MSTied: The Thoughts of Others
Napoleon Dynamite
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"Shu, thatsa fine." - Chico Marx
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sl...@cc.usu.edu
<INTRO>
<Mike, Tom, and Crow are sitting in coats over a hole in the floor>
MIKE: Oh, hi everyone, welcome to Lake Satellite of Love, and I thought,
after the blockbuster hit "Grumpy Old Men", I'd show Tom and Crow how
to ice-fish!
TOM: Yeah, Crow, why don't you pull your lip over your head, and swallow!
CROW: Oh, yeah...*sniff*sniff*, why don't you see if you can scare any more
fish away with your after-shave...
<Gypsy walks by>
GYPSY: Oh wow...hi guys! Neat fishing hole!
<Gypsy leaves>
CROW: Holy...who was that!
TOM: She's mine!
CROW: Says who?
TOM: Says me!
MIKE: Uh, we'll be right back...
<Commercial Sign>
<Tom and Crow are arguing>
TOM: But you don't understand, women get obsessed with me, it's one of those
"Gamera" things...
CROW: Yeah, and you look like him too!
TOM: Hey!
MIKE: Oh great, John and Lorena are calling!
<Deep 13>
DR.F: Oh, just get to the invention exchange Mickey Mantle!
<SOL>
MIKE: Well, our invention deals with a problem of all of America faces at
the moment...Comedy Central scheduling.
TOM: Sad, really, how such a promising network can go so bad with scheduling
so quickly...
CROW: But now, you can always know what Comedy Central is up to, with the
Comedy Central Schedulizer! That's right, no more annoying last-minute
schedule changes, now you are, up, to date!
MIKE: Ok...Tom, do you have any shows in mind?
TOM: How about Monty Python's Flying Circus at 4pm?
<Mike reads the schedulizer>
MIKE: Nope, it's been pre-empted by the Teddy Z-a-thon!
What do you think sirs?
<Deep 13>
DR.F: I think you had better bow down before the obvious superiority of my
invention. I call it the mind-switcher! It'll switch my brain with the brain
of some unsuspecting person, in this case, Bill Clinton! Then I will rule the
world! Ha Ha Ha!
<Frank comes in with a pitcher of lemonade and a glass>
FRANK: Hiya, Chiefaroo, whatcha doing?
DR.F: Frank, go away!
FRANK: Oh, c'mon, have some lemonade!
<Frank pours some lemonade in the glass, which spills on the console>
DR.F: Frank, you...AUUUUUGHH!!!!!
<SOL>
MIKE: AUUUUUGGGGGHHH!!!!
TOM: Mike are you ok?
CROW: C'mon speak to us buddy!
MIKE/DR.F: Well, Hill, time to nuke Russia, and...hey! What's with the
jumpsuit? And the hunks of tin???
TOM&CROW: Uh-oh...
<Deep 13>
DR.F/MIKE: How did he get his hair to be like this???
FRANK: Uh...yeah...uh...your post is...uh...the Thoughts of Others...heh
heh...and it's alt.startrek...oh,boy, uh creative...have fun, boss! Heh heh
heh...
<SOL>
DR.F: This is ridiculous! I'm not going into the theatre...Frank turn off
article sign! *ZAP* Ow, Frank, you stop that *ZAP* Ow ow ow ow ow!!!
*...6...5...4...3...2...1
<Tom and Crow are sitting in the theatre, Dr.F is hiding at the doorway>
>Part #1
TOM: C'mon Dr.F!
CROW: Yeah, what are you chicken? Cluck-cluck-cluck!
DR.F: No way, I've read that post!
CROW: Come on, you wuss!
> STAR TREK- Next Generation
TOM: Guess he can dish it out but he can't take it.
> The Thoughts of Others.
CROW: My thoughts are none of your business!
> SPACE, THE FINAL FRONTIER.
> THESE ARE THE CONTINUING VOYAGES
TOM: Of the Satellite of Love
> OF THE STARSHIP ENTERPRISE.
> ITS MISSION TO FIND NEW LIFE
TOM: In old plots and complications!
