[MSTed] Liberalism is Inherently Dishonest
GB8B
MSTed by Brian Pacula
<Theme song. La la la!>
<Click, shoomp, whirr, etc.>
<The SOL. Tom is alone, operating a computer that is positioned to hide
his inoperable arms, thereby drawing attention away from the fact that
he has no way to physically use a computer. He is softly singing his weird
little song from "Monster A Go-Go" to himself.>
<Tom works at the computer for a few minutes before Crow sneaks up
behind him>
CROW: Hey, Tom! Whatcha do --
TOM: DAAAHHH!!! Crow!!! Um...HI!! Ehhehh...
<Tom tries to block the monitor with his hoverskirt>
CROW: So? Whatcha doing? <Looks at the screen> Oh, my God! That lady's
NUDE!!! And she isn't wearing any clothes! TOM!!!
MIKE <Rushing in from S.R.> Guys, what's the matter? <Looks at screen>
TOM!!!
<Commercial sign light flashes>
MIKE: You are in a *steaming* pile of trouble, mister.
<Commercials. On the road of life, there are passengers and there are
drivers.>
<Back to the SOL>
MIKE: ...And no more computer for two weeks, you hear me young man?
TOM: You're not my real Dad!
MIKE: D'oohhh...we'll deal with this later, Bob and Elizabeth Dole are
calling.
<Way down in Deep 13>
PEARL: You know Mike, the best form of discipline is still a good
thrashing with the belt. I took Clayton here over my knee many a time...
CLAYTON: Ehh, Mother...
PEARL: ...Mostly when he wouldn't stop wetting the bed.
CLAYTON: MOTHER!!!
<Cut to SOL. All are ROTFL. Cut back to Deep 13>
CLAYTON: D'ohh!!! Laugh now, boobies, because you're in for some deep
hurting! Send 'em the movie, Fra -- oh. <Presses button>
<Cut to SOL>
ALL: <still laughing> AAAaaauuuggghhh! USENET siiign!
<Whirr, shoomp, click, etc.>
>Path: newsbf01.news.aol.com!newstf01.news.aol.com!newsjunkie.ans.net!
>newsfeeds.ans.net!howland.reston.ans.net!
MIKE: Remember the names of these servers. They will be on the test at
the end of this post.
>nntp.coast.net!news.kei.com!newsfeed.internetmci.com!in2.uu.net
>!news.htp.net!usenet
>From: Scott Wolfe <wand...@fia.net>
TOM: Sayyy, isn't he that dreamy guy on "Party of Five?"
CROW: <Gasps with mock delight>
MIKE: Shhh. I'd refrain from mentioning "Party of Five" if I were you.
TOM: Why?
MIKE: You might give Dr. Forrestor ideas...
>Newsgroups: alt.censorship,alt.activism,alt.activism.d,
>alt.current-events.clinton.whitewater,
MIKE & CROW: <singing> Some thiiiings will never chaaaange...
TOM: The song is *Backwater* guys, not Whitewater.
>alt.discrimination,atl.politics.usa.constitution,alt.conspiracy,
>alt.fan.rush-limbaugh,alt.politics.radical-left,alt.rush-limbaugh,
>alt.politics.democrats.d,alt.usa.congress
>Subject: LIBERALISM IS INHERENTLY DISHONEST!!!!!!!
CROW: Ohh man, this is going to be a rough one.
MIKE: Now, give it time, Crow. There's a good chance that Scott Wolfe will
make a concise and well-though out argument.
CROW: Really?
MIKE: Well, no.
>Date: 15 Mar 1996 16:51:02 GMT
>Organization: Wanderlust Travel
>Lines: 138
>Message-ID: <4ic75o$1...@news.htp.net>
>NNTP-Posting-Host: ts1p1.calypso.com
CROW: <singing> My name iiisss Calypso...
>Mime-Version: 1.0
TOM: Mime version 1.1 has the "invisible box" feature.
