[MiSTied] Darkest Days part 8
Claye Hodge
news1.delphi.com!news.delphi.com!uunet!world!news.kei.com!eff!news.umbc.edu!usen
et >From: Fleet Admiral Corbett <sco...@gl.umbc.edu>
TOM: Fleet Admiral?????
ALL: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
>Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative
>Subject: STAR TREK : DARKEST DAYS (8)
CROW: Whoever is doing the promoting, needs a brain transplant.
MIKE: Well, maybe they use a system of every lousy post.. you get promoted.
TOM: That makes sense, then.
>Date: Fri, 4 Nov 1994 16:21:11 -0500
TOM: They're probably using an offline reader to post this.. cause NO one..
I mean NO ONE could write this mess in twenty minutes.
>Organization: University of Maryland, Baltimore County
>Lines: 155
>Message-ID: <Pine.SGI.3.90.941104145450.
MIKE: I thought forty-two was the answer?
> 3529A-...@umbc8.umbc.edu>
>NNTP-Posting-Host: f-umbc8.umbc.edu
>Mime-Version: 1.0
>Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN;
CROW: And boring.
MIKE: We did that one already.
> charset=US-ASCII
>X-Sender: sco...@umbc8.umbc.edu
>
>
>
TOM: Corbett must have taken Padding 101.
> [BEGIN PART VIII]
>
MIKE: Uh huh.
>
>
> CHAPTER ELEVEN
[Crow is whistling.]
>
>
> The bridge filled with the acrid smell of burning flesh and control
CROW: YELCH! Cough cough cough.
>boards.
TOM: To get that hickory smoked flavor everyone loves.
> No one was left at their stations when the sudden jerk of a
>exploding photon torpedo nailed the ship.
MIKE: They were all playing Doom II.
> The smell made some of the
>bridge crew feel sick,
TOM: Are you sure it was the smell, or could it have been this post?
MIKE: They might be talking about the smell of this fanfic.
> and others were blinded by the black smoke that
>was finally being vented. The ship had taken the worst beating in its
>long career in the 'Fleet. Picard was hunched over the command chair,
CROW: Huh?
>Worf was lying unconscious near the turbolift doors, the helmsman and
>navigator were both already dead. The alarms had sounded and the hull
MIKE: Hey! What happened???
TOM: We might have skipped a part.
MIKE: Oh, well don't make a big deal about it, the sooner it's over, the
better.
>snapped in two, floating, drifting endlessly through the rubble of a
>dozen other ships. All hands were lost.
CROW: But luckily, the feet were saved.
> "Captain Picard to the bridge, Captain Picard to the bridge," the
TOM:[moaning.] Goooo Toowarrrrdsss theeee liiiiiiggggghhhhht.....
>voice of Worf came booming over th e loudspeaker in his cabin. Jean-Luc
>Picard sat straight up, half afraid of what he had been dreaming about,
CROW: Oh shucks! It was just a dream sequence.
MIKE: And half afraid of what he had just done in his pants.
>and half afraid of what Worf wanted.
> Two minutes later, Picard walked onto the bridge, a bridge he still
>wasn't ready for, a bridge that he felt wasn't his. He stumbled over to
>Worf,
TOM: Breaking his neck, pelvis, and spine.
> at the communications console, still unsure of the ship and
>himself. He was scared of what he had been thinking of back home, or what
>he used to call home, and what he had become, a tired, old man.
MIKE: Go to bed, old man.
> "Yes, Mr. Worf?" he asked the Klingon. It was almost comical to see
>the large man sitting in a chair made for someone other than himself,
TOM:[fake, cheap laugh.] Ha. Ha. Ha.
>someone half his side, someone most likely gentler than he.
CROW: He wanted a kinder, gentler klingon.
> The Klingon looked up, Picard could almost see the humilation of
>what he was doing and where he was stationed in his face, and replied,
>"Captain Scott informs us that the engines are ready when you are."
> Wow, Picard thought, he said it would take an hour. And how long
>did it take, a half hour, he thought, damn he is good. "Bridge to
MIKE: Too bad he didn't write this fanfic.
>Engineering."
