[MiSTied] [MST] TEST- Run a BBS? Want full Internet for $24.95/mo?
Roger M. Wilcox
AHEM! It seems that the WONDERFUL WORLD OF Pnews decided to eat my first
attempt at posting this to all you lovely people, so I'm trying a second
time. This is not my first MST, but is *IS* my first attempt at a kind of
MSTing I don't think has ever been done here before.
So, sit back and relax, for in a moment your hair will be standing on
end as your stomach reels from the impact of:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
MYSTERY USENET THEATER 3000 THEATER 3000
MIKE: Hi everybody, welcome to the Satellite of Love; Crow and I are
playing a sudden-death game of Boogers on the [booming voice]
Iiiinformaaaation Suuuuperhiiiiighway.
CROW: [In front of his PC] Ha, take that!
MIKE: [Looking at his own PC] Hey, you jumped my booger!
TOM: Uh, you know, since you're in the same room, you two don't HAVE
to be connected together through the Sierra Network.
CROW: Ha hah, one more booger and you're history, Mike!
MIKE: [hero voice] It will be the hardest booger you'll ever take!
TOM: You *could* just get out a checkerboard and play it here on
the table, since Boogers is nothing more than checkers with
icky green graphics.
MIKE: Made it! King me!
CROW: King *this*!
TOM: The Sierra Network charges an hourly connection fee, guys.
CROW: Come on Mike, you're cornered, admit defeat and I'll make your
death quick and painless.
MIKE: Never!
[Tom shakes his transparent head and hovers out-of-frame as we fade
to a commercial]
PENN: Lucy and Ethel, Thelma and Louise, and now, Patsy and Edina!
They're all part of ... A Chorus Line.
PATSY: \
EDINA: > ONE! Singular sensation, ev'ry little step SHE takes!
[Back on the S. of L.]
CROW: Hah, I knew you couldn't withstand the Double Reverse Indian
Opening strategy! And they said Bobby Fisher was the greatest!
MIKE: Okay, one more game -- but this time, I'm playing Green!
[Suddenly the power goes out on both their PCs]
MIKE: \
CROW: > Hey!
GYPSY: [entering stage right] You two put our phone bill way too high
last month. You've had enough onlining for today.
MIKE: \
CROW: > Awww ...
TOM: Hey, guys, wanna play checkers?
MIKE: Checkers?!
CROW: Oh, come on, Tom, that is SO old-fashioned!
[red light flashes]
TOM: Oh, uh oh, Pinky and the Brain are calling. [beaks red button]
[Deep 13]
DR. F: Well, Milk, are you and your scrawny little friends enjoying
our nation's loosely-connected modem network?
[S of L]
MIKE: Greatly.
CROW: Truly.
MIKE: Immensely.
[Deep 13]
DR. F: Good. Then you'll enjoy this week's experiment.
[S of L]
MIKE: Oh no!
TOM: Not another Spam!
CROW: Not another diatribe about the Wonders of the Internet!
[Deep 13]
DR. F: Worse. Tell me, have any of you ever heard of the practice
of ... MiSTing?
[S of L]
[Mike and the bots look at each other quizzically for two or three
counts.]
TOM: Uh, no...
MIKE: Should we have?
[Deep 13]
TV'S FRANK: [walking in from stage left] MiSTing? Is that the setting
on the iron where it blows steam on your clothes?
DR. F: No, that's called the steam se-- FRANK, YOU DUNDERHEAD! MiSTing
is what our captives do every week to try and diminish the horrors
of the UseNet posts we send them!
FRANK: So you're not going to help with the ironing, then?
DR. F: *WILL* you get your <grphl mmbl> [shooes Frank away]! Anyway,
Nelson, your experiment this week is some *other* poor, deprived
soul's first "test" attempt at MiSTing another UseNet post. It's
about love, and greed, and murder, and --
FRANK: [out of frame] I thought it was about an Internet connection
service.
DR. F: -- And murder, and I'm going to murder *you*, Frank, and ...
Chad.
[S of L]
TOM: Chad? You mean the confetti-like stuff that card punches make?
[Deep 13]
DR. F: Precisely. Enjoy. ... Not.
