[MiSTed] Sacrifice

[Damien Karolev]

I must be suffering from heatstroke, 'cause I seem to have stuck in the
stinger from my previous Sonic misting. Here's the right one:

> Once inside of Robotropolis Foxfire (in
Piraneh
>Man form) slipped off to the control center to do something that was not
>assigned to him. He slipped in right behind Snively and Robotnick.
> He said to them, "Isn't it a beautiful day."

--
Damien Karolev

[Damien Karolev]

[Opening credits and theme song]

[Bridge of the SoL. Crow is sitting here staring blankly. Mike and Tom come
onscreen, obviously in the midst of a conversation.]

Tom: ...and so, Torgo, as caretaker, represents the superego.
Mike: Yes, but he was subordinate to the Master, which is a blatant...
[notices
Crow, who is vibrating slightly.] Crow? Are you alright?
Crow: B... b... b...
Tom: B... b... banana? Baseball? Brain Guy?
Crow: B... b... bad crossover... [shudders] Oohhh, Mike... I had the worst
dream... I dreamt that the SoL was shot down over Mobius and I ended up
in a crossover with Sonic the Hedgehog. And you were there, and you. Well,
actually, Mike, I think you were dead.
Mike: It's okay, Crow. You're with us now.
Tom: [sniffs the air] Do I smell foreshadowing?

[Mads' signal thingy.]

Tom: Oh, great, the mad poopies are calling.

[Mike activates the hexfield.]

Mike: Good morning, evil ones. And what can I do for you today?

[WMoD. Observer and Bobo are in the back, playing cards.]

Pearl: Don't test me, Nelstony, I'm in a worse mood than usual. Brain Guy's
been
trying to teach Bobo poker, and I've had to put up with their stupidity
all morning.
Observer: Alright, ape, you get five cards.

[Bobo takes five cards and eats them.]

Bobo: Not bad. Kind of bland.
Observer: You're not supposed to eat the cards, you moronic monkey!
Bobo: "Monkey"?! I'll show YOU who's a monkey!

[Bobo pokes Observer's brain.]

Observer [deep, portentous voice]: By the time the immortal millenium had
ended, half of mankind had forgotten its birthplace... [normal
voice] Hey! Don't do that!
Pearl: Will you two shut up? Anyway, Nelsuck, I've decided to send you a
*wonderful* piece of fanfiction today. It's a delightful little tale
from the desk of Noah Keen.

[SoL]

Tom: 3... 2... 1... Here it comes...

[WMoD]

Pearl: It's "Sacrifice," a Sonic the Hedgehog story.

[SoL]

Crow: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Tom: We have cheap joke, ladies and gentlemen!

[WMoD]

Pearl: I hope you enjoy it, bubblehead, because I had to search far and wide
to
find a story this bad. Send them the fanfic, Brainy.
Observer: Your wish is my command, mein herr. [does his
super-brain-doohickey.]

[SoL. Lights and sirens.]

All: WE'VE GOT HEDGEHOG SIGN!

[Dog Bone, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, o]

[Mike enters the theatre, carrying Tom. Crow follows, and they take their
usual seats.]

Crow: I can take this... I can take this...

> It was a beautiful morning in Knothole Village. It was exactly 5:00
am.

Tom [Jack Webb]: My name's Friday. I carry a badge.

>
The
>sun was shining through the great treetops down upon all the huts. Not
many
>people were up to see this. One of these people was Foxfire.

Crow: Oh, no! It's a Gonterfic in disguise!
Mike: Crow, calm down. This is a different Foxfire.

> He always
liked
>to get up early to see the sun rise, that was one of his favorite things to
do.He
>sat munching on an egg sandwich when suddenly someone from behind him
>said, "Hi Foxfire!", Foxfire jumped up and spun around to see who it was;
it was

Mike: Sonic!
Tom: Knuckles!
Crow: Bunnie!
Mike: Antoine!
Tom: Rotor!
Crow: Sir Charles!

>Tails.

All: D'oh!

> "Hi Tails, I was just watching the sun rise," replied Foxfire. "But
next time
>don't sneak up on me."

