MiSTed - The Case of the Beast With the Red Kryponite Vest (1/1)
Bill Livingston
large, leather-bound book]
MIKE: [Speaking as he writes] "...ten different kinds of cheese."
Fantastic! Boy, this is a lot easier than I thought!
[Crow and Tom enter]
CROW: Hi Mike. Whatcha doin'?
MIKE: Oh, hey guys. Nothing much, just working on my book.
TOM: Oh.
CROW: Ah.
[pause]
TOM: No, c'mon, seriously - what're you up to?
MIKE: I *am* serious, Tom. I'm writing a book.
CROW: [guffaws] *You*?!? An *author*?!?
TOM: Get real, Nelson!
MIKE: No, really. And not to sound too immodest, but I think it's a
darn spiffy little book! When we finally get back to earth, it'll
make me a fortune.
CROW: Hmmmmmm - [to Tom] Y'think?
TOM: Hell, why not - stranger things have happened. So what is this
breathless literary work, the great American novel?
CROW: Something cashing in on the "Harry Potter" craze?
TOM: Another dreary "Star Wars" novelization?
CROW: A text version of "Where's Waldo"?
TOM: "Chicken Soup for the Doofus's Soul"?
CROW: A guide to really bad movies?
MIKE: Nonono, it's a book of poetry.
CROW: Poetry?
MIKE: Well, haikus, actually.
TOM: Haikus.
MIKE: Right. And they're all about Wisconsin.
CROW: Wisconsin.
MIKE: Yep. Neat, huh?
TOM: Let me get this straight - you've written a book that's nothing but
haikus about the state of Wisconsin.
MIKE: Uh-huh.
CROW: [pause] Mike, that - that - that is the most BRILLIANT idea for
a book I've ever heard!
TOM: Outstanding! You're a true visionary, my friend!
MIKE: Really? Y'think?
CROW: Absolutely! We'll make a mint off of this!
MIKE: Thanks, I really - wait, what do you mean "we"?
CROW: Well, you gotta have an agent, y'know.
TOM: And, of course, a publicist.
MIKE: Guys, I...
CROW: No, please, Mike, I know you appreciate it, but I couldn't
possibly take any more than 50% of the gross.
TOM: The same goes for me. Not a penny over half.
MIKE: Ummmm, well...
CROW: Great! Now, let's hear some of your work, you mad genius you!
TOM: Wisconsin haikus! Man, those hack writers Clancy and Grisham and
King are gonna kick themselves for not thinking of this first!
MIKE: Okay, here's my first one. *ahem*:
Under serene starlight,
I dream of verdant dairy fields.
Wisconsin! Woooo, Packers!
TOM: Huh.
CROW: Well, then.
MIKE: Whattaya think? Great, huh?
CROW: Hmmmmm, not bad, but - I dunno, something seems...
TOM: Off.
CROW: Yeah, off.
MIKE: Really?!
CROW: Maybe it's just me. Try another one.
MIKE: [flips pages] Okay. Ummm - ah! This is one of my favorites:
Milwaukee fills my soul
Like a rerun of "Happy Days".
Hail, UW-Stout!
CROW: I dunno - I mean, it's nice and all, but there's still something
not quite right about it.
TOM: [mumbling] hail-u-doub-le-u-stout. Uh-oh!
MIKE: What?
TOM: Mike, I hate to pick nits, but you *do* know what a "haiku" is,
right?
MIKE: Sure, it's a form of Japanese verse with a 6-8-6 syllable form
for a total of 18 syllables.
TOM: Okay, first, you *do* know 6+8+6 equals 20, not 18?
MIKE: [Uncertainly] Well, I admit I didn't quite understand that part,
but I figured it had something to do with Synergy or something.
CROW: Just out of curiosity, Nelson, where did you get your information
about haikus?
MIKE: I found this whole big article about them on our computer -
that's what inspired me in the first place.
TOM: [sighs] You mean the computer with the bug, right? The one the
Nanites still haven't got around to fixing?
MIKE: Yeah, but that shouldn't affect this...
CROW: Mike - do you remember what that particular bug does?
MIKE: Sure, it adds one to every number it displayed. That's why I
don't use it for - math - problems... D'OH!!!!!
[As Mike begins swatting himself in the head with the large leather-
bound book, the message lights begins to flash]
TOM: Poor sap.
CROW: Once again, technology sabotages the artistic process.
TOM: Uh-oh. Heads up, fellas, it's Elizabeth Barrett and the Brownings.
[CASTLE FORRESTER - Pearl & crew are wielding what look like portable
leaf blowers. Various small objects (spoons, books, clocks, a Pokemon
ball, a Furby, etc.) are floating around their heads, and eerie moaning
and groaning can be heard in the background.]
PEARL: Mike - hate to interrupt your little bout of self-flagellation,
but we got a situation down here.
OBSERVER: It appears, all application of logic to the contrary, that the
ancestral abode of the Forrester family is home to some sort
of malevolent ephemeral disembodied intellect.
PEARL: In English, what the Brain means is, we're haunted!
[SOL]
CROW: Haunted?!?
MIKE: By who?
TOM: Or... by what?
[CF]
PEARL: How the hell should I know?!? I think...
FURBY: [vague cooing sounds]
PEARL: GAAAH! [swatting the Furby away] Blasted little beast! Anyway,
my first instinct was that it was just Apeboy snoring again.
BOBO: Hey! I don't snore! Do I?
PEARL: But since it's apparently not, if I *had* to guess, I'd say it's
likely great-great-grandmother Mehitabel Forrester - she never
liked having company over. Plus, she snored like a buzzsaw, too.
BOBO: I don't *really* snore, do I? I mean, my upper respiratory tract
is as clean as - Aaaaaaahh!!!!!! It's - it's horrible! Simply
HORRIBLE!!!!
PEARL: What?!? Where?
OBSERVER: Did you see the ghost?!?
BOBO: [rubbing his shoe up and down his leg] No no, it's this blasted
foot fungus I have - it itches something terrible!
PEARL: [Solicitously] Ooh, poor baby. Maybe it would help if you tried
a Dr. Shoal's brand PROTON PACK!! [Pearl whaps Bob's foot with
the leaf blower]
BOBO: OWOWOWOW - say, that does seem to help, Lawgiver. Another please?
PEARL: Save it! Anyway, while we figure out what's going on down here,
we're sending you your own little mystery to plod through. Tell
'em about, Brain Guy.
OBSERVER: It's a semi-coherent Scooby-Doo/Superman crossover story, written
by one of Pearl's favorite fellow mad scientists, Doctor Thinker!
PEARL So here's slime in your eyes, Satellite-Boys!
POKEMON BALL: Pika pika!
