[MiSTing] "Trials and Tubby-lations" [Teletubbies/VOY/X-Files] [5/5]
Matthew R Blackwell
[The Bridge of the SoL]
[Mike, Tom, and Crow stand behind the command console.
The Tubbies are running into each other, and bouncing off
their tummies.]
Tom : You know, I thought that I'd grow tired of watching
these four run into each other, but it's actually
really relaxing.
Mike: It's like a Technicolor version of those balls on a
string that sit on executives' desks...
Crow: Are you two feeling okay?
Mike: [Monotone] Yes. Everything is fine.
Tom : [Monotone] Why do you ask?
Crow: Okay, you both seem to be under the sway of the Tubbies
and are no longer able to think for yourselves. [Pause]
I wonder what's on TV? [The Castle light begins to flash.]
Well, I guess that I better see what Pearl wants...
[Crow taps the light with his beak.]
[Castle Forrester]
Pearl: Oh, hi Art. Did Mike fall under the Tubbies' evil sway?
[SoL]
Crow: Yep. Tom too.
[Castle Forrester]
Pearl: Bummer. You see, those pesky children's show people
are getting rather pesky. Some of them keep getting
in the castle...
[Observer rushes in.]
Observer: Pearl, the entire cast of "You Can't Do That on
Television!" is in the foyer!
Pearl: Didn't that show go off the air years ago?
Observer: Well, apparently they're back...
[A female voice off screen begins to sing.]
Voice: [O.S.] o/~ Thank you India, thank you Providence,
thank you, thank you, dis-ill-usion-ment! o/~
Observer: ...and they've brought Alanis with them.
Pearl: Well, just send them to the cornfield, okay?
Observer: The cornfield is full! I already had to send
the cast of the "Mickey Mouse Club" there!
Pearl: Er...?
Observer: Yes, yes. I know. They haven't been on the air
for years either!
Pearl: Well... just send them to Springer. Hell, he can
base an entire week around Alanis.
Observer: Understood.
[He rushes offstage.]
Pearl: Well, I guess that's about it. If the "You Can't
Do That on Television!" people can get in here,
then pretty much anyone can. Barney, Captain
Kangaroo, that weird clown woman, Newt Gingrich...
[A young man, wearing a shirt with stripes of light and
dark green, and a blue computer animated dog rush into
the room.]
Steve: Hey, it looks like Blue's found another clue! [puzzled]
But where is it?
[The voice of a young boy and girl pipe up.]
Kids: [O.S.] It's on the chair!
Pearl: Bobo!!!
[Bobo enters and grabs Steve.]
Bobo: I got it Lawgiver.
[Bobo drags him offscreen. The dog follows close behind.]
Pearl: As I was saying... it looks like it's curtains for us
here, Art.
[SoL]
[Mike and Tom are chanting "Tubby, Tubby!" in a dazed voice.]
Crow: It looks pretty bad here too. Why, I'd guess that we're
doomed unless....
[Suddenly, a blinding white light fills the Satellite. Moments
later, Castle Forrester is flooded with the same light. When
the light clears, the Tubbies, the kids shows hosts, all of
them are gone. The scene returns to the SoL, where Mike and
Tom seem to have awakened from their dazed state.]
Crow: ...there we go.
Mike: Wha'?
Tom: What happened?
[Gypsy sprints into view.]
Gypsy: Mike! Mike! Something's coming in on the hexfield!
Tom : Maybe it's our mysterious savior!
Mike: Well, let's see who it is...
[The hexfield opens, revealing a brown haired woman.]
All : Gasp! TOYAH WILCOX!
Mike: You saved us?
[Hexfield]
Toyah: Yes Mike. You see, I couldn't stand by and let them
control you like that...
[SoL]
Crow: [Interrupting] That's great. We really appreciate you
saving us like that but, who the hell are you?
Tom : Please, just one song title. An album, anything!
[Hexfield]
Toyah: Sigh. Oh all right, you see, I was...
[She turns and looks offscreen in horror.]
Toyah: Oh no! Not them! Not now! AIIIIEEEEEEE!!!!!!
