MiSTed: X-Raider [1/9]
arma...@hotmail.com
newsgroup at least something new. Please respond to the newsgroup or the
addresses at the end, since my Hotmail address is not checked regurlarly.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
X-Raider, Part One
WRITTEN BY: Michael L. Emery
MSTED BY: Jamie Jeans a.k.a. JOLT!!!
Blazej "B" Szpakowicz
Håkan Svensson
JAMIE JEANS: My first team up with B and my second collaboration with
Håkan. It's good to be back working with him. It's also good to work with
B, considering that he's a damn good rookie MSTer. Well guys? Shall we
get to the fanfic?
B: I dunno if I'd consider myself a rookie anymore... But that's just
semantics. And thank you for the compliment, Jamie! Anyway, this is my first
team-up with *either* Jamie or Håkan. And now, on to one of the most boring
fanfics in existence... :P
LEGAL STUFF: All the characters and concepts of Mystery Science Theater
3000 belongs to Best Brains Inc. Please do not sue us for we are merely
borrowing your characters and not making any claim on them. Alexander
Misamoto is a creation of Jamie Jeans and can be used with permission.
Now, on to the story!!!
________________________________________________________________________
Michael J. Nelson stared out the window on the bridge of the Satellite of
Love, staring wistfully at his home planet, spinning merrily around as it
orbited the sun. Tom Servo hovered onto the bridge, only to be completely
ignored by Mike.
"Hey Mike, d'you knew where Crow is?" Tom asked.
The correct answer to this question would have been a polite, "No Tom, I'm
afraid not." or possibly a "I'm sorry, but I am contemplating the infinite
mysteries of existence." Mike's actual answer--to whit: "....."--was not on
the list.
Tom, understandably perturbed, sighed and hovered higher, getting right up
close to Mike's ear. "HEY MIKE!!!"
"AHHH!!! What did you do that for?" Mike asked after checking to see if his
eardrums were still in one piece, more or less.
"Oh, I just had to get your attention." Tom replied cheerfully, "Now, do you
know where Crow is?"
"No, I don't."
*thump* Thump* *THUMP*
"Now that's not normal," Tom remarked.
"Oh, that must be him!" Mike said.
"It sounds like it's coming from outside..." Tom started
"Good point," Mike said, "Cambot, give us Rocket Number 9!"
As the scene shifted to the outside of the SOL, the camera showed Crow
being carried by a man dressed entirely in black with blazing white
eyes. The young man was pounding on the entrance to the airlock,
beginning to leave dents in the metal skin.
"Who's that?" Mike asked. "And d'you think he can fix my car?"
"Huh?" Tom asked in a "what-the-heck-is-he-babbling-about voice.
"Well, I need the axles realigned and..."
"Uh, Mike... Slight problem here. You see, you're here and the car is down
there." Tom indicated the Earth with a nod of his head.
"Oh, I knew that!" Mike replied, "Still, I wonder who he is..."
"Well, let 'em in and find out!" Tom said in a "man-are-those-humans-pathetic"
type of voice.
Mike complied and soon, Crow and the man in black entered. A few minutes
later, the golden robot and the young man walked into the bridge. Both were
covered in frost and the young man removed his mask, revealing a young, thin
head with silver eyes and short cropped silver hair.
"You'll never believe who this is!" Crow said.
"All right..." Mike said as he eyed the silver hair and eyes. "Shion's
younger brother?"
"No, I'm..." the young man started.
"Lemme guess..." Tom interrupted, "Uh... Santa Claus?"
"'Santa Claus'?" Mike asked in a tone that clearly said, "and-he-thinks-I'm-
stupid?"
"No!" the young man said. "I'm Alexander Misamoto! Samantha Jones's
younger brother!" He stuck out a hand which Mike shook.
"Younger brother?" Tom asked, slightly skeptical.
"Same father, different mother," Alex replied.
"Funniest thing! There I was, just doing a little bit of repair outside,
when I spotted him, just flying along..." Crow started.
"What *were* you doing outside?" Tom asked suspiciously.
"Just doing some repairs," Crow answered quickly, simultaneously praying that
the subject could be dropped forthwith.
"Repairs on what?" Tom asked again.
"You know... stuff..."
"The satellite dish with the hook up to the playboy channel went down
again, didn't it?"
Crow sighed and hung his head. "Yes."
Tom chuckled and turned to Mike and Alexander. "So this isn't the
Satellite of Nitro?" Alexander asked.
"No, that's in a higher orbit than ours," Mike replied.