Tom [Foxfire]: Dickweed.

> "Ok, you really like doing this don't you?," replied Tails. " I
haven't seen you
>miss a sunrise since you've come here."
> "Yeah well.., you know I like to get away from the war and my
>responsibilities. Having powers like I do carries a lot of
responsibilities, do you
>understand Tails?"

Tom: No, I don't understand Tails, I only speak English!
Crow: [imitates rimshot]
Tom: Thank you! I'll be here all evening, enjoy the buffet!

> "I understand Foxfire. I mean the temptation to use them for your own
whims
>must be unbearable. Yeah...I gotta go now Foxfire, to eat breakfast, Ill
see you
>later."
> "Ok, see you later Tails. Oh well mint as well go shower," Foxfire
said to

Tom: His invisible friend, Norman the Wonder Newt.

>himself. Foxfire got up and then walked to his hut on the outskirts of
Knothole.
> "I wonder what Tails was doing up so early" Foxfire thought to
himself.
> He entered his hut and shut the door. Later in the afternoon, about
12:49

Mike: "About 12:49"? Spock must have ghostwritten this story.

>all the freedom fighters were in the war room deciding on an attack to
>Robotropolis.
> Inside Sally was

Tom: Heart, lungs, liver, pancreas, et cetera.

> giving orders to everyone.
s> "Alright everyone you know the plan! Foxfire, take out as many
swat-bots as
>you can so they wont chase us,"

Crow: What? He'll be killed! [beat] DO IT! DO IT!

> Sally spoke in a commanding voice. "All
the
>rest of us will take out the swat-bot factory, got it?"

Tom: Standard Freedom Fighter assault, type 2.

> Everyone shouted in approval, "Yes!"

All: No!

> Foxfire was the first to get out because he needed room to transform.
This
>was a site to see

Mike: http://www.math.rpi.edu/~nebusj/sth3k.html
Tom: What's that?
Mike: I'll tell you later.

> to many, but for Foxfire it was painful. He stepped
outside
>with the rest of the freedom fighters at the door. He stood in fighting
position and
>yelled," Piraneh Man, Piraneh Man, Piraneh Man!"

All: Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

> His body changed a lot in this transformation. His muscles became
larger,

Crow: Butch Steakbeef.
Mike: Slab Rockstump.
Tom: Thud Hugemeat.

>His skin became green, a fin came out of his head,

Crow: His brain shrunk.

> and hew grew taller. The
>screams echoed throughout the forest. When he did this practically his
cells
>changed and his body morphed.

Tom: IT'S MORPHIN' TIME!
Crow: Fanboy.
Tom: Shut up!

> This was a painful procedure. They all
headed
>to Robotropolis; Sonic running with Sally in his arms,

Mike: Hey, look! Sonic is actually in the story!
Tom: It's really sad when the main character only gets a cameo.

> some freedom
fighters in
>hovercrafts,

Crow: Unnamed characters? Oh, they are *dead*.

> and Tails and Foxfire (now Piraneh Man) flew. Once they got to
>Robotropolis there was mass

Crow: Waffles.
Mike: Waffles?
Crow: Waffles.

> chaos. Piraneh Man was destroying all swat-bots
>in sight. He did this by shooting energy balls at the swat-bots. Robotnick
was
>watching from a spy-cam hidden in an alley. He was furious at this turn of
>events.

Tom [Effeminate voice]: Well, this is just AWFUL. And after I just finished
redecorating that factory, too.

> Everyone could here Robotnick vent his rage by smashing the nearest
swat-
>bot to him. "Ahhhhhhhh why cant I get him!" He is destroying all my
swat-bots
>rrrrrrr!"

Tom [Robotnik]: So I might as well help him!

> Robotnick was having a fit. But then he got an idea.

Mike [Robotnik]: If I combined nuts and gum into a delicious new snack
food...

> "Why didn't I think of this before," he squealed

Crow [redneck voice]: Like a pig!

> with delight. "Ill
send swat-
>bots to capture the other freedom fighters. Then Piraneh Man will come
right
>into a trap.

Tom [Darkwing Duck]: Oh, where'd you learn that one, the Supervillian
Handbook?