> "Scott here."
> "Mr. Scott, I'm told the engines are almost ready."
> "Aye, sir. One more test an' the' all yours."
> "Let's know when you're ready, Captain Scott." Picard said,
TOM: But I thought I read that it was ready now?
>closing the channel. He moved down around the bright red handrail and
>over to the center seat. Relaxing down into the padded chair,
CROW: I wonder if the padding used for the chair is the same used in this
post?
MIKE: I bet it is.. With the cheap special effects, and considering the
budget was probably a penny... and a broken cigarette.
he crossed
>his legs and spoke to the helmsman,"Helm, what is our current course and
>speed?"
TOM:[Helm] It's the same course and speed as it was when you ordered it.
Duuh!
> "Sir, we are on a heading to Golondin 'Cor, speed full impulse.
>We will reach our systems Oort cloud
MIKE: I thought they were from Earth.
CROW: What is an Oort cloud?
TOM: I don't know.. I'm not sure if I even WANT to know.
> in fifteen minutes." Ensign Topper
>said, facing the Main Viewscreen. He had loved to use the holosuites at
>the Acedemy to fool around with starships of the early periods.
MIKE: That's disgusting.
CROW: This was really poignant.
> But he
>never thought he would actually get the chance to be aboard a ship like
>this, never in a million years. His reference to the systems Oort cloud
>was only that a refence,
MIKE:[muttering.] I hate my job.
> it made no difference of when they could go to warp.
> "Very good, Ensign." Picard said, leaning back in the great
>chair. He swiveled to look at the Bolian at the Science Library station
>to his right. "And you are?..."
TOM: They call me Mr. Tibbs.
> he asked, the Bolian had been watching
>Picard since he stepped foot on the bridge.
MIKE: He and Picard were secretly in love with each other.
> Picard had felt foolish
>having to ask such questions, but he hadn't had time to look over a
>complete crew roster. All he knew was that this ship had four hundred or
CROW:[Picard.] HEY! Where's the other three-hundered and ninety nine crew
men????
>so regular crew when they used to on duty, but for this mission the
>Exeter would carry less than two hundred and fifty personnel.
TOM: The rest are janitors.
> " Ensign Yalla, Sir!" the bald-headed Bolian said, sitting
CROW: Are you going to fight, or are ya yella'???
>straight up at his station. He was obviously a green cadet, never having
>served on a starship before. A green bolian, a green bluey, Picard
>thought, almost chuckling aloud.
MIKE:[effortless laugh.] Ha ha. That's funny. Ho ho. I am SO amused.
[Tom laughs at Mike's joke.]
> "At ease, Ensign," Picard said, hearing Worf make a little
>snickering sound behind him. He swiveled to look at the Klingon, at the
TOM: And realized Worf wasn't snickering, he had done something else.
CROW:[Picard.] OK. Who's stinker?
>moment the comm link to Engineering clicked back on.
> "Engineering to the Bridge," Scott said.
> Picard punched the little red button on the right hand console of
>the chair,"Bridge here, go ahead."
CROW:[Picard.] Hello? Hello??? Helloooo????
MIKE:[Narrator.] Captain Picard then realized, he broke the button on the
console.
> "Warp engines are ready, sir."
> "A true miracle worker, Mr. Scott" Picard said, remembering the
>records he had read about Montegomery Scott and his former Captains'
>nickname for the Scot.
> "We're ready for warp speed when you are Captain Kirk...uh..uh..
>..AH mean, Captain Picard." Scottie said, stumbling over his words, his
>mistakes,
TOM: BOY this fanfic is full of mistakes.
> his still grieving heart. He knew he had lost more than a ship,
>more than a starship captain, but also a friend for the second time.
> "That's quite alright Mr. Scott." Picard said, truly meaning it.
MIKE:[Picard] I too, am considering to wear a toupe'.
> "Oh, and Captain, call me 'Scottie'. Tha' what Ah like." his
TOM: Call me Ishmael.
>accent getting thick and hard to understand, like it always did when he
>was pain.
CROW: He is pain???
[Mike sighs.]
TOM: Typo.
