MiSTing: Stephen Ratliff's Revenge Challenge [6/6]
Matthew R Blackwell
[Mike, Tom, and Crow once again stand behind the control console. You
guessed it. It's still smoky.]
Tom: Okay, Mike. No more delays.
Crow: It's your turn Mike. Revenge story. *Now.*
Mike: Okay, okay. Let's try this one more time. . .
[Dissolve. It's the Minneapolis home again. Same living room, same
Bridget, same paper, same door. The doorbell rings.]
Michael: [Offscreen] Hon? Co. . .
Bridget: [Still reading the paper] I'm not answering the door.
[Ring]
Michael: [Offscreen] So, you're just going to let the doorbell ring?
Bridget: Yep.
[Ring]
Bridget: [Yelling] Will you psychos please go bother Kevin?!
<mumbling>
Hell, you could go out to LA and bother Josh and Trace.
[Finally the doorbell stops ringing]
Bridget: About time. Mike honey? We need to talk about these fans of
yours. . .
[Dissolve. Once again, the scene has shifted back to the bridge of the
SoL. Unnoticed by Mike, Crow, and Tom, a bespectacled young man
stands off to the left side of the Bridge.]
Tom: <snicker> Good work Mike.
Crow: <Snicker> Yeah, we at least got in the door.
Mike: Yeah, yeah. Look, it's pretty clear that this was a bad idea
from . . . [Mike notices the newcomer] Um, hi. Who are you?
Stephen: I'm Stephen Ratliff.
Crow: Stephen Ratliff? The evil one himsel. . .? [Mike holds Crow's
beak shut.]
Mike: So, what brings you here today, Stephen?
Stephen: Well, I received an e-mail from one of my instructors earlier
today informing me that my computer programming finals
had been moved from the auditorium to here. So,
naturally, here I am.
Tom: So, they told you that your finals had been moved to an orbiting
satellite and you believed them?
Stephen: Well, it seemed a tad inconvenient, but with all of the
construction on campus, I couldn't rule out the
possibility.
[At this point, a young woman with a fierce look in her eye rushes
onto the bridge and grabs Stephen by the collar.]
Woman: YOU!
Stephen: [Looking unplussed] Hello. Is there something that I can help
you with?
Mike: Do you suppose?
Tom: It might be. . .
Crow: It is! She's going to take care of him for us!
Woman: Look, you. I've had it with you ruining my life! Because of
you, I've been shot. I've my several ships shot out
from under me. You've had my enemies kill innocent
children in an effort to get to me. You killed my
lover, for God's sake!
[Mike and the bots look quizzically at each other.]
You put me on a prison planet, and you cost me an eye
and an arm! And believe me, I'm going to take all of
the pain and suffering that you've caused me out of your
hide!
Mike: Um, I don't remember Marrissa losing an eye.
Tom: Or an arm.
Crow: Wait, didn't Marrissa lose an arm in "Moon Dusted?"
Mike: I'm going to regret this but, Ma'am? Are you sure that you've
got the right person?
Woman: [Looks quizzically at Stephen.] You're Dave Weber, right?
[Stephen shakes his head, but he's still cheerful.] Oh. Sorry. My
mistake. Excuse me.
[She exits.]
Stephen: Good luck in eviscerating your foe!
[Mike slumps down, and put his head in his hands. The bots look
despondent.]
Crow: We were so close to being rid of him forever . . .
Stephen: Well that was certainly exciting. Say, would you like some
cookies? I brought them to share with the rest of the
class, but since they aren't here yet, I'll share them
with you.
Mike: Thanks, I guess.
[Mike and the bots munch on the cookies while Stephen stands by,
smiling happily. After a few moments, the fan-fic sign begins to
flash.]
Stephen: Say, this light on your console is flashing.
Mike: Oh. Thanks. We've got fan-fic sign. Yea.
[The trio leaves the bridge, without the usual hoopla. Stephen waves
to them as they leave.]
[6. . . 5. . . 4. . . 3 . . . 2. . . 1. . .]
[The trio enters.]
Tom: We were so close. . .
Mike: There, there. He'll stop writing eventually.
>Article: 71949
>Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative
>From: srat...@runet.edu (Stephen Ratliff)
Crow: But that's still far in the future. <Sigh.>
Tom: Still, his cookies were good.
Mike: Yeah.
>Subject: NEW Marrissa's Revenge 1/1 (TNG/RL)
>Date: 19 Nov 1997 03:43:20 GMT
>Title: Marrissa's Revenge or What Comes Around.
>Author: Stephen Ratliff (srat...@runet.edu)
>Marrissa's Revenge
Crow: [hums "Dragnet" theme] I was programming late last Tuesday when
a report came in. Fanfic writers being punished. My
name's Stephen Ratliff. Fanfic Cop.
> I had just come back from the lab when I found her in my room.
Crow: I was a student at a small Eastern college. . .
>I know I started this Revenge Fic craze, but that was because I didn't
>think I would be a victim.
Tom: Hey, did you know that the word "revenge" occurs 47 times in
these stories?
Mike: You've been counting?
Tom: Hey, beats reading.
> After all, my characters usually get what they want.
Mike: "Usually?"
Crow: Well, yeah, Marrissa hasn't *officially* been crowned Queen of
Everything yet.
Tom: o/~ So, tell me what you want, what you really, really
want....o/~
>It wasn't like I had done anything like those Q writers who
>I had spent the last two days getting out of trouble.
Crow: Trouble with a Capital 'T' and rhymes with 'C' and that stands
for Chumbawamba!
Tom: Mike, hit him.
Mike: No more Chumbawamba jokes. Either of you.
> That hadn't been easy. I mean Q isn't someone you toy with. I
>had find Q's parole officer first. If I'm going to argue with an
>all-powerful being, I want to have some back up. I was lucky that Q was
>tired of watching over Q.
Tom: I want to see him join the "A-Team," so we can have a "Q&A
Session."
Crow: No, let's see him go to a urologist, so he can mind his--
Mike: Stop it!
>He gave me the job of parole officer for Q.
>True it is another job to my already overloaded day, but it does have
>some nice benefits.
Crow: Bob Flannigan made fun of me in second grade, so I had Q turn
him into an Amway rep.
> I got Q to let JJArrow out of High School.
Mike: Q and I are the best of friends, you know?
> Alara no longer has
>to revise all of her stories to reflect Q's views, but I couldn't
>convince Q to let her out of the tower yet. I do want to see Chapter
>Four of Only Human. He's letting Julia stop writing, and Mercutio
>doesn't have to run any more.
> Then there is Greywolf. Who knew Kirk and Spock would duct tape
>the poor wolf up and leave him. I got some adhesive remover and got off
>the remainder of that duct tape.
Tom: I love the irony! Ratliff is probably the only person who
remembers how it's really spelled!
>Unfortunately the remover smelled bad, so I had to dunk the wolf in some
>perfume. If you smell Strawberries,
Mike: ...be afraid, because Strawberry Shortcake is back, and she's
not going to take it any more! This fall, you can have your
cake, but you'll eat lead, in Strawberry Shortcake's
"Baker's Death-zen!"
>you know Greywolf is near.
> Robin Lawrie will be glad ASC has that insurance policy.
>Chakotay taking out her modem was covered. Now that was a 56K fax
>modem with speaker phone, right?
Crow: Ooh, and she had that T-1 line in there too!
Mike: Don't encourage any more insurance fraud, Crow.
> "Excuse me," the young girl said. "As much as I enjoy hearing
>how you righted wrongs and triumphed over evil,
Tom: Um, was Ratliff speaking out loud?
Mike: Not that I can tell.
Crow: OH MY GOD! SHE'S TELEPATHIC NOW! RUN!
> this isn't Sailor Moon,
Mike: Yes, he's already done that story.
[The three shiver.]
>and I have some things I'd like to talk to you about."
Crow: After all, now is the perfect time for you to start an IRA,
Stephen. Why with just a small investment now, your
retirement will be financially secure...
> "What is your complaint, Marrissa," I asked. "It's not like
>I've done anything really bad to you. I mean just look at the Q
>writers."
Crow: [Ratliff] I did see fit to tell everyone about your first
period, but sending you to the gynecologist is over the
line.
> "I can't read most of those, I'm only 12," Marrissa responded.
Mike: And Ratliff takes a swipe at his fellow authors.
Crow: She's time traveling at age 12?
Tom: So , Marrissa breaks all the rules of Starfleet advancement, not
to mention the laws of physics when it suits her. . .but one
"For Mature Readers" warning and she goes weak at the knees?
Mike: Well, the 24th Century version of Net.Nanny is really vicious.
>"As for what you did to me, I think I can give you quite a list, now
>where is the computer?" Marrissa looked around the dorm room, but she
>wasn't going to find any.
Crow: Marrissa failed at something! YES!!
Tom: It's supposed to be a revenge fic, but it's really payback on
Marrissa! I love you, Stephen!
> "I don't have one here," I replied, straightening up the quilt
>my grandmother Ratliff had made, so we had a place to sit.