ALL: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! (All three begin discharging their "proton
packs", which are full of what appears to be semi-gelatinous goop,
at each other in panic]
[SOL]
All: Ewwwwwwwwww!!!! [lights and buzzer] OH NO! WE GOT THINKER SIGN!!!
[Chaos, doors, etc.]
[6] {5} (4) <3> |2| O
[All enter]
MIKE: How'm I gonna chop a syllable out of each line?
CROW: With an ax, I'm guessing.
>##################################
> Scoody-Doo/Superman
[All pause for a second]
CROW: So - *Scoody*-Doo, then, not *Scooby*-Doo.
MIKE: Maybe Scoob's out on strike, and this is his fill-in.
TOM: Nah, in that case, he'd be *Scabby*-Doo.
MIKE: So soon with the bad puns, Servo?
TOM: Hey, it's a defense mechanism, okay? Deal with it!
> In
> "The Case of the Beast With the Red Kryponite Vest"
MIKE: The Night of the Bloodbeast With the Red Kryponite Vest?
TOM: No, it's more like the War of the Colossal Beast With the Red
Kryponite Vest.
CROW: Actually, it's the Track of the Moonbeast With the Red
Kryponite Vest.
> by Dr. Thinker
>
TOM: Hey Doc, it hurts when I do this.
MIKE: Take two mismatched series, write a confusing fanfic about them,
and call me in the morning.
>For this to work following the must to know.
CROW: For this to read word structure the must to decipher try.
> This story
>takes place in the Sliver Age, 1972.
CROW: I thought the Sliver Age was when Sharon Stone lived in a
building full of peeping toms.
TOM: Hey!
CROW: Nothing personal.
> Scoody-Doo has yet to
>Scrappy-Doo.
TOM: Ah, this *is* the good old days!
> (I know a lot of people hate his mutt,
CROW: Um, was that a pun?
MIKE: Mmm, dunno. It's kinda hard to tell with Doc.
> but I
>like him.)
TOM: Great Rao! He *is* mad!
> Superman has all of his powers
CROW: Even the silly ones, like super-mapfolding and graphite vision.
> and stills works
>at the "Daily Planet".
>
MIKE: "Old Perry White" brand moonshine - a few drinks and *you'll* be
seeing Great Caesar's Ghost, too.
>The Sliver SUPERMAN and related charactersis owned by DC.
CROW: Proudly 100% Mutant-Free since 1939!
>Hanna-Banana ownes Scooby-Doo and his friends.
ALL: [singing] Yes, we Hanna-Bananas,
We Hanna-Bananas today!
>
>
>
> ################
> CASE 986120
ALL: HIKE!
> FILE BY VELMA DINKEY
CROW: It's the V-Files!
MIKE: [Mulder] This I just refuse to believe! I'm outta here!
TOM: "Dinkey"?
> MYSTERY, INC.
>
MIKE: Coming up next: "Jabberjaw" and "Hong Kong Phooey"!
>I thought our team-ups with Batman and Robin were strange.
TOM: And they kind of puzzled the Dynamic Duo, too.
>Our strangest case stated a Superman ask on air for us to
>help a mysterious mysterious that even stumped.
CROW: Then station management fired Superman for broadcasting while
inebriated.
> Scoody-Doo
>and Shaggy jumped into the car.
TOM: The *car*?!? What happened to the Mystery Machine?
MIKE: They traded it in for an AMC Pacer. Much better gas mileage.
> Fred and Daphe were shocked
>as Scoody-Doo,
TOM: Daphne was so shocked she dropped her "n".
CROW: And when she bent over to pick it up, in that miniskirt...
MIKE: Oh no - that's not Daphne - it's SHAGGY!!!!
ALL: EWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!
> and told them it could be a monster that has
>Kryptonite eye or a magic wizard's ghost.
TOM: Or maybe even the magical ghostly eye of a monstrous
Kryptonite wizard!
CROW: Don't scoff. This is vintage 1960's Superman we're talking about
here - it could be *any* of those!
> Scoody-Doo laugh
>and tell even those those creature could and might excusie,
MIKE: Well, they might be hideous, terrifying monsters, but at least
they're *polite* hideous, terrifying monsters.
>Superman could kick then from the Earth to Pluto in lest
>then 10 nano-second.
CROW: Boy, how would *that* come out, I wonder - "Rurerman rould
rick ren rom Rearth ro Ruto in rest ran ren raroreconds"?
> I laughed.
>
MIKE: I cried.
TOM: I fell in love all over again.
>Later that day, they was a huge ray.
TOM: But ya doesn't has ta call them Johnson!
> It blasted right under
>the bridge we were traveling on. We thought our lives we
>been others,
CROW: Ah, they've been pre-reincarnated.
MIKE: The life of Alan from "Josie and the Pussycats" flashed
before Fred's eyes.
> but then we started to float.
TOM: Hoist the mains'l! Cast off lines! Set sail for the new world!
> We landed right
>in a park lot of a Dinner in Metroplis,
MIKE: Hi, will this be dine-in or float-out?
> then a creature
>paw come out.
TOM: [Hillbilly] Whut is it, Paw?
CROW: [Hillbilly] Fetch ma shotgun, Maw! Them durn kids'n their
dog is back agin!
> Scoody-Doo and Shaggy jump on Fred,
MIKE: Then they pantsed him and snickersnagged on him.
> but it's
>turn out the paw was a white dog with a yellow collar and
>red cape with a familar S sheild.
CROW: [Velma] Okay, so we thought it was a really huge, swollen,
misshapen paw.
> Scoody-Doo chat-chat with
>the dog.
MIKE: Maybe the chat-chat will help solve the mysterious mysterious.
TOM: Yeah, but only if you're from Walla-Walla or Pago Pago.
CROW: In the meantime, enjoy these musical selections from Duran
Duran, Mister Mister, Talk Talk and The The.
> Scoody-Doo told us the dog is Superman's pet dog,
>Krypto.
TOM: Good thing he did, otherwise they might have mistaken him for
one of the many *other* dogs flying around in Superman capes!
> Scoody-Doo hand him a few Scoody-Snacks for a thank
>you note, but Krypto didn't take it.
>
TOM: And it's today's Very Important Message!
CROW: Remember, kids - if a strange dog offers you something called
a "Scoody-Snack", just say no!
>Just then Krypto was called by female voice in the air.
MIKE: Okay, when your *dog* starts hearing voices, it's time to
just sell the house and move!
>It's turns out to Supergirl,
TOM: Doesn't it always?
> who tells us that she assuemes
>that we got lucky on all of cases, and she even doubts that
>we could save the caper that been puzzles Superman.
>
CROW: I knew there was a reason I liked Supergirl.