"Oh no! I missed it!"
"I'm impressed you got this close," Crow said, "there's so *many* nutcases out
there who seem to think the best way to take over the world is to make people
read bad fanfics... This part of space is really jammed with them!"
Tom was about to ask why the young man had wanted to get to the SON when
the red light started to flash. "Oh, sweet and sour are calling," he
said, hovering up and landing on the button.
DEEP 13
"Ah! Hello boobies! And how are you..." Dr. Forrester, accompanied as always
by his faithful assistant/slave, TV's Frank, stopped as he spotted the
new person. "And who, young man, might you be?"
SATELLITE OF LOVE
"Me? I'm Alexander Misamoto! Samantha Jones's younger brother!" Alex
answered.
"Oh, that was brilliant..." Tom muttered quietly.
DEEP 13
"You're her brother?!" Dr. Forrester asked, obviously in shock. Then his
face grew red with anger. "You know, I completely fail to see the
resemblance... Oh, who cares?! Her BROTHER???"
"Now take it easy Clayton," Frank warned. "Remember what the doctor said
about your blood pressure..."
"I don't care! If I want to scream bloody murder at someone, Frank, you can
be certain I will do just that. As for *you*," he pointed straight at Alex,
"For just being *related* to that red-haired renegade, I'll be sending you
up today's experiment!"
SATELLITE OF LOVE
Mike held a large paint gun in his hands that looked to have been
heavily modified. It was outfitted with a laser sight and an extremely
thick barrel. "But what about our new and improved paint guns, sir?"
"It's range is good up to three kilometers and it has..." Tom started in a
desperate attempt to delay the inevitable.
Unfortunately, it didn't quite work.
DEEP 13
"You'll wish that was *real* gun once you've received today's painful
little fanfic! It's a delightful little crossover between X-Files and
Tomb Raider. Enjoy! Or not..." Dr. Forrester began laughing maniacally,
stopping only once to tell Frank to send up the fic.
SATELLITE OF LOVE
"OH NO, WE'VE GOT FANFIC SIGN!!!" Mike and the Bots shouted as they started
running about.
"Huh?" was Alex's response.
"Duck your head and follow us in, kid," Crow said as he tugged on the
young man's arm. "This fanfic sounds like it's gonna go down hard!"
[DOOR SEQUENCE... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1...]
[Mike entered first, with Tom in his hands, and placed the red robot in
the third seat while he took the second. Crow followed closely behind
with Alex in tow, the robot taking the first seat while Alex sat in the
fourth.]
ALEX: So you guys don't do this voluntarily? That mean scientist forces
you to watch this stuff?
MIKE: Yeah.
CROW: Ain't it a bummer?
> X-Raider
ALEX: Sounds like a cross between X-wing and Indiana Jones, don't
ya think?
CROW: It sounds more like an X-Men/Raiders of the Lost Ark Crossover.
TOM: Or maybe an X The Movie/Raiders crossover.
MIKE: We seem to be a bit stuck on the Raiders part...
TOM: Well, it's either Indiana Jones or pro Football, and the second is
so fundamentally wrong that it's probably already been done.
> Part One
ALEX: Of a collectable series of ten!
> by Michael L. Emery, © August 1997
TOM: The other months are in public domain.
>
> Lara burned down Pacific Coast Highway on her motorcycle,
CROW: After incinerating the Santa Monica Freeway first.
MIKE: You know, I never saw Lara "tigerkiller" Croft as a tree-hugger.
ALEX: That reminds me, aren't tigers an endangered species because of
her?
>the wind
>whiped her hair like a bullwhip.
ALEX: <Lara> *SLAP* Oww... *SLAP* Oww... *SLAP* Oww...
MIKE: See, I said it was an Indiana Jones crossover!
CROW: Didn't all of us say that?
> She was in California to help assist on a most exciting quest.
TOM: To pay homage at the Great Shrine of Ronald Reagan?
ALEX: To search for the lost Ark?
MIKE: She's helping Ator find his mighty sword, right?
>The
>quest to find the sunken ship of Bloodbeard the Vanquisher.
ALEX: No relation, of course, to Blackbeard the Pirate.
>As she rounded
>the corner and headed towards the ocean docks, Lara wondered if anything
>unusual would occur.
TOM: She wondered if this fanfic would win its author the Nobel Prize for
Literature?
MIKE: Sorry, Lara, but it's just going to be the usual leaping-dangerous-
chasms-searching-for-lost-artifacts routine.
CROW: Yeah, you get so stuck in a groove doing that.
