MiSTing: Katira's Tale, part 9.
Amanda Van Rhyn
Still, as we finally near the end of this thing, I'd just like to remind
you all that C&C is a good thing.
> “Just leave Kat alone, and we’ll forget this whole thing ever
> happened, ok?” offered Meg.
> “Oh, is that so? Well, Hercules, what are you going to do about it?
> And Meg! Do you really think you can challenge and beat me?” asked
> Anticlus arrogantly.
CROW: Don’t do it, guys! Anticlus has a beatdown stick!
> “I’m not afraid to spill your blood,” answered Herc.
> “You aren’t? Well, maybe you won’t have to spill mine. You can
> spill one of your girlfriends’
TOM: <Hercules> Hey, Moooom! I dropped one of my girlfriends and she
spilled all over the carpet! Where do you keep the paper towels?
> blood instead,” responded Anticlus. With a few gestures and some magic
> words from Anticlus, Katira and Meg soon found themselves bound and
> hanging precariously over deep pits,
CROW: Oh come *on*. Dr. Evil did this so much better.
> so deep the bottom couldn’t be seen. Katira’s psychic powers kicked in,
> and she could sense that at the bottom of her pit was something soft and
> safe, while beneath Meg were huge spikes covered with water.
MIKE: Hmm... I was so distracted with the other pains of this fic
that I forgot about Foreshadowing Hell. Thank you for reminding me,
Erato!
> Anticlus grinned evilly at Hercules, who was stunned by what Anticlus had
> done.
> “What did you do to them?” demanded Herc. Anticlus fairly skipped
> about the hero, grinning maliciously all the while.
TOM: <Anticlus> Did you miss the last few paragraphs? I tied them up
over two booby-trapped pits with the powers of my mind! Sheesh, take
some notes or something!
> “Let’s see here. Two girls, both lovers of the mighty Hercules, but
> oh no! Now they’re hanging, and you’ll have to pick between them.
CROW: And thank *you*, Mr. Exposition!
> Whichever one you pick the other shall die.
MIKE: Tell ya what, Erato: I’ll take that sentence down to the shop,
and they’ll have an estimate on the repair costs on Friday.
> So, who’s it going to be? Megara or Katira?” asked Anticlus. Herc
> looked between the girls nervously. Who should he pick? Meg or Kat?
> Luck or destiny?
TOM: Butter or Parkay?
> Simple beauty or perfection?
CROW: Spit or swallow?
> Old love or new?
MIKE: Paper or plastic?
> The situation was horrible. Herc again looked between the maidens. He
> noticed Katira gesturing her head toward Meg and mouthing things like
> ‘Megara’ and ‘Save Meg’ but Meg wasn’t doing anything like that for Kat.
> Meg simply dangled there, looking frightened.
TOM: <Megara> Kill me now! Get me out of this story!
> “Let them go. Please,” pleaded Herc. Anticlus simply shook his head.
> “No can do, Herc. You’ve got to pick. And you’d better hurry, too.
> Their time is almost up. Ten...nine...” counted Anticlus. He prayed
> Herc would pick Meg, so then he could keep Kat for himself. Herc
> frantically tried to decide.
MIKE: <Hercules> Duh... 17?
> “Don’t do this!” he insisted.
> “...eight...seven...six...” Katira increased her gestures toward Meg.
> Meg was becoming extremely pale with terror.
> “Release them!”
> “five...four...three...two...one.
CROW: ... ticktick BOOM! The bomb kills everyone.
> Bye-bye...” With those words, the cables holding Meg and Kat snapped, and
> they plunged into the tunnels below them.
ALL: Woohoo!
CROW: Hope those 9.8 meters per second squared are fun, girls!
TOM: Don’t let the door hit you in the butt on your way out!
> Meg screamed as she fell, while Katira forced herself to remain silent.
> Herc reacted, and decided to take Kat’s advice. He rushed to Meg’s pit,
> and snatched her out of it.