MIKE: You mean besides the fact that she's a gorgeous blonde in a
miniskirt who could crush you into a tiny little ball of
molybdenum with one hand?
CROW: Well, yeah.
>Just as we about to start a arguement with a famous
>superheroine,
TOM: On the left, the Scooby Gang! On the right, Kara Zor-El!
And you're in the CROSSFIRE!
> two reporters from the "Daily Planet"
>arrives. Jimmy Oslen and Lois Lane come in.
MIKE: Hey, two accomplished, well known journalists are here!
Oh, wait - never mind, it's just Superman's *pal* and his
*girlfriend*!
TOM & CROW: [Sounds of derision]
> Superman is
>waiting at the "Daily Planet" office. We run there at once.
TOM:[Shaggy] Like, shouldn't we ride over in the van instead,
fellas?
MIKE: [Fred] No time for that, ya drugged-out freak! Now run!
CROW: [Scoob] Rooby-Rooby-Rooooooo!
>Superman was standing on the wall.
TOM: [singing] All in all, he's just another stiff on the wall!
> It's seems that it had a
>few holes in. Scoody-Doo asked why the holes.
MIKE: They make the wall lighter and fluffier.
> Superman
>remarked that Supergirl tried to lightly lean against the
>wall last week, but the city builder are having a long talk
>in Metroplis City Hall and new zoning and hieght relation.
>
MIKE: Hah! I was wondering when someone would mine the untapped
comedy well of zoning regulations!
CROW: Nice to know Supes goes around casually insulting his cousin
like that.
>Superman told that recently appears of a strange creature
>that start a week ago.
CROW: He tried to get in on the IPO, but Flash beat him to it.
> It also had a Red Kryptonite vest
>that she could control it.
TOM: Not only that, it could also control the TV, DVD player and the
Waring Blender, too.
MIKE: The Universal Vest - the latest Tommy fashion line!
> If Superman comes with 2 inches
>of here, she will give a few months of Scoody-Dooites (Very
>cowardfully).
MIKE: Okay, time to dive into Thinker's Well of Context again.
TOM: Maybe he means if Supes arrives and brings 2 inches of, um,
of the place he's at now, Supergirl - or Lois - will join
the Scooby Gang for a few months?
MIKE: Or it may mean that if Superman gets within 2 inches of the
wall, Daphne or Velma moves in with him for a while. Crow?
CROW: Sorry, Nelson, I'm very cowardfully not touching this one.
> Superman asked us to save the Mysterious
>depistes opionision from Supergirl doesn't think us had the
>abbilties to sovle the mysterious, including me. Supergirl
>takes off. Superman
>
[All stand and applaud]
TOM: Brilliant! Absolutely smashing!
MIKE: Best use of dadaism I've seen all season!
CROW: Evocative of "Finnegan's Wake" at its most confounding!
>Just then Perry White enters. He's tells everyone, he found
>the Beast.
MIKE: Wisely, he had refused to take its mark on his hand or forehead.
> It was wrecking the printing press. Scoody-Doo
>did a hit and run on the best
TOM: The part of Scoody-Doo will be played by Halle Berry.
> and we follow. It's turns out
>the beast know the "Daily Planet" almost as well as
>Superman did,
CROW: Except he can never seem to find the sports section.
> and expect via a roof.
CROW: Well, that's only fair, I think.
MIKE: Yeah, you should expect a building the size of the "Daily Planet"
to have a roof on it.
TOM: Especially now that the city builder is having a long talk and
new zoning and hieght relation.
CROW: Good point.
> I dscover a beats on
>the helicopter planet by the lower.
>
TOM: [Velma] They were good beats, and I could dance to them. I gave
it a 94
>I decide on swip. To I want with Lois and Daphe to check 1-
>5.
TOM: Sa-a-a-a-a-ay... *wockachickawockachickawockachicka*
CROW: Oh, wow! Doc may have just written the BEST FANFIC EVER!
MIKE: [chuckling] Don't get your hopes worked up, guys.
> Scooby-Doo,
TOM: Who?
CROW: Yeah, what happened to Scoody-Doo?
> Shaggy, and Jimmy want to check up on the 5-
>9.
MIKE: They must've taken the morning train.
TOM: Or maybe they just tumbled out of bed and stumbled to the
kitchen.
> Fred and Superman check the last twice on clses. We
>didn't find any more clues, until Superman heard a noise.
CROW: But it was just a leaky faucet on American Samoa.
MIKE: [Supes] Sorry 'bout that - I forget to turn the old super-hearing
down sometimes.
>It's turns out to be Jimmy's signal decive,
CROW: Once again, Olsen deceives the Man of Steel.
> and we found
>Scooby-Doo, Shaggy, and Jimmy trying to get away from that
>Beast.
MIKE: They ran all the way to Yucca Flats.
TOM: Scoob on the moon. How did he get there?
> The last group since to familar to Superman, a
>strange red rock.
CROW: Kal-El and John Tesh, appearing live at Red Rock West, 7:00 PM
Thursday Night!
> "A freak version of Red Kryptonite. I
>give me the power to dislike a group of people.
MIKE: He's Super-Bigot!
CROW: John Rocker *IS* Clark Kent *IN* "Superman V: The Quest for
Whiteness"!
TOM: He fights a never-ending battle for truth, apartheid, and the
Confederate Way!
> The people were
>those at the 'Daily Planet'. I'm thought I tooked his to the Fortess."
>
MIKE: Krypto hocked it to get quick cash to feed his debilitating
6-bag-a-day "Beggin' Strip" habit.
>I ask for Superman to hubble with us.
TOM: So they built a faulty yet repairable space telescope.
CROW: Which Mike promptly killed.
MIKE: Oh, c'mon, I replaced it, didn't I?
TOM: You attached a transistor radio to a pair of bifocals, Mike.
MIKE: Well, I did the best I could with what I had, okay?
> Scoody-Doo didn't
>decide to join us until Krypto brought him Scooby Snacks.
CROW: And that's the ultimate lesson of Scooby-Doo - nothing's worth
doing unless someone bribes you to.
TOM: Later, Scooby-Doo was elected to Congress.
>All us hubbles up.
MIKE: [Fred] Wow! I can look *all* the way down Daphne's dress now!
CROW: [Shaggy] Like, I can see my favorite pizza place from here!
TOM: [Superman] And I can see clear out to the edge of the galaxy!
Oh wait, that's no big deal - I can do that anyway.
> Of course, the pain was simple.
TOM: Oh no, my friend - this pain is decidedly complex!
> The bait
>was Lois, Jimmy, Shaggy and Scoody-Doo.
CROW: They'd been hung on hooks, and smeared with Purina Beast Chow.
