[MSTied] SAILOR MOON: Past, Present, and Future [5/9]

[Tv's Weretorgo]

>
>
>
>
> Hi Minna

MIKE: [dramatically] More elusive and enigmatic than a TRUCKLOAD of Robert
Denbys, it's... Minna.

> This is Janice.
> I want everyone who likes, hates or loves this story to send me a comment
> flame or suggestion at jani...@nfld.com.
> I will answer every letter I get. Cross my heart. Oh you have to read all
> Lianne's stuff, Razzz's, Amitests, Sue Mei and all the works of all those
> fanfics.

SERVO: [as Janice] Oh, in order to comment you also have to write an Eye of
Argon sequal.
CROW: [as Janice] Then you need to read The Iliad... in the original Greek.
SERVO: [as Janice] *Then,* and only *then,* can you email me.

> We authors like to hear from you. If any author is reading this I
> could really use your help to make this better.Okay. I do not own Sailor
> Moon. I just changed some characters to suit me. Sorry if I can't spell but
> I do not have an editor yet.

MIKE: [puzzled] How can you write without an editor?
CROW: I would hardly call this *writing,* Nelson.

> Any volunteers you have the email
> be sure to include yours.
>
> Part 6

SERVO: Jason Lives.

>
> " Come on Darien. Hurry up I want to get my dress so I can model for you"
> said Serena

MIKE: The best thing is, she's *exactly* his size!

>
> " I'm coming. What store are we going to?"asked Darien
>
> " The Dress Shop.

MIKE: Original name.

> It sells dress at all price and all styles" said Serena

CROW: I smell a product plug!
SERVO: Remember, audience, you want to go to The Dress Shop! Right now!

>
> " so what type of dress are you getting something hot. But yet something
> that dad will let me wear out of the house and I can't look as good as the
> bride." said Serena

MIKE: [as Serena] Why are you asking the same questions you answer I don't know
it's just fun.

>
> " There is no way the bride can be a pretty as you. Even if her dress is
> nicer you will still be belle of the ball because you have natural beauty
> as well as what you have get from a store" said Darien

CROW: [as Darien] Not only that, but if you're wearing *that* dress, you'll
literally *be* the bell.

>
> " That is so sweet. You have to be the worlds best boyfriend" said Serena
> as they walked in the store.

SERVO: [as Serena] Though maybe not as nice as that Richard Speck fellow I was
dating... wonder what happened to him.

>
> "Thanks" Said Darien"Wow they have a ton of dresses here. How much are
> you going to spend?"

MIKE: [as Serena] How much do you have?

>
> "$300. I know its a lot but you have really expensive tuxedo's and I want
> I dress because it will be the first wedding we are going to attend in this
> life as a item

CROW: It'll be like the ending to Freaks.

> and I want to look special" said Serena.
>
> " And you say I'm sweet. You are too. Now lets ask the sales girl about
> finding a dress." said Darien

SERVO: [as Darien] And after we find my dress, we'll look for one for you.

>
> " Excuse me, miss but do you have any real nice dresses $300 dollars and
> under" asked Serena

MIKE: [as salesgirl] Hah! See this uniform I'm wearing? This is about it.

CROW: Say... wait... if they're in Japan... how come they're using *American--*
SERVO: --Don't ask. Nobody'll tell.

>
> " Come this way please" said the girl" you should find a proper dress on
> one of these two racks now I have to go tell me if you need help
>
>
> " Thank you" said Serena" Oh this one nice, so is this oh and this and this
> and this.

MIKE: You know, the lack of verbs in that sentence just *heightens* my
imaginative immersion, it does.

> How I am I going to chose.
>
> " Why don't you try them on said Darien

CROW: That Darien! Full of ideas!

>
> " Good idea will you tell me what one looks best"said Serena
>
> " Sure" said Darien
>
> Serena ran into the change room and tried on dress after dress and
> modeled them for Darien. " That was the last one so which did you like best"
> said Serena

SERVO: Well, seeing as though we didn't *see* any of them...

>
> " This one " said Darien as he picked up a light pink dress with no
> sleaves and two stapes that went around her neck and had a low back with
> stapes going across it.

MIKE: [as Darien] It'll go real well with my figure.

>
> " Me too.I am so glad we agree on it am going to go buy it."

