[MSTing] Blood and Metal (Part 9 of 9)
Shay_...@letterbox.com
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< - - - - - - - - - - Designed for a 78-letter line size - - - - - - - - - - >
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"Blood and Metal", by David Gonterman
MSTing by Shay Caron (Shay_...@letterbox.com)
Part 9 of 9
> It didn't take Davey long to get to the chow line again, and promptly
MIKE: Died.
> proceeded to inhale chili dog after chili dog.
BOTS: [ vacuum noises ]
> Julian rests in a sunbeam in front of David recharging his batteries.
CROW: Er... I'm running out of riffs.
> "That's your fifth full plate, David Kintobor. Keep this up and you'll end
> up
TOM: Exploding. Five plates of chili dogs?!
> looking like my evil clone!"
> "I haven't eaten in a month, Dad.
MIKE: [ Davey ] I'm dead.
CROW: Actually, once, a guy lived for 360 days on water.
> I need to binge."
> "But everybody is staring at you. Even the Hedgehog!"
CROW: With a capital Head.
> "Oh, they're just looking at me because I'm having a good conversation to a
> brain in a box.
TOM: Isn't that the plot of "Daedalus Encounter"?
> You know what I'm going to do?
MIKE: [ Davey ] Fart.
> Get you a body.
CROW: It *is* turning into a lemon!
> And I'm not
CROW: [ Davey ] Intelli--aargh!
MIKE: Almost lost there!
> talking that Auto-Automation crap Sally found out about. I want one of
> those good quality android model Packbell uses."
TOM: Yeah, one of those model.
> "Looks like you'll have a lot of time to do that in the future."
> "Yep."
CROW: Yuppers.
MIKE: Yep-yep-yep.
TOM: Mm-hmm.
> "That do you mean," That
MIKE: Do you mean?
> mentioned hedgehog said while getting another full
> plate.
> "You're leaving."
ALL: Yes!!
> Acorn found out three hours later in his office.
> "Yeah, your majesty. You probably know the reasons."
TOM: [ King Acorn ] It's 'cause ya suck, right?
MIKE: For that, Tom, Crow gets your share of the chips if he wins.
TOM: Aaaaa!!
> Acorn settled in his chair. "You need to find yourself, I guess."
CROW: [ Davey ] Yeah, this happens all the time, and I'm always in the last
place I look!
> "You can say that. I know by now what I don't want to become like another
> Robotnik.
TOM: [ Davey ] Also I like guinea pigs.
> But I have no idea what I do want to be. So I'm going away to
> find out what."
> Acorn looked up at David.
MIKE: [ King Acorn ] Get down from the ceiling!
> He was glad to see the fury and anger in his face
> gone, replaced by the hope he saw so long ago and far away. It was
> something he wanted David to keep.
MIKE: [ King Acorn ] You can have it. I don't want it anymore.
> So he's going to let him go. He misses him already.
TOM: Suuure you do.
> "You're a good man, er, fox,
CROW: [ King Acorn ] Er, dwe--no! Arrgh!
MIKE: You'll never make it to the end.
> Davey Crockett." The two shook hands as they
> went out the door. "It's a shame to lose you . . . Suni?"
TOM: Since when is Sonia/Suni leaving?
> The Fox looked at the girl hedgehog he loved once.
CROW: And since when does he not love her?
> The two share a smile.
MIKE: And since when does one smile fit on two faces at once?
> "I heard that you're going to be with what's left of your dad for a while."
> "Yeah, Suni. I don't know if you'd be--"
TOM: Audrey Pavia.
> "It's all right, Fox.
MIKE: I changed the channel; we're watching X-Files now.
BOTS: Woo!
> I want you two to be alone for a while, but after you
CROW: [ Sonia/Suni ] Finish your Davey/Julian slash fic--
MIKE: OK, Crow, you *don't* get Tom's share of the chips.
CROW: D'oh!
TOM: Hah!
> caught up to date, and you come back to Knothole. Look me up, okay?"
> "I will," Davey promised as the two kissed in the sunset.
CROW: [ Davey ] Aargh! We're burning! [ Mike and Tom stare. ] Y'know, cause
they're in the sunset.
