MSTed: The Captain and the Doctor (1/1)
Jamie Plummer
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6-5-4-3-2-1
BRIDGE: The bridge is... empty.
[Commercial: As Ralph Malph and Wendy Jo Sperber cavort about, Penn Gilette
says: Here at Comedy Central, we bring the T&A to U! That's why we're proud
to announce the debut of T&A Sunday! The day of rest and worship is now a
day of skin! We'll be showing one great movie 12 times, so you can't miss
it! Up this week, it's "Stewardess School." Next week, "Zapped!"
Comedy Central. Cable's new "Gotta see, gotta have" network!"]
Four bright lights orbit the SATELLITE OF LOVE.
CROW: Being pure energy is cool and stuff, Mike... but it's getting a bit old.
MIKE: It's not quite what I expected either. The most exciting thing we've
done so far is buzz the Freemen complex.
TOM: Do I really resemble a black helicopter? Am I putting on weight?
CROW: This whole thing bites! I still don't even get to decide who lives and
who dies... Does anyone else hear that?
GYPSY:Hear what?
CROW: That ringing.
MIKE: I don't hear anything.
TOM: I think you're losing it, goldenboy.
CROW: Maybe it's my phone... hello?
MIKE: [to TOM] What phone? We're pure energy! We don't have phones...
TOM: [to MIKE] I have NO idea.
[DEEP 13]
MRS. F: Art? Is that you?
CROW: Pearl! It's so nice to hear from you! How's life?
MRS. F: Art, I gotta tell ya, baby Clayton is a handful... and quite a diaperful, if you know what I mean.
CROW: Huh. You don't say.
MRS. F: Yeah, and anyway it's just been so crazy down here, I was hoping you could help me with something.
CROW: Sure, anything I can do...
MRS. F: Clayton keeps the rent money tucked away in a satellite up there.
Could you float or do whatever it is you do and grab it for me?
CROW: Maybe for a slice of your cob-bler!
MRS. F: You fiend! Anyway, it's in geosynchronous orbit over...
[SOL]
CROW: Uh-huh... Uh-huh. Got it! C'mon guys, let's go.
MIKE: Go where.
CROW: Run an errand for Pearl.
MIKE: I don't know about this...
GYPSY: I think I better keep an eye on things here...
TOM: Later, Gypsy!
[Crow, Tom, and Mike whiz off in a southeasterly direction. They come to a
communications satellite.]
MIKE: [reading] "Radford University Experimental..."
TOM: I've got a bad feeling about this.
CROW: Follow me, whee!
[They zip into the satellite.]
CROW: What the? There's no rent money here!
MIKE: We better get out of here...
TOM: Does anyone else feel an impending sense of doom?
MIKE: Wait, guys... there's a transmission coming up...
: From murdoch!
CROW: Mannix!
: hearst.
TOM: Muckity-muck.
: acc.Virginia.EDU!newslink.runet.edu!not-for-mail
MIKE: not-for-human-consumption
: Thu Apr 25 18:04:47 1996
CROW: [FDR] A date that will live in infamy!
: Xref: murdoch alt.startrek.creative:36196
: Path: murdoch!hearst.acc.Virginia.EDU!newslink.runet.edu!not-for-mail
: From: srat...@runet.edu (Stephen Ratliff)
ALL: AAAAGH!
MIKE: Crow, what were you thinking?
CROW: Surely this isn't Pearl's doing!
: Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative
: Subject: TNG The Captain and the Doctor
: Date: 25 Apr 1996 18:40:01 GMT
: Organization: Radford University
: Lines: 467
TOM: This won't be too bad, we can make it through 467 lines, right guys..?
CROW: Don't count on it.
: Message-ID: <4logu1$4...@newslink.runet.edu>
: NNTP-Posting-Host: europa.sunlab.cs.runet.edu
: X-Newsreader: TIN [UNIX 1.3 950824BETA PL0]
: Star Trek
: The Next Generation
MIKE: The Next Next Generation...
: The Captain and the Doctor
TOM: Brace yourselves...
: A Marrissa Story
: By Stephen Ratliff
MIKE: C'mon guys, we can make it!
: Prologue
: The Enterprise-E was just days from launch when Captain Jean-Luc
: Picard convened the status meeting. Lieutenant Commander Worf had
: arrived from Deep Space Nine, per the Captain's request to serve as
CROW: ... a sweeps week stunt.
: Chief of Security for the first mission of the new Enterprise. After
: the mission he would of course be returning to Deep Space Nine.
MIKE: They need him to fight the Arbitron High Council.
: Lieutenant Commander Data and Lieutenant Commander LaForge had been
: working out the problems on the new Enterprise for nearly a month.
: The rest of the crew, Captain included, had been using some of
: their accumulated shore leave.
CROW: ... to gather information and expereince exotic diseases.
: Counselor Troi was just back from
: Betazed, where she had been fending off her mothers attempts at
: matchmaking.
TOM: She retaliated by setting up her mothers with Paul Reiser and Greg Evigan.
: Commander Riker had just returned from Risa. Lieutenant
: Marrissa Picard had just returned from a school in the former United
: States where she had been recruiting for Starfleet.
MIKE: Wait a minute, wasn't she a Captain-cum-Princess in that last story
we read?
TOM: Maybe this is a Ratliff prequel?
MIKE: Oh, so this story will help put the later "Marissa Storys" in context,
and enhance our understanding of and empathy for the protagonist?
TOM: Don't count on it.
: Doctor Beverly
: Crusher had spent the last month, according to the Counselor in a small
: village away from it all. Captain Picard had spent the time in his
: hometown, settling the affairs at his families vineyard.
TOM: "Families?"
CROW: You know those French, with their quasi-legal mistresses and what-not.
: The observation lounge of the Enterprise-E was different than
: the one on the D. The dimensions where about the same, however, instead
: of tan it was a blue-gray color. Along the inside walls, there were six
: spaces for paintings.
TOM: I feel like I'm really there!
: The first five where of the most famous crews of
: each Enterprise. The last was covered, as Captain Picard was still
: waiting for the final staff assignments before he completed it.
MIKE: The suspense is ... somewhat palpable.
: The table in the center of the room around which the crew was
: arranged was shaped like the one on the D, but that was all that was
: alike. The table top was of a navy blue tinted glass, where the old had
: been black. The sides where edged in a six inch strip of oak. The
: supports which on the D had been granite, where of the same oak as the
: edging.
CROW: And whereof the oak of the first part dropped the acron of the
second part...
: The people sitting around the table had not changed much
: however. Captain Picard was still at the head, ready to receive the
: opinions of his crew. Commander Riker was still at his left, ready,
: willing and able to assist.
CROW: Nose as brown as ever.
: Lieutenant Commander Data had changed a
: bit, his face now boasted signs of his new emotions chip, in the form of
: a smile that graced his face. Next in line was Lieutenant Commander Worf,
: now in red. At the end of the table sat the newest edition to the
: Command Crew, Lieutenant Marrissa Picard,
TOM: It's Marissa '95!
CROW: It's the premium foil-cover gold-plated Marissa #0!
MIKE: With more dandruff protection!
: Chief CONN officer.
CROW: [eerie falsetto] Knew your father, I did!
: Her hair
: was pulled back in her usual ponytail, the quickest way she could fix
: her long blond hair on a bad hair day. Beginning the run back up the
: other side was Lieutenant Commander LaForge,
MIKE: entering the second leg of the Rigel Marathon.
: scanning his PADDs full of
: updates on the new ship. Next was the Ship's Counselor, Commander
: Deanna Troi, in full uniform projecting an image of peace.
CROW: Which isn't hard when you're as vapid as she is!
: Back next to
: the Captain, the Doctor sat. A smile graced the lips of the red haired
: sprite, Doctor Beverly Crusher had something up her sleeve.
TOM: [Bullwinkle] Presto!
: "Lets get down to business, Ladies and Gentlemen," Captain
: Picard said. "Commander Riker, crew status?"
: "All those who are scheduled to arrive before our mission have
: arrived," Commander Riker reported. "All crew members are back from
: shore leave."
: "Doctor, crew health?" Picard asked.
: "The only problem we've encountered is a rash caused by the new
: bed padding," Doctor Crusher replied.
CROW: [Crusher] It seems I always get a strange rash from your bedding,
Jean-Luc.
: "I've asked Commander LaForge to
: see about getting some of the old padding."
: "Commander?"
: "Star Fleet informs me that the old padding type will arrive
: within the hour," Commander LaForge replied.
: "Thank you Commander," Doctor Picard replied.
: "Now Commander LaForge, you promised me a fully operational
: starship in two weeks, I gave you a month, so is my ship ready?" Captain
: Picard asked.
TOM: Okay, let me get this straight. In 400 years, we'll be able to break
the known laws of physics on a weekly basis, but we haven't
discovered the answer to bed-rash?
MIKE: Apparently so...
: "Fortunately, yes Captain," LaForge replied smiling. "If she
: performs like she tests the Enterprise will go Warp 10 and stop on a
: dime."
: "Query Geordi, stop on a dime?" Data asked.
: "Old Earth expression meaning to stop quickly," LaForge
: replied.
CROW: [LaForge] You see, Data, in the Great Bird's future, man has moved
beyond the dismal science, to a world where everyone is inherently
good and dares not question the utopian order.
: "Oh, to end, to halt, to come to a stand still ..."
: "That's enough Data," Picard interrupted.
: "Have I been babbling again?" Data asked.
: "Yes, but it's nice to know something's don't change," Commander
: Riker replied.
: "Speaking of change, the Doctor and I have an announcement,"
: Captain Picard said, as he took the Doctor's hand. "Beverly has
MIKE: ... Depends. And she can change herself.
: accepted my proposal, as soon as we can find another Captain we will be
: getting married."
: "Congratulations, Captain, Beverly," Counselor Troi replied,
: bubbling over.
TOM: Sickbay! Get a lid to the Observation Lounge! The Betazoid is simmering!
CROW: And, for God's sake, don't forget the lemon curry!
: "Congratulations, Captain, Doctor," Commander Riker said. "When
: did this come about."
: "Will, I guess I did a better job hiding my affections than I
: thought," Captain Picard replied.
: "No, not really Captain, I need to know the date of your
: proposal so I can award the Crew Betting pool on the subject," Commander
: Riker said.
: "Two days ago, Commander," Captain Picard replied, then getting
: stern he continued, "And how long has this pool been going on, and how
: much is in it?"
: "The first entry is for Stardate 43057, by Nurse Ogawa," Riker
: replied.
MIKE: That doesn't make any sense! Crusher would have just been returning
from her season off-ship!
CROW: Fanboy.
: "The current pot is 5768 credits. Mister Data, I believe you
: know who our winner is."
JOEL: [Art Fern] Mmm-hmm, that's good pot, mm-hmm!
TOM: What the? Where did that come from?
MIKE: I don't do that impression, so I used this old .wav.
TOM: Oh...
: "Lieutenant Marrissa Picard has Stardate 48570, Commander," Data
: replied.
: "Marrissa, what did I tell you about gambling?" Captain Picard
: replied.
: "Dad, I only bought one date," Marrissa replied.
CROW: [Marissa] I took a paid escort to the Kids' Crew Prom! There! I said it!
: "And I won the
: credit at the poker game you brought me too."
: "Well, if that's the case, I guess I can let it go," Captain
: Picard said. "Now if you don't mind, the Doctor and I have some things
: we need to attend too." The Doctor and the Captain left the room.
: "So, Marrissa how did you guess that date," Riker asked. "After
: all you bought the date six months ago."
: "Observation and prediction, Commander, nothing more," Marrissa
: replied smiling.
: "Observation, Lieutenant?" Commander Riker inquired.
: "Observation," Marrissa stated firmly, not willing to elaborate
: more anywhere other than her Personal Logs.
TOM: Where she detailed the the chemical composition of the hypnotic drugs
she slipped in her father's synthahol. Compounds that Marissa, a
budding alchemist, had cooked up in her spare time.
: Chapter One
: The First Indication
CROW: The first indication this will be painful. We've only made throught the
prologue!
: Marrissa had just gotten back from the Maine with her new
: Ensign's pip
TOM: "pip"... Grate Expectations?
CROW: I think you mean GREAT Expectations.
TOM: No, no... Grate Expectations, by the Charles Dickens, the well-known
Dutch author.
MIKE: Will you two cut that out?!
: when she first encountered it. While she and the Captain,
: her new adoptive father had settled in to the remodeled quarters,
: Marrissa had been surprised when the Doctor stopped by.
: "Just checking to see if you and Marrissa are settling in," the
: Doctor had said.
: "I think we are getting on fine," the Captain had replied.
: "We still on for our usual breakfast?" the Doctor inquired.
: "I don't see any reason why not," her adoptive father replied.
TOM: So Beverly and Marissa are sisters now?
: It had seemed innocent enough, a regular breakfast between two
: Star Fleet Officers, discussing the crew, the days events, the usual for
: such morning meetings.
CROW: Until somebody DIES!
TOM: Why don't they look?
: But Marrissa quickly noticed something as she
: ate her toast with strawberry jam and drank her strawberry juice.
MIKE: Strawberry jam is made of PEOPLE!
: There
: was a undercurrent of tension, of something they where trying to hold
: back.
: Marrissa excused herself,
CROW: Marissa had the vapors.
: and left early for class. All the
: while puzzling, what was going on between her father, the Captain and
: the Doctor?
TOM: After the girls went to the gym to watch a film, the pieces began
to fall in place.
: The next day she stayed longer, her class that day beginning
: much later.
MIKE: Besides, it's not like she hadn't skipped English before.
: When the Doctor and the Captain left she noticed their
: exiting comments, "Good day Jean-Luc," and "I'll see you on the Bridge
: later, I hope Beverly." Marrissa then figured they were just friends.
: Or perhaps she was just seeing a stage in the relationship, a stage
: which would change to something different.
MIKE: Marissa picked up on these things easily, being a regular reader of
"Ask Beth."
: She went back to studying,
: this was a puzzle she had plenty of time to study, after all Captain
: Jean-Luc Picard was her father now.
TOM: Marissa had no qualms about interfering in the life of the man who
had adopted her for no discernable reason.
: Later in that week, Commander Riker assigned her as Alpha Shift
: CONN Officer for a weeks trial.
MIKE: Her week-long shift continued until her fifteenth birthday as Judge
Lance Riker lost all control of the proceedings.
: Ensign Picard, as she was referred to
: on the bridge had a new field to observe the Captain and the Doctor.
MIKE: Their interracial affair bloomed in front of millions as they worked
tirelessly to convict the football star.
CROW: Mike, buddy! Snap out of it!
MIKE: Sorry...
: She noted that when the Doctor was expected to stay in Sickbay
: and their was nothing interesting going on, the Captain spent most of
: Alpha shift in his Ready Room. However, the moment the Doctor arrived
: the Captain was on the Bridge, ready to chat, to hear what ever the
: Doctor had to say. Even occasional retreat back to the Ready Room for a
: more intimate chat.
TOM: The holodeck's Camp David program was another popular getaway.
: Maybe they where better friends that she thought, the Captain
: and the Doctor.
: After a month the Captain and the Doctor came in to conflict as
: two officers in their positions often do.
ALL: [Trek fight music] o/~ Dah-dah-dah-dah-dah DAH-dah-da-da-da o/~
: The Doctor had beamed down to
: assist some injured villagers on some nameless planet
CROW: Ratliff's getting lazy.
TOM: Nothing to complain about. Just be glad we were spared the planet's
royal genealogy.
: when Data noted
: that the dam upstream was about to burst. The Doctor would not leave
: until the last of her patients were safely away.
: When the Doctor had returned, she reported to the Captain in his
: quarters, Marrissa listening at the door.
: "Doctor, I do not want to see nor hear of you pulling such a
: delaying tactic again," the Captain lectured.
MIKE: [Picard] Starfleet declared the Hippocratic Oath treasonous decades ago!
: "Captain, do not tell me how to do my job and I will not tell
: you how to do yours," was the Doctors angry reply.
CROW: There had been yet another transporter accident, and there were now
five Doctor Crushers on board.
: The Captain paused ... and thought for a moment. ""You were
: only doing you job," he conceded. "But you could have been killed ...
: you only got out of there with a minute to spare."
: "How come you except a minute to spare from Geordi, Data, and
: Worf," the Doctor replied. "But can't grant that to me, I'm just doing
: my job, just like them."
: "Perhaps it's because I care," was the Captain's response,
TOM: [Picard] You think I give Bajoran rat's ass about that collection of
microchips?! Or Kunta and his hi-fi goggles?!
: as Marrissa withdrew into her room. There were times to leave the Captain
: and the Doctor alone.
: Marrissa considered the Doctor with care, after all if this
: relationship was going where she thought it was, the Doctor would be her
: mother to be.
MIKE: Someday, they could be engaged to be engaged!
: She considered the Doctors talents ... no former Chief of
: Starfleet Medical could be considered second rate. She considered
: calling up Wesley to ask about the Doctor as a mother, but decided that
: could wait. The Captain and the Doctor weren't going that fast.
: Chapter Two
: The Fire is Lit.
CROW: Fire in the Hole!
TOM: Ratliff Romance at 12 o'clock! Take cover!
: Marrissa figured she'd grow up on the Enterprise-D, but, alas it
: was not fated to be. The Enterprise-D crashed and burned, like her
: cousin Rene, and Uncle Robert, just a week before.
MIKE: Marissa's family was on MADD's "naughty" list.
: That crash, no those deaths in France, that was what changed the
: relationship between the Captain and the Doctor. Marrissa had seen the
: tears in his eyes when he had learnt that Robert was dead with his son
: Rene. She knew the tears she saw when the Captain found the remains of
: the Enterprise-D where not for the ship, not even for the late Captain
: Kirk. No the tears where for Rene, the last male Picard. She knew that
: her company gave him solace, that at least until she married, there
: would be another Picard, even though she carried none of his blood.
CROW: What the hell is he talking about?
MIKE: You don't want to know. You'd have to read the "Compleat Marissa Storys"
and watch the seventh season of TNG.
: But Marrissa knew better by the time they arrived in France to
: settle Robert's affairs. The Captain needed more than she could
: provide. He needed the Doctor. She decided to talk to the Counselor.
TOM: [Marissa] I'll get my OWN Ph. D. tomorrow! He won't need that wench
anymore.
: Marrissa caught up with Counselor Troi at Starfleet Command, just
: outside the Academy. "Counselor, a word if you will," Marrissa hailed.
MIKE: Marissa's not an expert Password player, is she?
TOM: She's no Betty White, that's for sure.
: "Certainly, Marrissa," Deanna Troi replied. "You know Marrissa,
: you are picking up your father's manner of speaking."
TOM: And you're picking up every Klingon who'll give you the time of day.
: "I take that as a compliment," Marrissa replied. "Just as long
: as I haven't caught that English accent of his. A Frenchman with an
: English accent."
: "That is a little odd," Troi conceded. "Now what did you want
: to talk about."
MIKE: Oh, for fun! Ratliff is needling TNG foibles!
: "The relationship between the Captain and the Doctor," Marrissa
: said. "You know more about it than I do. After all I've only been his
: daughter for a little less than a year."
: "Your father has always had an attraction to Beverly," Troi
: began. "The doctor has had an attraction at least since she returned
: from her turn as Head of Star Fleet Medical."
CROW: [Troi] But I gave him this cream...
: "I know that," Marrissa replied. "I want to know why it hasn't
: gone anywhere."
CROW: [Troi] That would be the ibuprofen...
: "Doctor Crusher has been waiting for the Captain's first move,"
: Deanna Troi noted. "As for the Captain, I think their are many reasons.