CROW: If she knew which dress was her favorite ahead of time, why'd she ask--
SERVO: --Don't look for answers where there are none.

>
> *****************************************************
>
> Serena your late getting home " said Mr. Tuskino
>
> " I had to get a dress for the wedding I'm going to. I'll show you later.
> I'm going to get a snack before dinner. Said Serena
>
> " so did you get it asked her mom

MIKE: I dunno. What was the joke?

>
> " Yes and it is so nice. Oh I'm going to be late again tomorrow. Darien and
> I are giving Janet a ride to the airport. There are going to be so many
> people there that she does not want to wait for the press to finch. Just
> meet her step dad and sis, give her family directions to her house and get
> out. She gave us an invite to supper for the favour " said Serena

[mass laughter]

CROW: The more she says, the less I understand.
SERVO: Janice, listen to me when I tell you the following: [slowly] Make...
your... sentences... short.

>
> " you two are getting to be friends I'm glad she seems so nice"said her
> mom
>
> " Serena, it does seem lately that you are doing a lot with Darien. I
> want you to get him over so I can have a talk with him when I am home. okay"
> said Mr. Tuskino

MIKE: [as Mr. Tuskino, to self] I'll soften him up before he gets to my
daughter.

>
> " Okay dad. But don't worry Darien has to be one of the nicest guys I
> know. He would never do anything to hurt me. I trust him and I am a big
> girl and can handel bad situations" said Serena
>
>
> " I know dear but Darien is in collage and well collage boys want to have
> sex and a young girl like you to them is easier then a girl there age and I
> do not want my daughter to be a one night fling for any one ever." said Mr.
> Tuskino

CROW: Proving that when it comes to grasping the English language, like
daughter, like father.

>
> "Dad I will get Darien up but trust me you will love him. He has good
> manners, he treats people right, he would never do anything to hurt someone
> on purpose and he sticks up for what he believes in he is the perfect guy
> but you'll know that once you meet him.I've got homework see you later said
> Serena.
> ***********************************************

SERVO: Say, you know... this plot is sort of original... if you FORGET ABOUT ALL
THE *OTHER* STUPID CLICHES EXACTLY LIKE IT!

>
> " Hi guys, thanks for picking me up." said Janet

MIKE: [as Janet] Bye guys, thanks for dropping me on the ground.

>
> " No trouble the car is only a little full" said Darien
>
> " When we heard your step-dad was a movie star we just had to come and
> meet him" said Mina

CROW: [as Mina] Ron Jeremy... what sort of movies does he usually appear in?

>
> " Yap, I hope he's cute and anyway we might get our pictures in the
> paper" said Lita
>
> " Hopefully right near someone famous then all those kids a school will
> be real jealous" said Raye.
>
> " I came because there is a scout meeting after this and figured this way
> if the plane got in early I would not have to worry about being late"said
> Amy

SERVO: Thanks for your non sequitur, Amy. Now shut up and jump in the suitcase.

>
> " No way Amy you want to meet Janets new step dad too" said Serena which
> made Amy blush
>
> " Okay girls here we are." said Darien
>
> " Gate 5, Gate 5 where is gate 5" said Janet

CROW: Right in between gates eight and thirteen.

>
> " This way come on lets go meet someone famous " said Mina
>
> " Oh boy. I hope we are on time" said the girls

MIKE: You know, maybe if Janice included movement phrases this story wouldn't be
so bad. [considers] Or maybe it would just suck on *another* level.

>
> *******************************
>
> " Angie do you really think that you can sneck past all those people with
> cameras just waiting for someone to come out" said a voice
>
>
> " Shut up and act like a cat Astril. I can do this my dad is an actor surly
> something rubbed of on me" said Angelica

SERVO: Umm, who are these people, what do they look like, and why are we
listening to them?

>
> " Yah right you won't even smile for pictures what makes you think you
> can fool reporters" said Astril
>
> " Just don't let anyone see your face and get ready for a great
> performance" said Angelica
>
> ' this should be good' thought Astril

CROW: Did we skip an important part of this chapter? Like the introduction?

>
>
> "Look, Look somebody is coming out" said a voice up front.

MIKE: It's times like these that I wish for a nice, convenient, Ratliff-esque
list of characters.

