[MSTing] End of Mobius, Part 1 (6 of 6)
Shay Caron
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"End of Mobius, Part 1", by Dave Bulmer
MSTing by Shay Caron (glee...@aol.com)
http://protection.keenspace.com/
Part 6 of 6
[ Everyone enters the theater. ]
TOM: I wish I had feet.
CROW: You can have mine.
TOM: Hey, thanks!
>
> "This is perfect, Grimer!"
MIKE: [ Robotnik ] This number's factors add up to equal it!
> Robotnik gloated, pressing the button
> on his seat's arm and destroying another Zone with a single power burst.
TOM: Sheesh, why don't you just hold the button *down*?
> "Only two more Zones left before I can begin building!"
CROW: [ Robotnik ] I'm considering calling it "Stonehenge". Whaddaya think?
MIKE: [ Grimer ] Er, it's, ah, taken, sir.
> Grimer looked up from his screen and gasped in horror. "Master,
> the Super Emeralds are...
MIKE: [ Grimer ] On strike!
TOM: [ Grimer ] Really cranky, sir!
> are moving, sir!" Robotnik spun round his
> chair and peered into the screen. Grimer was right, the Super Emeralds
> were moving. They had somehow dislodged themselves from their resting
> positions in the power chamber and had begun to spin around each other
> in mid-air.
CROW: [ Emeralds ] Let's polka!
> Robotnik jumped out of his chair and ran to a pad in the floor.
> Flicking a switch in the wall, he stood straight with his arms pressed
> firmly by his sides as the pad shot downwards, through a narrow, metal
> pipe.
TOM: [ Robotnik ] Wheeeeee--oh, sorry.
> The lift stopped instantly outside the door to the power chamber.
> Flinging open the door, Robotnik stopped and stared.
CROW: [ Robotnik ] They're *nude*!
MIKE: They're *emeralds*, Crow.
CROW: Oh, right. ...But they *are* nude.
MIKE: All right, I concede the point.
> The Super
> Emeralds were spinning several times faster than before, and the light
> they were generating was getting more powerful.
> The Super Emeralds were attempting to end the war.
CROW: We got some exposition about this way back when, didn't we?
MIKE: This is true.
TOM: It seems like it was three years ago...
> There was nothing they could do against Robotnik as they were
> incapable of harming a living thing,
CROW: The wusses.
> but they could help the Freedom
> Fighters along a little.
> A giant laser shot out of the Super Emeralds, along the power
> containment tubes and out of the Death Egg's eyes.
TOM: It's a Distortion Field!
CROW: It's a ProtoLaser!
MIKE: It's a Plot Device!
> Robotnik and Grimer
> fell to the floor as the Egg swung round to face the Mobian Sea. The
> beam hit the water with great force, and something began to happen.
> Bubbles floated to the surface
CROW: Oh, the ocean let one.
> as pieces of land collided and stuck
> together. More and more broken chunks of land began to fit together and
> the cracks in-between them disappeared.
MIKE: The Super Emeralds are *really* good at jigsaw puzzles.
> As Sonic and Knuckles watched in awe and amazement, Angel Island
> emerged from the waters, fully healed. It was unbelievable.
ALL: Well, believe it!!
> Only hours
> ago they had seen in blown apart by the sea, and now it was restored.
> Everything on the Island was back in position as well.
TOM: And that's not all!!
> Clutching Knuckles' arm in one hand and the Power Ring in the
> other, Sonic raced across the sea again. The Ring had just enough power
> left in it to take them to the banks of Angel Island. They jumped onto
> the Island and scrambled onto the land.
> Inside the Death Egg, the Super Emeralds fell back into their
> resting positions.
CROW: [ football coach ] And... break!!
TOM: [ drill sargeant ] At ease!!
> Their power drained, they were no longer strong
> enough to keep the Death Egg in the air. Robotnik let out an angry
> bellow
MIKE: [ Robotnik ] Mooooooo!!!
> as the whole of the Death Egg began to plummet towards Angel
> Island, where it landed with an earth-shaking boom. Robotnik stepped
> back into the lift and shot up towards the control room of the Death
> Egg.
