REPOST: MiSTed - Magazine Spam (3/4)
Bill Livingston
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This post has been altered from it's original form. Duh!
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>ENGINEERING NEWS RECORD (ENR)
>ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY (EW)
>ENTREE
SERVO: [sophisticated voice] I'll have the duck l'orange with asparagus tips
CROW: [ditto] I'll have the tender veal medallions and braised carrots in
apricot sauce
MIKE: [ditto] I'll have the half pound o'ground round with French fried
potatoes
>ENTREPRENEUR
>ENVIRONMENT
>EQUITIES
>EQUUS
CROW: With Richard Burton, or Leonard Nimoy?
>ESQUIRE
>ESSENCE
>EUROPEAN CAR
>EXCALIBUR (COMIC)
SERVO: When in Las Vegas, visit Excalibur!
>EXCEPTIONAL PARENT
>EXECUTIVE FEMALE
>FAITH & STUFF
SERVO: *Stuff*? What kind of *stuff*?
MIKE: Well, whatever they want to call it.
>FAMILY CIRCLE
SERVO: Who shoved PJ down this well and left him for dead?
CROW: Not Me!
>FAMILY HANDYMAN
>FAMILY LIFE
>FANCY FOOD & CANDY
>FANGORIA
>FANTASTIC FOUR (COMIC)
ALL: IT'S CLOBBERIN' TIME!!
>FANTASY & SCIENCE FICTION
>FAR OUT
MIKE: [Bruce Campbell] Groovy!
>FARM BUILDING NEWS
>FARM & RANCH LIVING
>FARMERS DIGEST
>FASHION GUIDE
>FASHION KNITTING
>FATE
SERVO: Think we should take a chance on that?
>FEDERAL TIMES
>FEMALE BODYBUILDING
CROW: I wanna build one!
MIKE: You wouldn't know what to do with it after you built it!
CROW: And *you* would?
MIKE: I've got a pretty good idea.
CROW: What?
MIKE: I can't tell you over an open forum, Crow
SERVO: Probably just treat her to a Peanut Buster Parfait
MIKE: Shut up, okay?!? Just shut up!!
>FIELD & STREAM
>FIGHTING KNIVES
>FIGHTING STARS NINJA MAGAZINE
CROW & SERVO: Hikeeba!
>FILM THREAT
SERVO: *There* ya go! Most of the ones they show us are a threat!
>FINANCIAL TIMES OF LONDON (MON - SAT)
>FINANCIAL WORLD
>FINE GARDENING
>FINE HOMEBUILDING
>FINE WOODWORKING
CROW: Fine Mess You've Gotten Us Into
MIKE: [as Stan Laurel} I'm sorry Ollie!
>FIREHOUSE
>FISHING FACTS
CROW: Fact: The fish are those big floppy thingies that come out of
the water sometimes
>FISHING & HUNTING NEWS
>FISHING WORLD
>FIVE LITER MUSTANG
SERVO: Small horse
>FLARE
>FLASH (COMIC)
ALL: [singing] AH-HA-A-A-A-A-AHH!!
>FLEX
>FLOORING
>FLORIDA LIVING
>FLORIDA SPORTSMAN
>FLORIDA TREND
>FLORIDA VACATION RENTALS
CROW: Oh great, they're using one scheme to try to sell you another!
SERVO: Make money fast by posting make money fast posts!
>FLOWER & GARDEN
>FLY FISHERMAN
>FLY FISHING
>FLYING
>FLYING MODELS
MIKE: [as Robert Stack] Tyra Banks gains the power of flight, on tonight's
edition of "Unsolved Mysteries"
SERVO: [as Jack Palance] Anna Nicole Smith floats in midair - believe it...
or not!
CROW: Talk about your heavier than air flights!
>FOOD & WINE
>FOOTBALL DIGEST
>FOOTBALL NEWS
>FORBES
>FORCE WORKS (COMIC)
CROW: Does force work? Ask a Serb! Think about it, won't you?
>FOREIGN AFFAIRS
MIKE: Ah, Gigi, Olga, Rosalita, Kimiyo, who could forget?
