MiSTed - "A Marrissa Twofer" (1/2)
Bill Livingston
of cereal.]
MIKE: [chews for a minute] Num. Good stuff. [notices us] Oh. Hey,
people, Mike Nelson up here on the old Satellite, and for the moment,
I've got the joint to myself. See, Crow and Tom decided they wanted
to go off and party it up for Spring Break. They packed up and left
about, oh, 20 minutes ago I guess, and declared they'd be gone for
a week. Which means... [checks watch] they should be back by the
time I finish this delicious Cap'n Crunch Peanut Butter Crunch.
[Crow & Tom enter dejectedly]
CROW: Hey Mike.
TOM: Nelson.
MIKE: Hey guys. So, uh, what happened to Spring Break?
TOM: *sigh* It just didn't work out.
CROW: Yeah, getting to Cancun turned out to be trickier than we thought.
TOM: Seeing as how we're stuck up here and all.
CROW: So we wound up down by the load pan bay.
MIKE: Not exactly prime Spring Break property, huh?
CROW: Well, it's not *too* bad - if you don't mind the fact that there's
no beach and no sand and the only water is, uh, well...
TOM: Not potable.
MIKE: Ah.
TOM: Of course, the upside is that it wasn't anywhere near as crowded as
we thought Spring Break'd be.
CROW: Yeah. On the other hand, though, we only saw one babe.
MIKE: Let me guess - that'd be Gypsy?
CROW: Pretty much. And she just wasn't in the spirit of things.
MIKE: How so?
TOM: She wouldn't wear the shirt.
MIKE: Shirt?
[Gypsy enters, and spits a giant wad of soggy fabric on top of Tom]
GYPSY: *ptoo* Here's your old wet t-shirt back.
MIKE: [disapprovingly] Guys.
TOM: [voice muffled from being under a soggy shirt] Well geez, Mike,
it's not like we were exploiting and objectifying her.
MIKE: Actually, it's exactly like that.
GYPSY: I'm no bot gone wild!
CROW: Told ya.
TOM: Hey, you're the one who wanted to do Jell-O shooters.
CROW: I still say we could have set the world's record if we'd had any
booze. Or Jell-O. Or shot glasses.
MIKE: Well, better luck next time, fellas. Cereal? [Lights flash]
CROW: Love some, but it looks like Snap Crackle & Poop are on Line 1.
MIKE: Oop, OK. Hey Pearlie K, what's up?
[CASTLE FORRESTER - Pearl is directing her henches, Bobo & Observer, in
an attempt to hang a huge plate of glass on the wall. Actually, due to
its immense and immortal size, it practically *is* the wall]
PEARL: Okay, Bobo, move your side up about a half an inch.
BOBO: Yes, Lawgiver. Up we go. *unf* [struggles to get the gigantic
thing to lift - think of a spider monkey straining to lift a
billboard] Whew. How's that?
PEARL: [shakes her head] It's a bit much. Brain Guy, go ahead and let your
end down about a millimicron.
OBSERVER: Right. [Brain Guy is reading a magazine, and easily uses his
mental powers to lower his part] Better?
PEARL: Hmmm - ahh, close enough for government work. [turns to face us]
Nelson! How nice of you and the Tinkertoys to drop in! I'm setting up
to expand my sphere of influence, as it were. See, as you know, I fully
expect to rule the world in due course. But I then thought to myself,
"Self - why stop there?" About how many alternate realities did you
compute there were, Brainiac?
OBSERVER: Well, if we express it terms that can be understood, using a simple
octadecimal base, with factor of, oh, say -
PEARL: [cuts him off] At least a couple dozen. See, the plan is, after taking
over *this* puny reality, all those others are just going to be sitting
there, crying out for a ruthlessly evil, yet stylish conqueror. That's
where the thingie here comes into play.
[SOL]
MIKE: *munch* Pretty impressive, Pearl. What's it called?
[CF]
PEARL: I already told you. It's the Truly Horrific Ionic-Nucleonic-Gluonic
Interdimensional Extruder - the THINGIE! Once I power this sucker up,
I'll be traversing dimensions at will and it'll just be a matter of time
until I bring the entire mother-loving OMNIVERSE under my thumb!
