BOTS: [ crowd cheering noises ]

> Besides, he only shows it when he trashes bots."

ALL: Booooo!

> "Ahem!" Sonic blushes,

CROW: Turning red, which with his blue, makes him purple.
MIKE: Davey mistakenly takes this expression to mean Sonic is choking and
hilarity ensues!

> "Oh, sorry, Unc."
> "Yeah, Charles.

MIKE: In Charge.

> Back home, This big guy's one of the nicest people
> you'll know. Even Sonia warms up to him. You ask me, I think

CROW: Really? I never would have guessed.
MIKE: He's not done talking.

> this mean
> streak of his is just an act."

TOM: Not a very good act, but an act nonetheless.

> "You want to analyz ze complex human perzonalitee, my preencezz?

CROW: [ Ren Hoek ] You EEdiot!

> I do
> not theenk you want to zign up for ze dirty job."

CROW: I'll do it. He's nuts. There, I'm done.
TOM: Where's the dirty part?
CROW: That'll be if I ever get to St. Louis with a mud launching catapult.

> "Besides, look what he brought with him."

MIKE: A new car!!

> Bunnie turns around an
> imaginary catwalk,

TOM: Just like that imaginary stein?
MIKE: 'Scuse me?
TOM: In "Rangers of NIMH II". Two charactes "finished off" imaginary steins.
MIKE: Oh. Ew.
CROW: This is one case where perfect robotic memory is a *dis*advantage.

> proudly showing off her new body,

ALL: Nooooo!!

> with the limbs in flesh
> mode. Charles did a double take.

BOTS: [ Charles ] Ewwwww!

> "Whatta ya think, Charles?

MIKE: [ Charles ] It *stinks*!

> Is it an
> upgrade or the cure?

TOM: Or a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle?

> Depends on who ya ask, if ya ast me?"

ALL: Whuh?!
MIKE: OK, now the proofreader is done praying for his or her life and has
started praying for cyanide.

> "We've come here to give you Davey's special treatment, Uncle Chuck.
> It's the sure cure for what ails the roboticized."

TOM: I suggest getting used to the fact that you're a robot.
CROW: Yeah! Being a robot is great! You can reconstruct yourself any way you
like...
TOM: You can install laser death missiles in your armpits...
CROW: You can play Doom II in your head while you're at a boring funeral...
MIKE: Of course, you have to balance that with the fact that anyone who has a
remote control or an off switch effectively controls you.
CROW: Hm.
TOM: I guess.

> "Is . . . is it really?"

MIKE: [ Davey ] No, it's not. I just like getting your hopes up and then
dashing them to the ground! Bwah hahahahaha!!

> "Only if you want it to be, Sir."
> "Please, Davey, call me Charles. 'Chuck' if you must.

TOM: --elid.
CROW: So that's where the horrible stench is coming from.

> <Turns to

MIKE: The proofreader, begging for help, but he/she says, "No way, I'm moving
to a place where Sonic the Hedgehog is banned."
CROW: Is there a place like that?
MIKE: I certainly hope so.

> others> I'd love to get this treatment, folks, but

TOM: [ Charles, whiny ] I don't wanna be cured!
CROW: He just said he *did*.
TOM: I didn't mess up your mustache joke.

> we've got work to do.
> I'll get this along the way. Please."

CROW: [ Charles ] Bite me.

> Everybody sat down, even Tails, who just came in slowly. Everybody
> notices.

TOM: Except Sonic, and Sally, and also Davey, and Charles doesn't notice
either, and Rotor, and Bunnie, and Antoine, and, well, I guess even
Tails wasn't paying attention, or else he wouldn't have walked into that
column there.
MIKE: Maybe that's why he came in slowly.

> "Sonic," Davey whispers, "Tails looks a little down." "Yo, rocket
> scientist. Is it full time of part time?"

MIKE: [ laughing ] What?!
CROW: Full time of part time? Sheesh!