[S of L]
[all lights flash]
MIKE: Oh no, we've got posting sign!
...
6
...
5
...
4
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3
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2
...
vault door
...
>From: cgo...@gate.net (Soundwave [ASTEK])
>Subject: [MST] TEST- Run a BBS? Want full Internet for $24.95/mo?
>Date: 13 Jan 1995 05:01:40 GMT
>Organization: Elmo's Mud Wrestling Club
CROW: My loins will never stir again.
>Lines: 270
>Distribution: world
>NNTP-Posting-Host: seminole.gate.net
>X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.2 PL2]
CROW: Mike, why does it say "X" newsreader?
MIKE: I think it has something to do with Charles Xavier.
>
>I've decided to TRY and MST it. It's probably not funny. It doesn't even
>include an opening skit, because, hey, I'm a novice, and can't afford
>the sets. <puff puff>
MIKE: [personal training instructor] If you can't afford the sets,
you don't deserve a hot date.
> Here it goes....
>
>WARNING: This is a test MST. Anything that happens is not my fault.
TOM: Oh great, first the warning labels on McDonald's apple pies,
now this.
MIKE: Is there *anything* you can't sue somebody for these days?
>Sorry for not calling dibs, either. (:
CROW: That's okay, she was away from the phone.
>
>------------------------------------------------------------
><entering theatre>
>
>BBS AMERICA (bbs.a...@loa.com) wrote:
>
>TOM: SPAMming the American way!
MIKE: Boy, this feels weird.
TOM: Tell me about it. That guy up there looks just like me.
CROW: Only without the age spots.
TOM: D'oh! Crow, you little!
>
>: Hello there! Right about now you're probably wondering just what it is
>: you've gone and downloaded.
>
>CHAD: Hey! I happen to LIKE SPAM!
><chorus> SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM....
MIKE: ... Chad?
>
>Well, first off, I'll be honest with you...
>CROW: We want your money.
TOM: I put it in my underwear.
CROW: Hey, I do not!
TOM: Say, is that Timmy up there, spray painted gold?
>
>: if you're not a SysOp, it's more than likely just something to upload
CROW: ... with a shovel.
>: to various BBSes for the credit.
>
>CROW: Yeah, this will give you a lot of credit in the modem world!
>CHAD: Zay you are at a party, and you run out of posting ideas...
MIKE: WHO is CHAD?!
>
>: But, if you're a SysOp then you have
>: heard all the rage about the Internet that's come up recently. I'll bet
>
>TOM: Yeah, it's like, cool, man, you get to do this surfing, and get to talk
>to nuns in some foreign country...
>ALL: SHUT UP!
>TOM: Then, you get to log in to the superhighway, and like get to talk
>to all these people, and oh yes, there's a way to get files and stuff,
>and it's all real cool...
>ALL: SHUT UP!
>TOM: Okay, okay...
TOM: [sobbing] Oh why, oh why are you all against me?!?
MIKE: Hey, c'mon, Tom, cheer up, it's only a UseNet post.
>
>: you even considered looking into getting full access Internet for your
>: own system! Well, more than likely you eventually realized that full
>
>CHAD: But then you realized that you had to do more then click a button, so
>you settled for Prodigy instead!
TOM: Oof!
CROW: Ding!
TOM: That hurt!
MIKE: But who's Chad?
>
>: access Internet was way too expensive for your BBS to support.... Until
>: now.
>
>CHAD: <Patrick Stewart voice>... with dual airbags and standard anti-lock
>brakes, it makes saftey affordable...
CROW: Speaking of air bags...
MIKE: BUT WHO IS --
TOM: [whispering to Mike] Chad's the name of the guy who posted this!
>
>: Log On America
>
>ALL: To Anacreon in Heaven....
MIKE: \
TOM: > Hallowed be thy name.
CROW: /
>
>: is now offering full access internet for any BBS in the
>: nation for the amazingly low price of $24.95 per month. That's right,
>
>CHAD: Apply now, and get 0% interest, low monthly payments, and a brand
>new toaster oven!
MIKE: Does the toaster run Unix?
TOM: No, no, this is a toaster OVEN.
MIKE: Oh.
CROW: Yeah, all the toaster ovens *I've* ever seen run VMS.
