CLARION HIGH SCHOOL NEWS REPORT {MISTED} {PART TWO} BY JOHN WINN

[Not gonna tell ya]

{SOL. The foreground near the desk area is gathered about with easels
and some cardboard {or whatever it is}. The Bot's are standing at
right near the easel, with crow at first right, and tom at farthest
right. Mike is at the left holding a yard stick.}

Tom:Public schools are in absolute decay!!!! New Math, more class
time, anbd of course, GOALS 2000!!!! {all shrudder} Mike, could you
do the honors???
Mike:sure. Role numero uno.... {flips card and points at words in
red} Teachers and faculty are obviously trying to cope with new
"waves" in the course of education with the LACK oof education
actually being fronted. Crow???
Crow:{in strong southern accent}:With the new wave in po-lo-ticx
education seems king in the ring. American citizens have realized
what a corrupt society has been with congressmen and women. But they
don't realize how close to home their corruptions gets...OUR
EDUCATION!!! Bottom line....
Tom:Counsel adjourned!!!!
Crow{whispers}:Tom, I *really don't think you should give Tom any
ideas. Appearantly, he just got here, so it a bit tougher for the
first year than just beubg here.
Tom:Quichemo!!!

{commercial sign flashes. Mike hits the button.}

{several Ever Wonder commercials later}

{All enter theater}
Tom:Don't get two crazy Mike.
Mike:About what???

>Has your career been satifying???
Crow:I'm telling you, she a prosti....{Mike covers Crow's beak.}
Mike:If you say that one more time, it's time out for the next two
days, with *no* RAMchips. {Yet go of Crow's beak}

>Simmons:My career has been even more satifying, it has been gratifying. It's an adventure. I've learned far more than I have ever
taught them. I'm not sayomg it hasn;t been as hard as the dicken,
because it has.
Mike:Dickens, the writer, Crow.
Crow:Mike, the knife, in the batthroom.
Mike:That's very,very dark crow.
Crow:thank you.

>how do you feel your impact has been on past and present students???
Tom:As in "did most of your students fail the ninth grade???"
Mike:or is it "I" after "e" except after "c"???
Crpw:Great taste, or less filling???

>Simmons:Hmmmmm. very hard to determine unless I hear from my students form time to time. Now I have grandstudents, which is beautiful.
Mike:{shrudders} Grandstudents??? How old is she???
Tom:Cambot can pull up a picture if you wanta.
Mike:I'll pass.

>What contributions jave you made to the school that you feel earned you a award???

>Simmons:I've advised the school newspaper, worked with the Eden News to get the Clarion on newsprint,
Mike:Finally, a name for all this!!!
Tom:Well, it's a school newspaper not-
Crow:{whisper} Shooh! He doesn't know about "them".
Tom:Uhh, not the National Enquirer.
Mike:I know.

>worked with matmaids, worked with the senior class assembly....I don't know. Quite honestly, my primary classroom. Never let anything get in the way of that--never. {student enters and congrads
Mrs. Simmons on a recent victory. Nostalgic conversation ensues and
then the student leaves}
Mike:{as student}:Did I know you???
Crow:{as Mrs Simmons}:Go away, Go awayyyyyyy!!!!!

>Does this make you feel more accomplished as a teacher???

>Simmons:This is the finest accolade I have ever recieved, having taught in this school as long as I have. The finest honor is that they
>{the faculty} noticrd, despite the fact that they are in their own classroom or debt.
Mike:Solemn words from the horse's mouth {Crow nudges Tom}
Tom:When we get back, you something, Mike.
Mike:okay.

>Who do you think would win in a wrestling match between you and former Teacher of the Year Mrs. Edmunston???

>Simmons: Oh, It'd be a tie. I have the upmost regard for Mrs. Rdmunston and sp many other teachers. It would definately have to be a
>tie.
Mike:And so would we. Let's go, guys.

{Door exit scene.}

{SOL. Mike and the Bot's are arranged by the desk, with Mike at
left, and Crow and Tom at right and far right. All are talking to
each other}
Crow:That was tough.
Mike:You could say that again! {rubs sweat off temple}
{crow nudges Tom}
Tom:Uhhh...Mike?
Mike:Yeah?
Tom:I'd like to say that we saw your "performance" a while ago
and....{presents a certifcate to Mike}
Mike:A certificate to ....Sam Goody!!!
Tom:Yeah, we thought of all the things we could give 'ya and...
Mike:Thanks but....{klaxons ring} WE HAVE MOVIE SIGN!!!!

