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NEW MiSTED The Walls of Jellico 3/3 TNG [PG] (x-over MST3K]

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Bill Livingston

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May 19, 1998, 3:00:00 AM5/19/98

Sorry about the confusion. This is indeed part 3 of 3.
=======================================================
>
>From: srat...@runet.edu (Stephen Ratliff)
>Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative
>Subject: NEW TNG The Walls of Jellico 6/6 (Marrissa Stories)

MIKE: Home stretch, guys.
CROW: Shouldn't that slash be another 6?
SERVO: Would you mind very much not using the words "slash" and "Marrissa"
anywhere near each other?
CROW: Don't worry - that's one shuddering idea not even *Stephen* would try!

>Date: 6 Mar 1998 19:48:46 GMT
>Organization: Radford University
>Lines: 163
>Message-ID: <6dpjuu$k...@newslink.runet.edu>
>NNTP-Posting-Host: europa.cs.runet.edu

SERVO: [announcer] Coming to you *live*, from Jupiter's moon!

>X-Newsreader: TIN [UNIX 1.3 950824BETA PL0]
>
>
>Title: The Walls of Jellico
>Author: Stephen Ratliff
>Part: 6/6
>
>Epilogue
>
> It was a bright and cheerful day at Star Fleet Academy's
>horse track, otherwise known as Academy Downs.

MIKE: At least it *was* cheerful, until Lori Petty showed up, shouting
"Go, baby, go!"

> The four year-old
>race had just finished,

CROW: ...And everyone had sore butts from sitting on those cheap seats for
four years.

> and there was a break before the running
>of the two year old race was to begin.

MIKE: And the babies are being brought out of the nursery now...

> It was the fourth of six
>races that day which would conclude with the three year old race.

SERVO: So, if the two year old race is the fourth race, and the three
year old race is the sixth race, and a train leaves Chicago at
3:15 PM with Melissa Etheridge, then what do I have in my pocket?

> But it was the Star Fleet Invitational for two year-olds that
>held the attention of everyone.

MIKE: There's a Kids' Crew joke here somewhere if I could just put my
finger on it...

> Not only had the winner of this
>race gone on to win at least one Triple Crown race for the past
>five years, but today it was a match between the sons of a pair
>of horses that had made the race exciting three years ago.

CROW: Uh-oh. Ratliff's adding backstory. That's a bad sign.
SERVO: Have we read that one yet?
MIKE: No. I'm sure that I'd remember a Ratliff story that had a horse
race as a major plot point.

>Vulcan's Glory and Insignia had raced neck and neck wire to wire

SERVO: Were they face to face?
CROW: Did the jockeys live from day to day?
MIKE: Was the traffic to the track bumper to bumper?

>with Vulcan's Glory winning by a nose. Now Loin at the Helm from
>Kirk Stables

MIKE: And never was a horse more appropriately named.

> and Shield of Stars would be facing each other for
>the first time.
> It was also Isabelle Picard's first race in two years.
>She'd taken a break after placing in the Belmont Stakes to have
>and raise her son, but she'd found that she missed the races.

MIKE: Going to the off-track betting parlor just wasn't the same for her
as actually being in the park.
CROW: Besides, her two-year old son was now eligible for a commission
in Starfleet, so he could fend for himself.

>Marie had encouraged her return to racing, and even her father
>had surprised her with his words of support. She'd never really
>gotten along with her father, but since little Rene was born and
>Captain Picard had talked to him, her father seemed to take a lot
>more pride her, as if he finially realized how much she meant to
>him.

CROW: [Marie's dad] This girl's my meal ticket! I better pretend to
tolerate her presence.

> This was also the last race for the Klingon jockey who had
>welcomed her to racing in her first Star Fleet Invitation some
>three years ago, Korrath.

CROW: Somehow, I just have trouble picturing a Klingon jockey.
SERVO: [Klingon] The next person who ridicules my pink satin outift
shall receive a b'atleth where the galaxy don't shine!

