Where are they now?
di...@tacit.com
Yow!
Just back from vacation, survived the holidays, but where is
MST3k? Can't find it on Comedy Central: checked their website
(http://www.comcentral.com) and found the MST3k link removed!
I know about the new episodes coming up on Sci-Fi Channel,
but what's going on *now* ?
Faye C Schuss
di...@tacit.com wrote:
> [-]
> I know about the new episodes coming up on Sci-Fi Channel,
> but what's going on *now* ?
Much twiddling of thumbs.
I've also tried watching SciFi in hopes of catching the MST3K
commercial. I woke up to "So that's Crow's new voice, huh?"
-col "ya snooze, ya lose" di
M Sampo
>Yow!
>Just back from vacation, survived the holidays, but where is
>MST3k? Can't find it on Comedy Central: checked their website
>(http://www.comcentral.com) and found the MST3k link removed!
>but what's going on *now* ?
For the first time since 1989, MST3K is not running anywhere (except on
your VCR).
Chris "Sampo" Cornell
-----------------------------------------------------------
For complete MST3K information, turn your WWW crank to:
http://members.aol.com/mstienews/
Home of the Official MST3K FAQ
-----------------------------------------------------------
Faye C Schuss
Rick Thorne wrote:
> In article <32D697...@lmco.com>, Faye C Schuss
> <diane.p...@lmco.com> wrote:
> > -col "ya snooze, ya lose" di
> Not really. It's amazing how productive I am while you're sleeping.
That would explain a few of those late night visits from
the cops.
-col "next time clean the bathrooms instead" di
Rick Thorne
In article <32D6C9...@lmco.com>, Faye C Schuss
<diane.p...@lmco.com> wrote:
> Rick Thorne wrote:
> > In article <32D697...@lmco.com>, Faye C Schuss
> > <diane.p...@lmco.com> wrote:
>
> > > -col "ya snooze, ya lose" di
> > Not really. It's amazing how productive I am while you're sleeping.
>
> That would explain a few of those late night visits from
> the cops.
>
> -col "next time clean the bathrooms instead" di
It actually does explain a few of the late night cop visits, m'love, but
only a _few_ of them.
And, FYI, the cop visits were _all_ related to my cleaning the bathrooms
in the middle of the night. I need to use lower-yield explosives, and
make sure I have the right permits next time.
--
? Rick Thorne ? "I'm quite illiterate, ?
? software engineer by day ? but I read a lot" ?
? harried father of two by night ? J. D. Salinger ?
? thorn...@lmsc.lockheed.com ? ?
Evan Talbott
Larry MacGregor wrote:
> "Now is the winter of our discontent"
Ralph Wiggum: Oh no! Run!
--
Evan The Wonder Dog, clogging up band-width with Simpsons quotes like
there's no tomorrow
MST# 72138
Gotta find a petting zoo... There are times when a man needs the touch
of a llama. -Crow T. Robot
My website sucks, but visit just to be nice:
http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/6964/
Rick Thorne
> -col "ya snooze, ya lose" di
Not really. It's amazing how productive I am while you're sleeping.
--
Jess Nevins
Faye C Schuss wrote:
>
> Rick Thorne wrote:
> > In article <32D697...@lmco.com>, Faye C Schuss
> > <diane.p...@lmco.com> wrote:
>
> > > -col "ya snooze, ya lose" di
> > Not really. It's amazing how productive I am while you're sleeping.
>
> the cops.
Oh, so he's saying it was the "cops," eh? Hah.
Two words, Colonel: costumed Chippendales.
jess
Larry MacGregor
di...@tacit.com wrote:
: Yow!
: Just back from vacation, survived the holidays, but where is
: MST3k? Can't find it on Comedy Central: checked their website
: (http://www.comcentral.com) and found the MST3k link removed!
: I know about the new episodes coming up on Sci-Fi Channel,
: but what's going on *now* ?
Nothing. "Now is the winter of our discontent" and all that. 2/1/97 is
the day of rejoicing. In the meantime, you might want to watch some
tapes. You *do* have tapes, don't you?
