MiSTing: Holodeck Series - part 4
Amanda Van Rhyn
[ "Illiterate? Write to Hooked on Phonics for help!" ]
[After that batch of bibble, we return to the SoL Theater.]
> --------
ALL: (singing) The hyphens go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah...
> It had been a while since that night that Katherine had been sent to Cyberlife, specificly, two > days. Jack was suppost to be comming to Katherine's any minute. Susan & Blip were sitting in > the Kitchen, while Katherine was down in her lab.
> "Tell me again what Katherine was doing?" asked Susan.
> "She's trying to find a chemical in Creatures that can cure Glycotoxin. So far, all she came >up with is Glycogen." Blip answered.
> "Ooo- that'l help some poor soul without BORG."
CROW: That's nice. There are still a lot of people out there that
aren't assimilated.
> Susan mused. "Anyway, has she completley forgotten what time it is? Jack should be here >now!"
> Blip looked at the clock. "Katherine told me that we were to make a presentation if she >wasn't up here when he arrives. 'I can't be bothered.' she said." Just then, the doorbell rang. >Susan got up and answered it. 'Twas Jack.
TOM: Yay! Let's tell the story in Scadian dialects from now on!
> "Uhm, Hello," he said, "Is there a Katherine here?"
> "She's doing an experement right now." Replied Susan. "I'm Susan, the robot behind me is >Blip, and I assume you're Jack."
> "Why, Yes, I am..." Jack stammered. He walked behind Susan to get a better look at Blip. >"Katherine told me about you. I thought you were but a myth."
JOEL: (Jack) Yes, my bard Samwise sings to me of such myths, but 奏is a
tale for another time and a less delicate companionship.
> "No," Blip was confused. "I'm very much real, an invention of Katherine's. Anyway, the >HoloDeck is in Katherine's room. Care for a demonstration?"
> "Yeah." replied Jeff. All three of them filed into Katherine's room. Susan turned the >HoloDeck on, while Blip gave a small speech.
> "The HoloDeck," he started, "Is an invention of Katherine's, one that really works.
CROW: (Blip) Unlike me. See, I'm a figment of your imagination.
> See those two norns on the screen of that computer? That's Jenna, the first norn who was ever > on earth, and Karr, the first norn ever born on earth. Now, if you would be so kind as to type in > 'push mover', Jack?
> Jack stepped up to the computer and did so. Jenna looked at him with a grin, then led Karr > over to the mover. She made sure they were both on, and pushed mover. A flash of light >appeared over the HoloDeck, and Jenna and Karr appeared after it.
> "My gosh..." Jack couldn't believe this. "They're..." he held out a hand, and rubbed Jenna on > the ear, then ran his fingers through Karr's hair. "They really are real!"
TOM: (Jack) And their fur would make *great* coats!
> "As real as you and me." Susan replied.
> Just then, everyone heard a big explosion from Katherine's Lab. Then, Katherine appeared > in the doorway.
> "Wow!" She gasped. "I found a chemecal that reacts with Glycotoxin to make Menthane, >which is highly flamable, so there was a big blowout down there.
JOEL: (Katherine) Remind me not to play with the lighter with the
really big flame column while there's a whole bunch of methane in the
lab... but at least my eyebrows smell better burning this time.
> But I put everything out. Hey, you're Jack!"
> Jack wiggled his nose a bit. Katherine had menthane smell all over her.
TOM: (Jack) Nobles such as myself shalt not deal with skanky peasants
with burning eyebrows without extreme duress!
> He swallowed hard. "Yes, and I just saw your invention work well. We're doing a promotion in > Disney World, and Toby wanted me to ask if you'd like to come help?
> Susan, Katherine, and Blip looked at each other. Then, they began dancing in a circle and >shouting, "We're all going to Disney World! We're all going to Disney world!"
CROW: Gosh, and they didn't even have to win a major sporting event!
> ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- > ---------------------
JOEL: (news reporter) Hyphens begin picketing fanfic, lobbying for
better union pay and benefits.
TOM: (reporter) In other news, Joel and bots leave theater.
(J&TB exit.)
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(Scene: SoL. Tom is in drag to look like Katherine. Crow and Joel are
nearby, but look normal.)
JOEL: And now, a little song in honor of Katherine from today's story.
Thanks for helping us out, Servo.
TOM: Hey, Katherine's a real role model for mad scientists everywhere.
I'm honored.
JOEL: And now, with no further ado...
(The little instrumental beginning to the _Mary Tyler Moore Show_ theme
song plays.)