>
>: this is no joke...
>
>TOM: That must mean Gallagher is doing the routines.
MIKE: Or Chad is.
TOM: Hey, easy there, Mike -- not too cruel.
>
>: All you need is a BBS and at least 2 modems... It's
>
>CHAD: User competence not included.
CROW: Oh, and I suppose you want a little clown to come out and show
you where your file is!
>
>: simple, you merely set up the transport door
>
>CHAD: Hey Snotty, beam me up to the Iway!
>CROW: Aggh! My head is on backwards!
>TOM: My God! I didn't realize that my ass on the I-way was so big!
MIKE: Ooh, a Spaceballs reference!
TOM: And a Highwayman reference, too!
CROW: [Australian accent] Hey, 'ighway! What say we go next door and
see what Glenn's doing on the Knight Rider set?
>
>: (included as CST54.ZIP) to
>
>TOM: CST54? What's that?
>CROW: Cellular Snooping Tracker?
MIKE: Cruddy System Tolerance?
CROW: Can't Stay Taut?
TOM: CyST?
>TOM: Coke and Snapple Tart?
CROW: Coke? Sure, I'll have a root beer!
TOM: Now don't YOU start!
>CHAD: No, it's the Coat and Socks of Torgo.
MIKE: Who's Torgo?
>CROW: AGGGH!!!!
>TOM: Chad, that was lame.
>CROW: Lame or not, I wouldn't want to unzip it!
CROW: Oooh, baby, I sure *would* like to unzip --
MIKE: Not one more word, Crow.
>
>: Run from your BBS software.
>
>TOM: Once installed, I would too!
TOM: [makes a rim-shot sound effect] Ba doom, ching!
>CHAD: Argh, two bad zingers in a row...
CROW: Dolly Madison will never recover.
>CROW: Do you realize that no one's going to get this one?
TOM: \
MIKE: > Yes, we realize that!
CROW: /
>CHAD: Oh, they will. It's just baaaaddddd...
MIKE: Or just Chaaaaddddd...
>
>: Once you contact us
CROW: Your current love life will never seem adequate again!
>
>CROW: And get ripped off.
TOM: Ouch, that *would* make one's love life seem inadequate, wouldn't it?
>
>: we will give you the
>: LOCAL phone number that you will need and set up your account.
>
>TOM: Ah, there's the catch! You need a LOCAL phone number!
>CROW: They're going to run your bill sky high!
MIKE: From a local phone number?
TOM: No, no, the bill on your duck. While it's flying. Sky high.
MIKE: Ah.
>CHAD: <shall we play again?>
CROW: [computer voice] How about a nice game of chess?
>
>: Here's how it works.
>
>CHAD: As instructed by Tim Allen.
>TOM: Or Leslie Nielson.
TOM: Or Mike Nelson.
MIKE: Hey!
CROW: Repeat after me, Mike: You can't build robots.
>
>: Your users call your BBS as normal, when they run
>: the Cyberspace Transporter door,
>
>CHAD: Billy Idol?
TOM: Naw, just buzzword-laden treknobabble.
MIKE: Isn't Cyberspace a registered trademark of William Gibson or
something?
CROW: It should be. At least then, it wouldn't get abused so much.
>
>: it will have your user wait while it dials
>: Log On America.
>
>TOM: <tick, tock, tick, tock>
>CHAD: Time is a one-way street... except in Log On America.
>
>: Your user will then get full access to Telnet, FTP, Finger,
>
>CROW: Yeah, they'll be wanting to give the Finger to Log On America a
>lot!
>TOM: D'oh!
>CHAD: Now, now...
>
>: Whois, World Wide Web. Using the Telnet client, your users can access IRC,
>: MUDs, schools, libraries, and more!
>
>CHAD: Government military organizations!
>CROW: Advertising networks!
>TOM: Porn and pirate files!
CROW: Silly string!
TOM: White corpuscles!
CROW: The Swedish meatball -- one hundred percent space technology!
>
>: With FTP, millions of files from all
>: over the world become available!
>
>CHAD: Great shareware programs!
>CROW: Astronomical data!
>TOM: Porn and pirate files!
