[Msted] Timesync
Charles Ray
In the 25th century.
There was a guy named Picard,
Not too different from you or me.
He worked on the starship Enterprise
Just a....
Kenneth B.: Cut, cut, cut. What is this?? That's not the right song!
Flackey: We can't use the other one.
Kenneth B.: What do you mean we can't use it? Why the bloody hell not?
Flackey: Well it seems it's copyrighted so we had to change the
lyrics to get it past the lawyers.
Kenneth B.: And this was the best they could come up with. Oh forget
it then let's just go straight to the door sequence. Action.
[......1......2......3.....4.....5......6......]
[Interior of the SOL. There is a Nerf(tm) basket hanging above the door
to the theater and Tom and Crow are playing a game of one-on-one. Crow
has the ball and is facing Tom and the basket. Gypsy is standing to the
side wearing a referee's shirt.]
Mike: Hi, I'm Mike Nelson and welcome to the Satellite of Love. We've
got the intergalactic championships going on here today and my
two bot buds Tom Servo and Crow are playing in the semi-finals.
The score is tied right now and the next basket wins the game.
Crow: I'm taking you to the hoop, Servo, and there's nothing you can do
to stop me.
Tom: I have a feeling you're going to be eating some Nerf(tm) here in a
second, Goldie.
Mike: Whoa, feelings are running a little hot here, but we've got a great
referee in Gypsy and I'm sure she'll keep things in line.
Gypsy: No autopsy, no foul.
[Crow drives to the basket, Tom cuts him off, there's a collision, both bots
go down and Tom's head flies into the air and through the hoop.]
Crow: [jumps up] I win!!
Tom: [jumps up - headless] I win!!
Crow: It was my ball!
Tom: It was my head!
[commercial light begins flashing]
Mike: We'll be right back.
[Typical yuppie bar. Several people are sitting at the bar and watching
tv. One of them is changing the channels.]
Man 1: "Night of the Living Dead" all right! I love this movie.
Woman 1: Turn it back to channel 6 so we can watch "Wacko in Waco: The
David Koresh Story".
Man 1: "Night of the Living Dead".
Woman 1: "Wacko in Waco".
Man 2: Let's watch both. [hits tv with beer bottle]
tv: ThE MaStEr WoUlD NoT ApPrOvE!
Announcer: Can your beer do this?
[Back on the SOL]
Tom: [with head] Disqualified?!! For What?!
Gypsy: For throwing equipment onto the court.
Tom: That wasn't equipment - it was my *head*!
Gypsy: So you admit throwing it onto the court. Case closed.
Tom: But...
Crow: Admit it, Servo, I'm the better player.
Tom: Not a chance, pinbeak! I could take you with one hand tied behind
my back. Well, if either of my hands could reach behind my back.
Crow: Bite me! I won fair and square.
Tom: Oh yeah? I got your square right here, pal.
[Tom and Crow begin scuffling. Mike steps up and separates them.]
Mike: Cool off, you two. This is supposed to be basketball not hockey.
[Mads' light begins flashing]
Mike: Uh-oh, Hayes and Curry are calling. [presses button]
[Deep 13. Dr. Forrestor is standing in front of the camera and Frank is in
the background. Frank has a large analog clock imbedded in his chest.]
Dr. F: It does my heart proud to see such dissension among the ranks.
I only wish it could have been due to something I had done. Oh
well, maybe next time. Anyway, boobies, on with the invention
exchange. This week I've connected a clock to Frank's heart
that shows how much time is being drained from his life by
stress. The more stress he undergoes, the faster the clock
ticks to demonstrate how stress shortens his lifespan. The
beauty of this is that seeing the clock tick faster causes even
more stress which increases the speed of the clock even more.
Soon the wearer's life expires as the result of a vicious
circle of stress. Hahahahahahhahaha!!
[SOL. Everyone is staring at the camera with stunned expressions.]
Mike: I don't know. Even for you, this one seems too much.
[Deep 13. Dr. F is wiping tears of laughter from his eyes.]
Dr. F: Oh, what do you know about mad scientist work anyway. Let's see
how Frank is doing. Oh Frank, did you hear that the hole in the
ozone increased by 10% last year?
[Frank stands there slack-jawed and still. The clock is not running.]
Dr. F: Frank?
[Dr. F walks up to Frank]
Dr. F: Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped! [evil laughter]
Oh, sometimes I kill me... and sometimes I kill Frank!!
[more evil laughter]
[SOL. Everyone is still staring at the camera with stunned expressions.]
[Deep 13. Dr. F has the face of the clock open revealing the
internal mechanisms of the clock.]
Dr. F: Oh all right, everyone is so uptight these days. Frank isn't
really dead I just removed the batteries from his clock.
[replaces batteries] There.
Frank: Does anybody really know what time it is? Does anybody really care?
Dr. F: Oh shut up, Frank.
[SOL. Mike is lying in bed. There is a clock on the headboard.]
Mike: Honk-shoo. Honk-shoo.
Crow: [whispering] Our invention today is for people who are always
late in the morning because they repeatedly hit their snooze alarm.
Tom: [whispering] We've secretly replaced this man's regular alarm
clock with our new Shuteye-No-More alarm clock. It's coated
with our revolutionary new Roseanne 7000 (patent pending) causing
it to be repellent to human DNA.
Crow: [whispering] Let's wait for the alarm to go off and watch what happens.
[Alarm begins ringing. Mike reaches for the clock and it jumps away. He
reaches again and the clock moves again. He repeats this process several
more times until he finally reaches under his pillow, pulls out a hammer,
and smashes the clock.]
Tom: Well, there's still a few bugs to be worked out.
Mike: What do you think, mad-overlords?
[Deep 13]
Dr. F: I think that's one of the dumbest things you've ever come up with.
On the other hand it's not as dumb as the fanfic you're about to
experience. Tell them about it, Frank.
Frank: It's a Star Trek: The Next Generation fanfic and it's got
everything one looks for in a Star Trek episode - Deanna in
revealing outfits, Picard doing voice overs, Riker being a Riker.
It's got it all.
Dr. F: Well not everything, Frank. There's no disposable crew members in it.
Frank: This is true. It does, however, have a sappy ending that attempts
to present a moral. In this case our antagonist learns too late
that Man is a feeling creature.
Dr. F: Shut up and send them the fanfic, Frank.
Frank: Okay. [Frank pushes the button.]
[SOL. Light begins flashing]
All: We've got fanfic sign!!!!!
[......6......5.......4......3.....2.....1.....]
>Subject: STORY: "Timesync"
>
>Copyright Scott Hume 1992
Tom: Could outconsume Schopenhauer and Schlegel.
