[MSTed] The Universe is One Wavicle - 2
Roger M. Wilcox
[Satellite of Love]
[TOM and CROW are laying on the counter, moaning in pain. MIKE slowly
pulls himself up from behind the counter.]
MIKE: Hi, everybody. <groooooan> Welcome back to the Satellite of Love.
We're still recovering from Part 1 of <groooooan> _The Universe
Is One Wavicle_.
CROW: [on his side, sobbing somewhat] If I hear "minus zero to minus
infinity" one more time, I'm gonna blow chunks!
TOM: [also on his side, in between sobs] You can't blow chunks, you're a
robot.
MIKE: Now, now, guys, <groooooan> you gotta hurry up and pull yourselves
together! Doctor Forrester is about to send us Part 2!
TOM and CROW: [sobbing] BAAAAAAW haw haw haw haw haw haaaaaaaaawwwww!!!
[Red light flashes]
MIKE: Oh no, Beavis is calling!
[Deep 13]
DR. F: [smiling] Hello, Milk! I see my experiments are finally getting
through to you.
[S. of L.]
TOM: O foul accursed creature, you are a man who has received pain and
now lives only to give pain!
[Deep 13]
DR. F: Flattery will get you nowhere.
[S. of L.]
MIKE: You can break our hearts, you can break our backs, but you can
never break our spirits, you hear? NEVER!!
CROW: They haven't bult a cell yet that can hold me!
TOM: Though it take a thousand years, *we* *will* *be* *free*!!
[Deep 13]
DR. F: [confused] What's going on, here? No wisecracks? No "Dr.
Forrester wears army boots" signs?
[S. of L.]
[MIKE, TOM, and CROW immediately stop whining, straighten up, and are
completely nonchalant, if not bored]
MIKE: Actually, since we'd lost the Cable Ace award for best comedy three
years in a row, we thought we'd do some really hammy lines and try
to win "Best Serious Drama".
[Deep 13]
DR. F: Well, best of luck to you. Heaven knows MY bank account could
do with the few extra ratings points an Ace Award Winner would
bring in, too.
[S. of L.]
MIKE: So, if we win, can we skip this week's experiment?
[Deep 13]
DR. F: Of course not, you nitwit. However, as a special bonus, Fred, I've
decided to fix up Ron Bert's line-wrapping problems. Be assured,
though, that this doesn't diminish the pain in any way.
[S. of L.]
[Lights flash and buzz angrily]
MIKE: Oh no, we've got DRIVEL SIGN!!
CROW: [bawling] BAAAAAW haw haw haw haw haw hawwwwww!!!
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vault door
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>Article 61206 (1758 more) in sci.astro:
>From: ronal...@aol.com (RonaldB312)
>(SAME) Subject: The Universe is One Wavicle - 2
>Date: 14 May 1995 15:24:55 -0400
>Organization: America Online, Inc. (1-800-827-6364)
>Lines: 525
TOM: Oh, no, this is even longer than Part 1!
MIKE: Well, maybe it's the line count *before* Dr. F. undid all of his
auto-line-wrapping.
CROW: Ah, in that case, the real line count should be down to around 7.
>NNTP-Posting-Host: newsbf02.mail.aol.com
>
>
>Part 2 of 2
>Now let's talk about beyond infinity.
TOM: Infinity plus 1?
MIKE: That would be Lexus.
CROW: Oh, like YOU'D ever get to drive one of those, mister Minimum Wage!
> Many of us have heard of the
>theoretical Tachyon that is a concept of faster than light. Well, what
>about the concept of slower than light?
TOM: You mean, tardyons?
> I call it a theoretical
>Blackyon.
CROW: You would!
MIKE: Oh, why don't you just discard ALL the words we already have for
concepts!
TOM: Yeah, just call physics "Wonkanastics" and math "Gravy Trainology",
why don'tcha!
> This Blackyon/Tachyon realm is of value to us. Being that we
>exist in the 1st dimension, the 2nd dimension is in constant contact with
>us. The Blackyon/Tachyon concept is of this 2nd dimension.
TOM: Guys, this has *got* to be a troll.
>
> IMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM;
> : Blackyon/Tachyon Mathematics :
> IMMMMMMMMMMMMM<MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMHMMMMMMMMMMMMMM;
> : :
> : Blackyon = Minus Infinity Minus the Absolute Value of X* :
> : :
> : Tachyon = Positive Infinity Plus the Absolute Value of X* :
> : :
> : :
> : * X being any real number except zero :
> LMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM9
CROW: I guess if you let X be zero, the universe explodes, right?
