MiSTing: [Ratliff's] Dear Isabella II/The Only Constant [1/3]
Jamas Enright
[Posted on behalf of Dave]
=========================================================================
Hi again, everyone!
This is Dave Hines here with my FOURTH (can you believe it?) MiSTing. In
this one, I honor my namesake (who started the whole Ratliff MiSTing craze)
by grabbing a couple of my own, "Dear Isabella II" (A Ratliff short short)
and "The Only Constant", Ratliff's newest full-length work.
Be sure to visit my site, MiSTing Heaven (199.106.87.9/~boffo/msting.html)
for my other MiSTings, as well as a fairly comprehensive MiSTing index,
and some archived works by other authors.
Other works MiSTed by me include:
"NEED CASH FAST? Play this WIN-WIN game! You CAN'T LOSE!"
- a standard Get Rich Quick Scheme
"Generations II"
- a story written by a Ratliff groupie in his Marrissa continuity
for some strange reason. Ratliff based his story "A Royal Wedding"
as a sequel to this one.
"Dear Isabella IV/Exposing the Darkness at Point Loma Nazarene College"
- Another one of Ratliff's short shorts as a forward to a rant
even Ratliff couldn't stand about a school (which happens to be
the one I'm currently attending) and one man's attempt to call it
the source of all evil using selective Scripture and gaping logical
holes.
Again, as I hinted at above, I am not the David Hines who MiSTed
"Enterprized" and "A Gul's Revenge", we just have the same name.
Comments are welcome and encouraged at:
dhi...@kruncher.ptloma.edu
A personal note: If you have sent me suggestions to update my MST3K pages
before September, 1997, and I have not yet done it, please re-Email me. I
have lost some E-mail.
==========================================================================
(This episode takes place shortly after Episode 810, "Giant Spider Invasion".
At the end of that episode, you may recall, or you may not, Mike and the
'bots were forced to watch that movie again, since Pearl Forrester missed it,
the first time during the zucchini-throwpillows' attempts to take over the
galaxy. Our heroes are just emerging from the theatre. They are breathing
heavily, like someone who has just run a marathon. Crow seems much more
energetic than Mike or Tom. Remember that Crow took a variety of food and
drink stimulants during their first viewing of "Giant Spider Invasion".)
(*...1...2...3...4...5...6...SoL Control Room)
MIKE: Hello everybody, Mike Nelson here. This is Crow T. Robot and Tom
Servo. We've just emerged from having to view the same horrible
movie for a second time, and it's just been a hard day.
TOM: Yeah, so if you out there don't mind, we're just going to put our heads
down and take a nap.
CROW: C'mon guys! What's this nap stuff? I'm still up and full of energy!
Let's do some aerobics! And one and two... (Crow begins swing his
arms about fairly wildly, hitting Mike a couple of times in the
process.)
MIKE: Ow! Oh boy. (Commercial light flashes.) We'll be right back...
[Fast forward past less than handsome women talking about psychic hotlines.
Fast forward past ads for that Highlander catalog. Fast forward past ads for
the videotape of nuclear tests.]
[As we come back, Mike and Tom are encouraging Crow to take deep breaths.
The "Mads" light begins to flash.]
TOM: Uh oh, Mike. Manny, Moe and Jack are calling!
[Mike hits the button. We see Pearl, Bobo and the Observer on the camping
planet {CP}. The Widowmaker is in the background.]
PEARL: Well, Nell Carter, you survived the same movie twice. Yet, the sense
of horror wasn't there this time.
BOBO: Well, Lawgiver, perhaps...
PEARL: (glaring at Bobo) Who is talking here? Anyway, Nelspawn, I've asked
Brain Guy here to come up with an idea as to why. Brain Guy?
OBSERVER: Perhaps it is because they have seen the movie before. So I have
searched the vastness of time and space to come up with something so
absolutely horrific that it cannot fail to make up for this.
[SoL]
MIKE: Oh, come on! We just went through the same movie twice, and you're
already giving us another one?! I'm calling my union!
TOM: Um... Mike, you don't have a union.
[CP]
OBSERVER: Movie? Why who said anything about a movie?
[SoL]
ALL: *Uh oh*....
[CP]
PEARL: Yep, you guessed it. It's Ratliff time again! Have some of "The Only
Constant" with a side dish of "Dear Isabella II"!!! Bon appetit!
[SoL]
MIKE: We've got fanfic sign!!!!!
[The normal general panic ensues amongst various human and robotic wails of
anguish. 6...5...4...3...2...1...*]
MIKE: There are some ethical guidelines to these experiments, aren't there?
TOM: There, there, Mike.
CROW: We know, honey.
>Dear Isabella,
TOM: Oh my. It's starting right up this time. No headers.
>
> Everytime someone mentions thier parents,
CROW: (as Clara) ...we laugh at the thought of adults having power.
> Marrissa gets all
>stiff
[Mike holds Crow's mouth shut.]
MIKE: I will physically kill you if you try, Crow.
> and starts acting all formal like.
TOM: Well, it's about time someone started acting in these stories!
> I can tell it hurts her, but
>holding it in like that isn't going to make it any easier.
CROW: So, instead she'll release it on her "Lord of the Flies" crew.
> She hasn't
>cried since the first day and she acts like a Vulcan, no emotion at all.
MIKE: She's the most annoying Vulcan in the Federation then.
> Marrissa is walled up behind that bright new Star Fleet uniform
>she earned.
TOM: That she earned by playing glorified video games and lasting the
longest, but earned nonetheless, I guess.
> She hides ever sorrow she suffers, but tries to deny her
>suffering.
CROW: Strawberry juice plays a large role in that.
> I remember when my Mom died.
MIKE: It was a bad season 5 episode, if that isn't redundant.
TOM: Fanboy.
> It seemed I hadn't stopped crying
>for months. I got over it.
CROW: I am completely over it. I no longer talk about it. It is the
furthest thing from my mind. You will not hear me mention it. The
subject will not pass my lips.
> I had my father to lean on and share my
>sorrow.
> Maybe that's why Marrissa isn't doing anything about her grief.
>She has no one to share her sorrow.
MIKE: She has no one who *wants* to share her sorrow.
> I know she's not seeing the
>Counselor. I know, Troi's come looking for her several times, but
>Marrissa seems to leave just befor her arrival.
TOM: That's one of the few things I'll have to agree with Marrissa on.
> I wish I could do something to help.
CROW: Euthanasia comes to mind.
MIKE: Isn't it a bit too early to get dark?
>
>Your Friend,
>Clara Sutter
>
TOM: (as grizzled old sea captain, sounding a bit like Nestor Paiva in
"Revenge of the Creature"): Ar, Batten down the hatches, men! The
main nor'easter is blowin' in!
> Star Trek
>The Next Generation
>
>The Only Constant
[At this point, the laws of time and space vary and fluctuate, producing
what would be a great and expensive special effect... if we weren't in
shadow, thus propelling one Mike Barklage into the theatre with only a few
weird sounds.]
MIKE B.: The only constant in Ratliff's writing is that it sucks!
[The same weird sounds occur again, and Mike Barklage is returned to his
proper place in the space time continuum.]
MIKE (Nelson): ..the heck?
CROW: Everyone in the multiverse agrees on that one point.
>
>A Marrissa Story
>
>by Stephen Ratliff
ALL: AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TOM: We never will be able to handle that without pain, will we?
MIKE: No, honey.
>
>
>Prologue
>
> With the capture of former Starfleet Commander Michael
>Eddington, the Cardassian Federation Demilitarized Zone had become a
>quite patrol.
CROW: Quite?
TOM: Quite.
> The Maquis had seemingly stopped there military
>activities in the zone. True the Maquis still controlled three Intrepid
>Class Starships, but the Stargazer hadn't seen any of them since they
>had rescued the Roanoke.
MIKE: I would have thought long and hard before rescuing Ratliff's hometown.
> Lieutenant Commander Marrissa Picard was commanding during Beta
>Shift. She was getting a little bored with the routine of late.
CROW: (as Marrissa) We haven't had a public flogging in days!
> She
>had enjoyed her first two months on the Stargazer. Her missions as
>Fighter Commander had been very exciting.
TOM: As exciting as traffic patrol can be, anyway.
> A beep came from the tactical station behind her. Lieutenant
>Ross Lochard who was manning the station announced,
MIKE: (as Ross) What an *excellent* decision, Marrissa! And the quality of
that beep.... marvelous!
> "We have a ship
>exiting the DMZ at 152 mark 4, distance 3 parsecs No identification is
>being broadcast."
CROW: (as Ross) And they don't have a current registration sticker on their
license!
> "Set a course to intercept them, warp 5," Marrissa ordered.
>"Notify the Captain of our change in course."
TOM: (as captain): No, we're not turning around! You should have gone before
we left!
> "Aye sir."
>
>
>
>Chapter One
MIKE: One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do...
>
> The ship was dark.
CROW: It had read too much Ratliff. Necessary side effect.
> Only a couple lights on the control panels
>were illuminating the room. Captain Chelsea Clinton grasp
ALL: Eeeewwww!!!!!!
> at the helm
>of her spaceship.
ALL: Whew!
> Minutes earlier she had been orbiting Saturn. Now
>her ship seemed to be dead in space. "Shoemate, Deigo, Venci," she
>called out.
TOM: Shoemate?!
MIKE: How much do you want to bet Ratliff didn't mean to name those
characters Diego and Vinci?
CROW: No bet.
TOM: *SHOEMATE?!* What kind of name is that?!
MIKE: Well, he's finally topped Throwaway, I think.
> "I hear you Captain," Jason Shoemate's voice called from back at
>Communications. "Venci is over here, she's out."
CROW: And Venci is out, Shoemate is the new... nah, it's not as fun when that
actually is what Ratliff means.
> "Deigo, here,"
TOM: Dayglo?
> another man's voice announced. "What happened."
MIKE: (monotone) I'm concerned.
> "You tell me Ensign," Clinton responded.
CROW: (as Deigo) No, I asked you first!
> "You're the pilot.
>Get yourself over here and find out. Shoemate, can you get us some
>power?"
TOM: What is it with Ratliff and female commanders wanting more power?
> "Give me a minute," Shoemate responded. "I think we can blame
>this on Venci, her foot seems to have knocked the Power Supply
>Controller out of it's socket."
MIKE: She tripped over the cord. Your tax dollars at work, ladies and
gentlemen!
> "I thought there was a screen over that," Deigo said.
> "Well it's gone now. Bingo."
CROW: Ensign Bingo?
MIKE: Well, you know, there was a farmer who had a dog...
ALL: (hum the mildly catchy children's song about the farmer's dog.)
> Power came up on the bridge. It
>revealed rather cramped quarters. The helm was built attached to the
>forward screen. The Captain's Chair was to the right near the back and
>Communications opposite it. A plaque was behind the Captain's chair.
TOM: The bridge needs to brush.
>It read: USS Stargazer USA-75, Exploratory Class. Commissioned 2008.
>The rest of the bridge was painted a gray silver, matching the hull coat
>outside.
MIKE: Hold it. If this is from our time, why do the characters have Navy
instead of Air Force ranks like they use in NASA? There are no
ensigns in the Air Force!
CROW: Just try not to think about it....
> "Captain, I've got bad news." Deigo announced suddenly, after
>Chelsea had time to survey her bridge.
> "What is it Ensign?" Clinton asked.
> "We aren't orbiting Saturn anymore."
TOM: (as Deigo) Our ship seems to have landed on a wicked witch...
MIKE: Was it Marrissa?
> "Shoemate, go wake up Stella," Clinton began in rapid fire.
CROW: She gets that decision making ability from her mother.
>"Brief her and see what you two can find where we are. Take Venci to
>Sickbay and wake up Doctor Chiba.
TOM: (singing) Ch-ch-ch-chiba!
> Deigo, I want a full scan. Perhaps
>if we can find a landmark we can find a way home.
MIKE: All of a sudden, it's Voyager.
>
> Captain T'Gwen Washington entered the bridge of the fighter
>carrier Stargazer.
CROW: ...having just been woken up.
> She had been working on a evaluation of the
>Stargazer, in order to assist Admiral Scott on the conversion of
>additional Constellation Class Starships to the Stargazer carrier
>variant.
TOM: If not fully satisfied with your new ship, just return the undestroyed
portion for a full refund!
> But when the call about the incursion came in, it peaked her
>interest. The Maquis had been quiet since Eddington's capture. True
>there had been some sort of elections in the DMZ, but the Intrepid Class
>Starships that they had stolen seemed to be staying away from any sign
>of conflict, and the raiders had not even been seen of late.
MIKE: (as Washington) They're having democratic *elections*?! They're
plotting something...
> "Commander Picard, status please," the half-Vulcan captain
>inquired.
CROW: (as Marrissa) Still queen of the universe, captain.
> "We've just dropped out of warp," Marrissa Picard responded. "I
>have the ship on screen." A long cylinder like ship with several
>projections was on the viewscreen. "There is nothing like it I can find
>in our database. It seems to be only sub-light capable. I have no idea
>how it got way out here."
TOM: It's an Earth ship from 2008, and it's not in their database.
MIKE: Really specific report there. *I* am sub-light capable.
TOM: Huh?
MIKE: If I can reach any speed less than the speed of light, I am sub-light
capable.
> "I think I know what it is, and I'm even more puzzled as to how
>it got here," Captain Washington responded. "Scan for markings ... if
>I'm right that's the original Stargazer."
CROW: Wouldn't the original Stargazer be Adam?
> "That doesn't look like a Starfleet vessel," Marrissa commented.
> "It's not, if I'm right ..."
> "Confirmed Captain," Lieutenant Lochard responded..
> "... That is the USS Stargazer USA-75, commissioned 2008 second
>of the Exploratory Class ships which explored the outer solar system.
>She disappeared in 2010. No sign of her was ever found."
TOM: (as Washington) Hey, wait a minute! *I* got to be right! Not Marrissa
the wonder-goddess! *Me*! Cool!
>
> Jose Deigo blinked. He was sure that hadn't been there before.
>"Captain," he called out.
MIKE: (as Deigo) There are stars out there!
> Captain Clinton came up beside him. "Yes Ensign."
CROW: (as Deigo) Then I have my answer! I'm dancing on air!
> "I just found another ship ... but I was sure nothing was that
>close and it has this strange receding sensor echo."
TOM: (as Deigo) Like Robert Picardo.
> "That's one big ship," Clinton responded. "Can you find any
>identifying markings?"
MIKE: (as Deigo): It reads "I was beaten by a bunch of kids", sir.
> "Scanning now ..." Deigo said. He expected that any markings he
>found would be in some language he'd never seen before. He didn't
>expect English, and he certainly didn't expect it to read what it did.
>"Captain, you're not going to believe this..."
CROW: (as Deigo) It's the U.S.S. Barney!
> He pointed out the
>screen.
> "NCC-2893, USS Stargazer," Clinton read. "Well that wasn't what
>I expected. Ensign, secure your station and take communications. Lets
>see if my friend Marrissa is still on board."
TOM: (as Chelsea) If so, open fire!
>
> Glinn Gusat, the Stargazer's Cardassian first officer entered
>the bridge.
MIKE: (as a valley-dude Gusat) Was there, like, some kind of alert or
something I was supposed to be up here for?
> "I heard that we have just encountered an old Earth ship."
CROW: Pretty fast grapevine on that ship.
> "Very old, Glinn," Captain Washington said. "Lieutenant
>Lavelle, what do we know on that ship."
TOM: That should be nothing, since it wasn't in the database.
> "The USS Stargazer was a Exploratory Class space ship
>commissioned in 2008," Sam Lavelle began. "She had a crew of 12. Her
>mission was to gather data on Saturn, its rings and moons. She
>disappeared on May 5, 2010. Her Commanding Officer was Captain
>Clinton."
> "Chelsea Clinton?" Marrissa interrupted.
> "Yes," Lavelle confirmed. "The daughter of the forty-second
>president of the United States."
MIKE: (as Lavelle) ...and the least annoying choice of the three
possibilities.
> "I know them both," Marrissa replied.
> "How is that possible, Commander," Gusat inquired.
CROW: (as Marrissa): Well, it started with a guy named Lyam, who was covered
with eyes and hair.
> "Lets just say I was involved in a temporal problem, and leave
>it at that," Marrissa responded.
TOM: (as Marrissa) I didn't receive a good grade in that class.
> "Captain, I'm receiving a radio hail form that ship," Lochard
>responded.
> "Lets hear it," the Captain responded.
MIKE: (singing) Video killed the radio star...
> "This is Captain Chelsea Clinton of the United States Spaceship
>Stargazer USA-75, to the USS Stargazer NCC-2893. Please respond on
>channel 7."
CROW: Do they have proper FCC licenses for that?
> "It repeats after that," Lochard said.
TOM: (as Lochard) Sort of like a "buzz clip".
> "Lieutenant Commander Picard, what does channel 7 refer to,"
>Washington asked.
MIKE: (as Marrissa) "Lois and Clark" is on.
> "Early visual broadcasts, known as television," Marrissa stated.
>"7 is one of the VHF channels, one of the better part of the broadcast
>spectrum."
> "Lavelle, can you configure our communications system to that
>frequency?" Washington inquired.
CROW: (as Lavelle) But, sir! I'll miss The Simpsons!
> "Confirmed, give me a minute," Lavelle responded. He worked at
>his console for a moment.
TOM: (as Lavelle) OK, the red wire connects the console's left audio out
to the monitor's left audio in, and the black wire... almost got it!
> "Ready."
> "On screen," Washington ordered.
>
> On board the original Stargazer, the communications screen began
>receiving the signal from it's successor. The bridge of the starship
>appeared. Captain Clinton observed a human with pointed ears sitting in
>the center seat. On her right side was an alien like nothing she'd ever
>seen.
MIKE: Bill would never expose his daughter to people who were different...
> He, she, or it had white skin with heavy scale like eye ridges
>and a spoon like depression above the nose.
CROW: But Chelsea was trained to blame all depressions on the Republicans.
> The alien's neck looked
>like an over-muscled bodybuilder's. However standing to the left of the
>center seat was a familiar face that she hadn't seen for over a dozen
>years.
TOM: Seeing it now, she wondered why God hated her.
> Marrissa hadn't aged a day. There was another alien at the
>center forward console, but all the other positions seemed to be filled
>by humans.
MIKE: After all, humans were the important people.
'BOTS: AHEM!
MIKE: Present company excluded, of course.
'BOTS: Alright then.
> "This is Captain Chelsea Clinton of the spaceship Stargazer ...
>can you tell me when and where I am and how I got here."
CROW: Sorry, Chelsea, but no one wants THAT mental image in their heads.
> "I am Captain T'Gwen Washington of the Federation starship
>Stargazer. I can't answer the last question, but you are on the edge of
>the Federation-Cardassian Demilitarized Zone and the year is 2373."
> "Should I expect a way back?" Clinton asked.
TOM: (as Washington) Not since those block grants went into effect.
> Captain Washington looked at Marrissa. Washington tilled her
>head in an inquiry,
MIKE: Well, it's a fertile field.
CROW: Still, that's gotta hurt!
> and Marrissa shook her head. "I do not foresee
>one," Washington responded.
TOM: Answer hazy, ask again later.
> "Then since I have no faster than light drive, I request a tow
>to the nearest Federation base," Clinton responded.
> "Agreed, I'll send Lieutenant Commander Picard on board as my
>liaison,"
MIKE: (as Chelsea) No, wait! We've changed our mind! We'll walk!
> Washington responded. "We should be able to tow you to Deep
>Space Nine in about an hour. Starship Stargazer out."
>
>
>
>Chapter Two
ALL: Electric Boogaloo!
>
> A column of light appeared on the bridge of the spaceship
>Stargazer. As it disappeared, a young blond girl in a Starfleet uniform
>materialized. Captain Chelsea Clinton looked up at the girl. "Welcome
>aboard, Marrissa."
CROW: Interestingly enough, Marrissa had not used the transporter.
> "Thank you, Captain," the Lieutenant Commander replied.
> "What don't remember my name, Marrissa," Chelsea Clinton stated.
>"After all that mess back before the launch of the Athena. How long has
>it been?"
TOM: (as Marrissa) You simply didn't recite enough of my titles, mortal. Try
again.
> "Three months for me," Marrissa responded. "And you?"
> "Almost a dozen years," Clinton replied. "How is my ship going
>to be towed?"
MIKE: (as Marrissa) Space donkeys.
> "We're going to bring it between the upper warp pair and the
CROW: Say!
>saucer," Marrissa explained. "We'll use the docking tractor beam units
>to secure the ship then we'll proceed at warp 5 to Deep Space Nine."
TOM: (as Marrissa): Who cares about your oxygen supply?! We have a speed
limit here!
> "I assume you are our harbor pilot," Clinton said. "I hope you
>know how to fly my ship."
> Marrissa surveyed the controls. "It's not much different from
>that shuttlecraft your father had me flying for him."
MIKE: (as Marrissa) I know everything!
> "Then Commander, take the helm," Clinton ordered. "Try not to
>bump into anything important."
> "Have you been taking to Wesley or something," Marrissa asked,
>beginning to bring the little craft around the back of the starship
>Stargazer.
> "I wish," Clinton responded. The rest of the maneuver was
>accomplished in silence.
CROW: Everyone was too shocked by the prospect of someone *wanting* to talk
to Wesley to speak.
> The spaceship moved up behind the starship and
>between and slightly to the left of starship's upper starboard warp
>engine and it's saucer section. Blue tractor beams lanced out and
>secured the space ship. Soon the view out the front window of the
>spaceship Stargazer was one that it had never seen before.
TOM: It displayed "My Computer", "Recycle Bin", and "Set Up The Microsoft
Network".
> Stars streaked by the ship, giving visible evidence of the speed
>they were going. Chelsea Clinton sighed, "It's beautiful."
> Marrissa looked up at the window. It wasn't anything special.
>Marrissa had spent most of her life on starships, first the Galaxy, then
>the Enterprise, and now the Stargazer. She couldn't remember what it
>was like the first time she had seen the stars streaking by at warp. It
>was an every day background to her life. Still it must be something
>special the first time.
MIKE: Ratliff, please tell me you're not being metaphorical here.
>
> "Message from Deep Space Nine,"
CROW: (as Ross) It reads: "AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!! *She*'s back! Go away!"
> Lieutenant Ross Lochard
>announced on the bridge of the starship Stargazer. "Imminent invasion
>of Dominion forces is indicated. Request assistance of all available
>starships."
> "Mister Dukat, increase speed to maximum," the Captain ordered.
TOM: (as Dukat) In other words, I get to give the order to break the speed
limit. Gee, thanks, Captain!
>"Notify Captain Clinton."
MIKE: (as Dukat) You're going to be cannon fodder, Chelsea.
>
> This was not the type of universe Chelsea had pictured when she
>had realized she had been thrown three hundred sixty-two years into the
>future. "You mean these shape shifters plan to invade the whole
>quadrant?"
> "It looks like that," Marrissa Picard informed the spaceship
>captain from the past.
CROW: Now that Chelsea's been read the season summaries for DS9, we can
continue.
> "What about my crew?" Clinton asked. "What about my ship?"
> "We'd like to take your crew aboard my ship for the moment,"
>Marrissa responded. "As for your ship, we're going to place it in orbit
>of Bajor Seven until this clears up."
TOM: (as Marrissa) There's a little matter of a speeding ticket...
MIKE: Isn't it time we let Time Speeder go?
TOM: I don't think so.
MIKE: Me neither. (snickers evilly)
> "I'd like to stay aboard her," Clinton stated. "My crew can
>leave however."
> "Captain, it's better for both you and your ship if you come
>aboard the Stargazer," Marrissa responded, forgetting for the moment
>that both ships shared the name. "If it appears that the ship is empty
>and nonfunctional, they will leave it alone. If someone is aboard, then
>they might decide to destroy it."
CROW: That sounds like a plan that's only 50% unless you have the author
wrapped around your finger. They might want target practice.
Something wrong might happen with the orbit. Think, Marrissa!
> "You have a point, Commander," Clinton conceded. "I'll beam
>aboard the starship."
TOM: (sarcastic) Oh, what were the odds of seeing "Clinton" and
"conceded" next to each other?
> "Thank you Captain," Marrissa responded. "Picard to Stargazer,
>beam all the crew aboard."
MIKE: (as Marrissa) Leave the officers here to die!
[Commercials. Fast forward past Time Life books. Fast forward past the
Dominion. Fast forward past yet another Sci-Fi channel "original" movie
that we should be seeing here in a few years.]
Stephen Ratliff
Jamas Enright (th...@kauri.vuw.ac.nz) wrote:
: [Posted on behalf of Dave]
:
: =========================================================================
: Hi again, everyone!
:
: This is Dave Hines here with my FOURTH (can you believe it?) MiSTing. In
: this one, I honor my namesake (who started the whole Ratliff MiSTing craze)
: by grabbing a couple of my own, "Dear Isabella II" (A Ratliff short short)
: and "The Only Constant", Ratliff's newest full-length work.
:
: Be sure to visit my site, MiSTing Heaven (199.106.87.9/~boffo/msting.html)
: for my other MiSTings, as well as a fairly comprehensive MiSTing index,
: and some archived works by other authors.
:
: Other works MiSTed by me include:
: "NEED CASH FAST? Play this WIN-WIN game! You CAN'T LOSE!"
: - a standard Get Rich Quick Scheme
: "Generations II"
: - a story written by a Ratliff groupie in his Marrissa continuity
: for some strange reason. Ratliff based his story "A Royal Wedding"
: as a sequel to this one.
: "Dear Isabella IV/Exposing the Darkness at Point Loma Nazarene College"
: - Another one of Ratliff's short shorts as a forward to a rant
: even Ratliff couldn't stand about a school (which happens to be
: the one I'm currently attending) and one man's attempt to call it
: the source of all evil using selective Scripture and gaping logical
: holes.
:
: Again, as I hinted at above, I am not the David Hines who MiSTed
: "Enterprized" and "A Gul's Revenge", we just have the same name.
Well, David, time for my comments. A most enjoyable MSTing. Some
mistakes, and some things I just had to comment on:
From Dear Isabella II:
Clara says:
> I remember when my Mom died.
MIKE: It was a bad season 5 episode, if that isn't redundant.
TOM: Fanboy.
Opps guys ... Clara's mother was dead before we ever met her. I don't
know how she died ... and frankly I have no need at the moment to make
a reason up.
From The Only Constant:
Stargazer hadn't seen any of them since they
>had rescued the Roanoke.
MIKE: I would have thought long and hard before rescuing Ratliff's
hometown.
Well, I guess you just asked for a trip to beautiful Roanoke Virginia.
See the historic farmer's market. See the Virginia Transportation
Muesem. See Center in the Square. Have a cup of coffee at Mill
Mountian Coffee House in the city market. Enjoy the views of the Blue
Ridge Mountians, the First Union Tower, Saint Andrews Catholic Church,
and the Hotel Roanoke. Don't forget to go up on the Blue Ridge Parkway
and visit the Mill Mountian Star (the second largest lit star, and a
Christmas declaration that we forgot to take down in 1949)
TOM: Shoemate?!
MIKE: How much do you want to bet Ratliff didn't mean to name those
characters Diego and Vinci?
CROW: No bet.
TOM: *SHOEMATE?!* What kind of name is that?!
MIKE: Well, he's finally topped Throwaway, I think.
I got those names from the Roanoke phonebook.
Alexander then spied Odo and his security guards approaching.
>"I suggest we take a break, before Odo forces us too," Alexander
>remarked, ducking and gesturing towards his table, with his root beer
>still sitting on it. Three bloodwines were also there. "Clara!"
> Clara ducked out from her opponents grasp, and did a flip into a
>chair. "Bar tender, a milkshake please," She cried out as Alexander
and
>Gowron sat down.
MIKE: (as Clara) I'm sure he'll fall for this!
CROW: Shouldn't a few people suddenly notice they don't have opponents
anymore?
This is a bar fight in a work of fiction. How many of those have you
seen where the instigator walks out of the fight? (I've seen at least a
dozen.
[Commercials. Fast forward past Hour of Power. Fast forward past Cool Stuff
from the Cosmos. Fast forward past MST3K. Rewind back to MST3K. Wonder why
they're showing commercials for it *while* you're watching it.]
I've been wondering about that practic for a while.
> "Now cooperate, or I'll have
>Shayna tickle that right foot of yours until you do. Resistance is
>futile."
TOM: But I don't think the Borg will be wanting to add her distinctiveness
to their own.
Lets think about that a moment ... The Borg are lacking a Queen at the
moment. Marrissa is a known tactical genuis... Somebody better guard
Marrissa.
>have a date with Jay when the Stargazer and Independence were in port
>again. She was going to miss those dates.
TOM: But we won't. Ick. Ick. Ick. Ick. Ick.
Oh? I get more possitive comments from my "date" type scenes than any
other catagory.
>what they'd named this one. She smiled. Inside the dock was the USS
>Chelsea Clinton.
MIKE: She knew that the USS Marrissa was coming out next week.
There will never be a USS Marrissa. At least in my stories. Now their
might be a USS The Picards. but then again Marrissa will be dead in any
time frame I'll write a story with that ship name.
> "Give me a minute," Shoemate responded. "I think we can blame
>this on Venci, her foot seems to have knocked the Power Supply
>Controller out of it's socket."
I keep seeing this one set of lines in every comment I've recieved. You
all must have really liked it.
Now that I'm done with that, All the King's Horses will be posted to
alt.startrek.creative in the usaul part a week manner starting on
October 13th, my 23rd birthday.
Stephen Ratliff
--
Stephen Ratliff CS Major, Radford University.
srat...@runet.edu Radford, Virginia 24142-7496
rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc's polite target. Marrissa Stories Author
http://www.cs.runet.edu/~sratliff/
FAQ Maintainer for alt.startrek.creative FAQs/
Index Maintainer as well index/
http://aviary.share.net/~alara/
"Counselor, I've run starships for almost 30 years, faced Klingons,
Cardassians, Romulans, and Borg. I hardly think one twelve year old
girl could be much more trouble."
-CPT Jean-Luc Picard, "Battle For Bajor"
before he adopted Marrissa (famous last words)
TV's Francis
Stephen Ratliff wrote:
(snip)
> >Shayna tickle that right foot of yours until you do. Resistance is
> >futile."
>
> TOM: But I don't think the Borg will be wanting to add her distinctiveness
> to their own.
>
> Lets think about that a moment ... The Borg are lacking a Queen at the
> moment. Marrissa is a known tactical genuis... Somebody better guard
> Marrissa.
collective, and as such exists on every ship. Therefore they are not
"lacking a queen."
Is that wrong? (Picard remembered the queen from the other Cube that
was destroyed in BoBW, remember?)
A,A,M&K
On 27 Sep 1997 23:50:32 GMT, srat...@runet.edu (Stephen Ratliff)
wrote:
>Jamas Enright (th...@kauri.vuw.ac.nz) wrote:
>: [Posted on behalf of Dave]
(Snip el gras)
>
>TOM: Shoemate?!
>MIKE: How much do you want to bet Ratliff didn't mean to name those
> characters Diego and Vinci?
>CROW: No bet.
>TOM: *SHOEMATE?!* What kind of name is that?!
>MIKE: Well, he's finally topped Throwaway, I think.
>
>I got those names from the Roanoke phonebook.
Boy, what kind of parents would even HAVE a kid if their name was
Throwaway?
>Now that I'm done with that, All the King's Horses will be posted to
>alt.startrek.creative in the usaul part a week manner starting on
>October 13th, my 23rd birthday.
Hear that, guys? Now that we know his birthday, we can puul a
Terminator on him!
<Krankor>
HAAAAA HAAAAA HAAAAA HAAAAA HAAAAA!
</Krankor>
>Stephen Ratliff
>--
(sig snipped for bandwidth)
Andrew "NO .SIG MAN" Perron apologizes profusely.