[MSTing] Blood and Metal (Part 5a of 9)

[Shay_...@letterbox.com]

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< - - - - - - - - - - Designed for a 78-letter line size - - - - - - - - - - >
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"Blood and Metal", by David Gonterman
MSTing by Shay Caron (Shay_...@letterbox.com)
Part 5a of 9

[ INT SOL. Mike is examining a large machine vaguely resembling an Apple ][.
Crow and Tom look on. ]

TOM: Since when are you such a mechanical expert?
MIKE: I took a Sally Struthers correspondence course. Hammer?
CROW: Hammer... hammer... [ Crow reaches over, grabs Tom by the head, and
hands him to Mike. ] Here ya go.
MIKE: Thanks. [ Mike pounds at the machine for a moment and then notices
Tom. ] Ack! [ drops Tom ]
TOM: Ouch!
CROW: Hee hee.
MIKE: Very funny, Crow. [ tinkers some more ] Wrench?
[ Without a word, Tom grabs Crow's arm with his mouth, wrenches it off, and
gives it to Mike. ]
CROW: Yeow!
MIKE: Thanks. [ twists a screw ] Aack! [ drops Crow's arm ]
TOM: Hee hee.
MIKE: OK, guys, just stop it.
TOM: So what *is* this?!
MIKE: Well, I've been thinking about Davey C down there. Sounds like he's
going to try to take over the universe.
CROW: So?
MIKE: So we've got to stop him before he starts, and this machine will do just
that.
TOM: And you built this all on your own?
MIKE: Well, the nanites helped a little. They made the actual parts using
molecules from around the ship.
[ Crow suddenly falls down behind the counter with a CRACK sound. ]
CROW: Like from the floor, for example?
MIKE: Well, yeah.
TOM: So what's it do?
MIKE: First of all, it prevents--
[ The Movie Sign alarms go off. ]
ALL: DAVEY SIGN!!
MIKE: Darn it.

[ 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... ]
[ Everyone enters the theater. ]

> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
> Page 11
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------

MIKE: Nowhere near heaven.
TOM: How long're ya gonna keep that up?
MIKE: As long as I can keep finding rhymes.

>
> Davey was somewhat disappointed when he saw that his hut appeared to be
> near completion.

TOM: [ Davey ] I wanna keep staying in Sonia's hut.
CROW: Suni.
TOM: Whatever.

> He really wanted to help in the construction. "Hey, my
> friend,"

CROW: Oh, and there's Davey too.

> Cadmen Coon

ALL: [ snicker ]
MIKE: Ah yes, David Gonterman, Lord of Freaky Weird Names.
TOM: Well, what do you expect from a "Gonterman"?

> said from the roof.

CROW: So is he a raccoon or a dog?
TOM: Huh?
CROW: "Roof".
MIKE: Oh.

> "It's no problem for us. You've
> been doin' more with your built-in 24-hour Internet Access than anything we
> can hack out by hand."

TOM: Of course, log-on time is horrendous!

> "Yeah," Bear added, who just leapt down from above, landing behind
> Davey. "Even with help."

CROW: [ Bear ] Boo.

> "YIIIIIIIII!!!!"

ALL: WAAAAAAAAAUGH!!
CROW: I didn't mean it!
MIKE: Geez, Davey, calm down!

> Davey jumped straight up ten feet.

TOM: Yeah, three inches at a time.

> "My oh my, David.
> You're kinda jumpy today. I've never expected you to have 'outsider moods'

CROW: He's in the outsider mood.

> this soon."
> Davey paused for breath.

TOM: [ loud gasping ]

> "Sorry, Bear. I'm just not used to working

[ pause ]
CROW: Oh, there's, ah, no period.

> with a team. I must confess to being a loner of sorts."

MIKE: [ Davey ] People scream and run when they see me approaching.

> "'Team?' Why Davey, the way these people welcome folks, you'll end up

TOM: [ Bear ] Dead within days!

> thinking they're family in a month. Where's Bunnie?"

CROW: Oh, she went to go kill her parents for screwing up royally naming her.

> "Good news, Bear," Mighty said. "The test on her was successful. She
> was at Rotor's when I went by . . ."
> "Successful? You mean?"

TOM: [ Mighty ] Yeah, I'm not sure either.

> "Come with me, son."
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------

MIKE: Oh my god! This fanfic's a flatliner!

>
> As Davey and Bear walked to Rotor's hut, they talked at length about
> Davey's social life on Earth.

