MSTed: Power Ranger: The New Arrival & The Last, Best Hope (4/4)

[rowark]

(Mike and Bots re-enter theater)

>Chapter 3
>
> In the temporary quarters of Brian and Kimberly Crowmeowme

CROW: An icy chill was felt as the two of them looked at each other.

> on Babylon
5,
>an urgent tone awakens the sleeping President of Zordonus form a
>meditative sleep. "Yes, what is it?"

SERVO: It is a two-letter pronoun, used to describe something that isn't
male or female.
> Brian asks into his communicator.
>It's Brian,Jr,"Father, I think I may have figured out how

MIKE: To finally get rid of Tommy, give him an exploding pinball machine.

> to cure Willy."
>"I'll be right there," says Brian. With Kim shopping on the Zocalo,

SERVO: Spending the last of the money that Zordonus had in it's treasury.
> he'll
>find her on the way to the MedLab. Within ten minutes,

SERVO: Zordonus was three hundred billion credits in debt.

> the First Couple of
>the world inhabited only by

MIKE: Non-union actors.

> Power Rangers, and their offspring, arrive at
>the MedLab, where their first-born child

CROW: Was taken by Rumpelstiltskin.

> lay at death's door due to the
>machinations of Master Vile. B.J. tells them, "Mother,Father, I've been

MIKE: A baaaaaaaad boy.

>
>looking through the files of ALPHA 5000 and I believe Willy's only chance
>is to go to Liara and find Lerigot. His magic, which

CROW: Earned him millions when he performed under the stage name Roy.

> saved Mother from the
>evil influence of Maligore

SERVO: Which can be cured by Pepto-Bismol.

> centuries ago, should be able to eradicate the
>foreign substances from Willy's body." Brian Sr immediately dispatches his
>Silver Eagle to

MIKE: Pick up a couple of kegs for later.

> Liara, stopping by Zordonus to pick up Bob and Kat
>Crowmeowme, who know the diminutive wizard

SERVO: So a Munchkin is the new Wizard of Oz?

> quite well. Kimberly thinks
back
>to the incident B.J. mentioned, and wonders if it may be

CROW: Withdrawal from her addiction to Gouda.

> connected to her
>nightmares of recent days.
>
> Meanwhile, on Zordonus, the Power Rangers Ultimate continue

SERVO: Using Japanese stock footage.

> training
to
>defend Zordonus from

MIKE: Roaches.

> Master Vile and his Shadow fleet. Under the tutelage
>of Jason Lee Scott, the most powerful Rangers ever hone

ALL: (singing) Hone on the Range, where the deer and the antelope play.

> their skills to
>perfection. Then, the MegaZord assembly drills begin.

CROW: Those must be big drills if they're used to assemble a Megazord.

> The Ultimate
MegaZord
>is composed of the traditional Black, Pink, Blue, Yellow, and Red
>UltimateZords, which combine to form a giant robot

MIKE: (as Voltron narrator) Loved by good, feared by evil.

> whose appearance evokes
>memories of a Japanese

SERVO: Monster movie, where Godzilla destroyed the giant robot sent to stop
him.

> Samurai. The Silver Ultimate Zord morphs into a
>robot warrior in the visage of an Original Power Ranger uniform, perhaps
>the style Brian wore as

CROW: Bolt Schwinchester, the gunsmith/blacksmith.

> the first Silver Ranger. The White and Green
>UltimateZords combine to form the fearsome TommyZord,

ALL: (singing) TommyZord, can you hear me? TommyZord, can you see me.

> armed with replicas
>of the Dragon Dagger and Saba, These three robot warriors combine with
>Pyramidas to form

CROW: A mound of useless parts.

> the UltraUltimateZord, last line of defense for the
>planet Zordonus. Looking at the four robot warriors, Jason thinks to
>himself,

MIKE: (as Jason) Man, do I say Man a lot, man.

> "Man, Zedd, Rita, Mondo, and Divatox would have taken one look at
>this team and

SERVO: Killed himself.

> left the Solar System for good."
>
> Within three light years of Zordonus, Master Vile's Skull Ship

CROW: As opposed to his Bulk Ship.