JOEL: (singing, to the tune of the _MTM_ theme)
Who wrecks her whole life with her projects?
CROW: (singing) Who can take an Albia and suddenly fill it with test
subjects?
JOEL and CROW: (singing) Well, it's Katherine, and she should know it!
When she gets turned into a Norn, that would show it!
CROW: (singing) Cyberlife loves her; I don't know why!
JOEL: (spoken) I thought Toby was a smarter guy!
J & C: (singing) She's a Norn addict after all!
She's a Norn addict after all!
(Jaunty closing _MTM Theme_ music. Tom begins sobbing.)
TOM: (sobbing all the while) I thought we were gonna sing a nice song!
(Tom runs away crying. C&J snicker under breath.)
JOEL: Oh, the things we'll do to make Tom cry.
CROW: More like "Oh, the things we'll do to get Tom in drag".
JOEL: Hmmmm... sounds like a question for the ages. Never mind, we've
got FANFIC SIGN!!
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(Scene: SoL Theater. Joel and Crow come in, but there's no sign of
Tom.)
JOEL: Wow... where'd Tommy go? Didn't he hear the Fanfic Sign?
(Tom, still sobbing, rushes into theater from left side. We can see his
Katherine wig fall off as he runs to his seat.)
CROW: Hi. Sorry about the whole emotional distress thing...
TOM: (sniffs slightly) Oh, it'll be OK. After all, it's only Katherine.
> ----This is where HoloDeck 8 should be.
JOEL: The good news: This segment has been condensed. The bad news: All
the crappiness has been retained, if in a more concentrated form.
> Just so you don't get very confused, the group has been having bad things going on all week,
CROW: What else is new?
> and they are totaly exausted. However, they nd out who's been behind this:
TOM: What, the pitiful mass that is their lives?
> The Wolfpack.
CROW: Wait a sec, isn't the Wolfpack a wrestling group?
> The Wolfpack's leader Jasper, who was the kiddnapper of Blueberry, has a notorious plan to >bring down CyberLife. He plans to tie Blueberry to two firerockets
JOEL: Guys, you know me. I was an outstanding science student. But...
would someone explain to me what a firerocket is???
> and light them, thereby killing Blueberry.
CROW: And *how* again do you kill a stuffed animal?
> The fireworks continue up in a swirling fashon (So they look like a DNA strand, Cyberlife's >Logo.) until they hit Tinkerbell,
TOM: Ah, there's one of those sprites we've been hearing about for the
entire fanfic.
> who always starts off the nightly fireworks at Disney by jumping off of Cinderella Castle. The > HoloDeck cast decides to put a damper on the plan, and get ready to take themselfs into a >dangerous situation.----
JOEL: Yes, a dangerous situation, but not nearly as dangerous as the
time Katherine jury- rigged her lighter.
> All five members of Katherine's little 'band' was sitting under Cinderella's Castle. They were >about to do a major rescue operation.
> "Everybody understand what's about to happen?" Katherine asked. Susan and Blip nodded.
TOM: (Blip) Yes. We stagger about blurting out random bits of stilted
dialogue until the problem magically resolves itself, just like we've
been doing for most of the story, right?
> Karr and Jenna looked completley clueless, as usual. Katherine looked at each face one by >one. There was a good chance she'd never see anyone of them again.
JOEL: Which would mean *we'd* never have to see them again. Woowoo!
> Katherine then took one last breath. "Move out." She commanded. They split up into two >groups. For simplicity, we'll follow each group seperatley:
TOM: (South Park doctor voice) Alright, Group 1 will save the world,
while Group 2 will sit in the hotel, drink refreshing beverages, and
watch family movies.
> Group 1: Katherine, Susan & Karr
> The trio moved silently through the thick shrubbs that surrounded Cinderella Castle. They >then hit a gate, which they climbed over, and landed in more shrubbery. There, they laid eyes >upon the Wolfpack.
CROW: Gosh, I love watching riveting action sequences set in Disney
World and revolving around a disgustingly cute A-Life game.
> "Where's Blueberry?" snarled Jasper. He had two firerockets in his hand.
TOM: (Sigmund Freud) Und in zis scene, zee firerockets, zay are phallic
symbols, ja?
JOEL: Well, they could be anything, since we have no idea what they
actually *are*.
> Another man ran up to him with the kidnapped norn in his hand. "Right h-here, s-sir." He >stuttered.
> "Great!" exclaimed Jasper. He pulled some twine out of his pocket and tied Blueberry to the > firerockets. Then he positioned them on the ground. "Hey! Where's my lighter?" Jasper >wandered off in search of something to light the firerocketts with.