> "Grimer!" Robotnik barked as he entered the control room,
TOM: [ Robotnik ] Get me some flea powder and a biscuit!
> "move
> the Death Egg into firing position! We must destroy Sonic and
> Knuckles!!"
> The Death egg rolled backwards slightly, its mighty eyes
> pointing directly at the two heroes.
CROW: [ Death Egg ] Hi, how ya doin'?
> There was no time to stop and
> think, so it was extremely fortunate that Knuckles already had a plan.
> "Follow me." He began to run towards the Death Egg.
MIKE: This is another one of those "not very good, but a plan nonetheless",
isn't it?
TOM: So as long as they're doing *something*, it doesn't *matter* if it's
moronic or not!
> "Are you crazy??" Sonic yelled after him. Looking forwards he
> realised his eyes simply couldn't put the Death Egg's size in contrast
> with Knuckles'.
TOM: Or they were just lazy.
> It seemed Knuckles should have reached the Egg several
> metres ago, and yet he just kept running, getting smaller and smaller.
CROW: He's the Incredible Shrinking Echidna!
> "Follow me!" Knuckles shouted again, and kept running. Sonic
> could hardly see him now against the colossal Death Egg, but the eyes
> were beginning to glow again. Sonic had no choice.
MIKE: The only thing on the menu that he even liked was the French toast.
> He had to follow
> Knuckles, if only to save him. Running on the spot, Sonic picked up just
> enough speed and shot forwards. He gritted his teeth and ran faster. The
> Death Egg's eyes were glowing brighter still.
TOM: But what is it using its X-ray vision *for*?
> Soon he caught up with
> Knuckles.
> "Knuckles, what are you doing?"
MIKE: [ Knuckles ] My contraband shipment of cheese arrives any minute now.
> "Sonic, does that Power Ring have any power left in it at all?"
> Sonic took out the Power Ring and looked at the dull light it
> was emitting. "A tiny bit. Why?"
TOM: [ Knuckles ] My Palm's battery just ran out.
> Without answering, Knuckles snatched it away from Sonic. He kept
> running until he was about to reach one of the Death Egg's huge eyes,
> which was almost a hundred times taller than he was. Lifting the Ring
> into the air Knuckles brought his fist down into the eye.
CROW: [ Death Egg ] Ow!! What the hell was *that* for?!
MIKE: [ Curly imitation ] Woop-woop-woop-woop!
> As the Power
> Ring flashed, all its remaining power was channelled down Knuckles' arm
> and into his fist.
TOM: Which promptly exploded.
> The resultant force sent the Death Egg rolling
> backwards, just as it fired. The energy bolt flew up into the sky and
> vanished as it hit the planet's atmosphere.
CROW: Good lord, what did the poor ozone layer do to deserve *that*?
> The Death Egg crashed into a huge rock. The rock bashed a large
> dent in the side of the Egg, and sent it rolling back towards Sonic and
> Knuckles. They leaped out of the way and the Egg rolled into the sea.
MIKE: 20,000 Omelettes Under the Sea.
> A
> vast wave began to grow as the Egg rolled through the sea. The wave
> splashed down on South Island.
> At that moment, the Super Emeralds helped again.
CROW: Did they help before?
MIKE: Well, they *did* put the Floating Island back together.
CROW: Yeah, so? I could do that with some time and some SuperGlue.
TOM: It did help, Crow! It... ah... Help me out here, Mike!
MIKE: Well... I think it made Knuckles feel better.
TOM: There, see? A morale boost!
> With another
> burst of power they centred all of their energy on one point: the centre
> of Angel Island.
CROW: Oh, and now they're just gonna destroy it again! Sheesh.
> Something began to form in the middle of all the light:
> a new Master Emerald. Created from the combined powers of all six
> Emeralds, this was the most powerful yet.
MIKE: It could leap tall buildings in a... Sorry.
> The force sent the Death Egg
> rocketing backwards onto the island again.
TOM: Wait, what? Hang on, the Master Emerald's created on the island, and the
force *pulls* the Death Egg onto the island? Ow.
> The coloured lights began to
> merge together, forming an ugly grey oval, which began to slowly
> solidify.
TOM: This super-powerful Master Emerald is... an ugly gray oval?