> Haahahahahaha!"
> Then swat-bots were leaded

Crow: You have to wonder if it's economical to be using expensive war bots
as
pencils.

> right to where the freedom-fighters were
>working on the bomb. Piraneh Man was wondering where all the swat-bots were
>going.

Mike: You've just been roboticized and forced into an endless life of
servitude.
What are you going to do next?
Tom [SWATbot]: I AM GOING TO DISNEYLAND.

> It was when he heard screams coming from where the freedom fighters
>were.
> "Oh no!," he shouted.

Tom [Piranha Man]: They caught Norman! I knew I shouldn't have left him!
Mike: Enough about Norman, already.

> "The freedom fighters!"

Tom: Also known as "the useless people".

> He quickly flew to the factory and totally decimated the door. He
walked in
>only to find everyone in

Crow: G-strings!
Mike: Crow, do you really want to see Robotnik in a g-string?
Crow: Augh... thank you very much, Mike. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going
to
hurl. [makes retching noises]

> portable roboticizers.
> "Nooooooo!," he shouted. "Robotnickkkkkkkk!"

Tom: Stellllaaaaa!

> Robotnick stepped out of the shadows and said, "Haaaahahaha I have
your
>friends Piraneh Man. I will trade, you for your friends.

Tom: Hey, Noah, you dropped this! [holds up a "]

> "Alright, you win," he said with a saddened face.
> In spite of what mint happen, his friends all shouted, "No, don't do
it; think of
>what he could do with you with your power."

Crow: You can almost feel the lack of tension.

> "I am to do things for others, so I will honor their request," he said
in his best
>voice.

Tom: Argh! Can't... parse... sentence... Grammar... sequencers... failing...

> "Very well," Robotnick replied. "Swat-bots, turn on the roboticizers."
> The roboticizers were turned on and started to hum.

Mike: Didn't they know the words?
Tom: Don't make me hurt you, Nelson.

> Piraneh Man would
not
>watch this. Instead he charged the roboticizers and smashed all the glass.
>He only rescued Sally,Tails, and Sonic; the rest were robticized.

Crow: See? I was right!

> Piraneh Man screamed, "One day you'll lose Robotnick."
> He left Robotnick in a fit of rage, stomping his feet and smashing
swat-bots.
>Piraneh Man returned back to Knothole with a heavy heart.

Mike: "Returned back"? Ugh.
Tom: Quiet. The next sentence is commencing to start.

> Four freedom
>fighters were lost in that battle. Looking on his back he saw Sally,Tails,
and
>Sonic,

Mike: How did he manage to fit all three of them on his back?

> and he was glad he at least had saved them. Still he wished he
could
>have saved everyone. His friends would be surprised to wake up in Knothole
for
>they were unconciese. He touched down in the center of Knothole and carried
>each of the freedom fighters to their huts. After, he turned back into
Foxfire and
>went to his hut to take a shower.

Tom: Notice how he keeps taking showers? Typical obsessive-compulsive
behaviour.
Mike: Either that, or he's just really clean.

> There were many questions at what
happened
>in Robotropolis, but Foxfire would not answer them. He knew if he told
people,
>some would curse him for losing people,

Tom: Him? Why would they curse him? He's NOT the leader, SALLY is. [begins
to shake]
Why does HE have all this responsibility, anyway? HE'S NOT EVEN A CANONICAL
CHARACTER! [head explodes]
Mike: Tom! Tommy, you okay?
Tom [dazed]: French toast, please.
[Mike reaches under his seat and pulls out a new bubble, which he screws on
to
Tom's cylinder.]

> but others such as Sally,Tails, and
>Sonic only could thank him for saving them. He was glad but people knew
>some time or later when they found that person missing.

Crow: Their underwear. Hey, Mike, I need to go do some stuff for a minute.
Want me to get you anything?
Mike: Do we have any of that cherry cola left?
Crow: I don't think so.
Mike: Oh, well, thanks anyway,

[Crow exits the theater.]

> This made his
heart
>sink very low. He knew what he would do next mission. The next day, there
>was another mission to Robotropolis. This time to acquire some parts for
the
>building of the deroboticizer.