: For instance his reluctance to have attachments with those under his
: command..."
: "...due to the fact that such attachments may effect his
: judgment," Marrissa finished. "I've encountered that one. It's why he
: said he didn't want me to get my Ensigns pip. I'll probably have to do
: something spectacular to get my full lieutenancy."
MIKE: Like save the world - again.
: "Then their is the fact that he doesn't want to risk their
: friendship," Troi pointed out. "Its not an uncommon excuse."
: "Yes, but something better happen soon," Marrissa responded.
: "Dad's depressed, the death of his brother and nephew Rene hit him hard.
: He spends most of his time up in the attic, looking though the old junk,
: crying.
CROW: Trying on Victorian dresses and frightening the crew...
: He needs to get out, get involved. Kinda like you got me into
: getting the Kid's Crew in shape and fully organized after my parents
: death. Only their is no ship for to keep Dad busy."
TOM: Perhaps he could teach his Counselor and daughter second grade grammar.
MIKE: Do they not have AIRS in the 24th Century?
: "So you think that getting him interested in the Doctor may do
: the trick," Troi concluded. "Not a bad idea, and they have wanted the
: relationship for quite some time. If anything now is the best time we
: could hope. Say Marrissa do you need a new dress?"
ALL: "Marissa do you need a new dress?"
: "New dress, I don't own a dress," Marrissa replied, some what
: puzzled.
: "Good, so does the Doctor," Troi replied. "Ask the Captain to
: take you to Paris to get you a dress. Then around one, stop at the Cafe
: de'Amour on the Seine, get seated and then excuse yourself to go wash
: your hands.
CROW: ... because you're a DIRTY GIRL!
: Don't return, sneak out the back, I'll arrange the rest."
: "Aye, Aye, Commander," Marrissa replied.
MIKE: Geez, what kind of life lessons is the ship shrink teaching here?
: The next mourning
TOM: After even more bit players died...
: Marrissa convinced the Captain to take her
: shopping for a dress in Paris. The Captain went along, not really
: caring. They spent the morning, Marrissa unsatisfied with each dress.
MIKE: Big surprise there.
: Then around one, Marrissa suggested a break. The Captain agreed and
: soon they were at the Cafe de'Amuor.
CROW: You'd even Ratliff would know his own limits enough to not try
French without a dictionary.
: "Let's sit over there," Marrissa suggested, indicating a seat
: over looking the river. They took the seat and the waiters came to take
: there order.
: "What will you have, sir and madam," the waiter asked.
: "Tea, Earl Gray, hot," the Captain said without enthusiasm.
CROW: He was so unenthused he used the American spelling.
: Marrissa added, "some crescent rolls and I'll have your herbal
: tea." Then noticing the approaching Counselor, she excused herself
: saying,
TOM:[waiter] I didn't ask you for an order, you English pig-dog!
: "Excuse me, can you show me to your restroom?"
: "Most certainly, Madam," the waiter replied.
MIKE: Paris?
CROW: That cafe'!
TOM: What was that captain's name?
ALL: JEAN-LUC!
: As she left the table, the Counselor and the Doctor entered the
: Cafe de'Amuor. The Doctor was saying, "Deanna, why did you insist on me
: wearing this dress?"
CROW: [Crusher] And where the hell did you come from? You weren't in this
scene!
: "Beverly, this is Paris, you're off duty, and the uniform looks
: out of place," Deanna Troi replied. At that, the Counselor's
: communicator chirped. She tapped it and said, "Commander Deanna Troi,
: here."
: "Counselor, Admiral Necheyev needs to see you right away,"
: Commander Riker's voice replied.
: "I'll be right there, Troi out," Deanna replied. "Sorry
: Beverly, Necheyev wants my opinion on yet another ex-Enterprise officer.
: But, I see the Captain over there, why don't you join him for lunch."
CROW: Don't call me, I'll call you.
: Across the room, Marrissa noticed with satisfaction the Doctor's
: arrival, and turned to the waiter. "Sir, I'll be leaving now, give the
: herbal tea to that red headed lady that just joined my father," Marrissa
: said. Then taking some paper out of her purse, she continued, "When
: they leave, hand them these. Oh and charge their bill to Lieutenant
: Marrissa Picard, Star Fleet, San Francisco."
MIKE: I guess she did something spectacular after all. She made Lieutenant.
TOM: Yeah, and she's got her own Starfleet Express card, too.
: Doctor Crusher, meanwhile, joined the Captain, "Is this seat
: taken, Jean-Luc," she asked.
: The Captain noticeably brightened.
MIKE: He was still carrying ambient radiation from that weird dream sequence
in Generations.
: "No, Beverly, it is not, but
: Marrissa was here some where."
: The waiter returned, setting the tea, herbal and earl gray, in
: front of them. The doctor turned toward the waiter, thinking to order
: some tea, when she realized it was already there. She began to suspect
: something was up. "And what will you have to eat," the waiter asked.
MIKE: Romulan crepes.
CROW: A Klingon croissant.
TOM: Grog.
: The Captain and the Doctor ordered lunch, and sat back to enjoy
: the meal. The talk wandered from topic to topic, as such conversations
: often do, until they realized it was late afternoon. Marrissa had never
: returned, having left out the back.
TOM: They celebrated the welcome turn of events with Booze.
: "Beverly, would you care to join me for dinner?" Jean-Luc asked.
CROW: In the future, people do nothing but eat and fight spatial anamolies
and treknology glitches... yet they never gain a pound!
: "Certainly, Jean-Luc, but I think we've been set up," the Doctor
: replied.
: "Waiter, check,
MIKE: [Picard] Have we been set up?
: " the Captain asked. When it was
: delivered, with a couple of tickets, he read it. "I know we have." He
: read the bill. "Bill charged to Lieutenant Marrissa Picard, Star Fleet, San
: Francisco. And apparently, she's treating us to King Lear."
: "Well I don't see anyway I'm passing up good drama," the Doctor
: replied.
: "I certainly don't want to miss a Royal Shakespearean production
: of a work of Shakespeare," the Captain replied.
MIKE: It's so rare they do a Shakespeare play. They've quite taken to Klingon
opera.
: "Marrissa set us up good," the Doctor commented, laughing
: "Oh yes, but is she ready for the consequences?" the Captain
: rejoined.
TOM: *sigh* anyone else get the feeling Ratliff's put his WordPerfect
thesaurus to good use on this one?
: They spent a long evening at first the dinner then at the late
: night play. The Captain returned to the vineyard late that night,
CROW: To get some real booze to wash away his troubles. None of that
synthahol stuff.
: promising another such date the next day. Looking in on his daughter,
: before going to bed, thinking. I wonder if she knew what she was
: starting.
: The next morning at breakfast, Marrissa chatted happily, "Dad,
: Star Fleet wants me to do some recruiting for them. Apparently the
: number of humans applying to Star Fleet is down."
: "Nothing off planet, I hope," the Captain responded.
MIKE: [Picard] Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease.
: "No, most of the High Schools are in the former United States,"
MIKE: Oh! That's .... great, honey. heh.
: Marrissa responded. "Its a little funny though, I'll be recruiting
: people to join Star Fleet that are 4 to 6 years older than me."
: "That is strange, but then again you are the youngest Lieutenant
: in Star Fleet," her father concluded.
TOM: Those Sherlodeck programs sure paid off. His powers of deduction are
amazing.
: "Just be home in time for dinner.
: Its going to be awful lonely here"
: "I will," Marrissa responded, smiling. "I'm sure you'll find
: something to relieve the boredom."
: So the next few weeks progressed with a knowing growing warmth,
: the Captain and Doctor spending more and more time with each other.
: Marrissa checked in, every once in a while.
MIKE: The Annoying Brat Union Local 1701st bylaws say she only needs to
punch in 12 hours a week.
: Her bright young face was a
: smile from ear to ear, at the success her plan had made.
: Within a month, the Doctor was
CROW: ... treating herself for that starnge bedrash again.
: staying at the Picard home. As
: Marrissa suspected the time was drawing near, she contacted, Commander
: LaForge and suggested some tests he should run on the new Enterprise.
: The Commander was impressed with her idea, and called the Captain.
TOM: [LaForge] Your daughter said you wanted 10 Forward converted into
her throne room. Are those your orders, sir?
: The next night at dinner, the Captain asked, "Marrissa, if
: you're done with that recruiting tour that Star Fleet had you on,
: Commander LaForge would like your assistance in running some tests on
: the impluse engines."
: "Today was my last, Cave Spring High in Roanoke, Virginia,"
MIKE: Guys, I think I'm going to sick.
TOM: Cave Spring High? I wonder if that's near 123 American Way....
I need some Ray Stevens videos and a Genuine Leather-style
WWII-type "Bombers" Jacket (tm).
: Marrissa replied. "So I'm free to go where ever I'm needed."
CROW: [Picard] This may sound strange to you, but the tests are in a gulag
in the former Siberia. You'll enjoy it up there, I take it.
: "Good, a shuttle will pick you up tomorrow," the Captain
: concluded, smiling at the Doctor.
: As Marrissa prepared to enter the shuttle the next day, the
: Captain pulled her aside. "Marrissa," he said.
: "Yes, Dad," she replied.
: "Before you go, I must ask, is it all right with you if I marry
: the Doctor?" the Captain asked.
MIKE: Wait a min.. oh, forget it.
CROW: aaaaahhh..
TOM: I won't forget it! What the hell is this? This makes no sense. Why is he
asking this brat 14-year-old kid permission to marry? Where did
this Marissa come from? All of the sudden we're supposed to believe
that some kid from yet another inane episode as somehow become so
important that the Captain of the friggin' flagship of Starfleet
can't even pick his nose without her say-so??! I won't stand for it
anymore! I won't, I won't, I won't!
: "Of course," Marrissa replied. "I've been expecting it for some
: time."
MIKE: Calm down there, buddy... we gotta go take a break anyway.
: The Captain discounted it, but Marrissa knew that if it wasn't
: for her push, the Captain and the Doctor wouldn't be about to become
: Captain and Doctor Picard.
[BRIDGE]
MIKE: You okay, Servo buddy?
TOM: [sobbing] Yeah, I guess so. I just reached my breaking point, is all.
CROW: We all knew this scene was coming up.
TOM: It just caught me off guard. I mean, what has the "plot" been
so far? Marissa sees them eating breakfast, so she sends them to a
play. We jump forward. Picard's asking Marissa [sob] permission to
marry, and we're told it never would have come to be without Marissa!
This story isn't about love, it isn't about courtship! It's about
some CS student's bizarre obsession with a prepubescent power trip!
It's completely illogical, there is no discernable story arc, and it
is disturbingly warped.
MIKE: And...?
CROW: I don't get your point.
TOM: What do you mean you don't get my point?
MIKE: It's a Ratliff story, Tom. What were you expecting? It's like complaining
that a Corman film iss cheap, or Coleman Francis incomprehensible yet
reprehensible.
CROW: Just accept it, nd roll with the flow.
TOM: I weep for you.
MIKE: Oh, look. Commercial sign.
[Ad for Star Trek 8: The Wrath of Borg. From Gramercy Pictures. Limited
release next month in New York, Los Angeles, and Podunk. Coming to
theaters near you on Stardate 7063000.]
[6-5-4-3-2-1]
: Chapter Three
: The Actual Proposal
CROW: That's the kind of title that grabs you by throat and says "This is
going to hurt. Bad."
: It took a while but eventally Marrissa managed to reconstruct
: what happened that evening ...
TOM: Marissa had trouble remembering what happened after she met Ensigns
Beam and Daniels.
: Captain Jean-Luc Picard had spent the whole afternoon making
: sure everything was ready.
MIKE: He ran his gloved fingers over every surface the green recruits polished.
: He had never proposed to anyone before and
: he wanted everything to be all right. The dining room was spotless, the
: polished brash was gleaming and on the mahogany table the families good
: silverware was arrayed. The steak dinner was set out,
TOM: attracting flies and getting cold,
: and the dessert
: tray, was waiting off to the side, covered with its silver lid.
: He was dressed in a formal tux, black with a white tie, stifling
: to say the least. The Doctor, entered, in a tight green dress, having
: been told this was a formal occasion. No one was ever more beautiful
: than Doctor Beverly Crusher, the Captain professed.
MIKE: He had founded a new church to spread the word.
: The Doctor felt
: that no man was ever as handsome as Captain Jean-Luc Picard, as he sat
: her at the table.
: The meal proceeded, as meals often do, the couple talking about
: one topic or another.
CROW: Ratliff really conveys characters' hopes and fears, their dreams and
insecurities, by the words he puts in their mouths, doesn't he?
MIKE: No.
: However the Doctor had noticed something, the
: Captain was
MIKE: ...British! The French thing was just an act.
: nervous, she'd never seen this before. The Captain had
: faced down Romulans, Cardassians, and Borg and not even flinched. This
: was unusual, something was up!
: The time came for dessert, and the Captain placed hers before
: her.
TOM:So she's a Captain now?
CROW: Maybe Picard had one of those Wilcox operations...
: Then he stood by, waiting for her to uncover it. She protested,
: claiming she ate too much already, then as the Captain insisted that
: she at least uncover it, or she'd insult the chef; she did.
MIKE: Who the? What the? Where did this guy learn his antecedents?
TOM: In America's public schools!
: Inside was a small gold band with a 24 caret
TOM: Caret? Is that like synthahol?
: diamond on a
: strawberry short cake. The Doctor turned to the Captain, down on his
: knees, and asked does this mean what I think it does?
CROW: [Crusher] They were out of Hello Kitty?!
: The Captain's
: reply, was a smile, Beverly will you marry me.
: The Doctor paused a moment,
TOM: [Crusher] Yes!...No!..Yes... What was the question?
: giving the Captain a
CROW: ...wedgie
: moment of did
: I make a fool of myself before replying, Yes, what took you so long.
MIKE: How... romantic? Sickening? What am I supposed to be feeling here?
: Epilogue
MIKE: Oh no, he's doing Quinn Martin now!
: It had been just over ten months since Marrissa pushed the
: Captain and Doctor together.
TOM: The subsequent ringing in their heads was all but gone.
: Now Marrissa was about to be given a
: reason against her actions. Doctor Beverly Picard was about to have a
: baby.
CROW: But Marissa knew WHY BABYKILLING WILL MAKE THE FEDERATION GREAT AGAIN.
: Jay Gordon, who had recently gone though that path with the birth
: of his second little sister, had warned her. Babies kept you up late
: and your parents short tempered. Marrissa had laughed him off.
CROW: In some counties, they'd have to get married now.
: Doctor Selar came out to the waiting expectant father and his
: daughter, and said "It's a girl."
MIKE: Marissa needed some external validation.
: They rushed in to the side of Beverly Picard, who was holding
: the new born little Jacqueline Marie Picard. "She's so little," Captain
: Picard commented, his large finger brushing against her cheek. Jackie's
: little hand reached out and grasped at the finger, holding tight.
TOM: So, is this a _little_ baby, or not, or...?
: Marrissa looked at her newborn sister, and said, "Hello, Little
: Sister."
: Moments later, Wesley phased into view behind Marrissa. "I see
: I'm just in time," Wes commented as little Jackie yawned.
MIKE: Wil Wheaton can't even get high Q numbers from his own family!
: "Congraduations, Mom, she looks just like you."
TOM: Wes proceeded to give a commencement address.
: "Probably because we are both tired," Doctor Picard replied.
: "I agree with that assessment Doctor," Doctor Selar replied.
: "Now Captain and Company get out,
MIKE: Captain and Company... was that a Sid & Marty Kroft show?
: for the next two weeks this Sickbay's
: mine and I won't have you keeping my patients up.
TOM: Apparently childbirth technology has regressed by a factor of seven
or so in the next few centuries.
: As the Captain left Sickbay followed by Marrissa and Wesley,
: Wesley commented, "So I have another little sister to annoy me, I hope
: she gives equal time."
MIKE: The first one only gave Dee Dee Myers.
: "Wes, do you what mean, you are hardly ever here," Marrissa
: replied.
: "There is a reason for that," Wes replied.
: "Yeah, you are too engrossed in your work," Marrissa shot back.
: "Apparently," Wesley observed, "that statement could be applied
: to you as well. After all, you do have two months accumulated shore
: leave."
: "Wes ..." Marrissa began.
: "Quiet," Captain Picard ordered. "You two do more verbal
: fencing than any two people I know."
CROW: Fencing? This back and forth is about as graceful as sumo wrestling!
: "It keeps us sharp," Wesley replied. "Besides, hitting a girl
: is bad form."
MIKE: Especially for omnipotent beings who can bend time and space to
their will.
: "Bad form, Wesley," Marrissa replied. "Or are you just
: remembering Worf's little trip to Sickbay as a result of that bat'leth
: match."
: "That's it, I'm going to the Bridge," Captain Picard replied.
: "I can't believe I gave you that full Ensigns rank," Picard indicated
: Wesley, "or made you my Chief of Security," he indicated Marrissa.
: "Momentary sanity," Marrissa replied.
: Captain Picard threw up his hands and
TOM: ... threw up his lunch. How long IS this Epilogue?
: entered the turbolift.
: When he was gone, Wesley commented, "I can't believe you said that."
: "Something wrong with my parting shot?"
: "Yeah, if I'd done that I'd never be able to return to the
: Bridge again," Wes replied.
: "You haven't lived with him for the most of the two past years,"
: Marrissa replied. "You'd be surprised what Dad puts up with."
CROW: [Marissa] My omniscience, lack of respect, complete abscence of
decency...
: "Please tell me," Wes implored.
TOM: Oh no, there's gonna be a sequel!
: --
: Stephen Ratliff Computer Science Major, Radford University.
: srat...@runet.edu Marrissa Stories Author
: homepage: http://www.cs.runet.edu/~sratliff/ ___/\___
: FAQ Maintainer for alt.startrek.creative : |_| |_|
: Status of Recently Posted Stories on a.st.c. |/^|
: Introduction to alt.startrek.creative, A Guide to the Newsgroup
: "I have no Life.
CROW: Isn't that implied in the rest of the.sig?
: I have no Death."
: Kurn, ST:DS9 "Sons of Mogh" and every CS Major at RU.
: --
: Stephen Ratliff CS Major, Radford University.
: srat...@runet.edu Marrissa Stories Author
: homepage: http://www.cs.runet.edu/~sratliff/
: Maintainer for the FAQs on alt.startrek.creative
: "Wait until you have four pips on that collar, you'll wish you'd gone
: into botany"
: - Captain Benjiman Sisko, DS9 "Rules of Engagement"
[1-2-3-4-5-6]
MIKE: Crow, look what you got us into!
TOM:What were you thinking, helping a Forrester?
CROW: Don't lay this on Pearl! I'm sure this was some kind of misunderstanding.
[DEEP 13]
MRS. F: I'm so sorry Art, but Clayton's so much trouble during my soaps, and
this was all I could think of to calm him down. He loves torture so...
Push the button, baby.
LI'L CLAY: Gah-ga!
<Pushes buuton>
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright stuff. MSTing (c) Jamie Plummer. Fanfic (c) Stephen Ratliff.
Star Trek, its characters and situations (c) Paramount.
Mystery Science Theater 3000, its characters and situations (c) Best Brains,
Inc.
No infringement on any copyrights intended.