MIKE: Come on! It should be iridescent with a bunch of facets all over it!
> As it did, the Floating Island began to rise out of the sea.
> As the Island shook, Sonic and Knuckles were thrown over the
> edge and down towards the sea. They landed unharmed,
CROW: "Landed" on the sea. Ch'yeah.
> but the Floating
> Island was till rising. They couldn't get back to it.
> "Sonic," Knuckles cried, "Robotnik is up there on Angel Island,"
> Knuckles cried. "I don't doubt he's already working out how to launch
> another attack on South Island!
TOM: Knuckles cried.
> We have to get up there somehow and stop
> him!"
TOM: Knuckles cried.
> The two of them swam towards South Island, and when they got
> there they found the wave the Death Egg had created had flooded the
> Island. It was waist-deep.
MIKE: That last sentence was an example of David's amazing eloquence.
> Wadeing across the beach and stopping by the
> parked Freedom Plane, Sonic and Knuckles wondered what they could do
> now. Robotnik had finally won.
TOM: Haven't we seen this same scene about fifteen times?
> Tails was sitting in the plane, crying. He had given up hope a
> long time ago.
ALL: So have we!
> Robotnik had the Super Emeralds, he's destroyed South
> Island, he'd roboticised the rest of Mobius and the Freedom Fighters'
> Empire was finally over.
> "What are we going to do, Sonic?" Tails asked, sadly.
CROW: [ Sonic ] Well, I'm planning to drown my sorrows with lots of *beer*.
MIKE: Is Sonic underage, do you think?
> "I don't know, little bro," Sonic replied. "I don't know."
> Everything was finished. Nothing anyone could do would stop Robotnik
> this time. He slumped backwards onto the side of the plane, unsure what
> to do next. The question was answered for him.
CROW: The plane told him what to do!
TOM: God appeared to him in his lunchmeat!
MIKE: Santa's coming down from heaven to make it all better!
> A bubble floated to the surface of the sea. Then another. But
> how? Since Robotnik's reign there were no fish left. They had all been
> roboticised.
MIKE: He roboticizes *fish*?! What would be the point to *that*?
CROW: Remember those "flying death guppies" Pearl mentioned earlier? Now think
"robot flying death guppies".
MIKE: "Flying death guppies"? Actually I *don't* remember that...
TOM: Anyway, the fish on this planet are probably just as smart as all the
other animals.
CROW: Which is to say, not much.
> The bubbles became more numerous, like a giant Jacuzzi.
> Sonic and Knuckles jumped out of the water as it got unbearably hot, and
> clung onto the plane. The sea was boiling.
MIKE: The sea was *pissed*!
> Then there was a huge
> explosion underwater, sending a vast geyser shooting upwards and
> splashing back down on the ocean again dramatically.
TOM: Those depth charges didn't have quite the effect Robotnik hoped for.
> From out of the waves emerged a new face.
CROW: Oh, I know this one! It's the author's self-insertion character, come to
save the world versus improbable odds!
TOM: Crow, don't worry. It's way too late in the story for a new character.
Author insertions always have the entire fanfic to themselves.
> It was Sonic.
CROW: So Sonic has mastered instantaneous teleportation!
> A golden
> Sonic.
CROW: And instantaneous body paint.
> It couldn't have been a Metallix because this Sonic had actual
> skin, and it also owned a pair of knuckles exactly like Knuckles', and
> twin tails which it was currently using to fly with. Its back was lined
> with golden spikes in Sonic's image, but its head was protected with
> Knuckles' head spikes. A large silver axe was strapped to its waist. In
> its hands the figure held the original Master Emerald.
[ A long pause, and then everyone starts giggling. ]
MIKE: A golden Sonic with pointy knuckles and tails?
CROW: Genetic splicing has gone too far this time!
TOM: Hah, that sounds like a character a... twelve-year-old... fan would...
make up. Oh, yeah.
CROW: That silver axe is pretty cool, though.
> The figure looked at Sonic, Knuckles and Tails for an instant,
MIKE: [ figure ] Daddies?
> then shot off towards the Floating Island. The heroes on the beach were
> astonished by its speed. It was as fast as Sonic even in the air.