> AND CIVILIZATIONS, AND TO BOLDLY GO
TOM&CROW: Where no post has gone before!
> WHERE NO-ONE HAS GONE BEFORE.
> CAPTAINS LOG - Stardate - 4842.3
CROW: Times pi.
> We are on our way to pick up a new crew member commissioned
TOM: By the Ford foundation.
> by Starfleet to be trained as a Counsellor by our
> own Counsellor Deanna Troi. Not much is known about
> young Klarissa-Eloise Starlight except that like
> Ensign Crusher
CROW: She is annoying as hell!
> she is a child prodigy.
CROW: But she used America On-Line!
> Trained in
> medical and security she is bound to be a valuable
> crew member.
TOM: But who am I kidding!
> Counsellor Troi has informed me that
> she has known this young Betazoid for many years.
CROW: They both went to the same sorority.
TOM: Yeah, Tappa Kega Day! Wahoo!
DR.F: That is the stupidest joke I've ever heard!
CROW: Shut up you wimp!
> Two Betazoids in the main bridge crew, now this
> will be interesting!........................
CROW: Insert favorite innuendo here!
> .......The automatic doorbell beeped.
> "Come!" Called Captain Picard from his comfortable
> chair.
TOM: The Lay-Z-Boy 5000!
> In walked the bearded Commander Riker.
CROW: As opposed to the balded Captain Picard?
> "Sir, we have arrived at Earth and are ready to
> beam aboard our new crew member."
> "Thankyou No.1, is Counsellor Troi ready?"
TOM(deep): Oh yes! I mean, er, yes, she is!
> "Deanna is waiting in transporter room three."
> "I guess she is looking forward to meeting her young
> friend again."..........................
CROW: And drinking brewskis!
DR.F: Oh give me a break!
CROW(Hans): Oh, listen to the little girly man who can't take the post!
TOM(Franz): Yeah, he is really Dr. Clayton Flabbester!
> ......."Yes Data, I've read the Lt. Commander's
> profile.
CROW: Miss July, 2384.
> A Betaziod that fights like a Klingon warrior!
> I'll believe it when I see it!" huffed Lt. Worf,
> trying to concentrate on his station.
TOM: Where he was watching The Real World
> "Two Betazoids on the bridge, it's hard enough trying
> to hide your emotions from Deanna, But now
CROW: you'll have two women to sexually harrass!
> you'll
> have to mind our thoughts as well." said Lt. La Forge...................
TOM: I guess it's the search for Political Correctness now...
> .......The first thing Captain Picard noticed when
> the blue transporter beam disappeared was the
CROW: The man-child within.
> extremely
> long curly dark head of hair this young lady had.
CROW: Then he saw the bulbuous, heaving breasts, moistened with persperation...
> "Very Betazoid!" he thought to himself.
TOM(Barry White): Oh, yes, VERY Betazoid baby...
> "Yes Captain, I am Betazoid, but very Betazoid!
> I don't understand?"
TOM: She sounds like a badly-dubbed Sandy Frank movie.
CROW: Is there another kind?
TOM: D'oh!
> spoke the young lady as she
> walked towards the Captain.
TOM: Her hips swaying back and forth as she walked...
DR.F: Hey!
TOM: Oh, is the great Dr. Forrester going to censor me?
> "Lt. Commander Klarissa-Eliose
> Starlight reporting for duty Sir!"
> "Welcome to the Enterprise, Lt. Commander Starlight.
CROW: Starbright, first star I see tonight.
> I'd like you to meet my No.1 Commander Riker,
TOM(falsetto): He just slipped to No. 4 Captain!
> and
> you already know Counsellor Troi."
> "Commander Riker, nice to finally meet you, Deanna
> has told me so much about you."
DR.F: Is it true about you and tribbles?
CROW: Gee, Clay, that was sick! We like it!
> "All good I hope?" he replied giving the young lady
> a smile.
> "Deanna, it's great to see you again." the thought
> transferred to Deanna.
TOM: I'm sorry, Deanna's not here right now, but if you leave your
name and number...
> "I feel the same, its been three years." then remembering
> where she was she spoke.
<Tom starts smoking...>
TOM: Ah-beeda ah-beeda ah-beeda!