> "Okay, Scottie. Picard Out." he said, turning back to the
>viewscreen, seeing only stars out there,
TOM: Has he considered contacts?
> but feeling more grief for the
>greatest starship captain that died a cruel, and unjust death only a
>month before. A death he could feel hurt Scottie as much as the death of
>his family had hurt him, only that Scottie would have to feel it for the
>second time.
MIKE: Ow, what a burn!
> "Hold course, helm. Warp Seven."
> "Aye, sir. Ready for warp factor seven." the young redhead said.
CROW: I hope we aren't going to see jokes about this guy.
TOM: Me too.
> Standing up and making a small pointing gesture to the screen,
TOM: Ohhhhh, The trails... the TRAILS!!!!
>something that Worf had seen countless times before.
> "Engage."
>
> *** *** *** *** *** ***
CROW: It's getting longer.
>
> "Well, Will, what are supposed to do? Just wait here?" the Chieg
>Medical Officer of the USS Enforcer said. Dr. Beverly Crusher had been
MIKE: Well.. That's what we've been doing ever since the start of this
fanfic.
>assigned to what ever ship Picard was bringing, so that meant he was
>going to get stuck with whoever Command could spare.
TOM: Which were two secretaries, and a desk clerk.
> Fortunately it was
>someone he knew, Dr. Kate Pulaski. The last time they had spoke was only
CROW: That's SPOKEN or SPOKE TO EACH OTHER! GET IT RIGHT!
MIKE: Are you going to quit making spelling error comments or am I going
to have to program that myself?
CROW: Okay, Okay.
>moments before she left the Enterprise to return to a post at the
>Acemady. She never really liked serving aboard starships anyway, besides
TOM: Use a mirror to read that first word.
MIKE: TOM.
>Bev Crusher was much better at ship medicine than she was.
> "Doctor, we are not waiting for Captain Picard, we are in the
>middle of a serious battle drill, so will you, please, just leave the
>bridge or be quiet until we're finished?"
CROW: Somebody is edgy, today.
> Captain Riker said from the
>center seat of his bridge. My bridge, he thought, I like the sound of
>that...My bridge.
TOM:[sarcastic.] Ohhh.. The great William Riker is going to grace us with
HIS bridge.. Ohhh.. I'm SOOOOO impressed.
> "Why are the damned drilling, we know this is suicide?" she
MIKE: Well of course it's suicide. You see... When they died, they were
judged and sent to that fiery place below.. and for their punishment
they have to drill.
>breathed, leaving the bridge, stomping her way out,"This is the dumbest
>assed thing I've ever let myself get talked into!"
TOM: OOOoooh!!! She said..
MIKE: We know what she said, Tom. You don't have to repeat it.
CROW: Could be worse. You could have got talked into reading this fanfic.
> She knew as well as he
>did, that they didn't get along. But he had no word in the matter, all
>came to him from above.
> Captain William T. Riker didn't have the time to run after a
>doctor to make up, he had a ship to run, and a battle drill to conduct.
TOM: And both are going to heck.
>Damn, he thought turning his attention back to the screen. "Evassive
>manuever : Riker Zeta Tau Six!" he screamed over the klaxons that began
>to sound the closeness of death, a fake death, but still a shakingly real
>expereince he hoped he wouldn't have to go through on this mission.
CROW: I hope it happens, cause it would end the story.
> "Too late, Captain. The Warp Core breached two point three seconds
>before your command. The Enforcer has been destroyed."
CROW: Ah, he messed up. So a quick ending IS hopeful.
> Data said, with
>little unexpected emotion from his helm console.
TOM: Since when did helm consoles show emotion?
> He turned to look at the
>captain of the vessel, his freind for eight years, Will Riker.
> But Will had slumped down into the padds of the center seat.
MIKE: If those seats ARE made with the same padding as in the fanic, he's
probably, VERY comfortable.
> He was
>drifting elsewhere, someplace Data couldn't go, even with his damned
TOM: He was drifting into La La Land.
>emotion chip. Damn, he thought, maybe she's right, Maybe this is crazy.
MIKE: Why not. Everything ELSE here, is crazy.
