NEW MiSTING: The Field Trip [STNG, Marrissa, Ratliff] [PG] [6/8]

[MBlackw415]

> "I've
>just got this long black stuff that I can't do anything with."

Mike: [Marrissa]: That's nose hair, Clara. I didn't want to
mention it before, but you should probably do something
about it.

> "I'm sure we can do some thing," Marrissa said. "Have you
>ever tried braiding your hair?"

Tom: [Marrissa] And if that doesn't work, you can dress like a nun.

> "I don't know how," Clara said.
> "Then when we get back, I'll have to teach you," Marrissa
>said. "Now I believe I asked for some remodeling ideas..."
>

Mike: [Clara] Just take this submarine model, add funny looking
thingies on the sides, and presto - instant "Botany Bay".

>Personal Log
>Marrissa Flores
>First Day on the Planet

Mike: [Marrissa] It seems to be populated by intelligent apes. They'll
make good henchmen, except for that Peanut fellow...

> We've set up in the cave, and got most of the material we
>need to survive from the shuttle.

Tom: [Marrissa] Cotton, rayon, denim, wool, and a few bolts of this
darling burgundy chenise.

> Alexander and I have rigged
>up a network of tricorders that Clara programmed so we can safely
>follow to movements of the enemy.

Tom: "Follow to movements?" What, are they scaring the aliens
with interpretive dance?

> They visited the shuttle late
>last night. They are brutes.

Crow: [Marrissa] Yet, somehow I find them...strangely attractive.

> They stand over two meters in
>height and have an over-muscled bodies black in color.

Crow: Jim Brown?

> As far as
>I can tell, they seem to be nearly identical. The only differing
>feature they have is the colored ribbons in their hair.
>

Mike: [singing] Take the ribbons from your hair...

> They were their eyes to the outdoors.

Mike: What, the ribbons?
Tom: No, I think that the aliens were. That was awfully nice
of them.
Crow: This sentence is running around wild...we'll have to take
it down.

> The displays on the
>PADDs listened to the scrambled and irregular feeds from the
>tricorders Marrissa and Alexander had placed.

Mike: It was some garbled message about Talos IV and Christopher
Pike or something.

> Marrissa kept an
>eye on them, as she fixed lunch. It was mostly cold stuff, but
>she was cooking some soup on some phaser heated rocks.

Crow: Why not just heat the soup directly and skip the middleman?
Tom: It makes for a better visual.
Crow: This is a text file.
Tom: That's a good point, so shut up.

> The views were calm. A breeze was blowing outside, causing
>the tree limbs tow sway gently as their purple leaves showed
>their olive green undersides.

Tom: Foliage courtesy of Mr. Joker of Gotham.

> A small blue bird flew by
>observation four, the closest to the cave.

Mike: Suddenly, "Bambi"!
Crow: The woods are dangerous.... <Zap> AIIIEEEEE!!!!

> Its beak moved in
>song when it landed on a nearby branch. Since no sound was being
>transmitted, Marrissa couldn't hear the bird sing, but in her
>mind she heard in. It was a beautiful song, a series of musical
>chirps which called to the young girl.

Mike: Uh-oh, she's starting to lose it.
Tom: "Kill them all, Marrissa...they're plotting against you,
Marrissa..."

> It was a shame when the trio of aliens scared the bird.

Crow: [bird] @#$* music critics...

> The
>three aliens strode though the clearing, weapons drawn. All of
>them were about the same height, two meters.

Tom: Which comes out to, let's see, 37.4 pounds per square
gallon.
Mike: Still having problems with metric conversion, huh?
Tom: Hey, it's not my fault I was programmed in the imperial
system!

> They were dressed
>in form fitting black armor, with no adornment. Their yellow
>hair was tied back in pigtails.

[All snicker]
Crow: Pippi Longstocking is out for blood!

> One of their faces had paled,
>and another seemed to be having a hard time holding his weapon.

All: EWWWWWW!
Mike: [alien] The viagra! They boobytrapped the viagra!

>They were headed right for the cave. This wasn't good.

Mike: In fact, it was very very not good.

> Plus,
>the soup was boiling over.

Mike: Screw the aliens....we've got a *soup crisis*!
Tom: [Jay] That's odd. Weren't we fixing vichyssoise?

> "Clara, Alex, Jay, Shayna," Marrissa yelled, pulling the
>soup off the rocks. "We've got company coming, Battle stations!"
> Clara, and Alex came in from the entrance.

Mike: Since coming in from the exit would have been impolite and
improper.

> Shayna came from
>the girls room,

Tom: So, I guess that they divided up the girls and boys room,
somehow.
Crow: Did you really need to know how?
Tom: Ummm...no.

> and Jay, rushed up from the bathing chamber,

All: <hide their eyes>

>still putting his shirt on. "Clara, is the barricade finished,"
>Marrissa asked, once the group had assembled, picking up the two
>phaser rifles and three of the phasers.

Crow: [Marrissa] I still wish one of you guys had volunteered to
help me defend the barricade.

> "Just moved it into place," Clara said.
> "Then we better get behind it, because we've got company
>coming.
>

Mike: As previously indicated.
Tom: So, we have company coming?
Mike: Yes.
Tom: Okay, just checking.

>--
>Stephen Ratliff CS Major, Radford University.

Crow: Checking on what?
Tom: That we have company coming.

>srat...@runet.edu Radford, Virginia 24142-7496

Crow: We do?
Tom: That's correct.

>rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc's polite target. Marrissa Stories Author

Mike: What's correct?
Crow: Company's coming.