CROW: C'mon man, you don't have to grammar flame!
> "I'll show you to your
> quarters then we can talk
TOM: about how we need Riker like a fish needs a bicycle!
> for a while."......................
> .......As Captain Picard walked onto the bridge
> with Riker, he spoke. "Well No.1, what do you think
> of Starlight?"
ALL: Starbright!
> "Very young to be so experienced,
CROW: I hope that's an innocent remark.
DR.F: What do you think?
CROW: I don't want to know!
> but also very
> lovely"
TOM: Nice professional observation, Will.
> "Yes, she is at that, just remember that she is
> telepathic, so mind your thoughts!"
TOM: Because she knows if you've been naughty or nice.
> "Yes Sir." Riker smiled to himself as he sat down.
DR.F(Riker): Another notch to be added to my belt!
> "Ensign Crusher, set course 4632 Mark 8 at Warp
> 3!"
> "Ay Commander, course set and laid in Sir."
> "Then Engage Mr.Crusher."
CROW: But how can he engage himself?
TOM: Oh, I don't know...
> said the Captain "We've
> got a lot of work to do!"
> The Enterprise then left Earth's orbit and streaked
> out into the galaxy........................
CROW: Isn't streaking illegal?
> ........After relaxing for a while and trying to
> get used to her new surroundings. Elrissa changed
> out of uniform for an informal welcome dinner and
TOM: the chance to be scoped out by every male in the ship.
> drinks in 10 Forward. Seeing Deanna's familiar face
> helped her relax and not feel so alone.
TOM: Get that face out of here!
CROW: Deanna Troi killed me! Deanna Troi killed me!
> But she
> was used to loneliness because of her whole teenage
> years consisting of study and training, and not having
> time to meet people her own age.
TOM: Thank you exposition-man!
> Elrissa walked into 10 Forward and looked around
> for Deanna. But she couldn't see her.
DR.F: She was hiding behind Guinan's hat!
> "Klarissa-Eloise, we're over here!" called Riker.
CROW: That name just doesn't really have much of a ring to it.
TOM: Well, it's a Ring...of Terror!
> Elrissa walked over to the table where she saw the
> Captain, Commander, a Klingon, an Android, a guy
> with a visor and a woman.
TOM: But why the midget?
> Riker introduced them.
> "I'd like you to meet Lt. Worf, Lt. Commander Data,
> Lt. Geordi La Forge and Dr. Beverly Crusher. Deanna
> will be here soon, she is still on the bridge."
CROW: acting superior.
> "Deanna has told me so much about all of you, and
> it's great to finally meet you all."
TOM: Except for Commander Riker, or can I call you "perv"?
> "Take a seat Klarissa-Eloise, What would you like
> to drink?"
CROW: Shirley Temple please!
> "Just an orange juice please. Also please call
> me either Elrissa or Riss, my full name is a nuisance
> even for me to say."
TOM: And for us to listen to!
> Deanna arrived and walked over to the table.
DR.F: jumped onto it, and began a strip-tease!
> "Wesley said to go ahead with dinner and he'll join
> us for drinks later. He wants to get some extra
> study done."
CROW: He just checked out "Our Bodies, Ourselves..."
> "Well, Wesley will have to get his head out of his
> study tapes this time. I'd like him to meet our
> new crew member,"
TOM: Because we hate him and enjoy humiliating him.
> said the Captain, then to his communicator
> button. "Ensign Crusher, report to 10 Forward on
> the double!"..............
CROW: Or 20 Forward on the single.
> ......."Yes Captain, I'll be right there." answered
> Wesley sitting in his quarters studying. "This had
> better be worth interrupting me."
CROW: We don't want to know...
> he said to himself.
TOM: Oh, please, not a "Wesley in love" story.
> Putting his equipment away
<Everyone clears their throats>
> he changed out of uniform
> and made his way to 10 Forward.
> Walking into 10 Forward, Wesley walked over to the
> Captains usual table,
CROW: tripped and ripped a hole in his pants.
> the first thing he noticed
> was a girl about his age with long dark hair, wearing
> a brightly coloured peasant top and skirt, chatting
> away to the Captain.