>
> " Oh my God. Oh my God that was like such a good flight. I mean really. I
> sat next to that Angelica Richerdson girl and her father Paul was like two
> seats away. I could hear him breath. Like wow. I just have to go and tell
> this to like everyone. Bye" said Angelica

SERVO: Reading about people's mental illnesses. One of the *many* things I love
about my job.

>
>
> " Wow lucky girl" said Lita
>
> " I know she heard him breath" said Mina

CROW: [as Mina] And she listened to his heart!

>
> " She actually saw him." said Raye
>
> " Lucky girl, breathing, seeing him don't tell me you actually bought her
> story. There is no way in hell that she could have sat next to Angelica
> Richardson" said Mandy

MIKE: I am totally lost. Is this Angelica person a male? If so, why is he named
Angelica? If not, then what is going on?

CROW: I resolve myself of any blame for any mental mishaps that may strike you,
Mike.

>
> " Why are you here and why not" said Janet
>
> " Paul and mom go way back so I had to come slut spawn and there is no
> way she could sit next to An gelica Richardson because she is Angelica
> Richardson. Also known as the bitch" said Mandy

SERVO: So, in this fanfic, everybody hates everybody? That's nice.

>
> " That is not nice to say about Janet or Angelica" said Mina
>
> " Its true her mom was with a bunch of men.

MIKE: So this makes her *daughter* a slut? [moaning] Help me...

> My mother told me and Angelica
> is dame proud of being a bitch you can ask her, JANET after all she is your
> problem now" said Mandy
>
> " What do you mean problem" asked Amy
>
> " Can't talk now got to go get in some pictures. See ya losers." said
> Mandy

CROW: And the major question inside the audience's mind: What in the *hell* was
that all about?

>
> " I hope the problem thing is not to bad" said Janet

SERVO: [as Janet] Cause I heard it might turn out to be a problem or something.

>
> " Don't worry come on we got some scout work to do" said Serena
>
>
>
> I am so happy Moonsong sent me a email and was the first to do so. Tell me
> what site your fic is oon and I'll read it. If you have any comments or
> flames send it to jani...@nfld.com

MIKE: Whoa, the fanfic comes to a sudden, grinding halt.

>
> Bye for now Minna

CROW: So now the author is "Minna?" Okay. Mike, I'm going to ask you to kill me.
Mike, kill me.

[commercials]

>
>
> Hi Minna

SERVO: Maybe it's the bastard stepsister of Minnie Mouse?
MIKE: That's stretching the limits of plausibility.

> Its Janice again. I am glad to know that people are reading my fic. It
> makes me sooooooo happy. I love getting email so send comments flames and
> suggestions to jani...@nfld.com. I do not own Sailor Moon, I just changed
> some characters to suit me.

CROW: This message rerun for the sake of continuity.

> Okay here is part 7 and Angelica is based ON NO
> ONE

SERVO: [sarcastically] Oh, gee, she isn't!?

> I put this in because I do not want people who read this to think that girl
> does not base her characters on good people.

MIKE: [sarcastically] Because to do so would be a real bad thing.

> Read Liannes Razzzs Sue Meis
> and all the other great authors stuff they are good.

CROW: If *Janice* likes their stories, I can only hope that Doctor F. has the
mercy *not* to ever send us one.

> Also if you like
> Serena and Darien join STAR.

SERVO: Ahh, yes, STAR. Stupid Tripe and Romance.

> I am a proud member just email MJ for details
> at
>
>

MIKE: So did she have a falling out with MJ? Or is his email address just " " at
" " dot " "?

> part 7
>
> " Shrill, come here I have discovered something very interesting" said
> the voice

CROW: [as voice] It appears to be a plot point of some sort.

>
> " yes my Lord what is it. I hope it is something to do with me and
> murder" said Shrill

SERVO: [as voice] Yep, you guessed it. Any last requests?

>
> " Not yet I have been scanning the earth for energy trying to figure out
> if there are any more scouts that know they are scouts. I found one." said
> the voice

MIKE: [as voice] She has a merit badge in kicking the asses of all who oppose
her.

>
> " and you want me to kill her. as good as done" said Shrill
>
> " No. Not yet I do not know if she knows of the others. I want to kill
> them all at once so there will be no revenge.