CROW: Well, Mime '95 is going to add "walking up the side of a building
with a rope."
TOM: Yeah, but I hear there's a lot of bugs still in it.
>Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii
>Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit
>X-Mailer: Mozilla 1.1N (Macintosh; I; 68K)
CROW: <Badly dubbed Japanese voice> Oh, no! Mozilla is attacking the city!
>X-URL: news:alt.censorship
>Xref: newsbf01.news.aol.com alt.censorship:78401 alt.activism:111620
>alt.activism.d:20812 alt.current-events.clinton.whitewater:36450
>alt.discrimination:45804 alt.conspiracy:129066
alt.fan.rush-limbaugh:305179
>alt.politics.radical-left:85060 alt.rush-limbaugh:74939
>alt.politics.democrats.d:76497
>Liberalism is Inherently Dishonest
MIKE: Place your trust in true conservative patriots such as Oliver
North, George Bush, and Richard Nixon instead.
> Rush Limbaugh said it best: the support for liberalism is a mile
>wide, but an inch deep.
MIKE: We're gonna leave that one alone, right guys?
CROW: Fine.
TOM: Oh, loosen up.
> Anyone who cares to honestly examine the evidence will find that
TOM: You *won't* save money with MCI's Friends and Family rates.
>statement to 100% true: people from all walks of life have shortcomings
>and want to improve - or, some of them say - and, as a first resort,
>tend to cry to the biggest and most powerful entity anywhere:
CROW: Bill Gates?
MIKE: Mike Ovitz?
>the U.S.
>government, when they should be looking inward.
TOM: <Mr. B Natural> The spirit of music is in *you!*
> Such people are, sad to say, victums of American liberalism.
MIKE: <John Walsh> American Liberalism has killed twelve people to date.
He is approximately six feet tall and weighs about 160 pounds. He has a
tattoo of Jerry Brown on his left arm. If you see anyone matching this
description...
>That is
>to say, be seduced, and then be babied. The seduction , first of all,
>the anouncement of domestic social programs as solutions to problems
>in society often sounds great on the surface, and the liberal politicians
>aim to only expose that surface to keep thier gullible followers in the
>dark as to the reality.
CROW: Midnight basketball is a tool of the Freemasons.
TOM: Did you know that if exactly 1,666,666 single mothers are on
welfare in the year 2000, mighty Cthulhu will rise from his tomb in
R'lyeh?
MIKE: <Gasps in horror>
>What idiot would buy a beautiful sportscar
>without even checking under the hood to see if there is an engine?
CROW: This is not my beautiful car. This is not my beautiful wife!
>Such
>people are all too often victums
TOM: Misspell me once, typo; misspell me twice...
MIKE: ...Failed high school English.
>of liberalism: symbolism over
>substance, and the ends justify the means. Those means have all the
>integrity of a Hollywood stage set.
> So, when did liberalism start? That's really an awkward question,
>because liberal is such a vague word.
CROW: <Minnesotan Lady> Ooh, I don't keep up with politics that much.
>On a personal level, there have
>always been kind, caring people who have been gererous with thier own
>resources on thier own initiative,
TOM: And could not afford spell checkers for *their* word processors.
>and they could indeed be called
>liberals. The government's definition of liberal is, in contrast, thier
>being "generous" with others' (yours and mine) money, with our
>agreement or without, effectivly outright theft!
MIKE: Because darn it, the gap between the rich and the poor *should*
be enormous!
>Our money is used to fund ever
>more and ever-growing social programs like there's no tomorrow to
>"help" the less fortunate people by handing them welfare checks without
>a second thought.
CROW: Someone should hand this guy a few commas.
>Again, on the surface, helping people that way sure
>sounds good, until you look under the surface.
TOM: Where you'll find plaque, which causes gum disease.