> He would be ridding Glorious Kah'Less
>into battle for the last time.

SERVO: Meanwhile, everyone else would be racing horses.

> Following this race he would be
>handing over the reigns to his son Garrath or perhaps his
>daughter Be'hara depending on who was better.

MIKE: They'd be fighting a duel to the death to decide.

> He would be
>becoming the Klingon Embassy's trainer. Isabelle would miss his
>wit in the weight room.

MIKE: Oh yeah, that's what Klingons are known for. Their sparkling sense
of humor.
CROW: [Korrath] So I chopped his limbs off and burned them in front of him,
haw haw haw!!!
SERVO: [Korrath] How many Ferengi does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Ferengi have no honor. Get it?!? LAUGH, YOU P'TAKH!!!

>
> Up in the box, Marie sat with her five year old daughter
>Theresa beside her. Marie was dressed in her Sunday best.

SERVO: Her "Sunday best"? What the Sam Scratch is *that* supposed to
look like?
MIKE: (radio announcer): Join us next time for another exciting episode of
"Reading Ratliff's Mind".
CROW: (Madge): Sloppy writing? You're soaking in it.

>Theresa was wearing a cute little blue sun dress and a wide
>brimmed straw hat. On her other side sat Philippe Boucher in top
>hat and tails, his almost two year old grandson sitting in his
>lap in a cute dark blue sailor suit with a red tie that he kept
>messing with.

MIKE: So even in the 24th century, it's still 1887?

> Marrissa sat in front of them with Jay beside
>them. The both wore their dress uniforms, as expected of Star
>Fleet Officers attending this event, Marrissa's the red of
>Command, and Jay's the yellow of

CROW: The streak down his back.

> Operations and Engineering.
> "Who are you going for, Marrissa,"Jay asked.

SERVO: [Marrissa] Me, of course. What did you expect?

> "Shield of Stars, of course," Marrissa replied, smiling.

CROW: I just love the feeling of having a big horse between my...
[Mike picks up Crow and throws him against the theater wall.]

>"This is the Stargazer Stable's owner's box."

SERVO: Retain box and original packing materials for later reference.
CROW: [picking himself up] What the Harold Hecuba was *that* for?
MIKE: Sorry. Nervous tic.

> "True," Jay replied smiling back.
> "Mommy," little Rene suddenly shouted as he spotted his
>mother leading her horse on the big monitor on the other side of
>the tracks above the Cadet Stands.

CROW: No! The race is on the track! Get off the monitor!
SERVO: Yes, Rene, you've finally driven her away.

> Everyone looked at the toddler who was staring at the
>monitor as they introduced the horses and their jockeys over the
>speakers.

CROW: Take a good look, kid - she's heading for Coral Gables.

> "In the first gate will be Shield of Stars out of the
>Kentucky Derby winning Insignia from Stargazer Stables ridden by
>the second year jockey, Isabelle Boucher Picard."

MIKE: [field announcer] Isabelle here is fleeing her stultifying home and
family, her son Rene having driven her to a life of quiet
desperation!

> The picture switched to a Vulcan leading a mahogany colored
>stallion. The little boy cried out, "Mommy gone."

SERVO: That's right, and she left because of you.

>"She'll be back after the race, Rene," his grandfather said.

MIKE: Just long enough to get her things.

>
> "In the second gate is Lion at the Helm out of the Preakness
>winning Vulcan's Glory.

SERVO: Say, that's quite a long name for a horse.
CROW: Considering it's from Kirk's stables, maybe it should've been Rug on
the Head...
MIKE: Or Paunch over the Belt...
SERVO: Or Hooker is a Good Cop...

> He'll be ridden by the veteran jockey
>Zarok,"

MIKE: The Dinosaur Hunter?

> the announcer said. "In gate three, the retiring jockey
>Karrath, son of Lomec

CROW: Huh? What's that, Carnac, son of Lompoc?

> rides Glorious Kah'Less from the Klingon
>Embassy Stables. In gate four is Father to the Man ridden by
>Frankie ..."

