[MSTing] Nightmusic [R][lime][MIKE][0/1]

[Silas Janzen]

***************************************************************

'ello. This msting does have lemon content, but i cut most of it out.

MST3K and all associated elements are copyright (c) Best Brains.

The short: Ranma Shows Up Short Prolog is copyright "Fox the Wanderer".

The main feature: Nightmusic is copyright Rene Luke.

No offence is meant to either authors. I'm just writing der MSTing.

********************************************************************

(Theme song)
(Door Sequence)
(Bridge)

It was morning on the Satellite of Love, and nothing much was happening.
Crow and Mike were still sleeping in their respective quarters.

Tom Servo was, inexplicably, sleeping on the bridge where the trio
normally greeted Dr. Forrester and his innefectual assistant Frank. He
lay like a discarded toy, hoverjets turned off. Before him sat a box of
pizza, and several Gundam Wing mangas.

"Oh...hello Quatre," Servo muttered sleepily. "Wait...what are you
doing...no...not that...I'm not--AAAAAAAAAAAGH!"

At that moment, Mike Nelson walked in. He spotted the still screaming
robot, and flipped a switch on his side. There was a whirring sound, and
the frantic screaming ceased. Tom righted himself, hovering over the
desk that dominated the bridge of the SoL.

"Heya Tom," Mike said, taking a sip from his coffee, "did you have that
Gundam Wing yaoi dream again?"

"Yeah...Um, I mean," Tom said frantically, "Not that...er..."

"No, I didn't mean--" But before Mike was able to finish his sentence,
Crow made his appearance. He had obviously been planning for something,
as he was wearing a hot pink tuxedo and dragging a long length of rope.

"Hey, Mike, didn't you remember what I told you?"

"Uh..." Mike said, "I didn't know we were doing it this early. Besides
Tom is..."

"I'M FINE." Tom interrupted, angrily.

"It's okay, tom, I didn't mean--"

"Oh, I see." Crow's voice took on a mocking tone. "Hey, Tom, your Heero
Yuy doll arrived today. Where do you want me to put it?"

"Oh...um...just..." Tom paused. "I didn't even order a--WHY YOU
LITTLE...!" Tom launched himself at Crow, who ran off the bridge,
chuckling.

Mike rolled his eyes, and took another gulp from his coffee. A few
moments later, Crow and Tom rushed past him. There was a sudden
crunching noise from out of Cambot's veiw, and Crow and Tom arrived back
at Mike's side, groaning.

Mike sighed. "You guys..." A red light on the top of the desk started
flashing. "Now the mads are calling." He slapped the button.

(Deep Thirteen)

In his underground lair, the aptly named Deep 13, Dr. Clayton Forrester
grinned at them, standing next to his assistant, TV's Frank.

"Hello, Nelson, Robots," Forrester said, "Whaddaya have for us?"

Frank turned to him. "You mean invention?"

Dr. Forrester glared at him. "Of course I mean invention, you ignorant
ignoramus!"

(Satellite of Love)

Mike smiled. "Well, I beleive Tom had something..."

"Yes," Tom said, enthusiastically. His voice took on the tone of an
infomercial announcer. "Dance Dance Revolution. A name so familiar to
anime fans everywhere. Yes, you enjoy playing it...but don't you wish it
were something...more? Well, have we got the answer for you! Here at
"Some Guys In Space" industries, we've created a addon to Konami's
popular dancing game that's sure to change your world...or at least a
small part of it. Ever wish you could play DDR with different music?
Well, now you can, with our special "Revoloake" add-on pack! You can
play DDR with reggae, country, or even Marilyn Manson songs! But wait!
The fun doesn't stop there! Crow, tell them what else you can expect
from "Some Guys In Space" industries!"

"Well Tom," Crow said, "With our new 'Adult' DDR add-on, you can spice
up your love life! 'Adult' DDR includes, in addition to the dance step
arrows, various symbols representing the different positions--"

"Alright, Crow, that's quite enough..."