>ALL: TOM!
CROW: Yeah, Tom, that was supposed to be MY line!
>
>: Easy-to-use hypertext interfaces make
>: surfing the Internet simple with Gopher
>: and the World Wide Web!
>
>TOM: But with Log On America, your hypertext slows down to impulse
>power!
MIKE: Was that an OS/2 3.0 reference?
>
>: You can
>: find out information about both people and systems with the Finger and
>: Whois clients!
>
>CHAD: Whois J. Edgar Hoover... no, that didn't work.
>TOM: Gee, this Internet thing's not all it's cracked up to be.
CROW: No no no no no, you're supposed to FINGER J. Edgar Hoover!
TOM: He'd probably enjoy it, too.
MIKE: You mean his 20-years-dead corpse would.
TOM: He's not dead, he's just metabolically challenged, and has as much
right to wear a dress as any living mafia-ruled head-of-the-FBI would.
>
>: For as much time as you care to allow them...
>
>CROW: Oh, now all these cheap sysops will squeeze time down to the
>bottom.
>CHAD: But who would want it?
>TOM: <singing> Time keeps on slipping, slipping, slipping, slipping
>away...
TOM: ... into the FU-ture!
MIKE: I want to fly like an eagle ... in the sea....
CROW: I thought it went "wrapped up like a douche".
>
>: Then, when
>: the user types EXIT, the software will drop carrier
TOM: \
MIKE: > Eeeeewwwwwwww!!!
CROW: /
>
>CHAD: That's a lot of punishment for typing one word, isn't it?
>CROW: Could be worse- could feed you SPAM!
>
>: and return control to
>: your BBS -- without the user EVER SEEING Log On America.
>
>ALL: THANK GOD!
CROW: You're welcome.
>
>: It's that easy!
>
>TOM: Some assembly required.
TOM: Yeah, you'd think they'd've heard of compilers by now.
>CHAD: That means a lot of time to set up the system, right?
>CROW: Unless you're Macguyver.
>
>: For more information or to sign up, you can contact us by any of the
>: following:
>
>TOM: You know, I can't believe that people actually make such posts to
>the Internet.
CROW: I won't touch that one with a ten-foot pole.
TOM: [puzzling] Hey, wait a minute, you can't "post" something to the
Internet. That's like "posting" something to the telephone system.
MIKE: Well, some people use "Usenet" and "Internet" interchangeably.
>CHAD: Actually, this happens quite frequently. Some business becomes
>overzealous and thinks that it is ok to post advertisements in a group
>such as rec.arts.tv.mst3k.
CROW: Ooh, yeah, I just *hate* it when JulieWa talks about her T-shirts!
MIKE: No, no, Crow, those are *good* advertisements.
>TOM: And what happens next?
MIKE: \
TOM: > Yes! Tell us! What happens next?!
CROW: /
>
>: Phone: (401)453-6100 M-F 9a-5p EST
MIKE: \
TOM: > Oh.
CROW: /
>
>CHAD: Well, generally, after a couple of mailbombs, they get taken off
>the system.
>TOM: But that doesn't explain why people do it! If they are going to get
>caught...
>
>: Fax: (401)459-6222
TOM: Yes, if you get caught, just fax (401)459-6222 and we'll take
care of everything!
>
>CHAD: Well, basically, there are a few zealous idiots out there who
>actually will respond to the advertising. That's how advertising works.
>A few zealous idiots respond, and everyone is happy.
>
>: BBS: (401)459-6200
CROW: Maybe there should be one less "B" just before that phone number.
>
>CROW: But, this sure sounded like a Fidonet post to me? Why did they
>post to the Internet?
TOM: You CAN'T "POST" SOMETHING TO THE INTERNET!
>CHAD: Oh, easy answer. You see, a section of Fidonet is devoted to
>Usenet groups. The Sysop, apparantley thinking that this was simply
>Fidonet, simply posted it to Usenet.
TOM: Finally, someone who knows the difference between the Internet
and Usenet!
MIKE: And it's good old ... Chad.
>
>: E-Mail: david...@loa.com
>
>TOM: But that still doesn't explain why they posted it to
>rec.arts.tv.mst3k!
>CHAD: Uh...
