MiSTed: Zebeckras in Wonderland (2/3)
Jen White6
> Zebeckras walks into the house and up to the black piglet's room. She
> begins to search through his things.
Tansit: What kind of "things" does a piglet have?
> Zebeckras: Now if I were a piglet, where would I keep my umbrella?
Brak: Right behind your back, like you had the mallet you smashed that
door with?
> She spots a box that reads "eat me" and opens it up in curiosity. She spots
> chocolate winky doodles inside.
>
> Zebeckras: Mmmm.... chocolate. Yum!
>
> She takes a bite and grow to a gargantuan size. That's what happens when
> you eat too many sweets. ;)
Brak: But if you put it in coffee you'll get smaller.
Tansit: Why?
Brak: Ever heard of Sweet 'n Low?
> P-chan: AHHHHH!!! There's a monster in my house! A giant! AHHHHH!!!
>
> Zebeckras: Oh lordy.
>
> P-chan: Help! There's a monster in my house, Gizmo.
>
> Zebeckras: Gizmo?
Brak: [Gizmo the mogwai] Bright light! Bright light!
> Gizmo: Well now, little Gizmo buddy, it couldn't be that bad... ACK! A
> MONSTER!!!
Brak: [singing] C is for cookie, that's good enough for me.
> P-chan: Told you. Now get rid of it!!
>
> Gizmo: Hmmm... to get rid of it we need a... a...
Brak: A policeman!
Tansit: A big flit gun!
Lokar: A delete key.
> a lizard with a
> paintbrush! Oh Camille!
[All are quiet for a moment.]
Tansit: Well ... that's original, at least.
> Camille: Yes?
>
> Gizmo: I need you.
>
> Camille: Well, I'm $15 the first hour, $5 for each additional hour...
Brak: Hey, that's pretty cheap! Wonder if she can paint my place?
Lokar: She's not - oh, forget it.
> Gizmo: No! No like that! I need you to help me out.
>
> Camille: Of your pants?
Tansit: Huh? What? Eww!
> Gizmo: NO! I need you to get-
>
> Camille: Some Reddi-Wip to cover you in? I always keep a can handy!
Brak: Uh, guys, this is making me feel icky inside.
Tansit: You're not the only one.
> Gizmo: AGH! Okaay... um, paint a ladder, get that other girl out, and I'll
> meet you upstairs.
>
> Camille: Want me to wrestle around with her in a bikini first?
Brak: [unhappily] I don't like this story.
Lokar: This trek into the authors' psyche is becoming quite an adventure
indeed.
> Gizmo: NO! Just get her out!!
>
> Camille: Okay, okay. Lemme just figure out how to get this darn paintbrush
> to work!
Brak: Ya got it plugged in?
> Camille proceds to splash paint all over trying to figure out exactly how
> the paintbrush works. She tries to draw a ladder, but instead winds up
> drawing a rocket, which then ignites and sends Camille flying into space.
Tansit: Hey, why's Camille Chameleon trying to paint things? Wasn't that
Splatterphoenix's bit?
Brak: Huh! I didn't think of that.
Lokar: After all we've read, are you *truly* concerned with
characterization?
> Gizmo: Welp, there goes Camille...
>
> P-chan: Poor Camille...
Lokar: Poor red herring. Poor superfluous plot tangent.
Brak: We hardly knew ya.
> Zebeckras- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
>
> P-chan: Well, now what?
>
> Gizmo: We'll burn the house down!
Brak: [singing] Burnin' down the house!
> P-chan: Um, okay... WAIT! No! Um...
>
> Gizmo: We'll burn the house all down, down into the ground!
>
> Zebeckras: But you'll burn me, too!
Tansit: [Gizmoduck] What's your point?
> P-chan: So?
Tansit: Yeah, so?
> Zebeckras: You can't kill me!
Tansit: You can do anything if you think you can, my son.
Lokar: Ahem, we already used that joke once before.
Tansit: Oh, get off my back! You can't do any better!
> Gizmo: And why is that?
>
> Zebeckras: Because... because... I'm speshil!!
Lokar: [aghast] 'Speshil'?!
> Gizmo: How so?
>
> Zebeckras: Well... I'm a very rare breed of... me!
Brak: She got a "Best in Breed" certificate to prove it.