TOM: No, just your blackyons.
MIKE: Good, 'cause I've had this blackyon on my cheek for weeks and
Clearasil doesn't seem to get rid of it.
> : :
> : ZDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD? :
> : 3 Tachyon Realm 3 :
> : 3 "Faster Than Light" 3 :
> : 3 3 :
> : 3 ZDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD? 3 :
> : 3 3 3 3 :
> : 3 3 GravitationalElectroMagnetic = GEM 3 3 :
> : 3 3 3 3 :
> : 3 3 ZDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD? 3 3 :
> : 3 3 3 Blackyon Realm 3 3 3 :
> : 3 3 3 "Slower than Light" 3 3 3 :
> : 3 3 @DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDY 3 3 :
> : 3 3 3 3 :
> : 3 3 "Our Universe of Light" 3 3 :
> : 3 3 3 3 :
> : 3 @DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDY 3 :
> : 3 3 :
> : @DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDY :
TOM: You forgot a teeny weeny box in the center labelled "Bert's Brain".
CROW: The giant box on the outside is his ego, right?
> : :
> : IMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM; :
> : : |Blackyon| = |Tachyon| : :
> : HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM< :
> HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM<
>
> The Tachyon and Blackyon concepts are of a Black-Hole, or Quantum
> Foundation nature. The Quantum Foundation of our universe is Darkness.
MIKE: Ah, dark sucker theory. Where light bulbs don't emit light, they
suck away the ambient darkness.
CROW: Don't laugh, it explains that big "dark" spot in light bulbs when
they burn out.
> Whether Tachyonish, or Blackyonish, the Black-hole only has two sides.
>
> IMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM;
> : Inside The Black-Hole :
> IMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM<MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMHMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM;
> : :
> : 1. Point of Light 2. Darkness :
> : ZDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD? ZDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD? :
> : 3 3 3 3 :
> : 3 3 3 3 :
> : 3 . 3 3 3 :
> : 3 3 3 3 :
> : 3 3 3 3 :
> : @DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDY @DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDY :
> : BACK FRONT :
> : :
> HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM<
TOM: Lemme guess, this is the same as asking which side of a chicken has
the most feathers, right?
>
>Black Holes, are certainly interesting 2nd dimensional phenomena.
CROW: Ronald Arthur Bert, has certainly used one too many commas in that
last sentence.
> There
>are two types of Black Holes, not unlike the Tachyon/Blackyon concept.
MIKE: You mean, some black holes move faster than light, and some black
holes move slower than light?
>Logic suggests that by common sense a Black Hole has two sides.
CROW: Bertonian logic, maybe.
TOM: Along wth Bertonian Common Sense.
MIKE: Can sense be "common" if only Bert has it?
> One side
>would be total darkness while the other would be a point of light. The
>Black Hole has been the center of a great deal of controversy. I have long
>believed that the center of every galaxy is in fact a Black Hole.
CROW: Uh oh. He believes in something that there's actual scientific
evidence for!
MIKE: Oh, *I* get it. Because he says that he's "long believed" in
something that turned out to be true, all the REST of his theories
should be accepted as gospel, right?
> In
>actuality, Black Holes are the brightest 1st dimensional heavenly bodies.
>Black Holes "hold" light.
CROW: Well, only until they can find a rest room.
> First dimensional light forever flows into and
>out of the second dimensional Black Hole be it below or above. I might
>point out that Super Nova's can become neutron stars and nebula, but, a
>Super Nova will never become a Black Hole.
MIKE: Uh, so, since supernovas don't turn into black holes as far as
we know, therefore black holes are continuously funnelling
"first dimensional light" through their "second dimension"?
TOM: Yep, pretty much.
> Again, I view Black Holes as
>the Universe's Quantum Foundation of Darkness.
TOM: I always thought they were more like the Universe's Quantum Foundation
and Empire.
CROW: Or the Universe's Quantum Prelude to Foundation.
MIKE: Or the Universe's Quantum Foundation for Law and Government.
TOM: Huh?
MIKE: You know, the "Foundation for Law And Government"? Didn't you ever
watch _Knight Rider_?
TOM: Not when I was sober, no.