>
>In Counselor Troi's cabin, we see her sleeping as the camera dollies around
>her bed.
Mike: [Troi] Worf, put down that camera. I told you no pictures!
>We shift our point of view to the Bridge where Data and a small
>complement of Bridge crew work. Suddenly a 'shudder' happens,
Crow: That must have been when they figured out they were in a bad fanfic.
>causing the sensors to start 'going off.' We cut to Troi's cabin, and she
>wakes with a start bolt up-right in bed.
Crow: I know we're not supposed to do grammar flames, but I need some
clarification on what this sentence is supposed to mean.
Mike: I guess that would be okay - what's your question?
Crow: Is start a modifier or an adjective in this sentence? Did she have a
start-bolt or a bolt that was start in bed with her?
Mike: Well...
Tom: And who was up-right in the bed; Deanna or the bolt?
Mike: I think...
Crow: Or was there a Start in her bed with it's bolt up-right?
Tom: I thought Worf was a Klingon.
Mike: Okay, that's far enough.
>
>On the Bridge, Data orders...
>
>DATA: Mr. Tomkins, please deactivate alarm audio.
Tom: MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP!!
>Lt. Selagua, what is the cause of the sensor alarm.
Mike: A 'shudder', Commander.
>
>SELAGUA: Whatever 'hit' the ship, Mr. Data, registers as a seismic shock
>wave affecting the 'fabric' of space.
>
>Doors to the Turbolift open and Picard in his sleeping attire emerges.
Crow: Woohoo! Lookin' good, mon capitan.
>
>PICARD: Report, Mr. Data.
>
Tom: [Data] A 'shock' wave affecting the 'fabric' of space 'hit' the
ship, 'Captain'.
>DATA: A shock wave of undetermined origin registering 7.1 on the Richter
>Scale came in contact with the ship, Captain.
>
>PICARD: Lt., ask Sick Bay for casualty reports-
Mike: [Picard] And ask Guinon for a gin and tonic.
>
>Turbolift doors open and Troi enters the Bridge wearing a long robe.
>
>PICARD: Counselor - I appreciate your concern for the situation,
Crow: As well as your attire, grrrrrrrrr.
>but your presence is not needed...as of yet.
>
>TROI: There is an intruder aboard the Enterprise, Captain, and what we
>experienced is the physical shock of his arrival. I sense we could be in
>grave danger!
>
>Music rises to climax,
Tom: Wocka-chicka, wocka-chicka...
>fade to black, and begin opening credits.
Mike: Syndication - the final frontier.
>After we come back from commercials...
>
>We see a man looking confused
Crow: Must have been a Zima commercial.
>who stumbles along a corridor. Two security
>guards see him, pull weapons, and command: "Stay where you are...hands at
>your sides." "I won't put up any fight."
Tom: You mean you wish to surrender to me? Very well, I accept.
>
>We cut to a view of the man behind the electronic field door of the Brig.
>
>Picard, Riker, Troi and Crusher are outside the door looking in.
Mike: I am not an animal!
>
>PICARD: Well, Counselor, it appears we have your intruder.
Crow: [Troi] My intruder? It's your ship I bloody well think he's your
intruder.
>
>TROI: I know this sounds strange, but I feel that he is not a threat.
>
>RIKER: You're right...that does sound strange.
>
>PICARD: Go on-
>
Tom: [Riker] Okay, considering what has happened here...
Mike: [Picard] Not you, dickweed.
>TROI: I sense that the man feels a sense of helplessness and panic. This is
>defintely not a situation that he is under control of. Oddly enough, it is
>an experience he has had before.
Tom: Must be a Buffalo Bills fan.
>
>RIKER: Who ARE you?!
Crow: A lot of people ask that... that's why I carry the American
Express card.
>
>MAN: I'm Dr. Stephen A. Becherell. I'm time-sensitive. What time is this?
>
>PICARD: We're time-sensitive, too...it's 0-330.
>
Mike: [Becherell] Ooooh! I hate that time. It always makes me break out
in a rash.
>STEPHEN: I MEANT, what YEAR is it?
>
>PICARD: (gives date in which Star Trek-TNG is taking place)
>
>STEPHEN: That's a little farther than usual.
Tom: What? Did he expect to end up in The Original Series?
>I wish I knew where he was...
>I just can't seem to focus.
Crow: Is this the author talking?
>
>We cut to Dr. Crusher's Office in Sick Bay.
>
>CRUSHER: I wondered what he meant when he said that he was time-sensitive, so
>I checked it with the computer.
Mike: All it would say is "42".
>Jean-Luc, listen to this: computer: replay
>medical prognosis of "Time-Sensitivity," and cross-relate entry of "Time-Sync
>Device."
Crow: [Picard] It's got a good beat so it's easy to dance to, but the
lyrics are pretty bad. I give it a 68.
>
>COMPUTER: Time Sensivity...a physiogenic abnormality in the brain cortex in an
>extremely small portion of humans which was discovered during the later half
>of the Twentieth Century by the Royal British Conservatory of Medicine.
Tom: These people were identified by the term "Dittoheads".
>The
>condition exists as a dual organic dysfunction in which the areas of the brain
>which control psychic ability hyperfunction and are linked to emotional
>perception centers.
Mike: Also known as "Dionne Warwick's disease".
>In the presence of fear, stress or violent emotional
>states, victims will often physically transport themselves for a short period
>of time to different time and space coordinates.
Tom: A place where everybody knows your name.
>Nearly all victions return to
>original time and space coordinates after the emotional state is subsided,
>unless the subsequent disorientation is too violent. Early victims responded
>to
Crow: Clicking their ruby red slippers together three times and chanting
"There's no place like home".
>enzamatic treatments mixing L-Dopamine
Mike: Rope-a-dopamine.
>and L-Lysene with small
>concentrations of L-Trophotamine.
Tom: That's the strangest martini I've ever heard of.
>Currently, victims are provided with a
>Time Sync Device which monitors current emotional state and produces a varied
>Alpha and Beta Wave Sequence during times of perceptable stress.
>
>PICARD: Interesting. So we have a sick man here-
>
>CRUSHER: More than that. Computer, who was the inventor of the Time Sync
>Device.
>
>COMPUTER: The Time Sync Device was invented by Dr. Stephen A. Becherell.
All: Plot point! Plot point!
>
>Crusher and Picard look 'freaked,' as we fade to black with appropriate
>music and continue to a set of commercials.
>
Tom: Nobody here looks 'freaked', but we need to go too.
[.....1.....2.....3.....4.....5....6.....]
Mike: You know, with all these major characters rushing to the bridge in the
middle of the night I started wondering about what sort of sleeping
apparel they might wear.
