MiSTed: The Rangers of NIHM (2/4)

[Håkan Svensson]

(Continued from part 1)

[Interior, SoL]

TOM: Urgh. This is shaping up to be a really bad one.
CROW: Tell me about it.
MIKE: Come on, guys. Show a little optimism! Sure, the grammar, spelling and
plot are the worst we've encountered yet, but that only means that it
can't get much worse. Besides, Crow, I thought you *liked*... Hey, has
the mads light been on all this time?

[Mike presses the light.]

[Deep 13]

DR. F: Ah, there you are, my little lab rats! You certainly took some time
to answer my call. Well, that doesn't matter, since the experiment
I'm about to inflict on you today is perhaps the most diabolically
evil I've sent you yet. But first... A small invention that is
certain to give me control of the world!

[SoL]

MIKE: Hold on... I thought we stopped doing the invention exchange.

[Deep 13]

DR. F: Yes, I know, but since nothing you could produce could ever match
the ingenuity of my invention, it would be hopeless for you to even
try.

[SoL]

MIKE: Well, actually, I *did* come up with something. We don't get much to
eat here on the satellite, but we seem to manage anyway.
TOM: We don't give that much thought.
MIKE: So, to be able to make some food, I came up with the Crow-O-Matic
2000!

[Mike shows Crow to Cambot. Crow's claws have been relaced with a knife on
one arm and a grater on the other.]

MIKE: Yes! The Crow-o-Matic 2000 chops, slices, dices, shreds, grates,
blends, and much more!
TOM: The Crow-o-Matic 2000 just wants to be your friend!
MIKE: And the Crow-o-Matic 2000 is completely safe to the environment!
TOM: Too bad it's the environment of Venus.
CROW: Hey!
MIKE: Here's a demonstration of just one of the things you can do with your
Crow-o-Matic 2000!

[Mike turns Crow upside down and places his head in a bowl of liquid.]

MIKE: Yes, the Crow-o-Matic 2000 is the most powerful mixer you've ever
used!

[Mike presses a button on Crow and his head starts spinning. As Crow's
head gains momentum, the liquid starts splattering all over Mike and Tom.]

MIKE: Of course, there are still a few bugs left to work out. Did I mention
that the Crow-o-Matic 2000 comes with a built in waffle maker?
CROW: [back to normal] Waffles? Mmmmmmm...
MIKE: Sirs?

[Deep 13]

DR. F: That was well below average for you, just as usual. My invention, on
the other hand, will reduce the brains of everyone in the world to
mush!

[SoL]

MIKE: [sarcastically] Where have we heard that before?

[Deep 13]

DR. F: In the world of music, there are two groups that seem to annoy just
about everyone. One: A certain group of teens with a certain song
that just won't leave your head, because the radio won't stop
playing it. Two: A certain group of goth rockers that have gone all
out to be offensive. My genius is to combine those two into an
amalgamation that will make everyone who hears them a drooling fool!

[SoL]

MIKE: You don't mean...

[Deep 13]

DR. F: Yes! Prepare yourself for ... MARILYN HANSON!

[A curtain raises behind Dr. Forrester to reveal a stage. Four 12- to 14
year olds in black leather clothing and makeup resembling Brandon Lee's
in "The Crow" are standing on it, playing staccato guitar chords and heavy
drum rythms. The singer tries to use a really deep voice, which isn't
quite successful since his voice hasn't gone into breaking. The lyrics are
hard to make out, but seem go something like "mmmm-a-bop... mmmm-a-bop."]

[SoL. Everyone is standing with their mouth open.]

MIKE: Oh... My... Goodness.
CROW: That *hurt*.
TOM: That was *evil*.
MIKE: But we can all agree that is was not quite as bad as the fanfic.
BOTS: Yeah.

[Deep 13]

DR. F: [annoyed] Then, you won't mind if I send you the rest of the fanfic.
Bite down hard, Nelson.

[Sol. Lights, sirens, total pandemonium.]

ALL: NOOOOOOOOO! WE'VE GOT FANFIC SIGN!