>
>The Universe in which we live began as a flash of light. Ultimately, the
>Universe of light is a perfect sphere of light expanding at light speed.
>That is why spheres are natural occurring fundamental phenomena.
TOM: WHAT?!?!!
CROW: The universe is FULL OF spheres because it's SHAPED like a sphere?!
MIKE: By *that* reasoning, I should be filled with internal organs shaped
like little human beings.
> Motion
>is a constant* as NOW flows forward.
CROW: So, nothing ever changes speed, then.
TOM: Yep, pretty much.
MIKE: No *wonder* my Honda Civic had such lousy pick-up.
> The Open Infinity System. In short,
>I believe that our Universe initially exploded-imploded (Invaloomed)
TOM: <chuckle> <chuckle>
CROW: <titter-titter>
> as a
>point of light expanding into what I see as this Quantum Foundation of
>Darkness. In-between negative infinity and positive infinity is what we
>know as all finite matter-photon interactions ( Stars, planets, asteroids,
>etc., at relative time zero moving simultaneously into relative
>gravitationalelectromagnetic futures ). All real points are at relative
>zero centers. A bit abstract wouldn't you say?
TOM: [dripping sarcasm] NO!!!
> Easy though compared to
>explaining or understanding intergalactic gamma ray bursts (Pre-Quasars).
TOM: ... which have never been observed.
>Fact: The Universe began.
>
>* With Black-Hole exceptions
MIKE: [covers up CROW's beak] No, Crow, this is NOT a comment about the
National Organization of Women!
>
>
> IMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM;
> : The Universe is One Wavicle :
> IMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM<MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMHMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM ;
> : :
> : :
> : Tachyon :
> : :
> : Realm :
> : ZDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD? :
> : 3 3 :
> : 3 3 :
> : CDDDDDDDDDD? The 3 :
> : 3 3 GravitationalElectromagnetic (GEM) 3 :
> : 3 Blackyon 3 Wavicle; 3 :
> : 3 3 DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD/ 3 :
> : 3 Realm 3 It is The Present 3 :
> : 3 3 3 :
> : CDDDDDDDDDDY 3 :
> : 3 "Our Universe of Light" 3 :
> : 3 3 :
> : @DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDY :
> : :
> : :
> HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM <
CROW: Uh, so now, the "blackyon realm" is in a little box lying along
the subdivision between "GEM" and "it is the present", instead of
being in a little box lying COMPLETELY INSIDE the "GEM" box like
it was TWO LOUSY DIAGRAMS AGO?!?!!!
TOM: Ah, you begin to grasp the grandeur and mystery that is Bertonian
Mechanics! In the Bert System, physical laws can change *whenever
the author feels like it*!
>
>Ah, Words of deep meaning are fast and few; Love is the river of giving.
CROW: The banjo becomes angry at midnight. WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT
HAVE TO DO WITH YOUR STUPID PHYSICS?!?!!
>For instance, the word "YLEM" is probably foreign to most of us.
TOM: Well, only because *you just made it up*!!
> How do
>you pronounce it?; while Ylem is derived from Gk., Me., MFr., Ml.
CROW: M. I. C.
TOM: K. E. Y.
MIKE: \
TOM: > [singing] O. U. S. O. B. !
CROW: /
> Hylem,
>for pronunciation reasons and verbal convenience, we shall agree upon YELM,
>(Yell-um) as the word pronunciation for that primordial material substance
>from which all the elements have been derived (The initial neutrinos,
>electrons, protons, and neutrons, etc.). Origin of the Yelm?
MIKE: I thought it was spelled "ylem".
TOM: You see? Bertonian mechanics even works in the Spelling Realm!
>
>You may ask who am I to state all of these principles as fact and claim to
>be in a league with Albert Einstein? I do not claim to be Albert Einstein,
>or for that matter, even close to his unique abilities. My name is Ron
>Bert. I, as he, stand on the shoulders of others work with my own unique
>insight.
TOM: And let's hope your "insight" *stays* unique.
> I, as us all, am far from being perfect. I do however believe
>that Einstein missed these simple truths to the Universe not because he
>wasn't smart enough, but because not enough of the micro universe had been
>explained during his era.
CROW: It might also have something to do with the fact that you have
*absolutely no idea* what the term "dimension" means, Bert!