CROW: The FireRockettes! Their act is red-hot enough to set off the
smoke detectors!
> "I'm going in." Whispered Katherine. She started to crawl out of the shrubbs.
> Susan put her hand on Katherine's shoulder to stop her. "Wait! You can't go. If they catch >you, there's no telling what they'l do to you. The world can't offord to lose an inventor with >your mind!
JOEL: Well, she does make the other inventors look *so* much better.
> Let me go." Susan then shinnied out of the bushes, not waiting for a rebuttle. Katherine, >realizing Susan was too far away to be stopped, grabbed Karr and slunk back into the bushes.
> Susan crawled tword the firerocket. She got closer, and closer, until finaly, she grabbed >Blueberry. A Wolfpack member looked up. "Hey!" He shouted. "It's one of those kids!
TOM: (Wolfpack member) One of those meddling kids and their dog! We
woulda gotten away with it if they hadn't shown up in that psychadelic
van!
> And she's got Blueberry!" Jasper, who had found his lighter, ran after Susan.
CROW: (reciting haiku)
Jasper likes his Bic
He sets Susan's hair aflame
Burning stuff is fun!
(Joel snaps his fingers in beatnik fashion.)
TOM: (beatnik) Cool. I dig, man, I dig.
> They chaced each other the length that Susan traveled, until Susan got an idea. She kicked a >twig infront of Jasper's foot, causing him to take a hard spill.
JOEL: Remember, kids, in Deus ex Machina World, even the tiniest twig
can put a bad guy out of commission for the rest of the story!
> She scattered into the bushes, and then 'the band of theives' scrambled up the gate and all the >way to Cinderella's Castle.
> Group 2: Blip and Jenna.
> Jenna had a hold of Blip Bace, as he flew higher and higher. Blip's destination was the top >of Cinderella Castle, where Tinkerbell was going to jump. (Refrerence: For those who never >have been to Disney World, Tinkerbell always jumps from Cinderella Castle to start the nightly > firework show.)
CROW: All right, anyone not been to Disney World? Raise your hands.
Yeah, I didn't think so.
> When they got there, Tinkerbell was already up at the top, with a man who was helping her put > on a harness.
TOM: (Blip) Hmm... I wonder why they're using a black leather harness
with silver studs...
> Blip let Jenna down on the top of the castle. "WAIT!" He warned. "Tinkerbell CAN'T jump > tonight!"
> The man helping with Tinkerbell's harness looked at Blip. "Are you totaly nuts? Tink' >always jumps!"
JOEL: (Tinkerbell guy as gangster) Always, capice? If you try and stop
her, don't be surprised if you find Goofy's head in your bed!
> "No! There's these people, the Wolfpack, and they're gonna shoot her with firerockets, an' >an' an'..." Blip staggered. He was too scared to make any sence.
> "Look," the man snarled, "... Wait a minute! I'm talking to a robot!
TOM: Hey, man, why all the anti-robot hate in this story?
> 'Tink, you ready?" Tinkerbell nodded, then began her decent.
CROW: She just began to be decent now? Wow.
> Blip, if he had skin, would of turned ghost white. He couldn't take this anymore. He flew down > from the castle, forgetting completley about Jenna. He flew below Tinkerbell. He was going to > block that firerocket, if it was the last thing he'd do.
TOM: (Sigmund Freud) Zo, Blip, as zee symbol of watchful society, is
attempting to prevent zee firerockets - zee phallic symbol - from
contacting Tinkerbell - zee symbol of virginity and innocence! Ja!
JOEL: Did I mention you're putting far too much thought and imagery
into this fanfic?
> Back to Group 1:
> Karr was fiddleing with Blueberry.
JOEL: (Karr) Man, this norn is outta tune! Maybe if I just rosin my
bowstring...
> Something caught Susan's eye. "Hey," she asked, "What's that bright yellow thing below >Tinkerbell?"
CROW: Hmm... the sun, maybe? Perhaps the moon? Another heavenly body?
> "Blip didn't stop her?" Katherine turned to the night sky. "OHMYGOSH!" She nearly >choked. "That's BLIP! He's in the way of the firerocket!"
TOM: (Katherine) Damnit, I told him if he had to sacrifice himself,
he'd do it for me! *Me*!
> A million things ran through Katherine's mind. The first time Blip was started up.
JOEL: (Blip) Hello. Where would you like to go today?
> How hard she worked to make him. When they first discovered Creatures together. The >HoloDeck ordeal.
CROW: All righty, fanfic, let's *not* flash back to stuff we saw five
minutes ago...