Crow: I know that CS majors lead a sparse life, but Ratliff: BUY SOME
CHAIRS!
> "You're a Computer Science Major, and you don't have a
>computer?" Marrissa replied with an air of disbelief.
Mike: No, he doesn't. . .and YOU DIDN'T KNOW IT, MARRISSA! NYAH!
> "I keep it at home," I responded. "The Sparc 5s in the lab are
>better than anything I can get anyway."
> "Never mind. I want to know why you killed my parents off."
Mike: Oh my god! You killed Marrissa's parents! You bastard!
Tom: Why is it always "killed off?" Is the "off" added to soften the
blow of something we don't want to contemplate?
Crow: I'd guess so. . .since we also talk about being "married off."
> "It seemed like a good idea at the time."
> "It seemed like a good idea at the time, It seemed like a good
>idea, do you have any idea how that sounds? Killing a little girl's
>parents off because IT SEEMED LIKE A GOOD IDEA AT THE TIME!"
Tom: Oh, come on. It cleared your path to power.
Mike: Chill out, Marrissa. You can't be truly badass unless a close
family member dies. It's just one of the rules. Look at
Batman.
Crow: Besides, they never had first names or anything in the original
version. Did you really want to be raised by someone with no
depth of characterization?
> "Alright, alright, calm down. I just needed a member of the
>kid's crew other than Alexander to be related to a command crew member."
> "That I understand, but Captain Picard? A cold fish makes a
>better father."
Mike: Let's hear it for honest self-examination!
[All cheer.]
> "So he's not perfect. My choices were not that good. Data has
>no emotions.
Tom: And look at how Spot turned out! Pregnant when she was only five
years old! And no one knows who the father was!
Crow: Not to mention that "she" used to be a "he."
>Doctor Crusher and Worf were taken.
Mike: And look how *their* kids turned out.
Crow: [Alexander] Daddy, I reject you and your values!
Tom: Except when I mysteriously reappear and try to follow your
example but do a really bad job of it.
> Troi, well I just couldn't see it.
Tom: Troi would be a great mom! It'd be like having a sleepover every
night! They could eat chocolate, and braid each others' hair,
and tell secrets, and gossip about the boys. . .
Mike: Tom, someday you need to meet a *real* woman and not just Gypsy
and Pearl.
>As for Riker . . . well with his rep, I didn't think him adopting a girl would be
>a good idea."
Mike: Ugh, yes. Look at how tiresome those Woody Allen jokes became.
> "I see what you mean," Marrissa said, pulling a chair over and
>sitting down in it. "But why did you have to draw out my grief over 3
>stories."
> "Over compensation," I replied, relaxing as the storm seemed to
>be over for the moment. "You see I have these critics
Crow: . . .scattered all across the world in a great conspiracy to rid
the world of Marrissa once and for all?
> over on the group
>rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc
Mike: Who?
Tom: Probably some obscure cable show.
Crow: "Mysterio's Three's Company?"
Mike: "My Summer Training Three Kiwis?"
Tom: "Man, Steve's Truly Three Kinds?"
> who have been complaining that you didn't grieve
>enough,
Mike: . . . and I then realized that somehow my report on the Menendez
brothers had gotten pasted into my stories about you.
>so when I revised "Enterprized" and "Battle For Bajor", I added
>some scenes
Tom: Unfortunately, the scenes added were the controversial "Marrissa
on Broadway" segments.
Mike: I did of like that scene where Marrissa and the bridge crew's
fired their phasers to the tune of "Some Enchanted Evening"
though.
> and then the idea for "All the King's Horses" came up. I
>wasn't going to go back and do the other two, and "All the King's
>Horses" fit better after them anyway."
Mike: Can't say as I'm looking forward to that one, if it's just
Marrissa weeping page after page.
> "Well I guess that explains it," Marrissa commented. "I'll be
>going now.
Tom: That's it? That's her list? Three items, all of which are
connected?
Mike: Well, apart from the dead parents thing, no other writer has
been so good to his characters as Ratliff.
>Oh, and by any chance do you know the way to Duke
>University?
Tom: o/~ Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa whoa, whoa, whoa. o/~
> There is this guy named Adam Cadre that I've got to talk to
>about making me eat my own daughter."
Tom: [Marlin Perkins] So we see that, much like a hamster, the wild
Marrissa has been known to eat her young in times of stress.
You know, other insurance companies have been known to
devour their clients, but not Mutual of Omaha. . .
> "Here's a map, and let me know how it goes," I replied. "Any
>other stops?"
> "Well there is Anne-Lise Pauch," Marrissa said. "I think she's
>somewhere in Great Britain."
Crow: She's secretly royalty, so she feels a kinship to Marrissa.
> "What did she do?"
> "Nothing, I want to thank her.
Tom: Although I understand Patterson Supra wants to have a few words
with her about this gender confusion thing.
>And then there is Mike Barkledge, I'm thinking of having Jackie get rid of all
>his Credits.
Mike: Credits as in stories he wrote, or as in all his academic
credits so he'll have to be a freshman again?
Crow: Well, at least Mike Barklage should be safe. I feel sorry for
this "Barkledge" guy, though.
Tom: Oh, he'll probably just join the Marquis.
>I would go after Tim McLees, but Clara likes his drawing so I'll stay away
>from him for now."
Mike: Well, I'm going to miss Adam and Mike, but at least she doesn't
seem to know about Roger Wilcox, Charles Rando, Jarek
Myszewski, Loren Haarsma, Merritt Stone, Jamie Plummer, Bill
Livingston, Suzanne Schroeder, Petra Mitchell, Chris
Mayfield, or either version of David Hines.
> "Well thanks for stopping by," I remarked as she got up to
>leave. "Next time stop by when I'm in Roanoke. There are some
>neighbors I'd like you to meet."
Crow: [Ratliff] They keep dumping their leaves on my lawn. I was
hoping you could give them the Naklab Treatment.
> "I'll stop by during Thanksgiving. I should be finished with
>Adam and Mike by then."
> With that, Marrissa tapped her communicator, and with the order,
>"One to beam up," disappeared in a whirl of light. All she left behind
>was a list.
Mike: It's the Enemies of Marrissa list!
Tom: Sir, you are forgetting your pajamas!
> Things to to to
Crow: To to to to, to ta ta ta, that's all I want to say to you.
> the Author of Dark Marrissa. Poor Adam.
Tom: Miss him, miss him.
>--
>Stephen Ratliff CS Major, Radford University.
>srat...@runet.edu Radford, Virginia 24142-7496
>rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc's polite target. Marrissa Stories Author
>http://www.cs.runet.edu/~sratliff/
>http://www.cs.runet.edu/~sratliff/FAQs/ FAQ Maintainer and
>http://www.cs.runet.edu/~sratliff/index/ Index Maintainer for
>http://aviary.share.net/~alara/ alt.startrek.creative
>"Just as I was about to tell him, my science project struck."
>"Your science project ran amuck on the Enterprise?"
> -Rene and Marrissa Picard discussing the episode
> "Diaster" in "All the King's Horses
Crow: Someone really needs to start cracking down on the McQuarrie
limit.
Tom: Finally, it's over.
[Mike picks Tom up and the trio leaves the theater.]
[1 . . . 2 . . . 3 . . . 4 . . . 5 . . . 6 . . . ]
[The bridge of the SoL's lights are off. Tom and Crow stand center
stage, illuminated by a single spotlight. Both bots are dressed in
formal attire. A slight fog surrounds both bots.]
Tom: We hoped you've enjoyed our little presentation tonight.
Crow: Yes, once again we've been inflicted with some of the worst
writing that humanity has ever presented. All for your
entertainment.
Tom: But as tonight's stories showed, sometimes we fictional
characters can gain a measure of revenge upon their
tormentors.
Crow: And believe me, we've got cause for revenge. No, you weren't
satisfied with us watching "Monster-a-Go-Go", "Mitchell",
"Cave Dwellers", "Space Mutiny", "Riding With Death", "Red
Zone Cuba", or even <Shudder> "Manos:Hands of Fate."
You've forced us to read such gems as "The Eye of Argon."
Tom: "The Rangers of Nimh."
Crow: "A Short Walk."
Tom: Numerous Mary Sue stories.
Crow: John Winston posts.
Tom: E-Mail spams.
Crow: Pyramid schemes.
Tom: And the utter evil of Stephen Brian Ratliff.
[Both bots shudder]
Crow: But tonight, we too get some revenge. And for that, let's go to
Mike Nelson...
<The Widowmaker>
<The strange little man is dancing in the background.
Mike and Pearl are in the front seats.>
Pearl: Hi people! Well, what can I say? Nelsting and his robot pals
convinced me to help them, but just this once. [shrugs]
What can I say? I'm just an old softie. Are you ready?
Mike: [grinning evilly] Oh yeah. It's nice to be on the inflicting
end of this for once.
Pearl: Well, push the button Mike.
[Mike's grin grows larger, and he pushes a button on the dashboard.
