[MiSTied] Cosmic Awareness Information.
Austin George Loomis
CROW: ...and the lioness says, "No soap, radio."
[Silence you could drive a truck through.]
TOM: In the immortal words of Jeffrey Jones, "I don't understand. Is
this modern?"
CROW: No, it's from alt.non.sequitur .
TOM: Ah yes, the Non Sequitur Society. They don't make sense, but they
love pizza.
[Comm sign.]
MIKE: Pipe down, guys. Bulk and Skull are on line one.
[Flips the apropos switches and turns to face the hexfield.]
MIKE: Hi guys. What's on your mind besides your hair?
[D13. Dr. F is holding the remote-control from a toy car. He and TV's
Frank are both wearing Serdar Argic T-shirts.]
DR.F: The Invention Exchange, of course. Are you ready, Mr. Nelson?
[SoL. Mike looks at Crow.]
CROW: Five more minutes.
MIKE: You heard him, guys. You go first.
[D13. Dr.F bows grandly.]
DR.F: Thank you, Mr. Nelson. My latest contribution to the World of
Science -- Remote-Controlled Socks.
[He twiddles the remote, and Frank's feet start running around the room,
dragging him behind, getting faster and faster. Finally, Frank slides to
the floor, out of camera range, and we can track his progress only by
watching things fall over.]
Dr.F: As you can see, there are still some problems to be worked out, but
it's nothing my genius can't overcome. Now you, Mr. Nelson.
[SoL. Mike takes one of those sound-effects keychains from Tom's hand.]
MIKE: Well, as you know, there's a market for net.kook collectibles, and I
thought we could hop on that bandwagon, so...
[He presses one of the buttons on the keychain.]
DIGITIZED VOICE: This keychain is but a single speck in the Atom Totality.
MIKE: Yes, it's the Net.Kooks Talking Keychain. We've also got Abian --
KEYCHAIN: Wanna see Gifs of my daughter's theories?
MIKE: -- McElwaine --
KEYCHAIN: UnAUTHORIZED REPRODUCTION and DISSEMINATION of this IMPORTANT
INFORMATION is ENCOURAGED.
MIKE: -- and even Michael Courtney.
KEYCHAIN: In the name of Jesus, do you love me like Jesus loves me?
MIKE: So whaddya think?
[D13. Dr.F and a bedraggled TV'sF look at each other.]
DR.F: Appropriate, given the nature of today's experiment.
[SoL. Mike and the Bots look at each other with an air of impending doom.]
MIKE: You mean...we're getting a net.kook today?
[D13. Dr.F grins malevolently.]
Dr.F: Not just any net.kook. We have the great John_-_Winston...
[SoL. Mike groans.]
MIKE: Be still my spinning brain.
[D13. Dr.F rubbing his hands together fiendishly.]
DR.F: ...with a communication from the Cosmic Awareness.
[SoL. Mass sigh.]
CROW: _That's_ going to be fun.
TOM: Y'know, just once, I'd like to see that Awareness just _say_
something instead of _indicating_ all over the place.
MIKE: Quiet! We've got space-case sign!
[The theatre.]
In article <116...@cup.portal.com>, <John_-_...@cup.portal.com> wrote:
>alt.slack #7585 (26 more)
TOM: You mean we've got to sit through _more_ from J_W?
>Path: nntp.st.usm.edu!darwin.sura.net!nntp.msstate.edu!olivea!decwrl!
>+ portal.com!cup.portal.com!John_-_Winston
>From: John_-_...@cup.portal.com
TOM: How do you pronounce that "_-_" anyway?
MIKE: Just like it's spelled.
>Subject: Cosmic Awareness Information.
>Message-ID: <116...@cup.portal.com>
>Date: Mon, 11 Jul 94 06:51:03 PDT
>Organization: The Portal System (TM)
>References: <116...@cup.portal.com>
CROW: If this is a follow-up, where's the "Re" section?
MIKE: Last aisle on the right, just past Housewares.
>Lines: 114
>
>Dear Folk: Here is some information from Cosmic Awareness that has come my
>way. Stand by for news.............................................
>............................................................................
>
>Part 3 of 3.
>
>THE NEW WORLD ORDER: THE ALIEN CONNECTION
TOM: You mean George Bush is a Martian?
CROW: I think the Weekly World News space alien is his half-brother.
MIKE: Boy, _that_ explains a lot?
>(A Synopsis of the Good Guys and the Bad Guys in Space)
MIKE: I thought alt.slack was already clear on that. There's the Xists
and the Yacatisma, and that's what matters.