> To put it frankly, I think Einstein spent so
>much time figuring out finite photon matter interactions, that he simple
TOM: He simple!
MIKE: You Tarzan!
CROW: Me Grimlock!
>didn't have the energy left to let go and rediscover the absolute macro-
>universe and connect it to the micro; His was a converging universe.
>Einstein did want to discover the absolute foundation
MIKE: The long-awaited TWELFTH book in the Foundation trilogy!
> and his colleges
>scorned him for wasting his time, "looking for a unimaginable theory", when
>he could have been contributing to the work at hand.
CROW: My colleagues, they all laughed at me! They said it was impossible
to raise a man from the dead!! Mwa ha ha ha haaaa!!
> Einstein labored for
>this "Unified Field Theory". He said that the basic laws or Geometry that
>Govern the Universe should be Simple and Clean, with a minimal amount of
>equations. I listened to him during my pondering moments.
TOM: Uh, shouldn't that be "ponderous moments"?
> I respect
>Albert Einstein as a Father.
CROW: I was Elvis's love child!
>
>The Einstein-Minkowski Light Cones are a perfect example of Einstein's
>converging attitude (Not that he didn't think of diverging concepts) while
>he contemplated the universe. Two cones meet with their intersection
>called now. The bottom cone would be past influences that affected the now
>point. The top cone would represent future motion that could be affected
>by the now point at the speed of light. This Now point that Einstein was
>examining is of a negative infinity converging nature.
TOM: Negative inf-- d'oh, there you go again! You were almost making SENSE
there for a second, and then you went off the deep end again!!
MIKE: Relax, Tom, Bert making sense would've been even scarier.
> In the Open
>Infinity System in which we exist, we need to finish this geometry. If we
>were to draw a plane which contained all of the Einstein Now points, and
>transposed it in to one point at the apex of one cone, we would have the
>diverging diagram of the universe. I call it the Bert Light Cone.
CROW: Like a certain other poster called E=mc^2 the "Abian-Einstein
Equation"?
> It is
>one cone with the apex being NOW. This Now point represents the entire GEM
>Wavicle Universe
TOM: [singing] Gem! Gem is excitement, oo oo oo Gem! Gem is adventure!
Oh oh oh, glamour and glitter, fashion and fame, whoa-oh!
MIKE: I can't *believe* you remember those lyrics, Tom.
> as it flows forward into the Quantum Foundation of
>Darkness. This Bertonian Now point is of a positive infinity diverging
>nature.
MIKE: [feminine-pitched voice] Disgusting. HE'S positive and SHE'S
negative.
CROW: [low monotone voice] Then we'll move again.
MIKE: [same feminine voice as before] Oh, that might work for the next two
or three hundred years, but I want something *permanent*!
TOM: Hah! Ref THAT, readers!
> These two light cone concepts are the physical geometry of our
>universe, from negative infinity to positive infinity. The Contents of
>our Universe are Burning Light and Frozen Light Matter.
MIKE: Then shouldn't the burning light melt all the frozen light matter?
TOM: Our Universe of Slush. ... Naw, it'd never sing as a movie title.
>
>
> IMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM;
> : Frozen Light Matter :
> IMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM<MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMHMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM;
> : :
> : All physically contained mass with surface identity within :
> : the instantaneous NOW Light Universe. It is also known as :
> : parabolic light which has an inward curvature. We could :
> : say that Frozen Light Matter is the Universe's Instantaneous :
> : Forming Crystal; all physical molecular structure. :
> : :
> HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM<
CROW: ... forming CRYSTAL?!?!
>
> IMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM;
> : Burning Light Matter :
> IMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM<MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMHMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM;
> : :
> : All photon energy in transit within the Instantaneous Now :
> : Light Universe. It is also known as hyperbolic light which :
> : has an outward curvature. We could say that Burning Light :
> : Matter is all reflections in and between solid matter now. :
> : :
> HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM<
TOM: Reflections off all that forming crystal, I suppose.
>
> IMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM;
> : Frozen Light Matter + Burning Light Matter = GEM Wavicle :
> HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM<
>
>
>As we are exposed to Physics, many of us learn about the 3 Laws of
>Thermodynamics. Three semesters later we are told about the forth law
>which has conveniently been called the Zeroth Law.
MIKE: I thought those were the laws of Robotics.