"--And even better," Crow continued, ignoring Mike, "You can play it
with your clothes off OR on! Kinky!"

"CROW!!"

"Okay, okay, geez," Crow said dejectedly.

(Deep Thirteen)

"Riiiiight..." Forrester said. "Well, our invention is...well, it's
right here!" Forrester pointed at the empty table top.

"Um," Frank said, "It's not there anymore."

"What?!" Dr. Forrester glanced down at the He glanced down, and then
crouched to the floor, glancing underneath the table where the elusive
invention had been only a few moments before. Nothing. He stood up,
brushed off his already spotless lime green labcoat, and mumbled
something about timelines.

"Right, Nelson, tonight you're reading an ElfQuest lemon entitled
'Nightmusic' by a certain Rene Luke, preceded by a short "Prolog" to a
Ranma ½/ElfQuest crossover. Push the button, Frank."

"Right..."

(Satellite of Love)

"An ElfQuest LEMON?!" Crow yelled.

"Boy, this is going to go down hard..." Tom muttered.

The various alarms went off and lights started flashing.

"OHHH, WE GOT FANFIC SIIIIIIIIGN!!" Mike yelled.

(Door Sequence...)

(Theater)

(Initiating Script Format...)

CROW: Hey, I wonder what that was that Forrester had?
MIKE (Shrugs)
TOM (Turning around in his seat): What do YOU think?
CROW (to Tom): Hey, why'd you do that?
TOM (Turning back): I dunno...

Disclaimer : They're not mine (except for the SI character) so please
don't sue. This story is set right after the color Graphic Novel "Kings
Of The Broken Wheel" because that's the last one I read. If there are
any more after that please inform me.

CROW: Oh, we'll _inform_ you alright...
MIKE: Crow...be nice...

Ranma Shows Up

Short

Prolog

An Elf-Quest Ranma 1/2 Crossover

ALL (groan)
MIKE: Okay, let's think of the two strangest things to cross over...

By Fox The Wanderer

It was a normal day in the forest. Skywise had

CROW: hot, steamy se--
MIKE: don't EVEN!
CROW: Well, he DID!
TOM: He's got a point there, you know.
MIKE (rolls eyes): You two...

gotten up ,

CROW (sniggers)

did whatever he does to get readt for the day ,

MIKE: Oh, please don't go into any detail...
CROW: Please.

and went outside. He had went for a walk in an old part of the forest.
He came accross an old part of the High One's magic.

CROW: It had a nice mahogany frame, and a comfortable downy mattress.
MIKE (announcer): High One Brand Matresses! They put you to sleep, just
like magic!

This magic just seemed to be sitting there doing nothing.

TOM (Skywise): Lazy magic! Sit up straight! Geez...magic these days...

He knew better than to go near it. Terrible things could happen from
the old leftover magic. Just look at Madcoil for example there.

MIKE: I'd rather not, thank you.

Suddenly the magic flared.

ALL: AAAAAGH!
CROW: My EYES!

He lept back and wondered if he should help.

CROW: How exactly do you "help" a magic?
MIKE: I think it's just bad description.

The magic grew brighter and then faded away. A hole in the sky opened
and some people dropped through. Then the hole diassapered from his
sight.

CROW: Whoa! Deja vu!

He hid and then looked at the people who had fell through.

CROW: He was a teenaged dorky-looking boy wearing a baseball uniform and
holding a backpack.

They appeared to be human and one strange bear-like creature thing.

(All laugh)
MIKE (still chuckling): A bear-like creature thing? My god...

The bear-thing help up a wooden sign , (Where did that come from)
thought Skywise ,

TOM: That's easy. The same place Akane gets her hammer...

that said "This is all your fault boy. You should not have made the
Master mad. Then he would not have cast that spell at us.". A boy in a
red colored shirt looked at the bear-thing and said , "My Fault! Why the
heck is it my fault!? He's the one who was groping Kasumi!

ALL: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWW!!!
CROW: That...is a really _REALLY_ disturbing mental image right there...