>Hell, he thought, maybe the Borg are right.
> Maybe Resistance is Futile.
>
>
>
> [END PART VIII]
>
CROW: I wish THESE seats had this padding.. I'm getting instead of bed
sores, SEAT sores.. from sitting here all along this story.
>
> *********************** ************** ***************
TOM: I think Corbett has come to senses.. That's an S.O.S.
CROW: No, Tom... I already told you an S.O.S. would look like this..
********* ****************************** *********
TOM: Oh.
MIKE: Need to look at Twiki, some more?
TOM: No.
MIKE: How about a helping of Extato Euphoro Fun?
CROW: With of course, patented Hinder 90.
TOM: No, I'm fine. I just forgot that Crow told me already.
>
>
> Look for the posting of "Book Two", parts 9 thru 16, on or about
>Nov. 11th. Your feedback may help with the still unknown outcome of this
>'epic' tale.
MIKE: Huh???
>
> E-Mail responces are requested. All will be answered.
CROW: Oh no... Don't tell me this is a usenet's version of "to be
continued".
>
> Thanks.
MIKE: Looks like it.
CROW: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
[Tom's crying.]
>
> Sean Corbett 11/4/94
>
>
TOM:[sobbing.] I..[sniff].. hate you...
>
>
MIKE: There, there Tom.. [Mike pats Tom and then picks him up.] Come on
guys let's get outta h...
[A loud blast is heard. The screen shakes.]
CROW: What was that???
MIKE: I don't know.. Let's find out!
>
>
>
>
[1...2...3...4...5...6...7...]
[SOL]
[The screen is shaking. Lights are flashing on and off. Mike, Tom, and Crow
are stumbling everywhere.]
TOM: What's happening????
MIKE: I don't know! Let's check the Mads!
[Mike taps the Mads light.]
[D13]
[There is a nest in the middle of the floor. Frank, still dazed is in front
of the console. He is pushing several buttons.]
FRANK:[dazed.] I am pushing buttons. [The screen goes blank, then normal,
then blank.]
DR.F: FRANK??? CLUCK What are you CLUCK doing???? [The screen comes back to
normal. Dr. Forrester is standing beside Frank.] DOH! CLUCK CLUCK
CLUCK Would you CLUCK move out of CLUCK the way! CLUCK [Dr.F pushes
Frank off-screen. Dr.F struts back on screen.] Until next CLUCK time.
[Dr.F lowers his head quickly, pushing the button with his nose.
[The screen goes blank.]
DR.F:[off screen] OWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!
[end credits.]
THE END
Mystery Science Theater 3000 and related characters and situations are
trademarks of and (c) 1994 by Best Brains Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Use of copyrighted or trademark material is for entertainment purposes
only. No infringement on original copyrights or trademarks held by Best
Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred. Star Trek: The Next
Generation is a copyright of Paramount Pictures. Star Trek is a
registered trademark of Paramount Pictures. All Rights Reserved. DOOM II
is a trademark of id Software. All Rights Reserved.
directed by Claye Hodge
host segments by Claye Hodge
additional music by Claye Hodge
starship model provided by Micro Machines (TM)
lemur and robot definitions by New Concise Webster's Dictionary
Special Thanks
RATM Posters Everywhere
Teachers of America
mis...@jg.cso.uiuc.edu
edited in shadowamma!
> " Hmph, I can tell him where to put that crap," the Constable
>said from his place on the uppermost level of Ops, Deep Space Nine. He
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
I hope I didn't repost part 6 again.. On ratm.. or atleast on my off line
reader.. It looked like it didn't get posted.. I don't know about atm..
But you can thank D-Lite for that. >:(
Claye Hodge
/--\_________/--\ /--\________/--\
l___l_______l___l l___l______l___l
l l_______l l l l______l l
^---^ ^---^ MST3K Tagline ^---^ ^---^
-------COMMANDO CODY: What about the ray guns?----------
--------CROW: You mean Ron and Nancy?---------
l------l ----
\ \\ll/ (____)
((o o) - CROW T. ROBOT TOM SERVO - l_ l
--0-^^^/\ 00 l
^^^^\---V -====-