> Just as the beast
>meet the bait, Superman used his super-breath to blow the
>beast 5 rooms acroos,
MIKE: And since Superman's lunch was sardine and limburger on a garlic
Roll, the Beast really *is* down for the count!
> where Fred, Daphe had set green
>Kryptonite net.
>
TOM: GreenKryptonite.Net - 100 Megs of FREE webspace to qualified
supervillains.
CROW: E-mail webmas...@GreenKryptonite.Net and sign up now!
>"LET ME OUT OF THESE NET FOOLS!" the beast growled at us.
CROW: Net Fools?!? Oh no, They've trapped him in the "User Talkback"
section of AICN!
MIKE: What a horrible fate - even for a monster!
>Fred replied "As soon as I'm removed your fake head.
MIKE: Tragically, it turned out to be the monster's real head.
TOM: Fred is now serving 5-20 in the state pen on a conviction of
second degree beasticide.
> It
>turn out to be Supergirl, who was glowing a bit green.
CROW: I know how she feels.
> Fred
>removed the Kryptonite net, and
>Supergirl stand up.
TOM: [Supergirl, a la Jerry Seinfeld] And I mean, what is the deal
with this Kryptonian Spaceflight food? Is it food? Is it
Kryptonite? I mean, *I* can't tell a difference!
> "What happen? Last thing I remind was
>beening explosed to Red Kryptonite."
>
CROW: Tragically, her speech centers had been severely damaged by
Red K radiation.
>Superman and Fred told Supergirl what happen
TOM: And if we're lucky, maybe someday someone will do the same for us.
> but why did
>Supergirl pick us to dislike.
MIKE: I think she was just tired of seeing you on the Cartoon Network
18 hours a day.
> Supergirl told us she watch a
>newscast that ended with a special reported on Mystery Inc.
CROW: Cartoon Network foists lame Scooby Clones off as entertainment!
Film at Eleven!
>We jumped into the Mystery Machine and
>roll off as the sun raises.
>
[All hum "Happy Trails"]
> ##############################THE
>END#####################
>
TOM: Whoops! Looks like Doc's put on a few pounds on the old backside
there, heh heh!
MIKE & CROW: D'oh!
> Ok! I know his sounds silly,
TOM: His *what* sounds silly?
CROW: Superman's "Pee-Wee Herman" impression. It always breaks 'em
up down in Kandor.
> but hey, Scooby-Doo's
>shows are not know for being very serious.
MIKE: Except in France, where they're considered the epitome of
high drama.
>
> Signed
> Dr. Thinker
> The Worst Writter On the Web.
>
MIKE: Oh, that's a bit harsh.
CROW: Yeah, *John* Ritter's webpage is much worse than this.
TOM: Let's roll off as the sun raises, guys.
[All leave]
O |2| <3> (4) {5} [6]
[SOL - Bridge - Mike is again writing in his book]
MIKE: [Speaking as he writes] "...ten different cheese types." Hmmm -
I don't know, it just doesn't have the same ring to it.
TOM: [OS] Rooby-rooby-ROOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
[Tom & Crow zip onstage. Tom is outfitted as a dog, much the same as
he was for the "Dog & Bear" skit, except he looks vaguely Great Danish.
Crow is wearing a Superman outfit.]
TOM: Rello, rolks!
CROW: Great Krypton! We've got to - got to - Mike!
MIKE: What?
TOM: Geez, Nelson, go get the vest on!
MIKE: *sigh* I'm afraid to ask, but *now* what are you two on about?
CROW: Look, the story is over, right?
MIKE: Thankfully, yes. So?
CROW: So it's time for the big post-story Production Number.
TOM: Right. I'm Scooby Doo, Crow here is Superman, and you're the Beast
in the Red Kryptonite Vest.
CROW: And we all sing a song parody based on Disney's "Be Our Guest".
[singing] Beast with vest, beast with vest, he never uses Crest...
MIKE: First off, we've already parodied that song - *twice*, if I recall
correctly. Secondly, if you guys wanted me to do a big production
number, you could've at least asked first. Thirdly, your lyrics
don't scan all that well to the tune. And lastly - no. Just no.
CROW: C'mon, Mike, you gotta!
MIKE: Actually - no, I don't. I don't even like vests. They make me
look chunky.
TOM: Look, how about if we let you be Superman?
CROW: WHAAAAT?!?
MIKE: Hmmmmmmmm...
CROW: Hey, *I* called dibs on Superman!
TOM: Crow! Ix-nay!
CROW: B-b-but...
MIKE: Naw. I appreciate it, but I'm really just interested in getting
these corrections done here.
TOM: Oh! Um, heh, okay, ho-o-o-ow about a quick game of chess?
MIKE: No, I'm -
CROW: Croquet? Monopoly?
TOM: Risk? AD&D?
CROW: Fizzbin?
TOM: Calvinball?
MIKE: Look, guys, I don't know what the deal is, but I really, really
want to work on my Wisconsin haiku book, okay?
TOM: (sigh) I guess we should tell him.
MIKE: Tell me what?
CROW: We checked the Best Seller's List at amazon.com a few minutes ago.
Guess what the top best sellers are?
MIKE: I dunno, "Harry Potter and the Beast in the Red Kryp-"
TOM: Potter's old news, Mike. Take a look at this.
MIKE: [pulls a printout from beneath the console] The number two best
seller - wait, where's the number *one* best seller? [The bots
just stare at Mike] Oh, yeah, the bug. Okay then, the number
*one* best seller is - oh no!
TOM: Oh yes. "The Trial of the Wisconsin Haiku Jamboree" by John Grisham.
CROW: Followed by "The 5-7-5 Haunting of Eau Claire" by Stephen King,
"Techno-Cheese Haikus" by Tom Clancy, "The Haikus of Milwaukee" by
Robert James Waller, and "Leonard Maltin's Movie, Video and
Wisconsin Haiku Guide".
TOM: Looks like you missed the fad boat again, Nelson.
CROW: Yeah, I hear King's already signed a movie deal for his book.
MIKE: Great! The only time I'm ahead of the culture curve, and I get
sabotaged by a kludgy computer.
CROW: Not to mention being stuck in space.
MIKE: [Groans and buries face in his book]
CROW: Oh, buck up, Mike - it's not that bad.
TOM: Yeah, snap out of it. Read 'em the thing, that'll cheer you up.
MIKE: [Not even looking up] No. I don't feel like it.
CROW: Aw, c'mon, ya big huge baby!! [British] It's your duty, man!
MIKE: [With his head still buried ] *sigh* Fine. To join the MiSTing
Authors Dibs List, send e-mail to "majo...@pinky.wtower.com"
with the message "subscribe dibslist" in the message body. Read
the FAQ at "http://www.masemware.com/mst3k/faq.shtml", don't work
blue, and don't even bother writing any haikus about Wisconsin.