BOBO: Do we get to visit Earth-2?
OBSERVER: Heh-heh, Bobo my good ape, *no* one goes there anymore. A much
better
choice is Earth-58.
BOBO: What's that like?
OBSERVER: Everything's the exact same there, except mayonnaise is bright blue.
PEARL: Don't worry, we'll visit them all - before we grind them beneath our
heel.
In the meantime, Nelsnerk, I have a truly horrendous fate in store for
you!
Not one, but two - *two* I say - terrible turgid tales from the mind of
none
other than - STEPHEN RATLIFF!!! BWAHAHAHAH!
[SOL]
MIKE: Oh. Okay then. So you guys want cereal or not?
CROW: Dibs on the Honeycomb!
GYPSY: Honey Bunches of Oats is nutritious *and* delicious.
TOM: Hey, don't bogart the Splenda, Nelson.
[CF - Pearl & the others look at each other in bafflement]
PEARL: Maybe you didn't hear me, Mike. I said I have *two* stories by
Ratliff!
*Stephen* Ratliff. You know, Marrissa and all that?
[SOL - Cereal-fest is a go!]
MIKE: Right. Couple of Ratliff stories. Got it.
GYPSY: Gee, lemon wedges *do* taste better in Shredded Wheat than bananas!
CROW: I don't know about that, but I can tell you this - Lucky Charms and Bran
Chex are *not* meant to go together!
[CF]
PEARL: [upset] Unh! You Guys! You're supposed to be all panicky and whiny
and stuff!
BOBO: Like when Brain Guy found that spider in the bathroom.
OBSERVER: I was *not* panicking, I was merely reconnoitering for a better
strategic position.
BOBO: He was standing on top of the toilet.
OBSERVER: Now see here...
PEARL: ZIP IT! Okay you buncha Froot Loops, spill! Why aren't you petrified
with fear and loathing, like?
[SOL]
MIKE: Gosh, Pearl, it's - well, it's just Stevie.
TOM: Yeah, I mean, I hate to admit it, but he's gotten a lot better than he
used to be. I mean, he's still not high art, but...
CROW: Yeah, you've sent us tons of stuff that makes Ratliff look like Marcel
Proust.
TOM: "Invasion of the Neptune Men" was pretty putrid, y'know.
MIKE: Yeah, and compared to that whole Daria/Sailor Moon trilogy, Marrissa's
almost like a breath of fresh air.
GYPSY: Or a nice big bowl of Cocoa Pebbles.
TOM: [Fred] BAH-ney!
[CF]
OBSERVER: I warned you about this, Pearl. Repeated exposure has dulled their
pain receptors.
PEARL: So it fresh, *different* pain they need, eh? Well these ought to fit
the bill perfectly. Especially the second one - I guarantee you guys
you're not prepared for that part of this little Marrissapalooza! Put
*that* in your bowl and see if it stays crispy in milk!
OBSERVER: [sotto voce] It was a big hairy spider.
BOBO: [sotto voce] Wimp.
PEARL: Shut up! Okay, Mike, Get ready for a great big old alternate dimension
of hurt! And *you* two break out the Windex - I want this THINGIE to
sparkle!
[SOL - Mike is tipping back his bowl to finish his milk]
CROW: Hey, this is that lame-o generic Frosted Flake stuff, isn't it?
[lights, allarums, etc. Mike spews his milk all over]
ALL: AAAAHHH! WE GOT DOUBLE RATLIFF SIGN!!!
[6] {5} (4) <3> |2| O
[All enter]
MIKE: Sorry about that.
TOM: 'Sokay, the wet t-shirt sopped it up pretty good.
>From ste...@trekiverse.org Sun Jan 30 00:09:39 2005
>Path: sn-us!sn-xit-12!sn-xit-06!sn-xit-14!supernews.com!64.59.134.4.MISMATCH!
TOM: Whoops! Stevie's been wearing striped shirts with polka dot ties again.
>pd7cy1no!shaw.ca!
MIKE: [British] It was one of Shaw's, your majesty.