Crow: I bet Worf wears Masters of the Universe underoos.
Mike: Possibly.
Tom: And Beverly has always struck me as the oversized t-shirt type of gal.
Mike: Could be.
Crow: You think Guinon wears those stupid hats to bed?
Mike: I kind of doubt it.
Tom: Geordi has always struck me as a cotton pajama type of guy.
Mike: I could see that.
Crow: Deanna wears something flimsy from Frederick's of course.
Mike: Well....
Tom: And Riker probably sleeps in the nude.
[all shudder and grimace]
Mike: Well I think that deep down, when no one is watching, Picard wears
jammies with feet and bunny ears.
[Commercial light begins flashing]
Mike: We'll be right back.
[Outside a Burger King. A conga line is dancing merrily along singing the
song which shall not be named. Suddenly a steamroller appears - no one
notices. The steamroller gets closer and closer. Camera cuts away to
show Chevy Chase running desperately towards the conga line. The
steamroller gets closer. Chevy gets closer. Oh no, Chevy has fallen and
he can't get up. With numerous loud grinding and crunching noises Chevy
and the conga line are reduced to a large, greasy spot on the pavement.
A strange man walks up to the greasy spot, looks down, and says, "That's
a wrap, my brother. I really thought you put your heart into that one."]
>
>Fade onto view of Enterprise going through space. Voice over:
>
>PICARD (V.O.): Captain's log, stardate 4318.247.
Tom: Now he knows the date. A little while ago when he was asked what
year it was he was clueless.
>The Enterprise has received
>Dr. Stephen A. Becherell, inventer of the little-known, Timesync (medical)
>Device. The unit serves to re-orient victims of the Time-Sensivity Disorder
>to their own time and place or origin. Dr. Crusher has confirmed the diagnosis
>personally with Dr. Becherell and with Starfleet Medical. We now must find
>out what to do with this renowned traveller.
Crow: Marco Polo's on board?
>
>In Briefing Room:
>
>PICARD: Dr. Becherell, I must ask, why you, the inventor of the Timesync Device
>should find yourself aboard the Enterprise.
Mike: [Becherell] Well Captain, it's a literary device known as a plot
contrivance. It was frequently used in works of science fiction in
the late 20th century.
>
>BECHERELL: Captain, I don't want to bore you with the details-
>
>RIKER: Bore us, please.
Tom: Isn't that your job?
>
>BECHERELL: Very well. You see, I am more than just the inventor of the Time-
>sync Device, and a sufferer of the affliction.
Crow: I'm also a client.
>(He gets up and paces.) You
>see, when the Royal Conservatory found the condition, the scientific commun-
>ities of most of the major countries went to work to find a cure.
>
>CRUSHER: But, there is no cure.
Tom: [singing] For the summer time blues.
>
>BECHERELL: That's right. But, Timesync Device is a way to CONTROL the problem.
Crow: "Depends" for people with continuity control problems.
>
>RIKER: Why don't you wear one?
>
>BECHERLL: I do, but it was taken off me just before I experienced the emotional
>state that brought me here.
Mike: I'm guessing that would have been anger at his agent for getting him
this job in the first place.
>
>TROI: It must have been a violent emotion.
>
>BECHERELL: Have you ever looked down the barrel of an armed phaser cannon
>set on "high?"
Tom: No, but I've danced with the devil by the pale moonlight.
>
>TROI: And that emotion caused you to experience lack of timesync...and
>come forward in time to the Enterprise?
Mike: Objection. That's merely speculation on the part of the prosecution.
Tom: Sustained. Witness does not have to answer the question.
>
>PICARD: What I don't understand, is why you're not going back to your own
>time.
Crow: GET OUT! GET OUT!!
>Dr. Crusher tells me, it's like a sling-shot effect once the emotion
>has subsided.
Tom: And of course *she's* never wrong.
>
>BECHERELL: I have asked Dr. Crusher to inject me with a course of Thrionium-
>Citrate-77.
Mike: Because a day without Thrionium-Citrate-77 is like a day without
sunshine.
>This is a stimulant which will keep my emotional trigger level
>high enough so that I can stay here on aboard the Enterprise long enough to
>as for your help.
Crow: Also, I've been repeatedly watching "Old Yeller".
>
>PICARD: What do you want from us?
>
>BECHERELL: I need to go to Earth to pick up another Timesync Device. That's
>the first thing.
Mike: Secondly, I need three million dollars in small, unmarked bills.
Tom: And a shuttle to take me to Riza.
Crow: And a small beachhouse on Riza, but nothing too commercial. I want to
be able to soak up the local flavor.
>They DO have Timesync Devices on Earth, don't they, Dr.
>Crusher?
>
>CRUSHER: According to Starfleet Medical, the schematics are still available,
>and they can have one ready when we arrive in three days at maximum warp.
>
>PICARD: Couldn't we fashion one here, based on the schematics?
Mike: Sure, we can rent a barn and get all the kids together.
>
>RIKER: It's not IMPOSSIBLE, is it, Geordi?
Crow: [Geordi] Bite me, fat boy.
>
>LAFORGE: Maybe, not. I'll give it a try.
>
>PICARD: But, Dr. Becherell, that's all fine and well, but what I want to know,
>is WHY you want to stay here,
Tom: [Becherell] The babes, Captain. I figure a 500-year old man is bound
to make out like a bandit.
>and what help you REALLY need.
>
>BECHERELL: Once I developed the Timesync Device, we found out that with some
>minor modifications, it could be used in reverse...'normal' people could use
>it for time travel...historical research, etc. Once you passed through an
>extensive security check,
Mike: And, of course, the five-day waiting period.
>you would be issued a Timesync Device for a short
>period of time. The procedure worked fine, until someone passed through all
>security checks of credentials, psychological profiles, and interests.
Tom: So as long as no one passed the checks everything was okay?
>Captain, it's that person who I seek to bring back to my time...to bring to
>justice!
>
>PICARD: Who is this person?
Crow: [gratuitous killer Peck voice] Dr. Richard Kimbell.
>
>BECHERELL: Lorieli Llewellyn. Almost immediately after she went on her
>original mission, we noticed 'things' happening.
Tom: I wonder if these 'things' caused 'shudders' in the 'fabric' of 'space'.
Mike: I think we've 'run' that 'joke' into the 'ground'.
>The first thing that
>happened was my medical and physics degrees changing. Instead of having
>graduated from MIT and New York School of Medicine,
Crow: I graduated from Devry.
>both degrees changed
>to read that I graduated from Harvard. Not an inequitable switch, but
>somewhat disarming at least.
Mike: So much for be true to your school.