[ 6 ... 5 ... 4 ... 3 ... 2 ... 1 ]

>
> ----------------------
>
> Dale is yawning as he is trying to stay awake. He sits up and
> bonks himself

[Mike clamps Crow's beak.]

> on the head. "Got say awake." Dale looks around and
> spots a bread-box truck parked a distance away in another parking
> lot. The lights are on inside. He grabs the binoculars and zooms
> in.
>
> The rounded zoomed in image show two couples in the back seat
> doing . . .

CROW: MMMMMPPPH!!!!
MIKE: Bread. They were baking bread. That's all.

>
> "Oops!"

TOM: Wow, those bread delivery guys sure know how to live it up!

>
> Dale moves the binoculars and zooms on the truck.
>
> Nimnul jumps out of the drivers side.

MIKE: [To Crow] Promise to behave?
[Crow nods. Mike releases his beak.]

>
> Dale almost dropped the binoculars while he reached for the
> radio.
>
> 'CLICK.. In the NEWS today..' "Oops."

CROW: Yes, it's the NEWS! Not just news, but NEWS!

>
> 'CLICK' "Gadget can you hear me?"
>
> Gadget grabs the her homemade transceiver. "I can hear you
> Dale."
>
> "I have spotted Nimnul he's here..and he just went inside his truck."

TOM: Wait! I thought he jumped OUT of the truck?
MIKE: Try not to think about it, honey.
TOM: [sniffling] Okay.

>
> ----------------------
>
> "A.. work of art. It should be after all I made it ha hahaaa."
> Nimnul said as he pulled the cover off a very large robot mole.

TOM: Monty Mole.
MIKE: Huh?

> He opened a hatch inside it and jumped in. "Now time for some
> serious devastation.

MIKE: As opposed to light-hearted devastation?

> COME ON BABY LETS DO THE TWIST!"

TOM: I think this story is twisted enough as it is.

> The robot
> did a dance as it jumped out of the truck.

MIKE: [singing] Dale a tu cuerpo alegria Macarena...
BOTS: *DON'T*!

> It looked at the
> building and dug it way under ground.
>
> ----------------------
>
> "Nimnul! Come on guys, lets get to the roof!" Chip said as
> they ran through the heating ducts.

CROW: After getting badly singed, they decided to try the ventilation ducts
next time.

>
> The duct shook. They stopped and Chip looked at Gadget. "What
> was that?"
>
> There was a violent shake.

MIKE: McDonalds milkshakes are getting vicious!

> "It feels like a.... EARTHQUAKE!!"
> Gadget yelled.

TOM: EARTHSHAKER!!

>
> Dale felt the hole building shaking. "What the!!." Dale looked
> over the edge and saw what looked like a very large mole trail
> pushing the ground up as it moved underground.

CROW: So the ground moved underground and was pushing the ground up?

> The guards ran out of
> the building.
>
> "CRIKEY HANG ON MATES!!" The duck shook violently and the
> Rangers got banged around inside. Jonathan felt the duck giving way
> from its supports. [CREAK....SNAP!]

TOM: No, ducks actually go more like "quack."

> The metal tube dropped down and
> the Rangers slid down it like a water slide.
>
> Gadget was the first to fall out of the tube on to the ground.
> She got out of the way as the rest rolled out of the tub.

MIKE: Remember, most accidents in the home occur in the bathroom.

>
> ---------------------
>
> The earthquake stopped. "Is everyone ok?" Gadget said.
>
> "I guess I.." Jonathan said as another quake hit. A large
> robot mole dug its way through the floor knocking over a large piece
> of equipment.

MIKE: They have equipment under the floor?

>
> "GADGET LOOK OUT!" Gadget tried to run out of the way.
> 'CRASH!!' It fell on top of her. "NO GADGET!"

TOM: *Now* there isn't.

> Monty ran to it and
> tried to lift but there was no way he could move that not even a
> strong human could do it. The whole group tried. "NAAAAAERRGGGG"

CROW: Way to go on the Spice Girls impression!

>
> ----------------------
>
> The mole stopped and a hatch open. "I always said that heavy
> metal would bring the house down hahahhahaaaa."

ALL: [muted trumpet] Wahh-wah-wah-waaah...