CROW: [British] It bloody well wasn't!
> border1.nntp.dca.giganews.com!border2.nntp.dca.giganews.com!
>nntp.giganews.com!elnk-atl-nf1!newsfeed.earthlink.net!
>stamper.news.atl.earthlink.net!newsread3.news.atl.earthlink.net.POSTED!
>31600fab!
TOM: Long time ago, when he was fab.
> not-for-mail
>From: Stephen Ratliff <ste...@trekiverse.org>
>Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative
>Subject: NEW TNG Duty, Loyalty, Trust, Honor
CROW: Hey, the new Gwen Stefani album.
> [G] (Marrissa Stories)
MIKE: Gee. Marrissa Stories.
TOM: Once again.
>Organization: Alt.StarTrek.Creative Virtual Staff Office
>Message-ID: <m7uov05qqm82sjd1g...@4ax.com>
>X-Newsreader: Forte Agent 1.92/32.572
>MIME-Version: 1.0
>Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii
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>Date: Sun, 30 Jan 2005 06:09:39 GMT
>NNTP-Posting-Host: 63.188.72.79
TOM: [Ed McMahon] Filling in tonight for 63.188.72.79 - David Brenner!
>X-Complaints-To: ab...@earthlink.net
>X-Trace: newsread3.news.atl.earthlink.net 1107065379 63.188.72.79
>(Sat, 29 Jan 2005 22:09:39 PST)
>NNTP-Posting-Date: Sat, 29 Jan 2005 22:09:39 PST
>Xref: sn-us alt.startrek.creative:173055
>
>Title: Duty, Loyalty, Trust, Honor
CROW: Duty and Loyalty.
Trust and Honor.
But if you have Whiskers
You're still a goner.
Burma-shave!
>Author: Stephen Ratliff
>Series: TNG, Marrissa Stories
>Rating: G
>Codes:
>Summary: What four words mean to Marrissa
>
>
TOM: The four words are "susurruss", "yurt", "antidisestablishmentarianism"
and "bling".
>I'm Marrissa, and I'm an officer in Star Fleet.
ALL: Hi, Marrissa!
> Many people have asked me why
>I am. It's not something easy to explain.
TOM: That much, at least, is true.
> If it was, then I probably wouldn't
>deserve to wear this uniform.
CROW: She's implying she does *now*?
> You don't wear the red and black for simple
>things.
MIKE: And especially not after labor day.
> It may start out that way, but by the time you make Lieutenant, it's
>more than a job.
>
CROW: It's a soul-crushing, mind-numbing, carpal-tunnel-of-the-spirit inducing
series of tasks that you'll regret every day for the rest of your life.
>I first put on this uniform when I was twelve.
TOM: She had to grow into it.
MIKE: I hear she saved all her uniforms since she was only three.
> It was an honor, one which I
>was not prepared for.
MIKE: Neither was anyone else - that's what led to the riots.
> The Captain intended to give me the minimum duties,
CROW: $50 and time served.
> and
>let me fall into what he described as the role of an Age of Sail Midshipman.
TOM: She was put in charge of the pee bucket.
>I learnt the rules, traditions, and goals of Star Fleet from the Enterprise's
>officers.
CROW: [Marrissa] Everything else I needed to know I learned in Kindergarten.
> I spent hours honing my skills.
TOM: [Marrissa} And my Bat'leth.
> I can still calculate in my head
>the ship's position within a hundred meters,
MIKE: Well, it's not that hard - it's right there under her feet.
> if I know the relative position of
>three stars.
CROW: Specifically, Tom Hanks, Sandra Bullock and Christopher Walken.
> I can handle a formal duel with swords,
TOM: Now that she has that Oscar de la Renta evening gown.
> or defend myself from an
>irate Klingon.
MIKE: Threaten him with Lifebouy.
> I spent hours losing simulation after simulation in tactics,
>learning from each one ...
>
TOM: [Marrissa] Mainly, that I hate losing. Fortunately, it never happens to
me in *real* life.
>Yet that didn't teach me duty. Duty I learnt from watching others.