Instead of the usual *pwoosh*, words begin to appear on the screen.]
"Artemis's Lover":
The day was unusually cool for being summer, Oscar was walking slowly
on a lone sidewalk having the same thought every minute "Artemis. . ."
he said to himself quietly, he could only think of Artemis's picture,
and almost hear his voice "Why can't i take him out of my mind?!" he
thought as he shutted his fist, he then realized he was in love (Yes
you heard right! LOVE) with him. Oscar had a BIG thing for cats
already......
[The text fades and the scene returns to the bridge of the SoL. The
fog has disappeared entirely. Mike is asleep with his head resting on
his arms on top of the console. Tom and Crow stand to either side of
him.]
Crow: Aw. Look. He's got a big smile on his face.
Tom: He must be dreaming about chasing rabbits.
Crow: Gee, after the jet engine, I thought that he'd never be able to
get to sleep.
Tom: But there little Mikie is, snoozing away. Isn't he cute?
Crow: Think we should wake him and tell him that Pearl decided not to
show us any movies today?
Tom: Nah. Let him sleep.
Crow: So, 24 straight hours of torture for us tomorrow then?
Tom: Yep. At least Pearl sent us a list of what she'll be showing us.
[Tom begins to examine a sheet of paper lying on the console. Crow
wanders over to take a look at it too.]
Tom: Hmm. Eight hours of Ernest films?
Crow: It's probably something to do with Hemmingway. Batman and Robin?
Tom: Pearl's Clooney fixation. See, she's got "The Peacemaker"
scheduled just after that one.
Crow: Well, go George Clooney, go.. What's this? "The Tommy and
Pamela Show?"
Tom: Aw, it's probably some cable access thing. Oh well. Looks pretty
tame.
Crow: Yep. [beat] So, should we go get the pan of water for Mike's
hand now?
Tom: Sure. He's slept enough.
[They leave, leaving Mike alone on the bridge. The camera pulls for a
closeup of Mike's face. He's still asleep, but he chuckles sleepily. ]
Mike: [groggily] Hah. Cats.
[The camera pulls back and after a moment, the picture dissolves with
the usual. . . ]
\ | /
\ | /
--- * --- PWOOOOSH!
/ | \
/ | \
"Stephen Ratliff's Revenge Challenge" was written by
Doug Atkinson. (do...@earlham.edu )
Andrew Perron (aam...@snip.net )
Matthew Blackwell (Editor) (mbla...@ix.netcom.com)
Original Segments written by:
Stephen Brian Ratliff : Original concept, "A Little Challedge",
<srat...@runet.edu> " Marrissa's Revenge"
Alyssa Powell: "The Day The High School Blinked or
<Cmdr...@aol.com> Bev's Day Out."
Greywolf the Wanderer: "Revenge"
<grey...@snowcrest.net>
Don Buchan: "A Day in the Life of the Wuss Part 6"
<Malak&pobox.com> (&=@)
Geordi Padovan "Revenge Backfired"
<geo...@gti.net>
Mercutio: "Letters from a Q Writer in Exile"
<merc...@europa.com>
"Star Trek", "Star Trek The Next Generation", "Deep Space Nine", "Star
Trek: Voyager" and all related characters and situations are
trademarks of and (c) 1998 Desilu/Paramount/Viacom. All rights are
reserved.
Sailor Moon is the property of Naoko Takeuchi and all the
distributors of her work.
"Mystery Science Theater 3000" and its related characters and
situations are trademarks of and copyrighted [c] 1998 by Best Brains,
Inc. All rights reserved.
Oscar wrote "Artemis' Lover." Be afraid. Be very afraid. His webpage
is currently dead, but he might start writing again....
"Tubthumping" is [P] [c] 1997 by Chumbawamba. The CD is distributed
in the USA by Universal Records, Inc.
Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for non-commercial
parody, review, and commentary purposes only; no infringement on the
original copyrights or trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc.,
Paramount, Inc., or anyone else, is intended or should be inferred.
Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment
purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or
trademarks held by others is intended or should be inferred.
Michael J. Nelson and Bridget Jones are copyright of no one and no
comment on their personal lives or their attitudes towards the fans
should be inferred from this story.
No personal insults to author(s), character(s), or situation(s) are or
should be implied. All characters in this work are fictional except
for those who aren't , and any resemblance to actual people, living
or dead, is purely coincidental.
Bill Livingston is responsible for the "C for Chumbawumba" line. Death
threats may be sent to bi...@traveller.com.
When in Amarillo, visit the fabulous Wonderland Amusement Park! And be
sure to visit the Cadillac Ranch too! And don't forget a visit to the
Helium monument!
Keep circulating the posts.
> No story can save
> you -- nothing can save you -- you're doomed! Dooomed!
> DOOOOOMED!
Stephen Ratliff
Usually all my responses are made to the first post ... but this time my
work comes last, (as does my appearance) ....
Matthew R Blackwell (mbla...@ix.netcom.com) wrote:
[Cut Mike's Revenge]
: [Dissolve. Once again, the scene has shifted back to the bridge of the
: SoL. Unnoticed by Mike, Crow, and Tom, a bespectacled young man
: stands off to the left side of the Bridge.]
:
: Tom: <snicker> Good work Mike.
: Crow: <Snicker> Yeah, we at least got in the door.
: Mike: Yeah, yeah. Look, it's pretty clear that this was a bad idea
: from . . . [Mike notices the newcomer] Um, hi. Who are you?
: Stephen: I'm Stephen Ratliff.
: Crow: Stephen Ratliff? The evil one himsel. . .? [Mike holds Crow's
: beak shut.]
: Mike: So, what brings you here today, Stephen?
: Stephen: Well, I received an e-mail from one of my instructors earlier
: today informing me that my computer programming finals
: had been moved from the auditorium to here. So,
: naturally, here I am.
: Tom: So, they told you that your finals had been moved to an orbiting
: satellite and you believed them?
: Stephen: Well, it seemed a tad inconvenient, but with all of the
: construction on campus, I couldn't rule out the
: possibility.
hmmm, there is a lot of construction on campus, but I'm a senior in
CS... I don't have a class that is large enough to claim an auditorium.
(Class sizes this semester: 28, 10, 12, 5)
: [At this point, a young woman with a fierce look in her eye rushes
The cookies are chocolate chip ... and I've never brought a batch
anywhere and brought any home. (and you thought you were making my
cooking ability up)
: Stephen: Say, this light on your console is flashing.
: Mike: Oh. Thanks. We've got fan-fic sign. Yea.
: [The trio leaves the bridge, without the usual hoopla. Stephen waves
: to them as they leave.]
:
: [6. . . 5. . . 4. . . 3 . . . 2. . . 1. . .]
:
: [The trio enters.]
: Tom: We were so close. . .
: Mike: There, there. He'll stop writing eventually.
Hmmm, I think I'm suppose to make an evil laugh here and shout, "Never,
Never, I'll never stop writing" but I think I'll just say No.
:
: >Article: 71949
: >Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative
: >From: srat...@runet.edu (Stephen Ratliff)
:
: Crow: But that's still far in the future. <Sigh.>
: Tom: Still, his cookies were good.
: Mike: Yeah.
:
: >Subject: NEW Marrissa's Revenge 1/1 (TNG/RL)
: >Date: 19 Nov 1997 03:43:20 GMT
:
:
: >Title: Marrissa's Revenge or What Comes Around.
: >Author: Stephen Ratliff (srat...@runet.edu)
:
: >Marrissa's Revenge
:
: Crow: [hums "Dragnet" theme] I was programming late last Tuesday when
: a report came in. Fanfic writers being punished. My
: name's Stephen Ratliff. Fanfic Cop.
:
I like it!
: > I had just come back from the lab when I found her in my room.
:
: Crow: I was a student at a small Eastern college. . .
:
: >I know I started this Revenge Fic craze, but that was because I didn't
: >think I would be a victim.
:
: Tom: Hey, did you know that the word "revenge" occurs 47 times in
: these stories?
: Mike: You've been counting?
: Tom: Hey, beats reading.
Once again the number 47 appears in Star Trek. Is it a conspircy?
Tonight on 48 hours.
:
: > After all, my characters usually get what they want.
:
: Mike: "Usually?"
: Crow: Well, yeah, Marrissa hasn't *officially* been crowned Queen of
: Everything yet.
: Tom: o/~ So, tell me what you want, what you really, really
: want....o/~
:
Well, do you really want to have your parents killed (2) or perhaps
you'd like to spend hours talking to diplomats in a tight scratchy
collar.
: >It wasn't like I had done anything like those Q writers who
My Dad is the families all purpose handyman. He's tried to get it to
rub off on me. For some reason I don't think I'll be making bedroom
furniture any time soon, but I did have to help install the heat pump
and accompaning system of ducts. So I'm very familar with duct tape.
:
: >Unfortunately the remover smelled bad, so I had to dunk the wolf in some
: >perfume. If you smell Strawberries,
:
: Mike: ...be afraid, because Strawberry Shortcake is back, and she's
: not going to take it any more! This fall, you can have your
: cake, but you'll eat lead, in Strawberry Shortcake's
: "Baker's Death-zen!"