TOM: Wow. Kinda depressed, ain't he?
CROW: Yeah, maybe we should try to - [stares off into the distance]
Great Scott! Terra-Man's at it again! Looks like it's up to me!
TOM: Oh, gimme a br-
CROW: UP, UP AND AWAAAAAY!! [Crow lifts his arms and flies off]
TOM: Hmph! Show-off! [Lights flash] Oh, um, hey Mike, Pearl's calling.
[Without looking up, Mike lazily lifts an arm and hits the call
button] Oooh.
[CF - The moaning and floating and stuff is still going on. Pearl &
Brain Guy have been joined by Patrick Brantseg (in a blonde toupee, blue
polyester slacks and white shirt with a yellow Ascot), Paul Chaplin (in
a green pullover shirt with a fake chin beard), Bridget Jones (in a
purple minidress and a red wig), Beez McKeever (in a big orange sweater,
knee socks, sensible shoes and thick glasses) and big giant stuffed toy
dog vaguely resembling a Great Dane.]
PEARL: Aw you wimp! Kwitcher whining, Nelsgor! You think *you* got
problems?!? These four weirdos showed up an hour ago, claiming
they were here to help "solve the mystery"! And now they *won't
go away!*
FRED: Well, gang, we've split up, gotten chased by a hologram, fed Scoob
and Shaggy some Scooby-Snacks, broken and fixed Velma's glasses,
and had a musical interlude...
OBSERVER: You called *that* music?!?
SHAGGY: Yeah! Like, it was really groovy, man!
DAPHNE: Fred, can't we - you know, "split up" again, hmmm?
FRED: Not yet, Daph. First we have to have to see who's *really* behind
this haunting! Guys?
[Shaggy and Velma go retrieve a frantically squirming giant burlap sack]
PEARL: [irritated] Don't tell me you twits actually managed to find
something!
VELMA: Yes ma'am! Your moaning is coming from this! [Holds up a reel-
to-reel tape player, which she turns off. The moans stop]
DAPHNE: And here's the culprit now!
[Fred pulls open the sack to reveal the head of...]
ALL: PROFESSOR BOBO?!?!?
SHAGGY: Like, zoinks!
VELMA: He's just an impostor. We found the *real* Professor Bobo bound
and gagged down in the basement.
OBSERVER: Ah. But then - where is he now?
VELMA: He's right h- uh, Shaggy? Didn't you untie him?
SHAGGY: Like, I thought *Fred* was gonna untie him!
FRED: No, I thought -
PEARL: Never mind the chimp, you chumps! If this ain't Bobo, then who
*is* it?!?
FRED: Let's find out! [Fred pulls the "Professor Bobo" mask off the
figure, to reveal...]
ALL: KEVIN MURPHY?!?!?!?
KEVIN: Yeah, and I woulda gotten away with it, too, if it hadn't been for
you mangy kids and your meddling dog!
SCOOBY: ROOBY-ROOBY-ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
KEVIN: Oh, shut up!
OBSERVER: Very clever. But how did you get all this stuff to float?
KEVIN: I - I didn't. I thought you were doing it to try and smoke me out.
[Long pause]
SHAGGY: [picking up the stuffed dog] Like, *ZOINKS!*
FRED: Looks like we have *another* mystery to solve, gang!
PEARL: The only mystery I want solved is how to get you bums out of -
POKEMON BALL: PIKA PIKA PIKA!!!
ALL: YAAAAHHHH!!!
[The group gathers around Kevin's sacked-up form, clutching each other
for support. As the scene fades out, we hear...]
VELMA: Jinkies!
KEVIN: Heyheyhey!!! No group hugs!
----------------------------------------------------------------
"THE CASE OF THE BEAST WITH THE RED KRYPONITE VEST" BY: Dr. Thinker
MiSTING BY: Bill Livingston
MiSTING DIBS LIST MAINTAINED BY: Michael Neylon
SUPER FREAK OUT BY: Ohio Arts
MULTIPLY BY: Line 12 to get the total number of deductions
BAD ANDY: Good Pizza
SPECIAL GUEST STARS: Patrick Brantseg as Fred, Paul Chaplin as Shaggy,
Bridget Jones as Daphne, Beez McKeever as Velma and Kevin Murphy
as Kevin Murphy.
THANKS: to MiSTies, MuSTies, the teachers of America, Julius Schwartz,
the cast of "Whose Line Is It Anyway" and the first ten people
to send me $100,000 in small unmarked bills.
Superman, Supergirl, Krypto and all associated characters and situations
are trademark of and (c) DC Comics, Inc. All rights reserved. Kids -
don't use your heat vision at home without parental supervision!
Scooby-Doo and all associated characters and situations are trademark of
and (c) Hanna-Barbera, Inc. All rights reserved. Bringing Lame
Cartoons to Life since the 1960's.
`
Oddly enough, DC Comics and Hanna-Barbera are both divisions of Warner
Brothers, which is a division of Time-Warner, which is a division of
Time-Warner-Turner, which also owns the Cartoon Network, which shows
both "Scooby-Doo" and "Superfriends". This is known as "synergy".
"Mystery Science Theater 3000" trademark of and (c) Best Brains, Inc.
All rights reserved. Home of the Icky Elf!
Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment
purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or trademarks
held by others is intended or should be inferred.
No personal insults to author(s), character(s), or situation(s) are or
should be implied. All characters in this work are fictional, and any
resemblance to actual people, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
Check us out on the web at www.NoPersonalInsultsImplied.com!
Diabolik!
Keep circulating the posts.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
> Of course, the pain was simple.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
bil...@hiwaay.net http://home.hiwaay.net/~billfl
"If you're dumb, surround yourself with smart people. And if you're smart,
surround yourself with smart people who disagree with you."
Isaac Jaffee (Robert Guillome), "Sports Night"
flaming cat
>TOM: Daphne was so shocked she dropped her "n".
>CROW: And when she bent over to pick it up, in that miniskirt...
>MIKE: Oh no - that's not Daphne - it's SHAGGY!!!!
>ALL: EWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!
ACK! No fair! I didn't expect you to beat that Jesus/Picard thing IN THE
MIDDLE OF A MISTING! BAD Bill. Naughty.
--
flaming cat (had to stop reading, as headache was making Dr. Thinker ....
almost make sense.)
Get up to $54 a month in Amazon.com gc's
and other cool stuff for listening to music.
http://www.echo.com/index_invitation.jsp?ref=34457
Joe Blevins
>
>
<MiSTing snipped>
A MiSTing of a Dr. Thinker work is always a joy, and "The Case of the
Beast" was no exception. Thank you, Bill, for posting this. It
improved my day.