Tom: Standard Freedom Fighter assault, type 6.

> Once inside of Robotropolis Foxfire (in
Piraneh
>Man form) slipped off to the control center to do something that was not
>assigned to him. He slipped in right behind Snively and Robotnick.
> He said to them, "Isn't it a beautiful day."

> They both turned around to see a very mad person.

Tom [Piranha Man]: I'm about to open up a can of old-style Kentucky
whoopass!

> Back in the alley the freedom fighters were wondering where Piraneh
Man
>was.
> It was only then when they heard Robotnick scream over the mike,

Mike [holding his ears]: AH! Don't do that!

> "All
swat-
>bots to command center!"
> By that time they knew Piraneh Man was in the command center. They all
>had to quietly sneak in because of all the swat-bots around.

Mike [British voice]: How not to be seen.

> Back in the
>command center Piraneh Man had sealed all the doors so no one could get in
or
>out. He had Robotnick by the throat and Snively had feinted.

Tom: Snively *IS* Zorro!

[Crow enters the theater.]

Crow: What did I miss? [takes his seat]
Tom: Nothing, just like the rest of this story

> The freedom
>fighters were right over the command center in a vent. Sonic cut a hole
right in
>the vent so they could get in. The freedom fighter team dropped to the
floor to
>see Piraneh Man with Robotnick in his hands.

Crow: I never knew Robotnik went that way.
Mike: Crow...

> Piraneh Man knew they were
>here but ignored them.
> "Robotnick," Piraneh Man said. "You have destroyed this planet and all
of its
>beauty, and now it is your turn to be destroyed!"

Tom: Jackie Chan-style dialogue. Gotta love it.

> Piraneh Man took Robotnick and punched him to knock him out.
>He turned to the freedom fighters and said, "Leave I must do this alone."

Tom [Piranha Man]: For I am...
Crow: Dun dun dun DUN.
Tom [Piranha Man]: ANNOYING MAN!

> "We won't leave,"they protested.
> Piraneh Man replied, "Then I have no choice but to do this."
> He shot out energy which enveloped the freedom fighters and took them
out

Crow: Oh dear, he killed them all. [stands] Well, that was fun. Let's go.
Mike: Sit down, impatient one.

>of the city screaming. He turned to Robotnick which was laying on the floor
and
>shook his head, "Pure evil ."

Tom: OH NO! MARISSA! RUN AWAY!

[Tom and Crow run around aimlessly.]

Mike: He meant Robotnik, guys.
Crow: Uh...
Tom: I knew that.

[The bots take their seats.]

> Piraneh Man took both hands and raised them in the air. An energy bolt
went
>up and took all roboticized citizens out of Robotropolis. Then a second
bolt went
>up and created a massive explosion that enveloped the city and destroyed
it.

Tom [Piranha Man/Urkel]: Did I do that?

>The freedom fighters had watched in horror as they saw the tragic event.
They
>thought he was dead and so returned to Knothole to tell the bad

Crow [same time as the last word]: Good.

> news. But
they
>were wrong, under about one ton of rock Piraneh Man was sitting crouched in
>an energy field gasping, "I have freed Mobius from Robotnick, now to find a
way
>out. I know! I could dig my way out,"

Tom: Quite a wordy gasp.

> He shouted with joy.
> Piraneh Man dug his way down and then back up onto the surface. He
>popped out of the hole gasping for air.

Tom [Lloyd Bridges]: By this time my lungs were aching for air.
Mike: Cute, Tom.

> "I made it!," He shouted with joy.
> Piraneh Man transformed back into Foxfire

Tom [singing]: Transformers. More than meets the eye.

> and started walking back to
>Knothole. At that moment Sonic was recalling the event to all of Knothole
and
>when he came to the part about sacrificing himself for their freedom all
the
>people who had cursed him hung their heads in shame.
> Sally came up by Sonic and said,"Yes my friends, it is true Foxfire is
dead.

Mike: And there was much rejoicing.
Bots [dully]: Yay.