That fell flat.
:
: >you know Greywolf is near.
: > Robin Lawrie will be glad ASC has that insurance policy.
: >Chakotay taking out her modem was covered. Now that was a 56K fax
: >modem with speaker phone, right?
:
: Crow: Ooh, and she had that T-1 line in there too!
: Mike: Don't encourage any more insurance fraud, Crow.
To her credit, Robin stated it was a 28.8.
:
: > "Excuse me," the young girl said. "As much as I enjoy hearing
: >how you righted wrongs and triumphed over evil,
:
: Tom: Um, was Ratliff speaking out loud?
: Mike: Not that I can tell.
: Crow: OH MY GOD! SHE'S TELEPATHIC NOW! RUN!
hmmm, sorry I forgot.
:
: > this isn't Sailor Moon,
:
: Mike: Yes, he's already done that story.
: [The three shiver.]
:
: >and I have some things I'd like to talk to you about."
:
: Crow: After all, now is the perfect time for you to start an IRA,
: Stephen. Why with just a small investment now, your
: retirement will be financially secure...
:
: > "What is your complaint, Marrissa," I asked. "It's not like
: >I've done anything really bad to you. I mean just look at the Q
: >writers."
:
: Crow: [Ratliff] I did see fit to tell everyone about your first
: period, but sending you to the gynecologist is over the
: line.
I'm going to have to speed up that revision.
:
: > "I can't read most of those, I'm only 12," Marrissa responded.
:
: Mike: And Ratliff takes a swipe at his fellow authors.
: Crow: She's time traveling at age 12?
: Tom: So , Marrissa breaks all the rules of Starfleet advancement, not
: to mention the laws of physics when it suits her. . .but one
: "For Mature Readers" warning and she goes weak at the knees?
: Mike: Well, the 24th Century version of Net.Nanny is really vicious.
:
Hmm, lets see. I was careful to follow those minumin time in rank rules
(very closely) As for the 24th Century net.nanny. Well Captain Picard
has the whole computer department of the Enterprise at his command. If
he wants to make sure Marrissa can't read "His Beloved Pet" by Ruth
Gifford, then she's not going to read it.
:
: >"As for what you did to me, I think I can give you quite a list, now
: >where is the computer?" Marrissa looked around the dorm room, but she
: >wasn't going to find any.
:
: Crow: Marrissa failed at something! YES!!
: Tom: It's supposed to be a revenge fic, but it's really payback on
: Marrissa! I love you, Stephen!
Don't be so fast.
:
: > "I don't have one here," I replied, straightening up the quilt
: >my grandmother Ratliff had made, so we had a place to sit.
:
: Crow: I know that CS majors lead a sparse life, but Ratliff: BUY SOME
: CHAIRS!
University furniture. Two beds, two desks, no chairs, a dresser. If
you'd like to explain the lack of chairs, I'm waiting, I've been
waiting. (I'm suppose to have two, but they've been missing since I
moved in ... they assure me I'll get some soon.)
:
: > "You're a Computer Science Major, and you don't have a
: >computer?" Marrissa replied with an air of disbelief.
:
: Mike: No, he doesn't. . .and YOU DIDN'T KNOW IT, MARRISSA! NYAH!
:
: > "I keep it at home," I responded. "The Sparc 5s in the lab are
: >better than anything I can get anyway."
: > "Never mind. I want to know why you killed my parents off."
:
: Mike: Oh my god! You killed Marrissa's parents! You bastard!
: Tom: Why is it always "killed off?" Is the "off" added to soften the
: blow of something we don't want to contemplate?
: Crow: I'd guess so. . .since we also talk about being "married off."
:
: > "It seemed like a good idea at the time."
: > "It seemed like a good idea at the time, It seemed like a good
: >idea, do you have any idea how that sounds? Killing a little girl's
: >parents off because IT SEEMED LIKE A GOOD IDEA AT THE TIME!"
:
: Tom: Oh, come on. It cleared your path to power.
: Mike: Chill out, Marrissa. You can't be truly badass unless a close
: family member dies. It's just one of the rules. Look at
: Batman.
: Crow: Besides, they never had first names or anything in the original
: version. Did you really want to be raised by someone with no
: depth of characterization?
They didn't have a line in the original version in fact. I didn't see a
need for their scene until after Away From Home.
:
: > "Alright, alright, calm down. I just needed a member of the
: >kid's crew other than Alexander to be related to a command crew member."
: > "That I understand, but Captain Picard? A cold fish makes a
: >better father."
:
: Mike: Let's hear it for honest self-examination!
: [All cheer.]
:
: > "So he's not perfect. My choices were not that good. Data has
: >no emotions.
:
: Tom: And look at how Spot turned out! Pregnant when she was only five
: years old! And no one knows who the father was!
: Crow: Not to mention that "she" used to be a "he."
I'd really like to know how that happened. The leading newsgroup
explainion is that he used Q as a scratching post when he visited.
:
: >Doctor Crusher and Worf were taken.
:
: Mike: And look how *their* kids turned out.
: Crow: [Alexander] Daddy, I reject you and your values!
: Tom: Except when I mysteriously reappear and try to follow your
: example but do a really bad job of it.
:
: > Troi, well I just couldn't see it.
:
: Tom: Troi would be a great mom! It'd be like having a sleepover every
: night! They could eat chocolate, and braid each others' hair,
: and tell secrets, and gossip about the boys. . .
: Mike: Tom, someday you need to meet a *real* woman and not just Gypsy
: and Pearl.
I find that while Troi is like a mother to the Enterprise's crew, it is
that very trait that makes it hard for me to see her as a mother as long
as she's counselor. She's effectively got 1024 children right now that
have a high priority in her life.
:
: >As for Riker ... well with his rep, I
: >didn't think him adopting a girl would be a good idea."
:
: Mike: Ugh, yes. Look at how tiresome those Woody Allen jokes became.
:
: > "I see what you mean," Marrissa said, pulling a chair over and
: >sitting down in it. "But why did you have to draw out my grief over 3
: >stories."
: > "Over compensation," I replied, relaxing as the storm seemed to
: >be over for the moment. "You see I have these critics
:
: Crow: . . .scattered all across the world in a great conspiracy to rid
: the world of Marrissa once and for all?
Not really. I find that people tend to critise the author or like the
character. Very rarely do I find a critic who critises the character
but I do find people who dislike me.
:
: > over on the group
: >rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc
:
: Mike: Who?
: Tom: Probably some obscure cable show.
: Crow: "Mysterio's Three's Company?"
: Mike: "My Summer Training Three Kiwis?"
: Tom: "Man, Steve's Truly Three Kinds?"
I've got to define that term sometime just to see how those three
respond.
:
:
: > who have been complaining that you didn't grieve
: >enough,
:
: Mike: . . . and I then realized that somehow my report on the Menendez
: brothers had gotten pasted into my stories about you.
:
: >so when I revised "Enterprized" and "Battle For Bajor", I added
: >some scenes
:
: Tom: Unfortunately, the scenes added were the controversial "Marrissa
: on Broadway" segments.
: Mike: I did of like that scene where Marrissa and the bridge crew's
: fired their phasers to the tune of "Some Enchanted Evening"
: though.
That's it... next time I add in one of my interests it's going to be
computer science. You can't make jokes about that :)
:
: > and then the idea for "All the King's Horses" came up. I
: >wasn't going to go back and do the other two, and "All the King's
: >Horses" fit better after them anyway."
:
: Mike: Can't say as I'm looking forward to that one, if it's just
: Marrissa weeping page after page.
:
Sorry to disappoint you.
: > "Well I guess that explains it," Marrissa commented. "I'll be
: >going now.
:
: Tom: That's it? That's her list? Three items, all of which are
: connected?
: Mike: Well, apart from the dead parents thing, no other writer has
: been so good to his characters as Ratliff.
:
: >Oh, and by any chance do you know the way to Duke
: >University?
:
: Tom: o/~ Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa whoa, whoa, whoa. o/~
:
: > There is this guy named Adam Cadre that I've got to talk to
: >about making me eat my own daughter."
:
: Tom: [Marlin Perkins] So we see that, much like a hamster, the wild
: Marrissa has been known to eat her young in times of stress.
: You know, other insurance companies have been known to
: devour their clients, but not Mutual of Omaha. . .
:
: > "Here's a map, and let me know how it goes," I replied. "Any
: >other stops?"
: > "Well there is Anne-Lise Pauch," Marrissa said. "I think she's
: >somewhere in Great Britain."
:
: Crow: She's secretly royalty, so she feels a kinship to Marrissa.
:
: > "What did she do?"
: > "Nothing, I want to thank her.
:
: Tom: Although I understand Patterson Supra wants to have a few words
: with her about this gender confusion thing.
You know, I'm still wondering how that happened.
:
: >And then there is Mike Barkledge,
: >I'm thinking of having Jackie get rid of all
: >his Credits.