>FOREIGN POLICY
>FORTUNE
>FORUM (PENTHOUSE)
CROW: Anything we can say about this?
MIKE: Not if you don't want a "NO CARRIER"
>FOUR WHEEL / OFF ROAD
>FOUR WHEELER
>FRONT PAGE DETECTIVE
>FUN-ZONE
>FUR - FISH - GAME
SERVO: [announcer] Welcome the Fur Fish Game, where these two contestants
will compete for fabulous cash and prizes!!!
>FUTURIFIC
>FUTURIFIC
SERVO: What's "futurifc"?
MIKE: Nuveena?
SERVO: [sarcasm sequencer] I don't *think* so!
>G.I. JOE (COMIC)
>GAME PLAYERS NINTENDO GUIDE
>GAME PLAYERS NINTENDO - SEGA
>GAME PLAYERS PC ENTERTAINMENT
>GAMEPRO
>GAMES
>GARBAGE
SERVO: *Now* it's gah-bage!
>GEMS & GEMNOLOGY
>GEMS & GEMNOLOGY
CROW: [as McCoy] He's dead, Gem!
>GENTLEMEN'S QUARTERLY (GQ)
>GEOMUNDO
>GET RICH NEWS
MIKE: Circles within circles
CROW: Spams within spams
>GHOST RIDER 2099 (COMIC)
>GHOST RIDER / BLAZE (COMIC)
>GHOST RIDER (COMIC)
SERVO: Gee I wonder if they can get us any "Ghost Rider" comics?
>GIFTS & DECORATIVE ACCESSORIES
>GIFTWARE NEWS
>GLAMOUR
>GLASS DIGEST
>GLEANINGS IN BEE CULTURE
CROW: Bees got culture?
MIKE: Sure, haven't you ever heard of Bee-thoven and Bee-rahms?
CROW: Oh, buzz off!
>GOD'S WORD TODAY
>GOLDMINE
>GOLF DIGEST
>GOLF FOR WOMEN
>GOLF MAGAZINE
>GOLF TIPS
>GOLF WEEK
>GOLF WORLD
>GOLFING
MIKE: The only thing I can think of more boring than watching someone else
play golf, is *reading* about someone else playing golf.
>GOOD DAY SUNSHINE
ALL: [singing] Good day sunshine...
>GOOD HOUSEKEEPING
>GOOD OLD DAYS
MIKE: Ah, I remember those
>GOOD OLD DAYS SPECIALS
>GOURMET
>GREEN LANTERN (COMIC)
SERVO: Alan Scott, Hal Jordan, John Stewart, or Guy Gardner?
CROW: Kyle Rainer.
SERVO: So are we confused, or just DC?
>GRIT
>GROO (COMIC)
MIKE: Whatever you do, don't call him a mendicant
>GROWING UP WITH SCIENCE
>GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY (COMIC)
>GUIDEPOSTS
>GUIDEPOSTS (LARGE PRINT EDITION)
>GUN DOG
ALL: *GUN DOG*?!?!
CROW: What the heck is a "gun dog", Snoopy joining the NRA?
SERVO: [announcer] Tonight, on "The New Adventures of Gun Dog", Gun Dog
faces the wrath of a trainer gone over the edge, in "How Much is that
Doggy in the *Murder*?"!
>GUN LIST
>GUN WORLD
>GUNS
>GUNS & AMMO
>GUNS & AMMO
CROW: So, ya think there's a market for gun magazines?
>HAIR ADDITIONS
>HAIR & BEAUTY NEWS
>HANDCRAFT ILLUSTRATED
>HANDGUNNING
>HANDGUNS
>HARPER'S BAZAAR
SERVO: Not as bizarre as this subscription scheme, but still pretty bizarre
>HARPER'S BAZAAR EN ESPANOL
>HARPER'S MAGAZINE
>HARROWERS (COMIC)
>HARVARD BUSINESS REVIEW
>HAWAII
>HEALTH
>HELLSTORM (COMIC)
MIKE: Firewinds, with occaisonal scattered brimstone showers this afternoon.