> leads
an
>armada of Shadow vessels towards Zordonus, unaware that the psi-presence
on
>Zordonus will spell certain doom for the Shadow Ships.

CROW: (as Psi-Presence) C-e-r-t-a-i-n D-o-o-m, Certain Doom.
MIKE: That is correct.

> Vile turns to his
>second in command, "Rito, get up here." "What's up,

SERVO: Doc.

> Pop," asks the now
>fully camouflaged bag of bones. "I want you to take that Serpenterra you
>got from your sister and go to Zordonus with this ultimatum:

CROW: Give me all your cheddar or I'll infest you with space mice.

> Surrender

ALL: Dorothy.

> or
>Die. Can you remember that?"

CROW: (as Rito) Duh, sure.

> "Sure pop, just like I remember Sis married
>Edd," said Rito. With that, a large glowing 'Z' appears on Rito's helmet.
>"I meant Zedd," Rito cries out in agony. The Z is

MIKE: The mark of Zorro.

> a reminder from Lord
Zedd
>to his dim-witted brother-in-law. In 2006, Zedd, tired of Rito always
>calling him "Edd," used his staff to

SERVO: Enhance Rito's memory.

> place this painful reminder on Rito's
>helmet. From then on, whenever Rito said Edd instead of Zedd, the Z would
>glow and Rito would experience

CROW: Undreamed-of pleasure.

> intense agony. With Rito on his way to
>Zordonus, Master Vile left to work on his

MIKE: Thousand piece jigsaw puzzle.

> special project, a dream
>modifier.
>
> It is 0100 hours at Babylon 5, Brian and Kim are sound asleep, Kim
>dreams of Brian's movie, which was released in 1995.

CROW: And was pummeled because it didn't have Jim Carrey in it.

> Although she didn't
>play herself due to being

SERVO: A terrible actor, like all Power Rangers.

> pregnant with Willy when filming began, she was
>on the set every day and was in

CROW: The porno version, Mighty Humpin Sexy Rangers.
(MIKE closes Crow's beak before he can describe said movie)

> the remake Brian made fifty years ago. But
>this dream

SERVO: Is sponsored by new and improved Ultra Tide, with bleach.

> differed from the actual movie. In her dream, Ivan Ooze doesn't
>just hold her

CROW: Close to him, he ravishes her, like in Mighty Hum...
(MIKE closes CROW's beak, again)

> NinjaZord in his tractor beam, he pulls her out of the Zord
>and dresses her in an outfit similar to

SERVO: Rita's, so that she'll impale Brian the first time they embrace.

> Dulcea's. Master Vile arrives,
with
>Kat as his prisoner

MIKE: Bad Kitty-Kat.

> and takes possession of Kim from Ooze, and from there,
>her captivity seems like a favorite movie of Brian's, where a beautiful
>Princess is held captive by a giant slug.

SERVO: I think I saw that movie.

> Yet Kim's dream doesn't have her
>strangling Vile with a chain,

SERVO: Yeah, definitely the Magic Sword.

> instead she sees Zordonus destroyed by
Vile's
>forces while she and Kat are the only survivors.

CROW: Starring Robin Williams.

>Master Vile speaks to her, "Soon, my dear. Soon

MIKE: You will be in a movie called Killing Mr Griffin.

> this dream will become reality." Kim sits up with
a
> start, awakening Brian. "You OK honey?" asks
> Brian. Kim tells the only man she's ever

CROW: Thought of killing.

> truly loved about her dreams. Brian comforts her, "Don't worry,

ALL: (singing) Be Happy.

>baby. With

ALL: (Singing) Gilligan, the Skipper, too. The Millionaire and his wife.

> KimmyKat

MIKE: (singing) And the Rest
BOTS: (singing) The Professor and Mary Ann

> and the other UltimateRangers, Master Vile doesn't
>stand a chance of

CROW: Scoring with Kim or Kat.

> winning. The two of them lay back down, but

SERVO: She keeps calling out Justin's name.
MIKE: That's enough of that, Tom.
CROW: Yeah, if anyone, Justin would be Kat's lover.
(CROW snickers)

> don't go
>right back to sleep.

MIKE: Yeah, get it on. Bang the gong.