SERVO: [Sinatra] Dat's right, baby! You gotta problem with dat?
*Doobie-doobie-doooooo...*
CROW: So sad he's finally gone.
MIKE: Even sadder - the only real Rat Packer left is *Joey Bishop*.

> "Interesting field," Jay commented. "I didn't know we had
>so many non-human jockeys."

CROW: Oh yeah! You should have been here last week - we had three wombats
and an armadillo entered.

> "The Klingons have been trying to win the Triple Crown since
>they signed the Kitomer Accords and established an embassy in San
>Francisco," Marrissa said.

MIKE: In fact, it was the sole reason they signed the treaty.

> "They have yet to win a Triple Crown
>race, but they keep trying.

MIKE: They had a good chance two years ago, but then the Klingons
started firing their disrupters at the other horses...
CROW: Besides, them horses is good eating!

> Personally, I thought Bat'leth had a
>good chance last year, but Orient Express came out of no where in
>the Derby, and Bat'leth couldn't keep up with that pace and
>strained himself so much that he wasn't able to race until after
>the Belmont."

CROW: And this is important because?
SERVO: Horses are our friends.

> At that point they noticed the last of the horses had been
>placed in the gates. The bell rang and the announcer began his
>call, "And they're off. Loin at the Helm leads out of the gate
>with Shield of Stars on the outside. Glorious Kah'Less pulls
>along the outside as they pass the quarter pole and head into the
>turn.

MIKE: And in last place by forty lengths I believe it is, yes it is,
Feeeeeeeeeitlebauuuuuuuuuuuuum!!!

> Father to the Man is fourth with Old Time's Sake coming up
>fast on the inside, but the front three are pulling away as they
>enter the backstretch.

CROW: Car number 7, *zzzzzzzzzzzzzzoom*! Car number 4, *zzzzzzzzzzzzzzoom*!
Oops, wrong race!

> Kah'Less takes the lead from Lion, but
>Shield continues to move up on the inside, passing Lion as well.

CROW: Lily St. Cyr showing plenty, College Girl and College Boy are
neck'n'neck...

> Lion moves to the outside as they head into the finial turn.
>Shield and Kah'Less are neck and neck. Old Time's Sake leads
>Father to the Man, in fourth.

MIKE: Kidney Stone is passing...

> Down the stretch they come,

SERVO: It's Girdle in the stretch - HARF! HARF! HARF!

>Kah'Less leads for the moment but here comes Shield of Stars,

MIKE: And Mother-in-Law is moving in again.
CROW: NO NO, NOT THAT!!!!

> his
>jockey uses her whip once and Shield takes on an explosive burst
>of speed, leaving Kah'Less to fight with Lion at the Helm for
>second.

CROW: And here comes the winnerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr....

> Shield of Stars crosses the line with a full length's
>lead. Kah'Less places ahead of Lion at the Helm. Father to the
>Man comes in fourth..."

ALL: Feeeeeeeeeitlebauuuuuuuuuuuuum!!!
SERVO: You do realize, of course, we just got more action out of a horse
race than we generally get from one of Steve's battle scenes!
CROW: Well, think about it, Servo - what is calling a horse race but a long
repetitive recitation of names and ranks?

> "It appears that we get to congratulate Isabelle," Jay
>remarked.
> "I believe so," Marrissa said. "Who's representing the
>owners today, Aunt Marie?"

CROW: Yes. Aunt Marie is representing the owners.

> "You are," Marie replied. "Mike is the trainer, and your
>father is the other owner of the stables."
> "Great, another interview," Marrissa grumbled.
> "Just let Isabelle answer most of the questions," Jay
>advised.

CROW: [Marrissa] What was that?
MIKE: [Jay] I-I-I- that is, um, y'see...

> "She is definitely the family star in this event.

SERVO: [Philippe] Yeah, just wait until that lens-louse Marrissa sees
those cameras, then you'll see different.