The highs should be in the upper 4000's, celsius, and so should the lows!
>HERALD TRIBUNE CROSSWORD PUZZLES ONLY
>HERALD TRIBUNE & OTHER CROSSWORD GAMES
>HERO ILLUSRATED
>HIGHLANDER
SERVO: There can be only one.
MIKE: *RAMIREZ*!!!!
>HIGHLIGHTS
>HIGHLIGHTS
CROW: [as hairdresser] Just some auburn highlights here, to accentuate those
lovely, lovely cheekbones
>HISPANIC
>HISTORIC PRESERVATION
>HOCKEY DIGEST
>HOCKEY NEWS
>HOLLYWOOD STUDIO
>HOLLYWOOD STUDIO MAG THEN & NOW
>HOMBRE DE MUNDO
MIKE: Quien es mas macho - Ricardo Montalban, or Lloyd Bridges?
CROW: [as Lloyd] by this time, my lungs were aching for air!!
>HOME COOKING
>HOME GYM & FITNESS
>HOME MAGAZINE
>HOME MAGAZINE
>HOME MECHANIX
CROW: Are we supposed to trust a mechanical magazine that can't even spell
"Mechanics" right?
MIKE: I think it's just a bit of wordplay, Crow.
CROW: I don't want no stinking whimsey with my blueprints!
>HOME OFFICE COMPUTING
>HONOLULU
>HOOKED IN CROCHET
SERVO: The magazine for the seriously seriously *seriously* bored!
>HORIZON
>HOROSCOPE
>HOROSCOPE/ A PERSONAL DAILY GUIDE FOR EVERYONE
MIKE: Aires: Get ready to travel a great distance today. Make sure the
window's open
SERVO: Capricorn: A generous stranger will enter your life today: they will
even offer to pay for all the bloodwork.
CROW: Taurus: Guard your checkbook closely. Only pay for new magazine
subscriptions through e-mail.
>HOROSCOPE / DELL
>HORSE & HORSEMAN
>HORSE & HORSEMAN
MIKE: That should be "Horse and Horseperson"
>HORSE ILLUSTRATED
>HORSE & RIDER
>HORSEPLAY
SERVO: [as Mr. Ed] Okay, Wi-i-ilbur, go long down field and cut ri-i-i-ght.
>HORTICULTURE
CROW: Well, they say you can lead a horticulture but -
MIKE: [clamps hand over Crow's beak] You 're just bound and determined to
give that Exon guy more excuses, aren't you?
>HOT BOAT
>HOT ROD
>HOT ROD HARLEYS
SERVO: The magazine for Wild Rebels, man!
>HOUSE BEAUTIFUL
>HOUSTON METROPOLITAN
>HOUSTON PEOPLE
>HOUSTON PROFILES
>HOW
MIKE: Professor Plum
CROW: In the Kitchen
SERVO: With a rope
>HUDSON VALLEY
>HUMPTY DUMPTY
>HUNTING
MIKE: I think I'll stretch for a minute [Mike stands up and blocks Tom's &
Crow's view of the following]
SERVO & CROW: Hey!!
>HUSTLER
>HUSTLER'S BUSTY BEAUTIES
>HUSTLER'S EROTIC VIDEO GUIDE
>HUSTLER'S FANTASIES
>HUSTLER'S HUMOR
[Mike sits down]
CROW: What was that all about?
MIKE: Just avoiding an unpleasant situation for us all
>I LOVE CATS
SERVO: Especially with a nice marinara sauce and garlic bread
>IDEAS
CROW: This post should go under *bad* ideas!
>IDEAS PARA SU HOGAR
SERVO: [as Werner Klemperer] Hogar!!
>ILLUSTRATED BIBLE FOR CHILDREN
>IMPORT AUTO PARTS & ACCESSORIES
>IN BUSINESS
>IN-FISHERMAN
SERVO: [British accent] You know, sweetie darling, all of the very best
fishermen are using LaCroix lures this year!
>INC.