> Just then, she watched the firerockets shoot up, in a blue spiral. All her thoughts about her best > friend stopped, when she saw the firerockets jam in Blip, and then explode.
TOM: Oh, the humanity! Er... oh, the bot-anity!
JOEL: Oh, the inanity!
CROW: See what I mean? The bot is just cannon fodder or comic relief!
Nobody loves the bot...
JOEL: And on that thought, time for something much the same.
[More commercials, mostly repeats of one we've already seen. Blah.]
[Back in the theater...]
> ------
> Katherine looked at the night sky horrified. Just a split second before, her best friend in the > world, Blip, had taken a firerocket for Tinkerbell. She stood there, cold, feeling numb with
JOEL: Hypothermia?
> sorrow and fear. Just then, a voice behind her broke the errie silence.
> "What the bloody heck was that?" It was Jack.
TOM: See, he's British! He said 礎loody'!
> Katherine turned around slowly. "Blip... He got that... fire rocket jammed in him..." she >choked on every word.
CROW: (Wakko Warner) Goodbye, Old Screamer!
> "Is that what hit me on the head?" Jack asked. He held out a chunk of what used to be Blip. > It was the part that was Blip's screen, where his eyes were displayed, and a few more circuits >and such hanging off it.
JOEL: (Jack) Yeah... that hit me on the head... and I got freaked and
trampled it a little... sorry about irrevocably destroying your
creation and best friend in the world and all.
> Katherine grabbed the chunk from Jack's hand. She looked at the
backside, where the circuit >boards and such were. "Hey, most of these
are OK. Maybe I could..." she started. But she never > finished.
Instead, she flipped the hunk over, revealing the screen. For some weird
moment, >there was a glimmer of hope that two green eyes would pop up on
that black screen of his. But > they didn't. There were only two green
lines, that only appeared when he shut his eyes, which > just made
things worse.
CROW: Of course, if she created and programmed him, she programmed that
herself... oh, never mind.
> She fell on her knees, too totaly sorrownful to even cry. Just then, the Park police and Toby >Simpson passed them. The Park Police had Jasper handcuffed and chained.
> "So," Toby asked a struggling Jasper, "Tell me again why you want to bring down >Cyberlife?
TOM: (Jasper) Because it's the integral link in our plan to rule the
world! You'll see! Pinky and I will succeed one day!
> "I was always jealous of you!" Jasper snarled. "You an' Ben were always the family >favorites!"
> "What the-" Toby stood still for a minute in awe. "How the hey am I related to you?"
JOEL: (Jasper) Tooooooobyyyyyy.... I am your faaaaaaatherrrrrr....
> Jasper struggled a bit more, then settled down and explained: "You're my Aunt's uncle's >cousin's brother's sister's son's cousin's mom's adopted brother's half-uncle."
> "And what does that make us?" Toby demanded.
> "Uhm..." Jasper thought a minute. "I have no idea."
> Toby guestered to the Park Police. "Take him away." Then he walked over to Katherine and > bent over, and placed his hand on her shoulder. "I'm very sorry about what happened to Blip." > he replied "But I think this is yours." He handed her another chunk of Blip. Katherine sat there, > looking at the two chunks.
TOM: (Bones) He's dead, Katherine.
They fit together nearly perfectly, and most of the ciruitry wasn't
damaged.
CROW: Sooo... spill liquid on computer = computer fried, but computer
hit by
fireworks = no problem!
> All of a sudden, Katherine raised up. "Hey- most of the important stuff is still there- The >memory, the main startup system, the OS, the emobord... I think I can fix this!"
TOM: (Katherine) Of course, then it'll explode, and we'll be back to
square one.
> Jack looked confused. "An emoboard? What's that?"
JOEL: (Katherine) Oops, I meant emery board. See, Blip helped me do my
nails...
> Katherine leaned tword him. "See that right there?" She answered, pointing to the front >half of the dead Blip. "THAT'S an emoboard, short for Emotion Board. It was what allowed >Blip to show emotions like he did. Sorrow, joy, sarcasim, it all took place right here."
> Toby peaked over their sholder. "Really? Would you mind to mail us one sometime?" >Katherine agreed.
CROW: That's our Katherine - mad enough to create something like the
HoloDeck, but still stupid enough not to even consider a patent.
> As she aggreed, the man who was helping Tinkerbell came up to them, carrying Jenna. "I >think this is yours." He responded, and set Jenna on the ground.
JOEL: (Katherine) Hey, wait! This isn't our norn! It's too shaggy!
> He then lumbered off.