> P-chan: Kill her anyway.
Brak and Tansit: [chanting] Kill her anyway! Kill her anyway!
Lokar: My, aren't we the bloodthirsty mob today.
Tansit: If they kill her now, we won't have to sit through the rest of this
story.
All: Kill her anyway!
> Zebeckras: You can't! I'm the last of the very rare breed of Me! I'll
> become extinct!
>
> At this moment, a huge group of animal rights activists storm into the
> scene. They carry huge signs and hold them high up bravely shouting things
> like, "Save Zebeckras!" They form a wall around P-chan's house. They rant
> and rave, determined to set the Zebeckras free!
>
> P-chan: what are you doing?
>
> Activists: Let Zebeckras free, the rare breed of Me!
>
> Gizmo: Well how do you plan on doing this?!
>
> Activists: Let Zebeckras free, the rare breed of Me!
Lokar: [quietly] I am *shocked*.
Brak: Huh? That all these activists came outta nowhere?
Lokar: No. I'm shocked that the writers substantially deviated from their
plagiarism for a moment.
> Zebeckras: Ohhhh, this is silly.
Lokar: It is my pleasure to present the Understatement of the Year Award
to Zebeckras.
> The activists break down P-chan's house piece by piece. Zebeckras is free.
> The activists give her a glass of Mountain Dew to drink. She takes it,
> gulps it down, and shrinks even shorter than she normally is.
Tansit: Y'know, I get the feeling that if you handed her a bottle of floor
wax, she'd drink it.
> P-chan: Oh my goodness goodness! I'm lost, I'm lost, I'm lost!
Lokar: Apparently he has forgotten that this scene is set at HIS OWN
HOUSE.
> Zebeckras: Wait! P-chan! Wait for me!
Brak: Y'know, she's got "stalker" written all over her.
> Zebeckras runs into the forest after P-chan and gets her self lost.
Brak: Looks like she's been around P-chan too much. Gettin' lost is
catching.
> What
> appears to be a jungle that she's walking into, isn't a jungle at all. It's
> a flower garden, and a very beautiful one at that.
Brak: Well, if ya gotta get lost, ya might as well do it somewhere
pretty.
> But since Zebeckras was
> shrunk so drastically, a little flower garden seemed like a mighty jungle.
> So she gets lost very easily inside.
>
> Zebeckras: DAMMIT! WHERE THE HELL AM I NOW?!?!
Brak: Potty mouth! There are KIDS readin' this, ya know!
Lokar: [to Zebeckras] Whilst I understand your impatience, and even
sympathize to some degree with your confusion ... oh, bugger it all, I don't
bloody know either.
> Wendy: Welcome to our garden!
Brak: [singing] We got fun and games!
Lokar: Yet another incidental character appears with no introduction and
will most likely disappear from the narrative as soon as is convenient.
Tansit: It's Wendy the Good Little Witch! Wonder if Casper will show up?
> Zebeckras: Oh hello! My name is Zebeckras.
>
> Wendy: Hi! I'm the head Mozekateer.
Lokar: And that's all the introductory exposition you will get from me!
Tansit: What's a Mozekateer?
Brak: I hear they wear funny turbans and dance around in the desert and
do weird ceremonies worshipin' Mickey Mouse.
> Zebeckras: Yeah, hi, so did a black piglet come by here?
>
> Wendy: Wanna hear a song?
Brak: I do! I like to sing!
Lokar: [to Brak] Is that what you call it?
> Zebeckras: No.
Brak: Aww...
> Wendy: Too bad. We shall sing "Disney Afternoon"
Lokar: Ah, yes, I knew it was about time for another incidental character
to become thoroughly annoying.
> Mozekateers: All the fan boys and fan femmes get together,
Lokar: The trouble begins right there: Put fan boys and fan femmes
together and they're sure to beget fan babies, thus ensuring the continuation
of the vicious cycle.
Brak: I thought the giant bird of Tranzor brought babies.
Tansit: No! You order 'em from the hospital!
> To watch Mozenrath and other toons.
>
> There's "One Saturday Morning" cartoons,
>
> In the Disney Afternoon.
Tansit: Morning cartoons in the afternoon?
> Mozenrath is being chased down the hillside,
>
> By a bunch of fanfemmes that are loons.