> Nimnul said as he
> hoped out

MIKE: Abandon hope, all ye who read this story.

> and walked to a near by safe. He looked at it.
>
> "Hmmm 3 feet of titanium. Oh well."

TOM: [Nimnul] Might as well give up now.

>
> Nimnul hit a button on his remote

TOM: [Beavis] This sucks! Change it!

> and the mole walked up to the
> safe. A slot opened on its nose and a small ray gun aimed at the
> safe.
>
> 'SAWWIISHHHH..' A freeze ray froze the safe door.

MIKE: Great. Suddenly it's "Batman & Robin."
CROW: Why am I not surprised?

> Nimnul
> walked to the safe and pulled out a small hammer from his jacket.
> "Knock, Knock." He said as he hit the door with the hammer. The
> safe door shattered like glass.

TOM: Metal does not turn brittle when frozen. This statement was brought
to you by the society for the advancement of actual physics.

>
> "Tisk, Tisk they don't build safes like that use to Haha ha
> haa." He walks in.

CROW: Oh, I think bad guys have always been able to open safes.

>
> ----------------------
>
> "Gadget can you hear me!" Jonathan yelled out.

MIKE: Gadget, can you see me!

>
> There was no reply from the wreckage. The roof started to
> collapse.

TOM: Nimnul wants to raid the safe, so he demolishes the building while
he's inside. Makes *perfect* sense.

>
> "We've got to get out of here the whole place is coming down.
> JB come on there nothing we can do!!" Monty grabbed him and pulled
> him away.
>
> "NO WE CAN'T JUST LEAVE HER. LET ME GO!"

CROW: And now, for those who missed it, a replay of the ending of "The
Secret of NIMH."
TOM: Except this is not very good.

>
> He pulled free from Monty. Jonathan's amulet glowed bright.
> Chip went to grab him but something froze him in place. JB whole
> body seemed to be on fire.

MIKE: [Jonathan] Hmm. Something doesn't seem right. Oh, yeah, I'm on fire.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!

>
> Nimnul heard what sounded like fire but something was different.
> He ran into the other room. "Its those rodents... WHAT THE *HECK?*"
>
> Nimnul was struck with awe as he watched the strange glowing
> mouse.

CROW: [Nimnul] Man... I gotta cut back on my medication!

> Jonathan walked to the piece of equipment like he was in a
> trance.

TOM: [Makes zombie-like grunting sounds]

> He placed his paws on its surface. The equipment lifted off
> the ground. Gadget was lying underneath it.

MIKE: After having something that heavy fall on her, I wonder how much of
Gadget was left.
CROW: [Jonathan] Hey, Dale, get me the putty knife!

> Jonathan reached out to
> her and she floated towards him and was cradled gently in his arms.

MIKE: I mean, Gadget couldn't *possibly* have survived that?

> Gadget was also covered in the same glow as he. The equipment landed
> gently on the ground.

MIKE: [desperately] Not even *these* authors would do something so stupid
as resurrecting someone crushed under a heavy object?

> Jonathan looked towards a near by wall and
> pointed at it.

MIKE: [starts sobbing] Not even... Oh, my God.
TOM: I know how it feels, Mike.

> A fire ball formed in his hand and shot towards the
> wall, blasting a hole threw it to the outside.

TOM: HARUYKEN!
CROW: Somehow, I don't think this is quite what Robert O'Brien had in mind.
MIKE: [still sobbing] I *know*!

> The other Rangers
> followed him outside.

TOM: So, the magic amulet can be used to save babes you have the hots for?
MIKE: [holding back his tears] Looks like it.

>
> Nimnul saw them leaving. "NO COME BACK..'THUD'." The hole
> wasn't big enough for him. "I must get that mouse! He just called
> Mickey a wimp in the magic department without saying a word!!

CROW: If Mickey usually does as well as he did in "Fantasia," *Rincewind*
could give him a wedgie in the magic department.

> The
> powers he must have--I MUST HAVE IT!!" Nimnul said as he ran inside.

TOM: Inside? So now Nimnul *did* get through the hole?
MIKE: [sniffs] This story gets *more* and *more* stupid with each chapter.