TOM: You know, if you imagine this stuff as being spoken by Stephen Hawking,
it's a lot more entertaining.
CROW: Hey, what isn't?
> It
> flew towards the centre of Angel Island, where it opened a door in the
> side of the Death Egg and flew inside.
MIKE: [ figure ] Candy-gram!
>
> Doctor Ivo Robotnik watched with glee as his new henchman
> entered the control room. Now that he had the Master Emerald he would be
> able to power-up the Super Emeralds again, and Mobius would be his! It
> was a simple plan,
TOM: Simple plans for simple people.
> and yet it couldn't possibly fail!
MIKE: Except when it does, which should be happening any minute now.
> "MetalAxe," Robotnik greeted the golden hedgehog. "I see you
> have the Emerald. Follow me." MetalAxe nodded and followed his Master.
CROW: He followed his master while holding the Master. Hee hee!
> They stepped into the power chamber again. There the six Super
> Emeralds sat in a large ring, mounted on a metal platform. The Super
> Emeralds were no longer emitting light.
TOM: They were emitting dark.
CROW: Turn off the darklight so I can see!
> In the centre of the ring of
> Emeralds was one empty slot, slightly larger than the others. Robotnik
> pointed to the slot, and MetalAxe carried the Master Emerald towards it.
MIKE: [ MetalAxe ] Hmm, what am I supposed to do with this? Oh, *thanks*.
> As soon as he had fitted the Master Emerald in the centre of the ring,
> they could feel its power filling the room. Robotnik flicked a switch in
> the wall and the Master Emerald's power was channelled along a series of
> wires.
CROW: The wires caught fire, and the rest of the Death Egg followed suit.
> The whole room lit up with the energy, the round metal platform
> the most. The wires touched the Super Emeralds, which began to glow with
> their former power. Then something happened that Robotnik hadn't
> expected.
TOM: The Emeralds just sort of popped.
MIKE: The Emeralds put on a dance number!
> The Master Emerald rose into the air, and began to spin. Small
> balls of energy floated out of each Super Emerald, in the colour of its
> Emerald. The pulsating balls began to rotate around the Master Emerald
> in a large ring. The same thing happened again, but this ring span in
> the opposite direction. The two sets of energy balls spinning round the
> Master Emerald was truly a beautiful sight to behold. The energy balls
> began to solidify.
CROW: Mike, you'll note that I made no comments about the spinning, pulsating
balls in the previous paragraph.
MIKE: Er, thank you.
> Twelve Chaos Emeralds were left, spinning around the Master,
MIKE: Who, incidentally, wILl NoT bE PleAsEd.
> which clearly had the Grey Emerald inside it now. Robotnik's eyes
> widened at the prospect.
TOM: [ Robotnik ] Du-hu-hu-hude!
> Chaos and Super Emeralds together at the same
> time. With the Grey Emerald drawing its power from the Master, Robotnik
> could do anything. Anything at all.
MIKE: He could keep library books and not pay the late fee!
>
CROW: So basically the Super Emeralds had no effect whatsoever, and, in fact,
still ended up helping Robotnik?
MIKE: Yup, looks that way.
TOM: At least they tried.
> 5
> The Crystal Egg
> The Death Egg began to fly again. As it flew into the air,
> Robotnik was blissfully unaware of
TOM: Most things, actually.
> the huge, grey oval Master Emerald
> that sat in the centre of Angel Island. Not that it mattered. With the
> powers of the Super Emeralds, the Chaos Emerald and the Master and Grey
> Emeralds combined, Robotnik could do anything he wanted.
CROW: He could watch adult cable channels without paying a cent!
> He had
> unlimited powers at his disposal.
> Sonic, Knuckles and Tails had climbed into the plane and were
> already flying away as the Death Egg moved into firing position.
ALL: Run away!!
> They
> had only one chance: find the Nightship.
TOM: The huh?
CROW: Oh yeah, the... thing they talked about a long time ago. ...Dang, this
story is long.
> Sonic just hoped the
> underground laboratories weren't destroyed in the earthquake.
> An immense pillar of bright white light exploded from the eyes
> of the Death Egg and smacked into Angel Island.