Brak: [Pot] Kettle! Hey, Kettle! You're black!
> And Launchpad loves Beth Webfoot,
>
> In the Disney Afternoon.
Tansit: Wait. Beth Webfoot wasn't ever in The Disney Afternoon!
Lokar: Don't tell me that you watch those shows.
Tansit: So what if I do?
[Lokar shakes his head.]
> The Disney Afternoon.
Brak: D'ya ever get that creepy-
Lokar: YES! Now SHUT UP!
> There are duck and kitty mutants
Brak: Mutants!?
Tansit: There weren't any duck and cat mutants, either!
Lokar: [tiredly] Congratulations on discerning a factual error in this
story, Tannie. Perhaps next you will find us a STRAW in a HAYSTACK.
> That make Mozenrath peeved
Lokar: Who *is* this Mozenrath character everyone seems to be infatuated
with?
> And the crazy fan femmes love the very
Brak: I dunno, but I wish I had girls after me like he does.
> Tortured life Moze leads.
Brak: Then again, maybe not.
Lokar: I feel his pain.
> You can learn a lot of things from the perverts
>
> That draw all of those Splatter nudes.
Brak: Ew! Who wants to see a duck with no clothes on?
Lokar: Someone profoundly disturbed indeed.
> There's no wealth or knowledge in Bonkers,
Tansit: Or entertainment, either.
> All in the Disney Afternoon.
>
> All in the Disney Afternoon, the Disney Afternoon!
Tansit: In the what again?
> Zebeckras: You can't learn anything whatsoever,
>
> From the Mozekateers and all those fools.
>
> Moze has no wealth or romance,
Lokar: Somehow I don't believe she's getting into the spirit of the song.
> All-
>
> Mozekateers: in the Disney Afternoon
>
> LA LA LAAAAAAAAAAA!
>
> *cymbal crash*
Tansit: Hey! Launchpad's flying the cymbal!
Lokar: Well, Launchpad IS a cymbalton.
Brak: Hey! You made a pun!
Lokar: [muttering, ashamed] This story is destroying my mind.
> Zebeckras: Moze is such a loser!
Brak: Uh oh...
Tansit: She's never heard of General Custer, I bet.
> Mozekateers: WHAT?!?
>
> Wendy: What kind of Mozekateer are you?!?
Tansit: She's a Zebeckras Mozeketeer! They're very rare, y'know.
Brak: Looks like they're about to get one rarer.
> Zebeckras: I'm not! Moze sucks! He's such a big loser.
>
> Wendy: AGH! LIAR!
>
> Zebeckras: I AM NOT A MOZEKATEER!
Brak: I knew it! There's gonna be a fight!
Tansit: Twenty bucks on the one in the funny-lookin' turban.
Brak: Yer on!
> Wendy: Get her girls! Kill her!
>
> Everyone chases Zebeckras out of the flower garden. Then Zebeckras walks
> farther on.
Lokar: And exactly what just happened? I'm lost...
Brak: And you're not even P-chan!
> Lar: AEIOUandsometimesY... AEIOUandsometimesY... AEIOUandsometimesY...
Lokar: Y indeed.
Tansit: Y ask Y?
> Zebeckras walks up to a caterpilLar, who, at the time, is painting letters
> and chanting.
Brak: Gee, most people write letters. Sending paintings must take a
lotta postage.
> Lar: Whooo R U?
Tansit: [Zebeckras] Zebeckras M I, and I'm from Fangirls R Us.
> Zebeckras: Why, I'm Zebeckras. But I'm not really myself, because I've
> changed so much. But no one else is me, so I am myself, do you see?
>
> Lar: I do not C. Whooo R U?
Brak: F u cn rd ths, u cn b a shrthnd sctry & ern hi pa.
> Zebeckras: I don't know! If I was me, I would not be so confused, but if
> I'm not me, who is? Everything is just so confusing you know.
>
> Lar: I do not know.
>
> Zebeckras: Well, I...
>
> Lar: Recite.
Lokar: Or, emulate the writers of this story and plagiarize.
> Zebeckras: Hm? Oh, um, there once was a man from Venus...
>
> Lar: STOP! I will tell it to you correcitecically. It goes:
Tansit: And doesn't come back.