Available on the web at http://faraday.clas.virginia.edu/~jcp9j/capdoc.html
Feel free to distribute this document freely (FTP, WWW, et c.), but please
contact the author at jc...@virginia.edu first.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
--
Jamie Plummer jc...@faraday.clas.virginia.edu
Save MST!!! got to http://faraday.clas.virginia.edu/~jcp9j/canceled.html
"Ask yourself if you have what it takes to be a columnist... do you have enough self-confidence so that after studying a magazine article on brain
surgery for 20 minutes, you feel comfortable giving a lecture to a thousand brain surgeons on what's wrong with their profession?" - David Brooks
Stephen Ratliff
Once agian, my work is MSTed, an interesting way to get feed back. And
surprisingly, thier are more un-MSTed sections this time.
Any way ... I enjoyed it, I hope my other readers did as well. I look
forward to the next one, as I believe it's become something of a
tradition on rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc.
However, there are a few points I feel I must respond to.
Jamie Plummer (jc...@faraday.clas.Virginia.EDU) wrote:
:
: [Crow, Tom, and Mike whiz off in a southeasterly direction. They come to a
: communications satellite.]
:
: MIKE: [reading] "Radford University Experimental..."
RU, experimenting on something ... where did they get the money?
: TOM: I've got a bad feeling about this.
: CROW: Follow me, whee!
:
: : From: srat...@runet.edu (Stephen Ratliff)
:
: ALL: AAAAGH!
: MIKE: Crow, what were you thinking?
: CROW: Surely this isn't Pearl's doing!
I just love the reaction these guys have to my name, for a guy who spent
his grade school years being teased, it's so satisfing. :)
:
:
:
: MIKE: Wait a minute, wasn't she a Captain-cum-Princess in that last story
: we read?
: TOM: Maybe this is a Ratliff prequel?
of coarse, You'll find that I'm jumping around in time a lot now. Blame
the author of Generations 2.
: MIKE: Oh, so this story will help put the later "Marissa Storys" in context,
: and enhance our understanding of and empathy for the protagonist?
That was the general idea.
:
: : "The first entry is for Stardate 43057, by Nurse Ogawa," Riker
: : replied.
:
: MIKE: That doesn't make any sense! Crusher would have just been returning
: from her season off-ship!
: CROW: Fanboy.
It's also when her defenses would have been down the most.
:
: : "I take that as a compliment," Marrissa replied. "Just as long
: : as I haven't caught that English accent of his. A Frenchman with an
: : English accent."
: : "That is a little odd," Troi conceded. "Now what did you want
: : to talk about."
:
: MIKE: Oh, for fun! Ratliff is needling TNG foibles!
Ah, so you caught that ... good.
:
: TOM: After even more bit players died...
Amazing, I don't kill one charactor in this story, and to read this mst,
I've killed a dozen
:
: : Then around one, Marrissa suggested a break. The Captain agreed and
: : soon they were at the Cafe de'Amuor.
:
: CROW: You'd even Ratliff would know his own limits enough to not try
: French without a dictionary.
Sorry, I copied it from a postcard my Mom bought in France back in '70.
:
:
: : Across the room, Marrissa noticed with satisfaction the Doctor's
: : arrival, and turned to the waiter. "Sir, I'll be leaving now, give the
: : herbal tea to that red headed lady that just joined my father," Marrissa
: : said. Then taking some paper out of her purse, she continued, "When
: : they leave, hand them these. Oh and charge their bill to Lieutenant
: : Marrissa Picard, Star Fleet, San Francisco."
:
: MIKE: I guess she did something spectacular after all. She made Lieutenant.
: TOM: Yeah, and she's got her own Starfleet Express card, too.
No, she's a Lieutenant junior grade. She said to make "full
Lieutenant."
: : "Oh yes, but is she ready for the consequences?" the Captain
: : rejoined.
:
: TOM: *sigh* anyone else get the feeling Ratliff's put his WordPerfect
: thesaurus to good use on this one?
WordPerfect ... you insult me ... I use Microsoft Word's. :)
:
: : "Today was my last, Cave Spring High in Roanoke, Virginia,"
:
: MIKE: Guys, I think I'm going to sick.
: TOM: Cave Spring High? I wonder if that's near 123 American Way....
: I need some Ray Stevens videos and a Genuine Leather-style
: WWII-type "Bombers" Jacket (tm).
OK, you can insult me, you can insult my family ... but my High School.
Gentlemen ... Doctor Martha M Cobble will be expecting an apology. The
school is located at 3712 Chaparral Drive SW; Roanoke, VA 24018.
:
:
: TOM: It just caught me off guard. I mean, what has the "plot" been
: so far? Marissa sees them eating breakfast, so she sends them to a
: play. We jump forward. Picard's asking Marissa [sob] permission to
: marry, and we're told it never would have come to be without Marissa!
: This story isn't about love, it isn't about courtship! It's about
: some CS student's bizarre obsession with a prepubescent power trip!
: It's completely illogical, there is no discernable story arc, and it
: is disturbingly warped.
You haven't read much Picard Crusher romance have you?
:
: : I'm just in time," Wes commented as little Jackie yawned.
:
: MIKE: Wil Wheaton can't even get high Q numbers from his own family!
the people on alt.wesley.crusher.die.die.die will probalby give you an
award for that barb.
:
:
: : "I have no Life.
:
: CROW: Isn't that implied in the rest of the.sig?
Maybe but, the next line worries the next some misties
: : I have no Death."
Jamie Plummer
Stephen Ratliff (srat...@runet.edu) wrote:
: Once agian, my work is MSTed, an interesting way to get feed back. And
: surprisingly, thier are more un-MSTed sections this time.
Yeah, I did this one by myself, and I'm not one for trying to
squeeze in jokes if they're a stretch. And I didn't want to
have to read the story more than twice to try to think of
anymore.
: However, there are a few points I feel I must respond to.
: Jamie Plummer (jc...@faraday.clas.Virginia.EDU) wrote:
: :
: : ALL: AAAAGH!
: : MIKE: Crow, what were you thinking?
: : CROW: Surely this isn't Pearl's doing!
: I just love the reaction these guys have to my name, for a guy who spent
: his grade school years being teased, it's so satisfing. :)
Pearl is a character on MST.. nothing to do with you.
: :
: : TOM: After even more bit players died...
: Amazing, I don't kill one charactor in this story, and to read this mst,
: I've killed a dozen
Homonym (mourning-morning) and general Trek joke.
: :
: : : "Today was my last, Cave Spring High in Roanoke, Virginia,"
: :
: : MIKE: Guys, I think I'm going to sick.
: : TOM: Cave Spring High? I wonder if that's near 123 American Way....
: : I need some Ray Stevens videos and a Genuine Leather-style
: : WWII-type "Bombers" Jacket (tm).
: OK, you can insult me, you can insult my family ... but my High School.
: Gentlemen ... Doctor Martha M Cobble will be expecting an apology. The
: school is located at 3712 Chaparral Drive SW; Roanoke, VA 24018.
: :
Have you ever read PARADE magazine? This was not a slam on
your high school.
: :
: : TOM: It just caught me off guard. I mean, what has the "plot" been
: : so far? Marissa sees them eating breakfast, so she sends them to a
: : play. We jump forward. Picard's asking Marissa [sob] permission to
: : marry, and we're told it never would have come to be without Marissa!
: : This story isn't about love, it isn't about courtship! It's about
: : some CS student's bizarre obsession with a prepubescent power trip!
: : It's completely illogical, there is no discernable story arc, and it
: : is disturbingly warped.
: You haven't read much Picard Crusher romance have you?
Thankfully, no.
--
Jamie Plummer jc...@faraday.clas.virginia.edu
Save MST!!! go to http://faraday.clas.virginia.edu/~jcp9j/canceled.html
Carolyn Fulton
In <Dt9Ex...@murdoch.acc.Virginia.EDU>
jc...@faraday.clas.Virginia.EDU (Jamie Plummer) writes:
>
>Stephen Ratliff (srat...@runet.edu) wrote:
>: Once agian, my work is MSTed, an interesting way to get feed back.
I don't know ... it suggests a certain level of fame ... never having
been MSTd myself, I'm not sure whether to be thankful or envious!
And I'm not sure if I ever want to know ... :)
Carolyn
Zepp
In article <4qbi31$9...@dfw-ixnews8.ix.netcom.com>,
ki...@ix.netcom.com(Carolyn Fulton) wrote:
>In <Dt9Ex...@murdoch.acc.Virginia.EDU>
>jc...@faraday.clas.Virginia.EDU (Jamie Plummer) writes:
>>
>>Stephen Ratliff (srat...@runet.edu) wrote:
>I don't know ... it suggests a certain level of fame ... never having
>been MSTd myself, I'm not sure whether to be thankful or envious!
>
>And I'm not sure if I ever want to know ... :)
>
>Carolyn
Actually, being the twisted sort of person that I am, not only do I enjoy the
Marrissa stories, I also enjoyed the MST version. I' faith, Steven, I don't
know if any of that was actually meant to insult you... Can't read minds
over the 'Net, dammit! But you must admit, it was rather funny.
If ye really didn't appreciate it, I mean ye no offense. Takes all kinds, me
mum always said -- and I do enjoy your stuff. Just got a sick sense of
homour, I 'ave... <evil twisted grin>
Greywolf the Wanderer, borrowing zepp's acount <grinning, ducking, and
running>
Mike Barklage
From Jamie Plummer's MiSTing:
> : "Before you go, I must ask, is it all right with you if I marry
> : the Doctor?" the Captain asked.
>
> MIKE: Wait a min.. oh, forget it.
> CROW: aaaaahhh..
> TOM: I won't forget it! What the hell is this? This makes no sense. Why is he
> asking this brat 14-year-old kid permission to marry? Where did
> this Marissa come from? All of the sudden we're supposed to believe
> that some kid from yet another inane episode as somehow become so
> important that the Captain of the friggin' flagship of Starfleet
> can't even pick his nose without her say-so??! I won't stand for it
> anymore! I won't, I won't, I won't!
It feels weird speaking in Ratliff's defense, but I think you're reading
that part of the story the wrong way.
In the "real" ST:TNG universe, you'd be right -- Picard wouldn't have to
ask anybody's permission before marrying. However, this is Ratliff's Trek
universe. In it, Picard has a daughter. Now, imagine a single dad in the
real world -- he's been dating a woman for a while, and is thinking of
proposing marriage. Wouldn't you expect that before he does so, he would
ask his children what they thought first? She would be their new mother,
after all. He has to know whether they like the idea. If they don't, he
has some serious thinking to do.
I'm not sure what brought that rant on, but I would expect any single father
to discuss an impending marriage with his children. If he didn't, and just
went on with the marriage without talking to his kids, I'd have some serious
questions about that family.
Anyway... other than that, the MiSTing was decent. There were some really
good zingers in there, but you missed some obvious riffs and others seemed
oddly out of place. There were also some spelling and grammar mistakes,
which is a bit embarrassing, considering that you get on Ratliff for the
same thing. I would suggest going through it again (if you have time) to
fine-tune the MiSTing a little bit more.
The story itself was really weird for Ratliff. No moronic aliens, no
unexciting space battles, none of Marrissa's typical dominance. Sure,
Ratliff's awkward writing style was still present, and there were the
usual homonym mistakes (where/were, to/too, etc -- you can't just rely
on a Spellchecker, Steve!), but overall it seems like Steve's learning
from past mistakes. The only thing that REALLY bugged me was his overuse
of the phrase "the Captain and the Doctor." It must have appeared about
50 times in the course of the story.
BTW, our MiSTing of "Timespeeder" should be posted in August. :)
Mike Barklage... the Captain and the Doctor... the Captain and the Doctor...
bark...@ucsu.colorado.edu -- MSTie #19634 -- For Ed Wood items, MSTings, and
the ST:Voyager MSTing archive, go to http://rtt.colorado.edu/~barklage/
"Freedom's just another word for not caring about the quality of your work."
- Dilbert
jnevins
bark...@ucsu.Colorado.EDU (Mike Barklage) writes:
>BTW, our MiSTing of "Timespeeder" should be posted in August. :)
Ratliff, as one of the poor schmoes who is MSTing this abomination you
call a "story," I'd just like to ask one question of you:
It's obvious you hold your readers in contempt - otherwise, why post
such a patently -bad- piece of work? I refuse to believe "Timespeeder"
was the product of sloppiness - no, it's so aggressively horrible that
you must have done it deliberately. So if you hate us so much, why do it?
jess
Doug Natelson
bark...@ucsu.Colorado.EDU (Mike Barklage) writes:
>
>From Jamie Plummer's MiSTing:
>
>> : "Before you go, I must ask, is it all right with you if I marry
>> : the Doctor?" the Captain asked.
>>
>> MIKE: Wait a min.. oh, forget it.
>> CROW: aaaaahhh..
>> TOM: I won't forget it! What the hell is this? This makes no sense. Why is he
>> asking this brat 14-year-old kid permission to marry? Where did
>> this Marissa come from? All of the sudden we're supposed to believe
>> that some kid from yet another inane episode as somehow become so
>> important that the Captain of the friggin' flagship of Starfleet
>> can't even pick his nose without her say-so??! I won't stand for it
>> anymore! I won't, I won't, I won't!
>
>It feels weird speaking in Ratliff's defense, but I think you're reading
>that part of the story the wrong way.
[deletia about how single parnts should rightly consult with their
children before remarrying]
>I'm not sure what brought that rant on, but I would expect any single father
>to discuss an impending marriage with his children. If he didn't, and just
>went on with the marriage without talking to his kids, I'd have some serious
>questions about that family.
>
I might be able to shed some light on this. I don't know which MSTing
of a Ratliff story what I'm about to describe is from, but I've seen
it on r.a.t.m.m. in the last year. At some point, Ratliff had a scene in
one of his stories with Marissa sunning herself by a pool on Risa,
with multiple Starfleet supernumeraries discussing hitting on her.
The MSTing reaction was, to put it mildly, 'We're getting into a whole
weird area here! She's only *13* for goodness' sake!!!!' There have
been indications in some of Ratliff's stuff of a (possibly unhealthy)
obsession with young girls. I've got a pretty stern stomach (Manos
and Monster-a-go-go, no prob :) ), but sometimes Ratliff's attitude toward
his young female characters really creeps me out....
<restart lurk mode>
Doug Natelson
nate...@embezzle.stanford.edu
"I'm a scientist! I don't *think*, I *observe*!" - Dr. C. Forrester
Mike Barklage
nate...@embezzle.Stanford.EDU (Doug Natelson) writes:
>I might be able to shed some light on this. I don't know which MSTing
>of a Ratliff story what I'm about to describe is from, but I've seen
>it on r.a.t.m.m. in the last year. At some point, Ratliff had a scene in
>one of his stories with Marissa sunning herself by a pool on Risa,
>with multiple Starfleet supernumeraries discussing hitting on her.
I should know a little about this scene -- it is from "Away From Home,"
which was MiSTed by me, Petrea Mitchell, and Todd Gilbert. And yes, it
was an extremely creepy scene.
>The MSTing reaction was, to put it mildly, 'We're getting into a whole
>weird area here! She's only *13* for goodness' sake!!!!' There have
>been indications in some of Ratliff's stuff of a (possibly unhealthy)
>obsession with young girls. I've got a pretty stern stomach (Manos
>and Monster-a-go-go, no prob :) ), but sometimes Ratliff's attitude toward
>his young female characters really creeps me out....
Yeah... sometimes he gets that way. But in the case of "Captain and the
Doctor," he's actually written a scene that could (and should) take place
in real life, and we flame him for it.
Mike Barklage... you just brought back some unpleasant memories of "Away
From Home"... thanks a *lot*...
Doug Natelson
bark...@ucsu.Colorado.EDU (Mike Barklage) writes:
>nate...@embezzle.Stanford.EDU (Doug Natelson) writes:
>
[deletia]
>
> But in the case of "Captain and the
>Doctor," he's actually written a scene that could (and should) take place
>in real life, and we flame him for it.
I agree with your assessment that, in real life, a scene like the one
between Picard and his daughter could and should occur. Sorry if I didn't
make myself very clear in my last post -- it's been a long week :)
>
>Mike Barklage... you just brought back some unpleasant memories of "Away
> From Home"... thanks a *lot*...
Why don't you give me a paper cut and pour a little lemon juice in it,
while you're at it! :)
While I've got your attention, might as tell ya: you regulars on ratmm
are bloody hilarious, in general. That's the only group I read just for
the OTPs....
Cheers...
Doug
Sproing
nate...@embezzle.Stanford.EDU (Doug Natelson) kissed up in this manner:
>
> While I've got your attention, might as tell ya: you regulars on ratmm
> are bloody hilarious, in general. That's the only group I read just for
> the OTPs....
>
Is there anything left around here that is on-topic?
--
Sproing
#####################################################################
@ >>>>> ELM CITY BLUES: The Art + Literature Magazine. <<<<< @
@ Stories, poems, black-and white-art and photos. @
@ "The magazine is yours; the content belongs to the contributors." @
@ 2nd issue coming fall 1996. Submissions or subscriptions to: @
@ P.O. Box 5591, Springfield IL 62705 @
@ Submission deadline July 31, 1996. Enclose $2 for copy. @
@ FIRST ISSUE STILL AVAILABLE!! Also $2. @
@ Stagger through literary euphoria with mascot Brendan McMuggles @
@ and the whole ECB crew. @
@ "ELM CITY BLUES ... Art happens." @
#####################################################################
Stephen Ratliff
jnevins (jne...@bgsuvax.bgsu.edu) wrote:
: bark...@ucsu.Colorado.EDU (Mike Barklage) writes:
:
:
: >BTW, our MiSTing of "Timespeeder" should be posted in August. :)
same time to revise.
:
: Ratliff, as one of the poor schmoes who is MSTing this abomination you
:
: It's obvious you hold your readers in contempt - otherwise, why post
: such a patently -bad- piece of work? I refuse to believe "Timespeeder"
: was the product of sloppiness - no, it's so aggressively horrible that
: you must have done it deliberately. So if you hate us so much, why do it?
the space) I had fun writing Time Speeder ... perhaps you don't like
Clinton, Congress (including the gentlemen from Virginia, JOHN Warner
and Chuck Robb), and that guy with the Spock tie.
I have to admit Time Speeder was written in just 3 months, which is
rather a short time for it's length for me. Of coarse, when MSTing a
work, one looks for the worse in a story, where as a reader of ASC sits
back and enjoys. :)
Stephen Ratliff, who would like to know what you thought was wrong with
Time Speeder.
Jamie Plummer
Mike Barklage (bark...@ucsu.Colorado.EDU) wrote:
: From Jamie Plummer's MiSTing:
: > : "Before you go, I must ask, is it all right with you if I marry
: > : the Doctor?" the Captain asked.
: >
: > MIKE: Wait a min.. oh, forget it.
: > CROW: aaaaahhh..
: > TOM: I won't forget it! What the hell is this? This makes no sense. Why is he
: > asking this brat 14-year-old kid permission to marry? Where did
: > this Marissa come from? All of the sudden we're supposed to believe
: > that some kid from yet another inane episode as somehow become so
: > important that the Captain of the friggin' flagship of Starfleet
: > can't even pick his nose without her say-so??! I won't stand for it
: > anymore! I won't, I won't, I won't!
: It feels weird speaking in Ratliff's defense, but I think you're reading
: that part of the story the wrong way.
: In the "real" ST:TNG universe, you'd be right -- Picard wouldn't have to
: ask anybody's permission before marrying. However, this is Ratliff's Trek
: universe. In it, Picard has a daughter. Now, imagine a single dad in the
: real world -- he's been dating a woman for a while, and is thinking of
: proposing marriage. Wouldn't you expect that before he does so, he would
: ask his children what they thought first? She would be their new mother,
: after all. He has to know whether they like the idea. If they don't, he
: has some serious thinking to do.