ALL: Awwww...
> Katira smiled to herself when she heard Meg’s screams cease. She knew
> Meg had been saved.
MIKE: Or impaled *horribly*, given as death tends to make people stop
screaming...
TOM: And DarkMike surfaces again for one final encore.
> Hercules untied Meg, and hurried to Katira’s side. He peered into the
> abyss, but could see nothing, not even the shimmer of Katira’s golden
> jewelry. It was too late to save Kat now. Yet he waited, hoping for
> something, he wasn’t sure what, to happen so Kat would be spared.
> Nothing happened. He heard a crash, and his heart sank at the sickening
> sound. He felt Katira must be dead. Herc lowered his head, and held back
> tears.
> Meanwhile, Katira sat, dazed, on a huge pile of pillows and cushions.
CROW: And her fanfic luck wins over believability yet again!
> The sudden contact had jarred her, but otherwise she was fine. She
> looked up, and could see a tiny circle of light above her. She must be
> several yards below the hall. Katira waited for her eyes to adjust to
> the darkness. She noticed a small tunnel not far from her. Figuring
> there wasn’t any other way out, she climbed through it, following it’s
> dark, damp, smelly twists and turns. The walls were coated with a
> strange slime, and Kat did everything but retch. She would keep going
> though. She had to.
MIKE: And *why* does she have to again?
> Meg and Herc silently mourned Katira’s fate, thinking she had surely
> been killed. Anticlus’s eyes gleamed, for he knew better. He knew
> perfectly well that Katira was safe and alive.
TOM: It’s bad enough as is, fanfic! You don’t need to rub it in...
> Meg headed for the door, but Hercules turned about to face Anticlus.
> “You killed her,” he growled.
> “Not I,” chirped Anticlus,
CROW: <Anticlus> Chirp, chirp. Can I have my birdseed now?
> “It’s your own fault. You could have saved her if you wanted to, but you
> picked Meg. It was your own decision, not mine.” Herc didn’t care.
> He was going to avenge Katira’s death on her kidnapper. He wanted to
> kill Anticlus for what he had done to Kat. She had been innocent, and he
> had forced her to die.
MIKE: Hey, guess what? Our poor synapses were innocent at the
beginning of this fic... can we avenge that?
> As far as Herc saw things, Anticlus was a murderer.
> “You don’t deserve to live, Anticlus,” spat the hero, glaring at him. Suddenly, Katira appeared.
TOM: She climbed right out of a plot hole, I see...
> “Stop!” she cried. Everyone looked in surprise at her sudden entrance.
> “Kat! B-but I thought you were dead!” exclaimed Herc.
> “No, I wasn’t killed. I was kept alive so that-that-”-Katira swore
> at him-
MIKE: <sarcasm> No! She can’t do that in a *Disney* production!
CROW: Actually, I picture this scene being vaguely like the cursing
scene in ‘Sonic Fights Robotnik’. Lame and most likely misspelled.
> “could keep me around for his little pleasures!” All three were shocked
> at Katira’s sudden language.
TOM: <sarcasm sequencer> Oh, gasp. The horror, the horror.
> As they watched her, she transformed before their very eyes.
ALL: Transformers - robots in disguise!
> She went livid with fury, and her eyes blazed like deadly wildfires.
ALL: <singing> Wiiiiiiiild...... fiiiiiiiiiiiiiire....
> Her whole body tensed and pulsed,
MIKE: BUM-bum BUM-bum BUM-bum BUM-bum...
TOM: There’s that pesky telltale heart again!
> and her mouth curled back in an animal-like snarl.
CROW: Now she’s an Animorph?
> She was changed from the usually docile, gentle, and kindly girl into a
> savage, cruel beast, as though the wrath of every god and evil power was
> made incarnate through her body.
TOM: <Katira>Land O' Goshen, I'm just as mad as all get-out and
gosh-a-doodly if I'm gonna take it anymore!
