MiSTied -- The Haunted (DS9) a.s.c [2/2]

[PhineasBog]

[Continued from Part One]

>
>Subject: M.O.P REPOST: DS9 Story "The Haunted" - Part 3/5
>From: hen...@zipper.zip.com.au (Henry Chatroop)

Mike: I wonder if "Henry Chatroop" is a pseudonym for "Anne Rice."
Crow: [groans] Please don't mention that name.
Mike: Why, what's wrong with--
Crow: [groans] Please?
Tom: Yeah, no mentioning of "V.C. Andrews" either.
Crow: [retching sound]

>Date: 4 Dec 1996 10:02:51 GMT
>Message-ID: <583i8b$h...@the-fly.zip.com.au>
>
>The Haunted
>Part Three.

Mike: Haunted 3--On Her Majesty's Secretion Service.

>
> Julian Bashir flipped over in his sleep

Tom: And did a triple-somersault with half-twist,
followed by a double-reverse handspring.

kicking off
his
>blankets only to awake to the feel of gentle hands drawing them
>back up to tuck him in. Cool hands brushed his hair off his
>face and cool lips touched his forehead.

> "Sweet Dreams, Jules," the sultry voice said softly.

Mike: [Patsy Cline] [singing] I... fall... to pieces...

> Then the presence was gone, he could hear soft foot steps
>padding away from the bed, then the creak of his chair as his
>'ghost' sat down.

Crow: Then he heard the disgusting sound of a
ghostly Whoopie Cushion.

Cautiously he turned his head to look around
>and the night light

Mike: [laughing] Night light?!?
Tom: Bashir makes Wesley look like Charles Bronson.

caught the glint of something on his wall
>that called for his attention,

Mike: Pssst...Hey, Wuss, I'm a glint, pay attention.

looking up, Julian started
>screaming.

Crow: [Bashir] A GLINT! AAAAAAHHHHH!

> There was blood dripping down the wall, great gouts of it

Tom: "gouts"? Is this wall not ingesting enough iodized salt?

>pouring out from the seams and in the center of the wall were
>two eyes watching him.

Mike: I've seen Scooby-Doo episodes that were scarier than this.
Crow: DS9 The Movie-- Amityville Space Station.

>
> Odo entered the corridor to find Dr Bashir's neighbours
>clustered around the thoroughly hysterical young man outside
>his quarters.

Tom: Even the 24th century has "rubber-neckers."

Strangely enough there was a woman supporting
>Bashir whom Odo didn't recognize, even her species was a
>mystery to him.

Mike: The species called "Woman" is a mystery to us all, Odo.

> He dismissed the neighbors

Tom: "neighbors"?? Is DS9 like Mayberry now?
Crow: [Mr. Rogers] Hi, Neighbor!

after hearing their
report of
>hearing the Doctor's screams and coming to investigate only to
>find the woman helping the hysterical Doctor from his quarters.
> Odo turned his attention to the woman.

Mike: Don't see that happening on the new Star Treks very often.

She
refused point
>blank

Tom: Keanu Reeves in: "Point Blank"!

to identify herself, or state when she'd arrived on the
>station.
> "What were you doing in Dr Bashir's Quarters?" He
>demanded.
> "Guess," she challenged

Tom: Uh, your tax forms?
Crow: No, guess again.
Mike: Umm, the Macarena?
Crow: One more guess.
Tom: Hmm... strip Twister?
Crow: Bingo!

him in a voice so sultry that
Odo
>made the assumption he was meant to make.
> "Why was he screaming?"

Mike: Not a word, guys.

> "He saw something."
> "What?"

Tom: Man, that Odo is one intense interrogator.

> "Blood.. pouring out of the wall opposite his bed, eyes
>watching him."
> "Did you see it?"
> "Not at first, but after he pointed and I stared long
>enough, I saw it too.. And there was something else.."
> "What," Odo asked dreading the answer.

Tom: Voyager reruns!
Mike and Crow: The horror... the horror...

> "We both saw it.. her at the same time, a woman, horribly
>mutilated standing about a meter away from the door in a huge
>puddle of blood with her.. internal organs scattered around
>her.. She didn't have any eyes, or skin or hair.."