>INCOME OPPORTUNITIES
>INCOME PLUS
>INCREDIBLE HULK (COMIC)
CROW: [singing] The incredible, edible Hulk
>INDIVIDUAL INVESTOR
>IINDUSTRIAL MARKET PLACE
>INSIDE EDGE
>INSIDE IRELAND
MIKE: Kathy?
CROW: [sighing] Hopeless
>INSIDE KARATE
>INSIDE KUNG FU
>INSIDE SPORTS
>INSIGHT
>INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR
>INSTRUCTOR
>INTERIOR DECORATOR'S HANDBOOK
>INTERIOR DESIGN
SERVO: Just move the gall bladder a little to the right. Nono,
over there by the liver.
>INTERIORS
SERVO: Wasn't that a Woody Allen movie?
MIKE: I thought it was a Bergman film
CROW: Nah, it was directed by that "Hey Vern!" guy
>INTERNATIONAL LIVING
>INTERNATIONAL NURSING INDEX
>INTERNET WORLD
MIKE: And still another oxymoron
>INTERVIEW
>INTIMATE FASHION NEWS
CROW: Most of 'em wear those striped jumpsuits with the ball and chain.
SERVO: Not "inmate" fashions, *intimate* fashions
CROW: I know
>INVESTOR'S DAILY
>IRON MAN (COMIC)
SERVO: I... AM... IRON... MAN...
>ISLANDS
>ISRAEL SCENE
>JACK & JILL
MIKE: [as Diceman] Went up da' hill, ta fetch a paila' watah! Jack -
CROW: Hey, isn't that what you were razzing me for a minute ago?
>JERSEY WOMAN
>JERUSALEM POST INTERNATIONAL WEEKLY EDITION
>JERUSALEM REPORT
>JET
MIKE: [singing] B-b-b-bennie and the Jets...
>JEWISH EXPONENT
>JEWISH HOMEMAKER
>JEWISH POST & OPINION
CROW: Oy vey!
SERVO: Is Mir!
>JEWISH PRESS
>JUSTICE LEAGUE AMERICA (COMIC)
>JUSTICE LEAGUE EUROPE ( COMIC)
SERVO: The branch office.
>KARATE / KUNG FU ILLUSTATED
CROW: Hikeeba!
MIKE: What, precisely, does that mean?
CROW: If you gotta ask, man, you'll never know
>KEYBOARD
>KID CITY
>KIDSPORTS
>KIPLINGER'S PERSONAL FINANCE
SERVO: And this is my checkbook, and you can see that I haven't recorded
number 2309 yet, and this is my "Quicken" spreadsheet...
>KIT CAR
CROW: Cool! A magazine about Knight Rider!
MIKE: [as Norm McDonald] Which once again proves my theory, that Germans
love David Hasselhoff
>KITPLANES
>KNIFE WORLD
>KNITTING DIGEST
>KNITTING WORLD
SERVO: It's not that I don't believe some of these magazines exist, Mike,
but, *why*?
MIKE: Hey, my nana knits!
CROW: Nelson's nana knits Nuveena nice new nighties
SERVO: Nelson's nana nixes knitting Nixon's knickers
MIKE: Shut up! My nana's a saint!
>L'ACTUALITE
>LA LUZ
>LA VIE
MIKE: La Isla Bonita
SERVO: La - a note right after Sol
CROW: La Estupido Post de la Spam!
>LADIES HOME JOURNAL
>LADY'S CIRCLE
>LADYBUG
>LAKELAND BOATING
>LAN MAGAZINE (LOCAL AREA NETWORK)
>LAPIDARY JOURNAL
SERVO: Lap Dancing Cows: Rural America's secret shame. Next, on "Rikki"
>LEADERSHIP
>LEARNING '94
>LEFTHANDER
CROW: Sounds sinister to me.
>LEGAL GUIDE FOR THE FAMILY
>LEGION OF SUPER-HEROES (COMIC)
>LET'S LIVE
MIKE: Oh, let's not, and say we did.