CROW: Is that Yacatisma or Yacatizma?
>
>COSMIC AWARENESS:
>
TOM: A power possessed by several Marvel superheroes, all of whom are
now dead.
>This Awareness indicates the New World Order is part of the alien
>agenda,
CROW: Alien _Agenda_? You mean Bob Woodward is working for these guys
too?
MIKE: How else do you think he got into the Watergate story?
>promoted by those Greys from Orion.
CROW: As opposed to those Greens from Brazil.
>The purpose being to set up
>the world for its future inclusion in the Orion Empire.
TOM: The Pirates of Orion, no less.
MIKE [sings]: Yo-ho, yo-ho, a pirate's life for me.
CROW: Y'think green Orion girls go for gold bots?
>
>This Awareness indicates that while this is planned, it is not seen as
>the only option or alternative.
MIKE: We can always destroy ourselves first.
>It is seen that the Galactic
>Confederation, which includes the Pleiadians and the Vegans and the
>Sirius groups,
TOM: R.U.Sirius?
CROW: Moo.
>are all also concerned and hoping that the earth does not
>become part of the Orion Empire, or the Draco Federation.
TOM: Is that the Draconians or the Dracs?
CROW: What's the difference? They're both big lizards.
MIKE: Not in _my_ backyard, thanks.
>This Awareness
>indicates that they prefer to see the earth become part of the Galactic
>Confederation.
>
MIKE: So why don't they invite us to join?
TOM: The Malcorians asked the same question.
>This Awareness indicates that the earth is in a particular position in
>the galaxy and has a special value in regard to the water on the earth
CROW [sings]: All day I faced/The void of space/Without the taste/Of
water/Cool...water...
>as well as that central core computer that was placed under the earth's
>surface by Orion overseers from the past,
MIKE: Overseers from the past? What, were they time-travelers?
>when they in ancient times had
>great control over this planet, and they wish to restart that computer,
TOM: And discover the Ultimate Question!
>and reclaim the planet as their own in their network.
>
CROW: Plans require the building of an Information Highway through your
star system, and your planet will have a T1 connection.
>This Awareness indicates that there have been a number of
>extraterrestrial cultures who have, in the past, made claim to the
>planet and who have either abandoned those claims and gone elsewhere, or
>who have lost control of their property through war or other conflicts,
TOM: Or done both, like the Santovasku.
>so that at present time there are disputes among these extraterrestrial
>cultures as to who really owns the earth.
>
CROW: _I'd_ say it belongs to the people living on it.
>This Awareness indicates that it is not clearly defined, even though
>there are certain cultures that would have entities believe that they
>are the true owners of the earth;
MIKE: This Awareness indicates a machete is required to traverse the
preceding sentence.
>the Reptoids date a claim back some
>ten thousand years; the Sirius groups claim to have taken control from
>the Reptoids and the Pleiadians claim spiritual connection with
>humanity.
TOM: Doesn't he mean the Canopeans?
CROW: If the Pleiadeans are Canopus, then which of these guys is Shammat?
>The Vegans see the earth as not theirs but as an ally to which
>they wish to assist and join the struggle against tyrannies from other
>extraterrestrial cultures.
>
MIKE: Free your mind and your bippy will follow.
>This Awareness indicates the Orion Greys, the tall big-nosed Greys,
TOM: "Tall big-nosed Greys"? Isn't that a contradiction in terms?
CROW: This Awareness indicates that it always believed this to be the case
regarding the situation.
>are
>those who claim some kind of ownership based on their having placed a
>computer in the subterranean levels of earth which has
TOM: Spent ten million years trying to generate the Question!
CROW: And got it in base thirteen!
>guided energies
>on the earth through grid-lines and through certain forces that were
>used through these grid-lines
MIKE: The Force will be with you. Always.
>and through their economic controls that
>have been handed down over the hundreds and thousands of years since
>that time, up till the present.
>
MIKE: Like I said...always.
>The Orion Greys appear to be in a position of economic power, wherein
>they are more powerful economically,
TOM: This Awareness indicates itself to be in a position of redundancy,
wherein it repeats itself repetitively.
>and thus hold control over other
>extraterrestrials, such as the Draconians and the Zeta Reticulans. This
>Awareness indicates the small Greys or those of the Zeta Reticuli
MIKE: Also known as the Time Dwarfs.
CROW [sings]: Let's do the Time Dwarf again!