> "As you know, Princess, we've got two mysteries to solve. The first of
> which is

TOM: Why does this fanfic even EXIST?!

> Robotnik coming back so soon. I've figured that someone that evil

MIKE: Would write a fanfic just like this one.

> would not allow an exploding Roboticizer #1 to do him in."

CROW: Now an exploding Roboticizer #2, that's another story.

> "Yeah, I wonder what supernatural place he was in, and how he came
> back?"

TOM: Plot Contrivance Theater screws up plans again.
MIKE: Well, you know the saying about best-laid plans.
CROW: [ Beavis ] Laid? Heh-heh-heh...
MIKE: Don't you start again.

> "Well, Heaven wouldn't take him.

CROW: Dave knows this sort of thing from experience.

> Maybe Hell got terrified of him
> taking over. So, they sent him back!"

CROW: Yeah, they sent him to a *real* Hell!

> Everybody laughs.

MIKE: Crow's joke wasn't that funny.
CROW: Yes it was.

> "Good one, Dave."

TOM: It's been done.

> "We've also got this mystery about

MIKE: Why Sonic the Hedgehog? Why why why *why* WHY Sonic the Hedgehog
already?!

> this silverily

CROW: Huh? Is Dave trying to turn that into an adverb?
TOM: Oh, I know! It's "silver lily"!
MIKE: Wow. What a beautiful flower.

> goo

MIKE: Hm. Goo doesn't make a very pretty flower.

> that Packbell's
> been dumping

CROW: Eeewwww!!
MIKE: Oh, too bad. Packbell broke up with his *goo*friend! [ laughing ]

> as of late. I didn't raise a fuss

TOM: [ Charles ] Even though I knew *exactly* where the four robots were the
minute I came in!

> because the Great Jungle

CROW: [ Charles ] Told me not to worry.

> that accursed android was dumping it in was eating it and growing.

TOM: [ Great Jungle ] Mmm boy, that's good goo!

> However,
> the two happened to begin at the same time. It leads me to believe that
> they might be related."

MIKE: Twin brother and sister?
TOM: Married?
CROW: Twin brother and sister and married?
TOM: Ew!

> "What do you mean Zir Charlez?"

MIKE: Zo zay you're at a bar, and zurprizingly there'z no beer.
BOTS: Aaaaaaaaahhh!!!

> "Don't know yet, Antoine. That's why I called for this two-week
> investigation.

CROW: [ Charles ] We're going to find out whether or not Bill Clinton is
guilty once and for all!

> Sonic, Tails, Antoine, and Sally can dress up in these

TOM: Beautiful purple bridesmaid dresses. Except Sally.
MIKE: What about Sally?
TOM: She gets a Barney T-shirt.
MIKE, CROW: Aaaaahhh!!

> Worker Bot costumes and follow Packbell like a hawk,

ALL: Lutherain! [ burst into laughter ]

> to find out what's his
> game is.

MIKE: Monopoly.
TOM: Magic: the Gathering.
CROW: Chess.
MIKE: Hearts.
TOM: Solitaire, probably.
CROW: Good one!

> Davey, you're with me. We can both jack into cyberspace.

TOM: [ Charles ] We'll E-mail your fanfics to Robotnik, and when his brain
turns to mush, we'll rush in...

> From
> there the two of us can find out all we need to know about Robotnik."

MIKE: But Were Afraid to Ask.

> "Will do, Chuck."

CROW: [ Davey ] Roger Wilcox.

>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> "Y'know, Sonny,"

TOM: [ Charles ] You can look like a vampire by sticking straws in your upper
lip!

> Charles told Davey as they went down a corridor,

CROW: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!! Hallways!! Hundreds and hundreds of hallways!!
MIKE: Wha?
TOM: Remember Detective?
MIKE: Ah.

> "ever
> since I got my mind back,

BOTS: [ snort ]
MIKE: Shall we pass on this one?
CROW: Let's shall.