>
> The glow faded away and Jonathan collapsed to the ground.
> Gadget fell out of his arms

MIKE: More like seeped trough his arms...
CROW: She's alive, Mike. Get over it.

> and rolled gently on the ground.
>
> "Jonathan? Gadget?" Chip said.

TOM: Chief!
CROW: McCloud?

>
> They where both out cold.

TOM: The Mouse who came in from the cold!

>
> "Chipper we'd better get them back to the tree." Monty said as
> Dale landed the Ranger Plane nearby.

CROW: There is a perfectly logical explanation for why they landed somewhere
else instead of flying to the tree, but we're leaving it as an
exercise for the reader.

>
> ----------------------
>
> Justin looked at the magic viewing sphere

TOM: Eh, Justin, it's called a TV.
CROW: Just because NIMH made the rats smart doesn't mean they're good
with technology.

> and watched as the
> rangers pulled Jonathan and Gadget into the plane.

MIKE: Previously, on The Rangers of NIMH.

> "Jonathan used
> the amulet and is weak, old friend, I fear for him. He may need your
> help." A old mouse looked into the viewer. "Just like his great-
> grandfather, always risking himself for others."
>
> The mouse limped away using a cane.

CROW: On whom?

>
> ----------------------
>
> "Gadget, are you ok?"

MIKE: Well, apart from being pulped by falling machinery, she's all right.

>
> Gadget opened her eyes. "I think so.."

ALL: [sigh deeply]
TOM: Well, it was inevitable.

> She sat up and tried to
> stand. "OUCH!.. I think I hurt my ankle."

MIKE: [Dale] Actually, your ankle is all right. We just had to give you new
legs, arms, a new torso... We made you the six million dollar mouse!

> Gadget sat down again
> holding her foot. She turned her head and saw Jonathan laying there
> near her. "Jonathan! Is he alright?"

TOM: Oh, he burnt to a cinder trying to save you. Don't worry about it.

>
> "I can't tell Gadget love. It's as if he is in a deep sleep. I
> tried to wake him but... nothing.

CROW: [McCoy] His *brain* is gone!
TOM: How did they notice?

> What ever that amulet did it must
> have taken a lot out of him." Monty said looking at him.

MIKE: [Monty] And since there wasn't much there in the first place, that's
pretty bad.

>
> "I think I should get some help. He might need a doctor." Chip
> said as he put his hat on.

CROW: [Hums the Indiana Jones theme]

>
> Just as Chip opened the door a old mouse knocked on his head.
> "Hey!"

MIKE: No, Ajax. *First* you open the door, *then* you walk through it.

>
> "Sorry there young one." He looked over and saw Jonathan. "I
> believe I have found the right place. I'm Doctor Ages, a friend of
> Jonathan."

TOM: Three generations of Brisbys later, and that old geezer is still
*alive*?
CROW: Hey, did you really expect continuity in this fanfic?

>
> ----------------------
>
> "Can some one help me remove his shirt." Gadget watches as Chip
> helps him remove Jonathan's shirt.

CROW: Wait, let me guess. Does this means Chip is helping Gadget remove
Jonathan's shirt?
MIKE: I think so. I'm not sure.

> Gadget gaze is fixed on his
> chest. Jonathan tightly fitted muscles show.

TOM: [Yoda] Train you must. Patience you must have, yes?

> 'He not an Arnold but
> I give him a 10 anyways.' She thinks to her self.

MIKE: So, he's a Chippendales Rescue Ranger.

>
> "Golly . . . He sure is well developed."

TOM: Actually, I think he's a bit overexposed.

> A small thought comes
> to mind as she looks down. Like a flash she changed the channel.

CROW: [Gadget] Oh, WOW! Look at his...
MIKE: CROW!

>
> "It's the effect's of the formula. Mice and Rats from NIMH some
> times over-develop, they become more humanoid." Gadget looks at
> herself.

TOM: [Gadget] Excuse me. Time for my hourly self-admiration.

> Mr Ages opens his bag and pulls out some very impressive
> medical equipment.
>
> "They actually make them that small?" Chip says.

CROW: I'm not touching this one.

>
> "Who? . . . Oh I made them with some rats.