>Many others of my key staff experienced
>similar changes. THEY knew what the past SHOULD have been, but EVERYONE
>else seemed to have quickly FORGOT.
>
>TROI: That would seem to be very unsettling.
Crow: [Becherell] Yes, but it wasn't as bad as the time she turned me into
a newt.
>
>BECHERELL: QUITE unsettling, Counselor. Then, we noticed the structure of
>certain industries began changing...owners, mission statements, publics
>served.
Tom: Actors being elected president.
>Why when the Public Broadcasting Service in America began showing
>"Caligula" every evening - (looks briefly at Picard).
>
>PICARD: What is it, Doctor?
Mike: [Becherell] It's a movie with lots of sex and violence, but that's not
important now.
>
>BECHERELL: Nothing, Captain...as I was saying, by THAT time, we knew something
>had gone wrong, and I was chosen to go after her. And so Captain, I need to
>get back on Lorieli's trail...or the stream of time and events as we know it
>could hang further in the balance between the experience of what we now know,
>the the oblivion which we could experience. Lorieli Llewylln MUST be stopped
>before she destroys REALITY!
>
>Fade to commercial with ominous horns...
[Busy city street. Lots of pedestrians, lots of traffic. Closeup on a
crosswalk sign as it changes from "Walk" to "Don't Walk". A female, Aryan
yuppie dashes into the street in an attempt to beat the light. Suddenly
she breaks a heel on her shoe. She trips. She's hit by a bus. Medium
shot on her shoes laying in the street. One has a broken heel, one does
not. An ambulance comes screeching up and runs over her shoes. Now both
shoes have broken heels. Cut to shot of the ambulance driver as he pops
a Mentos into his mouth and grins.]
>
>PICARD (V.O.): Captain's log, stardate 4318.251. We are approaching Earth to
>obtain a Timesync Device for Dr. Becherell. Lt. Commander LaForge, however,
>almost has his version of the device completed...almost.
Mike: [singing] He's got everything he needs... almost.
But he don't got you and you're the thing he needs the most.
>
>In Engineering:
>
>BECHERELL: No, no, no! Geordi-that isn't right. If you have the emiter set
>that high, you'll put me asleep!
Crow: Geordi? Put someone to sleep? Noooo.
>
>TROI: Stephen, I know you're feeling stress, but Geordi LaForge is the best and
>most innovative chief engineer aboard any Starfleet vessel. Either he will be
>able to complete the device with components available on the Enterprise, or we
>will be near Earth within a few hours.
Tom: Does that mean, if he is able to complete the device they
won't be near Earth in a few hours?
Crow: It is a Timesync (tm) device. It can do magic.
>
>BECHERELL: I know, Counselor, but it concerns me that the tolerances be exact.
>If a transducer is off one-quarter of a level of operational output, I could
>easily find myself lunching with Ghengis Khan.
Mike: And I'm a vegan.
>
>TROI walks out of Engineering smiling, and BECHERELL smiles as well.
Tom: Laugh and the world laughs with you.
Crow: Cry and you'll be on next week's Oprah.
>
>We see the Enterprise arriving near Earth. We then cut to the Captain's Ready-
>Room in which PICARD is sipping tea. A "tweedle-dimp" is heard from the com
>panel, and the computer says:
>
>COMPUTER: Priority transmission from Starfleet Command.
Mike: [Operator's voice] Will you accept the charges?
>
>PICARD: On desk viewer.
>
>We cut to the desk viewer, and see the Starfleet logo replaced by the image of
>Admiral Robert Adamson.
All: AGH!
>
>PICARD: Robert...what do I owe the pleasure of this priority transmission?
Mike: Thirty-nine ninety-five.
Crow: Plus tax.
Tom: Batteries not included.
>
>ADAMSON: Jean-Luc, this concerns your passenger, Dr. Stephen Becherell.
>
>PICARD: Yes (takes a sip of tea)...what about him?
>
>ADAMSON: It seems there's another reason for him to be on Earth besides merely
>picking up another Timesync Device.
Mike: A small matter of an unpaid bar tab.
>
>We pull back to reveal LORIELI LLEWELLYN holding a phaser on ADAMSON.
>
>ADAMSON: Jean-Luc...I can't ask you to beam down, but I seem to be forced into
>asking for Dr. Becherell to come down personally. This is not a Kobayashi Maru
>Manuever, Captain.
Crow: So there's no use in asking Marissa Flores for help.
>I'll expect Dr. Becherell here in one hour. Starfleet out.
>
>Cut to Starfleet Command office of ADAMSON. LLEWELLYN puts phaser down, but
>still pointed at ADAMSON.
>
>LLEWELLYN: Very good, Ad-mir-al. I'm so- glad you decided to co-op-er-ate.
Tom: Yes, another proud graduate of 'Hooked on Phonics'.
>I'd hate to go back in time and mess with your life. Although, the idea does
>seem to EXCITE me. (She laughs, and ADAMSON looks uncomfortable.)
Mike: [Adamson] Stupid shorts riding up again. I should have spent the
extra and bought the Hanes.
>
>We cut to view of the Enterprise briefly, and then to PICARD striding onto the
>Bridge.
>
>PICARD: Red alert. Dr. Becherell to the Bridge.
>
>TROI: Captain, I sense wanton deception and guile in this situation, Captain.
Crow: [Troi] I also sense EXCITEMENT.
>I urge extreme caution, considering possible ramifications...
>
>PICARD: Oh, we will be cautious, Counselor. (To RIKER, and then to rest of the
>Bridge Crew): It seems that (BECHERELL enters Bridge)...Dr. Becherell's
>nemeisis has attacked Admiral Adamson at Starfleet Command, and is holding him
>hostage until we release Dr. Becherell to her.
>
>BECHERELL: Captain, surely you won't-
>
>PICARD: Don't worry, Doctor. I have no intention of turning you over to this
>person. She is an obvious terrorist.
Tom: Now a subtle terrorist...
>
>RIKER: Couldn't Dr. Becherell be seen on the Bridge during any visual
>communication, Captain? That would allow him to be beamed down.
Crow: Then get him off the bridge for crying out loud. This is not rocket
science.
>
>We see BECHERELL looking uncomfortable.
Mike: [Becherell] Stupid shorts riding up again. I should have spent the
extra and bought the Hanes.
>
>PICARD: (to com panel on chair) Mr. O'Brian-
>
>O'BRIAN: O'Brian here, Captain.
Crow: I know O'Brian's acting was always a little stiff, but calling him a
chair seems a bit cruel.
>
>We cut to a transporter room.
>
>PICARD (V.O.): Lock onto our visitor, Dr. Becherell. If anyone else tries to
>beam him off the Bridge without MY approval, intercept that attempt.