> I've been asking myself why in heaven's name did I

CROW: [ Charles ] Ever allow fanfics to be created?!

> make that Roboticizer, since It's been giving us all this pain and

TOM: Philly cheese steaks.

> suffering. But then you showed up, with a replacement limb. This <Chuck

CROW: Bites Davey.
MIKE: Bit too literal there, eh, Chucky?

> points to that arm> is a classic example of

TOM: Pre-post-neo-Fontaine masterpiece architecture.
MIKE: Did that mean anything at all?
TOM: Not a speck of meaning whatsoever.
CROW: Kinda like this fanfic, wordy but unimportant.

> why I've built that thing in the
> first place: To mend people, to make them whole again,

MIKE: Except for the hole in your chest where we insert the battery.

> not to send my
> people into slavery."

TOM: Hey, I get it now! These robots are actually a parallel to the situation
before the Civil War!
CROW: No, robots are just cool.

> "Then blame Robotnik, who uses the machine for evil, not the machine
> itself.

CROW: Robotnik uses the machine for evil, but he doesn't use the machine
itself?
MIKE: No, Robotnik uses the machine for evil, but the machine doesn't use the
machine for evil.
CROW: That didn't help much.
MIKE: Anything else I can clear up?

> You designed the Roboticizer to be a source of good when used

MIKE: Before Labor Day.

> properly. You never knew it would fall into the wrong hands one day. I

TOM: [ Davey ] Hate you! I hate you! I HATEYOUHATEYOUHATEYOU!!
MIKE: Calm down, Tom.

> only hope that you Mobians remember that and not trash your life's work down
> the drain."

ALL: [ toilet flushing noises ]

> "Oh, with this new upgrade King Acorn sent with you, rest assured.

CROW: [ Davey ] Okay! Snozzz... snore...

> We're here."

MIKE: [ Charles ] You can talk to Santa Claus now.

> Uncle Chuck

CROW: So is he "Charles" or "Chuck"?
TOM: Depends on the author's whim.

> led Davey into a small room with a mainframe

CROW: Reboot!
MIKE: Glitch, delete fanfic.

> -style
> cyberdeck, dual input jacks, and comfortable, if cramped, recliner chairs.

MIKE: Oooo, gimme! We don't have any recliners up here on the SOL!

> Davey's not claustrophobic, but

TOM: He tries his best.

> as he looked into that room he longed for
> some wide open space.
> And cyberspace definably does qualify as 'wide open space.'

TOM: No it doesn't. It's just a string of ONES and ZEROS!!
MIKE: You got zeros? We had to use the letter O.

> Inspired
> by an earthling fiction writer,

MIKE: Lemme guess, an earthling fiction writer, perhaps FROM ST. LOUIS?!
TOM: Geez, this guy's got an ego the size of Mount Rushmore!
CROW: Y'know, they blew up Abraham Lincoln's face on Mount Rushmore. I think
they replaced it with some 20-year-old author's face.
MIKE, TOM: [ chuckle ]

> cyberspace became the standard virtual
> reality interface to the 'net.

CROW: Wouldn't that be, like, the *only* VR interface to the 'net?!
TOM: Not in Davey's world.

> A checkerboard expands to infinity.

MIKE: Wow. I am amazed.

> Chess
> pieces of cubes, pyramids, cones, cylinders, and other geometric shapes

MIKE: And the really freaky mutated shape that glows!
TOM: All hail the power of the really freaky mutated shape that glows!

> represents data bases, security systems, computer networks, and other
> connections in Mobius' Information Superhighway.

CROW: What is this, Blood and Metal or Tron?
MIKE: Or Shadowrun.

> Blue rivers intertwine in
> computer chip fashion between the chess
> pieces.

MIKE: Checkmate.
TOM: I counter.
MIKE: You can't "counter" a checkmate!