> The money to fund these programs is based on the fiat money printed
>at will by the Federal Reserve, a privately owned and run bank, and the
>sky is the limit; nothing tangible backs the dollar, which means that
>money has no intrisic value, and really exists only in our minds, and
>can therefore be counterfeited and manipulated in any number of ways.
MIKE: Scott Wolfe, the existential economist.
> Tangible is finite and intangible is infinite,
TOM: <Fast, to Crow> Yes is no and no is yes. Do you want me to hit you?
CROW: Uhhh...no. I mean yes!
<Tom somehow manages to punch Crow with one of his inoperable arms>
CROW: Ow!
MIKE: Tom, be nice.
>which means that there
>is no accountability for the intangible. The money supply is
>constitutionally supposed to be in a tangible amount, as is the
>population as a whole. The increased amount or unconstitutional fiat
>money seemingly proportionally increases the liberals' powers of
>seduction,
MIKE: <Barry White> Ohh, Baby. How'd you like some...nonexistent cash...
CROW: <Falsetto> Oooohhh...
MIKE: <Still Barry White> ...Then maybe some...intangible lovin'...
>and magnifes the notion of "caring". That's liberalism in a
>nutshell: handouts with no accountability.
TOM: D'oh, that wacky liberalism.
> With the government infiltrating virtually every area of our lives
>under the veil of "caring", it has gradually conditioned people that the
>government is the hub of everything, and the be-all and end-all of every
>problem.
MIKE: Um, I have rickets.
CROW: <50's Announcer> Government can help you!
TOM: There's a girl I want to ask out, but she doesn't know I exist.
CROW: <same> Have you asked Government to help?
MIKE: I can't get past level eight in DOOM.
CROW: <same> Government can help you with that!
TOM: <sobbing> I don't know how to read.
CROW: <same> Yes, Government can help you too!
> Sounds great, doesn't it? (Not!)
TOM: Oh, quoting Mike Myers gives this guy a *lot* of credibility.
>Ah, but look under the surface, if
>you can get through the liberal haze!
MIKE: Also known as "pot smoke."
CROW: Hey, I thought we weren't supposed to encourage this guy!
MIKE: Sorry, it was just too easy.
> (A) The liberal press shouts so loudly about that beautiful surface,
>about the "compassionate" government, that they've effectively made any
>private solutions irrelevant at best.
TOM: I love this guy's logic. Government shouldn't help the poor, and
individuals can't make a difference.
> (B) They won't mention the tremendous overhead involved with the
>liberal programs, and you can bet that's by design: roughly 72 cents of
>every tax dollar is spent by those liberal politicians on themselves,
>and the remaining 28 cents is spent on what they say all of the tax
>money is used for - chump change!
MIKE: This statistic is so obvious that I won't even bother to name its
source.
TOM: So, has this guy mentioned what he's listing yet?
> (C) So many of the good, decent people who aren't privy to that will
>scream that "the government doesn't spend enough!", and don't give the
>private sources a thought, or worse, what they themselves can do.
TOM: Why, the money that fell between the cushions of your sofa alone
should be enough to help the millions of Americans born into poverty!
>Even
>worse is the type of person with the attitude that they minister to the
>poor by paying taxes, but wouldn't be caught dead actually helping in
>any practical way. The liberals have exploited and brainwashed these
>people to the attitude: "why should I get my hands dirty when the
>government is getting thiers' dirty with my taxes?"
<All moan>
CROW: Well, this guy is officially evil.
> It's great for others to share the burded
TOM: What the hell is a burded?
>when we're going through
>hard times, but when one forces his or its way "in" to "share" the
>burded,
MIKE: The "evil" "Marxist" "liberals" will take your "money" while
secretly "oppressing" those they claim to "help."
>resentment and hard feelings inevitably result, but the liberal
>press swiftly label them as "uncaring". Wheather the case
CROW: I'd just like to weather this *post.*
>is teen
>pregnancy, welfare, farm subsidies, some gimmick to empower
>attournies, or any number of other things, that label will be tabbed on
>anyone who disagrees, while censoring his explanations to the contrary.