Larry, godspeed
Rick Thorne
In article <32D706...@ix.netcom.com>, Jess Nevins
<jjne...@ix.netcom.com> wrote:
Hey - they were nude!! I swear it!!!
Jess Nevins
Rick Thorne wrote:
>
> In article <32D706...@ix.netcom.com>, Jess Nevins
> <jjne...@ix.netcom.com> wrote:
>
> > Faye C Schuss wrote:
> > >
> > > Rick Thorne wrote:
> > > > In article <32D697...@lmco.com>, Faye C Schuss
> > > > <diane.p...@lmco.com> wrote:
> > >
> > > > > -col "ya snooze, ya lose" di
> > > > Not really. It's amazing how productive I am while you're sleeping.
> > >
> > > That would explain a few of those late night visits from
> > > the cops.
> >
> > Oh, so he's saying it was the "cops," eh? Hah.
> >
> > Two words, Colonel: costumed Chippendales.
>
> Hey - they were nude!! I swear it!!!
You mean those _weren't_ cucumbers?
jess
Faye C Schuss
Jess Nevins wrote:
> Faye C Schuss wrote:
> > Rick Thorne wrote:
> > > In article <32D697...@lmco.com>, Faye C Schuss
> > > <diane.p...@lmco.com> wrote:
> > > > -col "ya snooze, ya lose" di
> > > Not really. It's amazing how productive I am while you're sleeping.
> > That would explain a few of those late night visits from
> > the cops.
> Oh, so he's saying it was the "cops," eh? Hah.
> Two words, Colonel: costumed Chippendales.
No, no, couldn't have been, it wasn't my birthday, it was his.
Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey!
-col "my man's got the blues" di
Jess Nevins
Um...I just got a letter from Rick...and I'd like to say that
I now deny that any of this happened.
Really.
jess - may the bear trap be removed from my genitalia now?
Rick Thorne
In article <32D830...@ix.netcom.com>, Jess Nevins
<jjne...@ix.netcom.com> wrote:
> Rick Thorne wrote:
> >
> > In article <32D706...@ix.netcom.com>, Jess Nevins
> > <jjne...@ix.netcom.com> wrote:
> >
> > > Faye C Schuss wrote:
> > > >
> > > > Rick Thorne wrote:
> > > > > In article <32D697...@lmco.com>, Faye C Schuss
> > > > > <diane.p...@lmco.com> wrote:
> > > >
> > > > > > -col "ya snooze, ya lose" di
> > > > > Not really. It's amazing how productive I am while you're sleeping.
> > > >
> > > > That would explain a few of those late night visits from
> > > > the cops.
> > >
> > > Oh, so he's saying it was the "cops," eh? Hah.
> > >
> > > Two words, Colonel: costumed Chippendales.
> >
> > Hey - they were nude!! I swear it!!!
>
> You mean those _weren't_ cucumbers?
Nope - and that was ranch dressing, in case yer wondering.
Jess Nevins
Rick Thorne wrote:
>
> In article <32D830...@ix.netcom.com>, Jess Nevins
> <jjne...@ix.netcom.com> wrote:
>
> > Rick Thorne wrote:
> > >
> > > In article <32D706...@ix.netcom.com>, Jess Nevins
> > > <jjne...@ix.netcom.com> wrote:
> > >
> > > > Faye C Schuss wrote:
> > > > >
> > > > > Rick Thorne wrote:
> > > > > > In article <32D697...@lmco.com>, Faye C Schuss
> > > > > > <diane.p...@lmco.com> wrote:
> > > > >
> > > > > > > -col "ya snooze, ya lose" di
> > > > > > Not really. It's amazing how productive I am while you're sleeping.
> > > > >
> > > > > That would explain a few of those late night visits from
> > > > > the cops.
> > > >
> > > > Oh, so he's saying it was the "cops," eh? Hah.
> > > >
> > > > Two words, Colonel: costumed Chippendales.
> > >
> > > Hey - they were nude!! I swear it!!!