>
> By the time Brian and Kim re-awaken in the morning, The Silver Eagle
>arrives in orbit of

CROW: Mars, looking to retrieve the Pathfinder.

> Liara. Bob and Kat teleport down to the surface

SERVO: To gather geological samples.

> near
>the last known coordinates of Lerigot's family. They arrive at a small
>dwelling, and knock on the door. The door is opened by

MIKE: Alfred the Butler.

> Lerigot's wife,
>much older than

CROW: Dirt.

> when they last saw her. Recognizing her old friends, she
>invites them in, where a

SERVO: Firing squad guns them down.

> somber mood hangs over those assembled. Lerigot
is
>on his deathbed, dying of

CROW: Lack of a script.

> old age. Bob fears his nephew is doomed.
Lerigot,
>sensing that they came here,

SERVO: Gives them the finger and kicks the bucket.

> not knowing her was dying, asks his friends
>why they came so far. Bob

MIKE: Offers the dying wizard's family a nice funeral plan, at a premium
rate.

> tells his small, wizened friend, "My nephew is
>dying, little friend. It has been determined that you are the

CROW: The winner of the Publisher's Clearinghouse give-away.

> only person
>in the universe who can save him. But, we did not know your time in this
>universe was short."

MIKE: This sounds familiar, someone goes to a short puppet who speaks
broken
English for something important, only to find said puppet dying.
> Soon, the door opens and someone who looks like
>Lerigot did when he was captured by Divatox enters. This is

SERVO: Yoda.

> Bethel,
>Lerigot's child, whom Bob and Kat remember from so long ago. Lerigot
taught
>Bethel all his mystical secrets,

CROW: But not his stage tricks.

> insuring that Liara would still have a
>mystic. Sensing the situation, Bethel agrees to

MIKE: Show them how to saw a woman in half.

> go with Bob and Kat, who
>promise Bethel they will return here before

SERVO: Dinner.

> Lerigot leaves this plane of
>existence.
>
> Back on Zordonus, Master Vile's ultimatum is met with a display of
>UltimateZords. Rito tries to flee, but the five light year trip

MIKE: Cost thirty thousand credits in tolls.

> used up
>Serpenterra's energy. Rito is taken away to

CROW: The Boneyard, hahahahaha.
> a specially constructed
>correctional facility, while Serpenterra

SERVO: Comes to life and destroys Justin Junction, with Justin in it.

> is dismantled for spare parts.
>Master Vile, observing this action,

MIKE: Flees like the coward he is.

> speeds up his armada, so that they
will
>arrive at Zordonus within half an hour. By the time they reach orbit,
>however, Master Vile's skull ship is

CROW: A fractured skull ship.

> the only vessel still moving. The
>reports are the same from each Shadow vessel,

MIKE: Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead.

> The ship looses power as
soon
>as it gets within one thousand miles of Zordonus. Vile summons his Shadow
>advisor,

CROW: Lamont Cranston.

> "Morden, what's going on?" The being known as Morden, who only a
>short time ago was the

SERVO: President of the Hair Club for Aliens, and also a client.

> Shadow liaison to Centauri Prime, tells Master
Vile,
>"Shadow technology is vulnerable to

MIKE: Bad acting and Japanese stock footage. You never had a chance.

> telepathic power. That Psi-Corp
>technology I gave you should indicate how much

CROW: Of a stud you are.
SERVO: (as Master Vile) Cold Fish! Stupid love tester.

> psi-power emanates from the
>planet. Turning to a separate control panel, Vile is surprised to discover
>that the amount of psychic power coming from Zordonus is greater than

MIKE: (as General Dodonna from Star Wars) Half the Star Fleet.

> the
>instruments can measure. With his fleet down to one ship,

CROW: He sets the vessel to self destruct, taking Zordonus with it.

> Master Vile
>retrieves his only son and makes a

MIKE: Rude and obscene gesture to the assembled citizens of Zordonus.

> hasty retreat, without a single robot
>warrior seeing action.
>
> As Vile flee's the Zordonus solar system, the Silver Eagle

SERVO: Breaks down, thus Bob has to get out and push.