>CROW: Or, how he named it after a controversial political miniseries?
>CHAD: He did not name it after Amerika!
>
>: Mail: Log On America, Inc.
>
>CROW: Well, the title looks so similar? See up there? In fact, it looks
>like a cross between Models Inc and Amerika to me!
CROW: I thought it was a Poopy Suit reference.
MIKE: Ughh...
CROW: Get it? *LOG* On America?
TOM: Ooh.
MIKE: Ew!
TOM: And with the log laying on top of all of America, they're going to
have to do a lot of shoveling before ...
MIKE: All right, both of you, that's enough.
>CHAD: I dunno... looks more like a Right Stuff evoking type feel to
>me...
TOM: Yeah, _The Right Stuff_ evokes "type feel" from me all the time.
What the heck does this mean?!?
MIKE: Uh, I think "Chad" forgot a few hyphens.
CROW: Ah. "Right-stuff-evoking-type." My favorite font.
>TOM: I think it reminds me of America 3000.
>CHAD: Er, what?
>TOM: Yeah, that post holocaust film? Remember it?
MIKE: Oh, now who would be stupid enough to put a "3000" at the end of the
title of a show?
>
>: 3 Regency Plaza
>
>CHAD: Er... no.
TOM: It was actually 2-and-a-half Regency Plaza, but he exaggerated his age.
>CROW: Ooh, 3 Regency Plaza. Important because of a low number.
>CHAD: Well, he might be the only building in town.
>TOM: Regency Pizza... mmm.
>CHAD: Uggh. Three bad zingers in one skit. We're going to have to cut
>the fiber in your diet, Tom.
CROW: Yeah, Tom, then you'll REALLY need your Poopy Suit!
TOM: D'OH!
>
>: Providence, RI 02903
>
>CHAD: Okay, this explains everything. Rhode Island.
>CROW: What? You have something against Rhode Island or something?
>CHAD: Why, yes. It's too small... and it's up north.
>
>: ATTN: Internet BBS
>
>TOM: Oh, here he's talking, like the Floridian he is, sick because all
>these people are going to Disney Land and he isn't!
TOM: Since when is Rhode Island in Florida?!
>CHAD: Well... Deep Throat was filmed in my state and you can't take that
>away from me!
>CROW: <SIGH>... You Floridians never learn!
CROW: Oh, so Chad is the Floridan, then.
TOM: Or Log On America is.
MIKE: I think somebody here is confused.
TOM: Yeah, us!
>
>: --------------------------------------------------------------------------
>: This article was an automated post. Any posting in unrelated newsgroups
>: is an error, please disregard this article if it is off-topic.
TOM: [giggle] [giggle] "Please disregard this article if it is off-topic"?
At the *end* of all this advertising drivel?!
MIKE: It's as though he's saying he really *doesn't* want us to ignore it.
CROW: I know both myself and my alter-ego up there wish we *could*
ignore it.
>
>CHAD: And one big error it was.
>TOM: Come on, let's go...
CROW: Aw, how come THEY get to leave but WE have to sit through the
rest of the credits?!
>
>
>
>--
>Chad Gould aka Soundwave(not Arthur Dent)
TOM: And not much of a Decepticon, either.
> |--Veteran minimalist Crow T.--|
> |--Robot on keyboards/ Gomez!--|
CROW: God, I hope not.
>member ASTEK/Comp Music! "Ye-haw! Multiball!"
TOM: Is he a pinball wizard?
CROW: Does there have to be a twist?
> tHe MaStEr DoEs NoT aPpRoVe.
MIKE: "tHe MaStEr DoEs NoT aPpRoVe"? I don't get it.
TOM: Well, y--
CROW: \
TOM: > Huh?
>They have big hearts, and a whole lot of horsepower...
>Welcome, race fans, to the Banzai Run!
CROW: Welcome, us, to the end of the post!
MIKE: C'mon, guys, let's get outta here.
>
>
>
...
vault door
...
2
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3
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4
...
5
...
6
...
[S of L]
TOM: Mike, I can't help feeling a little weird about seeing myself up there.
MIKE: Well, that's perfectly normal. Back on Earth, people get the same
reaction when they see films or video tapes of themselves.
TOM: Do I really look as goofy in real life as I did in that post?
CROW: No, Tom. You look much, much goofier!
TOM: [enraged] WHY YOU DIRTY LITTLE! TAKE THAT BACK! TAKE THAT BACK!
MOMMEEEEEEEEEE!!!
MIKE: Come on, Crow, stop covering up your OWN insecurities about seeing
what YOU look like by taking it out on Tom.
TOM: Yeah, you stupid little LaCrosse-head!
CROW: [turning slowly to Mike in vengeance] You know, Mike, of all of us
here, YOU were spared the agony of witnessing yourself making adolescent
remarks and generally acting like a bufoon, 'cause you were watching Chad
instead. I wonder how YOU'D LIKE SEEING YOURSELF!!!! Cambot, open the
hexfield viewscreen and show ... CLIP TWENTY!
TOM: [gasp] NOT CLIP TWENTY!
[The hexfield viewscreen opens up and displays the Mad Scientists' laboratory
from the final scene in "Manos: The Hands of Fate." (You know, back when it
was still part of that, that Institute whose name is a registered trademark
of someone whose name is also a registered trademark and whose lawyers are
being real butt-heads to Lisa Whats-her-name.)
The vault-door-like front entrance to Deep 13 opens up, and in staggers
our friendly neighborhood pizza delivery man -- DOOT doot doot DOOT DOOT
doot doot DOOT DOOT doot doot DOOT DOOT doot doot -- ***TORGO!!!!!***]
TORGO: ThE mAsTeR wAnTeD yOu To HaVe ThEsE cOuPoNs...
MIKE: [watching] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
CROW: [smugly, as the red light flashes] Whadaya think, sirs?
[Deep 13]
DR. F: [rubbing his chin] If I had know what an effect Torgo would have on
you, I would've done that myself a long time ago....
FRANK: [chuckling] Huh huh ... huh huh ... It looks like that little gold
robot makes a better mad scientist than you do!
DR. F: FraaaaaAAAAAANK!!!!!!!
FRANK: Er, uh, not that that's BAD for you or anything.
DR. F: JUST PUSH THE BUTTON!!!
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POHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
HEAD WRITER: rog...@cisco.com
WRITER'S OTHER ADDRESS: tra...@netcom.com
BASED ON MATERIAL PRODUCED BY: cgo...@gate.net (used without permission)
MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 BY: Best Brains, Inc.
THE STARS AND STRIPES FOREVER BY: John Philip Sousa
COPYRIGHT (C) 1995 BY SOMEONE WITH WAY TOO MUCH TIME ON HIS HANDS.
WRITTEN IN SHADOWRAMA.
KEEP CIRCULATING THE FTP SITES.
Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters and situations are
trademarks of and (c) 1994 by Best Brains, Inc. All rights reserved.
Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment
purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or trademarks
held by Best Brains, Inc., or by the artist formerly known as Joel Hodgson
but whose name is now a trademark too, is intended or should be inferred.
>CHAD: I dunno... looks more like a Right Stuff evoking type feel to
>me...
--
Roger M. Wilcox rog...@cisco.com (a.k.a. tra...@netcom.com)
------------------- I'm not flying fast, just orbiting low. ----------------
"En la mondon venis nova sento, Tra la mondo iras forta voko" -- Zamenhoff
Soundwave [ASTEK]
not endorse. This section is devoted to Canidate # 328i4, District 6,
Channel 3, Chad Gould, Esq.>
A Letter to the Editor:
As a part-time comic madman, I thank you for the time that you spent
discussing the issues that face this MSTing today. However, I feel that
the endorsement of my opponent in this election, Roger, misses some key
points.
: AHEM! It seems that the WONDERFUL WORLD OF Pnews decided to eat my first
: attempt at posting this to all you lovely people, so I'm trying a second
In the first place, as sited from that direct quotation, Roger
deliberately and knowingly used PNews to post his news on, instead of
using a inews direct base source. This to me demonstrates a certain lack
of knowledge in Usenet-based affairs on a UNIX system. His accusation of
me later in the campaign of messing up the distinction between Usenet
and Internet was furthermore inappropriate, as it was clear that my
buffon robot compadres were the culprits in that scenerio, unlike the
editorial seemed to indicate.
Mike, the editor, appeared to furthermore in the early stages of the
campaign, bypass direct family value entertainment for a game of Boogers
on the Sierra network. Let me state that I am a canidate who believes in
wholesome family values. I believe that checkers should be played on a
board, not on a computer screen. Because that's the kind of canidate
that I am.
: TOM: Chad? You mean the confetti-like stuff that card punches make?
Tom, a correspondant to the newspaper, should know better than to make
such a remark in an editorial. Chad actually is many other things, such
as a country in Africa. The confetti-like stuff that card punches make
is later ground up into McDonalds McLean Deluxe burgers, actually.
Personally, I do not like that practice and promise to campaign against
it. However, in a later post, Tom actually seems to indicate support for
McDonalds [TM] by using the said name in a MSTing. I refer to the quote:
: TOM: Oh great, first the warning labels on McDonald's apple pies,
: now this.
In the letter, Mike seemed to be unaware as to who I was. Where I have
served the R.A.T.M. community for almost a year and have been involved
in many of the community activities, from Baconizing to participating in
the soft drink debate. However, Mike, the editor, has the audacity to
say:
: MIKE: WHO is CHAD?!
Later comments unprofessionally refered to me, the canidate, as an air
bag, and as Gallagher. I take offense that a professional journal such
as R.A.T.M. steps down to such childish, trivial levels.
Furthermore, a subeditor of the paper demonstrated a lack of taste for
religion in this response:
: >ALL: THANK GOD!
: CROW: You're welcome.
As a member of the Christian Coalition for Acting Really Loud and
Obnoxious, I take offense to such heretic actions. If elected as leader
of R.A.T.M., I promise to build a more solid religious foundation based
on whichever religious organization would be willing to pay me more.
: >CHAD: I dunno... looks more like a Right Stuff evoking type feel to
: >me...
: TOM: Yeah, _The Right Stuff_ evokes "type feel" from me all the time.
: What the heck does this mean?!?
Unlike other politicians, I am proud to admit that I inhaled. As a
member as well of the Pro-Marijuana Legalization Committe for Better
Paper and Rope, I am leading the way to strongly urge the citizens of
this country to legalize marijuana for medicinal and material reasons,
of course. I strongly denounce anybody who believes that this movement
is just a bunch of pot-smokers getting together to get high. This is a
matter of the business of this country... Right?
: >member ASTEK/Comp Music! "Ye-haw! Multiball!"
: TOM: Is he a pinball wizard?
: CROW: Does there have to be a twist?
The editors of the paper clearly have not seen my posts in the past in
rec.games.pinball, thus showing a lack of knowledge in this canidate's
prior history. Would you trust someone like this running your R.A.T.M? I
wouldn't.
: BASED ON MATERIAL PRODUCED BY: cgo...@gate.net (used without permission)
I personally am also deeply shocked that you would use copyrighted
material without permission. I am calling for a full Congressional
Ethics Committee investigation on this...
So, there's my response. Ladies and gentlemen of the RATM people, I ask,
who would you rather have? A person who resorts to childish, trivial
levels, with obvious lack of knowledge of the Unix system? Or an
easygoing person that represents RATM's dedicated morals and ways of
life? A person who employs unethical rips or a person who shows a wide
diversity of activities, with all styles, shapes, and flavors? You make
the call on election day. Thank you.
[DISCLAIMER: This post was made in fun, is not serious, does not intend
to be, is not political, doesn't intend to be, and is a different type
of response then a triple-MST which would have confused things. (: You
are free to MST it, too. By the way, Roger, nice job.]
--
Chad Gould aka Soundwave(not Arthur Dent) |--Veteran minimalist Crow T.--|
internet: cgo...@gate.net (not Prodigy) |--Robot on keyboards/ Gomez!--|
member ASTEK/Comp Music! "Ye-haw! Multiball!" tHe MaStEr DoEs NoT aPpRoVe.
Opinions expressed synthesized on a Gravis Ultrasound card.
Daytona/Michigan/Indy/Talladega/ and more--WELCOME BACK TO RACING IN 1995!