> How does the little mallard make his ego shine,
>
> Lavender Feline grins cheerfully and eagerly builds his shrine.
Lokar: Oh, how proud he must be to have associates of such high caliber.
> How mysteriously he flaps his cape
>
> Saving citizens from evil and rape.
Brak: [shocked] Huh! I musta missed THAT episode!
> Behind his purple costume he hides,
>
> Then home in the Ratcatcher he rides.
Tansit: Sounds like someone else we know, 'cept it's a white costume and a
Phantom Cruiser.
[All three snicker]
> Zebeckras: Well, that sure is some interesting poetry.
Lokar: No, it is not.
> Lar: I know. I improoooved it.
Brak: Eat mor chikin!
> Zebeckras: You improved poetry?
Lokar: Hardly. The *original* was amusing.
> Lar: Yes. How do U like it?
>
> Zebeckras: It sounded nice to me.
>
> Lar: U? Whooo R U???
Brak: Y'ever get this creepy-
Tansit: [to Lar] Turn the page, ya fathead!
> Lar splashes paint around and a lot of it lands on Zebeckras. She becomes
> furious that her clothes are covered in paint and storms off.
Tansit: Don't go away mad! Just go away!
> Lar: You there! Wait! Girl! Come back! I have something important to tell
> you!
>
> After Zebeckras had quickly stormed off she turned around and goes back.
Brak: [Zebeckras] All right, but if I read one more flame war, I'm
leaving for good this time!
Tansit: Promises, promises.
> Zebeckras: *sigh* What could he want now?
>
> Zebeckras finds the caterpilLar laying upside down on a large mushroom and
> painting circles.
Brak: Um, if he's laying upside down on top of a mushroom, what's he
painting on?
> Zebeckras: What is it?
>
> Lar: Keep your temper.
Lokar: Sound advice which some we know would be well advised to heed.
Tansit: They never do, though.
Lokar: Sadly true.
> Zebeckras: WHAT?! YOU CALLED ME ALL THE WAY BACK HERE TO TELL ME THAT?!
> Well, you know what you can do? You can just kiss my...
Brak: [quickly] Foot!
> Lar: That's not all. I want to know, exacitacically, what is your problem?
Tansit: [Zebeckras] Well, y'see, I'm stuck in this horrible story, except
it's not a story, it's just a ripoff-
> Zebeckras: I would like to be a little taller.
>
> Lar: Y?
Brak: Because we like you!
> Zebeckras: Well, three inches is a horrible height. Worse than what my
> normal height is...
Tansit: Three apples tall?
> Lar: Well I am exacitacically three inches high, and it is a very good
> height indeed!!
Lokar: Listen. Do you hear that sound?
Brak: What sound?
Tansit: Lewis Carroll doing the uneven parallel bars in his grave?
Lokar: Exactly.
> Lar splashes paint all over the place. Zebeckras turns around. When the
> splattering of paint stops, she looks back and Lar isn't there. She looks
> up and there is Lar as a butterfly, flying above her.
Lokar: Yet, strangely enough, that is one of the more logical bits of
narration in this story.
> Lar: I have a few more helpful hints. One mushroom side will make you grow
> taller, the other side will make you shorter.
Tansit: And the middle will make you see pretty colors.
> Zebeckras: Ewe, mushrooms. I don't wanna eat them!
Brak: Ewe mushrooms, yuck. Sounds like meadow muffins for sheep.
> Lar: WELL TOO BAD!
>
> Lar flies off. Zebeckras pulls a piece off each side. She takes a bite off
> one piece. Suddenly, she becomes very tall and grows taller than the trees.
Lokar: This section of the story was sponsored by the Redundancy Bureau of
Redundancy.
> Zebecrkas: WOW! This is sooo cool! I'm taller than Geary! Yes! Oh cool!
Tansit: [Zebeckras] But now how will I grab his butt?
> Zebeckras looks at the other piece of the mushroom.
>
> Zebeckras: I really should go back to my normal height. *sigh* Oh well.
>
> Zebeckras shrinks back to her normal height.
Lokar: Let us all bask in awe at the craftsmanship of this narrative.
All: "Awwww."
[The words scroll off the screen. When they disappear, Zorak's image
reappears.]
Zorak: Enjoying yourselves?
Brak: This story is a gyp!
Zorak: BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!