> In her gold, she had been scarcely recognizable, and now, no one could
> believe she was the same woman.
> Katira emitted something like a growl,
TOM: <soft and deadpan> Roar.
> and leapt at Anticlus like a tiger. Kat was almost a wild animal,
> snarling and frothing.
MIKE: Sorry, Erato, but yer avatar’s rabid. Time to have her put down.
> Anticlus, Meg and Herc suddenly had a new understanding of Katira’s
> nickname. With remarkable agility, Kat darted around Anticlus, circling,
> as though preparing to rip and tear him apart with her delicate, white
> hands.
CROW: And suddenly it’s a Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling crossover!
> Anticlus actually went pale with fear, and even Herc backed away from
> her warily, searching for cover from Kat’s ire. Her jewels flashed and
> shone like molten lava, with all the virulent and violent inferno of a
> legendary Mount Vesuvius from a far-off tribe of people.
> In a motion almost as quick as Kat’s, Anticlus snatched up Meg and held
> her with his sword at her throat.
CROW: See, Meg, as a damsel, has a natural defense mechanism to look
like she’s in distress so heroes will rescue her. It just didn’t work
this time.
> As suddenly as Katira had ignited, she stopped in fear for her friend.
> Once more, Katira was calm, and no longer blazed like the torturing pyres
> of hell.
> “One move, and your friend dies!” declared Anticlus, with Meg stiff so
> that she might be spared.
TOM: The Freudian implications of that last sentence should not be
approached by mankind. Or botkind, for that matter.
> “No! Please, let her go. She has done nothing to you,”
MIKE: <Anticlus> She dared show her face in this sad excuse for a
story. For this, she will die.
> pleaded Katira. Anticlus did not lower his sword.
> “Why should I?” he demanded. Katira thought fast. A plan formed in
> her head, and she would have to make an unpleasant sacrifice if she was
> to save Meg.
TOM: What, you think slicing goats open on altartops is anyone’s idea
of a good time? The cleanup alone...
> “Take me instead. If you free her, I- I will sell you my body,”
> offered Katira shamelessly. She was placing before him what she knew
> Anticlus wanted most.
CROW: Look, the moral limped out again! Hit it while it’s down!
> Surely he would agree to the deal! Meg’s jaw almost hit the floor, and
> Herc gasped with horror. What in the name of Zeus did Katira think she
> was doing?!?! Herc hoped it was part of some master plan of Kat’s, and
> she wasn’t really doing what she had said. The truth was, Katira’s plan
> wasn’t fully formulated,
MIKE: Well, neither is the plot, so she's in good company.
> and she herself hoped she knew what she was doing. Anticlus’s lips
> twisted onto an evil grin,
CROW: <Anticlus> Mmm... evil grin-flavored lollipops. My favorite.
> and he released Meg. In two steps, Anticlus held Katira in his arms.
> Katira didn’t like it, but she had promised she’d sell herself, and Kat
> knew she couldn’t complain about the choice she’d made. Anticlus kissed
> Kat’s red lips, and many things that were simply shocking to Kat’s friends.
TOM: Oh, now that’s just icky.
> However, what Anticlus didn’t know was that Katira was still covered with
> the slime, that was, in actuality, poisonous. He was slowly dying from
> his contact with Katira.
MIKE: Well, I always *did* picture Deus ex Machine as being kind of
slimy...
> He didn’t know that Katira was becoming a femme fatale, as all of the goo
> rubbed off on him. As for Kat’s friends, they were not happy about the
> situation.
CROW: <Kat’s “friends”> Oh, no, we’re just ecstatic. It means this
fanfic is almost over.
> Promise or no, Hercules would not let this happen to Katira! Anticlus
> was beginning to move Katira’s skirts when Herc grabbed his collar,
> yanking him away from Kat. Katira was accidentally flung directly into
> the wall
MIKE: (snickers) Yeah, ‘accidentally’. *Sure*.