>
>O'BRIAN: Aye, Captain.
Tom: Colm Meany, ladies and gentlemen. Let's have a big hand for Colm Meany.
He'll be here all week. Enjoy the buffet.
>
>We cut back to the Bridge.
>
>PICARD: Open hailing frequencies to Admiral Adamson at Starfleet Command.
>
>We see ADAMSON and LLEWELLYN on screen. LLEWELLYN looks shocked.
Mike: [Llewellyn] Admiral! I can't believe you even know stories like that!
>
>PICARD: Admiral - we will comply with your request, but only to a point.
>(PICARD gets out of chair, and starts walking.) I and a contingency of my
>senior staff and several security officers will beam down. However, Dr.
>Becherell will stay on board the Enterprise.
>
>LLEWELLYN: No! Get him here now!
Crow: [Picard] Okay, how about my senior staff, several security officers,
a dozen expendable ensigns and a case of Hamdingers?
>
>ADAMSON: Jean-Luc...I'm sorry. (Off-to-side) Energize.
>
>BECHERELL: No!
Mike: I'm with him. I hate that stupid rabbit.
>
>BECHERELL starts to dematerialize from the Bridge, but the 'effect' takes
>longer than usual. LLEWELLYN looks uncomfortable.
Tom: She shouldn't have used the pink stuff.
>
>LLEWELLYN: Well- where IS he?!
>
>PICARD: Safe...in another area of my ship. Raise shields. We'll see you in
>one hour. Picard out.
>
>LLEWELLYN looks greatly angered and 'huffs.'
>
>We fade to commercial with 'triumphant' horns.
>
All: Waaah, waaah, waaah, waaaaaaah.
Tom: We need to fade out of here too.
[......1......2......3......4......5.....6.....]
Mike: You know, this Timesync(tm) device is a neat idea. If you could go
anywhere in time where would you choose, Tom?
Tom: I would journey back to the early 20th century where I would meet up
with a certain physicist by the name of Albert Einstein.
Mike: Well that's certainly an admirable goal. Albert Einstein would be an
interesting person to meet and talk to.
Tom: Yes, I've studied his work and found several mistakes he made and I
think I could really help him to achieve greatness.
Mike: Okaaay, what about you, Crow? Where would you go?
Crow: I'd go back to ancient Rome during the first century A.D.
Mike: Another admirable goal. Visiting one of the greatest empires mankind
has known. I guess you'd want to learn how they built those roads
and the aqueducts and how they kept such a far-flung empire going for
so long.
Crow: Yeah, sure, I guess.
Mike: Well what would you want to do there?
Crow: I'd hang out at the Colosseum so I could decide who lives and who dies.
Mike: Okaaay. Gypsy, what about you? Where and when would you like to go?
Gypsy: I'd go to the bottom of the sea so I could meet Richard Basehart.
Mike: I like that. All of you guys have interesting ideas.
Crow: What about you, Mike? Where would you go?
Mike: I think I'd go back and talk to a younger version of myself. Let him
know how things are going to turn out.
Tom: That's an excellent idea. You could point out to your younger self
missed opportunities that have led to regrets today.
Crow: Or better yet, tell yourself what investments to make so you could
become rich and get all the babes.
Tom: Yeah, or tell yourself not to star in so many musicals about the
Navy.
Mike: Well yeah, I could do all of that I guess but, I was thinking
more along the lines of telling a more recent version of myself
to not take a certain TEMP JOB!
[Commercial light begins flashing]
Mike: We'll be right back.
[We see an infant sitting inside of a tire holding on to a straw custom made
for Julia Roberts. Thanks to special effects the child seems to suck Lake
Erie dry. Suddenly the infant's diapers swell to the size of Howard Stern's
ego. Clara Peller comes onto the set dressed as Mary Poppins and says,
"Where's the pee!".]
>
>The Enterprise orbits the Earth, as Picard says:
>
>PICARD: Ship's log, stardate 4318.372.
Mike: [Jack Palance] Missed call. Woke up with a hangover and a Klingon.
Don't know which was worse.
>The situation regarding our passenger,
>Dr. Stephen Becherell, has grown worse. The person whom Becherell has sought
>through time and space has taken captive Admiral Robert Adamson at Starfleet
>Command Headquarters. We are in serious need of options.
Crow: We only have one commercial break left and we have to get this
storyline wrapped up.
Mike: [Picard] Plot contrivances, people, I need anything you can think of.
No matter how outrageous, no matter how inane, I need plot contrivances
and I need them now.
>
>In Briefing Room:
>
>GEORDI: I've completed the Timesync Device for Dr. Becherell.
>
>PICARD: Fine.
Tom: [Geordi] FINE?!! FINE?!!! I worked my butt off on this thing and put
up with this dickweed the whole time and all you can say is FINE?!!!
>
>GEORDI: And-it-should-work-both ways.
>
>RIKER: Both ways?
Crow: Country *and* western.
>
>GEORDI: Not only will it keep Dr. Becherell here in our time and space, but he
>will also be able to use it as a self-initiated time/space transport unit...
>
>BECHERELL: ...in exactly the same way Lorieli Llewellyn used it under the false
>pretenses that got her where she is now.
Tom: Silicone and collagen. I hear you, brother.
>
>WORF: We still have a hostage situation in progress.
>
>PICARD: Agreed. Dr. Becherell, would you consent to assisting us in releasing
>the admiral, and at the same time stopping Llewellyn?
Mike: [Christopher Lloyd] It's not my goddamn time period, monkey boy!
>
>BECHERELL: Consent? ...You have my BLESSINGS!
>
>Cut to views of Engineering and Bridge...acivity of equipment being put in.
Crow: Put the margarita machine against the back wall there.
Tom: And the wet bar goes in there beside Worf's tactical unit.
Mike: The jacuzzi? It goes down in engineering.
>
>PICARD (V.O.): Enterprise log, stardate 4319.62.
Crow: [Jack Palance] Missed call...
Tom: Heard it.
Mike: Done it.
>We now have a plan which will
>be able to liberate Admiral Adamson as well as allow Dr. Becherell to apprehend
>Lorieli Llewellyn. The Enterprise will use the Sun's gravety to go back in
>time to a point in time just before the admiral was taken hostage.
Tom: If they're going to go back in time to a point before the admiral is
taken hostage then weren't they already there? So, why didn't they
just stop her the first time? [Tom starts shaking]
Crow: He's starting to freak out.
Mike: Easy there, buddy. Don't think about it too much it'll just give
you a headache.
Crow: I think his head is going to explode again.