Mike: I'd hate to see the police sketch.

> "Justice," Bashir added.
> Odo looked at him. Bashir looked back pulling himself
>together. He still looked bloodless and petrified,

Tom: Which was normal for him.

but he was
>no longer hysterical,

Crow: Which was *not* normal for him.

his companion's report seemingly being
>enough to bring him back to rationality.
> "I heard her say, `Justice', Odo."
> "You don't mind if I take a look for myself."
> "I hope you have a strong stomach," the woman responded.
> Bashir gave a half hysterical giggle.

Crow: Heeheeheehee... skin, eyes, blood, corpse,
organs, intestines... heeheeheehee...

Odo approached
the
>room and keyed in his all area's access code,

Tom: [singing] 867-5309...

the
door opened
>and he stepped into the room and back into the past.
> She was there, on the floor as she had been so long ago,
>her eyes attached to the wall, that bloody smile below.
> Odo backed out of the room at Warp 10 and the door slid
>shut before him - only there was something attached to it.

Crow: Marley...Jacob Marley...

>Those eyes looking at him. He heard Bashir start screaming
>again. Blood started pouring down the door and a voice seething
>with fury whispered one word over and over.

Tom: Rosebud.

> "Justice."

Tom: Oh.

>
> End of `The Haunted' - Part Three
>______________________________________________________________
>
>Standard disclaimers apply. Copyright 1995 Mission Ops
>Productions.
>Send your comments to Red at hen...@zip.com.au
>Re: The Haunted.
>As always, please put a reference to 'Red' in the subject line
>to make it easier to sort out the incoming messages.
>_____________________________________________________________
>
>
>
>Subject: M.O.P REPOST - DS9 Story "The Haunted" - Part 4/5
>From: hen...@zipper.zip.com.au (Henry Chatroop)
>Date: 4 Dec 1996 10:04:52 GMT
>Message-ID: <583ic4$h...@the-fly.zip.com.au>

Mike: I'm expecting Mulder to show up any second now.
Crow: [groans] Please, don't mention that show.
Mike: Why, what's wrong with--
Crow and Tom: PLEASE?

>
>The Haunted
>Part Four.
>

Mike: Haunted 4--The Quest for Pieces.

> As Bashir's screams ended abruptly so did the horrific
>sight that met Odo's eyes.
> "How interesting."

Tom: [Odo] The gore and the viscera and the
reproductive organs... how curious.

> Odo turned to see the woman holding up the now limp

Crow: Mike, can't I say just *one* thing?
Mike: No!

and
>unconscious Bashir.
> "He fainted and it stopped," she explained.
> Odo turned his attention back to Bashir's quarter.

Tom: And Odo nonchalantly slipped it into his pocket
when he was sure no one was looking.

This
>time when he entered them all that met his eyes was what he
>expected to see on any given day. Scrupulously neat quarters,
>the bed somewhat rumpled,

Crow: [Odo] What a scrupulously neat, rumpled bed!
Tom: So, Bashir is an *anal-rententive* slob?

nothing out of the ordinary.
As he
>heard Bashir give a little groan he turned to look around to
>see Bashir stirring in the woman's arms.

Mike: [Bashir] No, Momma... no school...

Without any
warning
>Odo felt a wave of ice cold sensation ripple up his back

Tom: As if he'd just eaten a York Peppermint Patty.

and
>spun around to be confronted with the eviscerated corpse
>standing before him.
> "Justice," She demanded.
> "You'll have it," he promised and was vastly relieved to
>see the woman vanish.
> He turned to see, Bashir once again unconscious in the
>woman's arms.

Tom: Bashir is fainting more than Scarlett O'Hara.
Mike: He's been doing nothing but screaming and being
unconscious all through this story... It's his best
performance *ever*!

> "He fainted again as soon as he saw her, and then she
>disappeared again," the woman reported.
> "As you said yourself, most interesting," Odo responded.
> "I would rouse him to test the theory I'm forming, but..."

Tom: He might talk in that annoying voice of his.

> "I think he's had more than enough frights for one night,
>let's get him to the infirmary. This wraith shouldn't appear
>there."