MIKE: How ingenious! Advanced medical equipment made out of rats!

> You wouldn't believe
> how many house calls I get at times just so they can watch me use
> these things."

TOM: [Mr. Ages] Bunch of sickos!

> He opens a eye lid and flashes a small light on the
> eye.

MIKE: [Mr. Ages] Ohhh... Look at the pretty colors!

>
> "Is his eyes dilated?" Gadget asks.
>
> "No." He uses a stethoscope and listens to his chest. "Hmmm..."

TOM: [Mr. Ages] Well, my heart seems to be OK. Now, let's listen to
Jonathan's.

>
> Gadget hopes over.

CROW: *Our* hope's over.

> "May I?" The doctor hands it over. "His
> breathing seems normal. Hmmm..." She says.
>
> Dale yawns as he tries to stay awake.

MIKE: Oh, so he's reading this too.

> Chip and Monty sit at the
> table sharing some cheese. A short time later.

TOM: We are provided with. More sentence fragments.

>
> "Just like the last time." He grabs some bottles and mixes up
> something for him.

MIKE: The Rescue Rangers and their martini lunches. Sheesh.

>
> "Golly you mean that this has happened before?" Gadget says
> looking at Jonathan's amulet.
>
> "I'm afraid so. The amulet's power is only limited by one's own
> inner strength. He may one day master it.

CROW: [Dr. Ages] But until then, he'll end up hurt like this every time he
uses it. The strange thing is, he almost seems to enjoy it!

> But until then it will
> cause him to over exert himself. I'll give him something to help his
> metabolism to recover.

TOM: I never metabolism that I didn't like.

> But he will need to take it easy for a day or
> two."
>
> Doctor Ages gives the drink to Jonathan and helps him swallow
> it. He's too weak to stay awake.

CROW: No wonder, at Dr. Ages' age.

>
> "Now its your turn young lady, sit down and let me look at that
> foot of yours." Gadget sits down and lets him work. He moves the
> foot around.

MIKE: Then he swung his hips and boogied on down.

> "OUCH!" Gadget says. "There's no broken bones its
> just swollen bad. [He pulls out a small bottle.] Here drink this;
> it will help with the swelling and pain."

CROW: It's a morning after pill.

>
> "Your a very smart lady err.."

MIKE: Well, to err is rodental.

> He says as he raps up her foot
> in a bandage.

TOM: Yo! Mc Ages is checkin' the foot, man!

>
> "Gadget."
>
> "Oh yes; sorry my short term memory is not what it used to be.
> Have you praticed medicine before."

CROW: [Gadget] Sure, I've practiced, but I've never actually done it.

>
> "Not that much I learned alot from reading." Gadget says as he
> finshed with her leg.

TOM: Gadget just had a mid-sentence sex change.

>
> "Reading is good; it's how to form young minds, not with all
> this mindless human programs on TV.

MIKE: Too bad the authors didn't follow this advice.

> Though I do like that show with
> those strange mice who are trying to take over the world.

TOM: Oh, the anthropomorphic version of the Marrissa stories.
CROW: *That* was an image I could have done without.

> Be careful
> with that foot for the rest of this week G..Gadget."

TOM: Great, now the fanfic features Slippy Toad.

>
> "Well lets get to bed every one. We have a long day ahead of
> us. Mr. Ages you can stay the night here if you want we have a empty
> room for guests." Chip said as he yawned and pushed Dale over.

MIKE: Chips's such a pushover.

>
> 'THUD'
>
> "Hey!" Dale said as awoke from his light sleep.

TOM: Small hint to the writers: Quickening the pace of the story does not
mean leaving out important words in sentences.

>
> "Much abliged I need to talk to Jonathan in the morning."

MIKE: "I don't *care* if he's in a coma, I want to talk to him anyway."

>
> "This way." Dale said as he walked the old mouse to the guest
> room.

CROW: Hey, that's no place to sleep... Oh, the *guest* room! Sorry.

>
> "Gadget are you going to bed?" Chip asked.
>
> "Yes but I want to stay with Jonathan for a little while."

TOM: [Gadget] Comatose guys just make me *hot*!
MIKE: Tom...

>
> "There's no reason Gadget, he should be alright." Chip was
> trying to find a excuse to keep Gadget away from him.

MIKE: So Chip is scared of girls?
CROW: Chip and Dale? I could never have guessed!

>
> "Chip he saved my life. It's the least I could do for him."

TOM: Go to bed with him?
MIKE: This is wrong in *every* way imaginable.

>
> Monty put his big paw on Chip shoulder and shakes his head at
> him.

CROW: [Monty] You had Gadget last night. It's Jonathan's turn now.
MIKE: Don't you think that one was a *little* bit in bad taste?
CROW: [without hesitation] No.

>
> "oh.. OK Gadget, good night." Chip walks away with Monty and
> looks back as he turns the light out.

TOM: Good thing they have electricity in the Ranger tree.

>
> --------------------
>
> Gadget is seen sleeping next to Jonathan. He sleeps quietly
> next to her as his amulet glows dimly and gives off a faint glow in
> the darkness.

CROW: [Gadget] 'Never happened to me before', he says! Hmph!

>
> In another time. In another place . . .

TOM: In a lame fanfic far, far away!
CROW: We wish!

>
> In a hurricane of wind and fire . . .
>
> Gadget Hackwrench is swept away . . .
>
> Buffeted at all sides . . .
>
> Shredding into her clothes . . .

TOM: She turned into her own clothes??

>
> Stinging her eyes . . .
>
> Drowning out her cries for help . . .

CROW: I think the story just coughed, sputtered and died.
MIKE: It did that in the first sentence.

>
> Feeling all hope for a way out fade . . .

TOM: Oh, we know the feeling!

>
> Convinced that this demon wind will have her for eternity, as a
> toy, batting her around like a cat too bored to eat her.
>
> Indeed. This would be her fate . . . had her cries not been
> heard, that is.
>
> A arm stretched out for her, she uses all her strength to reach
> it.

TOM: And it's suddenly snatched away, an ethereal voice saying, "Psych!"

>
> The arm pulls her out of the collumn of violent air, straight
> into the eyes of:
>
> "Jonathan--"

MIKE: [Jonathan] Ow, my eye!!

>
> Suddenly, vertigo, a fall, Gadget realizes that she was fifty
> feet above an ocean . . .

CROW: Yep, cartoon laws of gravity are in effect.

>
> The splash shot up five feet into the air.
>
> She finds out that the remains of the overall that was shredded
> in the hurricane was promptly removed by the impact in water.

TOM: Luckily, she wasn't wearing the overall that was shredded in the
hurricane.

>
> "Great, there goes the 'TV-Y' rating, I'm really going to get
> Jeffrey for this," she thinks as she sinks into the deep.

MIKE: WHAT??
CROW: Ladies and gentlemen, the first fanfic actually written under the
influence of LSD!
TOM: I think we're seeing things in the psyches of the authors that Man
Was Not Meant To See.

> Her
> naughty bits are not shown

MIKE: [british] Since they were *very* naughty bits for their time.

> (The Disney-owned camera is treating this
> in the same matter as the beach scene in "The Little Mermaid," God
> bless them.)

CROW: Ah-tchoo!
TOM: Guys, this is pain on a whole new level.

> , but as those came arms reach out for her back, it is
> apparent that the elements have completely stripped her.

TOM: Earth, Air, Fire, and Water being such perverts, after all.

>
> And she was too exausted to care over it, as two seashells
> covers her breasts and is tied at the back a la Ariel.

CROW: [church lady] How conveeeeeeeeenient!

>
> As a skirt of seaweed and palm leaves is wrapped around her
> waist.

TOM: This had better not be accompanied by a musical number!

>
> As hands carees her sides and carries her back to the surface.
> To air.

MIKE: Thanks for making that clear! I thought the air was below the
surface.

>
> Gadget inhales gallons as Jonathan wraps one arm from behind.

TOM: Try smoking without inhaling the next time, and maybe your fanfics
won't be so freaked out.

>
> "We're in the hurricane's eye," he says as he paddles from
> underneath. "We're safe from the wind here. Breath deeply, Gadget
> Love.