>are
>basically mercenaries under the domination of the Draconians, the Draco
>Reptiles,
TOM: That answers _that_ question. It's not the Dracs.
CROW: I ask again, what _is_ the difference?
TOM: What's the difference between Jon Pertwee and Lou Gossett Jr.?
>which are subservient to the Orion Greys, even though they
>have greater military power and greater force.
>
TOM: How come?
>The Draconian forces have the ability to take control away from the
>Orion Greys, but the Orion Greys are such good managers of planets that
>the Draco Reptoids do not envy them of their job and therefore, let
>themselves be the military arm of the operation, while giving the
>economic and political control to the Orion forces.
>
TOM: Ask a silly question...
CROW: ...get a spaced-out answer.
>This Awareness indicates this essentially is the synopsis of what is
>occurring in the overall picture of the dispute over earth.
CROW: _This_ Awareness indicates there must have been a simpler way to
say that.
>Humanity in
>the meantime is semi-oblivious to all of this and simply goes along on
>their daily pursuit of pleasure/pain behavioral lifestyles.
MIKE [sings]: It's a fine line between pleasure and pain/You done it
once, you can do it again...
>This
>Awareness indicates that there are a very few people in the human
>population who understand much about the overall picture in regard to
>the alien presence on earth or the agenda
TOM: There's that word again. "The Agenda: Bill Clinton as a Pawn of
th Sinister Star Forces."
>of the alien presence and its
>overall intent.
>
>This Awareness indicates the Galactic Command, composed of the
>Pleiadians, Vegans, Sirius and Arcturans, is such that it keeps a low
>profile, because
MIKE: The Prime Directive forbids intervention.
>they have not been clearly invited by all of human
>representatives and governments to assist humans in throwing off the
>yoke of oppression that will come from these Draconians and Orion
>forces.
CROW: Prisoners of the Earth, come out! Storm the Reality Studio!
>In fact, most humans do not yet recognize this potential for
>enslavement by these forces, and therefore are more concerned about what
>kind of health and technology these forces may give them in terms of
>enhancing their own particular power over others on earth.
>
MIKE: If I'm going to seel the ground from unborn feet forever, I want
a good price for it!
>Those involved in these higher levels wherein there is communication
>with the aliens, are more concerned with what they are going to get out
>of the situation as individual humans
>than they are by what the agenda has in store for the rest of humanity.
>
TOM: A paperback release next summer.
>The Galactic Command simply waits with its plans and abilities and
>forces until the time is right for it to move in order to help humanity,
>if indeed humanity does seek help.
>
MIKE [sings]: Help me if you can, I'm feeling down/And I do appreciate
you bein' round/Help me levitate right off the ground/Won't you please,
please help me?
>This Awareness indicates that the recent death of Creston, also known as
>Ron Rummell, is that which has been a turning point
CROW: Couldn't That Awareness just have said that Creston's death _was_
a turning point?
TOM: This Awareness indicates that that would be very not consistent
with its celestial circumlocutive style.
>in regard to the
>Galactic Command and its understanding of the human condition, for
MIKE: Now they understand what it feels like to die as a man.
TOM: Didn't they learn that 2,000 years ago?
>this
>entity was not sent here simply to alert humanity of the presence and
>threat of the Greys and Reptoids which he assumed was his reason for
>being here.
TOM: But not _all_ here.
>The entity also was here to find out, for the Vegans and
>Arcturans and others, why it is that the humans could not stand up to
>the dark forces in regard to the money system
MIKE: They say money is the root of all evil.
CROW: Yeah, but what's the root of money?
>and the controls and power
>of those operating for the dark forces on earth. The entity having lived
>with very little income and having to depend on help from friends to
>keep his research going, had a very clear knowledge and understanding of
>the difficulties of living on earth when controlled by the money system.
>
TOM: Having the tickets is biosurvival security.
>Part 3 of 3.
>
>JW Sounds serious to me.
>
MIKE: Sounds laughable to me.
>John Winston.
[SoL. Mike reading an instruction sheet.]
MIKE: "Step Nine. Call your neighbor and inform him of the downfall of
Communism." [to hexfield] Hey Mads! Communism dies many years ago!
[D13. Frank sweeping up the wreckage left by the out-of-control socks.
Suddenly, he lifts himself bodily into the heavens.]
FRANK: Scree! Scree! The cheese has come unglued!
[SoL. Mike looks nonplussed.]
MIKE: Let me look at those instructions again. [looks] "alt.non.sequitur"
-- oh, that explains everything.
CROW: Or, at least, it pats the rhinoceros.
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