>
>PICARD: Mr. Data, begin time travel calculations and feed directly to the
>ship's navagational computers. Helm control will be at your disposal.
Crow: I thought control of Mr. Helm was at L'waxanna Troi's disposal.
Mike: No that's Mr. Holm. Mr. Helm was a spy played by Dean Martin and he
was controlled by Jack Daniels.
>Commander Riker, Counselor Troi, Mr. Worf and two security officers will join
>us at Starfleet Command when we arrive earlier this morning (Picard pauses for
>a second drinking in the paradox).
Tom: I thought they did their drinking in 10-Forward.
>Dr. Becherell will be joining us. (Into
>intercom): Dr. Crusher.
>
>CRUSHER (V.O.): I'm here, Captain...with Dr. Becherell.
Mike: [Becherell] Eat your heart out, Picard.
>
>PICARD: Good-
>
>Cut to Sick Bay.
>
>PICARD (V.O.): Dr., is the Timesync Device working.
>
>CRUSHER and BECHERELL (in union): Yes, Captain. (both look sheepish)
Crow: I've always thought Beverly looked more minkish.
>
>Cut to PICARD on Bridge who looks slightly amused. Cut back to Sick Bay.
>
>CRUSHER: He's on his own chemically, and the Timesync Device appears to be
>working.
>
>PICARD: Try it, Dr. Crusher.
Tom: [Beverly] But, it won't work on me because I don't have the disease.
Oh, you mean *test* it. Never mind.
>
>CRUSHER: But, Captain-
>
>Cut to Bridge.
>
>PICARD: An admiral's life is at stake. Test the device, Doctor.
Mike: What's the life of a peasant when an admiral is endangered.
>
>DATA: If I might suggest, Captain, a test can be constructed which will evoke
>sudden fear in the mind of Dr. Becherell.
Tom: We can tell him Hillary Clinton has been elected President.
>
>PICARD: Dr. Crusher, could you please ask Dr. Becherell to wait outside of
>Sick Bay for a moment?
>
Crow: [Beverly] You ask, I'm bitter.
>CRUSHER: Certainly, Captain.
>
>We cut to Sick Bay to see Dr. Becherell exit Sick Bay.
>
>CRUSHER: He's out, Captain.
Mike: Good. Wait until you hear who he was with last night...
>
>We cut back to Bridge.
>
>PICARD: Now, Mr. Data, how could we create a condition of fear that would
>provide a suitable test.
Crow: Tell him that the Olson twins have gotten their own variety show.
>
>DATA: By taking the turbolift system off-line and then accellerating the
>specific car that Dr. Becherell gets into towards the speed of free-fall, then
>suffient fear, if not momentary terror, could easily be created.
>
>PICARD: How safe would a free-fall be for a human?
Tom: The free fall is fine it's the landing that's a problem.
>
>GEORDI: Speed would not necessarily be the issue. We could turn the lights to
>an almost imperceptable level. The speed would then be minimal in relation to
>the feelings experienced.
Mike: Wow, just like Space Mountain.
>
>TROI: Captain, this is a human being...a visitor to the Enterprise at that!
>We should NOT be doing this!
Crow: Yeah, use a disposable crewman for the dirty jobs.
Tom: Don't you mean crewperson?
Mike: And shouldn't that be hygienically-challenged jobs?
>
>PICARD: Do you see any other alternative? (He looks around Bridge.) I see
>no other alternatives.
Mike: [Picard] Just a bunch of bleeding-heart, liberal pantywaists.
>Mr. Data, when you complete your time travel
>calculations-
>
>DATA: They are completed, Captain.
Crow: Don't do that, Radar.
>
>PICARD: ...if you would assist Lt. LaForge in isolating the proper car,
Tom: A Pinto would probably induce the most fear.
>and
>operating it under the desired conditions. I want the car to begin its
>acceleration the moment the doors close. Dr. Crusher, have you been listening?
>
>CRUSHER: Unfortunately, Captain. I, too share Counselor Troi's concerns.
Crow: [Picard] Damn touchy-feely crew. Kirk didn't have to put up with
this crap you know.
>
>Cut to Sick Bay.
>
>PICARD (V.O.): So noted, Doctor. Please track Dr. Becherell with your long-
>range medical scanners, Doctor to ascertain if any physical or mental harm is
>incurred.
Mike: Just charge any damages to my account.
>
>Cut to Bridge.
>
>DATA: We are ready, Captain.
>
>PICARD: Dr. Crusher, send Becherell to the Bridge.
>
>Cut to Sick Bay.
Tom: Tonight on a very special "Emergency".
>
>CRUSHER: They want you on the Bridge for a test of the Timesync Device.
>
>BECHERELL: Very well...
Mike: [Beverly] It's been nice knowing you.
>
>BECHERELL exits, and we cut to Bridge.
>
>PICARD: You ARE SURE that this is SAFE, Mr. LaForge.
Tom: Sure - this is completely different than all those other times.
>
>LAFORGE: Auto-safety controls lock on if manual control exceeds turbolift
>tolerances, Captain.
>
>PICARD: Looks like it's going to be a bumpy ride. (Sits in chair).
Crow: [Picard] But not for me so what do I care.
>Make it
>so, gentlemen.
>
>Cut to BECHERELL getting into turbolift. Doors slam shut. Lights dim. Car
>jerks and accelerates, throwing BECHERELL to the floor.
Mike: [Announcer's voice] Oh, and now the car has Becherell in a triple-reverse
screaming orange whip. It looks like he's in real trouble now. But
wait, what's this? Someone has thrown a chair into the ring. Uh-oh -
it's Guinon and this time she's pissed.
>
>Cut to Bridge.
>
>GEORDI: It's a nasty ride, Captain.
>
>CRUSHER (V.O.): Bio-scanners still show Becherell's life-signs. Pulse rate is
>increased. Breathing is uneven. I'm also picking up an 70% increae in Alpha
>brainwaves, Captain.
Tom: He must be an alt.fan.ann-rice reader.
>
>Cut momentarily to inside of turbolift car as it changes directions.
>
>Cut to Sick Bay with CRUSHER looking over a wall read-out.
Crow: 10,000 feet. 75,000 feet. 22,000 feet. This asshole's all over
the place.
>
>CRUSHER: Pulse is increased to 190 over 75. Breating still uneven. Alpha
>brainwaves are off-the-scale.
Mike: It looks like he's tossed his cookies.
>
>Cut to extreme close-up of BECHERELL sweating in fear.
>
>Cut to Bridge.
>
>PICARD: Doctor Crusher, is he still in the car?
Tom: [Beverly] Yes, but I cracked the window so it's okay.
>
>CRUSHER (V.O.): Yes, Captain.
