mst3k: MARK-OF-THE-BEA$T bar-code$/scanner$
Robert Everett Brunskill
<Fade in, lights Sat. of Love are dim, the scientist light is flashing,
Joel walks in, half asleep (yes he still has the jump suit on).>
Joel: Huh? What is it sirs? It's 3 AM on a school night.
Dr.F(wide awake): We know Joel, it's a bad time, but this just couldn't wait.
Joel: Can't this wait?
Dr.F: NO! I already said that! And wake the bots too, this is important!
Joel: Are you bringing us down or something?
Dr.F: Maybe.
Joel: Really! Wow! Right away sir!
Dr.F: Frank, while he's doing that you go get the...
Frank: ZZZzzzzzzz.....
Dr.F: FRANK! Wake up!
Frank: ZZZzzzzzzz..... mee mee mee mee mee ZZZzzzzzzz.....
<SOL is completely decked out in 'Welcome Home' banners (who's going
where here?!), bright crepe paper, etc. The bots have party hats, but
look as tired as they can be for bots (but Gypsy is wide awake).>
Joel: Ok sirs, we're ready!
Gypsy: Weeeeeaaoaaaoooooo!
Crow: AAAAHHHH!!!! Right in my ear!
Tom: Joel, are you sure about this?
Frank<out of view>: AHHHH!!!!!
Dr.F: Oh, Joel! Why so dressed up?
Tom: Joel, this can't really...
Joel: Well, you said sir that...
Dr.F: Oh yes! That! Well, we have one last experiment here, and then, well...
Joel: Yay! We're going home! We're going home!
Gypsy: Weeeeeaaoaaaooooo! <lights flash, Joel dances around>
Crow: Yay. Yippie. Wooho. Yay. (can you tell he's excited?)
Tom: Joel, I'm not so sure...
Dr.F: As I was saying my little Nemos, there is one last experiment.
Joel: Well, what is it? Bring it on! We're ready!
Crow: To sleep.
Dr.F: Tell 'em Frank.
Frank: ZZZzzzzzzz.....
Dr.F: Um, Frank's a little busy at the moment, so I guess I'll tell you.
We found it on rec.music.newage.
Joel: REALLY? What is it? An alblum review? Concert dates?
Dr.F: Well, no, it's a Robert McElwaine post.
Joel and All: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Crow: I think I'd rather stay up here Joel.
Tom: Wait a minute? McElwaine on music? What is it about? Subliminal
messages?
Dr.F: Don't worry, it has nothing to do with music. Nothing to really
do with anything in fact. Frank...
Frank: ZZZzzzzzzzzz.....
Dr.F: Er, I'm forwarding it to you now.
Joel: Well, look at it this way guys, at least it's our last one!
Gypsy: Waaaoaaaaaaooooo!
Crow: Ah! Right in my ear!
Tom: You know Joel, I'm not so sure that...
<lights start flashing>
Joel: AHH! We've got meaage sign!
>>>In rec.music.newage,
Tom: Tonight from the 'Hearts of Space' Bay Area artist R. McElwaine,
performing a synthisied rendition of 'They're Coming to Take Me Away'.
>>> mce...@cnsvax.uwec.edu entertains:
Joel: Oh, even I wouldn't go that far!
Crow: Calm down Joel.
> MARK-OF-THE-BEA$T bar-code$/scanner$
Crow: And international currency symbols...
> ALL Christians are PROHIBITED
Joel: By law from removing this tag!
Crow: I'll never be able to sleep with al these caps.
> by Revelation 14:9-11 from
> cooperating with the "MARK-OF-THE-BEA$T" bar-code, OCR-
> number, and magnetic-strip scanning systems, etc.,
Tom: Gee, I didn't know they _had_ bar-code scanners back then.
Crow: Which commandment is that anyways?
Joel: I think it's the 'lost eleventh' commandment.
> (as found
> in local libraries,
Tom: Gee, must make attempts to check out a Bible pretty tough.
> supermarkets, retail establishments,
Crow: and finer book and record stores everywhere.
> etc.), which also THREATEN to SUBVERT Individual Privacy and
> Freedom.
Joel: I know what he means. Every time they scan the prices off my
groceries, I feel so betrayed.