> >
> > You mean those _weren't_ cucumbers?
>
> Nope - and that was ranch dressing, in case yer wondering.
Are you sure?
jess
chana...@aol.com
In article <32DB02...@ix.netcom.com>, Jess Nevins
<jjne...@ix.netcom.com> writes:
>Um...I just got a letter from Rick...and I'd like to say that
>I now deny that any of this happened.
>
>Really.
>
>jess - may the bear trap be removed from my genitalia now?
^^^^^^^^^
Oooh my!
Jungle Goddess
MSTie #54796
"Children's windows of perception are open for only a second only to take
in the horror that is the circus." -- Tom Servo
Rick Thorne
In article <32DC3D...@ix.netcom.com>, Jess Nevins
<jjne...@ix.netcom.com> wrote:
Well, that's what it tasted like.
<hushed silence, surprized stares>
Oh, no, what a tangled web I've woven now.
Noah Singman
Jungle Goddess wrote:
> Jess wrote:
> >jess - may the bear trap be removed from my genitalia now?
> ^^^^^^^^^
> Oooh my!
I'm most impressed by the fact that the bear trap hasn't already REMOVED
your genitalia. What the hell are you made of, Jess?
Noah
MST#59539
This is so great - I'm relatively normal here!
Jess Nevins
Rick Thorne wrote:
>
> In article <32DC3D...@ix.netcom.com>, Jess Nevins
> <jjne...@ix.netcom.com> wrote:
>
> > Rick Thorne wrote:
> > >
> > > In article <32D830...@ix.netcom.com>, Jess Nevins
> > > <jjne...@ix.netcom.com> wrote:
> > >
> > > > You mean those _weren't_ cucumbers?
> > >
> > > Nope - and that was ranch dressing, in case yer wondering.
> >
> > Are you sure?
>
> Well, that's what it tasted like.
>
> <hushed silence, surprized stares>
>
> Oh, no, what a tangled web I've woven now.
Not nearly so sticky as the web you put those Chippendales in.....
jess
Omega
...guitar twang, la-la-la's, door sequence, and...
Crow: OK, the streamers would be right here over the main door, and we'd
all be wearing hats...
Tom: Yes, and the pinata would be hanging right here, too!
Mike: Oh, hi everybody, and welcome to the Satellite of Love. I'm Mike
Nelson, and today's my birthday!!!
Crow: Yeah, and we're throwing him a party! Only, well, Frank forgot to
send all the party stuff--
Tom: So we're having Mike imagine what it would be like if the room was
decorated in grand style. What do you think, Mike?
Mike: Well, it sounds really great. I really appreciate your efforts to
cheer me up and all, but...it's no use, guys. I'm still stuck up here on
the Satellite, and I'm still being forced to watch cheesy movies and read
cheesy fanfics, and to make things worse, despite the fact that today's
my birthday, today's also one of the days that Doctor Forrester sends up
fanfics, and I'll have to sit through one no matter what.
Tom: Nice exposition, Mike.
[A yellow light begins to flash on the console.]
Mike: Thanks, I've been practicing. Oh, we've got commercial sign.
[Presses button.]
[A family of plastic people with Duracell batteries mounted in their
backs are out at a posh restaurant. The man at the next table doesn't
have a Duracell battery, and the family is openly mocking him. Finally,
he's had enough. He spins around, grabs the father's battery, and rips it
from his back. The father collapses into his fettucini, and they fade to
black with the mother's insensate screams.]
[Fade back to SOL. Mike is leaning forwards, head in hands, and the bots
are standing on either side of him.]
Crow: Don't worry, Mike, it's not so bad. I mean, at least you've already
finished your Invention Exchange for this week, right?
Tom: Right?
[A red light flashes on the console. Mike hits it without even looking up.]
[Cut to Deep 13. Doctor Forrester is wearing a party hat, as is TV's
Frank, and both are sipping punch from paper cups. Behind them, Jack
Perkins is swatting inefectually at a pinata in the shape of Dr. Forrester.]