CROW: [as voice] That way, they have time to prepare and kill me.

> If she is there friend the
> scouts will try twice as hard to kill me. If I kill all the scouts at once
> I will only have Crystal as a problem" said the voice.
>
> " She might never show and I want to feel the blood of the scouts and
> that cape boy." said Shrill.

SERVO: Is that Darien? [to Shrill] If so, I'm with you, big guy!

>
> " Soon. I noticed that the first time she appeared was when a Paul
> Richardson

MIKE: [as voice] --Of unknown virtue...

> was nearly killed. She saved his life. After this she stopped
> crimes. Like bank robberies.

CROW: [as voice] She took to wearing a tight rubber suit.

> All the places had Paul Richardson near by.
> And he just moved to town to get married" said the voice

SERVO: [dejected] So it's not Darien? Oh well. [to Shrill] KILL!

>
> " and you want me to kill him?" said Shrill
> " NO. The wedding is in a week many people will be there if I'm right
> then she will be there in case his life is threatened. You will show up at the
> wedding. Kill a reporter no one of importance or family and then threaten
> Paul. The scout should show up and from what I know the others always show
> up too. You will then kill only the scouts. Then I can turn earth into a
> waste land like every other planet and star" said the voice

MIKE: So what does this voice gain from doing so?
CROW: The satisfaction of a job well done.

>
> " Why can't I kill who I want"asked Shrill

SERVO: [as voice] Because *I'm* the disembodied voice, and *I* say so!

>
> " Because if you do it might be one of the scouts which means they will
> fight harder. I want only 7 murders. The new scout, Mars, Mercury, Venus,
> Jupiter, Saturn and a reporter." said the voice

CROW: Jeez, what does this fanfic have against reporters? I mean, anteaters,
sure, but why kill a lowly reporter?

>
> " What about Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Mask?" Asked Shrill
>
> " I will take care of them personally" said the voice

MIKE: [as voice] I shall talk them to death.

>
> *********************************************************************
>
> " Angie, you should go into acting" said Astril
>
> " Like for sure. Ha Ha can you actually think of me talking like that.
> Girls who do are bimbo's and well I am no bimbo" said Angelica

SERVO: [as Angelica] I'm a hateful, badly characterized cliche, not a *bimbo.*

>
> " That's for sure. I mean you don't even date a guy who is not 100
> percent in favour of girl power. Your hero's are the Spice Girls because their
> message is girl power and you can fix any car or build anything with tools
> no bimbo I know can do that" said Astril.

[silence]

CROW: Umm, Mike, I don't know whether this is deliberate, if somewhat
heavyhanded, irony and sarcasm... or whether it's just very, very, VERY wrong.
MIKE: Either way, buddy, I'll be here for you.

>
> " I know. I hope my soon to be step sister is not a bimbo other wise
> Sailor Earth is gonna go nuts." said Angelica

SERVO: [voiceover] Audiences someday may find the hidden connection between this
sentence and the rest of the story, but until that moment, we shall remain in
the dark as to the dark and subtle undertones which drape this scene along with
the rest of the story.

>
> **************
>
> " So guys Amy was right we really do have a new enemy and that guy who
> killed all those people might be it" said Raye

CROW: Duhh...

>
> " Right. Sorry we did not listen Amy" said Mina

MIKE: [as Mina] Forgive us our common mistakes, oh great Amy.

> " That's okay" said Amy" What do you think Janet Luna said that you knew
> a lot about myths and legends in the past you got any ideas"

SERVO: [as Janet, cheesy accent] It could have been a lycanthrope... a
'Warewaulf.'

>
> " Only one it sounds like a vampire by what the paper said" said Janet
>
> " A what" said Serena

CROW: "What does Mickey do?"

>
> " A vampire. You know bites the neck of girls for food and can inject
> venom to turn people into vampires." said Janet

MIKE: You *know* your fanfic sucks when you're gearing it at people who don't
know what a vampire is.

>
> " If your right we are going to have real trouble on our hands" said Lita
>
> " Right. A vampire could kill us while we fight him. This is going to be
> one hard guy to beat. I mean we can't go near him" said Mina

SERVO: So... big guy with huge, pulsating sword equals "safe to approach."
Vampire is "very dangerous."