> with a terrific force, and she crumpled to the ground in agony, her ribs
> smashed, her spine fractured in multiple places.
TOM: <professor> Note, class, that plot contrivances can work both
for good and for evil. For example, this is the “good” use of
contrivance.
> Both legs and arms were broken, and blood flowed where some bones had
> pierced her skin, dyeing it red.
CROW: <Katira> Oh, *poopie*.
> Katira wasn’t dead yet,
MIKE: <Sir Lancelot from _Monty Python and the Holy Grail_> Well,
dear Concorde, whether you are dead or not, I must go on this
mission. It is my... idiom!
> but she could feel herself fading. Death loomed over her like a dark
> shadow.
TOM: Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? Death knows!
> Katira wanted to scream, but her one lung was punctured, the other
> slightly deflated, and one of her shattered vertebrae was tickling the
> folds of her vocal cords. Kat could barely speak above a whisper if she
> tried,
MIKE: YES! And there goes the potential for dialogue!
> and she only managed to produce a soft groan, as her own blood pooled
> around her. As for Herc and Anticlus, they fought and fought, until
> finally, Anticlus could take no more, and was finished off by Hercules.
CROW: And the gripping battle sequence ends!
> Anticlus’s corpse was left in a heap as Herc rushed to Kat’s side. She
> looked at him with her big bluish eyes, the same color as the mists in
> the Underworld (or so Meg thought!), huge in her pain,
TOM: Speaking of that, I’m HUGE!
MIKE: That’s nice.
> and she managed a weak smile. Tears openly fell down the hero’s cheeks
> as he gingerly scooped the broken, bleeding Katira up, hoping to get her
> somewhere where she might be saved.
CROW: <Narrator> Hercules was a hero, but he was a slacker hero.
He never bothered to pass First Aid in school.
> Herc climbed on Peg’s back, holding Katira carefully in one arm, and Meg
> clung to him, and Pegasus, recognizing the need for Katira’s help, flew
> as he’d never done before. As they traveled, Katira thought about the
> words of the oracle. She understood that she and Herc were born the same
> day, meant to be together. She began to understand the “two divided, one
> chosen” meant that her relationship with Hercules couldn’t happen, and
> that Meg would probably be chosen since she was dying.
MIKE: Gee, just *maybe*.
CROW: Unless Hercules is a closet necrophiliac.
> She perfectly understood that Anticlus had been waiting and what danger
> it had meant. If it wasn’t for Anticlus, Katira wouldn’t be dying right
> now.
TOM: “Katira’s Tale” - the Cliff’s Notes version!
> Still, the last words were puzzling. Apparently, she was the one who
> would never go to Olympus. That didn’t take a genius to figure out at
> this point. But how would she stay young forever? Where was the garden
> of love?
CROW: It’s the bustle in your hedgerow, next to the house of stone
and light.
> A horrible pain raced through her body like wildfire as
MIKE: ... Nero fiddled?
> Peg landed in Meg’s garden. She was laid on the ground very gently, and
> she looked up helplessly at those around her. She could see pain and
> concern in the eyes of Herc. She saw the same in Meg’s too. Even Pegasus
> seemed worried about her.
TOM: I believe she’s confusing ‘worry’ with ‘breaking out the party
hats and noisemakers’.
> Then Katira’s gaze rested on someone she’d never seen before. It was a
> satyr, she knew that, but who was he, and why was he here?
> “Hey, who’s the babe? And what happened to her?” asked the satyr.
> “This is Katira, and she’s been badly injured. Can you help her at
> all, Phil?”
CROW: <sarcasm sequencer> “Phil”. Nice ancient Greek name right there.
> asked Herc sadly. The satyr, Phil as Katira learned, shook his head.
> “No can do, kid. She’s as good as gone,” he answered. Katira
> blinked
TOM: ... and missed the plot of the story.
> at the word “gone” and everyone else sort of had a spasm when he said it.