BOTS: Or lack thereof.

> Or rather, the lack of one.

BOTS: Hey!

> "It seemed that
> I have been but

CROW: Yeah, he's been butt all right.

> on that mudball to piss of as many people as possible.

MIKE: Umm...
TOM: Hm.

> Sooner or later, I'll say something or do something that will offend
> somebody.

MIKE: It's like he's saying this for our benefit.

> I'm sure hat

MIKE: [ Davey ] Yes, my hat is very confident in itself.

> I'll get some of you Mobians mad at me eventually."
> "Well, piss off the right people; the

ALL: MSTies!!

> bad guys."

TOM: Same diff.

> "Yeah, that sounds like a good idea, here. However, on my home world,

MIKE: [ Davey ] We consume mass quantities of peanut butter.
CROW: [ Davey ] Anyone different is shot.
TOM: [ Davey ] Socks are plentiful the world over!

> I keep trying to keep myself from losing what few friends I had.
> Unfortunately, that means keeping to myself, like

MIKE: Michael Jackson!
TOM: John Vandermeulen!
CROW: Who?

> those bears you've named
> after."
> "True. But in my years,

CROW: There are numbers.

> and believe me, they are plenty,

TOM: [ Bear ] Yep, I'm an old fart and I'm proud!

> I found out
> that even bears need other people every now and then, otherwise they just go

MIKE: [ Bear ] Slaughter a city or two.

> nuts. These are good people, these Freedom Fighters, and you are a

BOTS: Geek!

> much
> better person than you give yourself credit for.

TOM: Well, he'd have to be!

> They will become your
> family, David, if you would open up

MIKE: Ow! That'd be painful!

> and let them. I think you know that
> already, by what you're doing to Sonia."

ALL: EEEEEEWWW!!!

> "Hmm. I suppose."

TOM: 3x plus 7 could be equal to 6x minus 10!

> Bear put his paw on Davey's shoulder.

CROW: And attached it with a staple gun.
MIKE: <kachunk>

> "If you ever need someone to
> talk to, don't be afraid

MIKE: [ Bear ] To zark off!

> to see me, okay?" The two stopped by Rotor's hut.
> "Thanks, Bear."
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------

CROW: Really boring paper dolls/stick figures.

>
> From a distance, Bunnie Buns,

CROW: Ack!
MIKE: Gag!
TOM: Barf!

> a.k.a. Bunnie Rabbot,

MIKE: Let's just stick with that, OK?
TOM: Please?

> looked as if she
> was never been roboticized,

CROW: [ laughing ] "Was never been roboticized"?!

> but as you looked real close,

CROW: [ laughing harder ] "As you looked real close"?!

> you will see the

CROW: [ nearly in hysterics ] "As you looked, you will see"??
TOM: [ megaphone ] This is the Grammar Police! We have your web site
surrounded! Come out with your word processor up! Resistance is really
irritating!

> hinges and pivot rings that are the tell-tale signs of

CROW: [ mostly recovered ] Years of bondage.
MIKE: Crow...

> roboticization, only

TOM: Painted purple!

> a lot more subtle.

MIKE, TOM: Unlike Crow!
CROW: Hey.

> She was frozen in a position where she was

CROW: Er... I think I'll just let that one slide.

> taking her
> pulse in her roboticized arm.

MIKE: Do robots have pulses?
CROW: I dunno. [ He holds out his arm. ]
MIKE: [ He takes Crow's arm. ] Hmm, nothing.
TOM: What about me?
MIKE: Er, how do you take the pulse of a spring?

> Her copiously crying eyes just stare blankly.

[ all in a monotone, quickly, one after another: ]
MIKE: I like melons.
CROW: Cheese is good.
TOM: String tastes funny.
MIKE: Hooray for socks.
TOM: I can do the splits.
CROW: Frogs smell bad.

> "She just found her pulse and froze like that," Rotor tried to explain
> while shaking

TOM: His booty.
CROW: [ pirate ] Arr arr arr!

> her. "I can't seem to wake her up."
> Bear and Davey glanced at each other.

BOTS: [ Bear, Davey ] What a moron.

> "She must be in shock."

MIKE: <bzzzzzzt>
TOM: [ babbles ]

> "Yeah,
> or by what I call it,

TOM: Syntho-Flavo-Shock!
MIKE: Don't forget the Five.
TOM: Oh, silly me.