Point taken. The rant had more of the "Who is this Marissa,
and whence did she come to all of the sudden be an important
force in these people's lives?!" intent. It's one thing to
take a minor character in someone else's story and give them a
life of their own, but another to rewrite the whole "history",
such as it is, so that she's the center of the universe.
: Anyway... other than that, the MiSTing was decent. There were some really
: good zingers in there, but you missed some obvious riffs and others seemed
: oddly out of place. There were also some spelling and grammar mistakes,
: which is a bit embarrassing, considering that you get on Ratliff for the
: same thing.
I frankly didn't notice any, although I was in a bit of a rush
to get this out when I finally resumed work on it. If you'd
liketo point them out to me in email, please do.
: I would suggest going through it again (if you have time) to
: fine-tune the MiSTing a little bit more.
I can see it now : "MSTed: The Captain and the Doctor (Formerly
A Gul's Revenge)." I don't want to become the Ratliff of
Ratliff MSTings!
Nevertheless, when and if I take it upon myself to MST again,
I'll force myself to read the story more than once.
--
Jamie Plummer jc...@faraday.clas.virginia.edu
Save MST!!! go to http://faraday.clas.virginia.edu/~jcp9j/canceled.html
Doug Smith
In article <4qk3b5$e...@newslink.runet.edu>, srat...@runet.edu (Stephen
Ratliff) wrote:
> Stephen Ratliff, who would like to know what you thought was wrong with
> Time Speeder.
Well, he speeds and that's bad. Remember, it's fun until somebody dies! :-)
Later,
DoUgLaS
--
Member #46139
dws...@mail.wiscnet.net
http://doorcounty.org/gibraltar/Doug/mst3k.html
ikaros
Quoth Jamie Plummer:
>Point taken. The rant had more of the "Who is this Marissa,
>and whence did she come to all of the sudden be an important
>force in these people's lives?!" intent. It's one thing to
>take a minor character in someone else's story and give them a
>life of their own, but another to rewrite the whole "history",
>such as it is, so that she's the center of the universe.
I'd rather she were the center of the galaxy. There's supposed to be a
large black hole there.
ikaros, who has written fanfic in his day, but nothing quite like that.
----
ika...@infinet.com Completely destroyed! -- http://www.infinet.com/~ikaros
One of ik's picks: http://mirsky.com/wow/Worst.html
Sean Gaffney
> srat...@runet.edu (Stephen Ratliff) writes:
> Stephen Ratliff, who would like to know what you thought was wrong with
> Time Speeder.
Well, when I first heard about Chelsea and Wesley hooking up, this was my reaction:
"Aaaah!"
and then:
"Dear God, NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"
That's one of the problems. A thing That Should Not Be.
--Sean Gaffney
--"You git! I thought you were dead! Git git git!" - Benny, No Future
T-Bone
On 24 Jun 1996, Doug Smith wrote:
> > Stephen Ratliff, who would like to know what you thought was wrong with
> > Time Speeder.
>
Then it's fun AND cool!
T-Bone, tbo...@io.com (on the web at http://www.io.com/~tbone1/)
"scott, gramercy just called me and told me they hate you."
- julie walker (texas ranger)
jnevins
srat...@runet.edu (Stephen Ratliff) writes:
>jnevins (jne...@bgsuvax.bgsu.edu) wrote:
>: bark...@ucsu.Colorado.EDU (Mike Barklage) writes:
>:
>:
>: >BTW, our MiSTing of "Timespeeder" should be posted in August. :)
>Hmm- eight month turn around, not bad. You won't mind if I take the
>same time to revise.
>:
>: Ratliff, as one of the poor schmoes who is MSTing this abomination you
>: call a "story," I'd just like to ask one question of you:
>:
>: It's obvious you hold your readers in contempt - otherwise, why post
>: such a patently -bad- piece of work? I refuse to believe "Timespeeder"
>: was the product of sloppiness - no, it's so aggressively horrible that
>: you must have done it deliberately. So if you hate us so much, why do it?
>My readers in contempt ... my readers liked Time Speeder (please note
>the space) I had fun writing Time Speeder ... perhaps you don't like
>Clinton, Congress (including the gentlemen from Virginia, JOHN Warner
>and Chuck Robb), and that guy with the Spock tie.
>I have to admit Time Speeder was written in just 3 months, which is
>rather a short time for it's length for me. Of coarse, when MSTing a
>work, one looks for the worse in a story, where as a reader of ASC sits
>back and enjoys. :)
>Stephen Ratliff, who would like to know what you thought was wrong with
>Time Speeder.
in all seriousness, the following:
a) the spelling and grammar errors. Not to be a pedant, but any writer
simply -must- reread his/her own work to ensure that confusions like "Set
coarse" don't occur. If you don't, and let those errors slip through, it
says to me that you don't care about what you're writing enough to make
sure that it's half-way correct. And that says to me that you hold your
audience in contempt - if you don't care about what you're writing, why
should we?
On the other hand, if you're simply not that good a speller or
grammarian, please please please get some of the reference works and
read them. Strunk and White, for example - get to know it, cover to
cover. -Then- start writing again. It's unfair to expect you to develop
into Tolstoy overnight - but I think all writers should develop a minimum
amount of technical competency with whatever language they are writing in
before they attempt to publish their work. I'm sorry, but you didn't
meet that level.
b) The sentence structure. I find a good way to judge dialogue is to
read it aloud. Too many of your sentences just felt awkward in the
mouth. There were a few that simply defied description.
c) This felt like a first draft. Besides the dialogue and the
spelling/grammar errors, there were plot problems, logical
inconsistencies, and a few things badly at odds with the Star Trek
universe.
those are the relatively objective problems with Time Speeder. I'm not
trying to be cruel here, I'm simply calling it as I see it. The following
are my subjective, personal problems with the story.
d) I *hated* Marrissa. She sounds smug, self-righteous, arrogant, and
far too full of herself. I'm going to nail her as hard as I can in my
MSTing - but (to paraphrase Twain) to do her justice I'd need a pen
warmed in hell.
e) The concept of a Kid's Crew - oy.
f) Speeding tickets in Star Trek? SPEEDING TICKETS???
g) The attempts at comedy, such as they were, just didn't work.
h) I know you didn't mean this, but the avarice of Guinan and her
daughter are out of character for Guinan - and her
inability/unwillingness to tell her daughter who her father was smacks
much too much of a racial stereotype.
i) Everything goes Marrissa's way. Everything. That's bad writing - the
author playing favorites. Faulkner said "kill your darlings." Think about
that.
j) Using Clinton et al, and dragging Star Trek the tv show into the
story, were just painful to read. Star Trek the tv show has already
established that there was no such thing as "Star Trek the tv show" in
the Star Trek universe.
k) Again, your use of Clinton, Warner, Kennedy et al was....I'll be
delicate here. "Not nearly so good as you suppose" is the most
diplomatic way I can put it. Your description of how the US government
"really" works, with the negotiations between Clinton and the Senators,
are obviously the product of someone unfamiliar with the actual state of
current politics.
l) Finally - I could go on, but I'll stop now - saying that Marrissa was
able to solve the Bosnian planets problems in a week is in staggeringly
bad taste, and made me genuinely angry. To say that a precocious
teenager can solve a problem that has stymied the best diplomats of the
1990s is an insult to those diplomats as well as a slap in the face of
the living and dead who have suffered, and continue to suffer, in this
conflict. Do you think the Muslim women who were forced into the Serbian
rape camps would be happy to hear that their problems could be solved by
a teenager? DO YOU?
jess, in a state of high dudgeon over that last item
Doug Smith
In article <Pine.LNX.3.91.96062...@shangri-la.io.com>,
T-Bone <tbo...@io.com> wrote:
> > Well, he speeds and that's bad. Remember, it's fun until somebody
dies! :-)
>
> Then it's fun AND cool!
Exactly!!!!!
Doug
Kathleen Tibbetts
Sproing <jrob...@mail.fgi.net> wrote:
>nate...@embezzle.Stanford.EDU (Doug Natelson) kissed up in this manner:
>> While I've got your attention, might as tell ya: you regulars on ratmm
>> are bloody hilarious, in general. That's the only group I read just for
>> the OTPs....
> Is there anything left around here that is on-topic?
My attitude is, "Is there anything around here that ISN'T on topic, when
you look at it the right way?" I mean, this is the group that spun the
opening riff of _Laserblast_ (the film itself, not counting the credit
sequence) into more Nine Inch Nails discussion than has occurred on
alt.music.nin in at least four months.
Makes ya think, dunnit?
--
I have made a vow to use the word "fuck" in every Usenet message I post
until the Communications Decency Act is repealed. Fuck you for under-
standing. -- KT *(thanks to Justices Sloviter, Buckwalter, and Dalzell
for speeding the moment when this .sig will be no more -- 6/12/96)*
Jamie Plummer
jnevins (jne...@bgsuvax.bgsu.edu) wrote:
[Why Ratliff and Timspeeder are no good snipped]
Two things:
Jess, keep your criticisms to the MSTings. Not only did you
seem a bit to aggresive, but if Ratliff takes your advice to
heart, he may actually improve. And that wouldn't be any fun,
now, would it?
Ratliff, if jess doesn't think you understand the political
process, maybe it's not too bad after all! (I haven't read it
and certainly won't try without the benefit of a MSTing).
On the other hand, maybe it isn't.
Bosnian planets? Bill Clinton? Does Marissa talk to Elanor Roosevelt
in this one?
--
Jamie Plummer jc...@faraday.clas.virginia.edu
Save MST!!! go to http://faraday.clas.virginia.edu/~jcp9j/canceled.html
Mike Barklage
srat...@runet.edu (Stephen Ratliff) wrote:
>jnevins (jne...@bgsuvax.bgsu.edu) wrote:
>: bark...@ucsu.Colorado.EDU (Mike Barklage) writes:
>:
>: >BTW, our MiSTing of "Timespeeder" should be posted in August. :)
>Hmm- eight month turn around, not bad. You won't mind if I take the
>same time to revise.
Go ahead; it makes no difference to the MSTing. We all have copies of the
story I downloaded from your web site, and that's the version we're using
for the MSTing.
>My readers in contempt ... my readers liked Time Speeder (please note
>the space)
Most of us know you have fans on a.s.c, and realize you don't hold them
"in contempt." I think Jess is still in shock... first time reading an
un-MiSTed Ratliff story, Jess? :)
> I had fun writing Time Speeder ... perhaps you don't like
>Clinton, Congress (including the gentlemen from Virginia, JOHN Warner
>and Chuck Robb), and that guy with the Spock tie.
You just mentioned many of the parts we had problems with, yes. If you're
going to have a story take place in our current reality, then you'd better
have a firm grasp of reality and be able to show it in your work. More
on that later.
>I have to admit Time Speeder was written in just 3 months, which is
>rather a short time for it's length for me.
Sheesh. It takes me 3 months just to come up with a story *idea*, let
alone the whole story.
> Of coarse,
"Course," not "coarse." You do that a lot.
~ ~
>when MSTing a
>work, one looks for the worse in a story, where as a reader of ASC sits
>back and enjoys. :)
I would hope that a.s.c readers *do* look for possible criticisms in the
stories posted there. Then again, half the posts on a.s.c are of the
NC-17, everybody-has-sex-in-a-big-pile variety, so I suppose there's not a
whole lot of literary criticism going on.
On the other hand, just because MSTies are in tune with the bad and cheesy
doesn't mean we can't find *good* things in a creative work. We're not
unfair... just hypercritical. :)
>Stephen Ratliff, who would like to know what you thought was wrong with
>Time Speeder.
Well, Jess ranted about Timespeeder for a while, and just about every
point he made was valid. I just have 2 things to add:
1) Jess pointed out that in the Star Trek universe, "Star Trek: The TV
Series" doesn't exist. But later in the story, you compound the error:
the two criminals check into a hotel room under the names James Kirk and
Jean-Luc Picard. Now, if everyone knows about "Star Trek," wouldn't the
hotel clerk realize that those names are obviously fake?
2) During your impassioned plea for the sake of NASA, you claim that, if
NASA was cut, millions would go on welfare and Americans would lose a
shining beacon of hope. I doubt NASA provides jobs for "millions," and
most of them would be able to find stable, well-paying jobs even if NASA
were *completely* shut down, which it wouldn't be, because then the US
would fall behind the rest of the world in certain technologies. (Gasp
for air.) Also, if you ask the average American about NASA, he'll tell
you it *should* be cut. Perhaps NASA was a source of pride back in the
1960s, but the days of Armstrong and Glenn are long passed. Nowadays,
NASA is (rightly) seen as a bloated, inefficient mess of an organization.
If NASA were cut, the average American would be too concerned with paying
for food or car payments to care one iota about the fate of yet another
money-gobbling government program.
But I digress. If you want to know any more of our criticisms, you're
just gonna have to wait until the MiSTing comes out. :)
Mike Barklage
jnevins
bark...@ucsu.Colorado.EDU (Mike Barklage) writes:
>Go ahead; it makes no difference to the MSTing. We all have copies of the
>story I downloaded from your web site, and that's the version we're using
>for the MSTing.
>>My readers in contempt ... my readers liked Time Speeder (please note
>>the space)
>Most of us know you have fans on a.s.c, and realize you don't hold them
>"in contempt." I think Jess is still in shock... first time reading an
>un-MiSTed Ratliff story, Jess? :)
all I can say is "the horror...the horror" :-)
jess
Stephen Ratliff
jnevins (jne...@bgsuvax.bgsu.edu) wrote:
{some points to improve my writing, which I responded to privitely}
This last one however, I had to reply more publicly
:
: l) Finally - I could go on, but I'll stop now - saying that Marrissa was
: bad taste, and made me genuinely angry. To say that a precocious
: teenager can solve a problem that has stymied the best diplomats of the
: 1990s is an insult to those diplomats as well as a slap in the face of
: the living and dead who have suffered, and continue to suffer, in this
: conflict. Do you think the Muslim women who were forced into the Serbian
: rape camps would be happy to hear that their problems could be solved by
: a teenager? DO YOU?
with a decendent of the problem ... It involves some elements, not all
and does not solve every one of them, just the ones involving the
governments and the miltary forces ... the rest of them will require the
presence of a full time team of medical and psychological personel
However, I beleive the aforementioned women would welcome a well
reasoned solution provided by anyone, even a 12 year-old girl who fell
in to the mediation job.
: jess, in a state of high dudgeon over that last item
Stephen, who believes that a solution would take time, but the first
steps shouldn't.
Mike Sphar
Did Ancient Astronauts named T-Bone <tbo...@io.com> once write the
following? Read the book:
>> Well, he speeds and that's bad. Remember, it's fun until somebody dies! :-)
>
>Then it's fun AND cool!
AND profitable!
--
Mikey "Dreamy" Sphar (The Artist Formerly known as Mikey Inglis)
If this has anything to do with pogs, I'll shoot myself.
-- Slappy Squirrel
Mike Sphar
Did Ancient Astronauts named jne...@bgsuvax.bgsu.edu (jnevins) once write
the following? Read the book:
>able to solve the Bosnian planets problems in a week is in staggeringly
>bad taste, and made me genuinely angry. To say that a precocious
>teenager can solve a problem that has stymied the best diplomats of the
>1990s is an insult to those diplomats as well as a slap in the face of
>the living and dead who have suffered, and continue to suffer, in this
>conflict. Do you think the Muslim women who were forced into the Serbian
>rape camps would be happy to hear that their problems could be solved by
>a teenager? DO YOU?
Maybe she's distanly related to Kenny? I haven't read the story, but did
solving the problem involve the timely appearance of a giant turtle?
jnevins
jc...@faraday.clas.Virginia.EDU (Jamie Plummer) writes:
>jnevins (jne...@bgsuvax.bgsu.edu) wrote:
>[Why Ratliff and Timspeeder are no good snipped]
>Two things:
>Jess, keep your criticisms to the MSTings. Not only did you
>seem a bit to aggresive, but if Ratliff takes your advice to
>heart, he may actually improve. And that wouldn't be any fun,
>now, would it?
good point....
>Ratliff, if jess doesn't think you understand the political >process,
maybe it's not too bad after all! (I haven't read it >and certainly won't
try without the benefit of a MSTing).
um, Jamie, you'd have said the same thing about the politics in it had
you read it. It had nothing to do with liberal vs. conservative or
Democrat vs. Republican, but simply how Washington really works, and what
politicians really care about....
jess
Dan Siemens
: OK, you can insult me, you can insult my family ... but my High School.
: Gentlemen ... Doctor Martha M Cobble will be expecting an apology. The
: school is located at 3712 Chaparral Drive SW; Roanoke, VA 24018.
Actually, my take on this is that Ms. Cobble (a teacher of yours, I
presume) owes all of US an apology. (Ba-doom-tsh!)
Dan
Stephen Ratliff
Mike Barklage (bark...@ucsu.Colorado.EDU) wrote:
:
:
: Go ahead; it makes no difference to the MSTing. We all have copies of the
: story I downloaded from your web site, and that's the version we're using
: for the MSTing.
:
: >My readers in contempt ... my readers liked Time Speeder (please note
: >the space)
:
: Most of us know you have fans on a.s.c, and realize you don't hold them
: "in contempt." I think Jess is still in shock... first time reading an
: un-MiSTed Ratliff story, Jess? :)
: > I had fun writing Time Speeder ... perhaps you don't like
: >Clinton, Congress (including the gentlemen from Virginia, JOHN Warner
: >and Chuck Robb), and that guy with the Spock tie.
:
: You just mentioned many of the parts we had problems with, yes. If you're
: going to have a story take place in our current reality, then you'd better
: have a firm grasp of reality and be able to show it in your work. More
: on that later.
:
: >I have to admit Time Speeder was written in just 3 months, which is
: >rather a short time for it's length for me.
:
: Sheesh. It takes me 3 months just to come up with a story *idea*, let
: alone the whole story.
:
: >when MSTing a
: >work, one looks for the worse in a story, where as a reader of ASC sits
: >back and enjoys. :)
:
: I would hope that a.s.c readers *do* look for possible criticisms in the
: stories posted there. Then again, half the posts on a.s.c are of the
: NC-17, everybody-has-sex-in-a-big-pile variety, so I suppose there's not a
: whole lot of literary criticism going on.
of Captain/First Officer romance (Kirk/Spock Janeway/Chakotay) and Troi/
Worf or Riker, with a little Q thrown in for spice.
:
: On the other hand, just because MSTies are in tune with the bad and cheesy
: doesn't mean we can't find *good* things in a creative work. We're not
: unfair... just hypercritical. :)
:
: >Stephen Ratliff, who would like to know what you thought was wrong with
: >Time Speeder.
:
: Well, Jess ranted about Timespeeder for a while, and just about every
: point he made was valid. I just have 2 things to add:
:
: 1) Jess pointed out that in the Star Trek universe, "Star Trek: The TV
: Series" doesn't exist. But later in the story, you compound the error:
: the two criminals check into a hotel room under the names James Kirk and
: Jean-Luc Picard. Now, if everyone knows about "Star Trek," wouldn't the
: hotel clerk realize that those names are obviously fake?
:
: 2) During your impassioned plea for the sake of NASA, you claim that, if
: NASA was cut, millions would go on welfare and Americans would lose a
: shining beacon of hope. I doubt NASA provides jobs for "millions," and
: most of them would be able to find stable, well-paying jobs even if NASA
: were *completely* shut down, which it wouldn't be, because then the US
: would fall behind the rest of the world in certain technologies. (Gasp
: for air.) Also, if you ask the average American about NASA, he'll tell
: you it *should* be cut. Perhaps NASA was a source of pride back in the
: 1960s, but the days of Armstrong and Glenn are long passed. Nowadays,
: NASA is (rightly) seen as a bloated, inefficient mess of an organization.