{all enter theater}
>DINING OUT:A SOPHISTICATED GUIDE TO THE FAST FOOD SOAP OPERA

>Giant towering neon burgers, glorious golden arches, charming be-pigtailed girls named Wendy...
Mike:Giant towering neon G's, large cylindrical buildings, a man in a
green labcoat and a guy named Frank....
Tom:{whisper} Shooh. The Mads may be watching

>They brazenly beckon us insidem offering shelter, nourishment, and value meals! About a dozen fast food restaurants.
>dot the Eden Landscape,
Tom:What, did God sort of expand his bussiness franchise???

>each with it's own devious plan to lure you inside and make your wallet dry. But will you, the teenage consumer, be duped???
Mike: {as announcer}Next month in "Consumer Reports"....

>Tragically, so many of your peers wallow in fast food misery, without the inderstanding that there is a duning establishment to cater to every different mood and taste.
Mike:And this is what he's concerned for???
Tom:Whatever happened to Global Warning, the deficit, or Riki
Rachtman's Headbangers ball???

>Fortunately, enlightenment lie just a paragraph away!!!! Without futher ado, here are thr five most significant fast food restaurants in Eden.
Crow:Enlightenment so near as to the nearest inch on your finger???
Get Buddha on line one!!!!

>BURGER KING-An Eden Mainstay, Burger King scores high in the value department-compare thier $2.99 value to the
Crow:the fact that Burger King is allied with Universal Home Video and
McDonald's is allied with Disney.

>competition. BK's second biggest selling point is the drink dispenser's placement on the *outside* of the counter. However, about 1
>out of every 10 times you place an order, they are bound to screw it up.
Mike:Most like Newton's Third Law of Motion.

>If you're not a gambling type-person, you better eat inside and make sure they get it right.
Tom:Unlike their motto

>WENDY'S- Wendy's definately has it's place in thr vicious circle of fast food as the 5-star fine dining establishment.
Mike:{in hippy voice}Down with the Establiishment,man!!!!
Tom:Don't get too Joe Strummer, Mike, if you know what I mean.

>Such exotic delicacies as Spicy Chicken and ham, and Honey, Ham, and Chicken set Wendy's apart from the rest, but tastiness comes with
>a price. Expect to pay $1.00 to $1.50 extra. Also take into consideration:this happens to be the *only* fast food restaurant with a salad bar. Good place to
>take a date.
Mike:Only store with a salad bar??? Sounds like...
Tom:Like you haven't noticed, Mike???
Mike:What???
Tom:I'll Tell you later.

>HARDEE's- In the cheeseburger, french fries scheme of things, Hardee's is really as good as anyone else. But I haven't seem any original
>ideas come out of Hardee's since "Homestyle Chicken and Biscuits"
Mike:But they sure make good chicken!!!

>, which I always feel is best researved for KFC and Grandma's house.
Mike:And Grandma's car, Grandma's attic and Grandma's.....

>Not bad, but the competiton is better.
Crow:UNC can beat Duke's A** any time of the day.

>McDONALDS- The prices are sufficiantly cheap and the food is really tasty.
Mike:Kinda like if the NY Times did better investigative reporting.

>{albeit quite greasy}. But the locale consists of noisy teenagers squealing tires and blaring their speakers. Not this writer's idea of a cozy living environment.
Mike:And our writer;s perfect tool's for lambasting culture.

>McDonald's is decent in it's own right, but it just isn't my style/
Mike{asa black inner city gang youth}:And it just ain't my
style,fool!!! Get outta my face before I perform another OTP in you
and get your girl down!!!!

>TACO BELL- Taco bell definately plays a major role in the fast food opera. Taco Bell os cool for three reasons: {1}:They have tacos!!! {2}They're cheap! and {3}The drink dispenser is on the *other* end of the counter!!!
Mike:But can you answer Craig's Five questions???

>\everything else is snipped due to the fact that I lost some of the other material./