"Hanna-banana." That's priceless, just priceless -- the kind of
malapropism only Thinker is capable of. And as soon as I saw "Of
course, the pain was simple," I knew it was going to be the stinger.
One question: what was the story about? Idiosyncratic spelling aside,
let's see if we can outline some of the plot points, purely as a mental
exercise (like doing an acrostic):
* Velma is the narrator, and the story is her description of one of
Mystery Incorporated's cases.
* Superman went on the air to ask the "Scooby" gang for help in solving
a mystery.
* The case apparently involves some sort of Kryptonite monster, but the
group is unsure of this.
* While traveling, the group's car is hit by a ray, is knocked into a
river, and floats to Metropolis.
* In Metropolis, the group encounters Superman's dog, Krypto.
* Supergirl shows up and expresses doubt that the "Scooby" gang can sove
the mystery.
* Jimmy Olsen and Lois Lane arrive on the scene and tell the kids that
Superman is waiting for them at the Daily Planet office.
* The group goes to the Daily Planet building and meet Superman, who
tells them that Supergirl damaged the building by leaning on it.
That last point is a bit hazy, and from here on out, the story loses me
entirely. Here is my guess as to what is supposed to be happening.
* Superman tells the kids that a strange monster has been making
appearances for the last week or so.
* The monster wears a red Kryptonite vest, which Superman is not
supposed to go near.
* Superman asks the kids for help, but he knows that Supergirl doubts
their ability to solve the mystery.
* Perry White arrives and says that the Beast is destroying the printing
presses.
* The gang pursues the Beast, but it seems to be familiar with the Daily
Planet building and evades them.
* They decide to split up and look for the Beast: Velma, Daphne, and
Lois in one group; Scooby, Shaggy, and Jimmy in another; and Superman
and Fred in a third group.
* A sound thought to be made by the Beast turns out to be Jimmy Olsen's
signal watch.
* Something happens involving red Kryptonite. I can't say what,
exactly. Red Kryptonite apparently makes Superman (and Supergirl, too,
I think) dislike people. I think that one of the groups finds a piece
of this Kryptonite in the building somewhere.
* The Beast is caught and is unmasked as being Supergirl, dazed by the
effects of red Kryptonite.
* When pressed for a motive, Supergirl says that she saw a news report
on Mystery, Inc. on television.
* Apparently satisfied with that answer, the "Scooby" gang departs.
* The end.
My theory is that this story is the "Monster-A-Go-Go" of Superman
fanfiction. There was no Beast With the Red Kryptonite Vest. Supergirl
was found alive and of normal size.
Maybe the story is a fable about drugs and the devastating effects they
can have on otherwise good people. Here we have a seemingly decent
person, Supergirl, who becomes a "beast" under the influence of a
mysterious substance. (Does "red Kryptonite" represent heroin?
Crack?) While in a chemically-altered state, Supergirl becomes so
resentful of the media attention lavished upon Mystery, Inc. that she
attacks a harmless printing press and causes her more-successful cousin
Superman all kinds of misery and grief. Being caught and "unmasked" as
the junkie she is by the Mystery, Inc. kids will hopefully be a wake-up
call for her. I hope she views the incident as an intervention and
seeks help. I'd recommend drug rehab and family counseling.
--Joe--
Bill Livingston
>Bill Livingston wrote:
><MiSTing snipped>
>
>A MiSTing of a Dr. Thinker work is always a joy, and "The Case of the
>Beast" was no exception. Thank you, Bill, for posting this. It
>improved my day.
Always happy to do my bit for happiness.
>"Hanna-banana." That's priceless, just priceless -- the kind of
>malapropism only Thinker is capable of. And as soon as I saw "Of
>course, the pain was simple," I knew it was going to be the stinger.
It had to be. It practically leaped out and did a Latrell Sprewell on me.
>One question: what was the story about? Idiosyncratic spelling aside,
>let's see if we can outline some of the plot points, purely as a mental
>exercise (like doing an acrostic):
Actually, you got it mostly right, except for a couple of spots.
>* While traveling, the group's car is hit by a ray, is knocked into a
>river, and floats to Metropolis.
>* In Metropolis, the group encounters Superman's dog, Krypto.
Actually, I think that Krypto catches the car and flies it down into a diner
parking lot.
>* Something happens involving red Kryptonite. I can't say what,
>exactly. Red Kryptonite apparently makes Superman (and Supergirl, too,
>I think) dislike people. I think that one of the groups finds a piece
>of this Kryptonite in the building somewhere.
Red K always has unpredictable effects on Kryptonians, but it only affects
them once (don't ask me why this is so, it just is). Apparently, Superman
somehow recognized this as pieces he'd encountered before which caused him to
develop an intense hatred for a group of people - in his case, the folks at
the Daily Planet.
A better question is, why was Supergirl even dressing up as a monster? Why not
simply use her heat vision to melt the Mystery Machine, or do something really
nasty? Why dress up like a fashionable yeti or something?
>My theory is that this story is the "Monster-A-Go-Go" of Superman
>fanfiction. There was no Beast With the Red Kryptonite Vest. Supergirl
>was found alive and of normal size.
Dang. I wish I'd thought of this analogy myself
>Maybe the story is a fable about drugs and the devastating effects they
>can have on otherwise good people. Here we have a seemingly decent
>person, Supergirl, who becomes a "beast" under the influence of a
>mysterious substance. (Does "red Kryptonite" represent heroin?
>Crack?)
Tobacco? Caffiene? Twinkies?
>While in a chemically-altered state, Supergirl becomes so
>resentful of the media attention lavished upon Mystery, Inc. that she
>attacks a harmless printing press and causes her more-successful cousin
>Superman all kinds of misery and grief. Being caught and "unmasked" as
>the junkie she is by the Mystery, Inc. kids will hopefully be a wake-up
>call for her. I hope she views the incident as an intervention and
>seeks help. I'd recommend drug rehab and family counseling.
Or maybe just sending her to bed without dessert.
Thanks for the post modern interpretation, Joe. It makes a nice little
companion piece, and if the IMMG were still running, I'd use it as my entry.
Bill L.
Look for Joe's latest self-help book, "I'm OK, You're a Beast in a Red
Kryptonite Vest", on sale everywhere.
Joe Blevins
Bill Livingston wrote:
>
> Previously on "The Amazing Chan and the Chan Clan", Joe Blevins wrote:
>
> >* Something happens involving red Kryptonite. I can't say what,
> >exactly. Red Kryptonite apparently makes Superman (and Supergirl, too,
> >I think) dislike people. I think that one of the groups finds a piece
> >of this Kryptonite in the building somewhere.