> The following is the
>Five Laws we need to know concerning Thermodynamics in the realm of Frozen
>and Burning Light Matter:
>
>
> IMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM;
> : Five Laws of Thermodynamics :
> IMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM<MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMHMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM;
> : :
> : 0th - Approaching Thermal Equilibrium. :
TOM: "Approaching" thermal equilibrium? How the heck can those three
words, which don't even form a whole STATEMENT for crying out loud,
be a "law" of ANYTHING!
> : :
> : 1st - Real Energy and Matter are Conserved. :
CROW: *That* law looks right.
> : :
> : 2nd - The Universe is cooling off; Entropy. :
TOM: ... Well, close enough for government work.
> : :
> : 3rd - Lowest temperature is at -273.16 degrees Celsius, :
> : 0 degrees Kelvin. :
MIKE: Okay, we're with ya so far.
CROW: That's 3 he's gotten right in a row.
TOM: I wonder what the next one's going to be.
> : :
> : 4th - Energy and Matter can be focused at all points :
> : except at Black Hole Cores. :
> : :
> : :
> HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM<
MIKE: \
TOM: > Bzzzzzt!
CROW: /
TOM: Oh, I *knew* his sanity couldn't last!
MIKE: What do you suppose he means by "focused"?
CROW: Uh, sent through a lens or bounced off a curved mirror?
TOM: Uh huh, but how do you "focus" matter?
MIKE: You can if it's an Obvious, Accessible Focus.
TOM: Mike, that was *really* obscure!
MIKE: I used to be into role-playing games, alright guys?
>
>
> In defining the concept of "ONE", many things can be considered single
> whole identities within themselves. Any real number can be halved in
> to a new single "One" identity.
TOM: Ah, I get it, sort of like how you can't have "half a rock".
CROW: Bertonian mathematics: Half of 3/4 isn't 3/8, it's 1.
TOM: Not very "useful" mathematics, is it?
> This following equation points out
> that ONE, in it's truest form, can only exist just below Positive
> Infinity, or just above zero (Negative Infinity).
MIKE: But didn't you say in Part 1 that both plus AND minus infinity were
the same as zero?
>
> IMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM;
> : There are only Two One's :
> IMMMMMMM<MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMHMMMMMMM;
> : :
> : 1 :
> : 1 = ____________ :
> : :
> : lim X :
> : :
> : :
> : as X approaches ZERO or INFINITY :
> : :
> : :
> HMMMMMMMMM;MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMIMMMMMMMMMM<
> : Quantum Mathematics :
> HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM<
TOM: Okay, let's see, in "real" math, 1/infinity would be, uh, zero, and
1/0 would be (uh ... seventeen, forty-six, hundred and seventy-seven)
uh, infinity.
CROW: But in Bertonian Quantum Mathematics, they're both 1. And they're
the only two 1's in existence.
MIKE: And since 1/0 = 1, by substitution, (1/0)/0 = 1 also.
TOM: As does (1/0)/infinity and (1/infinity)/0.
CROW: I thought one-over-zero-over-infinity was twelve.
MIKE: No, silly, it's 42.
>
>
> IMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM;
> : Light's Point Separation Theory :
> IMMMMMM<MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMHMMMMMMM;
> : :
> : Absolute Time = Absolute Space :
> : :
> HMMMMMMMM;MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMIMMMMMMMMM<
> : Quantum Physics Foundation :
> HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM<
>
>This previous equation explains the absolute volume of the universe at time
>Now.
CROW: Uh huh. The ... absolute volume of the universe right now is ...
uh ... is whatever time it is in absolute time.
TOM: If by "absolute time" he means "seconds since the big bang", shouldn't
the volume of the universe be Absolute time CUBED?
MIKE: ... times c?
CROW: [rolls his ping-pong-ball eyes] Cosmologists. You guys are weird.
> It also is the base to an unlimited subset of equations that lead to
>Differential Matrix Theory.
MIKE: That's the theory about class struggle through bourgeois calculus,
right?
TOM: No, I think he wrote that one BEFORE he and Engels published the
Communist Manifesto.
> Without the absolute considerations, and in
>it's simplest form, the following equation applies in a finite universe:
>
> IMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM;
> : Light's Volume Separation Theory :
> IMMMMMMM<MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMHMMMMMMM;
> : :
> : 2 :
> : Space = Time * c :
> : :
> : :
> HMMMMMMMMM;MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMIMMMMMMMMMM<
> : Quantum Physics :
> HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM<
TOM: Okay, let's check his units, guys.