TOM: Giving him her cabin number.
> "Wesley, I'm glad you could pull yourself away from
> your study." Picard said "I'd like you to meet Lt.
> Commander Klarissa-Eloise Starlight."
TOM: Starbright.
> "Hi Klarissa-Eloise, pleasure to meet you."
> "Please call me either Elrissa or Riss.
CROW(high): As long as you call me!
> It's nice
> to meet you too!" Elrissa replied giving Wesley
> a smile.
TOM: Oh, vile temptress! Why tease me so?
> Without understanding why, Wesley returned the smile
> and the evening went smoothly.........................
ALL: Nooooooooooo!
> PERSONAL LOG - Klarissa-Eloise Starlight
ALL: Starbright.
> STARDATE - 4842.3
DR.F: which coincides with the number of men's hopes that she's
destroyed.
CROW: Personal experience, eh?
DR.F: Shut up, pinbeak! I'll get you later!
> So far everything in my new job has been fine.
> Captain Picard seems very friendly, but very strict.
TOM(high): He won't let me go topless on the bridge!
> Commander Riker is a real honey. Why he gave up
> his relationship with Deanna, I don't know,
CROW: Maybe she woke up and smelled the coffee?
> Lt. Commander Data is definitely a unique being.
> Even though he is android it is hard to tell.
TOM: After all, he IS fully functional!
> Deanna has told me that Lt. Worf is really a softie,
> but he puts on the Klingon warrior act so that
CROW: he picks up chicks!
> his
> inferiors are afraid of him. But all his friends
> know what he is really like.
TOM: Richard Simmons!
> Lt. Geordi La Forge is blind but wears a visor to
> help him see.
CROW: And let's him read books full of whimsy and wonder and wisdom...
DR.F: Thank you, Kunta Kente!
> He is so cool and funny.
TOM(high): He's just like Jimmy Walker!
> Dr. Beverly Crusher is a red headed woman who loves
> to joke around with the Captain.
ALL: Oh, YEAH!
> It's also obvious
> to me how she feels about him. Maybe Deanna can
> fill me in about their past.
CROW: Yeah, these Betazoids are the ultimate gossip-mongers!
> Then last of all is Beverly's son, Ensign Wesley
> Crusher. He is the same age as me.
TOM(high): But he's nowhere near as cool.
> I don't know
> if he knows that we'll be working together.
CROW: Wesley will pass his rites of manhood soon...
> The
> first thought I read from him was.
TOM: Duh, girl pretty, huh-huh, huh-huh
> "Wow, where did Starfleet pick her up from?" so
> hopefully that means we can be friends.
CROW: But enough sexual banter.
> ........Walking off the turbolift onto the bridge
> Elrissa was greeted by William Riker.
TOM: Hi, my name is Will, I'm your waiter this evening...
> "Lt. Commander Starlight, could you please man the
> Security and Defence station until Lt. Worf arrives?"
DR.F: Then he'll Klingon it...
TOM&CROW: Booooooo!
DR.F: How would you like to be reprogrammed to be Twiki!
> "Yes Sir." Elrissa replied and walked over to her
> station.
> No sooner had she reached her station, a sub-space
> communication from Starfleet came through.
CROW: Beware...of...the dwarf!
> "Sir, Starfleet are sending a priority 1 message."
TOM: We is recieving it!
CROW: Ha Ha Ha! Kiss your RamChip goodbye!
TOM: Oohhh!
> "Thankyou Starlight."
DR.F: Starbright!
TOM: That's REALLY annoying!
DR.F: Bite me, I'm evil!
> Riker replied, "Bridge to
> Captain Picard, we are receiving a priority 1 from
> Starfleet."
CROW(Picard): Just a sec Will, I'm in the little captain's room...
> "Ok No.1! I'll be right there. Ask all senior
> officers to report to the bridge."....................
CROW: Then we'll play Scattergories!
> ........The vision of a middle aged woman appeared
> on the viewscreen.
TOM: Oh no it's Kathy Bates!
CROW(Kathy): I'm your Number one fan Jean-Luc!