Dr. F: Ah, hello, Zippy the Pinhead...trying to have a party without me,
eh? Well, I know how to nip that in the bud...heh heh heh...as you can
see, we're using the party favors you wanted to have Frank send to you. I
trust you've learned your lesson, Mister Nelson...now, let's swing on
into the Invention Exchange. Your turn first...
[SOL Bridge. Mike is down behind the console, and occasionally he tosses
up some bizzare bit of junk or other.]
Mike: Um, hold on...I, um--aha! [He stands up, holding a small black
plastic device.] It's something I threw together a while back...I call it
the Remote Finder. See, you attach it to the back of a remote control,
and if you ever lose the remote, you just clap-- [he sets the device on
the console, and claps. The remote makes a beeping noise.] and the remote
tells you where it is!
[Deep 13. Dr. Forrester is glaring at Mike with a menacing expression on
his face, but it quickly softens into an insincere smile.] Not bad,
Nelson Muntz. Well, my Invention Exchange this week capitalizes on
people's inherent need for crappy novelty items. [He snaps his fingers.]
Frank? Exposition needed, here.
[Frank drops his stick, thwacking Jack Perkins over the head. He walks
over to stand next to Doctor Forrester.] Well, Mike, as you're probably
well aware, two of the most popular lighting devices in the 70's were the
strobe light and the lava lamp. People would spend hours staring vacantly
at the flowing ooze, letting mind-altering substances course through
their bloodstream, and listening to sitar music. I, myself, was once a--
Dr. F: Thank you, Frank. Yes, the lava lamp and the strobe light are
popular individually...so just imagine how popular they'd be when
combined! [He lifts up a lava lamp with an oversized, boxy base and sets
it on the console. Sure enough, the little light bulb on the bottom is a
strobe light, whose pulses cause the globs of 'lava' to ooze in slow
motion.] Ta-da! The Strava Light!
[Frank stares at the 'lava', his eyes vague and disjointed.] The
walls...they're really wall-ruses! And they've got giant frogs in their hair!
[Dr. F looks over at Frank, then back over to the camera.] Right...well,
I was feeling nice today, since it is your birthday, after all, so...
[SOL Bridge. Mike is looking up, an expression of hope on his face.]
Mike: You're not going to send me a fanfic today?
[Deep 13]
Dr. F: Don't be silly, ragweed! Your fanfic today is a 'Make Money Quick'
post I downloaded off the Internet. You'll be through it by lunchtime,
and then...well...you can mumble mumble mumble.
[SOL]
Mike: Didn't quite catch that, sir?
[Deep 13]
Dr. F: I said, you can...take the rest of the day off. *sigh* Send him
the fanfic, Frank.
Frank: The button, man...it's out to get me. It's watching me, all the
time it's watching me, keep it away, keep it away!!!!! [Frank grabs the
pinata stick away from Jack Perkins, and starts to bash the console
savagely. One of the whacks happens to hit the button...]
[SOL Bridge]
Mike: We got FANFIC SIGN!!!!!!
[All enter theater amidst much hullaballoo...]
Mike: Well, here we go again, guys...
> Date: Sun, 1 Dec 1996 16:10:54 GMT
> From: sim...@dove.kharkov.ua
Tom: From simple. Yes, I think that really does say it all, doesn't it?
> Newsgroups: alt.comics.dilbert, alt.comics.elfquest,
> alt.comics.fan-fiction, alt.comics.jack-chick
> Subject: Can you get a lot of money?!! YES!!!
Mike: Sell all those old comics. Get a damn job and stop sponging money
off of me, you stupid kids!
> IF YOU READ ANYTHING AT ALL THIS YEAR, READ THIS!
Tom: If you don't read anything at all this year, then how do you know
I'm saying this?
> I've been perusing usenet for a few months now
Crow: Is that legal?
> and I've seen these ads appear very often. I didn't think these
> things would work either but
Tom: That was before the lobotomy.
> I was in need of some Money
Crow: What's the difference between money and Money?