Mike: [Odo] Sickbay is neutral, holy territory.

>
> Odo soon wished he'd never opened his mouth.

Crow: Why? You don't want to know.

He'd just
>left Doctor Bashir recovering from the shock when he heard the
>Doctor screaming and the woman's voice calling him back. He was
>not surprised to see the murdered woman there facing Bashir,

Tom: [Odo] Oh, the corpse again...[yawns]

>demanding `Justice'. He was surprised to see Bashir's lover
>approach the wraith without the slightest hint of fear.
> "I would give it to you, Sister,

Tom: [Woman] But I have Bashir now.
Mike: [puts his head in his hands]

if you would tell me who
>did this to you," the woman said.
> The eviscerated corpse was silent for a few moments then
>whispered a name. A bark of laughter burst from Odo,

Crow: [Odo] Ha, ha! Woof, woof!

both women
>turned to face him.
> "Justice - Cosmic Justice has been served.. He died, three
>days after your murder, crushed to death when he was repairing
>a faulty airlock seal.

Mike: The seal crushed him with its flippers after
it bounced a ball on its nose.

The hatch rolled closed with him trapped
>between. He was in worse shape than you in the end."

Tom: And what a shapely end it is!

> What passed for a smile touched the corpse's lips and she
>was transformed for a moment into a stunning Bajoran woman Odo
>vaguely recognized. Then she was gone. Odo did a double take,
>she wasn't the only one who had vanished, so had Bashir's
>lover, in the blink of an eye.

Mike: Unfortunately, Bashir remained.

>
> End of `The Haunted' - Part Four
>______________________________________________________________
>
>Standard disclaimers apply. Copyright 1995 Mission Ops
>Productions.
>Send your comments to Red at hen...@zip.com.au
>Re: The Haunted.
>As always, please put a reference to 'Red' in the subject line
>to make it easier to sort out the incoming messages.
>_____________________________________________________________
>
>
>Subject: M.O.P REPOST - DS9 Story "The Haunted" - Part 5/5
>From: hen...@zipper.zip.com.au (Henry Chatroop)
>Date: 4 Dec 1996 10:06:33 GMT
>Message-ID: <583if9$h...@the-fly.zip.com.au>
>
>The Haunted
>Part Five.
>

Mike: Haunted 5--The Beginning.

> Odo checked out Bashir with a concerned eye, the Doctor
>seemed to have gone from hysterics to outright catatonia. Odo
>wanted to speak with him to assure him the haunting was over,
>that he was safe, but nothing he said seemed to get through.

Tom: Catatonia sometimes has that effect on people.

>Over and over Bashir murmured one word, Rihsab.

Mike: Rihsab! [starts a stopwatch] Okay, kids, let's see how
long it takes you to figure this puzzle out.

> Odo gave up trying to reach Bashir and called for a medic
>to tend to him.

Tom: [Odo] Screw it, I'm outa here.

Once he was assured Bashir was in good hands

All: [coughing and whistling]

>Odo returned to his office to start checking his records.

Crow: [Odo] Hmmm... Slim Whitman... Yanni...
Oooo, Andy Gibb's "Shadow Dancing"!

First
>off he pulled up his unsolved murder files

Tom: Which were overflowing.

and quickly
>transferred the lead file to the solved basket.

Tom: Which was empty up till now.

Next
he pulled
>up the missing person files covering the period of the murder.
>There he found a picture of the stunning woman he'd seen for so
>brief a moment in the infirmary. Sadly he typed in the notice
>that she was no longer missing and filed a report on the
>circumstances of her death, then sent the file off to the
>Bajoran registry of missing persons.

Mike: Remember, you can't help if you don't watch.
I'm John Walsh, have a good evening.

> With that unpleasant chore seen to he inputed one last
>command.

Tom: D-E-L-E-T-E F-A-N-F-I-C

Search for Rihsab - all instances, possible
>misspelling - Parameters, search Bajoran, DS9 and Federation
>Data Bases.
> He sat back to wait. He didn't have to wait long until the
>first response appeared it read
> Rihsab = Bashir?

Mike: Time's up! [stops stopwatch] So, kids, did you figure
it out before the computer?