> 'Systems Lock-Up.'" "You say that as if we can just
> re-boot her and she'll be fine."

CROW: Ooh, pick me! I'll boot her!

> "Sure thing, Bear. Here's how:"

CROW: You take two strawberry Pop-Tarts, put them in a toaster, get a heavy
glove...

> Davey grabbed an empty bucket, filled it up with water, and threw it at
> Bunnie. Splash!

MIKE: Clang!
TOM: Splat!
CROW: Crunch!
TOM: Kaboom!
CROW: Whack!
MIKE: Thunk!
CROW: <fart>
MIKE: Crow!!

> "Aaachk! Sppputtt! H-Hey! What the hoo-hah!?! Oooooh, Ah'm all wet!
> How'd ah . . . "
> "Bunnie, you're back."
> "What do ya mean, Ro--" She pointed with her left arm.

CROW: With her middle finger on that arm.

> "Oh, ah
> must've found mah pulse on this arm and . . .

MIKE: [ announcer voice ] Bunnie Rabbot has her thumb on the pulse of--well,
her arm. What'd you think?
CROW: I think Davey has some sort of blood fetish.
MIKE: Crow...

> ah must've drifted a mile
> away, Sugar."

TOM: That's "Sugah".
CROW: Tom, shut up.

> "I take it you couldn't find your pulse in that arm for quite a while,
> didn't you, Bunnie?"

MIKE: [ ominously ] Her arm fell asleep one day and *never* *woke* *up*.
CROW: Sounds like a tale someone's mother would tell.

> "Why sho', Davey Dear. It's been three years since Ah got chuck int'
> th' Roboticizer.

CROW: [ Bunnie ] An' let me tell ya, Chuck sure did squirm!

> Sonic shut that durn thang

ALL: [ singing ] Shake yer groove thang, shake yer groove thang, yeah yeah!

> off mid-way. Oh mah stars, if
> not for these small grooves, Ah'd think ah was

TOM: Elvis!

> cured!"
> "Why don't ya just say that you are

TOM: Elvis!

> cured, Bunnie?

MIKE: [ Bunnie ] Um, because I'm not?
CROW: David Gonterman. The Lord of Fanfic Self-Insertion, Angst, and Denial.

> That bio-genetic
> limbs you've got now is identical in nature to the body you were born with."

CROW: Except for the DSS remote surgically attached to your armpit.

> "Are you thinking what Ah'm thinking, Davey Dear?"

MIKE: [ Pinky ] I think so, Bunnie, but... well, Bill Clinton and Katie
Couric? It just wouldn't work out.

> "We show your new bod to th' public

MIKE: That has *got* to be illegal.

> next time we fight the Badniks."
> "And when Snivley looks at littl' ol' me and finds out about all this."

TOM: Shouldn't that be an ellipsis?
MIKE: Tom, we're 11 "pages" into the story. Why start now?

> She struck a pose.

TOM: Rabbit of the Apocalypse?
MIKE, CROW: Huh?
TOM: I dunno. It just came to me.

> "The Quicktime Video of that pusbag crapping his pants

TOM: Ewww!
MIKE: Eeegh!
CROW: Davey, keep your fantasies to yourself!
MIKE: CROW!!

> will be as
> priceless as the Simpson murder cartoon!"
> "Ooooooo, Davey Dear, you can be a devil at times!"

TOM: More like *the* Devil.
CROW: Well, he's no Ned Flanders.

> Davey smiles mischievously with a chuckle that will strike fear in that
> ersatz despot mentioned.

CROW: Vocab word! Vocab word!

>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
> Page 12
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------

MIKE: Um... well... er... for content we delve.
CROW: You're really reaching.
MIKE: Who asked you?

>
> Red on Black

TOM: Jay and Kay?

> eyes stare at countless monitors.

CROW: Oh, come on. One, two, three. There, was that so hard?
MIKE: Well, it did take Capcom years to get to three from two.

> A chubby finger points at a fox figure climbing debris.

TOM: [ owner of said finger ] I want him for my next husband.

> "Snivley, is this the one you've been telling me about?"
> "Yes, Doctor,

MIKE: Animals vill be bred und slaughtered!
CROW: Actually, I wouldn't put that past this guy.

> he's Davey Crockett, the newest Freedom Fighter who's
> causing such a ruckus as of late."
> "Hmmm, Interesting.

CROW: [ Mindy ] Why?

> I've read his file. . .his cunning and
> resourcefulness matches my own.