MIKE: Oh, this is that new really thick light I've heard about.
> Instantly it lost all
> colour and became transparent. Angel Island was changing into glass.
ALL: Huh?!
> The
> Freedom Plane flew out of the way as the glass Floating Island plummeted
> down to Mobius.
CROW: Robotnik can do anything with these Emeralds and he's turning Mobius
into *glass*?!
> There was an almighty splash as the Island landed in the sea,
> which changed to glass instantly. Droplets of water flew up into the air
> and landed as glass, shattering on the solid waves as the whole sea
> changed to glass.
TOM: Talk about a lack of vision! I'd turn the planet into *chocolate*,
myself.
> The plane stopped just above Knothole. Sonic, Knuckles and Tails
> could do nothing but watch as the glass spread out across South Island.
MIKE: Now, me, I'd turn the planet into a giant cheese baseball. You've got
the food thing, and the Wisconsin thing, and the sports thing.
> The destroyed trees of Greenhill Forest became transparent, and Sonic
> could see desperate workers running around under the glass, trying to
> get out. The vast, black and purple Nightship sat in the centre of the
> underground rooms.
MIKE: How about you, Crow?
CROW: Gold, all the way. Valuable, sufficiently shiny, and a monument to the
perfect color.
TOM: Second-perfect, next to red.
CROW: You wish, cherry boy.
> Sonic leapt out of the plane and curled up into a spin. Crashing
> into the glass, he felt it shatter beneath him.
MIKE: Oh, hey, I think something's happening.
CROW: Oh, right, right. Um... "Did you feel the glass move?"
> The scientists and
> mechanics scrambled out of the glass, trying to get away. A walrus
> bumped into Sonic as he left.
BOTS: Paul!!
> "Sorry, Sonic."
> "Rotor, run!" Sonic cried. The walrus was his chief mechanic and
> a good friend, but now everyone was equal in Sonic's mind.
MIKE: [ knowingly ] But some were more equal than others.
> "You have to
> help get everyone into the Nightship!"
> "Everyone?"
TOM: [ Rotor ] What is this concept of "everyone"?
> "Tell as many people as you can!" As Rotor ran off, Sonic heard
> the Freedom Plane land and Tails and Knuckles ran towards him.
CROW: [ Tails ] Sonic, Knuckles keeps hitting me! Make him stop!
TOM: [ Knuckles ] Tails started it!
MIKE: [ Sonic ] You two settle down or I'll turn this Nightship around.
> Sonic
> began to run towards the Nightship, but realised his feet had stuck to
> the floor slightly. Strange, he thought. He must have stepped in
> something.
MIKE: Strange, he thought. He was thinking in third person.
TOM: Thrill as Sonic steps in something! Gasp as he scrapes it off his shoe!
> As the glass spread out across the land, the inhabitants all
> running away from the glass wave.
CROW: Yeah, then what?
MIKE: Since dependent clauses cannot stand by themselves.
> "Sonic, almost every part of Robotropolis is made of glass,"
> Knuckles cried.
CROW: [ Robotnik ] Oops. Knew I forgot *something*.
TOM: He cried again.
> "It must be entirely glass by now," Tails added. Sonic looked
> around to see civilians running across the transparent sea, trying to
> reach South Island:
TOM: Hands of Fate.
CROW: The Gathering.
MIKE: Throne of Bhaal.
> the only area on Mobius still in its natural state.
> Within minutes hundreds of animals were all huddled together in one
> small space.
CROW: [ random Mobian ] Hey! No groping!
TOM: [ random Mobian ] Get your stinkin' paws off me, you damn dirty ape.
> The glass was coming in from all shores, and the space that
> was left was still decreasing.
> The three heroes ran across the clear, smooth ground towards the
> grassy area where the civilians were standing.
MIKE: [ Sonic ] Boy, we sure did a good job saving you all, didn't we?
> The area was only a few
> metres wide now. Within a few seconds, the last square centimetre of
> Mobius changed to glass, and the glass began to run up the civilians'
> legs.
CROW: So why didn't it do that when they were running across the sea?
TOM: Some sort of contrivance, that's all I know.
MIKE: The wave of glass can only handle one thing at a time. First the planet,
*then* the people. It has problems multitasking.