> returns to
>Babylon 5 with Bethel. Given highest priority, Security Chief Zach Allen
>personally leads the tiny wizard and his party to

CROW: The airlock, to space them himself.

> MedLab 1, where Willy's
>condition is extremely critical. Bethel asks everyone else to leave while
>the healing magic begins.

SERVO: Healing Magic: The Gathering.

> While waiting, the assembled Crowmeowmes receive
>the news that

MIKE: Jim Carrey and Lauren Holly's marriage is over, that's how slow the
news travels in space.

> Master Vile was repelled without a single shot fired,

CROW: But several shots of whiskey were downed.

> and
>that the threat of Serpenterra has been ended forever. Minor cheers

ALL: Norm.

> fill
>the area outside MedLab. Soon, the Zordonian ambassador, Morphos Multus
>arrives with his significant other,

MIKE: Ambassador Kosh.

> Commander Susan Ivanova arrive to
await
>the results of Bethel's magic. Morphos still blames himself for Willy's
>plight, as the plant that caused this condition was meant for him, not
>William. Ivanova has been telling him that he

SERVO: Is responsible and will be spaced immediately after an autopsy is
performed.

> shouldn't blame himself, but
>station security for not checking that plant for germs that would affect
>Morphos and Willy, but no one else on the station.
>
> Within the hour, Bethel emerges, and allows B.J. and Dr Franklin to
re-
>enter MedLab. Soon, B.J. emerges and tell all assembled the good news,
>"There is no longer any foreign substances in Willy's system, he

MIKE: Died just after Bethel started.

> should be
>fully recovered within a few days. More cheers

ALL: Norm.

> fill the waiting area, with
>Bethel receiving a vast debt

MIKE: Oh, I love that game show, with Wink Martindale.

> of thanks and gratitude from Brian and Kim.
>Soon, the two Crowmeowme Brothers and their spouses head towards the

SERVO: Divorce Court.

>
Silver
>Eagle with Bethel to head back to Liara before

MIKE: His supper gets cold.

> it is too late. After the
>Silver Eagle departs, Ambassador Multus and Commander Ivanova head back to
>his quarters. Since they became lovers a week or so ago, the two of them
>have realized that they

CROW: Should see other people.

> had been alone until they met about a month ago.
>True love can

SERVO: Be the pits, if it happens too soon.

> happen quickly to those who are of the species

CROW: That movie gave me the willies.

> that the
>Crowmeowmes are, and the ambassador decides to take this

ALL: (singing) Job and shove it. I aint workin here no more.

> relationship to
>the
>next level. That night, Morphos gets on one knee

MIKE: And fires a bazooka point blank at Ivanova.

> and says to Ivanova,
>"Susan, I know we've only been

CROW: Fools, but let's sell Amway.

> seeing each other for about a month, but we
>both feel this way about each other. Susan Ivanova, will you

MIKE: Break my heart.

> marry me?"
The
>beautiful Russian is stunned and doesn't know what to say...
>
> While a potentially happy event occurs on Babylon 5, a solemn one
>happens on Liara.

SERVO: Bob finally learns Tommy is Alfred's father, so he kills Kat.

> With his family, friends, and the Crowmeowmes assembled
>around him, Lerigot passes

MIKE: A stone, and fully recovers.

> the last of his mystical power to Bethel before
>passing on, into the next universe.

MIKE: The Princes of the Next Universe.
(BOTS scream in terror.)

> All assembled shed tears

SERVO: Except for Bob, who shed no tears after murdering Kat.

> for the
gentle
>wizard, as his body is taken to the traditional burial site of Liaran
>wizards, the Hill of Mystics.

CROW: Which is closed due to erosion.

> Lerigot's body is laid to rest in

MIKE: A shallow grave.

> the
>traditional Liaran burial ceremony, after which, Bethel becomes master of
>the

CROW: Universe.
SERVO: He-Man?

> dwelling. The Crowmeowmes depart Liara to head back to B5. En route,
>Brian opens a

MIKE: Bottle of Dom.

> communication channel to Eltar, which is answered by

SERVO: A machine with an annoyingly stupid message.