> It was a multiple moonlit and starry night that night, just like the night
MIKE: That was dark and stormy.
TOM: Huh?
MIKE: Sorry. I'm just running seriously low on inspiration.
> Davey entered Knothole, when Knothole gathered to say good-bye to their
> visitor one last time.
ALL: [ cheerfully ] Bye! See ya! Adios! Auf wiedersehen! Sayonara! Don't come
back!
> The hoverbike slowly tooled out of the garage and down the street with
> everyone in attendance providing a parade route,
TOM: [ Davey ] Oh, which way to the parade? Thanks.
> wishing him a good journey
> and hope he finds what he'll be searching for.
CROW: Just as soon as he figures out what that is.
> They don't see him as a
> visitor anymore, nor do they see him as the son of their tormenter.
MIKE: Though he *is* *both* of those.
> No.
ALL: No?
> They see Davey Crockett as one of their own. All of Mobius do.
CROW: I don't even have the strength to comment.
> At the end of the parade line stood King Acorn and Sonic. He stopped at
> those two.
TOM: [ Davey ] OK, which one of you stinks so bad?
> He turned to the King, and in an uncharacteristic move, the King Bowed to
MIKE: Bingo the monkey.
> Davey. He returned the bow
CROW: [ Davey ] I wanted a pony.
> and turned to Sonic.
> After a warm pause,
TOM: "Warm"?
> they shouted:
> "ONE MORE TIME!!!!!!!"
TOM: Wait, wait, wait! Only I am allowed to say "one more time"!
> The two roared off a dust-storm stirring peel out before they both bolted
> full tilt onto a cliff, accelerating all the way.
MIKE: [ singing ] Dashing through the dust, on a bike from Chevrolet!
CROW: [ singing ] Over the cliff we go, accelerating all the way!
TOM: Ha ha ha ha!
> Sonic stopped on the dime this time, right at the edge of the cliff, and got
> a good look at Davey Crockett as he blown past him
ALL: [ snicker ]
> with a roar of light-
> hearted laughter that carried him over the cliff, through the air and into
> the trees.
MIKE: Strongest laugh I've seen in a while.
> Sonic watched him off into the distance, and gave a tearful good-bye as his
> friend sped into the horizon and out of his sight.
> "Good-bye, Big Daddy"
CROW: Adios, craphole author!
MIKE: Ooh, so close, but no bananas.
CROW: [ thinks about this ] *D'OH*!!
TOM: [ as they leave ] And Kenny dies.
[ Everyone leaves the theater. ]
[ 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... ]
[ INT SOL ]
MIKE: Yaaaaay! It's over!
BOTS: Hrmph.
MIKE: Y'know, since you managed to survive that fanfic, I'm gonna let you have
those RAM chips anyway!
TOM: Yeaaahh!
CROW: Woooooo!
TOM: Uh, say, Mike, could you help me with my experiment?
MIKE: Sure thing, Tommy-boy.
CROW: Yawn. I'm gonna go sort my videos.
MIKE: Yeah, have fun. [ Crow leaves. ] So what's the experiment?
TOM: Well, I determined conclusively that light does NOT make sound under any
circumstances. Now I want to find out if DNA is really as similar
between father and son as Davey said, and for that, I need someone with
actual DNA.
MIKE: And that's where I come in.
TOM: Right. Now, I'm going to take your DNA and clone you, and then compare
the--no, that wouldn't work. I'll make *two* clones--no. One male clone
and one female?
MIKE: Look, forget I offered. Let's see what Pearl and the gang are up to.
[ Mike hits the Mads Sign Signal-Thingy(tm). ]
TOM: Three clones?
[ Mobius. Pearl, Observer, and Bobo are tied up, leaned on a log. Davey's
looking pretty high and mighty. ]
PEARL: Nelstone, you gotta help us out down here! We made Butt-Crackett over
there *too* evil, and now he's going to take over the galaxy on his
own!
[ SOL. Dramatic music. ]
MIKE: We've got to do something!
TOM: Yeah! I'd rather have Pearl rule the universe than Davey! [ shakes
head ] Whoa. Did I just say that?
[ Mobius ]
DAVEY: You're too late! In a matter of minutes, my CPCTC will be up and
running!