TOM: Grammar flame! The singular verb doesn't match the plural subject!

> Davey steps into a spotlight.

MIKE: Buck Sidebroth!
CROW: Punt Steakbeef!
TOM: Crunch Slabaroni!
MIKE: Bolt Blastgroin!
CROW: Big Brickbody!
TOM: Blast Deadman!
MIKE: Crunch Thornbuns!
CROW: Fridge Slamrod!
TOM: Dick Beeflift!

> "Stop the presses!

MIKE: Or else!

> His arm! And those eyes!

TOM: Your eyes are like limpid pools of blood.

> And this record of his!

CROW: [ Neptune Man ] Hey, Davey has my record! Give it back!

> . . . He the mirror image of myself, in a way.

TOM: [ Robotnik? ] He have got grammar crappier than I!

> I like him already!

MIKE: [ Robotnik? ] Well, except for the fact that he destroys all of my
robots. Other than that, he's really neat!

> Hahahahaha!"

MIKE: No, no, no, it's "Bwah-hahahahaha!"

> As Robotnik laughed, silvery liquid seeped from his left roboticized
> arm.

ALL: Ewwwy!
MIKE: Ivo's infected!
TOM: Pus! Yuck!

> Packbell quickly

TOM: Became nauseous.

> placed a pan underneath the drip.

CROW: [ Robotnik ] Hey, how'd Davey get in *here*?!

> Robotnik leaned forward. "So, Davey Crockett, Mr. King of the Cyber
> Frontier--heh-heh.

CROW: [ Beavis ] Heh-heh-heh, he said "frontier".
TOM: [ Butthead ] Huh-huh-huh, he said "lean", too.
CROW: [ Beavis ] Heh-heh-heh, lean to. Heh-heh-heh.

> What have you been doing lately?"

MIKE: The tango!

> "HE'S BEEN DOIN' THIS, ROBUTTNIK!!"

ALL: We don't want to know.

> "Gazooks!!!!"

CROW: The wish-granting green man?
TOM: Gazooks shmazooks.

> "It's Bunnie!" "Her arm!!!"

MIKE: It's-- all together now:
ALL: Green and moldy!!
TOM: Man, we just take a joke and stretch it until it snaps!
<SNAP!!>
MIKE: Aaugh!
CROW: There goes the arm joke.

> All three gasped as Bunnie Buns

ALL: [ shout out "No" repeatedly ]

> jumped into the camera as she pumped
> her formerly roboticized left arm

TOM: What, now it's real again?
MIKE: No, but "Davey-kins" can't tell the difference.

> over her right in an two-armed obscene
> gesture.

MIKE: Oddly enough, she was facing Davey.
CROW: I wouldn't call that "odd".

> Five seconds later, the monitor flashed blue,

TOM: Courtesy of the Amazing Rando!

> then cut to white
> noise.

CROW: Green Jelly is cooler, though.

> The "'Hedgehog--Priority One' when lit" lamp

ALL: [ snicker ]
MIKE: Throwing objects at the lamp will *not* get you more Hedgehog--Priority
One!
TOM: Aaugh, we got Hedgehog--Priority One sign!

> flashed loudly.

CROW: Here we go again with the "light makes noise".

>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> "PREPARE TO BE ASSIMILATED! RESISTANCE WILL BE FUTILE!"

CROW: I am Intel of Borg. Prepare to be assimilated. Running integration
process... *bzzt* Division by zero error. Operation aborted.
MIKE: Ich bin Fritz von Borg. Widerstand ist zwecklos!
TOM: I am Q of Borg. Now you're *really* in trouble!

> Davey shouted
> his battle cry

ALL: [ Sailor Moon ] Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!

> as he leapt into the fray, with a blazing rifle in each arm.
> "Wow-whee, Big Daddy!"

CROW: Eeeyuck.

> Bunnie cheered as her limbs morphed from skin to
> metal. "Show me that there mean streak of yars, sugah!!"

CROW: I'm starting to get scared, Mike.
MIKE: Don't worry. We'll break soon.

> Sonic bounded in and out of the scene, careening on every Swat he sees.

ALL: Boingy, boingy, boingy!

> "Let's dance rustbuckets, and I don't mean polka!"

MIKE: [ imitates accordion ]
BOTS: No! NO! *NOO*!!

> "In fact," Sally sprang up to slingshot a paint pellet into a bot's
> eye,

CROW: Oh, my eye!
TOM: Oh, my... dome.