>LIBRARY OF NATURAL WONDERS
>LIFE
SERVO: Is like a box a' chocolates.
>LIGHTING DIMENSIONS
>LINK-UP
>LINN'S STAMP NEWS
>LITTLE MERMAID
>LLUMO VOGUE
CROW: Llama Vogue?
MIKE: No, "Llumo".
CROW: Oh. What the heck's a llumo?
SERVO: A llama that's not hooked on phonics
>LONGEVITY
>LOONEY TUNES (COMIC)
MIKE: (as Elmer Fudd) Be vewy vewy qwiet - I'm scamming usuhws! Heheheheheh!
>LOOSE CHANGE
>LOS ANGELES
>LOTTERY PLAYERS MAGAZINE
CROW: That's it! I'm sorry, I *refuse* to believe this magazine exists!
>MAC HOME JOURNAL
>MACLEANS
SERVO: I had that problem with my II-e until I balanced it by putting a few
AOL test disks under one side
>MACUSER
>MACWORLD
MIKE: Bill Gates' worst nightmare!
>MADEMOISELLE
>MARKETERS FORUM
>MARRIAGE PARTNERSHIP
>MARVEL AGE (COMIC)
SERVO: About 45
MIKE: What?
SERVO: That's Marvel's age - about 45
>MARVEL COMICS PRESENTS
>MARVEL TALES SPIDERMAN (COMIC)
>MCCALL'S
>MCCALL'S NEEDLEWORK & CRAFTS
>MECANICA POPULAR
>MECHANICA POPULAR
MIKE: They had to put it in the shop to get that "H" installed.
>MEDIA & METHODS
>MEDICAL & HEALTH ENCYCLOPEDIA
SERVO: [announcer] It's a magazine, *and* an encyclopedia
>MEDICAL HOTLINE
>MEDICAL UPDATE
>MEGA PLAY
>MEMPHIS MAGAZINE
MIKE: [Elvis] Thankyaverramuch!
>MEN'S CONFIDENTIAL
>MEN'S FITNESS
>MEN'S HEALTH
>MEN'S JOURNAL
ALL: [singing] Men, Men, Men, it's a ship all filled with men...
>METROPOLIS
>METROPOLITAN HOME
>MICKEY MOUSE
>MICRO COMPUTER JOURNAL
CROW: A teeny tiny magazine for teeny tiny users.
>MICROSOFT SYSTEMS JOURNAL
>MID-ATLANTIC COUNTRY
>MIDSTREAM
MIKE: This issue: how to change horses
>MIDWEST LIVING
>MILITARY HISTORY
>MILWAUKEE
>MINISTRIES TODAY
>MINNESOTA MONTHLY
CROW: [as Minnesota woman] Oh, cripes, they finally got a good decent
magazine, Marge!
SERVO: [ditto] Oh, yah, I heard there's 20 pages o'hotdish recipes in there!
CROW: Ooh, yah think?
>MIRABELLA
>MOBILE OFFICE
SERVO: The magazine for Alabama business
>MODEL AIRPLANE NEWS
>MODEL NEWS
>MODEL SHOPPER
MIKE: I tried to build one of those once, but I ran out of glue
CROW: Bummer
>MODELS & TALENT/CASTING NEWS
>MODERN BRIDE
>MODERN GUN
>MODERN HORSE BREEDING
>MODERN SALON
SERVO: Modern Modernity
>MOMENT
>MONEY
>MONEYPAPER
CROW: [British] Miss Moneypaper, tell Bond to come in.
>MOODY MAGAZINE
SERVO: [giggling] A moody magazine, that's funny, hehehehehe...
MIKE: Well, not funny, but maybe amusing
SERVO: SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP!! DON'T EVEN TALK TO ME ABOUT IT!!!
MIKE: Sorry!
SERVO: [sobbing] I forgive you Mike, it just hurts so much, wa-a-a-ah!!!
CROW: We get the picture
SERVO: [normal] Okay
>MOODY MONTHLY
>MOPAR MUSCLE
>MORIBUS (COMIC)
>MOTHER EARTH NEWS
CROW: The other planets never call, they never write, I never see the
grandplanets...