>
> Red K always has unpredictable effects on Kryptonians, but it only affects
> them once (don't ask me why this is so, it just is). Apparently, Superman
> somehow recognized this as pieces he'd encountered before which caused him to
> develop an intense hatred for a group of people - in his case, the folks at
> the Daily Planet.
Aha! So it wouldn't affect him this time, right? Okay. I guess some
pieces of red K became dislodged from the vest, and Supes found them
while searching for the Beast. On "Scooby-Doo," the villains' costumes
often left big, obvious traces behind them. (i.e. "Hmmmm. This
phosphorus paint rubbed off when the monster ran by!")
Oh, one more thing about this part of the story. There seems to be a
passage about the Beast escaping from the roof using a helicopter. I
know that the word "helicopter" is used once or twice in the story.
Why? Obviously, the Beast/Supergirl needs no helicopter to get around.
And did you ever figure out the sentence about the "Scooby-dooites"? It
had something to do with what would happen if Supes got within two
inches of something. (The vest? The wall with the holes in it?) This
was a very difficult passage to understand. Speaking of the fractured
wall, what in blazes was the meaning of the passage about the building
code regulations?
There also seemed to be a moment when Scooby and Shaggy were trying to
escape from the Beast. Or wasn't there? I wasn't sure.
>
> A better question is, why was Supergirl even dressing up as a monster? Why not
> simply use her heat vision to melt the Mystery Machine, or do something really
> nasty? Why dress up like a fashionable yeti or something?
A good question, and one for which there is no easy answer -- other than
that the beast costume was a visible sign of the inner rage that
Supergirl was feeling due to the red K. She *felt* like a beast;
therefore, she dressed up as one. Her "evil" phase was decidedly
ineffectual. She wound up _confusing_ Superman and the kids more than
anything. The worst thing she does is act snotty to the "Scooby" kids
and wreck a printing press, plus cause some damage to a wall. Big
deal! It would have been more interesting to see Supergirl go on a
destructive rampage while under the influence of the mysterious rock.
What I want to know is, where'd they get the green Kryptonite net and
why did they use it? Until the unmasking, no one knew that the Beast
was really Supergirl. (Didn't Supes ever think of using his x-ray
vision to examine the beast?) Besides, this wanton use of green K would
preclude the involvement of Superman, who has a notoriously low
tolerance for the stuff. If the "Scooby" kids are tossing green
Kryptonite around like it's no big deal, Superman should stay far away.
(How big a planet was Krypton anyway? Kryptonite seems to be fairly
plentiful and easy to get. Even the low-level thugs on "The Adventures
of Superman" managed to score some.)
>
> >Maybe the story is a fable about drugs and the devastating effects they
> >can have on otherwise good people. Here we have a seemingly decent
> >person, Supergirl, who becomes a "beast" under the influence of a
> >mysterious substance. (Does "red Kryptonite" represent heroin?
> >Crack?)
>
> Tobacco? Caffiene? Twinkies?
Caffiene's a good guess. I think we've all seen people who make the
Red-Vested Beast seem pretty mild in comparison. Maybe Supergirl's just
got a bad case of "coffee nerves."
<snip more stuff about Supergirl and substance abuse>
>
> Thanks for the post modern interpretation, Joe.
You're more than welcome. Dubious interpretations are sort of a hobby
of mine.
> It makes a nice little
> companion piece, and if the IMMG were still running, I'd use it as my entry.
It isn't running? That's too bad. Are the old entries still up? (I
had a couple of them there.) I always thought it would be a good idea
to have links from specific MiSTings on WS9 right to the IMMG entries.
You could read a MiSTing, then go directly to the IMMG entry for it
instead of wading through various menus.
--Joe--
P.S. - With some serious rewriting and more coherent plotting, I think a
talented fanfiction author could make "The Case of the Beast" into a
halfway decent story. Since there was a "Batman" crossover on the
"Scooby-Doo" TV show, a "Superman" crossover is not that unlikely. And
having Supergirl as a villain was an interesting touch. If anything,
the plot moved much too quickly, racing to a conclusion before the Beast
had really been established as a threat. Also, none of the characters
besides Supergirl herself was really given that much to do. I mean, why
introduce Lois Lane into the plot if you're not going to have her do
anything?
Bill Livingston
>Bill Livingston wrote:
>>Previously on "The Amazing Chan and the Chan Clan", Joe Blevins wrote:
>>>* Something happens involving red Kryptonite. I can't say what,
>>>exactly. Red Kryptonite apparently makes Superman (and Supergirl, too,
>>>I think) dislike people. I think that one of the groups finds a piece
>>>of this Kryptonite in the building somewhere.
>>
>>Red K always has unpredictable effects on Kryptonians, but it only affects
>>them once (don't ask me why this is so, it just is). Apparently, Superman
>>somehow recognized this as pieces he'd encountered before which caused him to
>>develop an intense hatred for a group of people - in his case, the folks at
>>the Daily Planet.
>
>Aha! So it wouldn't affect him this time, right? Okay. I guess some
>pieces of red K became dislodged from the vest, and Supes found them
>while searching for the Beast. On "Scooby-Doo," the villains' costumes
>often left big, obvious traces behind them. (i.e. "Hmmmm. This
>phosphorus paint rubbed off when the monster ran by!")
Yeah, it makes something like Kryptonian Weirdness antibodies. Which begs the
question - if you broke it in two, would it become two new pieces, able to
affect Supes again, or not. This is the kind of metaphysical question that
should have kept him up night.
>Oh, one more thing about this part of the story. There seems to be a
>passage about the Beast escaping from the roof using a helicopter. I
>know that the word "helicopter" is used once or twice in the story.
>Why? Obviously, the Beast/Supergirl needs no helicopter to get around.
I dunno. Maybe Doc meant she found the beast on the helicopter pad, but then
it ducked back into the building.
>And did you ever figure out the sentence about the "Scooby-dooites"? It
>had something to do with what would happen if Supes got within two
>inches of something. (The vest? The wall with the holes in it?) This
>was a very difficult passage to understand.
Yes it was. And no, I have no idea - some things may not mean to ever be
known to mankind.
>Speaking of the fractured
>wall, what in blazes was the meaning of the passage about the building
>code regulations?
I think it meant that the city board was displeased that Supergirl's leaning
against the wall poked holes in it, and they want to reinforce and strengthen
the code.
>There also seemed to be a moment when Scooby and Shaggy were trying to
>escape from the Beast. Or wasn't there? I wasn't sure.
They're *always* trying to escape. Like, zoinks!
>>A better question is, why was Supergirl even dressing up as a monster? Why not
>>simply use her heat vision to melt the Mystery Machine, or do something really
>>nasty? Why dress up like a fashionable yeti or something?