MIKE: "Space equals time c-squared." "Space" should be distance cubed.
CROW: "Time" should be, well, time.
TOM: And c^2 should be distance squared over time squared. So, we've
got "cubic meters" on the left side of the equals sign, and "square
meters per second" on the right side. I smell a rat.
MIKE: Ah, but you forget, this is the Bertonian definition of Space and
Time, where space and time combined form one single dimension.
CROW: So, space by itself would be, what, 3/4 of a dimension, then?
>
>Variables of relative space, volume, relative density, inversion points, the
>speed of light, and relative time are involved while examining the road of
>Differential Matrix Theory. As one science project after another is being
>canceled and the National debt is going up, I suggest that we are missing
>one of nature's most abundant gifts; "Universal Infinite Pressure".
MIKE: Remember, "gentle pressure".
> This
>source of infinite energy will be extracted or utilized through energy
>crystals (Photon Reactors).
CROW: [Bronx accent] AGAIN with the crystals!
> Absolute light is the fuel for these inverted
>mirrors of the Universe. With the previous basics defined, it only is a
>matter of "time" before a solution to a particular problem could be
>obtained. Power output, adsorption factors, cold or hot, size, are all
>considerations in deciding what it is you want the finished product
>(Crystal) to do;
TOM: What IS this guy's hang-up with crystals?
MIKE: I think if you put them in a pyramid when your planet is in the
house of Capricorn, a UFO brings Bigfoot to your doorstep and
gives you spoon-bending powers.
TOM: Uh, you forgot to mention Elvis.
> you have to ask, what performance do you want or the
>utilitarian value to be? Setting Goals as the first issue and then
>designing the computer simulation
CROW: How do you simulate "blackyons in a box next to it-is-the-present"?
> will be easier than the actual apparatus
>and composite material that will make it work. It is Frozen Light Matter
>and Burning Light Matter that have to be in harmony for these Crystal Photon
>Reactors to work. The first one we produce will be the result of The
>Crystal Backfire Experiment.
MIKE: That sounds like a PERFECT title for this post, Bert!
> I envision the Crystal Backfire Experiment
>taking place in the umbra of the Earth during a solar eclipse. The Photon
>Reactor has a solidified surface with a differential rotation down to the
>core. Energy crystals (Photon Reactors) are a modified form of the Black
>Hole concept.
CROW: [Geordi LaForge voice] If we can quantum-polarize the phase-
modulated static warp shell plasma conduits, we can neutralize
the tachyon array's subspace harmonic soliton wave and hopefully
negate the ambivulent bivationary falvebarms!
TOM: [Picard voice] Make it so.
> We should tap this infinite energy source of light without
>delay while our culture is still intact. Radioactive Fission Reactors will
>become obsolete.
MIKE: All those non-radioactive fission reactors, though, will be just as
crucial to Our Nation's Solar System as they are now.
>
>By incorporating these previous concepts into our world of manufacturing
>and construction, be it in my life-time or after, it will give human-kind
>the means to technologically revitalize or destroy this planet; I would
>hope the first prevails and we continue on with opportunities for
>greatness. Time and resources are not on our side with our present level
>of technology and understanding. We need to develop Atmospheric Voltage
>Pumping Stations and Orbiting Amp Transfer Stations (OATS).
CROW: THAT'S what th author needs!
MIKE: What?
CROW: To feel more of his wild OATS!
> We need a
>central information system which can network medical discoveries to all
>cities.
TOM: And WHAT, pray tell, do medicine and information networks have to do
with Orbital Voltage Death Machines?
> This science will open avenues for centuries of projects. Which
>ones we pursue first I hope that common sense will guide those of us that
>will decide the times, with benefits for the people and the planet, and
>not the individual.
MIKE: If no individuals get any benefits out of it, how can it "benefit
the people"?
TOM: Simple. "The People" means "Anyone but you." Basic tax-collector
terminology.
> The first and second projects I believe to be
>undertaken are straight forward and easy to understand. A revolutionary new
>type of Memory Storage (One Piece) and Power Generation Crystals. I call
>for this order because I believe it is easier to absorb than desorb the edge
>of the universe.
TOM: "Desorb". Uh ... yeah.
>
>
> Human Words are the Easiest Thing to Misunderstand for all Living Earth
> People. We Search for the Truth with Words.