> "And with this view screen, you'll have an electron's eye view of
> the 'net."
> "View screen?" Davey said as he flopped on the couch and jacked in-
> directly--with the Data Spear, "The way I jack in,

CROW: Davey, you can't jack into cyberspace! You don't *know* jack!
MIKE: That joke was pretty much inevitable.

> I don't need view
> screens. . ."

MIKE: [ deep voice ] Cuz Ah'm a MAN!

> Davey's eyes defocused and glowed as cyberspace filled his sense of

CROW: Smell!
MIKE: Taste!
TOM: Lunchmeat!
MIKE, CROW: Huh?

> vision.

TOM: I still think it should've been lunchmeat.
MIKE, CROW: Huh?!

> An image of himself appeared on the view screen, but he was
> changed;

CROW: He's got a brain!

> Davey was dressed more like a superhero, with a cape, and he
> appeared to be glowing inside.

ALL: Ewww!

> His hands and eyes were lit up with the
> promise of power, and his tail was like it was set on fire.

MIKE: [ chuckling nervously ] Oh, it's the "FoxFire Studios" thing. Heh heh.
Kill me.

> ". . . Not when
> I can become one with the 'net. I now have a cosmic-style awareness over

CROW: Pickles.

> everything that goes in here. It really give quite a buzz."

MIKE: Energy BUZZ!! Wait, no.

> "I'd say," Uncle Chuck said as he jacked in himself.

CROW: Oh, just jack off!
MIKE: As was that joke.

> "If my readings
> are correct, every terminal and monitor is having a feedback loop sent
> directly to you. <Gasps>

TOM: [ Charles/Chuck ] You're picking up the Sci-Fi Channel!
CROW: [ Charles/Chuck ] And Comedy Central!
MIKE: [ Davey ] Noooooo!!

> Davey, you're monitoring every computer on Mobius
> even as we speak! Do you think you can handle--"

MIKE: [ Charles/Chuck ] The awesome responsibilities that come with such
power?

> "I'm surprised to say it, but

CROW: [ Davey, cheerfully ] Not a chance, dickweed!

> I am! Normally, the human, or Mobian
> mind for that matter, cannot handle this much input all at once, it would be
> unintelligible at least, insanity-producing at most.

TOM: Or maybe it would create run-on sentences, do you think so too?

> Yet, my cyborg

MIKE: I am Bubba Deliverance of Borg. I'm gonna assimilate yo' an' make yo'
squeal, piggy!
CROW: I am Cornholio of Borg. You will... give me TP for my assimilated
bunghole! Don't resist, 'cause it's like, futile, or something.
TOM: I am Mork of Borg. Nanoo, nanoo! You will be assimilated, as soon as I
report to Orson.

> implants enable me to handle all this. This is fantastic!! <Laughs> Oh,

CROW: [ Davey ] I just downloaded every "Feet of Clay" comic into my brain at
once. Hee hee... oh, that Abbott.

> I've found Lard-ass."

TOM: [ Davey ] I finally turned around.

> "Where?"

CROW: [ Davey ] Inside the roboticizer. Where do you think?!

> Their vision cut to a security camera's view of Robotroplis' Command
> Room.

MIKE: [ Robotnik ] Get me more lard for my tea!

> "--need: Another high speed show-off! And this one destroyed a death
> trap meant for Sonic!"

TOM: [ Robotnik ] The stupid death-trap-setter-offer!

> "But Dr. Robotnik, he was on a hovercycle. I don't think he counts."

MIKE: At least not without taking off his shoes.

> Robotnik glared at Snivley for a moment,

CROW: [ Robotnik ] Snively, shut your fat, stupid, annoying, obnoxious, long-
and-pointy-nosed trap, if you don't mind.

> but then returned to the
> monitors, admiring Davey's work.
> That's odd," Chuck mused. "Usually, Robotnik would be throttling

CROW: Hey, he spelled "throttling" right!

