[MSTing] Voyager: Stealth Wedgie - part 3
Freezer
>(Scene 5--The bridge)
Joel: Weirded out 3 -- Joel, Tom, and Crow.
>Chakotay: Captain, why are we stopping here?
>Janeway: Because I need some answers. Tell me the truth, Chakotay.
Tom: [Chakotay, rapidly] Okay, I've been lusting after you for years,
and I sneak down the Holodeck every night and do nasty things to a
hologram of you, and...
Joel: [Janeway] I meant if you thought I was too rough on B'Elanna..
Tom: [Chakotay] Oopsies...
>Chakotay: About what?
>Janeway: Nobody's blaming you for the attacks. But I have to know how
>Wedgie technology got here to the Delta quadrant.
Crow: If wedgies are that powerful a weapon, maybe the Borg picked it
up?
>Torres: I...I guess I can answer that, Captain. The fact that the
>Cardassians have been using it didn't make it right. But we in the
>Maquis HAD to use it to fight back.
Tom: [Mighty Announcer Voice] The Wedgie: All-powerful weapon of terror.
>Janeway: Incredible.
Joel: -ly implausible...
>Chakotay: All of us Maquis aboard Voyager have given wedgies to the
>Cardassians at one time or other during our struggle--but only in
>self- defense.
Crow: How do you defend yourself with a wedgie?
Tom: The Maquis were masters of Wedgie Fu?
>Janeway: All of you!
>Chakotay: It's not something we're proud of, Captain. Wedgie knowledge
>and skill reside in the frontal lobes of us all.
Crow: Joel? Does that mean that all humans instinctively know how to
deliver devastating Wedgies?
Joel: I guess if the Saiyans can be born with martial arts skills, we
can be born with wedgie skills.
>Tuvok: This confirms my assumptions. Ensign, there should be a Kazon
>ship just within communications range.
>Kim: You're correct, sir!
Tom: [Ed McMahon] YES! You are correct, Tuvok!
>Janeway: Wedgie technology in the hands of the Kazon? It will change
>the face of this quadrant forever.
Tom: Umm... Isn't this the same race that blew themselves up trying to
copy a food replicator?
>Tuvok: Captain, I must warn you, even will full shields, their weapons
>can destroy us in minutes.
Tom: Now wait a minute! It's a known fact that one-on-one Kazon ships
are no match for Voyager! That they're cautious of *ONE* Kazon ship is
just ridiculous!
Joel: Tom, you've a lot more ridiculous stuff pass in this fic so far.
Why are you going so nuts over this?
Tom: Because the rest was just lame comic relief, Now he's messing with
Star Trek canon! And that's just wrong, by cracky!!!
>Janeway: I'm willing to take that chance. Hail them.
>Kim: They are hailing us!
Joel: Hail, centurion!
Crow: [Singing] Hail to the Redskins!
Tom: [Singing] Hail to the victors!
>Janeway: On screen.
>Kazon: Hello, Captain
All: Hello...Neuman!
>Neelix: You're hair is looking awful nappy, Kazon. Does this look
>familiar? I must say, it makes a mighty delicious spread!
Joel: It strips rust right off the hull!
Crow: And kids like it too!
>Janeway: Quiet, Neelix!
>Kazon: My jar of hair slime! Hand it over, Talaxian!
>Janeway: You Kazon are too stupid to do this on your own. Who helped
>you?
Tom: That's right... Piss off an entire race of warriors who already
don't like you.
>(Seska's smiling face moves into view on the screen)
Joel: Hi! I'm Seska! And I'll be your smug antagonist tonight!
Tom: Seska - refreshing citrus soda!
>Seska: (mock sweetness) Hello, Chakotay!
>Chakotay: Its...Seska!
Crow: [Dubbed Japanese voice] RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! IT IS SESKA!
>Tuvok: Commander Chakotay, you are visibly trembling with rage.
Joel: Yeah, Chakotay! She just a Cardassian double agent who betrayed
your trust, nearly had you killed and used your genetic material to
impregnate herself without your consent. Why the angry face?
>Chakotay: I...I can't believe it!
Tom: [Chakotay] Didn't you die a few years ago?
>Seska: Why are you so surprised? My scaly Cardassian face is bound to
>show up in some conspiracy-related plot, about, oh, every week or so.
Tom: She's got a point there.
>Kazon: Seska, let's blow up their ship!
Tom: BUT...
Joel: Just let it go, Tom.
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