> A chipmunk tried to run but fell forwards, her legs firmly
> attached to the ground. The glass reached her fingertips in mid-fall,
> and all that was left of her was a petrified glass statue.
> Knuckles looked down at his own feet. To his horror he saw that
> they were already made from glass.
MIKE: [ just looks down at his feet; shivers a bit ]
> He heard a scream, and turned to see
> the glass was taking over Tails. Tails pointed his nose upwards as if
> trying to breathe in an enclosed room filling up with water. Then
> Knuckles watched the glass overcome Tails.
CROW: Gee, how lovingly David describes this young fox turning into glass.
> His glass body toppled
> forwards and landed on the glass floor, remarkably not shattering.
> Doctor Robotnik watched the whole spectacle through a large
> viewscreen in the Death Egg.
MIKE: [ Robotnik ] Hmm, perhaps I've overdone it a bit this time.
> He exploded into fits of evil laughter.
MIKE: Ew! Don't ask *me* to clean that up.
> He
> had finally done it. He had destroyed Mobius.
TOM: Except that it's still *right* *there*.
> It was now his Crystal Egg
> to do with what he pleased, and Sonic and Knuckles were about to die
> with it. Not only that, he would have a nice collection of glass statues
> to commemorate the day when Doctor Ivo Julian Robotnik triumphed over
> the Freedom Fighters.
MIKE: Three more and he'll have the whole set!
CROW: You can buy them on QVC for about twenty bucks apiece.
> MetalAxe flew out of the Death Egg and hovered over Mobius, the
> Doctor's laughter amplified by his built-in loudspeaker. As Sonic dived
> to catch Tails, he looked angrily up into the sky at the triumphant
> golden hedgehog.
CROW: [ Sonic ] I wonder how much I could sell that for...
> He could hear Robotnik's laughter echoing off every surface on
> the planet.
MIKE: He could hear it...
ALL: All too well.
>
>
> COMING IN PART 2
MIKE: Death, destruction, boredom, and annoying characters on both sides!
CROW: Hey, Sonic never died! No fair!
>
> In part 2 of The End of Mobius, coming soon to FanFics,
TOM: To "FanFics"? What the heck is a "FanFics"?
CROW: I dunno, some story archive desperate for a name?
> Sonic
> and the remaining Freedom Fighters are launched into space,
MIKE: And they meet up with the Power Rangers.
TOM: Watch it. We might get one of Mike Rossell's unedited works.
> where they
> must compete with MetalAxe once again.
CROW: "Again"? Did he do something besides float around that I missed?
> Part 2 can probably be found
> wherever you got part 1 from. You won't be disappointed.
MIKE: Considering our expectations, I don't think we will.
> THE FUTURE
TOM: Wall-mounted keyboards and zambonis!
CROW: One-eyed aliens and Mom's old fashioned robot oil!
MIKE: Evolved apes, guys with brains in pans, and omnipotent children!
> Watch out for the next five parts of the End of Mobius.
TOM: Watch out!! Here they come!! [ Everyone leaps to the ground. ]
> In those episodes we'll learn about Sonic's three children,
MIKE: I don't want to think about him reproducing.
CROW: I'm worried it might be with Amy.
> Sting: the
> Black Knuckles,
CROW: Of Fate.
> the Robotnikbot,
MIKE: Nikbotnikbotnikbot.
> the Space Destructor,
TOM: How can you "destruct" space? It's not there! It's space.
> and the final
> blast in the grand finale. This truly is the FanFics event of the
> century!
CROW: Gonna party like it's 2099!
>
MIKE: Pause for breath.
> Remember to E-Mail me on da...@bulmers.demon.co.uk
TOM: [ Dave ] This Internet thingy is great, isn't it?
> with your
CROW: Pet sheep, Lulu.
> comments, questions etc, and I'll read and acknowledge any flames too.
MIKE: At least he knows what to expect.
TOM: And he's accommodating.
CROW: Eeeew, don't say "accommodating".
> If you want your character to be included in a future FanFic,
MIKE: Tap your heels together three times and say, "There's no place like
FanFic!"