Tansit: What happens next?
[Brak stares at Tansit in amazement]
Zorak: What happens next is you get to read the SECOND half of the story!
Lokar: Ah, good.
[Brak and Tansit stare at Lokar in amazement]
Zorak: BWA-HA-HA-huh?
Lokar: In the interim between seasons of "Space Ghost Coast to Coast"
there is little opportunity to remind one's self of the basic inferiority of
the masses. That this work was written, and even published to the internet
for all to see rather than committed to the rubbish bin it so richly deserves,
provides ample affirmation.
[Control room]
Moltar: He's got you there.
[Green Room]
Zorak: Well - here's the rest of the story! Choke on it!
[Zorak disappears from the screen, and words begin scrolling again.]
> She walks into the forest. She
> passes a lot of signs that say things like "this way is right" and "this
> way is left but it is right too" Soon, she begins to hear singing.
Tansit: See she walk. Walk, she, walk.
> Mirage: 'Twas Mozey ate a slidey toad,
Brak: Oh, they're back at the oyster bed.
Tansit: Oysters and toad legs for dinner. They must be in France.
> With Drake and Gizmo in the way.
>
> Ameabas in the waterhose,
>
> And Geary is gay.
Tansit: So what?
> Zebeckras: Now what could that be?
Lokar: Utter nonsense?
> Mirage: Hello!
>
> Zebeckras turns around to see the Cheshire Cat curled up in a tree.
Brak: Nah. She's a Cheshire CLAM. Remember back at the beach?
Tansit: I saw that one! With Frankie Avalon and Annette Funicello!
> Zebeckras: MUST you sing like that?! It's very annoying...
Lokar: By now you ought to be thoroughly inured to it.
> Mirage: All the more reason! Eh hem... Second chorus!
>
> 'Twas Mozey ate a slidey toad
Brak: Ew! And I thought oysters were gross!
> with Drake and Gizmo in the way.
>
> Zebeckras: SHUT UP!
Tansit: Yeah! Shut up!
> Mirage: No! Amoebas in the water hose,
>
> And Geary is gay!
Tansit: *SO?!*
> Zebeckras: Are you quite done?
>
> Mirage: For now.
>
> Zebeckras: Well, could you please tell me how to get-
>
> Mirage: Where?
Brak: To Sesame Street.
> Zebeckras: I don't know, maybe somewhere with a good Anime section and free
> popcorn...
Brak: Is there a "Moovies" franchise in Wonderland?
> Mirage: Well, I'm off...
Tansit: -key.
> Zebeckras: No! Don't go!
>
> Mirage: Why?
>
> Zebeckras: Where do you recommend I go?
Lokar: How about going straight to--
Brak: [interrupting] Hey! Whoa!
Lokar: What? I was only going to suggest she go straight to the end,
thusly
hastening the end of this rubbish.
Brak: Oh.
> Mirage: Well, there's always Mad Mystifier...
Brak: But he's booked in Vegas now.
> Zebeckras: Um... no thanks...
>
> Mirage: Well there's also the March Feline.
>
> Zebeckras: Yes, that sounds better...
>
> Mirage: But she's mad too...
Brak: At least, she has a big chip on her shoulder.
> Zebeckras: Is everyone here mad?!
>
> Mirage: Yes.
Brak: If I was stuck in this story, I'd be ticked too!
> Zebeckras: Well, I suppose I'll go see the March Feline. Maybe she won't be
> so mad since it's not March.
>
> Mirage: Don't count on it.
Brak: [The Count] One! One March Feline! Ha-ha-ha-ha!
[Lightning flashes. Tansit and Lokar look around, alarmed.]
> Mirage disappears. Zebeckras wandered down the path that led to March
> Feline's house. Finally, she got there.
Tansit: Huh! She finally got somewhere without getting lost!
> In the front was a large tea table set up. Behind that was a giant statue
> of Darkwing Duck. Behind that was the wierdest of all, a lavender house
> with whiskers and large cat ears on top.
Brak: Hey, it's Pee-Wee's Cathouse!
> Zebeckras: I suppose I should knock...
>
> She went to the door to find there was a doorbell, she pressed it, and
> instead of the usual "ding dong" there was a lot of meowing, similar to
> that of a Meow Mix commercial.
Tansit: I bet I know what her car horn sounds like.