> Snivley

TOM: Misspelled "Snively", though.
MIKE: Guess you can't have everything.

> for that crack."
> "Mmm. I'd believe ya, Chuck.

MIKE: [ Davey ] Except that you're a fool, Chuck.

> And he appears to be admiring me as
> well. I don't think that's, like, normal for someone like him."

TOM: [ Butthead ] Or something. Huh-huh-huh.
CROW: Not normal for anyone sane, that is.

> "Humph,

MIKE: [ Charles/Chuck ] Bite me.

> from what I heard, that would be debatable."
> "Hey now!"

CROW: [ Davey ] Uh, is that an insult or not? I can't tell.

> Davey turned to make a face at Chuck, but something from
> the feed caught his eye: Silvery-Grey ooze seeped from Robotnik's left
> metal arm. Robotnik notices. "Damn."

MIKE: Yuck, he's still infected!

> "Man, Talk about crappy quality," Davey said in disgust. "Who made
> that arm? Apple?"

TOM: Bite me, Win-boy!

> Charles just stood silently, scratching his chin,

CROW: [ Charles/Chuck ] Not by the itch on my chinny-chin-chin!

> as Packbell arrives
> into the scene,

MIKE: [ Packbell ] Hey! Am I gonna get any lines here?

> placing another pan underneath the drip.

MIKE: [ Packbell ] Guess not.

> "Y'now,

CROW: Yeah, now. What about now?

> sonny, I'm
> beginning to think that's not really Robotnik."

TOM: Well, gee, he's oozing pus-like goo and he seems to *like* Davey. Sounds
fine to me!

> At this point, Robotnik did the one thing that took the two cyber-spies

CROW: To the movie "Titanic".

> back for almost five minutes: He turned to Packbell and thanked--yes,
> thanked--

TOM: Not spanked!
MIKE: Or cranked!
CROW: Or tanked!
TOM: But thanked!

> him for putting the pan under the drip. Julian Ivo Robotnik would

MIKE: Kill you if you made fun of his name.

> never thank anyone for anything.

TOM: Not even that birthday party we threw for him. What a loser.

> Everyone who had the nerve to help him are
> now either dead of roboticized.
> "Now I KNOW that's not

CROW: Butter!

> Robotnik!"
> "If he's not, then, who is he?"

CROW: He's Fabio!

> "Not who, Davey, What? Do a all-database scan for 'Auto- Automations,'
> for me, will you."
> "Way ahead of you. . . [15 second pause]

MIKE: [ Davey ] Well, sorta ahead, at least.

> . . . I've got something."

TOM: [ Davey ] A rash.

> Davey relays a record to Chuck about

CROW: Rash removal.

> Snivley and Packbell creating an Auto
> Automation

MIKE: "Auto-Automation"? Gimme a break. Not only is it redundant, it repeats
itself *and* says the same thing more than once!

> version of Robotnik. The reason for it was because live was just

TOM: Too costly! I'll wait for pay-per-view.

> too quiet without him around.

CROW: We miss the sounds of bungling and screwing up.

> However, Packbell couldn't find up-to-date

MIKE: Macarena instructions.
BOTS: Nooooo!

> records on how to

MIKE: Do the Macarena!
BOTS: Nooooooo!

> make good Auto-Automations, so they had to make do with

TOM: Cheap auto-automation rip-offs with only one "auto".

> out-of-date procedures and files. "Remind me to smack Snivley around for

MIKE: [ Davey ] Having such a stupid name. "Snively"? Gimme a break!
CROW: But wasn't it his parents who chose his name, thus making him blameless?
MIKE: [ Davey ] Shut up.

> using such crappy work. I expected more from him. Oh, I've got access to

CROW: [ Beavis ] Porn! Heh-heh-heh!
TOM: [ Butthead ] Cool, lemme see! Huh-huh-huh!
MIKE: All right, I'm cutting off your MTV.