CROW: On The Duty Channel, now available via your local digital cable.
> I saw
>Lieutenant Worf jump in front of a disrupter bolt meant for someone else.
TOM: Well, to be fair, that's just how Worf relaxes.
>I saw Commander Data,
MIKE: Just before he got blowed to smithereenies.
> heedless of incoming fire, rush to save a little boy who
>wandered into the middle of a fire fight.
TOM: Brent Spiner *IS* Kurt Russell *IN* "Star Trek: Backdraft"!
> I saw Commander La Forge repairing
>alien machines he'd never seen before
MIKE: Ouch! That's a bit harsh!
CROW: I don't think he meant it as a slam.
TOM: Remember, kids, word choice can be important - think before you write!
> that threatened to explode at any moment.
CROW: And it exploded and he died.
TOM: And the irony of it is, he never saw it coming.
MIKE: Now *that's* harsh!
>And I experienced it myself, when Commander Riker spent hours helping me learn
>my new responsibilities
CROW: [Marrissa] He said duty mainly involved wearing a bikini and serving him
giant pitchers of banana daiquiris.
> when promotions and transfers made me the senior
>helmsman on board.
MIKE: Promotions and transfers. Got it.
TOM: And not venal scheming and naked nepotism.
CROW: Heaven forefend. Just promotions and transfers.
> He guided me through scheduling, evaluation, and training,
CROW: Not to mention slicing, dicing and making julienne fries.
>teaching me everything I should have known before I'd put on the uniform.
>
TOM: Mainly, to never put on that uniform, or you risk wind up being at the
mercy of the most evil force in the universe.
MIKE: Section 31?
TOM: Worse - Rick Berman!
>Duty, important as it is, isn't all I learned back on the Enterprise-D,
MIKE: [Marrissa] I also learned tricorder repair, Pilates, and how to play
poker. And for some reason, lace tatting.
> nor is
>it the only reason why I wear this uniform.
CROW: [Marrissa] My other uniform makes my hips look too big.
> There is also loyalty, the esprit
>de corps
MIKE: The je ne sais quoi.
TOM: The fin de siecle.
CROW: The Cafe Latte Grande.
> which infuses the core of Star Fleet. It is not given freely.
TOM: There's a nominal $250 fee, and a $75 annual "Loyalty Usage Surcharge".
> You
>have earn it. You have to show that you're a part of it.
>
CROW: You have to show two forms of identification.
>It was not something I received easily. I had gotten my rank and posts through
>some truly unusual situations,
MIKE: [Marrissa] I admit, it sounded kind of improbable, but after the author
gave me the old thumbs up, I didn't care anymore.
> not the least of which was the age I was at each
>promotion, and that loyalty was probably withheld for that very reason.
TOM: Really? That's hard to believe.
CROW: Yeah, most security types I know are just waiting to pledge allegiance
to a snot-nosed teenage girl with control issues.
> Still
>loyalty goes both ways,
TOM: [Marrissa] And so do I.
> and I tried to show the loyalty that I'd seen between
>the crew of the Enterprise-D to those that I served and commanded.
CROW: But that didn't work, so she began the random flayings instead.
> I'm certain
>that those under me during my time as Chief of Security felt no loyalty to me,
TOM: Not after the checks started to bounce, no.
>but I did to them.
MIKE: [Marrissa] At least until I found where they hid the stinking negatives!
>It was not until I arrived on the Stargazer using Halifax as my name, that I
>felt that loyalty in return.
CROW: Because only Nova Scotians are loyal.
TOM: Really?
CROW: That's what that guy with the Moxie told me.
> I was young and headstrong, and drove my pilots
>hard.
MIKE: She was the official ship's Soccer Mom.
> I made sure every one of them were the best that they could be, and told
>them so.
TOM: [Drill Sgt] Listen *UP* maggots! You're gonna be the best damn pilots in
Starfleet even if I have to rip your spleens out through your eardrums!
> I lead from the front,
CROW: [Marrissa] 'Cause the Cardassians aim high and to the rear!
> and would not let my pilots hang.
MIKE: The gas chamber's so much more efficient.