MIKE: And we all know that our friends the Republicans never want to
censor anything.
> What are the social programs really all about? Good question!
TOM: But I'm going to give you a bad answer!
>The
>liberals "care" by giving money to the above and other groups of people
>and any "cuts"
CROW: Are treated with peroxide.
>(which are actually slowdowns in the rate of increase)
TOM: Mike, what does that mean?
MIKE: I have no idea.
CROW: This guy operates on his own private logic.
TOM: As well has his own private way of spelling.
>are called "cruel and heartless"! Despite the rhetoric we hear so much
>of, there is virtually no emphasis to get to the deepest roots of any
>problem!
CROW: I wonder what the roots of poverty are in Scott Wolfe's little
world.
>Nowadays, "you can't push your morality on others!" Those
>programs are, as the liberal politicians well know, like taking a
>lawnmower to weeds. They won't show for a while, but they're all still
>very much there.
TOM: My solution? Legalize hunting the poor for sport.
>Liberals have no intentions of solving society's
>problems, but to keep thier victums in thier situations, because that's
>thier power base.
CROW: Mike, I demand that you kill me.
TOM: Me too.
MIKE: Stay cool, guys, it's almost over.
CROW: I don't care. Kill me anyway.
> Power is, after all that's been said and done, the only thing
>liberals care about,
MIKE: And all liberals are exactly the same.
>and they're out to seduce as many gullible people
>as they can. Think about it: being seduced is much easier than being
>educated,
CROW: Because education doesn't involve having sex, for instance.
>because it doesn't require any thought or effort. For every
>measure "shared", or acutally taked from people in the form of a welfare
>check or the like, an equal measure of our own power is ceded to the
>government.
TOM: Jesus cries every time you give a homeless guy a dollar.
>The amount of inner power (to make our own decisions and
>make our own destiny) is finite.
MIKE: We are all cogs in the capitalist machine.
CROW: And that's the way it should be!
> Rush Limbaugh, although he's in reality an establishment
>conservative, has observed another absolute truth: liberalism destroys
>the human spirit.
TOM: I will destroy you, Jet Jaga'ar!
>Too many people have been effectivly been bought and
>sold with the attitude that the government should be responsible for
>them, while they live wild, irresponsible lifestyles.
CROW: Yeah, those welfare mothers live thrilling lives of nonstop parties
and fun.
>The liberals have
>engineered that farce, because they wany us all to be reliant on them in
>as many ways as possible.
MIKE: Because they're all unholy communist minions of Beelzebub. Every
single one of them. Think about it, won't you?
> In earlier times, murderers were blamed for murder, teens were blamed
>for thier pregnancies, etc., etc.
TOM: The prevailing misinformation and prudishness about sex had nothing
to do with that one, folks.
>Today, conservatives get the blame
>for everything for not spending enough on programs, and the "caring"
>liberals are cheered for making new laws, raising taxed, and expanding
>the size the scope of the government.
CROW: And for having miserable spelling and grammar.
>Alcholics Annonymous would call
>liberals "enablers", and boot them out thier doors.
MIKE: Once again, I'll just make something up to get my point across.
> There are, again, three camps of liberals:
MIKE: The evil liberals, the *really* evil liberals, and the really,
really, *REALLY* evil liberals.
>those who lust for power
>and glory by insulting peoples' intelligence by lying and seduction, the
>good, caring but naive people who are more emotional than intellectual
>and are therefore more easily misguided, and the very selfish and
>careless people who think that people should be allowed to pursue any
>pleasure they want, and avoid the consequences.
MIKE: Oh, but I'm kidding, of course. There's only one type of liberal,
the
greedy Socialist crack-addicted atheistic swine who'll bleed you dry and
destroy everything you find to be wholesome, sweet and pure.