> It was as though they couldn’t believe Katira was dying, and the gruesome
> reality was now clear to them.
MIKE: Thank you for filling us in on that, Omnipotent Narrator Person.
> “Oh, Kat, I’m sorry. It was my fault,” apologized Herc. Katira
> managed another weak smile.
> “No, it wasn’t. It’s okay. Just be more careful next time, even
> though “next time” won’t be with me,” she croaked
ALL: And the fic ends! Woowoo!
> softly. She wanted to do something reassuring for Herc, but she couldn’t
> move. She tried, and the pain was excruciating, but she didn’t even move
> a millimeter. Her neck and back were broken, and she had become
> quadriplegic.
TOM: No big deal! I’m sure Gimpy would be willing to rent some room
for you in his Box...
MIKE: <Katira> Bring me out, baby!
> Even if by some miracle she did survive, she would never walk again, she
> would never play her flute again, she wouldn’t be able to do anything
> again. No more walks in the agora, no nothing.
CROW: No hideous fanfiction...
> She would be completely helpless. She’d die a virgin anyway if she
> lived through this, for how could she be a mother if she couldn’t even
> sit up?
MIKE: Someone didn’t take ‘Human Development’ in middle school, I see.
> Kat’s friends just struggled to repress tears.
> “Kat, please, don’t say that. You...might make it...somehow.” Herc
> tried to restore cheerfulness, but it was no use.
TOM: <Hercules> Geesh, the mortally wounded are a tough crowd!
> Katira wanted to shake her head, but she couldn’t move. Instead, she
> gazed at him with her emotions.
CROW: The Amazing Katira! Watch her bend spoons with her mind!
> “I have to. You know I’m going,” she persisted gently. Her death
> was inevitable, and approaching fast.
MIKE: Funny how it’s been ‘approaching fast’ for what seems like
pages now...
> “Katira, oh...” began Herc, but it was too late. Katira went limp,
> and she breathed a soft sigh as her eyes closed. Her head rolled to the
> side, and Katira died
ALL: AND THERE WAS MUCH REJOICING!! WOOHOO!!!
> right there in his arms. The gods of Olympus had watched the tragic
> scene, and they
CROW: ... commenced the smiting?
> pitied the small group.
CROW: Oh.
> Herc felt a comforting hand on his back.
> “She’s
MIKE: (McCoy) ... dead, Jim.
> gone,” murmured Hera. Erato
TOM: Let’s make this legitimate self-insertion now.
> also came to comfort and mourn over her daughter’s death.
> “My baby girl’s dead. My baby Dejanara Petrakis is gone,” whispered
> the Muse. Meg and Herc exchanged looks. So Katira had been named
> otherwise after all, and she was really Dejanara Petrakis instead of
> Katira.
CROW: Aww, what a plot development! Guess it must have lost its way
sixteen pages or so ago, when it was relevant.
> An idea came to her (Erato), and Erato gently touched Katira’s forehead
> and her heart. The corpse gave a soft glow, and Katira’s shade rose from
> the mangled, bloody body.
MIKE: C’mon, Erato, did you *have* to do that?
> The specter acknowledged the gods, and lovingly embraced her mother.
> Katira was glad her mother had returned to Greece to see her off. She’d
> been on vacation for a good eighteen years,
CROW: <Church Lady> Isn’t that *conveeeenient.*
> and so had not watched her child grow up, nor been able to rejoice in the
> triumphs of the great hero Hercules, as her (Erato’s) five sisters
> (there were 9 Muses) had. Urania, Polyhymnia, and Euterpe were still
> vacationing,
TOM: Let me guess: this is some kind of sudden-guilt cop-out to
explain why there were only five muses in Disney’s version of
_Hercules_, right?
MIKE: Correct as usual, King Servo.
> so they didn’t even know about Katira or Herc. Katira’s ghost looked
> gently at her friends Meg and Herc, both of which were crying.