> Mail me
> with the character's description,
TOM: "My character is 'Dood'. He's a kewl dood."
> in detail please,
CROW: Doesn't he speak English?
> I need to know every
> detail of their background etc. Try and include a drawing of the
> character if there is such a thing. I love using new characters!
MIKE: [ David ] Copyright violation is fun!
> Thanks for reading The End of Mobius.
CROW: Yes, and thanks for biting me.
[ Everyone gets up to leave. ]
TOM: At least we didn't see an Omni Echidna.
MIKE: True, true.
[ They do, in fact, leave. ]
[ 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... ]
[ Satellite of Love. Every surface of the bridge, from the buttons to the desk
to the bone door on the back wall, is coated with a layer of--wait for
it--applesauce. Three beats. Enter Mike (squishing as he walks), mumbling to
himself and scribbling on a little pad of paper. ]
MIKE: [ mumbling ] ...and then multiply by a jar of honey, carry the guitar
string... [ He looks up and instantly recoils, tossing his pencil and
notepad across the bridge. ] Gyaah!! Crow! Tom! Gypsy!
[ Enter Crow, dressed up as MetalAxe, from the story. He's got the spines on
his back, two tails sticking up behind him, and a (cardboard) silver axe
tied to his torso. It actually looks pretty neat. ]
CROW: Hi, Mike. Well, it turns out I'm MetalAxe, so--yaagh!! What the heck
happened here, Nelson?
MIKE: I don't know! I just showed up! You didn't do it?
CROW: No-sir-ee-bob. I was planning to do a sketch where I dressed up as
MetalAxe, as is evidenced by my costume.
MIKE: And a very good costume it is, as well. Now to get to the bottom of
this...
CROW: I dunno, I saw Servo running around looking nervous.
MIKE: Ah, of course. Tom? Tom, honey?
[ Enter Tom, looking as guiltily nervous as a basically inanimate robot can. ]
TOM: Uh, hi, Mike! How're you doin'? Yesiree, everything's just fine! No
problems with me! Things're just plain hunky-dunk-diddley-do--
MIKE: What is going on here?!
TOM: [ breaks down under Mike's relentless interrogation ] I didn't mean to!
It was an accident! It was Crow's idea! Don't hurt me!
CROW: Hey!
MIKE: Look, calm down! What did you do?
TOM: I was playing around <sniff>, with the Super Emeralds in back <sniff>,
and before I knew it, I'd, I'd, I'd turned the entire satellite into
applesauce!
CROW: We have Super Emeralds?
TOM: Who doesn't?
MIKE: Um. Cambot, Rocket #9, please.
[ A quick shot of the SOL exterior. Yep, the SOL looks like it's been dipped
in a bucket of applesauce. ]
[ Back to the bridge ]
MIKE: Dahh! How did you *do* that?!
TOM: I told ya, Super Emeralds.
MIKE: Well... Say, where's Gypsy?
TOM: Ooh, bad news about her.
[ Enter Gypsy, covered with still more applesauce. The produce bill for this
episode would be astronomical. ]
GYPSY: Please let me kill him, Mike. Please please please please *please* let
me kill him.
MIKE: Hold off, okay? Tom's going to clean up this mess right away, even if it
takes him until Pearl and the gang send End of Mobius part 2.
TOM: Oh, man!
[ The Mads Light flashes. ]
MIKE: [ taps it with a squish ] Hi, Mrs. F. What's up?
GYPSY: I'll go get him the mop.
CROW: So much for *my* sketch, I guess. Thanks a lot, Servo.
[ Castle Forrester. Half a dozen peculiar things are stacked in a huge
pile--among them a gray basketball with wings on it, a portable toilet with
helicopter blades on top, a funnel connected to a tube connected to a car
battery, and an empty box of Pop-Tarts. Observer and Bobo are sitting in old
chairs around the pile, while Pearl stands in front of it all, facing the
screen. ]
PEARL: Hello, my dear--my capti--um--you do know you're--right. Well, anyway.
We're just about to carry out my third plan for conquering the known
civilizations of the universe: the launch of the Ultrasonic Death
Attack Bomb! The threat of this thing hanging over the world will force
everyone to submit to my--
BOBO: Um, Lawgiver? I was using the Ultradeath Thingy to hold my banana
collection, and they got a little brown...