: If NASA were cut, the average American would be too concerned with paying
: for food or car payments to care one iota about the fate of yet another
: money-gobbling government program.
future as seen in Star Trek as much as the cut of NASA. The Speech was
ment to inspire, like any such speech, not be the total truth. Various
Scienists have commented that such a speech made by our president could
lead to a revival of our Space Program ... which I believe is necessary.
As for NASA being a bloated inefficient mess ... I'm willing to believe
that if we gave NASA clear objectives, it would be a lot less messy and
more efficient. Heck, that's why I wrote the speech in question.
:
: But I digress. If you want to know any more of our criticisms, you're
: just gonna have to wait until the MiSTing comes out. :)
:
:
: Mike Barklage
:
mary pleiss
>>Stephen Ratliff, who wonders what MSTies have against real life.
>I cannot *begin* to analyze everything that's wrong with this statement.
>Christine Malcom-Department of Anthropology (cm...@kimbark.uchicago.edu)
>Indestructible Gouda Llama Woman hopes someone else will because she'll
>be in the corner, curled into a ball and whimpering
It's okay, Christine....we didn't want *his* silly old reality anyway.
Mary
Doug Natelson
>Doug Natelson (nate...@embezzle.Stanford.EDU) wrote:
>:
>: I might be able to shed some light on this. I don't know which MSTing
>: of a Ratliff story what I'm about to describe is from, but I've seen
>: it on r.a.t.m.m. in the last year. At some point, Ratliff had a scene in
>: one of his stories with Marissa sunning herself by a pool on Risa,
>: with multiple Starfleet supernumeraries discussing hitting on her.
>: The MSTing reaction was, to put it mildly, 'We're getting into a whole
>: weird area here! She's only *13* for goodness' sake!!!!'
>I find this extremely ironic, the one scene I took from real life, and
>it gets such a reaction. Of course at the time it happend the males is
>question were 18-19 (names have been changed to protect them and yes I
>did get the four people involved permission) and as mostly Lieutenants,
>one assumes they would be older than that. However I have seen the
>foriegn exchange student hit on the 13 year old resulting in being
>pushed in the pool.
Ummm, well, for what it's worth, whether this scene is taken from real
life circumstances that you've witnessed or not, I still find it personally
repellant. It felt tacked on to the story, which would've held together
just fine without it, and seemed like it was present in the narrative
purely to show us that Marrissa was sexually appealing in some way. In
short, you're the author, and you can stick whatever you want into your
stories, but when something like this is included, purely for window
dressing, don't be surprised if readers speculate on your motivations.
>: There have
>: been indications in some of Ratliff's stuff of a (possibly unhealthy)
>Your opinon ... The only reason I picked up the characters was they were
>available and the right age to fit my story line. If Marrissa had been a
>boy named Mark, he would have ended up in the same position.
Certainly just my opinion. I stand by it. Making a 13-year-old character,
regardless of gender, a sex object for no obvious narrative purpose, makes
me uncomfortable.
>: obsession with young girls. I've got a pretty stern stomach (Manos
>: and Monster-a-go-go, no prob :) ), but sometimes Ratliff's attitude toward
>: his young female characters really creeps me out....
>Perhaps you can't stand the fact that a young girl knows how to take
>charge of her life (and the starship as well)
>
Apart from my opinion of the whole Kids' Crew concept (it's silly, to
put it mildly), the thing I can't stand is the objectification, even
fictional, of a 13-year-old character, especially when it serves no
useful dramatic purpose (unlike, say, Nabokov's Lolita). Believe me,
I've got no problems with women in positions of authority.
>Stephen Ratliff, who wonders what MSTies have against real life.
Doug Natelson, who won't say anything more on this subject, since he'll
never convince Stephen Ratliff of anything.
Jamie Plummer
: Previously on "Twin Peaks", David Anderson wrote:
: >jne...@bgsuvax.bgsu.edu (jnevins) wrote:
: >>bark...@ucsu.Colorado.EDU (Mike Barklage) writes:
: >>>Most of us know you have fans on a.s.c, and realize you don't hold them
: >>>"in contempt." I think Jess is still in shock... first time reading an
: >>>un-MiSTed Ratliff story, Jess? :)
: >>
: >
: >You want horror, bro? I'LL give you horror...I'LL give you HORROR!
: >Sure, I'd heard the rumors. I fervently hoped they were false. But today, I
: >mademy more-or-less-monthly trip to my comic shop of choice (Magic Dragon
: >comics, in Arlington, primarily for its proximity -- I still have friends at
: >The Million Year Picnic in Cambridge and can only speak glowingly of The Outer
: >Limits inWaltham), when I came across the latest issue of Marvel Comics'
: >propaganda rag,MARVEL VISION. The rumors are confirmed. My worst nightmare
: >becomes shocking reality.
: >The STAR TREK/X-MEN crossover is HAPPENING!
: >My first reaction: AAAAAAAAAUUUUUUGGGGHHHHHHH!! [tm Charles Schulz]
: >My second reaction: Maybe it's a joke. Nope, it's not the April issue.
: >My third reaction: AAAAAAAAAUUUUUUGGGGHHHHHHH!! [tm Charles Schulz]
: >My fourth reaction: Marvel must be stopped. Now. They've finally gone TOO FAR.
: >If you'll excuse me, I'm off to search for a nice, safe place, where evil such
: >as this is not tolerated by reasoning human beings.
: DC?
: Seriously, I had heard this rumor as well, and must say that after having it
: confirmed earlier on r.a.st.info, it immediately wnt to the top of my list of
: Reasons Why Western Civilization Is In Trouble, dislodging Broccoli from the
: numbr one spot.
: X-Trek! Yeesh!
Sheesh. And I thought that insipid piece of poopie called
"Legends of the Dark Claw" (Wolverine with a cape fighting crime
in Gotham City) was evil. Marvel and DC were equally
responsible for THAT travesty...
But, but.... X-trek?
Mike Balcom
>
>Previously on "Twin Peaks", David Anderson wrote:
>>jne...@bgsuvax.bgsu.edu (jnevins) wrote:
>>
>>The STAR TREK/X-MEN crossover is HAPPENING!
>>My first reaction: AAAAAAAAAUUUUUUGGGGHHHHHHH!! [tm Charles Schulz]
>
>
A deep and frightening sense of morbid curiosity compels me to seek out this
comic and peruse it. NOT purchase it, mind you. I may be sick but I'm not
nuts.
X-Mike
I think the Pope announced that he was commanded, in a vision, to excomunicate
anyone, Christian or not, who read or wrote this abomination.
Steve Adelson
|> In article <4qsdrv$kj8...@msfc.nasa.gov>, bi...@Traveller.COM says...
|> >
|> >Previously on "Twin Peaks", David Anderson wrote:
|> >>jne...@bgsuvax.bgsu.edu (jnevins) wrote:
|> >>
|> >>The STAR TREK/X-MEN crossover is HAPPENING!
|> >>My first reaction: AAAAAAAAAUUUUUUGGGGHHHHHHH!! [tm Charles Schulz]
|> >
|> >X-Trek! Yeesh!
|> >
|> A deep and frightening sense of morbid curiosity compels me to seek out this
|> comic and peruse it. NOT purchase it, mind you. I may be sick but I'm not
|> nuts.
|>
|> X-Mike
I'm waiting for the Monty Python/X-Men crossover, X-Parrot
Seattle Steve, also waiting for the MST (Joel version)/X-Men crossover,
X-Box. No, wait, they did that already.
--
Seattle, May 2, 1996: Shaken, not stirred.
Christine Malcom
>cm...@midway.uchicago.edu (Christine Malcom) wrote:
>>>Stephen Ratliff, who wonders what MSTies have against real life.
>
>
>>Christine Malcom-Department of Anthropology (cm...@kimbark.uchicago.edu)
>>Indestructible Gouda Llama Woman hopes someone else will because she'll
>>be in the corner, curled into a ball and whimpering
>
>It's okay, Christine....we didn't want *his* silly old reality anyway.
You said it, Mary...I'll take my reality lite, thanks.
Christine Malcom-Department of Anthropology (cm...@kimbark.uchicago.edu)
Indestructible Gouda Llama Woman's reality lite has no children
____________________________________________________________________________
The Inca chief kept drums made from the skins of chiefs who had rebelled
against him. The whole body was made into a human drum which seemed to come
to life and quiver grotesquely when the belly was slapped with the hand."
Don Felipe Guaman Poma de Ayala
Mike Czaplinski
>
> In article <jnevins....@bgsuvax.bgsu.edu>,
> jnevins <jne...@bgsuvax.bgsu.edu> wrote:
> >
> >f) Speeding tickets in Star Trek? SPEEDING TICKETS???
>
>
> No, really. There really is a Warp 5 speed limit in the real Trek
> universe. Honest. They introduced it in a sixth-season (I think)
> episode of ST:TNG dealing with how warp engines were damaging subspace.
> It was a thinly-disguised allegory for 20th-century environmental
> pollution. What made it stick was they actually referred to this Warp 5
> Limit in one or two SUBSEQUENT episodes of ST:TNG, thus making it a
> "real" part of the Trek universe. (Trek is so starved for continuity
> that having ANYTHING from a previous episode come back later is hailed
> as a masterstroke of genius by some fans, but I digress.)
Let us not forget that one of the big design features of the USS
VOYAGER is its 'subspace friendly' engines that allow it to safely
exceed the Warp 5 limit.
Jeez, give me the heady days of the muscle starships of the 2360's,
when you could do Warp 8 without hardly any pressure on the pedal....
Mike "And those anti-matter blowers!" Czaplinski
mike.ca...@washingtondc.ncr.com
mary pleiss
today--
During the opening credits of "Secret Agent Super Dragon", we see:
"By special arrangement, Marisa Mell"
^^^^^^
and Joel says, "Special arrangements? What, did they have to get her
out of fourth grade?"
I'm sure it's a coincidence, but still, it's kind of a creepy one.
mary (the fact that I teach 4th graders is just a coincidence, too)
Bryan Lambert
cm...@midway.uchicago.edu (Christine Malcom) wrote:
>>Stephen Ratliff, who wonders what MSTies have against real life.
>I cannot *begin* to analyze everything that's wrong with this statement.
I can.
Sorry, Mr. Ratliff, but anyone whose idea of romance is having the heroine
conceive on her wedding night has no business whatsoever coming in here to
discuss "real life" with us. No way, no how.
Bryan Lambert <bryan....@co.hennepin.mn.us>
. . . who'd curl up in a ball and whimper too, 'cept it seems like they're all
taken.
David Anderson
>In article <jnevins....@bgsuvax.bgsu.edu>,
>jnevins <jne...@bgsuvax.bgsu.edu> wrote:
>>
>>f) Speeding tickets in Star Trek? SPEEDING TICKETS???
>
>Well, of course, how else will you enforce the Warp Five Limit?
>
>No, really. There really is a Warp 5 speed limit in the real Trek
>universe. Honest. They introduced it in a sixth-season (I think)
>episode of ST:TNG dealing with how warp engines were damaging subspace.
>It was a thinly-disguised allegory for 20th-century environmental
>pollution.
A thinly-disguised allegory. In STAR TREK. Quelle surprise. Just once...ONCE, I
tell you, I'd like to see a heavily-disguised allegory in some incarnation of
TREK.
--
========*Opinions expressed here are mine and mine alone. Deal with it.*========
* David Anderson * lan...@cybercom.net * http://www.cybercom.net/~lando5 *
* "Uh, excuse me...what does God need with a starship?" *
* --James T. Kirk *
==========*MSTie #46861 * Sliders, Nowhere Man, Duckman & Kindred fan*==========
Mike Sphar
<mike.cz...@washingtondc.ncr.com> once write the following? Read the
book:
>Let us not forget that one of the big design features of the USS
>VOYAGER is its 'subspace friendly' engines that allow it to safely
>exceed the Warp 5 limit.
Heck, whatever happened to trans-warp drive? One overweight engineer yanks
the bolts out, and they scrap the whole project?
Actually, now that I think about it, that's fairly realistic.
>Jeez, give me the heady days of the muscle starships of the 2360's,
>when you could do Warp 8 without hardly any pressure on the pedal....
Stay away from Warp 10, though. It'll turn you into a newt! (It got
better.) And you'll have to mate with your captain. *And*, worst of all,
in the end you'll have to come back to the same damn boring ship.
Bill Livingston
>Fairly reliable sources inform me that Roger M. Wilcox wrote:
>>jnevins <jne...@bgsuvax.bgsu.edu> wrote:
>>>f) Speeding tickets in Star Trek? SPEEDING TICKETS???
>>
>>No, really. There really is a Warp 5 speed limit in the real Trek
>>universe. Honest. They introduced it in a sixth-season (I think)
>>episode of ST:TNG dealing with how warp engines were damaging subspace.
>>It was a thinly-disguised allegory for 20th-century environmental
>>pollution.
>
>A thinly-disguised allegory. In STAR TREK. Quelle surprise. Just once...ONCE, I
>tell you, I'd like to see a heavily-disguised allegory in some incarnation of
>TREK.
They had a heavily-disguised allegory in one epsisode of DS9, but it vowed never
to come back after the make-up crew needed 5 hours just to attach its prosthetic
forehead (that it wore on its real head)
Anyway, its scene was cut.
Bill L.
"Tonight: Quark finds a rock to wind a subspace string around"
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
bi...@Traveller.COM http://www.Traveller.COM/~bill
Best if Used by Date on Label
Rob Bowell
srat...@runet.edu (Stephen Ratliff) wrote:
>Perhaps you can't stand the fact that a young girl knows how to take
>charge of her life (and the starship as well)
>
You see, Stephen, a 13 year old girl -doesn't- know how to take charge
of her own life in any sphere, especially not in one dealing with 18 + year
old men hitting on her. That's precisely why we have laws against pedophilia.
I find it rather disturbing that you're asserting a very young teen's freedom
to "take charge of her life." It sounds rather like the cry of a pedophiliac
who gets caught: "S/he wanted it."
>Stephen Ratliff, who wonders what MSTies have against real life.
>
Irony. Look it up.
I am the god of Hellfire, and I bring you:
Rob Bowell, MSTie #67753
*******************************************************************************
The Wheel of Time turns, and Ages come and pass, leaving memories that become
legend. Legend fades to myth, and myth is long forgotten when the Age that gave
it birth comes again. In one age, called the Third Age by some, an Age yet to
come, and Age long past, a wind rose in the great forest called Braem Wood. The
wind was not the beginning. There are neither beginnings nor endings to the
turning of the Wheel of Time. But it was -a- beginning.
--from "A Crown Of Swords" by Robert Jordan
*******************************************************************************
Rob Bowell
gaf...@iconn.net (Sean Gaffney) wrote:
>> srat...@runet.edu (Stephen Ratliff) writes:
>
>> Stephen Ratliff, who would like to know what you thought was wrong with
>> Time Speeder.
>
>reaction:
Well, you know, I haven't brought it up yet for fear of showing my
stupidity, but no-one else is remarking on it, and it's -really- starting to
burn my britches:
The ST: TNG Universe takes place something like 200 years in the
future? Or is it 400? It's really immaterial. Chelsey Clinton is now in her
late teens. That'd make her . . . oh, say . . . 220?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
How the -hell- is she still alive? That was the most glaringly stupid piece
of the Ratliff world, and no-one's said word one about it (unless I missed an
explanation in an earlier MSTing).
Michael K. Neylon
>In article <4qm1pm$4...@news.iconn.net>,
> gaf...@iconn.net (Sean Gaffney) wrote:
>>> srat...@runet.edu (Stephen Ratliff) writes:
>>
>>> Stephen Ratliff, who would like to know what you thought was wrong with
>>> Time Speeder.
>>
>>Well, when I first heard about Chelsea and Wesley hooking up, this was my
>>reaction:
>
> Well, you know, I haven't brought it up yet for fear of showing my
>stupidity, but no-one else is remarking on it, and it's -really- starting to
>burn my britches:
> The ST: TNG Universe takes place something like 200 years in the
>future? Or is it 400? It's really immaterial. Chelsey Clinton is now in her
>late teens. That'd make her . . . oh, say . . . 220?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
>How the -hell- is she still alive? That was the most glaringly stupid piece
>of the Ratliff world, and no-one's said word one about it (unless I missed an
>explanation in an earlier MSTing).
>
Remember, this *is* the Ratliff universe we are talking about here.
I can see 3 or 4 possible situations for how Chelsey lives until the
24th century...
1) During Chelsha graduation ceremonies from Harvard law, the Nexus
just *happens* to be in the area of Earth, and she is sucked into it.
Then, for some strange reason, Wesley decides to check out the nexus
400 years later, only to find Chelsey in the middle of an infinite fashion
show. Hilarity ensues.
2) Janeway discovers another Guardian of Time in the Delta quadrant.
She, Tuvok, and Neelix go through it to find the US at the brink of
nuclear war. Bill begs the trio to take Chelsey with them on their
way back (after a brief but short love affair with Newt). Wesley
then visits Voyager with its new crew member, Captain Clinton.
Hilarity ensues.
3) Jake Sisko, while exploring the bowels of DS9, discovers several
cyrogenic chambers. Further examination reveals that they are cardiassian
make, and contain the bodies of several earth leaders of the 20th
century. All but one were damaged, killing the contents. The remaining
one contains poor Chelsey, who is revived and is shocked at the sudden
awakening. Hilarity ensues.
4) The Doctor lands the TARDIS in the middle of Wash- oh, wait,
that's a crossover... :-) In any case, Hilarity ensues.
Come on, make your own story up. It's fun!
--
Michael K. Neylon, UM ChE Grad | "Look! Every time I move my arm, it
mne...@engin.umich.edu | costs the Cartoon Network $42!...
A!, PatB, F!, MST, ST, DW | Look!...$42...$84..." - SGC2C
http://www-personal.engin.umich.edu/~mneylon
Bill Livingston
Two more possibilities:
5) Bones injects himself with yet more hyper-hallucinogens, and trips through
the guardian of forever to 1996. Kirk & Spock chase him down when his tampering
results in a galactic empire ruled by Emperor Pauly Shore IX. In 1996, the
three of them chase a really buzzed McCoy through the White House, pursued by
James Carville & Craig Livingstone (absolutely NO realtion!!!). Chelsea shows
them the secret escape route through the war room because she thinks Kirk is "a
cutie pie". At the last second she joins them, but is thrown 100 year farther
in the future, shere she meets Wesley. Hilarity ensues.
6) Data, in his never-ending quest to understand humanity, builds yet another
"daughter", embuing her with the personality profile of America's most powerful
and popular president ever, Chelsea Clinton-Gingrich, who broke with both her
father and father-in-law to found the "Party Party" in 2035. Eventually
reaching full sentience, she meets Wesley and defies her fathe by staying out
until hald past Gamma shift on a date. Hillarity ensues.
Hey, this is fun!
Bill L.
Ensuing
Bryan Lambert
Mike Czaplinski <mike.cz...@washingtondc.ncr.com> wrote:
>Let us not forget that one of the big design features of the USS
>VOYAGER is its 'subspace friendly' engines that allow it to safely
>exceed the Warp 5 limit.
Is that REALLY what those swivel-hips on Voyager are supposed to be for? Sheesh.