> “There now, guys. Yeah, I’m dead, but there’s nothing you can do
> about it now. I’d like to say first off, please, don’t forget me, but do
> continue with your lives as though this had never happened,”
CROW: And this would be an attempt to remove this story from real
continuity! At least *that* is a valiant effort...
> began Katira, slipping a ring into Herc’s hand with a wink, knowing he’d
> soon marry Meg, “Second, I’ll never forget you guys, because you’ve been
> the best friends I’ve ever had.
MIKE: No, you’ll forget because you’re *dead*. Get the picture?
TOM: Katira: You’re dead! Leave the story already!
CROW: She’s Nefertiti, guys. Queen of Denial.
> Third, I’ve got a couple prophecies:
MIKE: <irate> Just spit ‘em out then, why don’t ya? Not as if anyone
who’s still *ALIVE* would have anything better to do than listen to a
DEAD CHICK prattle on and on!
CROW: Mike, buddy, are you all right?
MIKE: <calming down> Yeah, I’m sorry. This fanfic is starting to get
to me.
> before four years pass, a daughter shall be born to you, and she’ll
> change Greece forever, and one day, I’ll come back.” Meg and Herc
> exchanged looks. What was that supposed to mean?
TOM: It’s the fanfic’s final stab at Foreshadowing Hell!
> Katira’s spirit came closer to them and gave Meg a sisterly hug.
> “Goodbye, Kat. I’ll miss you,” professed Meg.
MIKE: <Megara as professor> Are we all taking notes? This will be on
the final.
> She smiled softly at Meg. Then Katira went straight to Herc, and slipped
> her transparent hands under his chin.
> “I know you’ll miss me most of all, Hercules. I know you’ll never
> forget me, nor will you ever fully forgive yourself for my, uh, condition
> here. Just remember this: it wasn’t all your fault. You didn’t know
> this was going to happen. And second,” the phantom whispered, “I will
> always love you, forever and for always.” Katira bent over, and ethereal
> lips kissed Herc’s tear-stained cheek. Kat’s apparition ran an
> affectionate hand over his hair, and she smiled kindly at him.
> “A-hem,” came a voice from the heavens. Kat winced guiltily.
CROW: Thank you, Magic Voice!
MAGIC VOICE: My pleasure!
> “That would be Hermes. I have to go. Remember all I’ve told you,”
> she said. Kat nodded at the gods, and she walked backwards, fading as
> she went. She stepped onto a large stone, and Katira’s shade
> disappeared, while the corpse took its place.
TOM: Eww, meat puppet city!
MIKE: Hi there, DarkTom.
> Katira’s dead skin became even whiter than in life, and her lips and
> cheeks faded to the same white. Kat’s dark curls paled, and her jewelry
> lost its golden luster. Kat stood there, frozen. Before their very
> eyes, she had become a marble statue in Meg’s garden.
TOM: It’s like Galatea without the brains... and the point.
> On her pedestal read a short epitaph in her memory:
>
> Dejanara (Katira) Petrakis
> “...forever and for always.”
> Best Friend
>
> At the foot of the statue sprouted a beautiful rosebush, bearing the
> finest red roses ever seen or to be seen, as perfect as Katira’s beauty,
> and as red as the blood she had shed.
CROW: And under the red fern lay Old Dan and Little Ann, the finest
hunting dogs ever to live.
> “Young eternal, but never to Olympus must one be, forever in the
> garden of love,” quoted Herc. Now the oracle’s words were clear to him.
> “What?” asked Meg, not knowing what he meant. Herc just shook his
> head, and looked at the statue. The figure looked back at him kindly and
> gently, as though to say “I’ll always be here for you.”
MIKE: ... when the rain starts to pour? She’ll be there for him, like
she’s been there before?
> It was Katira frozen there, and always would be, smiling down at those
> who looked upon her. It wouldn’t look like Kat,
TOM: So? It’s a statue of a complete stranger. What’s the point?