> and decided why not give it a try, and I'll be damned if
> it didn't work, and work well
Mike: Yes, I made deals with Satan, and you can too!
> ....just read this and see what you think....
Crow: Or if you think.
> then give it a try....
>
> IF YOU'RE NOT A DREAMER, HANG UP NOW!! IF YOU'VE GOT WHAT
> IT TAKES, PLEASE READ ON.
Tom: I don't think I have what it takes.
Crow: Oh, come on...general lack of ethics, mathematical ineptitude,
complete and fundamental lack of understanding of human nature...I think
you've got exactly what it takes!
Mike: Guys...we've got to hang together here.
> BELOW IS THE ARTICLE I RESPONDED TO WITH ONLY THE
> NECESSARY CHANGES IN THE MAILING LIST!
Crow: I stuck all my friends' names in place of the losers that were on
there!
> Anyway, it said you send $1.00 to each of the five names
> and addresses stated in the article. You then place your own
> name and address in the article at the bottom of the list at
> #5 and post the article in at least 200 newsgroups (there are
> thousands). No catch, that was it!
Tom: Five bucks out of your pocket, never to be seen again!
> THIS IS THE FAIREST MOST HONEST WAY I KNOW TO SHARE
> THE WEALTH!
Crow: You could try having trained dogs bury the dollar bills all over town.
Tom: Or scotch-tape them to a Coke bottle and drop it into the ocean.
Mike: Or just get a job.
> Hello!
Mike: Great. Mister Rogers, con artist.
> Would you like to make thousands of dollars, quick, legally,
> with no CATCH?
Mike: But how would I keep my jumpsuit zipped?
> Then keep reading.....please take five minutes to read this
> article and it will change your life, just like it did mine. It's
> true!
Mike: I'm in jail now for postal fraud, and you can join me!
> You can make up to or over $50.000 dollars in four to six
> weeks, maybe sooner! I SWEAR I'M NOT LYING TO YOU AND
> THIS IS NOT A SCAM!
Tom: Of course you do. I mean, it's not like you're really going to come
right out and say, "I'M LYING TO YOU AND THIS IS A SCAM!"
> If you're interested, keep reading, if you're not, have a
> nice day.
Crow: Alright, let's go!
> I was browsing around the newsgroups one day and I stumbled
> across this article.
Tom: And I have the scars to prove it.
> Since it had to do with making money, which I never pass on,
> I decided to give it a try and this is what it said: here we go.
Mike: OK, so how did that help him make money?
Tom: Nothing; he's just showing off his Pavlovian response of pure,
unmitigated greed to anything that promises cash with no work.
Crow: So he's demonstrating to us that he's an idiot?
Tom: Yep, pretty much.
> A while back I was browsing through these news groups,
> just like you are now
Crow: Subject to the whims of a mad scientist?
Tom: It must be...Joel!
Mike: Guys...Joel's not this dumb.
Crow: Oh, yeah.
Tom: I knew that.
> and came across an article that said you could make
> thousands of dollars in weeks with only an initial investment
> of $5.00! So, I thought, "Yeah, right, must be a scam", but I
> was curious and kept on reading.
>
> Anyway, it said you send $1.00 to each of the five names
> and addresses stated in the article. You then place your own
> name and address in the article at the bottom of the list at
> #5 and post the article in at least 200 newsgroups (there are
> thousands). No catch, that was it! So, after thinking it over
> and talking to a few people first, I tried it. I figured what
> did I have to lose except for five stamps and five dollars,
> right?
Crow: Years of freedom...
Mike: IRS audits...
Tom: Respect and human dignity...
> (HOW MANY TIMES A MONTH DO YOU BLOW FIVE BUCKS WITH
> NOTHING TO SHOW FOR IT ANYWAY?)
>
> Well, guess what? within 7 days, I started getting money!
Crow: Within 8 days, I started getting subopenas!
> I was shocked!
Tom: Clear! (makes sizzling noises)
> I still figured it would end soon and didn't give it another
> thought. But the money kept coming IN, tripling in size and
> multiplying by 10 - 20 times the amount I got the first week!