>http://www.cs.runet.edu/~sratliff/

Mike: Oh. Well, I wish that I knew that earlier, instead of you
guys just springing it on me like that.
Tom: Sorry.
Crow: Yeah, it just kinda happened.

>http://www.cs.runet.edu/~sratliff/FAQs/ FAQ Maintainer for ASC.
>http://www.cs.runet.edu/~sratliff/ascindex/ Index Maintainer too.
>also at: http://archive.nu/
>

Mike: Alt.fan.warlord would be very interested in that .sig.

>"They're not just names. It's important we remember that. We have to
>remember."

Mike: Should we remember?

> - CPT Sisko, DS9 "Siege of AR-558"

Tom: They besieged one rifle? Odd strategy, but whatever floats
your starship.
[The sharp tone of a cellular phone can be heard in the theater.
Mike bends down to look under his chair, and returns with a
small phone.]
Mike: Hello? Uh-huh. Yeah. [He turns towards Tom.] It's
for you Tom.
[Mike holds the phone next to Tom's dome.]
Tom: Yello? Oh, hi! Hey, I'd love to! When? Right now?
No problem! See you in a sec! Hey Mike, hang up the
phone.
Mike: Sure.
Tom: Thanks! Oh, can you lift me up over the air vent?
Mike: Um, I guess so.
[Mike lifts Tom up and places him in the aisle.]
Tom: Great! Be back in a minute!
[Tom exits.]
Mike: Tom?
[The door sequence begins.]
Mike: Tooom!

[6 . . . 5 . . . 4 . . . 3 . . . 2 . . . . 1 . . . ]

[Fade in. The Bridge of the SoL is nowhere in sight.
Instead, we see a white background with images of
brightly colored, floating spoons superimposed upon
it. Bright, if slightly off-beat, theme music plays
in the background. After a moment, a bowl with the
logo "Talk Soup" appears in the upper left of
the screen. Tom Servo spins in from the right.]

Tom: Hi everyone! Welcome back to Talk Soup.
I'm Tom Servo, guest host.
[The words "Tom Servo" appear beneath him. In the
left corner of the screen, the Talk Soup logo has
been replaced with the words 'The View.']
Tom: What do you get when you take a stunning
Greek goddess, an opinionated ex-lawyer, a
befuddled host and Barbara Walters and throw
them all into a vat of Jello? Well, you get
the greatest episode of "The View" ever!
[Pause] Unfortunately, they won't let us
show you that clip. ["The View" is replaced
by "Jerry."] So, instead we've got this
"Jerry" clip where he talks to some kids.
[Tom shrugs.]

[The scene shifts to a TV studio, where a
group of five children are seated on a stage.
A bespectacled man stands in the audience.
At the lower left of the screen, the logo
of the Jerry Springer show is displayed, with
the title "She got us lost in an alien forest!"
At the lower right, the title "Tracke Trouble
Teens!" has been added. ]

Jerry: So, the shuttle had crashed, and you five
were trapped on an alien planet?

[The view shifts back to the stage.]

Marrissa: Yep. The pilots were killed. It's a good
thing that I was there to take command...
Clara: [Interrupting] Oh, yeah. We're so lucky.
We crash landed!
Marrissa: Hey! Is it my fault that Jay can't fly?
Jay: I wouldn't have been flying if you hadn't
told me to fly the shuttle!
Marrissa: Well, if *I* was flying the shuttle
then I couldn't have been commanding
people, could I?
Shayna: Oh, some commanding! You had us hiding in
a cave!
Marrissa: It was a nice cave! There weren't any
bears in there, were there?
Alexander: [Crying] You had us setting up those
stupid traps! Then you made fun of me when
you found out that I didn't want to be a
warrior!
Marrissa: Oh, knock it off! You were too busy
crying in the corner, screaming about "how
the ribbons were going to get you" to help
us with the traps.
Jay: And why did you think that if we stayed in
one place, then the aliens couldn't find us?
Marrissa: Jay...
Jay: [quietly] Sorry, Marrissa.
Marrissa: [Harshly] Jay...?!
Jay: [Even more quietly] Sorry, ma'am.
Clara: Look, you little dimwit! Your 'command
skills' nearly got us all killed! We were
hungry and alone and you had caused us
all to have those stupid songs bouncing
through our heads the whole damn time!
And then you started on that stupid
"Song that Never Ends..."
Marrissa: [Agitated] Oh yeah? Well, I know
what your problem is, *Clara.*
[She stands up and rips off her top. Lovely
pixelation obscures the view. The audience
whoops it up and shouts, "JERRY! JERRY!"]
Marrissa: It's these, isn't it?! You're jealous
of these, AREN'T YOU!?
[Marrissa and Clara leap at each other and
begin to punch and kick each other for a moment
before Jerry's Nausican security people pull
the combatants apart. The scene fades back
to the Talk Soup set.]

Tom : Tonight's episode of "Jerry" was brought
to you by the National Man-Tyrant Love
Association, and Ribbon Hut. Need a ribbon
to denote your rank in society? Then come
on down to Ribbon Hut!

[The picture changes to a black and white still
photo of Jerry Springer.]

Tom : Wednesday on Springer, Jerry presents a
special show called "My Mom Lusts After
My Captain, My Former Lover, a Holographic
Bartender, several bit-part aliens, and this
Weird Alien Shifter Guy, and It's Driving Me
Crazy!"

[The scene shifts back to Tom.]
Tom : Well, coming up next, Conan chats it up with
Jeff Goldblum, Jay talks plant care with
A Star Fleet gardener, and the Clip of the
Week! But first, I've got this little
problem with movie sign to deal with.
We'll be right back.

[The scene irises out, and the door sequence begins.]