> for the statue wore the clothes Katira had died in, but it would always
> have the same aura of well-being around it that Katira had in life.
> Even with the stone jewels, a small stone flute and a small stone pouch
> were visible, tucked into the stone belt. The gods left the garden, and
> life went on as usual.
> One month after Katira’s death,
MIKE: ... the story was still going? Uh oh.
> Megara sat contentedly in her garden, all alone. She looked at Kat’s
> statue, and plucked a single red rose from the rosebush that grew at the
> foot of Katira’s pedestal. Meg tucked it over Kat’s stone ear, and
> smiled appreciatively. She felt a strong hand on her right shoulder.
> Meg turned around to see none other than Herc.
> “Hi,” he said, grinning at her. Meg had a feeling he was going to
> try and surprise her.
> “Hi,” she answered, trying to figure out the “surprise”.
> “What are you doing?”
> “I’m hanging out in my garden. Geez, Herc, are you really that
> dense?” teased Meg,
CROW: <Hercules> Stop being mean! You’ll be sorry when George finally
lets me see the rabbits!
> “Wait, let me guess. You’re going to tell me something, aren’t you.
> Probably that you’ve got to go chase after some monster terrorizing the
> countryside, right?” Herc kept grinning at her.
MIKE: <Hercules> Well, not exactly... say did you know that Gamera is
really neat?
> “Actually, no. How would you like it if I didn’t have to go chasing
> after monsters so much? How would you like it if I would always be able
> to stay home with you?” he asked, slightly nervous. Herc fingered the
> ring Katira had given to him.
CROW: <Hercules> It was our birthday present, wasn’t it, Precious?
> “What are you trying to say?” asked Meg.
TOM: <Hercules> Um... ‘Frammin’ on the Jim-Jam’?
> This was very abnormal behavior for Herc. Most of the time he just said
> whatever it was.
> “Well, I was wondering if you’d like to spend the rest of your life
> with me.” Meg’s face began to light up.
> “You don’t mean-?” she began, not bothering to finish. Herc nodded,
> and presented the ring. Meg hadn’t seen Kat give it to him, so she
> wondered where on earth he’d gotten it.
> “Yes. Meg, will you marry me?”
CROW: <Megara> Ewwww... no. You've got cooties.
> Meg beamed and nodded joyfully. What a nice surprise!
MIKE: And what an eminently predictable one!
> “Of course! Of course I will!” she cried, as Herc slipped the ring
> onto her finger. Meg hugged him ecstatically. She knew she wasn’t
> acting like herself, but who cared? Herc glanced over at Kat’s statue,
> and was almost sure he saw it wink at him. He shook his head slightly,
> and figured it was only the light playing tricks on the glossy marble.
> Kat knew better.
CROW: She doesn’t know *anything*! She’s *dead*! Am I gonna have to
repeat this again?
> He kissed his bride-to-be, and they walked off toward the villa together
> in the twilight.
> In a few short weeks, Megara and Hercules were married on Mount
> Olympus, and it was a marvelous party, with angelfood cake
MIKE: Wouldn’t that be ‘demigodfood’?
> (with Megara-purple sprinkles!).
TOM: Of course. The one time we actually see some detail, and it’s
the exact one we didn’t want to know!
> Of course, they didn’t live on Olympus afterwards. That would come later.
> Until then, all who knew about the occasion rejoiced, all except the
> groupies who had always hoped to be in Meg’s sandals.
> All in good time, Katira’s words would prove true. A daughter would
> be born soon, and, after a few generations, Katira did indeed return from
> the dead.
ALL: NOOOOO!
MIKE: It’s OK, guys, we have some time...
> But, until those days foretold, Katira would have to watch from the
> Underworld at her dear friends.
> ***
CROW: And the tribble ushers will show you to the exits!
TOM: It’s over? It’s really over?
MIKE: Yes, thank the powers that be. Let’s get out while we still can!
[They leave the theater.]