> Zordon.
>"It is good to hear from you, Old Friend," says Zordon, upon seeing the
>image of the being once known as

ALL: (laughing) Bolt Schwinchester. Hahahahaha!

> Morphos. Soon, the other members of the
>Crowmeowme family greet their former mentor,

CROW: The Fresh Maker.

> before Brian tells Zordon,
and
>the just arrived Alpha 5, of

SERVO: Kat's murder at Bob's hands.

> Lerigot's passing. If robots could cry, Alpha
>would look

MIKE: A literal rust bucket.

> like Niagra Falls, but he only utters a mournful "Ay-yi-yi-yi-
>yi" in honor of his friend. Brian and Bob tell Zordon of all that has
>transpired since he and Alpha left Earth back in 1997,

CROW: And the mess he made by letting Justin be a Ranger, what was he
thinking.
> then promise to visit Eltar,
>with the other Power Rangers whom Zordon knew, very soon.
>
> When the Silver Eagle returns to Babylon 5, Brian and Kim head
straight
>for the

MIKE: Bar, to get drunk.

> MedLab. When they arrive, Willy is

SERVO: Buried.

> doing much better. B.J. tells
>his parents that, "Thanks to Bethel,

CROW: I'm now your second oldest son.

> Willy is doing better than ever and
>will be able to return to

MIKE: The Planet of the Apes.

> his duties as soon as tomorrow. "No need,"
>interrupts Ambassador Multus. "I've received word that a new

SERVO: Ruling bars clones from being ambassadors, so Zordonus will no
longer
be represented in the League of Non-Aligned Worlds.
> aide is on
his
>way here so that Willy can recuperate back on Zordonus." "Who are we
>sending?" inquires Brian. "Why, Bartholomew Po

CROW: He's a Po boy, from a Po family.

> Cranston, Billy and Trini's
>oldest son, and the most-intelligent non-Crowmeowme

MIKE: That wouldn't take to much.

> on all of Zordonus. In
>fact, he may

SERVO: Change his middle name form Po to Rich.

> become the new Zordonian ambassador to the League of Non-
>Aligned Worlds. I've

MIKE: Get a price on my head after insulting Londo.

> asked Commander Ivanova to

SERVO: Space me.

> marry me." Brian, Kim,
>Willy, and B.J. offer their

CROW: Condolences, when they see Ivanova holding hands with Marcus.

> congratulations. "Thank you, my friends," says
>Morphos, "and if she accepts,

MIKE: She's crazy.

> we will be moving off station, either to
>Zordonus or to Earth, in which case I would undergo our people's procedure
>to

SERVO: Give me a brain, just like the Scarecrow.

> have my telepathic powers nullified. I will not be a Psi-Corp puppet."

CROW: I am not Pinocchio, I am a clone.

>After getting approval from Dr Franklin, Willy leaves MedLab for

MIKE: Lyta Alexander's quarters, to get lucky.

> his
>quarters, packing up to return home to Zordonus with his family
>
> The End?

ALL: Finally!

(Mike and Bots leave the theater)
(Door Sequence)
(Bridge)
MIKE: Whew, that was a close call.
SERVO: You're telling me.
CROW: If I never here the name Turbo Ranger Prime again, it will be too
soon.
GYPSY: Don't worry guys. My records show that as of August 1, 1997. He had
only written three stories.
MIKE: So what about AFTER August 1, 1997?
(Mike & Bots Shudder)
(Pearl's ship)
PEARL: They shook it off so easily, Brain Guy, Give them a mental shake.
OBSERVER: Of course, Pearl. {YOUR MOVIE NEXT TIME WILL BE SOMETHING CALLED
WILLOW}
(SOL)
MIKE: I liked Willow.
(Pearl's ship)
OBSERVER: {HOW ABOUT THE LAST ACTION HERO?}
(SOL)
SERVO: Hey, that was better than Batman and Robin.
(Pearl's ship)
OBSERVER: {THE CABLE GUY}
(SOL)
CROW: That can't have been worse than The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who
Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies.
(Pearl's Ship)
PEARL: Ugh!
(Fade to black)
(Closing Credits)
STINGER: Soon the two of them were watching "Ace Ventura,Pet Detective" and
eventually left the main chamber for the bedroom.