> "I believe that Davey here has some appropriate music for this ball.

MIKE: Beethoven?

> A
> little of that metal band you've told me about, please?"

CROW: Bach?

> "A very fine choice, My Princess." Davey pushed some keys.

TOM: Handel?

> The rhythm guitar of the Earth band Metallica

ALL: Nooo!
MIKE: For a "ball"?!
TOM: Ga-a-ag!!
CROW: Give me a break!

> blared from some of the
> Monitor Orbs

MIKE: Hey, there's Cambot!
TOM: He's just popping up in all sorts of fanfics!

> that happened to be floating by.

CROW: Recording three geniuses' comments.
TOM: Well, two, anyway.
MIKE, CROW: Hey!
TOM: Hee hee.

> Sally heard of that band when
> Davey joined in a bonfire,

CROW: [ Beavis ] FIRE!! Heh-heh-heh!
TOM: [ chanting ] Burn him! Burn him!

> and mistook a Mobian folk song for "Nothing Else
> Matters," one of this bands ballads.

MIKE: So she thought a Mobian song was an Earth song.
BOTS: Seems that way.
MIKE: I hate this fanfic.

> The lyrics sung--

MIKE: [ singing ] Don't send in the clowns... don't send in the clowns...
don't send in the clowns...
CROW: [ Zorak ] They always get me down.

> So close, but ever so
> far/Never guess just how from the start/Forever trust in who we are/And
> nothing else matters--were quite haunting.

BOTS: [ ghost noises ] OooooOOOOOOoooooo....

> This song being played now was
> about war's effect on the environment

MIKE: To sum up the arguments: "not good".

> and was entitled, "Blackened." She
> would've liked that song despite the guitars sounding like a swarm of killer
> bees

CROW: Well, guys, we better get buzy!
BOTS: Hee hee...

> and vocals that can melt tofu.

ALL: [ singing ] Killer Tofu-u-u!!

> Unfortunately, she couldn't hear the
> words over the sound of robot heads exploding.

MIKE: No, Tom!

> "Okay, Sonic. I've just got info-dumped

TOM: Ewww...

> that we've got Robotnik's
> attention. Go to Act Two."

CROW: Level One, Act Two: Green Hill Zone.
TOM: FANBOY!

> Sonic broke away, Tails follows. The other four paired up: Sally with
> Bunnie and Davey with Antoine.

CROW: Shouldn't it be male/female pairs?
MIKE: Crow...
CROW: Finish your sentences.
TOM: And then they meet up with Jonathan Brisby IV!
MIKE, CROW: Nooooooooo!!

>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------

CROW: [ Beavis ] Heh-heh-heh... it's a stick. Heh-heh-heh.

>
> An extendable robotic arm darts in and out, knocking out badniks one by
> one. It grabs hold of the last one.

ALL: Crunch!

> "Git ovah heah!!"

TOM: Stereotypical accent attack!
MIKE: Women, small children, and temps first!
BOTS: Hey!

> Bunnie yanks that last bot in close,

CROW: [ bot ] Oh yeah... ohhh yeah...

> right into a bionic dropkick.

CROW: [ bot ] D'oh.

> "Something Ah picked up from Davey, Sally Girl."

TOM: [ Bunnie ] The measles. Want some?

> She looks at the
> robot head she's still holding, which has been removed from the body

MIKE: What, does Davey think we're too stupid to figure that out on our own?

> and
> dripping oil. "Ewww, gross, Ah didn't wanna pick up the 'oil effects.'

CROW: A new Photoshop filter.

> Hey, check this out, Princess. This heah's

TOM: What's a "heah"?

> a new model."

MIKE: It's a new model, I guess.

> "You're right, Bunnie.

CROW: [ Sally ] That's the most new model heah I've ever seen.

> I was wondering what Snivley's been doing
> lately. He was

MIKE: Stuck on the 17th level of Crash Bandicoot 2.

> designing new badniks."

MIKE: Well, yeah, after he got tired of getting stung by the bees.

> As if to prove her point,

MIKE: Snively threw his Playstation out the window.

> another Swat appeared; this one with heat
> laser for one arm.

CROW: And for the other arm, a waffle iron.

> A paint pellet caused that laser to overload, setting
> the bot on fire.

MIKE: Oh, yeah, one pellet blows a bot to bits.
CROW: So Robotnik ends up being defeated by a game of paintball?
TOM: It takes more than paint to defeat me!