> I earned
>their trust and they rewarded me with loyalty.
>
CROW: [Marrissa] Plus this fabulous new dining room set!
>Trust, that's a very important thing to have.
MIKE: A plot, that's a very important thing for a story to have.
CROW: So this is just Marrissa reviewing her fabulous career arc for us?
TOM: There's also the four words.
CROW: In her case, the four most important words are "I", "Me", "Mine"
and "Myself".
> You have to have it in yourself,
>in your fellow officers and crewmen, and in the organization as a whole.
TOM: Yes, put your life and career in the hands of resentful underlings and
faceless bureaucrats - that's always a wise move.
>Others have to have the same. I trust my officers and crewmen, and they've
>learnt to do the same.
CROW: [Marrissa] Some needed shock therapy to get the point, but eventually...
> They know they have my loyalty, and that I trust them
>to have the same.
>
MIKE: Suckers!
>Duty, Loyalty, Trust ... together it leads to the Honor.
CROW: The Honor?
TOM: Yeah, it comes from the duty, the loyalty and the trust.
MIKE: The Marrissa, she was told this by the Manolo.
> I'm not talking about
>some medal or base platitude.
TOM: [Marrissa] I'm talking cold, hard cash, baby! Tons of gold-pressed
latinum, enough to build a starship out of!
> No, Honor is more than that. Honor can be found
>in the duty which you follow, towards your task and your fellow officers.
MIKE: Honor is what, when you don't have it, a pack of Klingons shows up and
pounds you into a fine paste.
>Honor can be found in the loyalty to your ideals and your fellow officers.
CROW: Honor is a little tweeting bird chirping in a meadow.
TOM: Honor is a wreath of pretty flowers which smell BAD.
>Honor can be found in the trust that you've been given.
MIKE: Mainly though, Honor can be found in David Weber books.
TOM: Think Honor & Marrissa could learn to co-exist, or would one have to
annihilate the other?
CROW: It's still a little suspicious that Ratliff and Weber have never been
photographed together anywhere.
> There is no honor
>without those three. And without honor, there is no duty, no loyalty, and no
>trust.
>
TOM: And no carbs, either.
>I'm Marrissa Amber Picard, Captain in the United Federation of Planet's Star
>Fleet, and that's why I serve.
CROW: Be a Starfleet of One. See www.gostarfleet.com for more details.
> Not because I was born to it, not because of
>what I was given in her service,
MIKE: In whose service?
TOM: Her own. Marrissa rewards herself very well, you know.
> but because of the sense of duty, loyalty,
>trust, and most of all the Honor of the Fleet.
MIKE: [Groucho] Remember, men, you're fighting for this fleet's honor, which
is probably more than it ever did!
>
>
>
>
>Author's Note:
>
>There is an ongoing story being written
CROW: [Stephen] It involves Marrissa living an hour of each day every chapter,
and trying to stop a deadly threat to the Federation. I call it "26".
MIKE: "26"?
CROW: It's set on Bajor.
MIKE: Ah.
> that will be becoming the First
>Stargazer Mission in which Marrissa reports on board using the name Marrissa A.
>Halifax.
TOM: It's Stephen's new "Undercover Tyrant" series.
> This is a legal name for her to use as she holds the title of
>fourteenth Princess of Halifax in her role as next in line to the throne of
>Essex.
MIKE: So now her full name is Princess Captain Flight Commander Marrissa Amber
Flores Picard Halifax?
TOM: Must be tough getting monogrammed towels.
> This story was written with that story in mind.
CROW: But sadly, little else.
>--
>Stephen Ratliff stephen trekiverse org
>
>"I don't know if I'm cut out to be Captain. First Officer
>maybe. I understand there are no real qualifications."
>- Counselor Troi, ST:TNG "Disaster"
>
MIKE: Marina Sirtis sticks it to the Man!
[End Part 1]
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
bil...@hiwaay.net http://home.hiwaay.net/~billfl
"If you're dumb, surround yourself with smart people. And if you're smart,
surround yourself with smart people who disagree with you."
Isaac Jaffee (Robert Guillaume), "Sports Night"