PEARL: ...Err, okay, then, plan D! We'll use the time-traveling Chron-o-John
to go back and place me in--
OBSERVER: We need a huge diamond to run the Chron-o-John, Madam.
PEARL: The cubic zirconium won't work?
OBSERVER: [ sigh ] Not unless you *want* tentacles controlling the world,
Pearl.
BOBO: What's a tentacle?
PEARL: Okay, okay, fine. How about the Uber-Electric Siphon?
OBSERVER: You'd need to place that in the core of the earth.
PEARL: The Mind-Melding Hypnosis Pastries?
BOBO: Is that what those were? They were delicious! Do you have any more--
OBSERVER: [ holds out his hand toward Bobo ] Sleep.
[ Bobo immediately passes out and collapses on the floor. ]
PEARL: [ starting to panic ] Uh, how about my ServeBot crew?!
OBSERVER: Some guy called Yamcha Hibiki stole them.
PEARL: The Vampiric Radish Squad?!
OBSERVER: Bobo ate it.
PEARL: My Mutated Poisonous Freakish Green Blobs?!
OBSERVER: Bobo ate *those*, too, strangely.
PEARL: But, but, but... [ begins to tear up ] I just wanna rule the world!!
How come everybody hates me so much?
OBSERVER: Ohh, there, there, Pearl. We don't hate you--well, of course we do,
but not in that *way*. Oh, come here.
[ Observer holds his arms out, and Pearl tentatively walks over and hugs him.
Then they both realize who's still watching. ]
PEARL: Aack!
OBSERVER: Gah!
PEARL: Get outta here, you stupid peeping toms! [ punches the camera out ]
[ For a split second, all that is visible is a massive close-up on Pearl's
right hook; then we cut to black. ]
[ End theme music. ]
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of the MSTing
-- Shay Caron
E-mail: glee...@aol.com
Web site: http://protection.keenspace.com/
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters and situations are
trademarks of and (c) Best Brains, Inc. All rights reserved. Use of
copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment purposes only;
no infringement on the original copyrights or trademarks held by Best
Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred.
"End of Mobius" is (c) David Bulmer (and he's welcome to it). I'm not
repeating myself regarding infringement, so just see above. Many thanks to
him for not only allowing me to MST his story, but bringing it to my
attention in the first place! He's cool.
This MSTing is purely intended for entertainment and is not meant as an
insult. I'd never want to insult David, who's very pleasant--and patient!
Sorry it took three years to do this MSTing! If anyone's gonna be
insulted, it ought to be me!
Thanks go to Natalie Port and Ethan Gordon, my two great friends who provided
more riffs and ideas than I could've hoped for. Ethan wrote that host
segment about the new shoes a loooong time ago, and Natalie helped me
figure out what Mike would turn Mobius into. Now visit Natalie's web site:
http://mariposa.keenspace.com/ !
"Who's Yamcha Hibiki?" "Indeed, can we ever really know who Yamcha Hibiki is?"
Well, maybe this will help. http://yamcha.keenspace.com/
-and- http://comicollage.keenspace.com/
Sonic the Hedgehog MSTings! http://www.rpi.edu/~nebusj/sth3k/ ! Go there!
Joseph Nebus is incomparably cool!
I did a test just recently. The final result was that it takes around 291
licks to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop. It was a cherry-flavored one;
I don't know if that matters.
My MSTing of part 1 of "End of Mobius" was proofread by these folks:
Natalie Port ( nini...@hotmail.com ) and
Jesse Shearer ( ambasos...@hotmail.com ).
If there's anything wrong, blame them. Rebo1234 and Nick Clark wanted to
help, but they didn't have the spare time; I understand, guys, and thanks
anyway! Oh, and this is for you, Jesse: "groinal fungus". Everyone else,
don't ask.
Finally, thanks to the world for existing. Couldn't have done it without ya.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Bee) Stinger:
> "Omni!" Charmy exclaimed. "Boy, am I glad to see you! Why, you
> can fly us outta here before we can say whoops-diddley! There goes my
> behind!" But the Omni-Viewer didn't reply.
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