>
>PICARD: End the test. Normalize turbolift system. Dr. Crusher to the Bridge.
Crow: [Beverly] In the turbolift? Not a chance, bucko.
>
>Turbolift doors open, BECHERELL falls out.
Tom: I had jello today.
>
>Fade to black with ominous music.
>Cut in Star Trek animated logo and spirited music.
>
>Commericals.
[ A smarmy looking Slacker is standing at a row of payphones harrassing
the people using them for not using 1-800-COLLECT and saving their
loved ones money. An elderly lady walks up behind him and hits him over
the head with her umbrella. She says, "Hey here's an idea, pinhead,
show your loved ones even more respect and spend YOUR OWN damned money
to call them."]
>
>
>BECHERERLL gets up from floor of Bridge panting:
Mike: [Becherell] Now that's an E-ticket ride.
>
>BECHERELL: It looks like it works, Captain.
>
>PICARD turns; everygbody gets busy.
Tom: Quick - act busy. The boss is coming.
>
>PICARD: Mr. Data, you will control helm based on your time travel calculations.
> Stand ready to engage. Dr. Becherell, set your Timesync Device so that
> you arrive at 7:55 am, Pacific Zone Earth Time
Tom: So, what, time revolves around Hollywood instead of Greenwich in the
25th century?
Crow: Pretty much.
> at the main lobby of
> Starfleet. Mr. Data, you will make sure the Enterprise arrives a few
> minutes ahead of Dr. Becherell, who we will meet a few minutes after he
> arrives. Understood, gentlemen?
Mike: [Data] Wait, what was the part about helm control?
Crow: [Worf] Who do I get to kill?
Tom: [Troi] I understood the whole thing, but did he bother to ask me?...
noooo. Sexist jerk.
>
>DATA: Understood, Sir. The Enterprise will arrive unobtrusively over the
> southern hemisphere at 7:50 am, Pacific Zone Earth Time. Orbit will
> then commence at the outer limits of transporter range, Captain.
>
>PICARD: Excellent, Mr. Data. Dr. Becherell...do you know what to do.
>
>BECHERELL: I've seen the schematics of the building comples at Starfleet, and I
> should have no problem finding Admiral Adamson's office.
Mike: But finding a decent cup of coffee in that building. Oy, forget
about it.
>
>PICARD: Good. Mr. Data...engage ship for time travel.
>
>We see the Enterprise go past the outer planets of the Solar System, turn
>around, and begin accelerating towards the sun.
Crow: [teenage voice] First one to swerve is a chicken, man. Woohoo.
>Cut back to Bridge.
>
>DATA: Captain, we are beginning breaking control maneuvers. Thrusters on line.
> (to intercom) All hands, secure for potentially violent control
> manueuvers.
>
>We now see the Enterprise turning around the Sun, and "zooming off."
All: [singing] Zooma-zooma-zooma-zoom.
Tom: Hey, Mike, didn't you write that?
>
>PICARD: Position, Mr. Data.
>
>DATA: Cronometer reads 6:30 am...6:37 am...6:55 am...7:02am-
Crow: I thought they were going back in time.
Mike: Maybe it's a B.C. type of thing.
>
>PICARD: Mr. Data-merely stabalize into orbit approximately 7:45 am.
>
>DATA: Yes, Sir. Arrival at 7:42 am, Sir. Orbit established.
Tom: So Data, who normally gives approximate times in milliseconds, all of
a sudden thinks plus or minus three minutes is okay?
>
>We see the Enterprise fade into orbit around the Earth with a warp-like effect.
>
>On the Bridge:
>
>PICARD: Dr. Becherell, would you-
>
>BECHERELL vanishes.
Mike: Geez, that kid vanishes anytime there's work to be done around here.
>
>RIKER: It would appear the Doctor wanted to make a hasty exit.
Tom: Well with you on the bridge who wouldn't?
>
>PICARD: Indeed, Number One. (getting up to leave) And, if you, Mr. Worf,
>Counselor Troi, and two security guards will join me in Transporter Room Three,
>we will do likewise.
Crow: And awaaaay we go.
>
>Cut to early morning at Starfleet Command.
>PICARD, RIKER, WORF, TROI and two red-shirts materialize.
>
>PICARD: Let's go in.
Mike: Do you think we should? The lights are on, but nobody answered when
we knocked. Maybe no one is home. We should have called. I told you
we should have called.
>
>They enter a spacious lobby, resplendent with various miniature planets, etc.
Crow: Your tax dollars at work.
>The only only noise heard besides their steps echoing on the floor, a fountain
>is heard.
Tom: Pete Fountain?
>
>The lights dim momentarily and a slight breeze blows. BECHERELL falls/fades
>onto the carpet.
Crow: I'm not cleaning that up.
>His device says: "Timesync established.)
>
>DATA: Dr. Becherell...you are on schedule.
>
>PICARD: Shall we? (They move forward.)
Mike: They exchange furtive glances.
Crow: They begin the forbidden dance.
>
>They pass through several corridors and doors.
>
>RIKER: Sure is deserted at this hour.
Tom: It's a government building. No one shows up until after 10:00.
>
>TROI: There are a few life-forms here already.
Mike: [Troi] I sense a mouse in that wall, a pair of sparrows nesting in
the rafters overhead, and that plant in the corner. Oh wait, my
mistake, that's an admiral.
>
>PICARD: Most of the executive staff don't arrive till mid morning. Only a few
>clerical personell are here in right now (they arrive at Admiral Adamson's
>door, and hear voices...), except for Admiral Adamson and an uninvited 'guest.'
>
>BECHERELL: Captain, a diversion might be in order.
Crow: [Picard] Agreed. Deanna, take these seven veils and go inside.
>
>PICARD: Agreed. Set your device to put you in there a few seconds from now.
> Phasers on 'stun.' Dr.-
>
>BECHERELL sets the controls of his device. A 'voice' in the device goes:
>
>DEVICE: Timesync...timesync...time- (BECHERELL vanishes).
Tom: I *hate* it when he does that.
>
>All burst in as LLEWELLYN points her phaser on BECHERELL as he appears.
>
>WORF: Put the weapon down!
>
>LLEWELLYN points the phaser at Worf. BECHERELL runs up to LLEWELLYN, grabs
>what looks like a 'wrist watch' from her wrist, and she screams:
Mike: Not my $500.00 Rolex!
>
>LLEWELLYN: Noooooo! (She vanishes.)
>
>Cut back to the Enterprise circling the Earth.
>
>PICARD (V.O.): Captain's log, 4321.181. Lorieli Llewellyn, the time-traveling
>terrorist
Crow: From Timbuktu.