>
> After the race, Jay escorted Marrissa back to her quarters
>on the Stargazer by way of a family dinner at the Admiralty's in
>house restaurant.

SERVO: Jay even sprung for supersizing the combo!

> Both of the little children had been
>surprisingly well behaved,

MIKE: Marrissa had drugged them into stupefaction.

> although Theresa had been a little too
>talkative. But then again Theresa loved horses and a day at the
>races was bound to excite her.

CROW: I'm not saying anything on this one, either.

> "Good night Marrissa," Jay said at her door. "I hope I'll
>see you sometime soon." He drew his good friend into a romantic
>kiss.

SERVO: Marrissa waited patiently for the pair to finish before saying
goodbye.

> When it ended, Marrissa said goodnight and retreated into
>her quarters. Jay sighed and turned to leave.

MIKE: He'd be a lonely boy yet again.
CROW: [Jay] Well, I survived that pretty much intact - now to gargle
with deuterium slush!

> As he began to walk down the corridor towards the turbolift,
>Captain Washington exited her quarters and called, "Lieutenant,
>may I have a word with you?"

MIKE: [Washington] It's been a week since the horse race, and I need to
know when she plans to bathe again.

> He turned towards her and said, "Yes Captain."
> "You are aware of the opening on the Stargazer

CROW: [Jay] Yes, sir. A big gaping hole. Crew and equipment are constantly
being sucked out into the vacuum of space. We really should do
something about it, sir.

> for a Fighter
>Commander and Second Officer," Captain T'Gwen Washington began.
>Jay nodded. "I've been looking at your record and I think you'd
>be an ideal one."

SERVO: [Washington] You look pretty expendable.

> "How so, sir," Jay responded. "I haven't flown since I
>became Chief of Operations on the Independence."

CROW: I mean, I just can't find a good supplier at the JAG office.
There's no one there who has the goodies that Alexander had...

> "Commander Picard tells me that flying is a skill that you
>never forget," Washington said. "You have an excellent record,
>and unlike Lieutenant Jellico you have command experience.

MIKE: Even though about half of it consisted of wresting power from a
wounded man in a stranded elevator at age 11.

>You've worked well with Commander Picard in the past and we don't
>have time to iron out personality conflicts."

CROW: And since Jay has no personality to begin with, he's ideal!

> "It sounds like you are in a rush to fill the position," Jay
>commented.

SERVO: She'd almost *have* to be!

> "Yes," Captain Washington confirmed. "We ship out in two
>days to join the seventh fleet."

MIKE: [Film narrator] Their destination - Midway!

> "Well I'm not exactly satisfied with my current post at the
>JAG Office," Jay said. "And I just finished the last of the
>classes I came back to the Academy to take. So if you can get
>approval for my transfer aboard, I'd be delighted to take the
>post."

SERVO: After all, Marrissa can't live *forever*, can she? *CAN SHE*?!?!?

> "I'll start work on the paperwork immediately," Captain
>Washington said. "Welcome aboard, Lieutenant."

CROW: [Washington] Sucker!!
MIKE: And may God have mercy on your soul. . .

> "One thing, Captain," Jay said. "Don't let Marrissa know
>until I report in officially. I like to surprise her every once
>in a while."
> "Understood," Washington concluded, turning back into her
>quarters.

SERVO: AHHH!!! Washington's a founder!!

>
>--
>Stephen Ratliff CS Major, Radford University.
>srat...@runet.edu Radford, Virginia 24142-7496
>rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc's polite target. Marrissa Stories Author
>http://www.cs.runet.edu/~sratliff/
>http://www.cs.runet.edu/~sratliff/FAQs/ FAQ Maintainer for ASC.
>
>The ASC Awards run 2/15/98 - 3/25/98
>http://www.cs.runet.edu/~sratliff/awards/
>
>"The path of the prophets sometimes leads into darkness and pain."
> -DS9's "Far Beyond the Stars"

SERVO: [Singing] It's a fine line between darkness and pain...
CROW: So, the moral of the story is, "If you don't like Marrissa, then
you're a sociopath who's obviously unfit for leadership, or
remaining among his fellow members of society?"
MIKE: Pretty much, yeah.
SERVO: Let's just go!
[All leave]

o +2+ -3- (4) {5} [6]

[SoL - Mike & the Bots are gathered on the Bridge. There is a long moment
of silence.]