>MOTHER JONES
MIKE: The direct polar opposite of "American Spectator"
SERVO: On the right: anal control-freaks! On the left: wacked-out psychos!
And you're caught in - the CROSSFIRE!
>MOTHERING
>MOTOR BOATING & SAILING
>MOTOR TREND
>MOTORCROSS ACTION
CROW: Hey, sidehackers!
>MOTORCYCLE CONSUMER NEWS
>MOTORCYCLIST
>MOTORHOME
>MOUNTAIN BIKE
>MOVIE MARKETPLACE
MIKE: Movies, Nice fresh movies right here!
CROW: Getcha market-fresh films heah!
SERVO: Cinema! Cinema! Straight from the bay to your plate! Cinema! Cinema!
>MOVIELINE
>MUNDO 21
>MUSCLE & FITNESS
>MUSCLECAR REVIEW
SERVO: [as Ah-nold] Now, dis cah heah, it's a little girly cah!
MIKE: [ditto] Yah, its a reahl flab-mobile!
>MUSICIAN
>MUSTANG MONTHLY
>MUSTANGS & FORDS
>MUSTANGS MONTHLY
>NAILS
>NAMOR (COMIC)
CROW: And now, ladies and gentlemen, Caroline's is proud to present the
latest comedic sensation, straight from Atlantis, high-powered prop
comic, *Namor!*
SERVO: A funny thing to me on the way to the Baxter Building...
>NATION
>NATION'S BUSINESS
SERVO: [announcer] Industry: The engine that drives the nation!
>NATION'S RESTAURANT NEWS
>NATIONAL AUCTION REPORT
>NATIONAL ENQUIRER
SERVO: Is Kenau Reeves the love child of Madonna and Jesse Helms?
Enquiring Minds want to know!
CROW: I wanna know.
MIKE: How can you take off 400 unsightly pounds in just 10 minutes?
Enquiring Minds want to know!
CROW: I wanna know!!
SERVO: Psychics predict the future - are Richard Gere and Phyllis Diller
headed for the alter - or the Oval Office? Enquiring Minds want to know!
CROW: I WANNA KNOW! I WANNA KNOW! SOMEONE TELL ME, PLEASE!!
MIKE: Probably, you can't, and I really, really, really hope not.
>NATIONAL FISHERMAN
>NATIONAL LAW JOURNAL
>NATIONAL OTC STOCK JOURNAL
>NATIONAL PARK MAGAZINE
>NATIONAL REVIEW
SERVO: Siskel and Ebert split on Estonia - Thumbs Up from Gene, Thumbs Down
from Roger
>NATIONAL TRIAL LAWYER
>NATURAL HEALTH
>NATURAL HISTORY
MIKE: No preservatives added
>NAVY TIMES
>NBA INSIDE STUFF
>*THE NET* (about the Internet)
CROW: Ooh, is that the one with the Sandra Bullock downloads?
>NEEDLE & CRAFT
>NEVADA MAGAZINE
>NEW AGE JOURNAL
CROW: Think anyone actually reads that?
MIKE: Well, they buy it, but actually *reading* it would take away too much
time from the important things, like mantra-chanting.
SERVO: They just *experience* the magazine, mon!
>NEW BUSINESS OPPORTUNITIES
>NEW CHOICES
>NEW ENGLAND JOURNAL OF MEDICINE
SERVO: [New Englander] Ayep, reckon you young'uns need some phenobarbitol
and halcion.
CROW: [Ditto] Pepperidge Labs remembahs
>NEW FARM
>NEW JERSEY MONTHLY
>NEW JERSEY OUTDOORS
ALL: YUCK!
>NEW MEXICO
>NEW REPUBLIC
>NEW TITANS (COMIC)
>NEW WARRIORS (COMIC)
SERVO: Who d'ya think's more powerful, the New Titans or the New Warriors?
CROW: Ah, the New Guardians could take 'em both
SERVO: But what about the New Crusaders and the New Defenders?