>who attacked and held hostage, Admiral Adamson of Starfleet, has been
>stopped, and sent to...time and space unknown.
Tom: She must be inside Reagan's brain.
>
>Cut to the Bridge.
>
>BECHERELL: Thank you, Captain, for all the help that you have given me.
>
>PICARD: Where exactly will this Lorieli Llewellyn end up?
Mike: Probably Seaquest or Dr. Quinn. Maybe a guest shot on N.Y.P.D Blue
if she's lucky.
>
>BECHERELL: No way of knowing, but at least now we can begin undoing the damages
> to time that she has done. Goodbye.
>
>BECHERELL sets his device, and vanishes as the lights dim momentarily.
Crow: Where applicable.
>
>TROI: I wonder where she will go.
Tom: I don't know, but she left behind this silver bullet.
>
>WORF: Whereever, or whenever it will be, I hope it will be a fitting
> punishment.
Mike: This is what is known in the literary world as foreshadowing. Let's
watch and see where it leads.
>
>Cut to an interior scene in the stadium (Roman Empire). Two men pass a cage in
>which Llewellyn is in with other people.
Crow: [British woman's voice] I'm not a witch! They put these clothes on me.
And this nose.
>
>MAN #1: I hope the lions will be mercifully quick in their destruction. Oh,
> Centurian, where ARE those Christians being held.
>
>MAN #2: Directly behind you, Magistrate. Directly behind you.
Mike: If it was a snake it would have bit you.
>
>Close-up through the bars of LLEWELLYN who screams.
Tom: So, what, this was some sort of Star Trek - Twilight Zone crossover.
Crow: [Rod Serling] There's a sign post up ahead. Your next stop, the
Star Trek Zone.
>
>Fade to black.
>
>Comercials.
>
>Ending.
>
>
>"Timesync," a Star Trek - The Next Generation proposed story, by Scott Hume.
>Copyright, 1992. No conection with Paramount Pictures or Gulf Western
>Industries is implied. Story is meant as proposed submission, and may only
>be used as such, so as not to infringe on rights of author.
>
>
Mike: Don't give up that day job, Scott.
Tom: Come on, guys, let's get out of here.
[......1......2......3.....4.....5.....6......]
Tom: Maybe you guys can help me with a problem I have with these time
travel stories. When people travel back in time to solve some
problem why weren't they already there? And then, assuming they
solve the problem, there's no reason for them to go back when they
reach their own time again so the problem pops up again. [Tom
begins shaking]
Mike: Take it easy, Tom, it's just a fanfic.
Tom: But that's just it it's not just the fanfics. This dilemma occurs
in all time travel stories. Take the Terminator; Kyle comes back
from the future to save Sarah and in the process teaches her
survival techniques. Sarah teaches these same techniques to her
son John. John then teaches them to Kyle in the future who then
turns around and comes back and teaches them to Sarah. No one
ever gets the knowledge from an external source. It's a never
beginning, never ending story. [Tom begins to shake even more
violently until his head explodes.]
Crow: I knew that was going to happen.
Mike: Good thing we've got spares.
[Mads' light begins flashing]
Mike: Guess who's calling for dinner?
[Deep 13. Dr. Forrestor is standing in front of the camera and Frank is in
the background. Frank has a large analog clock imbedded in his chest.]
Dr. F: It does my heart proud to see such dissension among the ranks. I
only wish it could have been due to something I had done. Oh well,
maybe next time. Anyway, boobies, on with the invention exchange.
This week I've connected a clock to Frank's heart that shows how
much time is being drained from his life by stress. The more stress
he undergoes the faster the clock ticks to demonstrate how stress
shortens his lifespan. The beauty of this is that seeing the clock
tick faster causes even more stress which increases the speed of the
clock even more. Soon the wearer's life expires as the result of
a vicious circle of stress. Hahahahahahhahaha!!
[SOL. Everyone is staring at the camera with stunned expressions.]
Crow: ...the hell?
Mike: Didn't we see this already?
Crow: Just a second.
[Crow zips offscreen. Mike looks bemusedly in his direction. After a
few seconds Crow comes zipping back onscreen. On his wrist is a piece of
clear plastic with several multi-colored flashing lights inside.]
Crow: Mike, could you please press this button for me?
Mike: Sure, but what's it going to do?
Crow: [mysteriously] You'll see.
[Mike presses on Crow's "watch" and Crow disappears.]
[Deep 13. The set is empty. The lights dim momentarily and a slight breeze
blows. Crow falls/fades onto the floor.]
Crow: Great it worked. Now to make a few alterations. [Crow goes to the
keyboard and starts banging on it with his beak.] That ought to do it.
Dr. F: [offstage] Frank, hurry up. It's almost time to call them.
Crow: Uh-oh. [He begins banging his beak on his "watch", but nothing happens.]
[Dr F. walks onscreen.]
Dr. F: What are you doing down here!?
[Dr. F begins chasing Crow around. He grabs at him and pulls the "watch"
off. Crow immediately disappears.]
[SOL. The fanfic light is flashing and Mike and a whole Tom Servo are madly
rushing around. Crow appears and Mike and Tom stop running around and
stare at him.]
Mike: Where have you been?
Tom: Yeah, you're just in time for some lame fanfic called "Timesync".
Crow: Oh, I don't think so.
Mike: What does that mean?
Crow: I timesynced(tm) myself down to Deep 13 before they sent the fanfic
and I exchanged it for a copy of "Heart of Darkness".
Mike: Cool.
Tom: It's about time we got something decent up here.
[Mads' light begins flashing.]
Crow: Don't answer that. They'll just try to change the experiment.
Mike: Let's get out of here.
[All three sneak furtively offscreen.]
[Deep 13]
Frank: They're not answering, Clay.
Dr. F: [exasperated] I can see that.
Frank: So what do we do now?
Dr. F: Well we can't send them the fanfic since that meddling robot erased
it off the hard drive, but that doesn't mean we're going to let them
enjoy themselves. We'll just abort the whole experiment. Push the
button, Frank.
Frank: Okey-doke.
\ | /
\|/
---O---
/|\
/ | \
[Haunting MST3K love song]
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters and situations are
trademarks of and (c) 1994 by Best Brains, Inc. All rights reserved.
Star Trek and its related characters and situations are trademarks of and
(c) 1994 by Paramount. All rights reserved.
Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment
purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or trademarks
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place at the wrong time.
No children, animals or small pieces of bread were injured during the misting
of this fanfic.
If you'd like to MSTify some deserving piece, contact <misties-request
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Keep circulating the posts.
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>Doors to the Turbolift open and Picard in his sleeping attire emerges.