> "Greetings Captain Picard."
> "Greetings Admiral Smyth." replied Picard.
DR.F: Oh, I just LOVE their goofy banter!
> "Starfleet has just received word of Ferengi activity
> in the Neutral Zone. Unfortunately the Romul
TOM: Uh, quick let's run Crow!
<Crow swings past Tom and they rush out the other side>
DR.F: Come back! I promise you'll feel better!!! Ha Ha Ha! Wait a minute...
where's the exit???
1...2...3...4...5...6...*
<SOL>
TOM: Oh, no, I don't know how much more I can take!
CROW: C'mon Mike, bring down the Satellite of Love!
<Deep 13, "Dr.F" is sans mustache and has cut his hair>
MIKE: Uh, I tried guys, but when Frank spilled the lemonade
on the console, it fried the controls...
FRANK: Sorry!
MIKE: But as soon as he gets it repaired, we'll bring you down!
Meanwhile, just stay clear of Dr.F you hear me guys?
<SOL, Dr.F appears wielding a screwdriver>
DR.F: Heeeeeeerrrrrrreeeee's Clay!!!
CROW: Augh! He found his way out of the theatre!
TOM: Run! RUN!!!
<Article sign starts flashing>
CROW: Thank God it's article sign!
DR.F: I will get you!
*...6...5...4...3...2...1
> Part #2...
TOM: Electric Boogaloo!
> ans
> are also involved."
CROW: Hans is also involved?
TOM: Ja, it's really fun!
> "Activity Admiral? What type of activity?'
CROW: We're playing the Family Feud!
> "Some reports of actual firing upon each other,
> we need the Enterprise to break it up and make the
> Ferengi
TOM: kiss and make up!
> move back to their own territory. We are
> transmitting the co-ordinates."
CROW: Yes, sir, feeding it to the sub-ordinates!
> "Captain, we are receiving." answered Lt. Commander
> Data.
TOM: But the ball is wide and outside!!!
> "Captain Picard, it is imperative that you reach
> the Neutral Zone as soon as possible. We have had
> good relations with the Romulans
CROW: Yeah they only try to kill you every time you meet!
> and we don't need
> the Ferengi to ruin it. Admiral Smyth out."
> The vision of the Admiral disappeared.
TOM: To be replaced by Kathy Ireland!
> "Ensign Crusher, are the co-ordinates set in?"
> "Yes Captain, at warp eight."
CROW: Those are FAST coordinates!
> "Engage Mr. Crusher!"
TOM: But I'm only a kid!
> Again the Enterprise streaked out across the galaxy
> but this time with a mission.......................
CROW: To sell T-shirts, toy phasers, and anything else we can
think of!
> ........Six hours later the Enterprise reached the
> Neutral Zone.
TOM: But they had no permit to park there.
> "Mr.Data, scan the sector for vessels." asked Riker.
> "Scanning Sir, two vessels in quadrant 218, one
> Romulan the other
CROW: John_-_Winston!
> Ferengi. Both firing upon each
> other."
TOM: That's what the Ferengi get for not watering the plants.
> "Mr. Crusher, set course to intercept vessels, Engage!
CROW: Crusher is SO engaging...NOT!
> Lt. Worf open hailing frequencies."
> "Hailing frequencies open Captain."
TOM: But it's $2.95 a minute!
> "Romulan and Ferengi vessels, I am Jean-Luc Picard
> on board the Federation Starship Enterprise. I ask
DR.F: That you sacrifice Wesley in a bizarre earth-ritual!
TOM: Not bad...not bad...
> you to cease fire and return to your own territories."
> "Incoming communication from the Romulan vessel
> Sir, they transmit visually."
CROW: It's closed-captioned for the plot impaired!
> "Activate viewscreen Mr. Worf. Romulan vessel we
> transmit visually."
TOM: Read our lips!!!
> The vision of a male with a long face, pointed ears
> and eyebrows
CROW: the size of Cleveland!
> appeared. "Captain Picard, I am Mala,
TOM&CROW: Mala mala mala banana-nana bo-bala me-mi-mo-Mala!
DR.F: I don't get it.
> Captain of the Defender. Thankyou for your interest
TOM: But we're not hiring right now.
> in our situation but we can rid ourselves of the
> Ferengi scum without your assistance."
CROW: However, if you wish to have Deanna appear in
a cheerleader's outfit...
> The vision on the viewscreen disappeared....................
TOM: To be replaced by the vision of Ray Charles...
CROW: Help me!
> ......."Counsellor Troi, I am now open to any comments
> on what we have just witnessed."
TOM(high): Ooh Spock! Ooh...uh, what Captain?
> "Well Sir, the Romulans are not finding it easy
> to vacate the Ferengi,
CROW: Since they haven't paid rent for 3 years!
> I sensed panic but also pride
TOM: In being the best he can be!
> preventing him to ask for help."
> "Starlight, have you got any comments or advice
> on the situation?"
CROW(high): Yes, Deanna 's hairstyle is way off
> "Sir, Counsellor Troi is correct in her evaluation,
> but I also picked up a thought about joining
TOM: Amway!
> the
> Federation. I feel that we should assist and encourage
> them to join us."
ALL: Join us! Join us!
> After the incident with the Borg, the Romulans
> have started to assist the Federation.
TOM: But they charge outrageous rates!
> Mr. Worf,
> arm proton torpedoes, aim at Ferengi vessel and standby."
> answered Picard.
CROW: What was the question???
> "Yes Captain."
> "Open hailing frequencies."
TOM: Sorry, there is no hail available, would you like some sleet
instead?
DR.F: Oh, boo.
CROW: Yeah, I hate to agree with Dr. F, but that joke stunk.
> "Hailing frequencies open Sir."
> "Ferengi vessel, vacate yourself from the Neutral
> Zone or
CROW: be towed!
> state your business."
> "Captain, sensors indicate another vessel approaching."
> commented Ensign Crusher.
DR.F: Oh, sure just comment why don't you?
<Tom and Crow snicker at Dr.F>
DR.F: What? WHAT???
> "Report Mr. Crusher!" said Riker.
> "Federation Starship sending the ID code of the
TOM: The Millenium Falcon!
CROW: No!!! Not a Star Wars/Star Trek crossover!!!
> U.S.S. Hood."
> "Confirmed............Captain! The Ferengi vessel
TOM: Needs a new paint job!
> is powering up again." said Worf.
> "Captain, the Ferengi are leaving!"
CROW: They ran out of change for the meter!
> reported Data..........
> ..........
> CAPTAINS LOG - Stardate - 4842.3
> The Ferengi have left the Neutral Zone and we have
TOM: Watched the Bills finally win the Super Bowl on their
325th straight visit!
> followed up on Lt. Commander Starlight's suggestion
CROW: Of using ointment on the...
TOM: I don't think you should go that far...
CROW: Ooookay...
> of the Romulans joining the Federation. Our presence
> in the area caused the Ferengi to leave
TOM: So they didn't have to read this post!
> without any
> problems.
CROW: Except their ship needed a jump-start...
> The U.S.S. Hood is also participating in the alliance
> talks. Maybe in the future, one day, the Ferengi
TOM: will have taste in music!
> will be willing to join us. But until then we have
> to keep them from causing any more trouble.
CROW: Like spiking the punch at parties!
> ........"Wesley, could I talk to you for a few minutes?"
> Elrissa asked as she walked into Wesley's quarters.
TOM: Flaunting her sexuality...
> "Of course Elrissa, what's the problem?"
CROW(high): That I'm only wearing a teddy and you aren't attracted
at all, and what's this about Worf in a dress???
> "No problem, I was asked to talk to you about your
> training."
CROW(Wesley): Thank you, God.
> "What about my training?"
TOM: You have to wear this dog collar and live with Riker.
> "The Captain has asked me to train you in defence
> skills. I was wondering how you would feel about
> that?"
> "I thought that Worf would be training me!"
TOM(high): You're only a freshman!
> "Picard feels that you should work with someone
> closer to your age because
CROW: he wants me to have an even lower sense of self-esteem!
> you have always been around
> adults."
> Looking at Elrissa with a smile on his face. "I'm
> looking forward to training with you."
CROW: Yes, I scored!
> "Good." Then heading out of Wesley's quarters Elrissa
> turned back to him. "I hope we can be friends Wesley."
> "So do I Elrissa!"..........................
TOM: Now, where did I put my jello?
> PERSONAL LOG - Wesley Crusher
> Stardate - 4842.4
CROW: A girl actually might like me!!!
> On our stopover at Earth, the Enterprise picked
> up a new crew member. Lt. Commander Klarissa-Eliose
CROW: Lovemuffin!
> Starlight. That evening Captain Picard interrupted
> my study time to meet her. It was worth it all right!
TOM: Guys, this is one sick post...
DR.F: I kinda like it!
> Elrissa will be working with Deanna, Worf, Mum
CROW: is the word!
> and
> me. She will be training me in defence skills.
TOM: And how!
> Boy, would I love to know where Starfleet picked
> her up from!
CROW: A singles bar on Zeta Three!
> I don't know much about her, except that she is
> 18, Betaziod,
CROW: And available!
> fully trained in medical and security
> and that she will be trained by Deanna as Counsellor.
TOM: To be even more annoying than she is now.
> Luckily there are a couple of facts about Betazoid
> females that I already know, they are telepathic,
CROW: babes, and into hot tubbing.
> but I'm looking forward to learning more.
TOM: Oh, yes!
> Everyone seems to like Elrissa. I saw her walking
> to the bridge past a couple of guys. All of them
CROW: I sense a realization occuring...
> turned around and actually wolf-whistled her.
> But the funny thing is, that she came back and
TOM: Kissed them all full on the mouth!
> reprimanded
> them for their behaviour!
> I hope her position on the Enterprise becomes permanent,
CROW: So someone might actually like me here.
> it's great to have someone my age to work with and
> talk to.
TOM: And be humiliated by.
> ......."Sorry Deanna, Poker's not really my type
> of game.
TOM(high): That's not what I've heard!
> Anyway, I just read their minds and know
> what cards they have." said Elrissa when invited
> to a game of poker.
CROW(high): Well, what are the cards then???
> "Well then, how about Beverly you and I go to 10
> Forward for a while?"
TOM: And hit on some cute ensigns!
> "Girls night out hey! I'd like that." answered
> Elrissa."The guys won't miss you will they?"
CROW: Well, only Riker, but he has an inflatible doll in his room...
> "No, not really, Beverly doesn't play cards and
TOM: I'm just too superior!
> the guys won't let me play cause I read their emotions
> and know if they have a good hand or if they are
> bluffing. I only deal and bank."
CROW: And wear skimpy waitress outfits.
> "Ok, let's find Beverly!".......................
DR.F: So, what was the point of that scene?
TOM: How should I know? You sent it to us, dickweed!
> .................Jean-Luc, Bill, Worf, Geordi, Data
> and Wesley were sitting around a small card table
TOM: discussing the peephole Data put in Deanna's quarters...
> in Commander Riker's quarters as Data dealed for
> the eighth round of poker.
> "Young Elrissa will be a valuable crew member, don't
> you all agree?" asked Jean-Luc.
ALL: Oh YES!
> "Elrissa seemed to know what she was doing today
> on the bridge.
CROW: Which was nothing!
> She kept calm and did offer sensible
> and sound advise." answered Riker.
TOM: While still sounding snotty and superior!
> "I still can't believe her defence training. Fights
> like a Klingon! She is so tiny, how can she be so
> strong?" asked Worf.
CROW: Steroids!
> "I've asked her to train Wesley in defence skills.
> I don't think Wesley minds that, do you Wes!"
TOM: Here, let me humiliate you a little...
> Wesley tried to look away from his superiors as
> he answered "No Captain, I don't mind at all."
CROW: But why do Betazoids fight in the nude?
> "Wesley?" said Riker
> "Yes Sir?"
> "What's the colour of Mars?" chided Bill "I think
CROW: Bill has a problem!
> Wesley's just discovered a new hobbie Captain. Should
> we tell him a few Betazoid facts or let him find
> out himself?"