> The two ladies has to get 25 meters between themselves
> from this robot torch

BOTS: Huh?
MIKE: At this point, the proofreader throws up his or her hands and says,
"That's it, I give up."

> before the fuel systems ignite, exploding the bot in a
> fireball.

CROW: [ shouting ] Ha-do-ken!!

> Suddenly, a dark shadow passed above them. They looked up. And
> gasped.

TOM: And fragmented their sentences.
MIKE: And forgot to use nouns.

> "Oh mah stars, Sally. You weren't kidding."

CROW: [ Sally ] I wasn't?

>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Dave zigged when he should've zagged, and that ran him right into an
> alley of--

MIKE: Jello!
TOM: Dirt!
CROW: Intestines!

> "Worker Bots!!

ALL: Oh.

> Crud!"
> Over a hundred robot cats, dogs, foxes, rabbits, and other fauna said
> in unison,

TOM: SLEEEEEP!

> "SURRENDER FREEDOM FIGHTER ON ORDER FROM ROBOTNIK," and advanced
> like zombies.

MIKE: [ holds his arms out zombie-like ]

> Antoine yelped in fright.

TOM: Yipe yipe yipe yipeyipeyipe...

> "You cannot deztroy theez, Misu Crockett!"

CROW: Did he just say "Miss Crockett"?

> Davey backed his partner back into the street. "Maybe I don't have to,
> Ant.

MIKE: [ Davey ] I'll just chop off their heads and--no, wait.

> Time to break out the EMP mode."

MIKE: Elephants Mash Plants!
TOM: Eat My Pants!
CROW: Every Man Poopies!
TOM: Ewww!

> Davey switched rifles to phasers,

CROW: To squirt guns!

> setting each to Electromagnetic Pulse.

ALL: Oh.
MIKE: I like "Eat My Pants" better.

> Antoine did the same with his one
> phaser. "This is a great opportunity to beta test

TOM: HomeSite 3.0.

> Rotor's idea."
> The two returned to the mecha undead

TOM: And now SLEEEEEP!
MIKE: It's a mecha-undead-load of savings at Menard's!

> and opened fire. Within moments half
> of the crowd fell down stunned,

CROW: It's a fanfic ray!
MIKE: How cruel! Not even robots should be subjected to such torture!
BOTS: "NOT EVEN" ROBOTS?
MIKE: I meant not even *evil* robots.

> the rest took cover behind the fallen ones.
> "It works, mon ami. Zey are down, but zey are not out!"
> Knowing that this wave of bots is kept at bay, the two decided to turn
> and run to their rondeaux point,

TOM: "Rondeaux"?!
MIKE: Maybe it's "rendezvous".

> Uncle Chuck's hidden lab in Robotroplis,
> where Sonic and Tails ran off to. They rounded the corner.

TOM: With a wood rasp?

> And called out to their respective gods.

CROW: Yes?
MIKE: Crow, you're no god.

> Now, if it were a perfect world,

ALL: WE WOULDN'T BE HERE NOW!!!

> Antoine and Davey would ask each other

CROW: Out on a date!

> about who's name they have just used as a part prayer, part cuss word, since

TOM: What?

> they have never heard of the person the other one shouted out loud:

MIKE: I don't get it.

> "Destiny? Who the phrack's Destiny?" "I am wondering just who ees zis
> Jesus Christ person, yes?"

MIKE: Oh.
CROW: "What do you mean by 'Roll Fizzlebeef'?"

> Unfortunately,

ALL: We *are* here now.

> discussions on religion will have
> to wait,

ALL: Woohoo!

> because Davey Crockett and Antoine DeCollette were staring up a
> giant robotic gargoyle,

MIKE: Who quickly kills them. The end.

> twenty feet tall with a thirty feet wingspan.

CROW: Which kills them. The end.

> And
> impervious to Electromagnetic Pulse shots.

TOM: So it kills them, the end.

> "Damn. Where's Xanatos when you need him?" Davey ad-libbed

CROW: Ours are better.

> as he
> grabbed a petrified Antoine and booked.

MIKE: Oh, he's busy beating up Nimnul.
CROW: Waugh!
TOM: Aaack!
MIKE: Sorry.

[ MST3K planet bumper. Commercials ensue. ]

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End of part 5a of 9
Shay Caron (Shay_...@letterbox.com
-or-
glee...@aol.com)
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