>
>A good question, and one for which there is no easy answer -- other than
>that the beast costume was a visible sign of the inner rage that
>Supergirl was feeling due to the red K. She *felt* like a beast;
>therefore, she dressed up as one. Her "evil" phase was decidedly
>ineffectual. She wound up _confusing_ Superman and the kids more than
>anything. The worst thing she does is act snotty to the "Scooby" kids
>and wreck a printing press, plus cause some damage to a wall. Big
>deal! It would have been more interesting to see Supergirl go on a
>destructive rampage while under the influence of the mysterious rock.
Then maybe her ultimate plan was, rather than merely killing the Scooby Gang,
to cause them immense emotional and psychological damage, the scarring from
which would take several lifetimes to recover from. Gads, she may be more
deviously clever than we gave her credit for!
>What I want to know is, where'd they get the green Kryptonite net and
>why did they use it? Until the unmasking, no one knew that the Beast
>was really Supergirl. (Didn't Supes ever think of using his x-ray
>vision to examine the beast?) Besides, this wanton use of green K would
>preclude the involvement of Superman, who has a notoriously low
>tolerance for the stuff. If the "Scooby" kids are tossing green
>Kryptonite around like it's no big deal, Superman should stay far away.
Suppositon - Superman himself provided it (albeit in a lead box). After all,
if the beast's vest is made of very chic Red K, then it would seem to follow
that Green K might have some effect on it as well.
>(How big a planet was Krypton anyway? Kryptonite seems to be fairly
>plentiful and easy to get. Even the low-level thugs on "The Adventures
>of Superman" managed to score some.)
Well, to be fair, the original theory was that a sizable chunk of the stuff
was pulled through the same space warp thaat brought baby Kal-El to Earth, but
even with that, yes, for a while, it had become about as rare as gravel. Now,
though, this has been re-written so that there is only one actual chunk of the
stuff on this planet, which (of all people) Batman has in his posession.
>>Thanks for the post modern interpretation, Joe.
>
>You're more than welcome. Dubious interpretations are sort of a hobby
>of mine.
>
>>It makes a nice little
>>companion piece, and if the IMMG were still running, I'd use it as my entry.
>
>It isn't running? That's too bad. Are the old entries still up? (I
>had a couple of them there.) I always thought it would be a good idea
>to have links from specific MiSTings on WS9 right to the IMMG entries.
>You could read a MiSTing, then go directly to the IMMG entry for it
>instead of wading through various menus.
I think the old entries are still available, but the guy who ran it just
dropped out of sight (anybody seen or heard from WereTorgo lately?). I asked
Mike Neylon about it, and he said that he eventual plan was to integrate it
into WS9 and do pretty much what you just said. Of course, that's in the
future, since Mike's just moved the site, and he has other things (job, etc)
that are occupying his time.
>P.S. - With some serious rewriting and more coherent plotting, I think a
>talented fanfiction author could make "The Case of the Beast" into a
>halfway decent story. Since there was a "Batman" crossover on the
>"Scooby-Doo" TV show, a "Superman" crossover is not that unlikely. And
>having Supergirl as a villain was an interesting touch. If anything,
>the plot moved much too quickly, racing to a conclusion before the Beast
>had really been established as a threat.
What's scary is that you're right - it could've been tweaked into an actual
Scooby episode.
>Also, none of the characters
>besides Supergirl herself was really given that much to do. I mean, why
>introduce Lois Lane into the plot if you're not going to have her do
>anything?
Because she's Superman's Girlfriend!
Bill L.
Supes needs his chick around, dig?
George Johnson
DejaNews.com, but since they're playing around with stuff, I cannot access
anything past 1 year. The title is "In the Garden". Been looking around to
see if anyone copied it to a fanfic site, but nothing's turning up.
"flaming cat" <flami...@home.comeonin> wrote in message
news:rkPh5.101654$8u4.9...@news1.rdc1.bc.home.com...
| In article <398790b6....@news.traveller.com>, bil...@hiwaay.net says...
|
| >TOM: Daphne was so shocked she dropped her "n".
| >CROW: And when she bent over to pick it up, in that miniskirt...
| >MIKE: Oh no - that's not Daphne - it's SHAGGY!!!!
| >ALL: EWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!
|
Antaeus Feldspar
> And did you ever figure out the sentence about the "Scooby-dooites"? It
> had something to do with what would happen if Supes got within two
> inches of something. (The vest? The wall with the holes in it?) This
> was a very difficult passage to understand. Speaking of the fractured
> wall, what in blazes was the meaning of the passage about the building
> code regulations?
I'm proud to say that this one I understood.
The original passage:
> If Superman comes with 2 inches
>of here, she will give a few months of Scoody-Dooites (Very
>cowardfully).
I believe is supposed to be:
If Superman comes within 2 inches of her [the Beast] she will give
him a few months of Scooby-Doo-itis. (Very cowardly.)
I'm fairly sure this means that Superman expects the Red Kryptonite,
instead of turning him evil, to turn him chicken-hearted, a condition
that has of course been named after Scooby-Doo.
An alternate explanation, though one which leaves puzzling gaps, is
that the "(Very cowardfully)" is Velma's editorial upon Superman's fear
of the Beast's Red Kryptonite. Puzzling, because then what is
Scooby-Doo-itis? Why does Superman expect Scooby-Doo-itis instead of Re
Kryptonite's usual effect? And why does Velma consider this fear
cowardly? On the whole, I believe the first explanation holds up
better.
-jc
--
* -jc IS *NOW* feld...@cryogen.com
* Home page: http://members.tripod.com/~afeldspar/index.html
* The home of >>Failed Pilots Playhouse<<
* "Better you hold me close than understand..." Thomas Dolby
edi...@netins.net
sense. Perhaps it is Scooby-duties and S-Man has
to do something or another for Scooby.
Maybe someone fell on the keyboard.
-Cyber_Ant
"Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast."
-Rimmer
Bill Livingston
>Joe Blevins <joe...@concentric.net> wrote:
>>And did you ever figure out the sentence about the "Scooby-dooites"? It
>>had something to do with what would happen if Supes got within two
>>inches of something. (The vest? The wall with the holes in it?) This
>>was a very difficult passage to understand. Speaking of the fractured
>>wall, what in blazes was the meaning of the passage about the building
>>code regulations?
>
>The original passage:
>
>>of here, she will give a few months of Scoody-Dooites (Very
>>cowardfully).
>
>
>If Superman comes within 2 inches of her [the Beast] she will give
>him a few months of Scooby-Doo-itis. (Very cowardly.)
>
> I'm fairly sure this means that Superman expects the Red Kryptonite,
>instead of turning him evil, to turn him chicken-hearted, a condition
>that has of course been named after Scooby-Doo.
By George, Antaeus! I think you've got it!
Bill L.
Now you're *really* starting to scare me!