SERVO: So, then.
MIKE: Well.
CROW: Um-hm.

[Another pause]

CROW: That was IT!? I thought Steve promised us Marrissa was gonna
fail! Didn't he? Cambot, replay intro, 225B, third section.

CAMBOT:
>I wrote "The Walls of Jellico" after trying to come up with problems
>that Marrissa could see herself as causing. One of the biggest
>weeknesses of the Marrissa Stories has always been that Marrissa seems
>to be all powerful and never is wrong, or even thinks she's wrong.
>This, I hope, will change that.

CROW: There, you see? So where's her big failure? I want to see Marrissa
go kerflop right on her maniacal, pompous butt.
SERVO: We all do, but Ratliff never promised us a big failure.
CROW: Wha--?
MIKE: Read the fine print, Crow. It doesn't say anything about failure,
only that she'd be wrong.
CROW: So where was she wrong? I didn't even see that.
MIKE: Well, uh...
SERVO: I think I can help out here. Cambot, 3769F, first section, please.

CAMBOT:
> "I had such hopes for Jellico," Marrissa said. "He was an
>excellent pilot with excellent ratings across the board. If he
>would have just learnt that there is a limit to everything he
>could have been an excellent commanding officer. I hate it when
>I fail with an officer."

SERVO: You see? There's your failure.
CROW: What failure? She was supposed to have some kind of ESP that an
officer with impeccable credentials was actually a weasely little
chump?
MIKE: Well, technically speaking...
CROW: Oh, technically, schmechnically; the fact of the matter is, nothing
that went wrong in this story was Marrissa's fault. She's guilty
only in the sense that she was done in by the incompetence of a
subordinate. Ratliff ripped us off, the louse!
SERVO: Well, nice to see you're not bitter about it.

[Console light flashes]

MIKE: Hey, we got a call comin' in on the Hexfield Viewscreen.

[The Screen parts to reveal Paul Chaplin, dressed in a Starfleet uniform]

ALL: HENRY JELLICO?!??
JELLICO: [very antagonistic tones] Yes, Henry Jellico - the "weasly little
chump", remember?
CROW: What are you doing here?
JELLICO: I found out you were talking about me, and I came to defend myself.
SERVO: *Defend* yourself?
JELLICO: That's right!! Why, the way you and that, that, *peasant* writer
portrayed me, you'd think I was some kind of moral and physical
coward who'd do anything to promote himself at any cost!
CROW: Gee, imagine that!
MIKE: Now I suppose you're going to tell us you'd have gotten away with it
if it weren't for those meddling kids, right?
JELLICO: Oh, sure, mock Jellico!!! Fine!! The truth of the matter is that
I was tricked into confessing! I was framed, Nelson!! Framed, I
tell you!
CROW: Oh, give me a-
JELLICO: It's true! Look, even if I was guilty, do you think I, a seasoned
Star Fleet Officer, would cave in just because I was confronted with
a snotty teenager like that Gordon brat?
SERVO: He's got a point, Mike.
MIKE: [takes a half step forward] Look, Henr-
JELLICO: [Crouches back in terror] AAAAAHHHHHH!!! Stop it! The - the sheer
hatred burning in those eyes!! The relentless questioning!! It's
ripping my soul apart!! I can't take it anymore!! I confess!! I
confess!! Just don't let him get me!! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
CROW: Hey, back off, Nelson!
SERVO: Yeah, ya big bully!
MIKE: [raises his arms to shrug] But all I did was-
JELLICO: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! YOU FIEND!!!!! NO MORE!!! PLEASE!!!
NO MORE!!!!!! [Hexfield closes on his whimpers and screams]
CROW: Gee, you want us to bring you a rubber hose now, Torquemada?!?
SERVO: Destroying whole worlds wasn't enough for you, huh? Now you gotta
go after poor innocent sociopathic killers like Jellico!
CROW: How do you sleep at night, Nelson?