> Odo wondered if it were that simple and waited.
> Fifteen minutes later the computer let him know there was
>a rather large file under the title Rihsab - and that it
>required clearance from none other than Ambassador Bashir
>before it could open the file for his perusal.
> Odo thought about it and made a guess and changed the
>parameters of his search. He entered a description of Bashir's
>lover into the computer with the query Rihsab?
> The Response was the same.

Crow: [Computer Voice] Bite me. Mind your own beeswax.

Clearance required from
>Ambassador Bashir.

Tom: [Odo] You mean I can't access the Ambassador's
private files? What a weenie...

> Wait - there was something else.

Mike: A new DOOM level!

Odo called up the
file,

Crow: And asked it out to dinner.

>to find a security report, apparently from the Federation
>Embassy on Vulcan. There was an extremely detailed report of
>the attempted assassination of Julian Bashir

Tom: By the creator of "Babylon 5".

(16
at the time)
>while he slept. According to the report his bodyguard, only
>identified as Rihsab, had successfully defended her charge,
>killing the assassins while being critically injured herself,
>dying in the arms of her charge.
> Odo called up the visual component of the record and a
>chill passed through him as it supplied a picture of a much
>younger Julian Bashir cradling the body of - his lover.

Mike: Odo must be reading alt.sex.necrophilia.
Crow: *Now* who's pushing the limit, Mr. Nelson?

> Both Julian and his bodyguard were dishevelled, cuts,
>bruises and blood, his red, hers blue, mingling as the tearful
>youth mourned the death of his loyal bodyguard, his eyes wide
>with fear, caught forever as he looked up at the person who had
>recorded that moment for prosperity.

Mike: Yeah, Bashir was full of fear because his hair was mussed.
Tom: Could you imagine the photographer?
Crow: [Photographer] C'mon, Bashir, just *one* picture of this
traumatic event?

> Odo studied the bodyguard's face and body carefully.

Tom: A little *too* carefully.

It
>was definitely the same woman who'd been on the station, caring
>for Bashir, so fearlessly facing the vengeful wraith who had
>terrified the young Doctor.
> "She came back to protect you from wraith, and once she'd
>dispatched it..

Mike: [covers mouth to make a dispatcher voice] One Adam-12,
One Adam-12... We have a wraith in Dorkhead's quarters.
Send a meat wagon.

She disappeared," Odo muttered to himself.
> He came to the conclusion he would never see Rihsab's
>wraith again.

Crow: It's good to know Odo is so well-educated in the
behaviors and motivations of the Undead.
Tom: Hey, cut Odo some slack. He probably uses Ouija boards
and Tarot cards... and we all know how "accurate" they
are, RIGHT?!?

After all he'd been in greater danger over the
>years and she hadn't appeared to protect him. It was only when
>the threat to him came from the 'other side' that Rihsab had
>returned from the 'other side' herself to protect her charge.
>Once that threat had been dealt with there was no other reason
>for her to stay and she had returned from whence she came.
>Never to return again.
> Odo almost jumped right out of his seat when he saw the
>eyes of the bodyguard shift and look straight at him. Then he
>heard Rihsab's sultry voice whispering..
> "Don't bet on it."

All: [muted trumpet] Wah, wah, wah, wahhhhh...

>
> The End of `The Haunted'

Crow: [sarcastic] Oh, that was sooo scary.
I'll have nightmares for weeks!
Tom: Wait a minute! It's over? Does Bashir
ever get out of his coma?
Mike: Who cares? Let's go, guys.

>______________________________________________________________
>Standard disclaimers apply. Copyright 1995 Mission Ops
>Productions.
>Send your comments to Red at hen...@zip.com.au
>Re: The Haunted.
>As always, please put a reference to 'Red' in the subject line
>to make it easier to sort out the incoming messages.
>_____________________________________________________________

[1...2...3...4...5...6]

[Doors close]

[S.O.L.]

Mike: Man, the only good thing about that fanfic was its
short length. It may have FELT as long as the Bible,
But... Guys? ...Guys?

[Mike looks around. The bots aren't there. The lights dim.
Cobwebs are on the walls and rubber rats are crawling around.]