Of course I stopped him from doing.

MIKE: I have a suspicion that there's a word missing from that
scentence...

Would you rather I let him continue molesting her?"

ALL: HELL NO!!

. Before the bear-thing could answer another man with some hair above
his upper lip

CROW: Got Milk?

looked at them both and said , "Are you telling that he should have let
him Saotome?". The bear-thing or Saotome thought about that for a few
seconds

CROW (Deep Thought): Hmmm...tricky...

and then help up a sign that said , "Of course not Tendo. Of course
bot.

TOM: IS he talking about us?

No need to get angry.". A purple haired girl glomped onto the boy and
said , "Where are we Ranma. This not look like Dojo."

CROW: Okay, I'm only going to say this once, and if I have to say it
again SOMEONE is going to get hurt badly: SHAMPOO IS NOT STUPID! SHE
ONLY TALKS LIKE THAT BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T SPEAK JAPANESE!!
MIKE: Whoa, buddy...

. The boy said , "How should I know Shampoo. What do I look like , a
map-maker.

CROW: No, but you do look like a cartographer. (chuckles)

And let go of me.". Another boy in a yellow shirt said , "Ranma , how
dare you hold onto Shampoo when you have a perfectly good woman like
Akane.". The boy or Ranma said , "You've got to be kidding Ryogo. Me and
that Tomboy , ugh.

MIKE (valley girl): Like, gag me with a stick.

Besides Shampoo grabbed onto me."

CROW: GRABBED onto him? That doesn't sound good...
MIKE (squirms uncomfortably)

The other boy or Ryogo yelled , "How dare you insult Akane like that.
Prepare to die.". Ranma said , "Bring it on anytime pig-boy.".
(Pig-boy?) , thought Skywise.

CROW: Yeah, pig-boy. As in pigs.
TOM (Akane): "P" is for "Pig".

He decided to get help. {Cutter} , he Sent ,

CROW (Cutter, sending): What?
TOM (Skywise, sending): Nothing. I just like saying "Cutter".

{There is something very odd down here. You had better come see this
for yourself. Humans have fallen out of the sky. And they appear ready
to fight one another.}.

CROW: Duh! What do you think they were doing just now? Exchanging
presents?

- To Be Continued Or Not

CROW: I'll take "not", thankyou...

Fox The Wanderer Immortal Researcher of Universes and also a Ki Dragon
capable of being any shape , size , age , gender , or species. Known as
God of Martial Arts + Other Dimensional Travel. And Goddess of Chaos +
Mischief.

Member of CoRR , AFC , and Squire of KOME.

Founder And Leader of : CORAH , COAAM , COAAL , COKAM.

My very cool homepage can be found at http://fox7.homepage.com/index.htm
.

CROW: We'll take your word for it.

Drop on by and visit , oh sign the Guestbook.

MIKE: No thanks...
CROW: Alright, one ElfQuest lemon to go...
TOM (Shudders)

Nightmusic

This is an old idea of mine, finally written...!

*******************************************************

It had been a turn and then some since his arrival.

MIKE: ...and he had already made an ass of himself.

Pale haired, pale-skin now lightly tanned by the
brilliant sun, and with startlingly clear blue eyes,

ALL: GYAAAH!

he was still an enigma to her.

CROW: An enema to her? Ewww...

To this day he did not
share her nights in her den.

TOM: So basically, she's angsting because she's not getting any?
MIKE: Pretty much, yeah.

He was loath to share his
days in her den as well. It was as if he were...

CROW: Impotent?

...Afraid to spend any time with her at all?

CROW: Well, it could be that too.

She rested her hand on her expanding belly.

MIKE: Oh, so this is a crossover with 'Alien', is it?

The proof
of the pleasure he'd felt in her arms lay there if not
in his eagerness to fill her many nights outside her
hut with joy.

CROW: Um....Huh?
TOM: She's thinking about sex, isn't she...?

But why not leave the caves and stay
here?