> The scanners can serve THE SAME CRIMINAL PURPOSE as the
> TV cameras in the book "1984"!
Tom: Who knows what evil lurks in the minds of scanners....
Crow: Joel, when was that book published?
Joel: Which book Crow?
Crow: 1984?
Joel: Which book?
Crow: 1984!
Joel: Why did you even bother asking?
Crow: I don't know.
Joel: Third base!
> The UPC bar-codes are probably the most blatant form of
Joel: Disregard for human safety.
> the "MARK OF THE BEA$T" so far, with the "NUMBER OF THE
> BEA$T", 666,
Crow: 668, neigbor of the beast.
Joel: 667, the folks across the street.
Tom: 664, the friends on the other side.
Crow: 66-stupid, this post.
> ALREADY CODED INTO THEM. Each of the so-called
> "guard patterns", pairs of thin lines spaced close together
> at the beginning, middle, and end
Tom: Yep, that about describes a UPC symbol doesn't it?
> of each full-length UPC
> bar-code, is IDENTICAL to one of the two codes for a 6.
Crow: Oh, sure, but what about the other four possible two codes for
three sixes?
Tom: Two four six eight, who do we all really hate?
All: McElwaine! McElwaine! McElwaaaaiiiinnnneeee!
Joel: Oh, I don't know...
> The "MARKED" ID-card
Tom: I thought we were talking about UPC symbols.
> is ONLY ONE STEP AWAY
Joel: From disaster!
> from the
> WRIST-TATTOO!
Joel: Gee, I knew fasions were taking some weird turns, but this is
rediculous!
> MICRO-CHIP IMPLANTS might be used in place of tattoos.
>
Crow: Or in place of your brain.
>
> WARN YOUR FRIENDS
Tom: ABOUT ME!
> !
>
> UN-altered REPRODUCTION
Joel: Uh oh guys, we're in trouble...
> and DISSEMINATION of this
> IMPORTANT Information is ENCOURAGED.
>
Tom: And great fun at parties!
>
> Robert E. McElwaine
Crow: McCloud!
Joel: Gee, that was a short one for him. I guess we're done.
Tom: Let's get out of here, please!
1...2...3...4...5...6...G
Joel: Well guys, I think that one was fairly straight forward and
educational. Any questions about it?
Tom: Uh, yeah Joel. I guess the biggest thing on my mind is how the
writers of the Bible knew that scanners, and other electronic devices
were sinful, even though they didn't exist back then?
Joel: Well, you see Tom, the book of Revelations is just that, and
almost the entire content of the book consist of things that God
revealed to some of his disciples about the future.
Tom: Uh huh...
Joel: In addition recent archaeological digs in the middle east have
uncovered previously known books, and older, lost, sections of known
books. For instance, they recently found sections detailing an
additional twenty-three commandments, seven of which...
Crow: Uh Joel, not to interrupt your _interesting_ little lecture there,
but I have a few questions.
Joel: Go ahead Crow.
Crow: Ok, first off, why does he use excessive CAPITAL LETTERS?
Joel: Well, um, uh...
Crow: Why does he use all the dollar signs in place of S's? How were TV
cameras ,or TV CAMERAS as the case may or may not be, involved in
criminal activity in 1984, the year not the book, why wasn't 1984 like
1984, and why are there two codes for six?
Joel: Uh,... well,...
Crow: Can I go back to sleep now?
Joel: Yeah, go ahead. Oh! The Mads are calling! Well sirs, what do you think?
Dr.F: Good work Joel, see you tomorrow.
Joel: Wait! What about bringing us down?
Dr.F: Oh that? I lied.
Tom: I knew it Joel! I tried to warn you but you wouldn't listen!
Joel: But why? What did we do? What did we get wrong?
Dr.F: Oh, nothing, it was just a ruse to get you out of bed at such a
rediculous hour. If I was going to have insomnia I figured there was no
reason why you shouldn't suffer as well. Push the button Frank.
Frank: ZZZzzzzzzz......
Dr.F: Frank!
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<Frank: AAAAAHHHH!!!!>
Roll Credits....
Hope you enjoyed it,
Rob Brunskill
Disclaimer: I have no idea who's oppinions these are.