TOM: Let him find out for himself, it's more fun!
> he said looking at Picard.
> "I know that she is telepathic!" said Wesley.
CROW: I know she's a girl!!!
> "Let him find out for himself, either Deanna or
> Elrissa will tel him in time." answered Picard.
TOM(high): We're just friends Wes, bye!
> Everyone except Wesley and Data laughed.
CROW: But even Data chuckled slightly.
> "Bill, what does the colour of Mars have in meaning
> to Wesley's embarrassment?" asked Data.
> "Never mind Data, we were just teasing Wesley!"
TOM: Because we're mean and cruel and want him out of the
storyline!
> Then they all went back to their game...............
CROW: The game...of life!
> THE END.
TOM: Well, we survived!
> +-----------------------------------------------------------------+
> | I hereby disclaim responsibility for any spelling errors, corny |
> | name or infringements on copyright. So there! :-) |
> +-------------------+---------------------------------------------+
DR.F: Oh bite me!
> | Oh Joy, | Matthew Proctor, Global Research Australia |
> | It's Wednesday!!! | Aka Treasurer, Doctor Who Club of Victoria |
> |-------------------+---------------------------------------------|
> | Ace...@csource.oz.au & PO Box 804 Croydon, VIC 3136, Australia |
> +-----------------------------------------------------------------+
<Dr.F grabs Crow and Tom before they get out>
DR.F: Not so fast!!!!!
TOM&CROW: Nooooooo!!!!
> ___ Blue Wave/QWK v2.12
> ---
> Joseph Young, Systems Programmer
> KSU Department of Computing and Information Sciences, Manhattan, Kansas 66506
> FAX: (913) 532-7353 Phone: (913) 532-6350 Internet: j...@cis.ksu.edu
> UUCP: rutgers!depot!jfy SigQuote: "Never argue with a computer." -- Avon
1...2...3...4...5...6...*
<Tom is chained against the wall, while Crow is spread-eagled on a platform
with a cutting laser slowly going up to cut him in half with Dr.F gloating>
DR.F: So, you dared mock me? Ha Ha Ha!
CROW: Do you expect me to talk?
DR.F: No, Mr. Robot, I expect you to die! Ha Ha HaaAaaaaugh!!!!!
<Dr.F collapses on the floor>
MIKE: And Frank, bring them down, and I...huh? I'm back!!!!
CROW: Uh, that's great, Mike, but can you GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!
MIKE: Oh, ok...uh, what do you think sirs?
<Deep 13>
FRANK: Ok, Mike, I'm ready to bring them down, and I think you are a lot
cooler than Dr. Forrester, that evil dickweed, gosh, I'm sure glad he had to
read that post...heh heh heh...
DR.F: Oh, Frank, the "dickweed" is back...
FRANK: Oh, heh heh heh, sorry boss, I'll uh, push the button...
<Phwoosh!>
FRANK: AAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!
DR.F: And this is for the shock to the shammies!
<Endit!>
Keith N.l. sl...@cc.usu.edu
"The names weren't changed because no one was innocent!"
tv's Dale sl...@cc.usu.edu
"Bon Appe-die!"
Mystery Science Theatre 3000, its characters, situations, and annoying
ensigns are copyright 1994 by Best Brains Inc. This spoof is not meant
to infringe on any copyrights held by Best Brains, Comedy Central, HBO,
Paramount Pictures, as well as their employees and schedule changes. The
information herein is not subject to being, even if mistaken. Distribute only
on subspace channels! Bite us, we're evil!
sl...@cc.usu.edu
> Where does this stuff come from? The thing you're MSTing, I mean.
Well, the thing we MSTied was from alt.startrek.creative (my first MSTing
from a.s.c actually...), as for where we got it riffs from, well, we took
some of the little blue pills...oh, and THANK YOU! Someone finally noticed
a MSTing of ours! (at the 5th one about!) :>
> --
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
> "Shu, thatsa fine." - Chico Marx
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Keith N.l. sl...@cc.usu.edu
I claim this .sig in the name of Mars!
- Marvin the Martian(?)
P.S. Ours = my roomate and I, I'm not that insane (yet) :>