:
: Mike: Credits as in stories he wrote, or as in all his academic
: credits so he'll have to be a freshman again?
Academic
: Crow: Well, at least Mike Barklage should be safe. I feel sorry for
: this "Barkledge" guy, though.
Sorry Mike Barklage, I misspelled your name, but look on the bright side.
If Marrissa can't spell your name, she can't get revenge. (Of course
she probably read this thread ...)
: Tom: Oh, he'll probably just join the Marquis.
:
: >I would go after Tim McLees, but Clara likes his drawing so I'll stay away
: >from him for now."
:
: Mike: Well, I'm going to miss Adam and Mike, but at least she doesn't
: seem to know about Roger Wilcox, Charles Rando, Jarek
: Myszewski, Loren Haarsma, Merritt Stone, Jamie Plummer, Bill
: Livingston, Suzanne Schroeder, Petra Mitchell, Chris
: Mayfield, or either version of David Hines.
Hmmm, looks like it's time for Marrissa's Revenge II: MSTers on Ice.
:
: > "Well thanks for stopping by," I remarked as she got up to
: >leave. "Next time stop by when I'm in Roanoke. There are some
: >neighbors I'd like you to meet."
:
: Crow: [Ratliff] They keep dumping their leaves on my lawn. I was
: hoping you could give them the Naklab Treatment.
Leaf raking is my little brother's job ... I'd encourage that.
:
: > "I'll stop by during Thanksgiving. I should be finished with
: >Adam and Mike by then."
: > With that, Marrissa tapped her communicator, and with the order,
: >"One to beam up," disappeared in a whirl of light. All she left behind
: >was a list.
:
: Mike: It's the Enemies of Marrissa list!
: Tom: Sir, you are forgetting your pajamas!
:
: > Things to to to
:
: Crow: To to to to, to ta ta ta, that's all I want to say to you.
:
: > the Author of Dark Marrissa. Poor Adam.
:
: Tom: Miss him, miss him.
Where has [he] been? I've looked for him forever and a day (3 point
ref)
:
[Cut my .sig]
:
: [The bridge of the SoL's lights are off. Tom and Crow stand center
You know, I think that should be the motto of Mystery Usenet Theatater
3000.
Well, I enjoyed it. How about the rest of you?
Stephen Ratliff, who reminds you that fan-fic writers are only paid via
thier feedback... same think with MSTers. So support you fellow
writers, tell them how much you enjoyed their work. You'll be rewarded
when you get to heaven.
--
Stephen Ratliff CS Major, Radford University.
srat...@runet.edu Radford, Virginia 24142-7496
rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc's polite target. Marrissa Stories Author
http://www.cs.runet.edu/~sratliff/
http://www.cs.runet.edu/~sratliff/FAQs/ FAQ Maintainer and
http://www.cs.runet.edu/~sratliff/index/ Index Maintainer for
http://aviary.share.net/~alara/ alt.startrek.creative
"The only reason they haven't killed me is that I'm part of their
victory celebration. 7:00, Dukat makes a speech, 8:30, cake and
raktagino, 8:45, execute the Ferengi."
-Rom, DS9 "Sacrifice of Angels"
Carl Burke
[snippage of a vengeful woman's tale of woe]
...
> : Mike: I'm going to regret this but, Ma'am? Are you sure that you've
> : got the right person?
> : Woman: [Looks quizzically at Stephen.] You're Dave Weber, right?
> : [Stephen shakes his head, but he's still cheerful.] Oh. Sorry. My
> : mistake. Excuse me.
> : [She exits.]
> : Stephen: Good luck in eviscerating your foe!
I just wanted to give this section the Honor it deserves.
--
Barcode, "Scuzzlebutt and Sphinxian tree-cats: natural enemies?"
--------------------------------------------------
Carl Burke, cbu...@mitre.org -- le nu ko batci mi kei cu zdile
My opinions are mine and mine alone, unless you
agree with them. Then I'll share.
--------------------------------------------------
"hee hee hee....I'm the jolly evil elf!" - Jess Nevins
--------------------------------------------------
Elizabeth Celeste
On Tue, 20 Jan 1998, Carl Burke wrote:
> Stephen Ratliff wrote:
> > Matthew R Blackwell (mbla...@ix.netcom.com) wrote:
> [snippage of a vengeful woman's tale of woe]
> ...
> > : Mike: I'm going to regret this but, Ma'am? Are you sure that you've
> > : got the right person?
> > : Woman: [Looks quizzically at Stephen.] You're Dave Weber, right?
> > : [Stephen shakes his head, but he's still cheerful.] Oh. Sorry. My
> > : mistake. Excuse me.
> > : [She exits.]
> > : Stephen: Good luck in eviscerating your foe!
I thought this was the best part of the whole thing. It worked in Voyager
refreces. The Legion of Superheroes, the X-Men, adn one of my favorite
movies of all time, Grosse Point Blank. Bravo to all.
But the Honor Harrington bit took the cake.
How about an Honor/Marissa crosover? As they can she who takes over the
universe the fastest- or if you substituted one for the other, would
anyone notice? Besides the marked for death Jay Gordon?
> I just wanted to give this section the Honor it deserves.
>
> --
> Barcode, "Scuzzlebutt and Sphinxian tree-cats: natural enemies?"
With any luck they will kill each other off. Everyone knows that the only
pet for a true Space Merecnary force is a hamster.
Elizabeth, who would love to see Miles Vorkosigan in a death match vs.
Honor and Marissa.
Elizabeth Celeste etwi...@helios.acomp.usf.edu
---------------------------------------------------------------------
"Hugs her Vulcan"
Matthew R Blackwell
On Tue, 20 Jan 1998 13:08:56 -0500, Carl Burke <cbu...@mitre.org>
wrote:
>Stephen Ratliff wrote:
>...
>> Matthew R Blackwell (mbla...@ix.netcom.com) wrote:
>...
>[snippage of a vengeful woman's tale of woe]
>...
>> : Mike: I'm going to regret this but, Ma'am? Are you sure that you've
>> : got the right person?
>> : Woman: [Looks quizzically at Stephen.] You're Dave Weber, right?
>> : [Stephen shakes his head, but he's still cheerful.] Oh. Sorry. My
>> : mistake. Excuse me.
>> : [She exits.]
>> : Stephen: Good luck in eviscerating your foe!
>
>I just wanted to give this section the Honor it deserves.
>
>--
>Barcode, "Scuzzlebutt and Sphinxian tree-cats: natural enemies?"
>
You know what really bothers me about this response? You wrote it on
Punday.
Matt- Don't make me start writing "Marrissa Flores on Baskilisk
Station" again...
Matthew R Blackwell
On 19 Jan 1998 01:22:40 GMT, srat...@runet.edu (Stephen Ratliff)
wrote:
>Usually all my responses are made to the first post ... but this time my
>work comes last, (as does my appearance) ....
>
I'll add a couple of notes here:
1) In the "credit where credit is due" department, most of the lines
that Stephen enjoyed were written by Doug Atkinson.
>: Stephen: Well, I received an e-mail from one of my instructors earlier
>: today informing me that my computer programming finals
>: had been moved from the auditorium to here. So,
>: naturally, here I am.
>: Tom: So, they told you that your finals had been moved to an orbiting
>: satellite and you believed them?
>: Stephen: Well, it seemed a tad inconvenient, but with all of the
>: construction on campus, I couldn't rule out the
>: possibility.
>
>hmmm, there is a lot of construction on campus, but I'm a senior in
>CS... I don't have a class that is large enough to claim an auditorium.
>(Class sizes this semester: 28, 10, 12, 5)
>
Shrug. Oh well. I took a gamble. Most campuses that I'm familiar with
usually will have at least one building project messing up things on
campus.
>:
>: Crow: [hums "Dragnet" theme] I was programming late last Tuesday when
>: a report came in. Fanfic writers being punished. My
>: name's Stephen Ratliff. Fanfic Cop.
>:
>I like it!
>
Doug's line. And a really good one too.
>:
>: Crow: . . .scattered all across the world in a great conspiracy to rid
>: the world of Marrissa once and for all?
>Not really. I find that people tend to critise the author or like the
>character. Very rarely do I find a critic who critises the character
>but I do find people who dislike me.
>:
Um, I'll just say that Marrissa seems to be much less liked than you.
I know some non-MiSTies who scream when they hear the name "Marrissa."
And it's 'criticize.'
>: > over on the group
>: >rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc
>:
>: Mike: Who?
>: Tom: Probably some obscure cable show.
>: Crow: "Mysterio's Three's Company?"
>: Mike: "My Summer Training Three Kiwis?"
>: Tom: "Man, Steve's Truly Three Kinds?"
>
>I've got to define that term sometime just to see how those three
>respond.
Grin. We'll take that challenge.
:
>: >so when I revised "Enterprized" and "Battle For Bajor", I added
>: >some scenes
>:
>: Tom: Unfortunately, the scenes added were the controversial "Marrissa
>: on Broadway" segments.