Mike: C'mon, this isn't funny. Cut it out.

[Sounds of wolves howling and chains rattling.]

[Wind rushes. Thunder booms and lightning flashes.]

[A spotlight shines on a large photograph of Crow on the wall
behind Mike.]

Gypsy enters with tea stains on her.
Gypsy: Hi, Mike! [looks around]
Oooooooh... [faints]
Mike: Gypsy?

[Tom Servo's voice echos through the S.O.L.]

Tom's Voice: Cosmic Justice...
Mike: Cosmic Justice? Is that a comic
book superhero? What do you
mean, "Cosmic Justice"?

Gypsy: [rises] Oooooohhh... [faints]
Mike: What's going on around here?
Gypsy: [rises, hysterically laughing] Heeheeheehee... [faints again]

[Spotlight shines on a pair of fake googly-eyes that are
scotch-taped to the wall. Blood seeps from the wall in
great gouts. Mike's hair blows in the wind as
a bright light shines in his face.]

Mike: Who's saying that? WHO ARE YOU?!?
Gypsy: Heeheeheehee... [faints]

[A white sheet with eye-holes cut in it, and about the
size and shape of Tom Servo, comes up from below and
moves ominously towards Mike.]

Tom's Voice: Cosmic Justice must be served!

[Mike backs up against the bloody wall and
beats the back of his head on it.]

Mike: This is not happening [thud]... this is not happening [thud]...
Tom's Voice: Justice! JUSTICE!!
Mike: Nooooooooo!!!

[The sheeted figure slips in the blood and falls over.]

Tom's Voice: ARGH!
Mike: [Touches the "blood" on the wall and tastes it] Hey!
You guys used up all the strawberry jam!

[Mike lifts up the sheet. Tom painfully rises.
Gypsy rises as well.]

Mike: Very funny.
Gypsy: We had you scared there for a minute, huh?
Mike: Uh, heh-heh. Who, me? Naw. I was just playing
along.
Gypsy: Suuure, Mike. [exits]
Mike: Aw, come on! There's nothing that can scare me!
Tom: [from behind Mike] RATLIFF!
Mike: [turns, startled] Ahhhhh!

[Tom chuckles]

Mike: That was a low blow, Servo.
Tom: Jeez, sorry. You're lucky we didn't start throwing
the female reproductive organs around.
Mike: Well, there's one thing I can say for certain. [clears throat]
Now that fanfic writer Henry Chatroop has finally written his
little heart out, there is no other reason for him to write
anymore. He has returned from whence he came.
And there is no reason for him to return again.

[The photograph of Crow on the wall moves and speaks:]

Crow's Photo: Hey, Mike?

[Mike and Tom look at the photograph.]

Crow's Photo: [ominously] Don't bet on it.
Mike and Tom: AHHHHHHHH!!!!

[Deep 13]

[Pearl rises from beneath her table. Her hair is
sticking straight up. She is pale and shivering.]

Pearl: N-now *that's* scary!

[Her shaking hand presses the button.]

\ | /
\ | /
- - -O - - -
/ | \
/ | \
PWISHHH

**************************************************************************
************
Mystery Science Theater 3000 and all related items are copyright
Best Brains, Inc. This MSTing is not authorized by anyone. It is not
intended as an attack on the writer of the original article and any such
references are for humorous purposes only. The opinions expressed
in this MSTing do not necessarily represent those of the writer of the
MSTing or the original author and are not meant to offend anyone
(except certain teeny-boppers). This article may be freely distributed
as long as it remains intact.

MiSTed by Jay B, Phine...@aol.com. Comments always welcomed.
**************************************************************************
************
> "This is not happening, (thud) this is not happening,
>(thud) this is all just a weird dream," he said to himself as
>he hit his head on the table.
> It hurt.
________________________________________________
<Insert so-called witty signature and lame ASCII art here>
Phine...@aol.com
________________________________________________

[Ben Canant]

Please repost part 1!!! Thank you very much!

- - - - - - - -
Gamma3 - magicben@got.???
Replace ??? with net.
- - - - - - - -

[Cyn 6x9ELS]

Please, please, please tell me that fan fiction wasn't REAL!
Cyn C.
Chicago