>Mike "And those anti-matter blowers!" Czaplinski
You mispelled "Voyager writing staff". Hope this helps. :)
Bryan Lambert <bryan....@co.hennepin.mn.us>
. . . who wonders how much abuse heaped on the Voyager writing staff is
officially "too much".
Stephen Ratliff
: In article <4qm1pm$4...@news.iconn.net>,
: gaf...@iconn.net (Sean Gaffney) wrote:
: >> srat...@runet.edu (Stephen Ratliff) writes:
: >
: >> Stephen Ratliff, who would like to know what you thought was wrong with
: >> Time Speeder.
: >
:
: burn my britches:
: her
: late teens. That'd make her . . . oh, say . . . 220?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
: How the -hell- is she still alive? That was the most glaringly stupid piece
: of the Ratliff world, and no-one's said word one about it (unless I missed
: an
: explanation in an earlier MSTing).
Of course that does assume I finish and post that story ...
As for the precise distance between the two times, the current Star Trek
Year is 2372. 376 years ... looks like there is one opition - Time
Travel. The question is which way will I go?
Live Long and Prosper,
Stephen Ratliff, who really enjoys this group. Much more discussion
that old ASC.
Tom Smith
: Previously on "Blake's 7", Michael K. Neylon wrote:
: >On Fri, 28 Jun 96 18:21:38 GMT, Rob Bowell <rbo...@monmouth.com> wrote:
: >>future? Or is it 400? It's really immaterial. Chelsey Clinton is now in her
: >>late teens. That'd make her . . . oh, say . . . 220?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
: >>How the -hell- is she still alive? That was the most glaringly stupid piece
: >>of the Ratliff world, and no-one's said word one about it (unless I missed an
: >>explanation in an earlier MSTing).
: >24th century...
: >1) During Chelsha graduation ceremonies from Harvard law, the Nexus
: >just *happens* to be in the area of Earth, and she is sucked into it.
: >Then, for some strange reason, Wesley decides to check out the nexus
: >400 years later, only to find Chelsey in the middle of an infinite fashion
: >show. Hilarity ensues.
: >2) Janeway discovers another Guardian of Time in the Delta quadrant.
: >nuclear war. Bill begs the trio to take Chelsey with them on their
: Two more possibilities:
7) Doc Zimmerman (who still hasn't decided what his name is even
though Paramount and TV Guide revealed it a year-and-a-half ago)
has a Close Encounter with Eddie, the Shipboard Computer on the
starship Heart of Gold. In an infinitely improbable sequence of
events, Eddie then (a) accidentally jumps four hundred years back
in time, (b) accidentally kidnaps Chelsea, who was coincidentally
trying to escape from the Secret Service so she could cruise the
mall, (c) picks up Chelsea's mom, who used the convenient excuse
of saving her daughter from interstellar kidnapping to get away
from another of Bill's "safe sax" episodes, (d) shleps the whole
gang back into the future, and (e) returns the Voyager to Federation
space. At this point, Wesley, who's naturally assigned to meet the
returning ship and contact the new one, sets eyes upon Chelsea, and
sparks fly (probably because the skinny doof leaned on the wrong
button while trying to look nonchalant, and short-circuited the
warp core). Mrs. Clinton has the food replicator select a likely-
looking herb brew to calm her jangled nerves. Hillary-tea ensues.
: Hey, this is fun!
Damn straight!
: Bill L.
: Ensuing
: ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
: bi...@Traveller.COM http://www.Traveller.COM/~bill
: Best if Used by Date on Label
--
Best,
+-------------------------------+-------------------------------+
| Tom Smith (toms...@izzy.net) | Amiga - Babylon 5 - MST3K |
| The World's Fastest Filker | http://www.izzy.net/~tomsmith |
+-------------------------------+-------------------------------+
David Anderson
Fairly reliable sources inform me that Jamie Plummer wrote:
>Bill Livingston (bi...@Traveller.COM) wrote:
>: Previously on "Twin Peaks", David Anderson wrote:
>: >You want horror, bro? I'LL give you horror...I'LL give you HORROR!
>: >The STAR TREK/X-MEN crossover is HAPPENING!
>: >My first reaction: AAAAAAAAAUUUUUUGGGGHHHHHHH!! [tm Charles Schulz]
>: >My second reaction: Maybe it's a joke. Nope, it's not the April issue.
>: >My third reaction: AAAAAAAAAUUUUUUGGGGHHHHHHH!! [tm Charles Schulz]
>: >My fourth reaction: Marvel must be stopped. Now. They've finally gone TOO FAR.
>: >If you'll excuse me, I'm off to search for a nice, safe place, where evil such
>: >as this is not tolerated by reasoning human beings.
>
>: DC?
>: Seriously, I had heard this rumor as well, and must say that after having it
>: confirmed earlier on r.a.st.info, it immediately wnt to the top of my list of
>: Reasons Why Western Civilization Is In Trouble, dislodging Broccoli from the
>: numbr one spot.
>: X-Trek! Yeesh!
>
>Sheesh. And I thought that insipid piece of poopie called
>"Legends of the Dark Claw" (Wolverine with a cape fighting crime
>in Gotham City) was evil. Marvel and DC were equally
>responsible for THAT travesty...
The atrocities of the Amalgam universe are well-documented...although I will
admit to some fondness for Karl Kesel and Mike Wieringo's work on "Spider-Boy."
>But, but.... X-trek?
I repeat: AAAAAAAAAUUUUUUGGGGHHHHHHH!! [tm Charles Schulz]
Mike Barklage
On 26 Jun 1996, srat...@runet.edu (Stephen Ratliff) wrote:
> : I would hope that a.s.c readers *do* look for possible criticisms in the
> : stories posted there. Then again, half the posts on a.s.c are of the
> : NC-17, everybody-has-sex-in-a-big-pile variety, so I suppose there's not a
> : whole lot of literary criticism going on.
> Actually, Thats alt.startrek.creative.erotica . Right now ASC is full
> of Captain/First Officer romance (Kirk/Spock Janeway/Chakotay) and Troi/
> Worf or Riker, with a little Q thrown in for spice.
Kirk/Spock? <Mike sticks his head out the newsgroup to vomit>
And that's *better* than the sex-in-a-pile stories on a.s.c.e?
> : 1) Jess pointed out that in the Star Trek universe, "Star Trek: The TV
> : Series" doesn't exist. But later in the story, you compound the error:
> : the two criminals check into a hotel room under the names James Kirk and
> : Jean-Luc Picard. Now, if everyone knows about "Star Trek," wouldn't the
> : hotel clerk realize that those names are obviously fake?
> How do you think Marrissa found out about the two?
That's not the point. The hotel would never have allowed to check in
using those obvious aliases, unless they were paying in cash and/or the
hotel in question was a little seedy. (Would *you* accept a Visa card
with the name "James T. Kirk" on it?) But I digress...
> OK, tell me, what else could I have being cut that would effect the
> future as seen in Star Trek as much as the cut of NASA.
They could have gone back in time to kill Gene Roddenberry... :)
Actually, the idea behind the plot is not bad -- someone travels back in
time to stop NASA before it becomes Starfleet. But there is probably a
better way to go about it than to visit some obviously gullible Senators
and tell them to completely cut NASA, which they would never ever do in
real life.
> The Speech was
> ment to inspire, like any such speech, not be the total truth.
And as in real life, any errors would be pointed out by leaders of the
opposing party and members of the press.
> Various
> Scienists have commented that such a speech made by our president could
> lead to a revival of our Space Program ... which I believe is necessary.
Necessary for what?
> As for NASA being a bloated inefficient mess ... I'm willing to believe
> that if we gave NASA clear objectives, it would be a lot less messy and
> more efficient. Heck, that's why I wrote the speech in question.
NASA would cost a good bit less if they'd stop relying on reusable space
shuttles (one-shot rockets are a good bit cheaper and can be used for the
same lame experiments that the shuttles are currently being used for),
cut back on the pork barrel politics (like many military projects, NASA is
required to overpay for many parts from all 50 states -- so that the
nation's aerospace factories can stay in business), and a host of other
political things. Simply giving NASA a new goal isn't going to help much
without revamping the entire system.
Also, the reason NASA doesn't have a clear goal is that there's really
nothing they can do that's cost-effective. Why build a space station when
it can never turn a profit? Why send men to Mars when an unmanned probe
can take the same samples? The only reason to do any of this is to say,
"We've been there." And that doesn't counterbalance the enormous cost of
such ventures, IMO.
Mike Barklage
bark...@ucsu.colorado.edu -- MSTie #19634 -- For Ed Wood items, MSTings, and
the ST:Voyager MSTing archive, go to http://rtt.colorado.edu/~barklage/
"Freedom's just another word for not caring about the quality of your work."
- Dilbert
Mike Barklage
From: srat...@runet.edu (Stephen Ratliff)
Date: 26 Jun 1996 19:53:58 GMT
> Doug Natelson (nate...@embezzle.Stanford.EDU) wrote:
> : I might be able to shed some light on this. I don't know which MSTing
> : of a Ratliff story what I'm about to describe is from, but I've seen
> : it on r.a.t.m.m. in the last year. At some point, Ratliff had a scene in
> : one of his stories with Marissa sunning herself by a pool on Risa,
> : with multiple Starfleet supernumeraries discussing hitting on her.
> : The MSTing reaction was, to put it mildly, 'We're getting into a whole
> : weird area here! She's only *13* for goodness' sake!!!!'
>
> I find this extremely ironic, the one scene I took from real life, and
> it gets such a reaction.
Just because it took place in real life doesn't make it *right*. The
scene involved an older male hitting on a 13-year-old girl, which is not
only a crime in most states, but is just *sick*. The whole creepy scene
is played up for laughs, and the older men who ogled the girl, instead of
being punished somehow, are later shown as heroes (by assisting in the
rescue attempt).
> Of course at the time it happend the males is
> question were 18-19 (names have been changed to protect them and yes I
> did get the four people involved permission) and as mostly Lieutenants,
> one assumes they would be older than that.
One *would* assume that Lieutenants would be Starfleet graduates and
were therefore in their mid-20s, at least.
> However I have seen the
> foriegn exchange student hit on the 13 year old resulting in being
> pushed in the pool.
Yuck. No offense, but you hang out with the wrong people.
> : There have
> : been indications in some of Ratliff's stuff of a (possibly unhealthy)
> Your opinon ... The only reason I picked up the characters was they were
> available and the right age to fit my story line. If Marrissa had been a
> boy named Mark, he would have ended up in the same position.
I don't understand. Your story would have included a scene depicting
attempted statutory rape regardless of the characters? Why?
> : obsession with young girls. I've got a pretty stern stomach (Manos
> : and Monster-a-go-go, no prob :) ), but sometimes Ratliff's attitude
> : toward his young female characters really creeps me out....
> Perhaps you can't stand the fact that a young girl knows how to take
> charge of her life (and the starship as well)
...and everyone else's life. In fact, she tends to snuff the lives of
anyone who stands in her way...
Let's face a little reality here, Stephen. Do *you* know anyone that
young who is "in charge of her life"? My 13-year-old sister can barely
remember to bring home her school assignments. When I was that age, I
entered a very bad part of my life that I didn't recover from until I
graduated high school (sometimes I think I'm still recovering). Everyone
has similar experiences at that age.
Meanwhile, along comes this character of Marrissa. At an age when
everyone else has wild mood swings, difficult social interactions, and a
face full of acne, she is not only able to command starships, out-shine
trained professionals 30 years her senior, and mediate disputes that have
existed for 1000 years, but she always does it PERFECTLY! She's never
failed! She's never nervous, never makes a wrong move. And everyone
LOVES her to death -- no jealousy or outright hatred amongst *this*
crew, even though anyone that successful will always make enemies.
You seem to think we are somehow envious of Marrissa. We're not, because
we know that she could never exist in real life. Of course, most of the
things depicted in "Star Trek" could never happen, but at least on *some*
level, the show rings true. Marrissa doesn't.
> Stephen Ratliff, who wonders what MSTies have against real life.
Indeed.
Micheal Keane
In article <4qsdrv$kj8...@msfc.nasa.gov>,
Bill Livingston <bi...@Traveller.COM> wrote:
>Seriously, I had heard this rumor as well, and must say that after having it
>confirmed earlier on r.a.st.info, it immediately wnt to the top of my list of
>Reasons Why Western Civilization Is In Trouble, dislodging Broccoli from the
>numbr one spot.
>
>X-Trek! Yeesh!
Oh dear.I hope this isn't the type of reaction I'll get to my "Bastard
Half-Child of All Crossovers" series that I plan on doing. I've already
written the skits for the MST3k/Nowhere Man crossover. Then it's on to
X-Files/Strange Luck, Doctor Who/Sliders, MST3k/Nowhere Man/DS9, Doctor
Who/Sliders/X-Files/Strange Luck, and the finale of MST3k/Nowhere
Man/DS9/Doctor Who/Sliders/X-Files/Strange Luck/DS9. I wanted to work
Pickets Fences, Highlander, Forever Knight, TNG, and some others in there,
but that would make things unmanagable.
--
Micheal Keane(ae...@u.washington.edu)
Get the Nowhere Man FAQ at my webpage: http://weber.u.washington.edu/~aexia
Petition Fox and tell them you want a DOCTOR WHO series in the Fall!
Join the Church of Last Thursday of Queen Maeve the Cat and be saved!
Micheal Keane
In article <4qs4gm$8...@newslink.runet.edu>,
Stephen Ratliff <srat...@runet.edu> wrote:
>Perhaps you can't stand the fact that a young girl knows how to take
>charge of her life (and the starship as well)
>
I stepped into this newsgroup really quick to get some helping finding a
conspiracy post to MST and my Irony-O-Meter just went berserk merely
entering. I think I've tracked it down to this post. I can only hope that
I can reset the thing after I leave the newsgroup.
5
4 6
3 7
logarithmic
2 /|\ 8
|
1 l i n e a r 9
0 I R O N Y O-M-E_T E R 10
5 0 0 0 0 ---___
--->11
An 11! On the logarithmic scale too! Man, and I thought the creationists
on talk.origins pushed the limits of the Irony-O-Meter... I have to
congratulate you, Stephen. I didn't think it was possible to pin it like
this and at such long range.
hei...@imap2.asu.edu
Mike Barklage (bark...@ucsu.Colorado.EDU) wrote:
: Also, the reason NASA doesn't have a clear goal is that there's really
: nothing they can do that's cost-effective. Why build a space station when
: it can never turn a profit? Why send men to Mars when an unmanned probe
: can take the same samples? The only reason to do any of this is to say,
: "We've been there." And that doesn't counterbalance the enormous cost of
: such ventures, IMO.
[Sarah drags a soapbox over into Hyde Park and starts to declaim...]
Actually, as amazing as some probes are, there's *no* substitute for
having a trained geologist study rocks up close and personal. Machines
just can't achieve what the human can. For studying rocks in situ,
you'd have to put a number of instruments on the probe, which would make
it heavy and costly. As for a sample return (which is being
planned)...well, the best an unmanned probe could do would be to send
back an easily acquired sample (after all, a probe wouldn't have much
maneuverability, and it can't hack away at a cliff face with a rock
hammer). This would mean picking up a piece of float (a rock that has
been carried away from its original place, usually by water or wind, and
is now lying on the surface--and yes, Mars had running water at one
time!). Unfortunately, studying a piece of float on Mars doesn't tell you
much--you don't know where it originally came from.
So, sending people to Mars is, in my opinion, a good idea. It's the only
way to get the most information about Mars. And by studying Mars, we can
also gain insights about Earth through studying the similarities and
differences between Mars and Earth.
[Sarah looks around at her audience. They seem to be giving her a
variety of *looks*...]
OK, I'll admit it. I'm biased. As a planetary scientist-in-training, I
and a number of my friends need the work when we graduate. But what I
said is still true! (-:
: Mike Barklage
: bark...@ucsu.colorado.edu -- MSTie #19634 -- For Ed Wood items, MSTings, and
: the ST:Voyager MSTing archive, go to http://rtt.colorado.edu/~barklage/
: "Freedom's just another word for not caring about the quality of your work."
: - Dilbert
--
Sarah Heiner hei...@asu.edu
Arizona State University
MSTie #53681
| Top Ten Tempe Butte Amusing Comments |
| (These are from reports written by geology lab students.) |
| |
| 7. There we found caliche or in layman's terms, "That darn |
| concrete my neighbor put under the soil to keep me from |
| planting my Fruitless Mulberry Tree." |
Bill Livingston
Previously on "The Preview Channel", Micheal Keane wrote:
>Bill Livingston <bi...@Traveller.COM> wrote:
>>Seriously, I had heard this rumor as well, and must say that after having it
>>confirmed earlier on r.a.st.info, it immediately wnt to the top of my list of
>>Reasons Why Western Civilization Is In Trouble, dislodging Broccoli from the
>>X-Trek! Yeesh!
>
>Oh dear.I hope this isn't the type of reaction I'll get to my "Bastard
>Half-Child of All Crossovers" series that I plan on doing. I've already
>written the skits for the MST3k/Nowhere Man crossover. Then it's on to
>X-Files/Strange Luck, Doctor Who/Sliders, MST3k/Nowhere Man/DS9, Doctor
>Who/Sliders/X-Files/Strange Luck, and the finale of MST3k/Nowhere
>Man/DS9/Doctor Who/Sliders/X-Files/Strange Luck/DS9. I wanted to work
>Pickets Fences, Highlander, Forever Knight, TNG, and some others in there,
>but that would make things unmanagable.
Hey, that sounds neat! 8-]
My reaction comes from the thought that after years of proclamation by Paramount
that "Star Trek" would *never* be allowed into continuity with any of the comics
published by whatever company held the rights (DC mostly for the last 10 years),
they're not only passing it off to Marvel but allowing the *&^%#$ X-Men to
crossover. I guess Paramount's deal with Marvel/Malibu is lot cozier than most
people thought.
Although the thought of having Captain Picard and Professor X on the same page
will probably send Rogaine sales through the roof (not to mention Ray-Bans).
Bill L.
"Engage!" *SNIKT* (barf)
Loren Haarsma
8) Star Fleet is disintigrating as officers everywhere start
committing suicide _en_masse_ when they realize what incompetent nitwits
they are compared to this young teenager. Marrissa is at a loss when
her usual (only) tactics --- dominance and manipulation --- only make
matters worse, so she uncharacteristically seeks advice from an older
person who might have experience with this sort of problem;
unfortunately, that person is Wesley Crusher. Wesley doesn't know how
to solve the problem either, so they decide to use his Super Amazing
Wesley Powers (tm) to travel back in time and study how the earth's
political, military, and religious leaders managed to maintain their
morale after the famous historical incident when the teen-aged
daughter of the United States President single-handedly saved the
world from nuclear and biological annihilation in the autumn of 1996.
Unfortunately, Wesley gets his sums wrong, and when they materialize
inside a closed-door meeting of the leaders of the "G-7," Russia and
China, they wind up precipitating the crisis they intended to study!
Hilarity ensues.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
"If you do the job badly enough, sometimes |
you don't get asked to do it again." | Loren Haarsma
--Calvin (_Calvin_and_Hobbes_) | lhaa...@opal.tufts.edu
T-Bone
NASA does have a clear goal: to give high-paying jobs to unemployable PhDs.
T-Bone, tbo...@io.com (on the web at http://www.io.com/~tbone1/)
"scott, gramercy just called me and told me they hate you."