MIKE (perkily): Why not stay here and leave the caves? Why not frolic in
the tulips? Teehee!

Leetah turned in her bed, empty but for her.

TOM: ...and Happosai.
CROW (Happosai): Pretty lady!!

She laid
her head upon the mass of jumbled red curls that had
collected across her arm

MIKE: Somebody's cutting her hair in her sleep?
CROW: It's probably Cutter. Get it? Cutter?
MIKE (groans)

and rolled her body over
beneath the furs.
What could she do?

CRow: Well, I could think of some...(looks at Mike)...but I'm not going
to mention them.
MIKE: Good bot.

They were life-mates, true, but they did not ACT like
life-mates! She knew him inside and out

TOM: So Leetah's the ElfQuest universes' Jack The Ripper?

She breathed a sigh, her green eyes glitterd wetly in
moons' pale glow. She would not cry. She never cried.

MIKE (Baldrick): Angst, angst, angst. If she goes on angsting like that
she'll turn into an angst.

Dawn brought about the laughter of children and
voices familiar and strange.

TOM: Next...on Twilight Zone.

Somebody rapped on the
entrance to the Healer's hut.
"Leetah? Leetah! Come out! We have, er... Something
for you."

TOM (person at the door): I'm not going to go into
detail...heh-heh-heh...mua ha ha ha...GUAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!

Nightfall's voice was music to Leetah's ears
and she wasted no time lifting the hem of her skirts
and walking to the entrance of her hut.

MIKE: Usually you do that if you want to _run_...

The beautifull golden-haired, golden-eyed huntress
held part of something large, completely covered and
liberally bound with rope.

CROW (Nightfall): Okay, here you go, but don't--
TOM (Leetah): Ooh, I wonder what it is...(makes ripping
noises)...AAAAAAAAGH!
CROw (Nightfall): --open it, it's my rabid animal
collection...ooooops...

Her life-mate, Redlance,

MIKE: ...was off drinking.

held the other side and Woodlock and Rainsong's
daughter and Strongbow and Moonshade's son had their
hands enfolded in the gift's rear.

ALL: EWWWWWWWWW!!
MIKE:...enfolded?...gaah...

"It's quite awkward,

CROW (Nightfall): ...To explain...uh, I've been having these
urges...seeeeeaaAAAAGH!
MIKE (lets go of Crow's beak): No.

do you mind if we carry it in?"
Redlance smirked with a wink to his beloved.

CROW: Uh...

"I-I am not sure...! What is it?" Leetah murmured as
she held the curtain aside.

TOM: So if she's not sure, why is she letting them in?

"It's C---" the boy started but the golden-haired
girl cuffed him across the shoulder with a sharp
"SHHHHHhhhh!"

CROW: So she hit him with an exclamation?
TOM (boy): OWWW! That hurt! Why cant you use the statement?
MIKE: Cute, Tom.

The adults did not know if Leetah had heard or not
but the healer seemed distracted enough that the slip
may have been missed.

CROW: Boy, that was dramatic, wasn't it?

The hut was warmed already by the morning sun and her
plants reached yearningly for the light. She walked to
them and gestured to a spot on the floor.

TOM (Leetah): See this...look at this stain, it won't come out!

"Lay it
there. Shall I open it now?"

MIKE (Nightfall): No, wait for a few days...
TOM (muffled): MMMF! RRRGH!

Nightfall tossed her hand through her curls and gave
Leetah a fond hug.

CROW: Oooh! It's getting good!
MIKE: Crow...

"No. Wait for later. Say, mid-day
or so. Then open it!"

MIKE: Just open it! It's funny!

Redlance stayed the advance of the cubs with his hand
as he waited for his life-mate by the door. "Coming?"

CROW (Nightfall): YES!!
MIKE: That better not have meant what I think it means...

"Hmmm... Will it be okay?"

TOM (muffled): HELL NO!

"I'd say so."

Leetah kept her distance from the odd package. It
disturbed her for some reason... As if it were...
Alive? Impossible.

MIKE: That's what they all think and then...sudden, horrible death.