Tom: So you've got a dollar bill that doubles as a sleeping bag, then?
> In my first week, I made about 30 dollars. But by the end of
> the second week, I had made a total of over $1,000!!! In the
> third week, I had over $6,000 and it's still growing. To the
> and of my fourth week I've mad about $23,000 TOTAL and the
> money is still coming in!!
>
> Not only does it work for me, it works for other folks as
> well. Markus Valppu says he made $57,883 in four weeks.
Mike: Of course, he also claims that he can fly, and that Bill Clinton is
the reincarnation of the Roman Emperor Caligula...
> Dave Manning claims he made $53,664 in the same amount of
> time.
Tom: He's very bitter about the whole "I'm second to Markus Valppu" thing.
> Dan Shepstone says it was only $17,000 for him.
Crow: Not nearly as much as the take from that jewelry heist.
> Do I know these folks? No, but when I read how they say they
> did it, it made sense to me.
Tom: It helped that the first part of the instructions read, "Whack
yourself repeatedly with a two-by-four until you forget all the gaping
logical flaws in the plan."
> Enough sense that I'm taking a similar chance with $5 of my
> own bucks. Not a big chance, I admit
Crow: Postal fraud and income tax evasion are little things.
> --but one with incredible potential, because $5 is all anyone
> ever invests in this system. Period.
Tom: And if they're lucky, they might even get that much back out.
Mike: Don't get your hopes up, Tom.
> That's all Markus, Dave, or Dan invested, yet their $5 netted
> them tens of thousands of dollars each, in a safe, legal,
> completely legitimate way.
>
> Let me tell you how this works and more importantly, WHY it
> works,
Crow: The gullibility of others?
Tom: The unscrupulousness of those who post this?
Mike: The inability of the Post Office to track all of these idiotic
chain letters?
> also make sure you print a copy of this article NOW so that
> you can get the information from it and begin making money.
> THE PROCESS IS VERY SIMPLE. IT CONSISTS OF THREE EASY
> STEPS!!
>
> STEP 1
Tom: Put your right foot in.
> Get five separate pieces of paper and write the following on
> each sheet of paper "PLEASE ADD ME ON YOUR MAILING LIST".It
> is also a good idea to put the number of the person who you
> got the article from
Crow: I am not a number! I am a free man!
> and also to put your name and address on the paper, not just
> on the envelope. Get five $1.00 bills and place ONE inside
> each piece of paper that you wrote on. Fold the money inside
> the paper so that nosy people cannot see it.
Mike: Yeah, like those nosy postal employees who might wonder why you're
sending all these one-dollar bills all over the place.
> Put one paper inside each envelope and seal it up. Now, mail
> the five envelopes with the five dollars to the following five
> addresses:
>
> 1 Andery Fyodorov
> 1155 Warburton Ave.
> Apt. 3V, Yonkers, NY 10701, USA
>
> 2 Anthony James
> 1002 Palmer Dr. Apt C-16
> Murfreesboro TN, 37130, USA
>
> 3 Sergey Vasilenko
> P.O. Box 125
> 142432, Moskow Region, Chernogolovka
> Russia
>
> 4 Baeva Yuilia
> Belana St. 19-56
> 654005 Novokuznesk
> Russia
>
> 5 Bondarenko Sergey
> Apt. 104, 44-A,
> Astronomycheskaya str.,
> Kharkov-85, Ukraine
> 310085
Crow: I'm guessing this would be a bad time to put up the Information
Club address, right?
> STEP 2
Tom: Take your right foot out.
> Take the #1 name off the list that you see above and move
> the other four names up (5 becoming 4, 4 becoming 3, etc.)
> and put YOUR NAME at number 5.
Mike: OK, so how many idiots do you think actually put in "YOUR NAME"
instead of their name?
> Make sure that you put your correct mailing address,
> especially if you're from another country as some people have
> never sent mail out of the country and might not know how.
Crow: In fact, people who respond to this sort of thing might have
trouble figuring out which side of the stamp to lick.
> You may alter this article if necessary, editing what you need
> to edit.
Tom: Well, that's pretty much what we're doing, huh, guys?
> STEP 3
Tom: Put your right foot in, and then shake it all about.
> Post your amended article to at least 200 newsgroups (I
> think there are close to 18,000 of them. How you post your
> article depends on what newsreader you are using so you
> might need to ask around for assistance.
Crow: Feel free to tell them what you plan to send!
Mike: Yeah, they'll teach you how to accidentally reformat your hard drive.
> Anyway, that's it! That's the three steps you need to make
> lots of money in a short period of time.
Tom: Geologically speaking, of course.
> You are now in the mail order business and should start
> receiving you envelopes pretty soon.
Crow: It's actually a better way of getting into the licence-plate making
business.
> REMEMBER, THE MORE NEWSGROUPS YOU POST TO, THE MORE
> MONEY YOU WILL MAKE.
>
> LET ME TELL YOU WHY THIS SYSTEM WORKS!
> Out of every 200 postings, let's say I only receive 5 replies,
> which is actually VERY LOW. So I made five dollars with my
> name at #5.
> Now then, each person who sent me $1 makes only 200
> postings, now with your name at number 4,
Tom: But why would they be stupid enough to send you a dollar? Why not
simply alter the post and put it up themselves...in fact, they could
delete all your names, and put in the names of their friends and family!
They could--
Mike: You're putting too much thought into it, Tom.
> WHICH IS A TOTAL OF 1000 POSTINGS, not including yours
> too. 50 people send you $1 now, that's $50.00 you just made.
> Now then, your new 50 agents post 200 each with your name
> at #3 or 10,000 postings (50x200). Average return is 500 at
> $1 = $500.00. They make 200 postings, which is 5,000
> returns at $1 = $5,000.00. Finally 5000 people make 200
> postings with you name at number one. YOU GET A RETURN OF
> $50,000.00 BEFORE YOUR NAME DROPS OFF THE LIST. AND
> THAT'S IF EVERYONE MAKES 200 POSTINGS ONLY AND ONLY
> FIVE PEOPLE RESPOND!!!!!!!!!!
Crow: And that's if anyone bothers sending you money!
> From time to time when you see your name is no longer on the
> list, you take the latest posting you can find and start all
> over again.
Mike: So where do they think all this money comes from? The Cash Fairy?
> The end result depends on you. You must follow through and
> repost this article everywhere you can think of.
Tom: Inside of trash cans, down disused mining shafts, at firing ranges...
> The more postings you make, the more cash ends up in your
> mailbox. It's too easy and too cheap to pass up!!!
>
> So thats it. Pretty simple sounding stuff, huh?
Tom: Simple...yes, that's exactly the word I was looking for.
> But believe me, it works. There are millions of people surfing
> the net every day, all day, all over the world. And about
> 50,000 new people get on the net every day. You know that,
> you've seen the stories in the paper.
Mike: You haven't read them, mind you. That's a bit beyond your
comprehension level. But you've seen them.
> So, my friend, read and follow the simple instructions and
> play fair. Thats the key, and thats all there is to it. Print this
> out right now so you can refer back to this article easily. Try
> to keep an eye on all the postings you made to make sure
> everyone is playing fairly. You know where your name should
> be.
Tom: Wallowing in shame.
> If you're really not sure or still think this can't be for real,
> then don't do it. But please print this article and pass it along
> to someone you know who really needs the bucks, and see
> what happens.
Crow: They deny ever knowing you again?
> REMEMBER....HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY.YOU DON'T
> NEED TO CHEAT THE BASIC IDEA TO MAKE THE BUCKS!
Crow: But what if the basic idea is a cheat?
> GOOD LUCK TO ALL, AND PLEASE PLAY FAIR AND YOU WILL
> WIN AND MAKE SOME REAL INSTANT FREE CASH!
>
> *** By the way, if you try to deceive people by posting the
> messages with your name in the list and not sending the
> bucks to the people already included, you will not get much. I
> know someone who did this and only got about $50 (and that's
> after two months).
Tom: So wait...if you cheat the system, don't play fair, and don't send
anyone else money, you still get a good $50 for every time you send the
message? Boy...you sure know how to keep 'em honest, dontcha?
> Then he sent the 5 bills, people added him to their lists, and
> in 4-5 weeks he had over $10,000!
>
> THIS WILL WORK, THE ONLY THING TO REMEMBER IS TO PLAY
> FAIR, THE SYSTEM KNOWS IF YOU'RE TRYING TO CHEAT IT AND
> YOUR RETURNS WON'T BE AS GOOD.
Tom: The System knows all.
Crow: Obey the System.
> PLAY FAIR, PLAY NICE AND EVERYONE MAKES A LOT OF
> MONEY!!!!!!!!
Mike: Well, that was...really not that bad, actually! Hey, I feel pretty
good here!
Crow: Yeah, let's go!
[They leave the theater. Door sequence plays in reverse, and...]
[SOL Bridge. Mike and the bots are wearing sunglasses and swimsuits, and
using a desk lamp to give themselves impromptu tans.]
Tom: Yep...guess you could say we've trashed the tape today, guys.
Crow: Absolutely. We...are the epitome of cool, calm and collected.
Mike: Sounds right to me. Pass the suntan lotion?
Tom: Oh--one second, the Mads are calling.
[Mike leans over and presses the button.]
[Deep 13. Frank is lying on the floor, twitching, while Dr. Forrester
prepares a huge needle for an injection, a la 'Pulp Fiction'. In the
foreground, Jack Perkins is standing in front of the camera with an
amiable smile on his face.]
Jack: Ah, birthdays. Memories made for the rest of a lifetime, and
touched by the pure, childlike wonder of aging another year to inevitable
death. I remember when I was celebrating my birthday. Dick Cavett said--
Dr. F: Get to the point, Perkins.
Jack: Ah, yes. Of course, one of the most wonderful traditions of
celebrations like these are, of course, birthday presents. Of course,
Doctor Forrester isn't really the best at sentiment--a man of few words,
that's our Doctor. He wanted me to present you with a little
testimonial...a gift, if you will, to commemorate the hour of your URKH!!!
[Perkins keels over onto the console, a hypodermic needle sticking out of
his back. Dr. F is standing over him.]
Dr. F: Yes, Mike, it's on its way up through the Umbilicus, and I...well,
I hope you'll like it.
[SOL Bridge. A big box is now sitting on the console, and Mike is
hurriedly opening it.]
Crow: What could it be? What could it be?
Tom: A wonderful, magical, super-terrific bunch of yummy RAM chips?
Gypsy: Richard Basehart?
[Mike finally gets the box open, and pulls out...the Strava Light.]
Mike (dully): Thank you, sir.
[Deep 13]
Dr. F: No problemo, Mikerino. [Looks over at Frank, and then at Jack
Perkins.] Mmm...anyone know a good lawyer? [He pushes Jacks body off the
console, and it hits the button.]
PWOOSH!
Mike, Crow, Tom Servo, Gypsy, Doctor Forrester, TV's Frank, the
Satellite of Love, Deep 13, and all associated concepts are property of
Best Brains, Incorporated. Jack Perkins is property of Jack Perkins. All
riffs, gags, skits, and host segments for this story were written by John
"Omega" Seavey. I don't actually know who wrote the original 'Make Money
Fast' post I MiSTed here, but I mean every bit of mean-spirited contempt
that I put into this post. Oh, and any similarities between this 'Make
Money Fast' MiSTing and all the other 'Make Money Fast' MiSTings that are
out there are due purely to great minds thinking alike. Filmed in
Shadowramma, thanks to the First Amendment, the Teachers of America
(especially my dad), keep circulating the tapes.
> I was browsing around the newsgroups one day and I stumbled
> across this article.
> Since it had to do with making money, which I never pass on,
> I decided to give it a try and this is what it said: here we go.