> Main Roboticizer #2! I'll upload the upgrade parameters and we can give you

TOM: A sponge bath.
MIKE, CROW: Ewww!

> the treatment from there."
> "Main Roboticizer #2?!

MIKE: How're they gonna get him in there--
CROW: --put the tube down--
TOM: --pull the switch--
CROW: --put the tube *up*--
MIKE: --and get out without being blasted?
TOM: Contrivance power.

> Ballsy, Crockett.

MIKE: I call bull. Stupid does not necessarily mean manly.

> Crazy, but ballsy--Hey!
> what's this?

CROW: [ Charles/Chuck ] Get your hand away from there, Davey.

> Roboticizer Override?"

TOM: I'd rather see Roboticizer Ponyride.

> "This I've got to see. . . " Davey reached out for the file, but
> suddenly, white lightning could be seen from some of the paths of blue, and
> approaching paths.

MIKE: [ HAL 9000 ] I'm sorry, Davey, but I'm afraid I can't do that.

> "ICE constructs!"

TOM: Yep, definitely Shadowrun.

> Charles shouted, referring to the acronym

TOM: Instrument Compressing Elephants!
MIKE: Inimitable Clog-dancing Easterners!
CROW: Ifrit Can't Eat!
MIKE: Ooh, it rhymes! Good job!
CROW: Thank you.

> 'Intrusion
> Countermeasure Electronics,' designed to take out uninvited guests in
> computer networks by any means possible, even if it means flatlining the

MIKE: Fanfic.

> poor soul.

CROW: That'd be us.

> "Jack out of here, now!!"
> Davey managed to get a copy of the Roboticizer Override file in a split

TOM: Hair?

> second before he jacked out, just before the ICE ran into the ram space he
> was just occupying one CPU cycle before. . .

MIKE: Ah, cyberpunk crap. Fun, fun, fun.

>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> "Whew," Charles said as their brains

MIKE: Let's skip that one.
CROW: Well, OK.

> were catching up to the fact that

CROW: Two plus two is *not* five.

> they are back in their bodies. "That was a close one. You got that last
> file?"

MIKE: [ Davey ] Well, yeah, I got it right--hey, where'd that magnet come
from? Oops.

> "Sure did, Uncle Chuck." He popped the disk out from his upper arm

MIKE: [ flinches ] Ouch!

> drive. "For a moment there, I was disappointed in Needle Nose,

CROW: He facially sews.
MIKE: [ claps ]
CROW: Thank you, thank you, thank you.

> but I didn't
> expected those cyberspace defenses to be developed on Mobius. Now, this
> game is going to be fun."

TOM: Fun? HA!!

> "Sonny," Chuck sighed,

MIKE: [ Charles/Chuck ] Tell me to stop acting like your grandpa.
CROW: [ Charles/Chuck ] Put on a clean shirt, and cut your fur!
TOM: [ Charles/Chuck ] And would you decide on a name for me, *please*?

> "If you still think that this is something that
> came out from Sega,

MIKE: [ Charles/Chuck ] Then YOU, my friend, are an idiot.

> think of it from OUR point of view. And by what I'm
> fearing from what I think 'Roboticizer Override' means, I'm afraid that

TOM: This fanfic is going to get *worse*.

> you're gonna be seeing that point of view awfully quick."

TOM: LY! *LY*!! Awfully quick-*LY*!!

> Davey was too quick to change the subject. "You think that Robatsy

ALL: [ snicker ]

> knows we were there?"
> "Don't know, son. Let's assume he did, however, and move up our plans
> from there. I'll signal the others. . ."

CROW: [ Charles/Chuck ] Dear others, bite me. Love, Chuck.

>

[ Without a word, the crew flees out of the theater as fast as they can. ]

[ MST3K planet bumper. Commercials ensue. ]

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of part 5b of 9
Shay Caron (Shay_...@letterbox.com
-or-
glee...@aol.com)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

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