[ SOL ]
TOM: You mean Corresponding Parts of Congruent Triangles are Congruent?
[ Mobius ]
DAVEY: No, I mean this: [ he drags a phone booth onscreen ] the Cyberspace
Plot Contriving Transport Chamber! With this, I'll travel the galaxy,
capturing rulers and taking over!
[ SOL. Tom and Mike are huddled. Crow shows up, holding a big box of video
tapes. ]
CROW: Mike, Tom, could you help me here?
TOM: Crow, we're busy!
MIKE: Davey's trying to--
CROW: Come on, would you just look for a second?
MIKE: Oh, all right. [ examines tapes ] Man, look at all of these. The "Mighty
Ducks" series...
CROW: First I was going to sort them alphabetically.
TOM: "Aladdin", "Little Mermaid", "Pocahontas"...
CROW: Then I thought maybe by date.
MIKE: Three rows of porn?!
CROW: Also, I could always do it by the company that made the tape.
TOM: Every Porky's tape ever made!
CROW: Then there's preference, of course.
MIKE: How would you know how many there are?
TOM: Uh, I'm just, uh, guessing.
CROW: I know I can't just leave them.
MIKE: "Who F--" [ pause ] That's it!
CROW: I *should* just leave them?
MIKE: No, *that's* it! [ grabs tape ]
TOM: Oh, oh, I get it!
MIKE: [ pulls down Nanite scope ] Nanites, I have an important job for you.
[ to Tom ] You set things up. [ picks up the palmtop computer ] And
[ to Mobius ] beam me down, Brain Guy.
[ Mobius ]
OBSERVER: Mmm-mmn-mnrmph.
[ SOL ]
MIKE: Huh?
[ Mobius ]
OBSERVER: [ spits out gag ] I said OK. <brain noise>
[ SOL ]
<POP> [ Mike disappears ]
TOM: OK, let's get crackin'. [ looks up at scope ] Uh, Crow, could you get
that for me?
[ Mobius. Mike pops in. ]
DAVEY: [ facing away from Mike ] What just popped.
MIKE: Only me.
DAVEY: Oh, well, that's all rig--whaat?! [ spins around ] Oh, it's you.
MIKE: I have come to stop you from your evil path. Cower before me, for I have
brought the script! [ holds up palmtop ]
DAVEY: Oh-ho, so it's a battle of plot contrivances, eh? I accept your choice
of weapon. En garde!
MIKE: Well, for starters, [ taps on palmtop ] we're passing through a meteor
shower. [ Davey is pelted with papier-mache rocks. ]
DAVEY: Ow! Eech! Ooh! Yow! But [ taps on his arm ] I have--ow--a meteor-
blocking--ouch--force field! [ The "meteors" start hitting Mike. ]
MIKE: Ooh! Yikes! Oww! Erk! The field [ tap tap ] glitches and--yow--becomes a
meteor-attracting field! [ The "meteors" hit Davey again. ]
DAVEY: Erg! Owch! Yow! Eek! [ tap tap ] The planet shifts [ everyone is thrown
to the ground ] and all the meteors pass by harmless!
MIKE: [ tries to get up ] Well, I still have one trick prepared. [ to SOL ]
Ready?
[ SOL ]
CROW: Ready!
TOM: Ready!
GYPSY: [ holding a bucket in her mouth ] Rdmmph!
[ Mobius. Mike is holding one end of a tube which extends offscreen and looks
strangely familiar. ]
MIKE: Then let 'er rip!
[ A stream of green-yellow bubbling liquid blasts out of the tube, soaking
Davey head to toe. ]
DAVEY: Yeaargh! What is this?!
MIKE: Dip. Ever see "Who Framed Roger Rabbit"?
DAVEY: [ Davey starts to slowly melt. ] Nooo! I'm melting!! MELTING! Noooooo!!
[ Mike, smirking, sits down on a log to watch. ]
[ Fade to black. ]
OBSERVER: Is anyone going to untie us?
MIKE: Don't look at me.
[ End theme music. ]
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End of part 9 of 9 (and the entire thing, too!)