- julie walker (texas ranger)
Mike Czaplinski
bark...@ucsu.Colorado.EDU (Mike Barklage) wrote:
>
>
> On 26 Jun 1996, srat...@runet.edu (Stephen Ratliff) wrote:
>
> > : I would hope that a.s.c readers *do* look for possible criticisms in the
> > : stories posted there. Then again, half the posts on a.s.c are of the
> > : NC-17, everybody-has-sex-in-a-big-pile variety, so I suppose there's not a
> > : whole lot of literary criticism going on.
> > Actually, Thats alt.startrek.creative.erotica . Right now ASC is full
> > of Captain/First Officer romance (Kirk/Spock Janeway/Chakotay) and Troi/
> > Worf or Riker, with a little Q thrown in for spice.
>
> Kirk/Spock? <Mike sticks his head out the newsgroup to vomit>
Actually, one of the most shameful Trek-related subgenres has long
been the 'K & S' story, which predate the 'net and date back as far as
fan fiction itself.
Described by some SF writer (I think it was David Gerrold) as "Barbara
Cartland Heroines in Drag" (Drag used, in this sense, as someone dressing
& acting like the opposite sex), the stories deal with...ahem....
"Hot Monkey Lovin'" between Kirk & Spock, usually (but not always)
because they've been captured by aliens and gosh darn it! Wouldn't
you know that Spock's 7 year itch is just hitting!
<*Attach WockaChickaWockWow.WAV*>
Now, it's not that I'm against the depiction of homosexual love in
literature or film or anything. Just because it's not my cup of tea
doesn't mean it should be 'banned'. It's just that the depiction of
homosexual love between Kirk & Spock is completely counter to the
nature of the characters' friendship, and to my mind anyone who would
write stories like in earnest (as opposed to as tasteless jokes) really
and truly needs to get a life, or at least a partner of whatever persuasion
turns them on, if they even know, which I tend to think a few of them
don't.
Mike "K & S fanfics....brrr....talk about 'shrinky-dink'..." Czaplinski
mike.cz...@washingtondc.ncr.com
Mike Czaplinski
From my cursory recollection of ST:TOS and the STARFLEET TECHNICAL
MANUAL, Starfleet Academy accepts Midshipmen at the age of 16 (though
there is an implication that 16 is a little young, and they generally
join at 17 or 18). Since it is implied that the Academy runs a four
year program (I'd have to look it up, if it's mentioned anywhere),
the average Starfleet Ensign fresh from the Academy is at minimum
(barring a Marissa/Doogie Howser-like prodigy) 20. Let's add an
arbitrary +2-5 years prior their promotion from Ensign to Lieutenant,
so your estimation of their age is spot on.
Maybe they were all from a planet colonized by transplanted West
Virginians?
[snip]
> > : obsession with young girls. I've got a pretty stern stomach (Manos
> > : and Monster-a-go-go, no prob :) ), but sometimes Ratliff's attitude
> > : toward his young female characters really creeps me out....
> > Perhaps you can't stand the fact that a young girl knows how to take
> > charge of her life (and the starship as well)
>
> ....and everyone else's life. In fact, she tends to snuff the lives of
> anyone who stands in her way...
>
> Let's face a little reality here, Stephen. Do *you* know anyone that
> young who is "in charge of her life"? My 13-year-old sister can barely
> remember to bring home her school assignments. When I was that age, I
> entered a very bad part of my life that I didn't recover from until I
> graduated high school (sometimes I think I'm still recovering). Everyone
> has similar experiences at that age.
>
> Meanwhile, along comes this character of Marrissa. At an age when
> everyone else has wild mood swings, difficult social interactions, and a
> face full of acne, she is not only able to command starships, out-shine
> trained professionals 30 years her senior, and mediate disputes that have
> existed for 1000 years, but she always does it PERFECTLY! She's never
> failed! She's never nervous, never makes a wrong move. And everyone
> LOVES her to death -- no jealousy or outright hatred amongst *this*
> crew, even though anyone that successful will always make enemies.
>
> You seem to think we are somehow envious of Marrissa. We're not, because
> we know that she could never exist in real life. Of course, most of the
> things depicted in "Star Trek" could never happen, but at least on *some*
> level, the show rings true. Marrissa doesn't.
I'm a big believer in fiction as therapy myself.
So I posit that the Marissa stories can be most profitably read in
that light.
> > Stephen Ratliff, who wonders what MSTies have against real life.
>
> Indeed.
As I've said to Robert Mobbs, so say I to Stephen Ratliff:
I'm sure your home planet is a lovely place.
Mike "I just don't ever want to go there" Czaplinski
mike.cz...@washingtondc.ncr.com
The Famous Scott (Hammack)
They're on a collision course to wackiness!
Sorry, just had to say (type) that some time today.
--
The Famous
____ __ __
/ __/ _________ / /_/ /_ "I am one weird mammajamma."
\__ \/ ___/ __ \/ __/ __/ sham...@goldinc.com
___/ / /__/ /_/ / /_/ /_ http://www.goldinc.com/~shammack/
/____/\___/\____/\__/\__/ MiSTie #70867
nicklby
sdredge <sdr...@micron.net> wrote:
>sade...@orchid.bvu-lads.loral.com (Steve Adelson) wrote:
>>
>> In article <4quaug$f...@news-old.tiac.net>, mi...@techspk.com (Mike Balcom) writes:
>> |> In article <4qsdrv$kj8...@msfc.nasa.gov>, bi...@Traveller.COM says...
>> |> >
>> |> >Previously on "Twin Peaks", David Anderson wrote:
>> |> >>jne...@bgsuvax.bgsu.edu (jnevins) wrote:
>> |> >>
>> |> >>The STAR TREK/X-MEN crossover is HAPPENING!
>> |> >>My first reaction: AAAAAAAAAUUUUUUGGGGHHHHHHH!! [tm Charles Schulz]
>> |> >
>> |> >X-Trek! Yeesh!
>> |> >
>> |> A deep and frightening sense of morbid curiosity compels me to seek out this
>> |> comic and peruse it. NOT purchase it, mind you. I may be sick but I'm not
>> |> nuts.
>> |>
>> |> X-Mike
>>
>> I'm waiting for the Monty Python/X-Men crossover, X-Parrot
>>
>> Seattle Steve, also waiting for the MST (Joel version)/X-Men crossover,
>> X-Box. No, wait, they did that already.
>> --
>> Seattle, May 2, 1996: Shaken, not stirred.
> How about an X-Men/Sliders crossover.
How about the X-men fly into Los Angeles International and team up
with the security force there?
They could call it X-LAX.
nicklby
give me a break. my best friend's moving
to Germany, so I'm emotionally vulnerable
***************************************
"Cow."
-- Helen Hunt in "Twister."
***************************************
nic...@primenet.com
MSTie No. 66644
No home page?
No problem!
Scott Johnson
Stephen Ratliff (srat...@runet.edu) wrote:
: Perhaps you can't stand the fact that a young girl knows how to take
: charge of her life (and the starship as well)
The main thing most people seem to have difficulty with is that Marrissa
is *absolutely* in control of *every* situation. No matter what happens,
no matter what difficulties and obstacles you throw at her, people are just
going to yawn and say, 'Oh, yeah, the super-genius 13-year-old girl is
going to come up with some flip, witty plan and win the day without even
getting a single hair out of place. She'll probably get some promotions
and medals out of it, too. Boring.' Not only does it create a total
lack of suspense or dramatic tension, it also makes for a pretty shallow
character. She's, basically, perfect beyond human comprehension. I
don't think it's totally hopeless, but you're really going to have to
rethink a few things if you want to recapture peoples' interest and respect.
One possible way to do this would be with a story idea like this: what if
Marrissa screwed up? What if she went up against another cosmic threat,
and she came up with another of her devilishly simple but effective plans
- only she forgot to take something into account, or didn't realize just
how complex the situation was, or something like that, and her plan goes
horribly wrong? And, because she messed up, real tragedy strikes - the
galaxy is imperiled even worse than before, people die, maybe even
someone she knows and really cares about is killed (preferably someone
you've established as being a long-time friend for a while now, not just
a throwaway character created for the story). How would Marrissa react
to that? Just now, I don't think anyone who reads your stories would
have any idea how she'd react, since you've never really shown Marrissa
fail at anything, much less have someone else pay the price. How would
she feel knowing that she was responsible for the death of a friend? How
would she deal with failure, with loss, with tragedy? How would she deal
with a situation where, for once, she wasn't the perfect hero, but rather
someone who had tried to be a hero but failed? If you explored Marrissa
in situations that made her less an unshakeable goddess, and more, well,
human, I think people might be a bit more willing to look at your stories
with less of a jaundiced eye. And the stories would certainly be a bit
more complex and unpredictable.
--
Scott Johnson |
za...@io.com | This space intentionally left blank.
sdredge
T-Bone
Stephen Ratliff (srat...@runet.edu) wrote:
> Perhaps you can't stand the fact that a young girl knows how to take
> charge of her life (and the starship as well)
Here's an idea: ask the father of any 14 or 15 year old girl what he
thinks of his daughter taking charge of her life, or even his Visa card.
The hollow, maniacal laughter should send you back to your cave posthate.
Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that a young girl who tries
to take charge of her life is going to run into you boys trying to do the
same. Maybe your hometown was different, but where I come from there are
enough examples of the "Male as complete scum" types to keep the
stereotype of "All males are complete scum" alive.
Now I'm not saying that it's impossible for someone that young to be
mature. Adulthood comes very quickly to some people. Blues legend Little
Walter, for example, was already a professional musician on his own by the
age of eight, and died an old man at the age of 37. However, if someone IS
like this, they tend to become such mean, vicious, borderline psychotic
motherfuckers very quickly. In the admittedly few stories I've read so
far, Marissa shows none of these signs. She can annihilate an entire fleet
of enemy ships but still be a 'normal' (ie suburbanish) teenager. Sorry, I
don't buy it.
Besides, how often does she make a wrong decision? You getting ready to
promote her to Godhood, with Odin sending down Valkyries so she can be at
his side in Valhalla?
Jamie Plummer
Mike Barklage (bark...@ucsu.Colorado.EDU) wrote:
: nothing they can do that's cost-effective. Why build a space station when
: it can never turn a profit? Why send men to Mars when an unmanned probe
: can take the same samples? The only reason to do any of this is to say,
: "We've been there." And that doesn't counterbalance the enormous cost of
: such ventures, IMO.
For a good outline on how a manned mission to Mars could be
profitable if NASA and the government would just step ot of the
way, see The New York Times Magazine from a few weeks ago.
--
Jamie Plummer jc...@faraday.clas.virginia.edu
MST Saved!!! go to http://faraday.clas.virginia.edu/~jcp9j/canceled.html
"Ask yourself if you have what it takes to be a columnist... do you have enough self-confidence so that after studying a magazine article on brain
surgery for 20 minutes, you feel comfortable giving a lecture to a thousand brain surgeons on what's wrong with their profession?" - David Brooks
Chip Salzenberg
According to lhaa...@opal.tufts.edu (Loren Haarsma):
>8) Star Fleet is disintigrating as officers everywhere start
>committing suicide _en_masse_ when they realize what incompetent nitwits
>Unfortunately, Wesley gets his sums wrong, and when they materialize
>inside a closed-door meeting of the leaders of the "G-7," Russia and
>China, they wind up precipitating the crisis they intended to study!
>Hilarity ensues.
Please stop. You're scaring me.
ChipDude
he might actually _write_ one of these...
Tim Margheim
In article <31d6aff9...@news.cybercom.net>, lan...@cybercom.net
says...
>The atrocities of the Amalgam universe are well-documented...
Ya got that right. I've got a complete encyclopedia of the Amalgam
universem saved on the net.
>although I will
>admit to some fondness for Karl Kesel and Mike Wieringo's work on
"Spider-Boy."
Ditto. Although it was the only one I bought.
>>But, but.... X-trek?
>I repeat: AAAAAAAAAUUUUUUGGGGHHHHHHH!! [tm Charles Schulz]
Good grief.
----------
Tim Margheim MSTie Number: 70844
"The intelligence displayed in a thread is inversely proportional to the
number of newsgroups in which it appears."
Fred Wagener
>Besides, how often does she make a wrong decision? You getting ready to
>promote her to Godhood, with Odin sending down Valkyries so she can be at
>his side in Valhalla?
Wait...you've just hit on the secret behind the Marissa stories. She IS a
god! She's yet another one of those divinely powerful beings that seem to
swarm around the ST universe. She's just pretending to be a 13 year old
girl until she gets bored with it, then she'll do something else. Or maybe
she's Picard's old nemesis, Q, pulling off his longest and most elaborate
prank yet. Or maybe she's a renegade Orgainian who's got the attitude
"Peace treaty!?! To hell with that! I want to blow stuff up!" Or maybe...
Or maybe I should go lie down for a while.
Fredrick(who maintains you can rationalize ANYTHING in Star Trek)
Soundwave [Chad Gould]
nicklby (nic...@primenet.com) wrote:
: sdredge <sdr...@micron.net> wrote:
: >sade...@orchid.bvu-lads.loral.com (Steve Adelson) wrote:
: >> In article <4quaug$f...@news-old.tiac.net>, mi...@techspk.com (Mike Balcom) writes:
: >> |> In article <4qsdrv$kj8...@msfc.nasa.gov>, bi...@Traveller.COM says...
: >> |> >Previously on "Twin Peaks", David Anderson wrote:
: >> |> >>jne...@bgsuvax.bgsu.edu (jnevins) wrote:
: >> |> >>The STAR TREK/X-MEN crossover is HAPPENING!
: >> |> >>My first reaction: AAAAAAAAAUUUUUUGGGGHHHHHHH!! [tm Charles Schulz]
: >> |> >X-Trek! Yeesh!
: >> |> A deep and frightening sense of morbid curiosity compels me to seek out this
: >> |> comic and peruse it. NOT purchase it, mind you. I may be sick but I'm not
: >> |> nuts.
: >> |> X-Mike
: >> I'm waiting for the Monty Python/X-Men crossover, X-Parrot
: How about the X-men fly into Los Angeles International and team up
: with the security force there?
: They could call it X-LAX.
How about the X-men teaming up with the New York Times? (X-PRESS) Or the
X-men joining the newly released Manos harem in a combination known as
X-WIVES? Or simply combine X-men with Joe Don Baker for X-CESS?
-sw- [Wondering what you would call an X-men / X-files crossover]
--
Chad Gould aka Soundwave (not Gently) |-X5/D50/DX27/1202/Juno106/TX16W-|
internet: cgo...@gate.net (ISDN #1134) |"Dirty pool old man, I like it!"|
Scanning and web author services avail. |Make Happy the Harmonica Happy!!|
http://www.webcom.com/cgould/ - MST3K,MIDI,pinball,ambient/emusic,andmore
John Crowe
cgo...@gate.net (Soundwave [Chad Gould]) wrote:
>nicklby (nic...@primenet.com) wrote:
>: sdredge <sdr...@micron.net> wrote:
>: >sade...@orchid.bvu-lads.loral.com (Steve Adelson) wrote:
>: >> In article <4quaug$f...@news-old.tiac.net>, mi...@techspk.com (Mike Balcom) writes:
>: >> |> In article <4qsdrv$kj8...@msfc.nasa.gov>, bi...@Traveller.COM says...
>: >> |> >Previously on "Twin Peaks", David Anderson wrote:
>: >> |> >>jne...@bgsuvax.bgsu.edu (jnevins) wrote:
>: >> |> >>The STAR TREK/X-MEN crossover is HAPPENING!
>: >> |> >>My first reaction: AAAAAAAAAUUUUUUGGGGHHHHHHH!! [tm Charles Schulz]
>: >> |> >X-Trek! Yeesh!
>: >> |> A deep and frightening sense of morbid curiosity compels me to seek out this
>: >> |> comic and peruse it. NOT purchase it, mind you. I may be sick but I'm not
>: >> |> nuts.
>: >> |> X-Mike
>: >> I'm waiting for the Monty Python/X-Men crossover, X-Parrot
>: > How about an X-Men/Sliders crossover.
>: How about the X-men fly into Los Angeles International and team up
>: with the security force there?
>: They could call it X-LAX.
>How about the X-men teaming up with the New York Times? (X-PRESS) Or the
>X-men joining the newly released Manos harem in a combination known as
>X-WIVES? Or simply combine X-men with Joe Don Baker for X-CESS?
how about X-Men and Stacy Keach?
X-stacy!
the X-men and Elmer Fudd eating cereal?
X-Wife!
the X-men and Ricardo Montalbahn (sp)?
X-Khan!!!! (get it? X-Khan? ex-con?? huh? huh? come on, it's FUNNY!!!)
>-sw- [Wondering what you would call an X-men / X-files crossover]
X-Fen? X-Miles? X-Fem? X-Phlegm? the UnScully X-Mulder?
Brock LaReau: okay, I'll stop...put down the eggbeater, please..
David Langdon
s.cybercom.net> <4qsdrv$kj8...@msfc.nasa.gov> <4quaug$f...@news-old.tiac.net> <1996Jun27....@bvu-lads.loral.com> <4ra59s$q...@is05.micron.net> <4race5$f...@nnrp1.news.primenet.com> <4rf14s$2f...@news.gate.net> <4rfeol$p...@dfw-ixnews7.ix.netcom.com>
Distribution:
: >-sw- [Wondering what you would call an X-men / X-files crossover]
: X-Fen? X-Miles? X-Fem? X-Phlegm? the UnScully X-Mulder?
:
:
:
: Brock LaReau: okay, I'll stop...put down the eggbeater, please..
:
:
:
Ahhh, but who'll stop me? (As opposed to "Who will stop me!", but that's
for a different TV series news group...)
What about a X-Men, X-Files, Ex-Humans crossover? Would such a
pornographic title be against the CDA, or simply INXS?
Melissa Lupton
On Mon, 1 Jul 1996, Mike Czaplinski wrote:
> bark...@ucsu.Colorado.EDU (Mike Barklage) wrote:
> > On 26 Jun 1996, srat...@runet.edu (Stephen Ratliff) wrote:
> >
> > > : I would hope that a.s.c readers *do* look for possible criticisms in the
> > > : stories posted there. Then again, half the posts on a.s.c are of the
> > > : NC-17, everybody-has-sex-in-a-big-pile variety, so I suppose there's not a
> > > : whole lot of literary criticism going on.
> > > Actually, Thats alt.startrek.creative.erotica . Right now ASC is full
> > > of Captain/First Officer romance (Kirk/Spock Janeway/Chakotay) and Troi/
> > > Worf or Riker, with a little Q thrown in for spice.
Hey! I'm gone for one lousy month and I come back to find my name
being dragged through the mud with questionable fictional characters!
God, I love this newsgroup!
Q the Scintillated-but-Still-Sigless
nicklby
Melissa Lupton <lup...@castor.usc.edu> wrote:
> God, I love this newsgroup!
You've been here before? What's your name?
>Q the Scintillated-but-Still-Sigless
(nicklby scratches his head)
Seems to me I should know you, stranger. Maybe it'll come back to me
later.
nicklby
I think I got it. You used to go to UCLA, right?
ikaros
Quoth Mike Czaplinski:
>Actually, one of the most shameful Trek-related subgenres has long
>been the 'K & S' story, which predate the 'net and date back as far as
>fan fiction itself.
>Now, it's not that I'm against the depiction of homosexual love in
>literature or film or anything. Just because it's not my cup of tea
>doesn't mean it should be 'banned'. It's just that the depiction of
>homosexual love between Kirk & Spock is completely counter to the
>nature of the characters' friendship, and to my mind anyone who would
>write stories like in earnest (as opposed to as tasteless jokes) really
>and truly needs to get a life, or at least a partner of whatever persuasion
>turns them on, if they even know, which I tend to think a few of them
>don't.