CROW: Dead Earth People, on the other hand, never misunderstand human
words at all.
>
>
>" The new frontier of which I speak is not a set of promises - it is a set
> of challenges. It sums up not what I intend to offer to the American
> people, but what I intend to ask of them ...it appeals to our pride, not
> our security - it holds out the promise of more sacrifice instead of more
> security. - All this will not be finished in the first one hundred days.
> Nor will it be finished in the first one thousand days, not in the life
> of this administration, nor even perhaps in our lifetime on this planet."
> - John F. Kennedy (1917-1963).
TOM: Uh, Bert, Kennedy was talking about civil rights and going to the
moon, not about Blackyons.
>
>" There is a revolution coming. It will not be like revolutions of the
> past. It will originate with the individual and with culture, and it
> will...not require violence to succeed...its ultimate creation will be a
> new and enduring wholeness and beauty - a renewed relationship of man to
> himself, to other men, to society, to nature, and to the land. "
> - Charles Reich.
TOM: Hey, didn't that *other* Reich fellow also talk about some similar
kind of revolution?
MIKE: You mean Steve Reich?
TOM: No, no, I mean --
CROW: Steve Wright?
TOM: No no NO! Wilhelm!
CROW: Who?
TOM: Wilhelm. Wilhelm Reich.
MIKE and CROW: Who??
TOM: [Handy the Hand Puppet voice] Read a book!!
>
>" A revolution is coming - a revolution which will be peaceful if we are
> wise enough; compassionate if we care enough; successful if we are
> fortunate enough - but a revolution which is coming whether we will it
> or not. We can affect its character; we cannot alter its inevitability. "
> - Robert F. Kennedy (1925-1968).
>
>" A revolution does not march in a straight line. It wanders where it
> can, retreats before superior forces, advances wherever it has room,
> attacks whenever the enemy retreats or bluffs and, above all, is
> possessed of enormous patience. " - Mao Tse-Tung (1893-1976).
>
>" Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent
> revolution inevitable. Mankind must put an end to war, or war will put
> an end to mankind. " - John F. Kennedy (1917-1963).
TOM: Guys, that's five successive quotes about "Revolution". You suppose
Bert is trying to tell us something?
CROW: Yeah, that his head is revolving too fast!
>
>" We need to devise a system within which peace will be more rewarding
> than war. " - Margaret Mead (1901-1978).
>
>" In every revolution, there is one man with a vision. "
> - James T. Kirk of the Starship Enterprise. (timeless).
MIKE: Oh, *that*'s not timeless, it's from Star Trek six, stardate 95__._.
TOM and CROW: Fanboy! Faaaaaanboy!
>
>
> The Bertonian Revolution.
MIKE: They laughed at Copernicus! They laughed at Tesla! They laughed
at Bozo! Well, NO ONE is laughing now! WAH ha ha ha ha haaa!!
>
> If you are a scientist, this has been a good beginning
> if it has made you question new paths, ponder new lights.
CROW: Ooohhh ... pretty pretty lights ...
> Follow your dreams and confront the horizon. Let's make a better future.
>
> This base science is being developed in order to focus the edge of the
> universe through absorbing or desorbing crystals. There is more.
> I am alone.
MIKE: \
TOM: > I wonder why!
CROW: /
>
>
> Internet # Ronal...@aol.com
>
> Voice 0 - 700 - RON - BERT
> (0 - 700 - 766 - 2378)
TOM: His phone number starts with a ZERO?
MIKE: Must be one of those operator-only "700" numbers.
CROW: Oh NO, you mean Bert's a member of the 700 Club too?!
>
>
> Ronald Arthur Bert
> Planet Earth
TOM: Star system Sol.
CROW: Star cluster somethin'-or-other.
MIKE: Galaxy Milky Way.
TOM: Galactic supercluster Virgo.
CROW: Universe--
MIKE: --Not OURS, that's for sure!
> UNITED STATES of AMERICA
TOM: Ah, as opposed to the United States of Antarctica.
CROW: THIS guy more likely came from the United States of Mare Imbrium.
> 20th century
>
>wavicle.ron
>
MIKE: Last one out the door is a rotten egg!
CROW: I *already* feel like a rotten egg.
...
vault door
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2
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3
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4
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5
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6
...
TOM: You know, it's sometimes refreshing to realize that not everyone
shares the same views on the origin and nature of the universe.