[She throws up her hands, as if to ward off something.
As the hexfield closes, we hear Toyah's scream continue.
The quartet stare at the Hexfield for a moment, then
turn back towards the audience.]
Mike: Okay. I give up. Back to you, Pearl.
Crow: Yeesh.
Tom : Yeah, that's the best ending they can come up with?
[Castle Forrester]
Pearl: I hope that the Chubb people don't cancel their check
after they find out that their cash cow vanished on
me...
[Bobo enters with a boyish looking man dressed in a gray suit
and red bow tie.]
Bobo: Lawgiver, this guy was in our TV room. What should I
do with him?
Pee-Wee: Hi Lawgiver! Heh-heh-heh!
[Pearl looks at him for a minute, then shrugs.]
Pearl: Ah. He might be useful. Let's keep him around.
Push the button, Pee-Wee.
Pee-Wee: Okay Lawgiver!
[Pee-Wee pushes the button and the screen dilates with
a loud
\ | /
\ | /
--- * --- PWOOOOSH!
/ | \
/ | \
Pee-Wee: [V.O.] You know, since Murphy Brown went off the
air, I'm available for a reoccurring role...
Pearl: [V.O.] We'll keep in touch, Paul.
"Trials and Tubby-lations" was written by
Doug Atkinson < do...@earlham.edu >
Andrew Perron < aam...@snip.net >
Matthew Blackwell (Editor) < mbla...@ix.netcom.com >
Original Stories written by:
Sasscat Bu-to-y "Time for Tubby Bye-Bye."
< fitc...@netaccess.co.nz >
Deslea R. Judd "A Teletubby X-File."
< drj...@tig.com.au > < drj...@catholic.org >
Mary Wiecek "The Teletubbies Incident."
< worf_d...@email.msn.com >
Merlynn "Fun with Teletubbies"
< bb...@cdc.net >
"Star Trek: Voyager" and all related characters and
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"The X-Files" and its related characters and situations
are trademarks of and copyrighted [c] 1998 of Fox
Television, Chris Carter, and 1013 Productions.
"Teletubbies" and its related characters and
situations are trademarks of and copyright [c] of
Ragdoll Productions (UK) and the BBC.
"Mystery Science Theater 3000" and its related characters and
situations are trademarks of and copyrighted [c] 1998 by Best
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Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for non-
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Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for
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No personal insults to author(s), character(s), or situation(s)
are or should be implied. All characters in this work are
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to actual people, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
When in Teletubbyland, guests of "Teletubbies!" stay in the
beautiful Teletubby Hilton. It happens at the Hilton, tubby,
tubby, tubby.
Keep circulating the posts.
11/27/1998
Twang.
>She gave him an icy glare and loaded the rifle emphatically. "Time
>for tubby bye-bye, Lieutenant."
Pamela A Cichocki
On Sat, 28 Nov 1998, Matthew R Blackwell wrote:
> [1 . . . 2 . . . 3 . . . 4 . . . 5 . . . 6 . . . ]
>
> [The Bridge of the SoL]
> [Mike, Tom, and Crow stand behind the command console.
> The Tubbies are running into each other, and bouncing off
> their tummies.]
> Tom : You know, I thought that I'd grow tired of watching
> these four run into each other, but it's actually
> really relaxing.
> Mike: It's like a Technicolor version of those balls on a
> string that sit on executives' desks...
> Crow: Are you two feeling okay?
> Mike: [Monotone] Yes. Everything is fine.
> Tom : [Monotone] Why do you ask?
> Crow: Okay, you both seem to be under the sway of the Tubbies
> and are no longer able to think for yourselves. [Pause]
I don't have any kids, but I DO have a 9:30 class, so I've
experianced this effect more than I care to admit. I guess it's hard for
my brain to admit that anyone could dumb down tv this way. (For the
record, the 1st time my sister saw this show, she became so horrified that
the mere mention of the word 'Eh, oh! gives her those full-body type
shudders!)
I LOVED this storyline, though! I think that these "things" are
actually the spawn of Satan, and I for one relish the thought of blowing
them away! Yay!!