[Crow and Servo wander off, muttering deprecations. Mike raises his arms in
puzzlement]

MIKE: Well, since they're gone, I guess I'll have to tell you: To sign up
on the MiSTing Authors Dibs List, send an e-mail message to
majo...@neylonpc.engin.umich.edu with the message "subscribe
dibslist [<your name>]" in the message body. Oh, and read the FAQ,
and don't work blue, yaddayaddayadda. [Mike continues to wave his
arms as the lights flash] Hey, Ortega, you don't think I'm a scary
guy, do you, ol' buddy?

[CF]
[Ortega screams incoherently and flees from the room]

[There is nothing there for a long moment, then we hear the familiar *pop*
of Observer transporting in. He & Pearl are covered with wind-up spiders.
Bobo stand blithely in the background, playing with what the same monkey
doll, only with a fake big head attached]

OBSERVER: Well - that trip could have gone better
PEARL: Well, at least we didn't drop a bundle at the track. [Surveys spiders
with disgust] But how're gonna get these stupid bugs off of us?
OBSERVER: Well, the best way would be with soda of dichlorium sulfate.
Tragically, I lost my last bottle when Mr.Graceful there tripped
over those eggsacs and let these blasted creatures out in the
first place!!
BOBO: [stroking the doll] I was chasing Little Oook - you upset him!
OBSERVER: In any case, I think the next best remedy is iodine. There's
some in the bathroom, I think.
PEARL: Come on, then. [To Bobo] Booboo, pick up a little around here and
quit mollycoddling that - that thing!
BOBO: His name is Oook! I found him, and I'm going to keep him! Aren't I,
little Oook? Oook oook oook! [He wanders off]
PEARL: Well, the ape's gone off into his own little weird area. [Looks up]
Nelson? What the *heck* are you waving your arms around like that
for?!? Talk about *weird*!
OBSERVER: Never mind him, let's go get that iodine!
PEARL: Yeah. Later, birdboy! [To Brain Guy] Did you think that one guy
looked like that one guy from "Friends"?
OBSERVER: David Duchovny?
PEARL: No, the other one, um, wassisname, Noah Wylie or something...

[AS they leave, a large spidery looking thing rises on a string. It stares
into the camera for a minute, and we hear a maniacal chuckle as the camera
fades to black. It holds on the black for just a moment, as we hear, over
the chuckling:]

BOBO: Hey Lawgiver, do you know where the Black Flag is??
------------------------------------------------------------------------
"THE WALLS OF JELLICO": by Stephen Ratliff
MiSTING: by Bill Livingston (bi...@Traveller.COM), editor; Matt Blackwell
(mbla...@ix.netcom.com); and Kevin Gowen (kgo...@efn.org), with
additonal riffs by The Great Popolino (popa...@pop1.nettaxi.com)
MiSTING DIBS LIST MAINTAINED: by Michael K. Neylon
MR. NEYLON'S WARDROBE: by Botany 500
IN THE SWEET: by and by
SABRINA: the teenage witch
THANKS: to MiSTies, MuSTies, the teachers of America, Diane Duane, Berke
Brethed, RATMMistresses, and that one guy - you know, *him*!

Use of copyrighted and trademarked material and characters is for
entertainment purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights
or trademarks held by others is intended or should be inferred.

No personal insults to author(s), character(s), or situation(s) are or
should be implied. This is your final notice.

Remember - Warp Five: It's not just a bad idea, it's the law!

Keep circulating the posts.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
> Something about the determined vestige of the fourteen
>year old Lieutenant reflected the doom that Jellico felt back
>onto his soul.

#######################################################
bi...@Traveller.COM http:\\www.Traveller.COM\~bill
He that is of a merry heart hath
a continual feast - Prov. 15:15

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