MIKE: Huh?
CROW: He means, we don't all believe in the Big Bang.
MIKE: Oh.
TOM: Yes, the Norse -- or was it the Romans -- used to believe that the
Earth was supported by four elephants on the back of a giant
turtle that swam forever in an endless sea.
CROW: Hence, the inspiration for Gamera.
TOM: According to Hindu tradition, the universe has ballooned outward
and shrank down to a point and expanded back out again many, many
times since the Dawn of Creation.
CROW: And according to Western myth, the Universe began when God, uh,
flipped on the light switch.
TOM: Exactly! And now, we have Ronald Arthur Bert's model of existence
to add to the parade!
MIKE: And his model of existence is ... ?
TOM: Uh ... lemme see ... okay, he said "The universe began", right?
So, that puts it out of the league of Alfven's plasma universe and
into the same category as modern Big Bang cosmology....
MIKE: Uh huh...
TOM: The universe is also supposed to be one-dimensional--
CROW: *Two*-dimensional.
TOM: Two dimensional, yeah yeah, that's right. Oh, but WE only get to
interact with one dimension of it.
MIKE: Except if you have a black hole.
TOM: Except if you have a black hole.
CROW: Or have a differentially-rotating crystal reactor thingy.
TOM: Except if you have a black hole, or a Magic Photon Reactor.
MIKE: And aren't blackyons supposed to straddle the past and the present?
TOM: No, they straddle the it-is-the-present, and the gravi-electro-
magnetic wave particle realm of ... of ... OH, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!
BERT'S COSMOS COULDN'T EVEN CONFIRM THE EXISTENCE OF A HAM SAMMICH!
OH, WHY GOD, WHY-Y-Y-Y-Y!!
MIKE: Whadaya think, sir?
[Deep 13]
DR. F: [with his hand to his chin] Hmmm ... I think I've been in the
wrong business all this time, conducting my experiments in secret.
[S. of L.]
MIKE: \
TOM: > What?!
CROW: /
[Deep 13]
DR. F: Yes. I could spread FAR more evil into the world by concocting
my OWN hair-brained theory-to-explain-everything. A few more
diatribes like the post you just read, and the scientific
establishment will cruble! Then *I* shall rise from its ashes,
all powerful, all knowing, and all detergent!! Now then, I'll
need a theory. ... Hmmm.... Joseph Newman's universe was based
on particles that spin at the speed of light. ... Alexander
Abian's reality was based on the knowtion that everything that
exists must have mass, even if the "thing" that exists is time
or distance or Abian's brain. ... Ronald Arthur Bert's cosmos
was based on empty new-age metaphors. ... Ah! I'm going to
claim that THE UNIVERSE IS MADE ENTIRELY OF DONUTS! Why, the
Homer Simpsons of the world will love this theory SO much that
their voting power shall wipe all the others off the face of
human knowledge!
[S. of L.]
MIKE: [thoroughly uncomfortable] Sir, did I ever tell you you were ... evil?
[Deep 13]
DR. F: Until next time, Mink -- when I'll have another Ratliff fanfic for
you to chow down upon. Uh, push the button, Fr-- ... Oh. Heh
heh. That's right. Uh, push the button, me.
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POHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
HEAD WRITER: tra...@best.com
WRITER'S OTHER ADDRESSES: rog...@minerva.robadome.com, tra...@zoom.com
BASED ON MATERIAL PRODUCED BY: ronal...@aol.com (Ronald Arthur Bert)
(used without permission)
UNITED SERVO ACADEMY MEN'S CHORUS BY: Kevin Murphy and the Kevins
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE'S PLAYS BY: Sir Francis Bacon
MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 PRODUCED BY: Best Brains, Inc.
COPYRIGHT (C) 1995 BY SOMEONE WITH WAY TOO MUCH TIME ON HIS HANDS.
WRITTEN IN SHADOWRAMA.
KEEP CIRCULATING THE FTP SITES.
> Well, what
>about the concept of slower than light? I call it a theoretical
>Blackyon.
--
tra...@best.com (Jeff Boeing) - A.K.A. - rog...@robadome.com (Roger M. Wilcox)
----------------- I'm not flying fast, just orbiting low ---------------------
MSTie #38808 | Quick-N-Dirty Aviation
| "Trading altitude for airspeed since 1992"