> That first group are the politicians, and are out to monopolize
>everything, and they're well on thier way: they control TV, radio news,
>newspapers, magazines, universities,
CROW: Frozen foods, the Vatican...
TOM: Cultural anthropology, the Internet...
>ad infinitum. They've yet to
>totally silence churches and other
TOM: <suddenly snaps> END! EEEND! EEEEEENNNNDDD!!!
MIKE: Tom, it's okay, you're gonna be alright...
TOM: <sobbing> No...it's too late...
>charities, constitutionalists, or
>anyone who disagrees with them, but you can bet your bottom dollar they
>intend to!
> Liberals are so intellectually empty that they do the childish thing:
>they call names and attach labels to those who disagree with them, while
MIKE: Soiling their shorts, eating paste, and breastfeeding.
>censoring thier comments and anything else they may have to say, to
>discredit them, hoping to seduce more victums.
CROW: Is the implication by this constant "seduction" analogy that
liberals are sex fiends, too?
MIKE: Um, probably.
>They tend to totally
>disregard history and cry "this is today". Thier unspoken message is
>that government, if big and powerful enough, can outfox any stubborn
>fact, even including the laws of nature!
MIKE: <Cheerful> Liberals! Inhuman demonic non-euclidean perverted
mindless hateful spawn of all that is dark and ungodly!
<Tom continues to cry>
>Incredible arrogance!
CROW: ...Can be found in this here post!
> Liberals' tactics would do Joseph Goebells proud!
TOM: NOOOOoohh oohh oohhh...!!!!! <Keeps crying, only with redoubled
force>
>If we have the
>same opinion the liberals had 51 years ago on practically any issue,
>we're "hatemongers"!
MIKE: This is true! I know this! I'm omniscient!
> What is a hatemonger anyhow?
CROW: You are!
>Well, since liberalism is inherently
>dishonest, a hatemonger would apear to be someone who lies and exploits
>people with no real intention to help them,
MIKE: What that has to do with hate, we're not sure...
>liberals are the ultimate
>hatemongers! That's right, lying is hate!
CROW: Isn't that one of the slogans of Ingsoc?
MIKE: No, you're thinking of "War is Peace" or something.
>
>Attention! If you like to travel, check out my web page!
>http://www.fia.net/elite/
>Mention this newsgroup and pay only $30 instead of $40! Sorry, but you
>liberals will have to pay $50.
MIKE: <Laughing incredulously> We're supposed to *pay* to visit his
website?
CROW: It's *over.* Thank God.
<Click, shoomp, whirrr, etc>
MIKE: How are you feeling, Tom?
TOM: *sniff* Okay, I guess.
MIKE: Look, since you were such a trooper during that...post, I'm not
gonna
hold you to your punishment.
TOM: Really.
MIKE: Yes. But I don't want you on alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.unix ever
again, okay?
TOM: Okay.
CROW: Whaddaya think, sirs?
<Deep 13>
PEARL: I'm sorry, Art, I had to give Clayton a time-out for sassing me.
CLAYTON: <Muffled, offscreen> Mootheerr! Let me out of here!!!
PEARL: He'll have to talk to you later. <Presses button.>
\ | /
\ | /
- - o - -
/ | \
/ | \
<Credits>
MST3K and all related characters situations names and suchlike are
trademark and copyright Best Brains Inc and no challenge to any
copyrights or trademarks are implied. No personal attack on Scott Wolfe
should be inferred from this post, I'm just poking a little harmless fun
at
his politics. Whatever you do Br'er Fox, don't sue me!
>The money to fund these programs is based on the fiat money printed
>at will by the Federal Reserve, a privately owned and run bank, and the
>sky is the limit; nothing tangible backs the dollar, which means that
>money has no intrisic value, and really exists only in our minds, and
>can therefore be counterfeited and manipulated in any number of ways.
**********************************************
BRIAN PACULA
---------------------------------
EMAIL: gb...@aol.com
WWW: http://users.aol.com/gb8b/
**********************************************
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