> Mad Mystifier: It's no use, because we're out here, you know.
>
> Zebeckras spun around to see two people at the tea table that weren't there
> before.
Tansit: Suuure it wasn't.
Lokar: Mayhap someone's been overindulging in mushroom cuttings.
> March Feline: Duhhhh, if we're out here, why ring the doorbell?
Brak: What's the "duh" for?
Lokar: It's to signify stupidity.
Brak: Huh! I never needed to say that! I'm stupid, and everyone knows
it!
Lokar: True. You have raised idiocy to an art form.
Brak: [proudly] Yup, BUDDY!
> Mad Mystifier: Maybe she's lost.
>
> March Feline: Another one of those? Weird enough seeing a black piglet
> running around lost, but now her.
>
> Zebeckras: You saw P-chan?
>
> Mad Mystifier: Who's P-chan?
>
> Zebeckras: The lost black piglet!
>
> March Feline: What piglet?
Brak: Who's on first?
Tansit: Who's not on first. What's on first.
Brak: That's what I asked. Who's-
Lokar: STOP IT!
> Zebeckras: THE ONE YOU SAW!!
>
> Sassy: CHAINSAW?! WHAT CHAINSAW?! AHHH! MUST USE MY NATURAL DEFENSE SYSTEM!
>
> Sassy sprays everyone.
Tansit: [sniffs] CK, isn't it?
Brak: Smells like Cartoon Planet. Woo-wee!
> Mad Mystifier: It's ok, there's no chainsaws.
>
> March Feline: Sassy... did you have to?!
>
> Zebeckras looks at the skunk popping out of a yellow kettle. Shrugging her
> shoulders, she sat down at the tea table.
Brak: Ew, waitaminnit, that was a SKUNK sprayin' us? Whoa boy, I'm glad
they didn't tell us 'til now!
> March Feline&Mad Mystifier: NO ROOM!! NO ROOM!!
>
> Zebeckras: There's PLENTY of room!
Brak: There was plenty of MUSHroom 'til Zebeckras ate it all! Ha ha ha
ha ha!
> Sassy: WAAAH! She's squashing Spud!!!
Brak: Mmm! Mashed potatoes for tea!
> Zebeckras jumps up.
>
> Zebeckras: What?!
>
> March Feline: Well, Spud, Sassy's invisible friend is sitting there. Next
> to him is Spew, his evil twin.
Tansit: Hey, lemme show you my bunny Harvey!
Brak: [Big Bird] Ohh, Mr. Snuffalupagus!
> Mad Mystifier: Look out, he's a pervert.
Lokar: Ahem, that's per-VECT.
> March Feline: In the rest of the chairs is Spud's extended family.
Brak: Quick, someone say "I yam what I yam!"
Lokar: Hush, don't make truffle.
> Zebeckras: Okayyy... Why are you having tea anyway?
>
> Mad Mystifier: What's tea?
>
> March Feline: We're drinking Mountain Dew and-
>
> Mad Mystifier: eating shrimp and meatball pizza with PEZ for dessert!
Tansit: Are they having a baby shower?
> Zebeckras: eeeewwwww...
>
> March Feline: Because it's Spud's un-birthday!
>
> Zebeckras looks at the empty chair and a large sweat drop appears on the
> back of her head.
All: Uuuuugh.
Lokar: What a particularly unwholesome image.
> Zebeckras: What's an un-birthday?
>
> Mad Mystifier: Well, it's very simple, see, there's 365 days in a year, no,
> um, I remember doing the Time Warp, and uh, it's um, a day that's not your
> birthday!
>
> Zebeckras: Oh! Well then it's my un-birthday too!
Brak: Hey! That means it's mine too!
Tansit: Mine, too! What a coincidence!
Lokar: [drily] This is truly a day of revelations.
> March Feline: It is?
>
> Mad Mystifier: It is?!
>
> Mystie&Feline: Well a very merry un-birthday, to you!
>
> Mystie: To you!
Brak: [singing] You say it's your un-birthday, it's my un-birthday too!
> Mystie&Feline: A very merry un-birthday to you!
>
> Zebeckras: Who, me?
>
> Feline: Yes you!
>
> Mystie: Now blow the candles out my dear and make a wish come true!