Quietly, she watched it.

TOM (Leetah): I'm watching you, package, so you better not make any
funny moves, you got that?

Hours passed and the sun disapeared above the hut.

CROW: The sun dissapeared? Shouldn't Leetah be worried about this? I
mean she had a fit that time it eclipsed...
MIKE: She wasn't that old then, Crow.
CROW: Ah, bite me.

Tentatively, she reached out her long, slender
fingers

CROW: How do you 'reach out' fingers?
MIKE: They've suddenly aquired the properties of water? How should I
know?

that the package WAS
alive! In fact....!

TOM: A hand had emerged from inside of it!
CROW (Leetah): Oooh...Cutter...Cutter, stop that...oooh...
MIKE (chuckling): Okay, that's enough, you two...

She cut the ropes and the fabric shroud to reveal a
bound and gagged Cutter. His blue eyes fluttered open
at the sudden onslaught of blazing light. He squinted
and tried to say something.

CROW (Cutter): Come...quickly! Attacked...injured...
TOM (Leetah): What's that? You like my skirt? Oh, Cutter...

Slyly, Leetah leaned forward with a soft

CROW: ...Kiss. Cutter brushed his fingers lightly against her smooth,
warm...
MIKE: Crow...
TOM: Oh, ease up Mike! That's probably what they'll be doing in a while
anyways...
MIKE: OK, fine. I'll try to relax.

"hmmmm? You
say something?"

CROW: Leetah, he could be seriously hurt! Everything's a game with you!

Gently, she plucked the gag from
between Cutter's lips.

MIKE: Wouldn't she have to untie it first?

"When I get my hands on those misbegotten fools, I'll
tear them---Mrrrrffff! Feee! BRrrrffff! RRReeeeFrraaa!!!"

MIKE: Woah, Cutter, Cutter! Lay off the dreamberries!
CROW: I think he's had something a little stronger than that...
TOM (Cutter, thickly): Whaddaya call this white powder again...?

She kept her finger on the gag as
she leaned closer.

ALL (start humming the theme from 'Jaws'.)

"Gently, dear one... Now say again?"

MIKE (Cutter): Uh...Mrrrrff! Feee! BRrr--
TOM (Leetah): No! The first bit!

His face was scarlet and his pupils were dialted into
huge black pools.

CROW: He's...melting?
MIKE (Cutter, a la The Wicked Witch of The West): I'm melting! Oh, What
a world, what a world...

But after a few moments,

TOM: He was reduced to a gooey, evil-smelling puddle.

he relaxed
and his skin faded to normal and his eyes lost their
wild wolf-like appearance.

"I'm going to ring their necks,"

CROW (Cutter): I've been knitting scarves, see! Aren't they nice?

he mutterd.

TBC

TOM (angrily): Well, TBC to you too!

__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?

MIKE: Well...I'm not...what was the question again?

Yahoo! Photos - 35mm Quality Prints, Now Get 15 Free!
http://photos.yahoo.com/

CROW: C'mon...lets go...
MIKE: No...wait...there's some more...
CROW: How much more?
TOM (British): About five parts...
CROW (Reed Martin): Five parts?!
MIKE (Adam Long): No way, man! I told him this was gonna be short!
TOM: The Reduced Shakespeare Company sketch, ladies and gentlemen!

Nightmusic, part 2

TOM: Electric boogaloo!

Cutter blinked his eyes at Leetah,

CROw (Cutter, childish): BLINK! BLINK! hee hee hee! BLINK!

who gazed serenly
at him from her position on the smooth floor.

TOM: Yes, but what position was it?
CROW: I could guess...

She held
his gag at the ready and seemed quite prepared to

CROW: ...Striptease?
MIKE: Demi Moore IS Leetah in 'Nightmusic'!

reinsert it

CROW (Beavis): Heh-heh-heh-heh...

he say anything particularly
offensive.

CROW (Makes a farting noise)
TOM (Leetah): Cutter!
CROW (Cutter): Hey! I didn't SAY anything...(giggles)
MIKE: That was a little immature, guys...