MIKE: Gadget Love? Isn't that a song by Kraftwerk?

> I need you to float so I can carry you to land."

TOM: [Jonathan] Once your corpse starts bloating with gas, I'll drag you
to land.

>
> "i don't have much choice," she says, half-conscious, as she
> lets her body go limp and listens to her hero swim to shore.

MIKE: Leaving her behind.
CROW: *blub* *blub* *gulp*

>
> Into the sandy beach, as he dragged her to dryer ground.

CROW: [siren sounds]
TOM: Hello? Sentence police. Are you aware that you have been driving
around completely in fragments for most of this chapter?

>
> Once he was sure that she was safe, Jonatahan laid down on the
> sand away from Gadget, who slowly opened her eyes to view the chaotic
> storm that angerly rages around her,

TOM: Angerly?
CROW: I see the authors went to the Stephen Ratliff school of adverbs.

> but unable to take over this
> topical island.

TOM: Why would Gadget want to take over a tropical island?
MIKE: Because it would be a piece in an intricate scheme to TAKE OVER
THE WORLD!

>
> 'Dreams have a way of being shaped by whatever's happening when
> we're awake,' Gadget thinks to herself.

TOM: So, what would this dream symbolize?
CROW: That this is the wrong week for Gadget to quit sniffing glue.

> 'This hurricane can be a
> symbol of what is going on with me, and believe me there's an awful
> lot: It's not just the cancelation of our series,

MIKE: [Gadget] ...there's this fanfic as well.

> there's the
> universal turmoil over Michael Eisner's upcoming retirement.

CROW: Well, I see how that would... *WHAT?*

> It's
> not that I blame him at all with his medical condition, I mean, after
> an emergency quadruple bypass, noone should keep going as hard and
> fast as he's been doing, and he still hasn't slowed down yet. Sooner
> or later he's gotta do so or else he'll just drop dead where he
> stands just like that baseball umpire did on opening day.

MIKE: Gadget Hackwrench: Disney Corporation stockholder.
TOM: If the stupidity meter wasn't broken already...

> And
> there's Chip and Dale being accepted into the Rescue Aid Society as
> well. That means that not only will the Rescue Rangers break up, but
> all chances of me going steady with either chipmunk goes out the
> window, much to my sadness. I guess spending too much time on my
> inventions has taken its toll.

TOM: Invention toll ahead. Please pay $10.

> And now, Jonathan. Who *is* this
> guy? I know he's a descendant of a Rat of NIMH--actually, a *Mouse*
> of NIMH--something that I *could* be myself,

CROW: Remember, kids: "foreshadowing." Your clue to abominable fanfics.

> but I'm not sure--how
> did he pulled me out of the building?

MIKE: You see, there are these extremities called "arms" which, when used
together with extensions known as "hands", are capable of carrying
objects...

> --how did my clothes get
> stripped bare . . . This 'Little Mermaid' outfit helps a bit . . .
> but won't he try something . . . with me . . .'

TOM: Girl, if I were you, I'd worry less about Jonathan and more about the
authors!

>
> Her mind was racing faster than her mouth at a moment, then
> emptied itself of all coherent thoughts.

MIKE: Too easy. I'm not gonna say it.

> She rolled her head to the
> side Jonathan was at.
>
> He was flat on his back as well, wrearing only denium cuttoffs,

CROW: Denium? Isn't that stuff that the Enterprise is made out of?

> shilloetted by a sunset that blases between the horizon and the
> cloudbank.

TOM: The sun had entered its red giant phase, destroying the earth and the
mice with it. The end.

> His head was tilted away from her and his eyes were
> closed. He looked rather hunky, for a mouse, but he wasn't being
> threatening at all.
>
> "You okay, Gadget Love," he said.
>
> "Yeah, JB. Thanks a lot."

TOM: [Gadget] It was just a *small* heroin OD!

>
> Gadget awoke that morring holding JB's paw in her's. He was
> smiling..

CROW: Bomp-chicka-bomp-wow... bomp-chicka-bomp-wow...
MIKE: Oh, please don't let them SHOW this -- *please*!
TOM: I *really* think we should go now.

[They leave the theater]

(Continued in part 3)