TOM: (singing) Oh, he's a lumberjack, and he's OK.
> Everyone looked up to the night sky, where the fireworks were going on. "Jack," Katherine > started quietly, "I- I'm not sure I could watch anymore fireworks." Just then, the last one >sounded. Toby exused himself, and everyone else walked to the Bus Stop.
CROW: (singing) The Blue Bus is caaaallllling us!
> * * * * *
> On the bus, Katherine held tight to the two halves of Blip. Susan looked over in Katherine's > direction. "Katherine," Susan began. "I've been watching you tonight. And I've been >wondering, could you two- You and Blip - be more than just 'lab partners'?"
JOEL: (Katherine) Well... we weren't going to come out as a couple
until the Senior Prom.
> Katherine winced. It was a topic she dare not disscuss. She liked to think of Blip as solely a > lab partner, a co-worker, nothing more. But deep down, waaay deep down inside her, she knew > he wasn't.
TOM: So, her spleen knows.
> "Really, you claim you're just 'lab partners', " Susan continued, "But sometimes I think that >there's some kind of- friendship."
> Katherine never wanted to admit it, not even to herself, but Blip was probobly her BEST >friend.
CROW: Ooh, not only are they friends, but they're pro-Bob.
JOEL: You sure there? I could swear Katherine was a Pink...
> He always understood what she talked about, they always laughed at the same things, and had > the same interests. It was possible that he could of been like that because she had programmed > him,
TOM: No! Really?
> but she was six when she created him, and things do change, so it was doubtful. "No," she >replied quickly, "Not possible."
> Susan looked at Katherine with that patented 'one eye's kinda squinted and one eyebrow's >raised' look, that meant she was highly suspicious of her,
CROW: Ah, she means O_o.
TOM: Say, how do you pronounce O_o anyway?
> but then turned and looked out the window. Katherine sat, deep in thought. Was it possible >that she really was ...friends with Blip? No, it was totaly out of the question. But still, there was > a little nagging voice inside of Katherine that told her Susan was right. She looked left, then >right, and gave the dead Blip a hug.
CROW: Joel, I'd just like to say here, bot to creator, that I'm
*extremely* glad you don't hug me often, and I *really* hope you don't
hug me when I'm dead.
JOEL: No problem, little buddy. It's the least I can do.
> Realizing what she'd done, she mentaly smacked herself and turned tword the window.
> * * * * *
> "Are you done?" Susan called. She was speaking to Katherine, who had made a makeshift >lab in the Hotel Bathroom.
> "Nearly!" Katherine called back. She was trying to rember how she had wired Blip, because > simply, it had been 7 years since his creation, and she hadn't done anything like that since. >There was a minor explosion, and then Katherine came out with a repaired Blip.
TOM: I can't believe there was a time when I kinda looked forward to
the explosions. I guess this story has deadened me to all that.
> "His battery will need to be charged, but I salvaged everything. He looks as good as new!" She > exclaimed in total joy. Bounding over to the plug by her bed, she plugged Blip in.
> Slowly, two green dots for eyes formed on his dark black screen. "Where the hey WAS I?" > Blip asked.
JOEL: Oh, just a local chop shop. I got some clean cash for some of
your circuit breakers.
> Katherine began to dance around the room, glad to have her fri- I mean 'lab partner' back.
TOM: See? Further evidence she's a norn. She's doing the Happy Dance.
> Then she shook her head and sat down on the bed. "What do you rember?" She asked.
> "Wow- It's all comming back." Blip seemed daized. "I- I rember! Tinkerbell refused to listen > to me, so without a second's thought, I dived down below her, and... then... everything sort of >went black..."
> "You were hit by a firerocket." Katherine explained. "But look, we'll talk in the morning. >You need to stay down there on the ground and charge." Everyone then decided bed sounded >like a good idea.
JOEL: (Katherine) Goodnight, Blip Boy.
CROW: (Blip) Goodnight, Susie Ellen.
TOM: (Susan) Goodnight, Katherine Walton.
> Later, after everyone had tucked themselfs in, Katherine heard a voice. It was Blip.
> "Katherine?" he asked.
> "Yeah?" She ansered.
CROW: (Blip) There's a monster behind this socket and I'm afraid of the
dark and read me another bedtime story!!
> "I- I really missed you." Blip sighed.
> "I- guess I really missed you too." Katherine replied. Then she rolled over, ignored that >little voice that was nagging at her, insisting Susan was right, and fell asleep.
JOEL: Aww, heartwarming. And now, some Aryan Mentos people.
[Stay tuned for the exciting conclusion! Enh... who am I kidding.]