MIKE: I guess everything old is "New" again.
>NEW WOMAN
>NEW YORK MAGAZINE
>NEW YORK REVIEW OF BOOKS
MIKE: [Brooklyn] 'Ey, dis freakin' book was real freakin' good, but dis one
freakin' bit!
>NEW YORKER
>NEWSWEEK
>NICE & EASY FAMILY COOKBOOK
CROW: Corn Flakes
>NIGHT TRASHER (COMIC)
SERVO: This issue - the Night Trasher battles his most powerful foe - the
Evil Midnight Litterer What Litters At Midnight!
>NIGHT WATCH (COMIC)
MIKE: I though Night Watch was by Rembrandt.
SERVO: Nah, he was just guest artist on issue 10. Jim Lee's the regular.
MIKE: Ah!
>NO-TILL FARMER
CROW: Yes, the no-till farmer scrabbles pathetically at the dirt with his
bare hands, sacrificing his nail beds for some fuzzy ecological goal -
or something
>NORTH FLORIDA LIVING
>NORTH SHORE (CHICAGO)
>NOVA (COMIC)
>NUMISMATIC NEWS
SERVO: [BBC announcer] No coins were hurt today in an accident on the M-12
>NURSING
CROW: Sa-a-ay...
MIKE: You, mister, have a dirty mind!
SERVO: Maybe he needs a brain washing
>NUTRITION & DIETARY CONSULTANT
>NUTRITION HEALTH REVIEW
>OCCASIONAL BULLETIN
MIKE: They turned down my request to be a regular contributor.
>OFF ROAD
>OFFICIAL CROSSWORD PUZZLES
>OFFICIAL DETECTIVE
>OFFICIAL MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL ROOKIE LEAGUE MAGAZINE FOR KIDS
CROW: The magazine guaranteed to have the longest name in the world
>OFFICIAL PENCIL PUZZLES / WORD GAMES
>OFFICIAL US CUSTOM HOUSE GUIDE
>OFFICIAL WORD SEARCH PUZZLES
SERVO: Excuse me, sir, I'm from Dell, and those are unofficial word search
puzzles. I'm afraid you'll have to come with us
>OLD CARS NEWS & MARKETPLACE
>OLD CARS PRICE GUIDE
>OLD HOUSE JOURNAL
CROW: If Bob Villa ruled the world!
>OLD TIME CROCHET
>OMNI
SERVO: [singing] Talkin' bout - pop science. Talkin' bout - pop science.
MIKE & SERVO: [singing] Pop pop - pop science, pop pop - pop science.
>ONLINE ACCESS
>ONSAT
>OPEN WHEEL
>OPERA NEWS
MIKE: [singing] La Opera News, es la Opera Man-o
La Tiresome Post-o, es la mindless spam-o
>OPPORTUNITY MAGAZINE
>ORGANIC GARDENING
SERVO: As opposed to?
CROW: Growing wax fruit, I guess.
>OUTDOOR LIFE
>OUTDOOR PHOTOGRAPHER
>OUTDOOR PRESS
>OUTSIDE
MIKE: Outside! Bad dog! Outside
[CROW & SERVO make doggie noises]
>OVERDRIVE
>PACIFIC NORTHWEST
>PACK -O-FUN
CROW: This is a pack-o-
MIKE: Crow!
CROW: Um, not-fun!
SERVO: Weak save.
CROW: Hey, they can't all be gems!
>PADDLE SPORTS
>PADDLER
SERVO: Um...
MIKE: Never heard of 'em, guys
CROW: That's kind of a whole weird area for a magazine
SERVO: Geez, I'm gettin' clown flashbacks
CROW: Steady, Tom
MIKE: One day, you're going to have to explain this whole clown/circus
fixation you guys have.
SERVO: I ain't goin' near it!
CROW: Trust us: it's evil.
>PAINTWORKS
>PALM BEACH LIFE
>PALM SPRINGS LIFE
>PARENTING
>PARENTS
>PARENTS OF TEENAGERS
SERVO: Are too frustrated and annoyed to read this.
End 3/4