Shay Caron (Shay_...@letterbox.com
-or-
glee...@aol.com)
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[ Over the credits, we hear Davey's screams in pain and anger, interspersed
with "Oh nooo!"s and "I'm melting!"s. ]
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Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters and situations are
trademarks of and copyright 1994 by Best Brains, Inc. All rights reserved.
Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment purposes
only; no infringement on the original copyrights or trademarks held by
Best Brains, Inc. (a great group of people) is intended or should be
inferred.
"Blood and Metal" is copyright David Gonterman (and he's welcome to it). I'm
not repeating myself, so just see above.
This MSTing is purely intended for entertainment and is not meant as an
insult. Seriously, all I wanna do is make people laugh. And perhaps win
the lottery. Also, the actual MSTing, as in the riffs and host segments,
is copyright me, Shay Caron, at "Shay_...@letterbox.com" or
"glee...@aol.com".
I probably stole some jokes from other MSTings in here. If I did, well, get
over it. ;-) These credits are starting to get lengthy, aren't they?
Web comics? Oh yeah. Here they are, in no particular alphabetical order.
After Life of Bob,
"http://web.cs.ualberta.ca/~davidw/ALoB/strips/strip_intro.html"
Class Menagerie, "http://www.furnation.com/menagerie/"
Dexter, "http://www.dexnet.com/dexter/archives.html"
Falling Dream, "http://www.ultranet.com/~grt/"
Ivory Tower, "http://wwwvms.utexas.edu/~dante/tower"
Kevin & Kell, "http://www.reuben.org/holbrook/kevkel.html"
Limpidity, "http://www.nic.com/~cheah/limpid.html"
Madam & Eve, "http://www.mg.co.za/madameve/today.htm"
Melonpool, "http://www.melonpool.com/"
Sabrina Online, "http://www.coax.net/people/erics/Sabrina.htm"
Skippy & Liska, "http://www.telusplanet.net/public/foxstar/"
I'm really starting to ramble, credit-wise. Most of the "Blast Hardcheese"
jokes were created using a randomizer I created using Microsoft Excel.
Asketh and you shall receiveth... a free copy, that is.
Well, I don't think Mike Neylon is really Mike Nelson. However, his site can
be found at "pinky.wtower.com", and it's hands-down the best MUT3K archive
site there is. Neat coincidence, though, isn't it?
The various "Borg" jokes can be found by typing in "@borg" on FluffMUCK
(telnet to fluffmuck.org:8888). Hi to MTails, Sennard, Devochka, and
DrkWolf from CharlieS!
Detective? Ah yes, that's an interactive fiction (text adventure) MSTing by
C.E. Forman. The link is:
"ftp://ftp.gmd.de/if-archive/games/infocom/mst3k1.z5"
Want info on running it? Here:
"ftp://ftp.gmd.de/if-archive/games/infocom/how_to_play_these_games"
AAUGH!!! These credits just won't end!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA eh, might as well
continue. My MSTing of "Blood and Metal" was proofread by these people:
Steven Savage (bad...@infinet.com),
John Berry (be...@sugar-river.net),
Alex Krieger (ji...@gate.net),
Ophelia Barnes (Auste...@aol.com),
James (Jimmy) Johnson (B52m...@aol.com),
and David Gonterman (DGont...@aol.com). Yes, David Gonterman!
If there's anything wrong, blame them.
Also, thanks, Joe Nebus. Your great MSTing of "Altered Destiny" introduced me
to the wonderful world of MUT3K. Please don't ask what I was doing on
alt.fan.sonic-hedgehog.
And finally, a big ol' thank you to the world for existing. Couldn't have done
it without ya.
I'm tired of typing. This means the credits are done.
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DAVEY: Oh, what a world, what a world...
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Double Stinger:
> All that was left for him was the
> wallflowers and the weirdos. Like the one who wanted him for sex and sex
> alone; when he said that sex before marriage was just not his thing, she
> dumped him and cried 'rape' on him.
[...]
> "The Stardusrince," Sonia said, the word flowing like the water off a water
> fall."It means 'Love Dance'. You, Davey Crockett, courier of the Royal House
> of Acorn, have won my heart. I, Commadress Wizard Boometia Sonia Madylin
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