Well, I for one have absolutely *no* objections to depictions of
homosexual activity in film or literature -- and among the very last gay
sex stories I would ever allow myself to be subjected to are the K/S
stuff. The only thing even marginally worse that my damaged and unhealthy
imagination can come up with would be Wesley/Worf. Now, over on Voyager,
there's a lot of possibilities with Kim and Paris, just from the title,
"Tom Dicking Harry" ... if not believable, it at least involves reasonably
appealing characters ... :)
In any case, the idea of Kirk/Spock is one of those things that just defy
all possible explanation. I don't understand it, and I *don't* want to.
If you're gonna write slash, at least find subjects between whom it's at
least remotely possible. I'd have an easier time believing the Second
Doctor and Jamie MacCrimmon ...
ikaros, besides, what if shatner's rug fell off in the middle of the
act? ewww!
----
ika...@infinet.com Completely destroyed! -- http://www.infinet.com/~ikaros
Stop looking at me while I'm invisible!
-- me
John Nevins
In article <4rhgjd$g...@nnrp1.news.primenet.com> nic...@primenet.com writes:
>Melissa Lupton <lup...@castor.usc.edu> wrote:
>
>> God, I love this newsgroup!
>
>You've been here before? What's your name?
>
>>Q the Scintillated-but-Still-Sigless
>
>(nicklby scratches his head)
>
>Seems to me I should know you, stranger. Maybe it'll come back to me
>later.
That's the Divine Q.
*jess waves wildly to Q*
Everybody welcome her back, now!
jess, who hates his Bad Account
"I want a boyfriend and a girl for laughs...but only on Saturday, six
days to be alone..."
- Joan Armatrading
Melissa Lupton
On 4 Jul 1996, nicklby wrote:
> Melissa Lupton <lup...@castor.usc.edu> wrote:
>
> You've been here before? What's your name?
> >Q the Scintillated-but-Still-Sigless
> (nicklby scratches his head)
> Seems to me I should know you, stranger. Maybe it'll come back to me
> later.
*sigh* Ah, nicklby, nicklby, what am I gonna do with you? (stop
smiling like that) This damned amnesia...will you remember me if I give
you a cookie?
Q, who hopes this doesn't instigate another attack of the eviltunes thread
> nicklby
> I think I got it. You used to go to UCLA, right?
Something like that. Think ninjas and Juice Newton.
Melissa Lupton
On 5 Jul 1996, John Nevins wrote:
> In article <4rhgjd$g...@nnrp1.news.primenet.com> nic...@primenet.com writes:
> >
> >Seems to me I should know you, stranger. Maybe it'll come back to me
> >later.
>
> That's the Divine Q.
>
> *jess waves wildly to Q*
(Q waves wildly back)
>
> Everybody welcome her back, now!
Can't they welcome the rest of me too?
Q of the Painted Hills
jnevins
Melissa Lupton <lup...@castor.usc.edu> writes:
>On 5 Jul 1996, John Nevins wrote:
>> In article <4rhgjd$g...@nnrp1.news.primenet.com> nic...@primenet.com writes:
>> >
>> >Seems to me I should know you, stranger. Maybe it'll come back to me
>> >later.
>>
>> That's the Divine Q.
>>
>> *jess waves wildly to Q*
> (Q waves wildly back)
Didja get the package?
>> Everybody welcome her back, now!
> Can't they welcome the rest of me too?
*jess raises his eyebrows Groucho-style* That would be up to you, my
dear.
jess, finally back on the Good Account
Melissa Lupton
On 5 Jul 1996, jnevins wrote:
> Melissa Lupton <lup...@castor.usc.edu> writes:
> >On 5 Jul 1996, John Nevins wrote:
> >> In article <4rhgjd$g...@nnrp1.news.primenet.com> nic...@primenet.com writes:
> >> >Seems to me I should know you, stranger. Maybe it'll come back to me
> >> >later.
> >> That's the Divine Q.
> >> *jess waves wildly to Q*
> > (Q waves wildly back)
>
> Didja get the package?
Sure, it's right here as I'm posting and it's making this weird
ticking noise. Should I consult someone about this?
> >> Everybody welcome her back, now!
> > Can't they welcome the rest of me too?
> *jess raises his eyebrows Groucho-style* That would be up to you, my
> dear.
Q
really wanting to post that quote about parts of me being excellent but
not remembering all of it or who said it and getting annoyed at this @#*!
package that's *still* tick -
NO CARRIER
nicklby
Melissa Lupton <lup...@castor.usc.edu> wrote:
>On 4 Jul 1996, nicklby wrote:
>> Melissa Lupton <lup...@castor.usc.edu> wrote:
>>
>> You've been here before? What's your name?
>> >Q the Scintillated-but-Still-Sigless
>> (nicklby scratches his head)
>> Seems to me I should know you, stranger. Maybe it'll come back to me
>> later.
> *sigh* Ah, nicklby, nicklby, what am I gonna do with you? (stop
>smiling like that)
Sorry, but I can't help it. Because ...
A. I'm glad you're back.
B. I have an fertile imagination.
C. I just bought fresh batteries and Cool-Whip.
D. My weekend's free.
>This damned amnesia...will you remember me if I give
>you a cookie?
Amnesia? I don't remember anything about amnes ...
(the rest of nicklby's comment is drowned out by catcalls and hisses
from the spectators)
>Q, who hopes this doesn't instigate another attack of the eviltunes thread
Oh, I don't know. I think a eviltunes dustup every now and then is
good for the soul.
After all, like the song says, "We had joy, we had fun, we had seasons
in the sun ..."
>> nicklby
>> I think I got it. You used to go to UCLA, right?
> Something like that. Think ninjas and Juice Newton.
Yes, try new Kellogg's Ninjas with a healthy glass of Juice Newton. A
nutritious part of your complete breakfast.
nicklby
sigh. I'm nostalgic already.
jnevins
Melissa Lupton <lup...@castor.usc.edu> writes:
>> >> >Seems to me I should know you, stranger. Maybe it'll come back to me
>> >> >later.
>> >> That's the Divine Q.
>> >> *jess waves wildly to Q*
>> > (Q waves wildly back)
>>
>> Didja get the package?
> Sure, it's right here as I'm posting and it's making this weird
>ticking noise. Should I consult someone about this?
um....no, that must be another package, then...
>> >> Everybody welcome her back, now!
>> > Can't they welcome the rest of me too?
>> *jess raises his eyebrows Groucho-style* That would be up to you, my
>> dear.
>Q
>really wanting to post that quote about parts of me being excellent but
>not remembering all of it or who said it and getting annoyed at this @#*!
>package that's *still* tick -
>NO CARRIER
Q? Q?!?!?!?! Quick, call 911 - she's flatlining!
jess
Charles Odell
In article <barklage....@ucsu.Colorado.EDU>,
Mike Barklage <bark...@ucsu.Colorado.EDU> wrote:
>
>That's not the point. The hotel would never have allowed to check in
>using those obvious aliases, unless they were paying in cash and/or the
>hotel in question was a little seedy. (Would *you* accept a Visa card
>with the name "James T. Kirk" on it?) But I digress...
Well, there is a James T. Kirk listed in the Bergen County, NJ phone book.
However, I suspect its as likely to be some slightly nutcase fan who changed
his name as a true James T Kirk. [Accept no imitations.]
>
--
Charles Odell cod...@mail.idt.net cr...@kelvin.seas.virginia.edu
WATCH: Babylon 5 LISTEN: Beck-Odelay READ: Anything
Software Engineer, Allied Signal GCS import std.Disclaimer
"If you want to sell your soul, Ive got a toll-free number"-Stone Roses;
David Anderson
Fairly reliable sources inform me that Soundwave [Chad Gould] wrote:
>-sw- [Wondering what you would call an X-men / X-files crossover]
If you're Marvel Comics? A marketing boNANza!
If you're an X-Files fan? IMO, a freakin' NIGHTmare!
--
========*Opinions expressed here are mine and mine alone. Deal with it.*========
* David Anderson * lan...@cybercom.net * http://www.cybercom.net/~lando5 *
* "This isn't flying. It's falling...with style." *
* --Buzz Lightyear *
==========*MSTie #46861 * Sliders, Nowhere Man, Duckman & Kindred fan*==========
ikaros
Quoth Charles Odell:
>Well, there is a James T. Kirk listed in the Bergen County, NJ phone book.
>However, I suspect its as likely to be some slightly nutcase fan who changed
>his name as a true James T Kirk. [Accept no imitations.]
In Toledo, there used to be a Zaphod Beeblebrox in the phone book. It
later became Byron Beeblebrox for reasons I lack the heart to explore.
ikaros, and in nebraska there was a yellow pages listing for
'phuchurselve mahbelle', but that's self-explanatory.
----
ika...@infinet.com Completely destroyed! -- http://www.infinet.com/~ikaros
One of ik's picks: http://mirsky.com/wow/Worst.html
Melissa Lupton
On 6 Jul 1996, jnevins wrote:
> Melissa Lupton <lup...@castor.usc.edu> writes:
>
> >Q
> >really wanting to post that quote about parts of me being excellent but
> >not remembering all of it or who said it and getting annoyed at this @#*!
> >package that's *still* tick -
>
> >NO CARRIER
>
>
> Q? Q?!?!?!?! Quick, call 911 - she's flatlining!
Clear!
(thump!!)
*Q gets back up*
Wow. I just had the weirdest dream - and you were there, and Kevin
Bacon was there...(aggada aggada aggada) Say, can I borrow that
dream-peeking device?
*Q tastes the remnants of the package on her desk*
Mm. Pancakes.
Q
who is touched someone cared enough to send her a breakfast mortar in the
mail
Rob Bowell
In article <4ra3jt$t...@anarchy.io.com>, za...@io.com (Scott Johnson) wrote:
>Stephen Ratliff (srat...@runet.edu) wrote:
>: Perhaps you can't stand the fact that a young girl knows how to take
>: charge of her life (and the starship as well)
>
>rethink a few things if you want to recapture peoples' interest and respect.
I am the god of Hellfire, and I bring you:
Rob Bowell, MSTie #67753
*******************************************************************************
The Wheel of Time turns, and Ages come and pass, leaving memories that become
legend. Legend fades to myth, and myth is long forgotten when the Age that gave
it birth comes again. In one age, called the Third Age by some, an Age yet to
come, and Age long past, a wind rose in the great forest called Braem Wood. The
wind was not the beginning. There are neither beginnings nor endings to the
turning of the Wheel of Time. But it was -a- beginning.
--from "A Crown Of Swords" by Robert Jordan
*******************************************************************************
Rob Bowell
In article <4rnlif$9...@news1.infinet.com>, ika...@infinet.com (ikaros) wrote:
>Quoth Charles Odell:
>>Well, there is a James T. Kirk listed in the Bergen County, NJ phone book.
>>However, I suspect its as likely to be some slightly nutcase fan who changed
>>his name as a true James T Kirk. [Accept no imitations.]
>
>In Toledo, there used to be a Zaphod Beeblebrox in the phone book. It
>later became Byron Beeblebrox for reasons I lack the heart to explore.
>
>
>ikaros, and in nebraska there was a yellow pages listing for
>'phuchurselve mahbelle', but that's self-explanatory.
On my trip back from Paradox Lake today, we passed by a town called
Cocksackie. I swear.
John Watts
Soundwave [Chad Gould] wrote:
>
> nicklby (nic...@primenet.com) wrote:
> : sdredge <sdr...@micron.net> wrote:
> : >sade...@orchid.bvu-lads.loral.com (Steve Adelson) wrote:
> : >> In article <4quaug$f...@news-old.tiac.net>, mi...@techspk.com (Mike Balcom) writes:
> : >> |> In article <4qsdrv$kj8...@msfc.nasa.gov>, bi...@Traveller.COM says...
> : >> |> >Previously on "Twin Peaks", David Anderson wrote:
> : >> |> >>jne...@bgsuvax.bgsu.edu (jnevins) wrote:
> : >> |> >>The STAR TREK/X-MEN crossover is HAPPENING!
> : >> |> >>My first reaction: AAAAAAAAAUUUUUUGGGGHHHHHHH!! [tm Charles Schulz]
> : >> |> >X-Trek! Yeesh!
> : >> |> A deep and frightening sense of morbid curiosity compels me to seek out this
> : >> |> comic and peruse it. NOT purchase it, mind you. I may be sick but I'm not
> : >> |> nuts.
> : >> |> X-Mike
> : >> I'm waiting for the Monty Python/X-Men crossover, X-Parrot
> : > How about an X-Men/Sliders crossover.
> : How about the X-men fly into Los Angeles International and team up
> : with the security force there?
> : They could call it X-LAX.
>
> How about the X-men teaming up with the New York Times? (X-PRESS) Or the
> X-men joining the newly released Manos harem in a combination known as
> X-WIVES? Or simply combine X-men with Joe Don Baker for X-CESS?
>
>
Dos Equis?
How about an X-files, X-men, X-games crossover?
Special agent Wolverine competes nude in waterskiing (that's pronounced
"wa-ter-shee-ing") long jump in ...
the Triple X Games
John Watts
"Spank me. I'm a BAAAAAD clown!" - Crow in "Here comes the Circus!"
Mike Czaplinski
Wocka chick wock wow....
Mike "And next up: Raquel Darrian in the team pushup competition!"
Czaplinski
mike.cz...@washingtondc.ncr.com
Tim Margheim
In article <31E2A6...@dadd.ti.com>, jwa...@dadd.ti.com says...
Could someone send me all of the MSTed Ratliff "stories"? I just
downloaded his stuff from his page, and I I have one thing to say.
Bwahahahahahahaha.
****************************************************************
*Respectfully submitted, *
*Tim Margheim, mar...@iw.net *
*ATR characters: LtCmdr Torial Katuba 1 OUTPOST 687 FO/OPS *
* Ens Salong USS PEARSON NCC-14654 OPS/FCO*
* "I still don't remember having it."--Worf, about his amnesia *
* ATR Home Page: http://www.interport.net/~tomlee/atr/ *
****************************************************************
DGale
>>
>>ikaros, and in nebraska there was a yellow pages listing for
>>'phuchurselve mahbelle', but that's self-explanatory.
>
> On my trip back from Paradox Lake today, we passed by a town called
>Cocksackie. I swear.
>
Since I love a good topic drift...
There's a Bumpass in VA (or West Virgina, I don't remember) and a
Climax, NC.
Used be a telem******er, for a Satellite company, and saw lots of
weird names for towns and people.
Remind me to tell you the story about "mooty" or the one about
"B-E-T?"
----Doug "Freakwint Mispeler" Gale
dg...@oz.net
*************************************
"The Pope is the Ed Wood of theology:
everything that comes out of him is
a mixture of surrealism and cliche,
and he goes out in drag regularly."
----Robert Anton Wilson
Rob Bowell
In article <4s2pg0$r...@news.oz.net>, DG...@oz.net (DGale) wrote:
>In article <4rppuf$9...@news.monmouth.com>, rbo...@monmouth.com (Rob Bowell)
wrote:
>
>>>
>>>ikaros, and in nebraska there was a yellow pages listing for
>>>'phuchurselve mahbelle', but that's self-explanatory.
>>
>> On my trip back from Paradox Lake today, we passed by a town called
>>Cocksackie. I swear.
>>
>
> Since I love a good topic drift...
>
> There's a Bumpass in VA (or West Virgina, I don't remember) and a
>Climax, NC.
>
M Warner
Tim Marghiem was responsible for this:
> In article <31E2A6...@dadd.ti.com>, jwa...@dadd.ti.com says...
>
> Could someone send me all of the MSTed Ratliff "stories"? I just
> downloaded his stuff from his page, and I I have one thing to say.
> Bwahahahahahahaha.
Okay. Um. So... where is this page?
I'm only asking out of pure masochistic boredom. Honest.
-Michael
----
mwa...@cass.net
Blissfield, MI
"I've read confusing fiction, and lived a contradiction, and I've wondered
where on earth I've been. And I've known a love forever, a Truth I couldn't
sever, a chord that flows as free as wind." - King's X, "Life Going By"
Dan Siemens
ikaros (ika...@infinet.com) wrote:
: stuff. The only thing even marginally worse that my damaged and unhealthy
: imagination can come up with would be Wesley/Worf. Now, over on Voyager,
OH. MY. GOD.
Jon Hall
In article <4s46nn$4...@news.monmouth.com> rbo...@monmouth.com (Rob Bowell) writes:
>In article <4s2pg0$r...@news.oz.net>, DG...@oz.net (DGale) wrote:
>>In article <4rppuf$9...@news.monmouth.com>, rbo...@monmouth.com (Rob Bowell)
>wrote:
>>>>ikaros, and in nebraska there was a yellow pages listing for
>>>>'phuchurselve mahbelle', but that's self-explanatory.
>>> On my trip back from Paradox Lake today, we passed by a town called
>>>Cocksackie. I swear.
>> Since I love a good topic drift...
>> There's a Bumpass in VA (or West Virgina, I don't remember) and a
>>Climax, NC.
> Well, PA is a sexual frenzy: Intercourse, Climax, etc.
Not nearly as pants-igniting, but certainly as evocative, is Bugtussle, TX.
Jon, whose paternal gradparents live in Honey Grove.
David C. Stark
Have you heard the latest? They're building a new highway that will go
right through the middle of Intercourse, PA. The townsfolk have decided
to rename the place "Coitus Interruptus"! (ba-dum- CHING!) :)
dcs...@eaicorp.com
"The lunatics are in my head . . . . ." Pink Floyd
MSTie #68766
Tim Margheim
In article <N.071196....@cass.net>, mwa...@cass.net says...
>> Could someone send me all of the MSTed Ratliff "stories"? I just
>> downloaded his stuff from his page, and I I have one thing to say.
>> Bwahahahahahahaha.
>Okay. Um. So... where is this page?
Sorry, I can't find the URL. I've got a copy of the page cached, but it
doesn't have the URL.
>I'm only asking out of pure masochistic boredom. Honest.
You could ask Ratliff.
ikaros
Quoth Dan Siemens:
Glad to know that I've made a permanent scar on your psyche. I like to
know I've had an impact.
ikaros, except against a brick wall.
----
ika...@infinet.com Completely destroyed! -- http://www.infinet.com/~ikaros
As for the human sacrifices, well everyone knows that it can lead to dancing.
-- Mikey "Dreamy" Sphar
Mike Barklage
mar...@iw.net (Tim Margheim) writes:
>In article <31E2A6...@dadd.ti.com>, jwa...@dadd.ti.com says...
>Could someone send me all of the MSTed Ratliff "stories"? I just
>downloaded his stuff from his page, and I I have one thing to say.
>Bwahahahahahahaha.
Try my Web site. The address is the my .sig.
Mike
bark...@ucsu.colorado.edu -- MSTie #19634 -- For Ed Wood items, MSTings, and
the ST:Voyager MSTing archive, go to http://rtt.colorado.edu/~barklage/
"Ah, Mike, I see you've decided to go psycho. Godspeed." - Dr. Forrester, MST
Tim Margheim
In article <barklage....@ucsu.Colorado.EDU>,
bark...@ucsu.Colorado.EDU says...
>>Could someone send me all of the MSTed Ratliff "stories"? I just
>>downloaded his stuff from his page, and I I have one thing to say.
>>Bwahahahahahahaha.
>Try my Web site. The address is the my .sig.
Never mind. I'm getting them from the guy that posted recently saying he
had a bunch.
----------
Tim Margheim MSTie Number: 70844
"The intelligence displayed in a thread is inversely proportional to the
number of newsgroups in which it appears."