>
He
>gave his life for our freedom so we can enjoy the rest of our lives without
fear."
> At that moment Foxfire popped up onto the stage and said, "Whats this
about
>me being dead. Its kind of embarrassing walking around dead and not knowing
>it." When he had finished all the peoples' mouths stood open.

All: Duh...

> Foxfire broke
this
>silence by saying, "Im back and better than ever!"
> Then everyone leapt up on the stage and

Crow: Tore him limb from limb.
Mike: And there was much rejoicing.
Bots [dully]: Yay.

> held their savior high and
Piraneh
>Man said,"To a free Mobius!"
> All the people responded by saying,

Bots: Bite us!

> "To a free Mobius!
>
THE END
>
>
>
>
>
>

Tom [William Shatner]: Whitespace... the final... frontier...

>
>
>
>
>
>
>

Mike: That's it, let's get out of here!

[o, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, Dog Bone]

[Bridge of the SoL. There's a big, glass cylinder in the middle of the
floor,
like the one Crow was in at the end of MST3K: The Movie.]

Tom: The hell?
Crow: Behold, my greatest triumph!
Mike: Crow, is this what you were doing when you left the theater?
Crow: You got it. Here, get inside.
Mike: What's it do?
Crow: It's... well, it's a... relaxation tube. Yeah, a relaxation tube.
That's
it. Go on, get inside.
Mike: Servo, do you know anything about this?
Tom: Not a thing, Mike.
Mike: I don't know about this...
Crow: Are you saying you don't trust me, Mike? I'm offended! We've been
through
so much together, and you're still so suspicious!
Mike: All right, Crow, all right. [gets in the tube.]
Crow: Here we go. Initiating metamorphosis. [pushes a button on the attached
control panel.]
Mike [muffled]: Metamorphosis?!?

[Smoke fills the tube and a high-pitched whine is emitted.]

Tom: What's going on?
Crow: You'll see.

[The tube rises. As the smoke dissipates, we see that Mike is no longer
there. In
his place, there stands an anthropomorphic fox dressed in Mike's jumpsuit.]

Fox: Crow, what did you do to me?!
Tom: M-mike? Is that you?
Fox: Of course it's me, Servo!
Tom: Mike, believe me, I had nothing to do with this.
Crow: Come on, Mike, don't you agree this is much better?
Mike: No, I don't! Crow, change me back NOW!
Crow: Well, you see, Mike... I, uh, can't.
Mike: YOU CAN'T?
Crow: I only designed the machine to transform one-way. Don't worry, you'll
get
used to it.
Mike: I don't WANT to get used to it, I want you to find a way to change me
back!
Tom [aside to Crow]: Well, I'm not going to clean up after him.
Mike: SERVO!

[Mads' signal thingy.]

Mike: I'll deal with you two in a minute. [pushes the button.]

[WMoD]

Pearl: What the... All right, who are you and what did you do with Nelson?

[SoL]

Mike: I AM me, Mrs. Forrester. Crow somehow turned me into a fox.

[WMoD]

Bobo: Nice fur. A vast improvement, to be sure.
Pearl: Shut up, Bobo. [to the screen] Fascinating. It appears that Pinbeak
has some potential for evil after all.

[SoL]

Mike [bitterly]: You can say that again.

[WMoD]

Pearl: Well, since you all seem to be fine, other than the obvious, of
course, I'll leave you to whatever you were doing. Don't shed on
the floor too much, Nelson. Dog hair is murder to clean up.

[Fade out.]

Mike [v.o.]: I'll get you for this, Crow.

[Credits and closing theme.]

******************

Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters and situations
are trademarks of and (c) 1998 by Best Brains, Inc. All rights reserved.

Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment
purposes only; no infringement on any original copyrights or trademarks
is intended or should be inferred.

Original fanfic by Noah Keen, and can be found at:

http://www.northernnet.com/lhwoods/sacrific.txt

Note that this is NOT intended to be a personal attack on the author, think
of it as
vitriolic C&C.

Tom [humming theme from LA Law]
Mike: Tom, don't riff the disclaimer.

******************

>"Not at all. Just like Robotnick I to need a boot licker." the dark
>echidna chuckled.

Damien Karolev - hac...@polarcom.com