>: Mike: I did of like that scene where Marrissa and the bridge crew's
>: fired their phasers to the tune of "Some Enchanted Evening"
>: though.
>That's it... next time I add in one of my interests it's going to be
>computer science. You can't make jokes about that :)
Heck, what other song from that musical could I use for that line?
"Bali-High?" "I'm going to wash that Worf right out of my hair?"
"Happy Talk?"
Still, I'm glad that you tolerated it.
Matt- But don't get get me started about "Jellico"...
Stephen Ratliff
: wrote:
:
: >Usually all my responses are made to the first post ... but this time my
: >work comes last, (as does my appearance) ....
:
: I'll add a couple of notes here:
:
: 1) In the "credit where credit is due" department, most of the lines
: that Stephen enjoyed were written by Doug Atkinson.
:
: >: today informing me that my computer programming finals
: >: had been moved from the auditorium to here. So,
: >: naturally, here I am.
: >: Tom: So, they told you that your finals had been moved to an orbiting
: >: satellite and you believed them?
: >: Stephen: Well, it seemed a tad inconvenient, but with all of the
: >: construction on campus, I couldn't rule out the
: >: possibility.
: >
: >hmmm, there is a lot of construction on campus, but I'm a senior in
: >CS... I don't have a class that is large enough to claim an auditorium.
: >(Class sizes this semester: 28, 10, 12, 5)
: >
: usually will have at least one building project messing up things on
: campus.
:
connecting this as of yet unnamed building on the edge of campus, which
begins in the middle of campus. You'd think they could have routed the
water and other untilities from a shorter location instead of tearing a
gash halfway accross campus.
:
: >: the world of Marrissa once and for all?
: >Not really. I find that people tend to critise the author or like the
: >character. Very rarely do I find a critic who critises the character
: >but I do find people who dislike me.
: >:
: I know some non-MiSTies who scream when they hear the name "Marrissa."
: And it's 'criticize.'
You expect me to spell correctly?
: >: >so when I revised "Enterprized" and "Battle For Bajor", I added
: >: >some scenes
: >:
: >: Tom: Unfortunately, the scenes added were the controversial "Marrissa
: >: on Broadway" segments.
: >: Mike: I did of like that scene where Marrissa and the bridge crew's
: >: fired their phasers to the tune of "Some Enchanted Evening"
: >: though.
: >That's it... next time I add in one of my interests it's going to be
: >computer science. You can't make jokes about that :)
:
: "Bali-High?" "I'm going to wash that Worf right out of my hair?"
: "Happy Talk?"
I think I better go on to another musical... you all are going to exust
_South_Pacific_ shortly.
:
: Still, I'm glad that you tolerated it.
:
: Matt- But don't get get me started about "Jellico"...
I can't figure that one out. After all Jellico is a character I got
from the series. Remember Captain Edward Jellico from the TNG episode
"Chains of Command" parts 1&2?
Stephen Ratliff
Carl Burke
Elizabeth Celeste wrote:
...
> Elizabeth, who would love to see Miles Vorkosigan in a death match vs.
> Honor and Marissa.
That's just what Miles needs, two _more_ gorgeous, steely-eyed,
incredibly competent women to deal with. They'd snap him like
a twig. (Of course, pretty much anybody could, but that's beside
the point.) Then Honor wipes the floor with Marissa.
Then the wolves come.
--
Elizabeth Celeste
On Thu, 22 Jan 1998, Carl Burke wrote:
> Elizabeth Celeste wrote:
> > Elizabeth, who would love to see Miles Vorkosigan in a death match vs.
> > Honor and Marissa.
> That's just what Miles needs, two _more_ gorgeous, steely-eyed,
> incredibly competent women to deal with. They'd snap him like
> a twig. (Of course, pretty much anybody could, but that's beside
> the point.) Then Honor wipes the floor with Marissa.
Nonsene. Miles has died before, only to live. Under ordinary
circumstances, he would just add them to the Dendarrii.
What would actually happen is that Miles would hide. He would send Ivan in
to attempt to distract Marissa and Honor. It would then turn into a
lovefest. While Ivan was doing his work, the Dendarrii would be called in.
Ellie Quinn adn Taura would kick the ass of Honor and Marissa.
Marrissa and Honor would then be trapped together in a small shuttle
craft, with "I was beaten by a professional mercenary team" painted on the
side.
The shuttle craft would be tractored in by the space ship Voyager. Marissa
would be confined to the brig for the duration, and Honor would be trained
as a pilot. On her first mission in a shuttle with Chackotay, it would
explosde, leading to the horrible death of Honor.
Marissa would eventually win the affections of Harry Kim.
> Then the wolves come.
Nah. Just the Dendarri.
Elizabeth, who believe that a Vorkosigan can do anything.
Roger M. Wilcox
In article <69u9t0$i...@newslink.runet.edu>,>:
>: Tom: So, they told you that your finals had been moved to an orbiting
>: satellite and you believed them?
>: Stephen: Well, it seemed a tad inconvenient, but with all of the
>: construction on campus, I couldn't rule out the
>: possibility.
>
>hmmm, there is a lot of construction on campus, but I'm a senior in
>CS... I don't have a class that is large enough to claim an auditorium.
>(Class sizes this semester: 28, 10, 12, 5)
Is that some kinda newfangled reverse-Fibonacci sequence?
>:
>: Mike: ...be afraid, because Strawberry Shortcake is back, and she's
>: not going to take it any more! This fall, you can have your
>: cake, but you'll eat lead, in Strawberry Shortcake's
>: "Baker's Death-zen!"
>That fell flat.
WHAT?! Why, you good-fer-nothin' . . . er, wait . . .
Oh, I get it! "Fell flat"! 'Cause it's taking about cakes!
Ba-doom, kssssh! (Er, sorry)
>:
>: Crow: Marrissa failed at something! YES!!
>: Tom: It's supposed to be a revenge fic, but it's really payback on
>: Marrissa! I love you, Stephen!
>Don't be so fast.
Yeah, you KNOW Stephen's not that kind of a girl.
>:
>: Tom: Troi would be a great mom! It'd be like having a sleepover every
>: night! They could eat chocolate, and braid each others' hair,
>: and tell secrets, and gossip about the boys. . .
>: Mike: Tom, someday you need to meet a *real* woman and not just Gypsy
>: and Pearl.
>
>I find that while Troi is like a mother to the Enterprise's crew, it is
>that very trait that makes it hard for me to see her as a mother as long
>as she's counselor. She's effectively got 1024 children right now that
>have a high priority in her life.
And her number one child is ... herself. Gawd. With the possible
exception of Reginald Barclay, she's got to be the most insecure
person on the entire ship.
>:
>: Tom: Unfortunately, the scenes added were the controversial "Marrissa
>: on Broadway" segments.
>: Mike: I did of like that scene where Marrissa and the bridge crew's
>: fired their phasers to the tune of "Some Enchanted Evening"
>: though.
>That's it... next time I add in one of my interests it's going to be
>computer science. You can't make jokes about that :)
Oh no?
Q. How do you get a seagull to do object-oriented programming?
A. You make it a sea plus plus gull!
Q. How many computer scientists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None, that's a hardware problem!
Q. Why did no one attend the last Don Knuth lecture?
A. Because it was the same night as the Deep Space Nine season premiere!
Hatchachachacha! I gotta million of 'em!
>:
>: > and then the idea for "All the King's Horses" came up. I
>: >wasn't going to go back and do the other two, and "All the King's
>: >Horses" fit better after them anyway."
>:
>: Mike: Can't say as I'm looking forward to that one, if it's just
>: Marrissa weeping page after page.
>:
>Sorry to disappoint you.
Disappoint is right. We don't even get to SEE her break down and cry.
Picard and company just tell us about it later. Marrissa weeping for
page after page would at least get rid of some of her air of smugness!
>:
>: Mike: Well, I'm going to miss Adam and Mike, but at least she doesn't
>: seem to know about Roger Wilcox, Charles Rando, Jarek
>: Myszewski, Loren Haarsma, Merritt Stone, Jamie Plummer, Bill
>: Livingston, Suzanne Schroeder, Petra Mitchell, Chris
>: Mayfield, or either version of David Hines.
>Hmmm, looks like it's time for Marrissa's Revenge II: MSTers on Ice.
Yikes! And I froze her in a block of ice for 3 years, too!
(P.S. -- Stephen, it looks like I'm going to have to read your sequel
to "Falling Into Command" without the benefit of my fellow MSTers
treatment. I *do* want to make sure the timetables in _Borged to
Death!_ still fit, now don't I?)
>
>Stephen Ratliff, who reminds you that fan-fic writers are only paid via
>thier feedback... same think with MSTers. So support you fellow
>writers, tell them how much you enjoyed their work. You'll be rewarded
>when you get to heaven.
Roger M. Wilcox, who reminds you that if you don't support every single
writer on a.s.c., including the eight-year-old who
has the Enterprise G defeat 4 Romulan warbirds and
then speed away at warp 26 (in ALL CAPS for the entire
story), you're going to roast in hell for all eternity.
It says so right here.
--
rog...@ix.netcom.com (Roger M. Wilcox) -- without prejudice UCC 1-207
Unlawful to use this email address for unsolicited ads: 47 USC 227
MSTie #38808 | http://www.netcom.com/~rogermw ... now in EXTRA bold!
I'm sodium! <*> | "The truth, as always, is more complicated than that."
-------------------==== Posted via Deja News ====-----------------------
http://www.dejanews.com/ Search, Read, Post to Usenet
Stephen Ratliff
Roger M. Wilcox (rog...@ix.netcom.com) wrote:
: In article <69u9t0$i...@newslink.runet.edu>,
: srat...@runet.edu (Stephen Ratliff) wrote:
: >
: >Matthew R Blackwell (mbla...@ix.netcom.com) wrote:
: >:
: >: Tom: So, they told you that your finals had been moved to an orbiting
: >: satellite and you believed them?
: >: Stephen: Well, it seemed a tad inconvenient, but with all of the
: >: construction on campus, I couldn't rule out the
: >: possibility.
: >
: >hmmm, there is a lot of construction on campus, but I'm a senior in
: >CS... I don't have a class that is large enough to claim an auditorium.
: >(Class sizes this semester: 28, 10, 12, 5)
: ^^^^^^^^^^^^^
:
: Is that some kinda newfangled reverse-Fibonacci sequence?
begining at 9am Monday.
: >:
: >: Tom: Troi would be a great mom! It'd be like having a sleepover every
: >: night! They could eat chocolate, and braid each others' hair,
: >: and tell secrets, and gossip about the boys. . .
: >: Mike: Tom, someday you need to meet a *real* woman and not just Gypsy
: >: and Pearl.
: >
: >I find that while Troi is like a mother to the Enterprise's crew, it is
: >that very trait that makes it hard for me to see her as a mother as long
: >as she's counselor. She's effectively got 1024 children right now that
: >have a high priority in her life.
:
: And her number one child is ... herself. Gawd. With the possible
: exception of Reginald Barclay, she's got to be the most insecure
: person on the entire ship.
:
: >:
: >: Tom: Unfortunately, the scenes added were the controversial "Marrissa
: >: on Broadway" segments.
: >: Mike: I did of like that scene where Marrissa and the bridge crew's
: >: fired their phasers to the tune of "Some Enchanted Evening"
: >: though.
: >That's it... next time I add in one of my interests it's going to be
: >computer science. You can't make jokes about that :)
:
: Oh no?
:
: Q. How do you get a seagull to do object-oriented programming?
: A. You make it a sea plus plus gull!
:
: Q. How many computer scientists does it take to change a light bulb?
: A. None, that's a hardware problem!
:
: Q. Why did no one attend the last Don Knuth lecture?
: A. Because it was the same night as the Deep Space Nine season premiere!
:
: Hatchachachacha! I gotta million of 'em!
:
: >:
: >: > and then the idea for "All the King's Horses" came up. I
: >: >wasn't going to go back and do the other two, and "All the King's
: >: >Horses" fit better after them anyway."
: >:
: >: Mike: Can't say as I'm looking forward to that one, if it's just
: >: Marrissa weeping page after page.
: >:
: >Sorry to disappoint you.
:
: Disappoint is right. We don't even get to SEE her break down and cry.
: Picard and company just tell us about it later. Marrissa weeping for
: page after page would at least get rid of some of her air of smugness!
:
scene in Chapter Four.
: >:
: >: Mike: Well, I'm going to miss Adam and Mike, but at least she doesn't
: >: seem to know about Roger Wilcox, Charles Rando, Jarek
: >: Myszewski, Loren Haarsma, Merritt Stone, Jamie Plummer, Bill
: >: Livingston, Suzanne Schroeder, Petra Mitchell, Chris
: >: Mayfield, or either version of David Hines.
: >Hmmm, looks like it's time for Marrissa's Revenge II: MSTers on Ice.
:
: Yikes! And I froze her in a block of ice for 3 years, too!
: (P.S. -- Stephen, it looks like I'm going to have to read your sequel
: to "Falling Into Command" without the benefit of my fellow MSTers
: treatment. I *do* want to make sure the timetables in _Borged to
: Death!_ still fit, now don't I?)
Well, my sequal isn't done yet. Rob Tont's sequal (Hail to the Queen)
is. I'm still working on "Return to Glory"
: >
: >Stephen Ratliff, who reminds you that fan-fic writers are only paid via
: >thier feedback... same think with MSTers. So support you fellow
: >writers, tell them how much you enjoyed their work. You'll be rewarded
: >when you get to heaven.
:
: Roger M. Wilcox, who reminds you that if you don't support every single
: writer on a.s.c., including the eight-year-old who
: has the Enterprise G defeat 4 Romulan warbirds and
: then speed away at warp 26 (in ALL CAPS for the entire
: story), you're going to roast in hell for all eternity.
: It says so right here.
read all of the 1.7 MBs of stories posted every week.
Stephen Ratliff
Roger M. Wilcox
In article <6akmec$f...@newslink.runet.edu>,
srat...@runet.edu (Stephen Ratliff) wrote:
>
> Roger M. Wilcox (rog...@ix.netcom.com) wrote:
> : In article <69u9t0$i...@newslink.runet.edu>,
> : srat...@runet.edu (Stephen Ratliff) wrote:
> : >
> : >Matthew R Blackwell (mbla...@ix.netcom.com) wrote:
> : >:
> : >: >wasn't going to go back and do the other two, and "All the King's
> : >: >Horses" fit better after them anyway."
> : >:
> : >: Mike: Can't say as I'm looking forward to that one, if it's just
> : >: Marrissa weeping page after page.
> : >:
> : >Sorry to disappoint you.
> :
> : Disappoint is right. We don't even get to SEE her break down and cry.
> : Picard and company just tell us about it later. Marrissa weeping for
> : page after page would at least get rid of some of her air of smugness!
> :
> Hmmm, what about Chapter Five, first scene, and the end of the bully
> scene in Chapter Four.
Lessee ...
Chapter Four: Marrissa one-punches a bully twice her size into a river,
has a fleeting thought about wishing she could see her dead mother again,
and a while later Troi *tells* us that she's in her room crying. Not
one minute of "on-camera" grief.
Chapter Five: We don't see her actually crying, but Marrissa does talk
over her grief. With the POPE. Even as a young girl in sorrow, she's
an international figure.
MARRISSA: I wish everybody would stop trying to cheer me up.
CROW: [in Marrissa's voice] Yeah! Everybody's giving me gift boxes of
chocolates, royal titles, six-packs of defenseless Romulans ... I
don't wanna take over their stupid galaxy anyway!
Stephen Ratliff
: srat...@runet.edu (Stephen Ratliff) wrote:
: >
: > Roger M. Wilcox (rog...@ix.netcom.com) wrote:
: > : In article <69u9t0$i...@newslink.runet.edu>,
: > : srat...@runet.edu (Stephen Ratliff) wrote:
: > : >
: > : >Matthew R Blackwell (mbla...@ix.netcom.com) wrote:
: > : >:
: > : >: >wasn't going to go back and do the other two, and "All the King's
: > : >: >Horses" fit better after them anyway."
: > : >:
: > : >: Mike: Can't say as I'm looking forward to that one, if it's just
: > : >: Marrissa weeping page after page.
: > : >:
: > : >Sorry to disappoint you.
: > :
: > : Disappoint is right. We don't even get to SEE her break down and cry.
: > : Picard and company just tell us about it later. Marrissa weeping for
: > : page after page would at least get rid of some of her air of smugness!
: > :
: > Hmmm, what about Chapter Five, first scene, and the end of the bully
: > scene in Chapter Four.
:
:
: Chapter Four: Marrissa one-punches a bully twice her size into a river,
: has a fleeting thought about wishing she could see her dead mother again,
: and a while later Troi *tells* us that she's in her room crying. Not
: one minute of "on-camera" grief.
Sorry, no Troi. And she was staring out into space after muttering "I
wish I could" dispite an onrushing bully who was about to slaughter her
And it was Robert Picard who told Jean-Luc Picard (who was busy making
sure that the boy who attacked his daughter was no longer gainfully
employed) that Marie Picard was comforting a crying Marrissa. I
originally wrote that scene but it did not meet my expectations and the
Chapter Five scene with the Pope served the purpose better.
: Chapter Five: We don't see her actually crying, but Marrissa does talk
: over her grief. With the POPE. Even as a young girl in sorrow, she's
: an international figure.
Don't see her accually crying huh... I quote:
While Marrissa had been taking in the scene, she had been
walking forward, her heals clicking on the black and white tile. She
placed her hand on the edge of the pew which was made of the same wood
as the paneling in the entryway. She pulled down the kneeler and
kneeled in the pew. Then remembering a gesture that she had once seen
her mother do in the ship's chapel, she did the sign of the cross.
As she kneeled, Marrissa's tears flowed. She remembered how her
mother always insisted that she say her prayers before she went to bed.
She remembered her mother's laughter at her father's jokes. She
remembered her father's cooking on camping trips. She remembered hiking
and riding with her father in Yellowstone and Yosemite. She remembered
the loss.
And yes, that's the point where the Pope arrived. (Visiting his old
friend in France)
:
: MARRISSA: I wish everybody would stop trying to cheer me up.
: CROW: [in Marrissa's voice] Yeah! Everybody's giving me gift boxes of
: chocolates, royal titles, six-packs of defenseless Romulans ... I
: don't wanna take over their stupid galaxy anyway!
Hmmm, rif from the upcoming MSTing?
Stephen Ratliff, who thinks this is the first time he's defended a story
on ratmm.
Matthew R Blackwell
>In article <69u9t0$i...@newslink.runet.edu>,
> srat...@runet.edu (Stephen Ratliff) wrote:
>>
>>Matthew R Blackwell (mbla...@ix.netcom.com) wrote:
>>:
>>: Mike: ...be afraid, because Strawberry Shortcake is back, and she's
>>: not going to take it any more! This fall, you can have your
>>: cake, but you'll eat lead, in Strawberry Shortcake's
>>: "Baker's Death-zen!"
>>That fell flat.
>
>WHAT?! Why, you good-fer-nothin' . . . er, wait . . .
>
>Oh, I get it! "Fell flat"! 'Cause it's taking about cakes!
>Ba-doom, kssssh! (Er, sorry)
D'oh! I, of course, took this line seriously and thought "Okay,
Stephen didn't like that line. It was kind of weak."
Matt-missing possible jokes left and right..
Stephen Ratliff
: Wilcox) wrote:
:
: >In article <69u9t0$i...@newslink.runet.edu>,
: > srat...@runet.edu (Stephen Ratliff) wrote:
: >>
: >>Matthew R Blackwell (mbla...@ix.netcom.com) wrote:
: >>:
: >>: not going to take it any more! This fall, you can have your
: >>: cake, but you'll eat lead, in Strawberry Shortcake's
: >>: "Baker's Death-zen!"
: >>That fell flat.
: >
: >WHAT?! Why, you good-fer-nothin' . . . er, wait . . .
: >
: >Oh, I get it! "Fell flat"! 'Cause it's taking about cakes!
: >Ba-doom, kssssh! (Er, sorry)
:
: Stephen didn't like that line. It was kind of weak."
Actually, both of you are right. I didn't like the line, and it was a
joke.
:
: Matt-missing possible jokes left and right..
Don't worry, everyone misses a joke every once in a while.
Stephen Ratliff
Roger M. Wilcox
In article <6alr2k$i...@newslink.runet.edu>,
> : over her grief. With the POPE. Even as a young girl in sorrow, she's
> : an international figure.
> Don't see her accually crying huh... I quote:
[ snip pre-Pope events ]
Hmmm ... yep, there it is, right there in black-and-white. (It looks
black-and-white in MY web browser, anyway.) Marrissa lacrymates before
the Pope arrives. I missed that part when I scanned through it. I was
mistaken.
I hereby announce that my assessment of Marrissa's "on-screen" crying
time, as being nonexistent, was premature.
(But she still gets to talk it out with the pope.)
>
> Stephen Ratliff, who thinks this is the first time he's defended a story
> on ratmm.
It's prolly not, but this'll teach me to jump to conclusions.
Roger M. "Not that I need much practice in jumping to conclusions.
I've had quite a bit of experience with it" Wilcox
Stephen Ratliff
: srat...@runet.edu (Stephen Ratliff) wrote:
: >
: > Roger M. Wilcox (rog...@ix.netcom.com) wrote:
: > :
: > : Chapter Five: We don't see her actually crying, but Marrissa does talk
: > : over her grief. With the POPE. Even as a young girl in sorrow, she's
: > : an international figure.
: > Don't see her accually crying huh... I quote:
:
: [ snip pre-Pope events ]
:
: Hmmm ... yep, there it is, right there in black-and-white. (It looks
: black-and-white in MY web browser, anyway.) Marrissa lacrymates before
: the Pope arrives. I missed that part when I scanned through it. I was
: mistaken.
:
: I hereby announce that my assessment of Marrissa's "on-screen" crying
: time, as being nonexistent, was premature.
:
: (But she still gets to talk it out with the pope.)
Hey... only the best for Marrissa.
: >
: > Stephen Ratliff, who thinks this is the first time he's defended a story
: > on ratmm.
:
: It's prolly not, but this'll teach me to jump to conclusions.
:
: Roger M. "Not that I need much practice in jumping to conclusions.
: I've had quite a bit of experience with it" Wilcox
Stephen Ratliff, who is now working on a revision of Away From Home: The
Field Trip after getting stuck on Athena Prospects (the Revision of Time
Speeder) Any one know a way to sabotage a space shuttle?
Bill Livingston
Previously on "Starsky and Hutch", Stephen Ratliff wrote:
>Roger M. Wilcox (rog...@ix.netcom.com) wrote:
>:>Stephen Ratliff, who thinks this is the first time he's defended a story
>:>on ratmm.
>:
>: It's prolly not, but this'll teach me to jump to conclusions.
Okay, Roger, jump! Jump! Good Roger!
>Stephen Ratliff, who is now working on a revision of Away From Home: The
>Field Trip after getting stuck on Athena Prospects (the Revision of Time
>Speeder) Any one know a way to sabotage a space shuttle?
Banana up the tailpipe?
Pour sugar in the dilithium intermix chamber?
Reprogram the INS ground level to ground level minus 200 feet?
Replace all the isolinear chips with Spice Girls & Marilyn Manson CD's?
Let Ted Kennedy Drive it?
Bill L.
Always happy to help 8-]
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
bi...@Traveller.COM http://www.hsv.tis.net/~bill
As long as you have your corpulent porpoises, life is worth living
cmeh...@staff.uwsuper.edu
Somehow, Stephen Ratliff somehow got this message out of Ward E:
{Snippage of Roger and Stephen's discussion about Marrissa and the Pope}
> Stephen Ratliff, who is now working on a revision of Away From Home: The
> Field Trip after getting stuck on Athena Prospects (the Revision of Time
> Speeder) Any one know a way to sabotage a space shuttle?
How about an evil, malevolent force sending his nine servants of darkness
out for one ring to rule them all and in the darkness binding them?
How about a cynical, raspy-voiced wizard out to become a god?
A ghostly alien that has possesed the body of the director of Shuttle
operations?
Chris "Plagirism is my middle name" Mehring
"International Olympic Committee president Juan Antonio Samaranch
announced Monday that, for the first time ever, professionals will be
permitted to compete in wrestling in the 2000 Summer Games in Sydney,
Australia." _The Onion_ January 28, 1998
Roger M. Wilcox
In article <6aooki$n...@newslink.runet.edu>,
> :
> Hey... only the best for Marrissa.
*sigh*. Of course. The Pope probably heard about her Kobayashi Maru
time, which as we all know is the only 24th-century criterion for judging
somebody's worth as a person.
>
> Stephen Ratliff, who is now working on a revision of Away From Home: The
> Field Trip after getting stuck on Athena Prospects (the Revision of Time
> Speeder) Any one know a way to sabotage a space shuttle?
Freeze the O-rings in its solid rocket boosters.
Matthew R Blackwell
On 29 Jan 1998 02:13:38 GMT, srat...@runet.edu (Stephen Ratliff)
wrote:
>Stephen Ratliff, who is now working on a revision of Away From Home: The
>Field Trip after getting stuck on Athena Prospects (the Revision of Time
>Speeder) Any one know a way to sabotage a space shuttle?
>--
You've got it heading to Mars, right? Where are the ENE people trying
to stop the shuttle? Are they using their ship, or are they doing this
with modern technology? Is it an onboard bit of sabotage or is it
being performed at Misson Control or assembly?
Well, in any case, try some of these:
*Sabotage the air filtration system.
*Launch a Stinger at the shuttle at launch
*The shuttle will be doing a gravity assist at some point in the
voyage, right? A slight change in the angle of approach will send Mr.
Shuttle flying off into space at the wrong angle to reach Mars, and
the shuttle will never again see a planet.
*By the same token, a slight alteration in the navigation system will
keep the shuttle from ever reaching Mars. Driving a shuttle ain't like
dusting crops, after all.
*Sabotage the tiles. The shuttle will never land. This would also be
bad if the shutttle tries an aerobraking manuever.
*Infiltrate the shuttle with a member of the ENE. He/she can then kill
off the other crew members and then transport out. "Whatever happened
to the crew?" they'll ask on Unsolved Mysteries.
*If you use the spaceship from the future, catch the shuttle when
it's on the far side of Mars, out on contact with the Earth. Phaser
it, transport the crew off, tractor beam it into the atmosphere,
whatever. Anyway, no more shuttle.
*Or you can cancel the shuttle's funding before the launch. That'll
work too.
Hope this helps.
Matt- Remembering his brief education in aerospace engineering.