>
> Zebeckras blows out the candles.
>
> Mystie&Feline: A very merry un-birthday to you!
Brak: Y'know, readin' a song just don't cut it.
> Sassy: Twinkle, twinkle little skunk,
>
> How I love to dance to funk.
Brak: To dance to WHAT?
Lokar: Don't even think it.
> Up my tail goes and sprays so high!
>
> Like rain falling from the sky.
Tansit: Ohh, yuck. This is stuff I don't wanna know about.
> Zebeckras: Oh that was interesting...
Brak: So's cleanin' out the toilet, but that doesn't mean I wanna read
all about it!
> March Feline: So, what information did you come here for?
>
> Mad Mystifier: Yes, tell us the whole story. Start at the beginning,
Brak: [singing] A very good place to start.
> and
> when you get to the end, stop, see?
Brak: That's how I tell people to get to my house. Get on Highway 285,
and go on to the end.
Lokar: [severely] Brak, NOBODY will understand that joke except those who
live in close proximity to that highway and thus know that it is circular.
Brak: Well... so? It fits in with this story, doesn't it? None of the
jokes make sense!
Lokar: And you wish to hold yourself to those low standards?
Brak: [ashamed] I ... I'm sorry. I wasn't thinkin'.
> Zebeckras: Well, it all started when I was sitting with Ranma...
>
> March Feline: Verrrry interesting...
>
> Mad Mystifier: Who's Ranma?!? *drools*
Tansit: Hey, what's it mean when Mad Mystifier drools out of both sides of
her mouth?
Brak: What?
Tansit: It means the floor's level!
[Brak and Tansit laugh]
> Zebeckras: Ranma is my cat. Anyway, there was this little black piglet that
> I... you know... S-A-W...
>
> March Feline: Dew?
Brak: Nah. Essayed to double you.
> Mad Mystifier: Do?! What? Who'd she do?
>
> Zebeckras: NO ONE! I was just saying that there was this little black
> piglet that I saw...
>
> Sassy: CHAINSAW?! AGH! NO! EEP! EEP! SUCK STENCH!
>
> Sassy sprays everyone.
Lokar: Gentlemen, we have died and been condemned to South Park.
> Sassy: Now look what you've made me do.
>
> Zebeckras: Well I didn't really think-
>
> March Feline: That's the point. If you don't think then you shouldn't...
uh...
Tansit: Write fan fiction.
> if you don't think... then... ummm... mmmm... Darkwing...
Brak: [Zorak] Darkwing Duck. That's good eatin'!
> Zebeckras: Can I have some Mountain Dew?
>
> March Feline: NO!
Brak: That's stuff's icky. Y'know what it looks like?
Lokar: Do not enlighten us.
Brak: It looks like lemonade, but it doesn't taste as good.
> Mad Mystifier: They're after my Mountain Dew. They're all after it. THEM!
> They're trying to get my goodies, but I won't let them, I'm onto their
> plot, I know what they're up to... hehehehehehehe...
Brak: Up two? Two what?
Tansit: Two bee, or not two bee!
Lokar: Ah, punnery. The lowest form of humor.
> March Feline: If you can't have Mountain Dew you can at least make weird
> conversation!
Lokar: Correction. Second lowest.
> Zebeckras: Okay, well-
>
> Mad Mystifier: I have an idea! Let's change the subject! *smacks Feline on
> the head*
Lokar: Ah, teatime is nearly over. Now for the 'just desserts'.
> March Feline: Why is Geary like a happy thought?
>
> Zebeckras: Stoopid questions?
Brak: I bet they got stoopid answers too.
> March Feline: EINT! Wrong answer!
>
> Mad Mystifier: Because they're both GAY!
Tansit: What's all this beeswax about Geary being gay?! It's like an
obsession with 'em!
Lokar: It is quite a point of controversy for you vertebrates, isn't it?
> March Feline: BINGO!
>
> All: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
>
> Zebeckras: Okay, okay, no more jokes.
Tansit: No more jokes? You mean, there were any?
> This is neither the time or the
> place.
Lokar: Oh? What better place for jokes than a laughable fanfic?
> March Feline: The place! The place! Who's got the place?!
Brak: Plaice? You don't eat fish at a *tea* party! Ugh!
so sez Jen "Call me MiSTer!" White.