Suddenly, he came to the realization that this was
not some humiliating joke played on him by his
tribe-mates but something else!

CROW: Maybe they were...hinting something?
TOM (random wolfrider): Hey, I wonder if we brought Cutter to Leetah in
a sack they might have sex?
MIKE (another random wolfrider): Eh, It's worth a try...

But what?!
Why would they do this to him?

MIKE: Fraternity initiation?
CROW: I don't think the wolfriders have frats, Mike...

Just then, his belly rumbled,

CROW (Announcer): Yes, It's the amazing rumbling Cutter! Step right up,
folks!

reminding him of the
afternoon meal he was missing. Leetah must have heard
it, for she

TOM:...slapped him for even THINKING about food in the presence of her
radiant beauty.

replaced the wad of fabric and rose again
to her feet. "I shant be long, Life-mate. Stay there
quietly and I may return with a special treat!"

CROW (Giggles)
MIKE: Crow!

Cutter rolled his eyes. Whatever game the others were
playing with him,

TOM: ...he would hunt them down and make them eat their own innards.
CROW: Cutter IS Hannibal Lecter!
MIKE: That was a little dark, guys...

they had dragged Leetah into it with
them.

CROW: Whaat? You're telling me he hasn't got it yet!? Come on, Cutter
isn't that thick!
TOM: I beg to differ. Cutter may be brawny and he may have a cool sword
and he may know how to fight, but I don't think he's that intelligent.
Rayek's the smart one.
CROW: Rayek?! RAYEK!? When Cutter was searching for the high-ones, Rayek
was off having a hissy fit because he couldn't have Leetah.
TOM: You must have been reading with your eyes closed then because
there's a lot more to it than that! Anyways, Cutter found that purely by
chance, after, I might add, getting completely pissed over at
Picknose's.
CROW: NO! You're wrong! (lunges at tom, but Mike holds him back.)
MIKE: Guys, may I be so bold as to say that we've got a fic to MST here?
CROW: Fine. Cutter.
TOM: Nyaah! Rayek!
CROW: Cutter!
TOM: Rayek!
MIKE: GUYS!!

He wanted to Send to her but that was useless...
She had only a vague understanding of it and would not
"hear" him.

MIKE: Ah, she could not (makes finger motions) "hear" him. Crow, can you
(makes finger motions) "hear" me?
CROW: Ha-ha.

Once outside, the healer headed down the rock path
that would lead her to Minyah's garden. As she'd
hoped, Redlance was there, coaxing a stubborn
vegetable plant

MIKE: Vegetable plants! Get them today at your local Redundant Flower
Florists!

Over him hovered the tall, grey-haired elder with her
silver eyes and sharp toungue.

MIKE: Lemme guess...Sun-Toucher? Wait...no...Savah...no...Okay, I give
up!

She lifted the brim of
her grass-woven hat with her weathered brown hands and
smiled.
"Good day, Minyah!

CROW (Leetah): No, I think _I'M_ supposed to say that!

May I borrow your plant-shaper's
council for a time?"

TOM: Um...are we reading a LOTR fic now, or what?

Leetah said cheerily as she
lifted her hand in a pleasant greeting.

TOM: She's flipping her off?
CROW: Well, pleasant for her, I guess.

"By all means, Youngling! He's all your's.

MIKE (Minyah): Oh, and this apostrophe. Take good care of it!

Just
don't loose him--- I still have a row of Child's Teeth
that refuse to grow where I put them!

MIKE: Is it just me, or is this starting to sound like a House & Home
article?
TOM (Announcer): Got problems with your Child's Teeth, or any other
plant named after a body part? Call the Gardening Hotline now! Elves
standing by!

CONTINUED IN PART 1/1
--
____
Be sure to remove the "xx"'s from my email when replying. It should read
silas...@shaw.ca.

"Ford, you're turning into a penguin! Stop it!"
--Arthur Dent, The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy