MSTed: Power Rangers: The New Arrival & The Last, Best Hope (2/4)
rowark
(Mike and Bots re-enter theater)
>The Last, Best Hope
MIKE: That sounds familiar
>A Power Rangers/Babylon 5 Crossover
SERVO: Well, we've got the Good and the Bad.
>featuring
>The Crowmeowme Family
CROW: And here's the Ugly.
>
>Disclaimer
>All Power Rangers
MIKE: Can't act their way out of a paper bag.
> Characters are property of Saban Entertainment. All
>Babylon 5 characters are
SERVO: Stuck in a five-year story arc from which they cannot escape.
> property of JMS and PTEN. Daffy Duck is
>Property of Warner Brothers, Scrooge McDuck
MIKE: Isn't, so get over it.
> of Disney. All Crowmeowme
>males and Kimberly Katherine Crowmeowme are
CROW: Oh, a new character, and it's female.
MIKE: I might be interested in her, if she wasn't a Crowmeowme.
SERVO: Even if Kim is her mother?
MIKE: That's not the part that worries me, her father would be an alien.
CROW: Unless Kim had an affair with Tommy, and she's the result.
MIKE: If that's the case, then, maybe.
> my exclusive creations and
>cannot be used without my expressed written consent. I must be
>informed when this story is MiSTed
SERVO: Mike, this guy is scaring me again.
> or posted on any web page. Any
>critiques, comments, or nitpicks will be accepted and reviewed.
CROW: What about letter bombs?
>
>Chapter 1
MIKE: This could be trouble, guys.
>
> It was March 1, 2261,
MIKE: (as Jack Webb) I had done one Dragnet joke, and was compelled to do
another. I work here. I carry Tom Servo. My partners are Servo and Crow T
Robot. My name's Nelson.
> and a new ambassador arrived at Babylon 5.His
name
>was
CROW: Jose Jiminez.
> Morphos Multus and he was a clone.
ALL: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
> He was accompanied by
MIKE: A bad Spider-Man storyline.
> his aide, a
>two
CROW: Day old piece of bread.
>hundred and sixty-six year old man
SERVO: Oh, that's my favorite Mel Brooks routine.
> named William Crowmeowme. The two of
>them
>were met by
CROW: An angry mob carrying torches, bags of feathers, and barrels of tar.
> Commander Susan Ivanova upon arrival. Ambassador Multus had
>never seen
MIKE: Halls as clean as those on Babylon 5.
> such beauty as Commander Ivanova's. After helping the
ambassador
>and his aide settle into their quarters, Morphos asked Ivanova if she
SERVO: Really is leaving the show just because they wouldn't let her take a
few episodes off to make a movie.
>
would
>care to join him for a drink on the Zocalo. "I'd love to,
MIKE: (as Ivanova) But I find you more repulsive than Londo, thus I would
rather date him.
> Mr Ambassador,"
>said Ivanova. "Excellent," he replied,
CROW: Are we sure his aide's name isn't Smithers.
> "but please, call me
ALL: Ishmael.
> Morphy." The
>two of them made their way to
MIKE: San Jose.
> a drinking establishment. After ordering,
>Ivanova asked, "So, Morphy, where do you come from?" The ambassador
SERVO: Told Ivanova all about the birds and the bees.
>replied, "The planet Zordonus, which is in a solar system just outside of
>Earth's."
>Ivanova said,"I'm not that familiar with
CROW: (as Ivanova) Earth, hee,hee. Is that near Russia.
> Zordonus, tell me a little about
>it?" "With pleasure, my dear commander," said the ambassador.
>
> Morphos began, "Zordonus was founded
MIKE: Let me guess, um, Zordon.
> in 2003. That was the year
>that
CROW: I made a fortune selling coffee futures, but then Columbia sank into
the ocean after a major, and extremely rare, earthquake.
> an alliance of evil
SERVO: Wasn't that a group formed by Apocalypse in early issues of
X-Factor?
> forced a group of super heroes, known as the
>Power Rangers, to
ALL: (singing) sir, with love.
> leave Earth. This was the only way
MIKE: To keep the ratings up.
> to defeat this
>unholy alliance. However, not only were the at-that-time current Power
>Rangers forced to leave Earth, but all
CROW: Persons named Nelson, to prevent them from marrying monkeys.
(Mike slugs Crow in the beak)
CROW: (ala Marcia Brady) Oh my beak.
> former Power Rangers as well.
>My aide is the son of
MIKE: His father and his mother, duh.
> two former Power Rangers, while I was
SERVO: Born in the wagon of a traveling show. My momma used to dance for
the
money they'd throw. Poppa used to do whatever he could, preach a
little Gospel or sell a couple bottles of Dr Good.
MIKE & CROW: (singing) Gypsies, tramps, and thieves...
SERVO: Me and my not-so-big mouth.
> cloned
>from
SERVO: Peter Parker, that's why I'm so dumb.
> two of the most powerful Rangers, the Crowmeowme Brothers. I was
>named after both of them. Neither Crowmeowme was
CROW: Smarter than a bag of hammers.
> native to Earth, so I
>was given
MIKE: First prize for the Ugly Man contest at Paris' annual Feast of Fools.
> their original names,Morphos and Multus.
CROW: Those certainly are original names.
> Earth was not the only
>world targeted by
SERVO: Galactus, devourer of worlds.
> this alliance. They also targeted the planets
MIKE: Mars through Pluto.
> Aquitar
>and Triforia, which also had their
CROW: Breathable atmosphere.
> own Rangers. The three groups met
SERVO: Untimely demises when they landed on an airless planetoid.
> on a
>planet in the Alpha Centauri System.
CROW: Is that the Alpha Five Centauri System.
MIKE: If it's Centauri, watch out for Londo.
> This world was named Zordonus, after
SERVO: Boxing promoter Don King.
>Zordon of Eltar, the
CROW: King of Soft Serve Ice Cream
> founder of the Power Rangers."
MIKE: Did they build a statue of him?
> "Please
CROW: (as Ivanova) Kill me.
> continue,"said Ivanova. Morphos continued, "The Aquitians
>brought with them
SERVO: The secret of making delicious fajitas.
> a vast supply of pure water, including the water
MIKE: Of Life, the bile of baby sandworms, which no man, save one, can
drink.
> from
>their version of the Fountain of Youth.
CROW: First dicovered by Juan Ponce De Leon.
> They shared this water with
MIKE: No one, unless they got enough money to share.
> their
>fellow Rangers and thus, all the founders of Zordonus are
SERVO: Really bad actors.
> still alive.
>William's father, Brian, alias
CROW: One-Eyed Jack, alias Snake Oil Smith.
> Morphos, was selected to
SERVO: Be a sacrifice to the monster that lived at the center of Zordonus.
> rule Zordonus,
MIKE: Why him and not, oh, say, Jason or Tommy?
>while William's uncle Bob, alias
CROW: Buffalo Bob, alias Bob's Your Uncle.
> Multus, became planetary treasurer.
SERVO: Despite the fact that he failed simple arithmetic seventeen times.
>Zordonus is made up of
MIKE: Delicious Chocolate Cake with a rich, creamy filling.
> a selection of city-states, each one named for
>an Earth-born founder. The city state are Kimberly Crossing, Jasonia,
>Zackland, Billysburg, Trinitown,
ALL: (singing) Wont you take me to Trinitown.
> Tommy Acres,
MIKE: (singing) Tommy Acres is the place to be, Ranger living is the life
for me.
> Rockyville,
CROW: (as Stallone)Yo, Paulie!
> Adam Park, Aisha
>Province, Kosta del Katherine, Cape Tonya,
SERVO: Starring Robert Mitchum and Gregory Peck.
CROW: No, the remake with Robert DeNiro and Nick Nolte.
> and Justin Junction.
ALL: (singing) Come ride the little train that is rolling down the tracks
to
the junction.
MIKE: With Kimmy Jo, Trini Jo, and Katty Jo.
> Each of
>these city states has it's own
SERVO: Militia for ongoing periods of civil war.
> specialty, which no other city state has.
>For example, Kosta del Katherine is the center of
CROW: The Adult Entertainment Industry.
(Mike slaps Crow)
> the cloning industry,
>which produced me, while robotics are
SERVO: What made my friend Crow and I the lovable quipsters we are today.
> done in Billysburg.
>
> Before the ambassador can continue, Vir Cotto
MIKE: Also known as Fan Boy.
SERVO: Right guy, wrong show.
> arrives and hands a
>note to Ambassador Multus.
CROW: Londo wants him to have two of his three wives.
> "Tell Ambassador Mollari that I
SERVO: Don't know anything about weapons supplied to the Narn.
> shall be
>prompt," Morphos tells Vir. Ivanova asked, "What
ALL: (singing) Goes up, must come down.
> was that about?" Morphos
>replies, "Ambassador Mollari has invited me to
MIKE: Help brush his hair fan.
> play him at a game of
>Centauri chess. Zordonus has had
SERVO: The greatest chess players in the galaxy, with the exception of Deep
Blue.
> relations with Centauri Prime for nearly
>two centuries, as both
CROW: Friends and lovers.
> ally and supplier. We condemned their aggressions
>against the Narn, however, but still remained allies. Now, Zordonus is a
>newly joined member
CROW & SERVO: (as Beavis and Butthead) Huh,huh,huh,huh,huh,he said
member.Yeah,yeah, a newly joined one. Must be John Wayne
Bobbit. Huh,huh,huh,huh.
> into the
MIKE: Black Hole.
SERVO: In, through and beyond.
> League of Non-Aligned Worlds, though we need
>no help defending ourselves. We are defended by a
CROW: Bunch of bad actors with Japanese stock footage.
> vast fleet of robot
drone
>fighters. These fighters use a Je.E.V.S.
SERVO: A bunch of chauffeurs?
> series systembot and fighters
made
>of
MIKE: Sponge cake.
> a Triforian alloy. Now if you'll excuse me,
ALL: (singing) While I kiss the sky.
> Susan. but I am
ALL: (singing) The very model of a modern major general.
> expected at
>Ambassador Mollari's quarters
MIKE: Or maybe his dimes.
> in fifteen minutes. Perhaps I will see you
CROW: In a black teddy.
>later." "Count on it," replied Ivanova.
MIKE: Yeah!
>
> While Ambassador Multus engaged in a
SERVO: Twenty Man, Over the Top Rope Battle Royale.
>heated chess match against
CROW: IBM super-computer Deep Blue 2261
>Londo Mollari, on Zordonus, a heated debate
MIKE: On the use of air conditioners.
> raged in the chambers of
>the ruling council, the Order of Meledon. "The Voice of the Resistance
>said that the forces
SERVO: (as Darth Vader) Strong with this one.
> of Babylon 5 will be attacking Earth,"said Aquitian
>counclior Delphine, "I say we
CROW: Go swimming and forget about it.
> send them one thousand fighters to help
>their assault." "Earth has
SERVO: Completely ignored us, why should we bother them.
> done nothing to earn our aggression," stated
>Triforian councilor Trey, "we would be
MIKE: The intergalactic Axis powers.
> going against the very principles
>the Power Rangers were
CROW: Disciplined by.
> formed from, there is no battle, for us, and thus,
>there is no need to
SERVO: Panic, that giant asteroid is still millions of miles away.
> escalate it." Human councilor Adam Park intervenes,
>"That is not true.
MIKE: Are you calling me a liar? Cause if you are, I'll break your face.
> The first generation of Power Ranger offspring were
>mostly
SERVO: Inbred buffoons.
> mutants. The U.S. government wanted all mutants placed in camps
>because of the actions of a few lone outlaw mutants against one United
>States Presidential candidate.
CROW: Ross Perot.
> They would have separated newborn children
>from their parents."
>
> "Do not let your
MIKE: Overconfidence be your weakness, look what happened to the Emperor.
> personal feelings rule in this body," said councilor
>Trey, "just because some giant robots almost
CROW: Figured out they were the real stars of the show.
> kidnapped your two-month old
>son centuries ago. You and your wife
MIKE: (As Jon Lovitz) Morgan Fairchild, yeah, that's the ticket.
> Tanya hid the child in the Power
>Chamber until the exodus.
SERVO: Led by Moses.
> I, Trey of Wisdom,
CROW: As opposed to Trey of Stupidity.
> feel there is no need to help
>attack a world that has not attacked us."
MIKE: With the exception of Za'Ha'Dum.
> "Enough!"
SERVO: What Eight is, Alex?
> The stentorian tones
of
>council leader Brian Crowmeowme
CROW: So he's President and Council Leader.
> silenced the room. "It would appear that
>the majority of the council agrees that
MIKE: This beer tastes great, while the minority believes it's less
filling.
> we should send an assault fleet,"
>stated the former
CROW: Uncle Ben's rice distributor.
> Silver Ranger and long-time ruler of Zordonus. He turned
>to his long-time friend and sometime
SERVO: Lover
(Crow snickers)
> advisor, "Billy, do we have two
>thousand drone fighters to give them?" "At last count," said the only
being
>present who
MIKE: Speaks his own language, which few people understand.
> spoke for both Earth and Aquitar, "we have a surplus of eleven
>thousand fully sentient, multi-functional, Jet Engineered Vehicular
>Systembot pilots and a surplus of ten thousand fighter craft."
SERVO: But we're low on fuel.
>
"Excellent,"
>said Brian, "contact our Ambassador on Babylon 5 at once."
>
> The next morning, on Babylon 5, Captain Sheriden
SERVO: Woke up with a gash in his front from where D'Elenn turned over and
her bone cut his chest.
> met the new
>ambassador
CROW: With PPGs at the ready.
>for the first time. "Captain,"
MIKE: (as Scotty) I'm givin' her all I can Captain. She canna hold anymore.
> stated the clone, "I was authorized
SERVO: To deliver this check from Publisher's Clearinghouse.
> by my
>government to offer you two thousand
CROW: Marbles.
> of our top of the line robot drone
>fighters for your assault on Earth. The Order of Meledon has observed the
>Voice of the Resistance broadcasts and,
MIKE: We think they would be more interesting if Ivanova would do them
wearing swimwear.
> by an overwhelming majority,
>authorized the donation of the fighters for your planned assault."
>"A very generous offer," said Sheriden, "inform your superiors that their
>gift shall prove quite helpful and will save
ALL: (Singing) Your soul.
> at least two thousand lives."
>
> Later, while strolling along the Zocalo, Ambassador Multus was
>stopped by
MIKE: An octagonal red sign that said STOP.
> Psi-Cop Al Bester. "So you're from Zordonus. I hear that
>several of your citizens possess
SERVO: (as Chekov) Nuclear Vessels.
> telepathic abilities," said Bester.
>"Yes, myself included," relied Multus, "but you
MIKE: Look like you need something put in your ear.
> wouldn't be able to
>gauge us on the Psi-Corp scale." "We'll see about that," quipped Bester
>and produced a
SERVO: Ceti Eel from Star Trek II, causing Bester to flee in terror.
> Psi-Corp evaluation unit. He activated the unit and was
>surprised by the read-out.
MIKE: The weak point is a small thermal exhaust port just below the main
port?
> "You, you don't even register on the scale. The
>Psi-Corps scale goes to a P-20, but, you go beyond that. My superiors
>will want to hear about this." {I DON'T THINK SO.}
ALL: Huh?
> The Ambassador's
>mental voice filled Bester's mind.
CROW: Cool, a mental voice.
> {ZORDONUS IS OUT OF YOUR JURISDICTION.
>IF POST EVEN ONE PSI-COP THERE, EVERY TELEPATH ON ZORDONUS WILL JOIN
>TOGETHER AND BRING THE PSI-CORPS TO IT'S KNEES.} Bester was white as
SERVO: Snow, and everywhere the Psi-Corps went, Bester was sure to go.
> a
>sheet as he nodded in compliance. Never before had he felt
MIKE: Like crying as he had after watching Terms of Endearment.
> such a psi
>presence.
>
> A week later, an urgent message arrives at
SERVO: Stately Wayne Manor.
> the Presidential Manor
>on Zordonus. "Yes, Mr Ambassador." answers President
MIKE: Hillary Rodham Clinton.
> Brian Crowmeowme,
>upon learning the message comes from Ambassador
CROW: Kosh, thus no one can understand it.
> Morphos Multus on Babylon
>5. "It's William, sir. Your son is
MIKE: In prison, charged with inciting a riot at a Rebo and Zooty
performance.
> gravely ill, possibly dying," Multus
>says solemnly. "How?" asks the shocked President. Multus responds, "It
>seems
CROW: He did some bad acid in the 2160s.
> Master Vile still rules galaxy M-51. An ambassador, stationed here
>from one of the worlds there, sent me a
MIKE: Set of Ginsu Knives.
> 'gift', a plant
CROW: Called Audrey II.
> that Master Vile
>thought would kill me. William got to the plant first, he's
MIKE: (as Bones) Dead, Jim.
> in the
med-lab.
>Dr Franklin says his condition is
SERVO: The least of your worries, since your wife is cheating on you with
Justin. JUSTIN, of all Rangers.
> stable, but still critical." Brian tells
>his clone, "I have
CROW: To kill The Queen of England.
> some important business here, but I'll send
MIKE: Some flowers for his funeral.
> Kim and
>Brian
>junior to Babylon 5 a.s.a.p. BJ
SERVO: Played by Mike Farrell
> knows more about the physiology of himself,
>his siblings, and his cousins than anyone else on Zordonus." Shortly
>after the communication ends, Kimberly Hart-Crowmeowme, still
SERVO: Thinking about Justin.
> as young and
>beautiful as the day she received her Power Coin rushes into her husband's
>office. "Something's happened to Willy, hasn't it?" she asks?.
>
(Mike and Bots exit theater)
(MST3K logo)
(Multiple commercials alternating Mission Genesis and Weekends of Wonder)