> It seems strange things had been happening
CROW: The U.S. won the World Cup??
>ever since she landed here yesterday.
TOM: Well, this *is* California.
> Things started out normal enough with a simple phone call from a man
>named Jackson Bullock.
ALEX: Sandra Bullock's long lost, evil, twin brother?
> It seemed he was close to finally discovering the location of the lost
>ship of Bloodbeard.
TOM: I think it's next to "Erik the Viking" in the Monty Python vault of
embarrassment.
MIKE: That's Yellowbeard, Tom.
>A vile man of the 1700's,
CROW: He fully believed in the motto "Guns don't kill people, soap
does."
>who left behind trails of slughtered people wherever he went.
TOM: Oh, he's a tax collector!
ALEX: Shhh... the IRS might hear you!
>His ship sank mysteriously one night,
MIKE: ...a dark and stormy night...
>leaving no known survivors, and oddly, no debris.
ALEX: The first window bottom ship of the 1700's was a dismal failure.
> Mr. Bullock had been searching for the sunken vessel for many years,
>and had been fortunate enough to discover documentation of the last known
>village Bloodbeard and his men had raided.
TOM: Oakland?
ALEX: Atlantis?
CROW: Does this mean that this exposition is over and we get to the tomb
raiding bit?
MIKE: I don't think so, Crow.
>The author of the document was a simple writer
ALL: [snicker]
>who happened upon a conversation by two of Bloodbeard's men.
MIKE: Of course, it had just been an argument between the two of them about
who was to do the laundry, so he'd sort of had to fake all the
important stuff...
>He had overheard where they were planning to strike next.
TOM: Mind you, he didn't really understand why they were planning to raid a
retirement home, but...
>This document, along with relative travel time estimates,
CROW: Could be sold for a large sum on the local Black Market.
ALEX: Or to help get a campfire going.
CROW: Oh, I like your idea better!
>provided Jackson Bullock with a
>rough idea about which direction was taken that fateful night.
ALEX: <Bloodbeard> Left! No... right! No... North? Uh, maybe South?
Perhaps East?
TOM: Wouldn't that be, um, the direction they were planning to go?
> He had told Lara of a fear that his team would turn against him,
>through greed,
CROW: Over gluttony, and around pride.
>if they were allowed to get their hands on the sunken ship.
ALEX: After all, everyone is greedy and should not be trusted.
>Which Lara could believe, considering that Bloodbeard was said to possess
>the Xentau,
CROW: Stately home of Charles Foster Kane?
MIKE: No, I think you misread that...
>a mystical blue orb said to protect one from attack.
ALEX: Oh, the Holy Cheat Codes of Atlantis?
TOM: And a fat load of good it did for Bloodbeard.
> Lara had been hesitant at first about joining Mr. Bullock. She barely
>knew him beyond a few articles and some television interviews.
MIKE: On what? "America's Least Wanted?"
TOM: Come on, Mike. This guy's a perfect candidate for Jerry Springer.
>But there
>was something in the aged man's voice appealed to her, so she accepted.
TOM: Hey, Michael, you misspelled "wallet" as "voice" there.
MIKE: Hey!
TOM: Oh, sorry! Not you, the other Michael.
CROW: Lara Croft: treasure hunter and expert phonologist.
ALEX: I guess those subliminal messages in voice lessons are paying off...
> Inside, she was estatic. She
ALEX: Had drank plenty of coffee the previous night.
>could actually be one of the people who
>finally solves the mystery of how
CROW: The story suddenly turned into present tense.
>or why Bloodbeard the Vanquisher's ship
>sank. Not to mention being able to see and hold the Xentau.
ALEX: <Lara> I'll be invincible!
MIKE: Actually, the first few Xentaus were something to have, but then
Piers really lost his inspiration.
>Jackson Bullock had made arraingements
TOM: Oh, they're filming this in Seattle.
>to fly her out to the United States, to meet him
TOM: Oh, are they eloping?
>in California.
MIKE: The official home of the Great and Ancient Order of Freaks and
Weirdos.
CROW: And Earthquakes and Riots!
>He was adament about not telling her more until she was off the
>plane and in a Hotel.
ALEX: And this will, of course, not make her suspicious in any way
whatsoever.
>At which time Lara was instructed to call him from a
>pay phone to find out what she was to do next.
ALEX: <sarcastic> Oh yeah. Real subtle...like a sledgehammer to the
head.
MIKE: I admire the attempt to add drama and an element of uncertainty to
the story, but it just somehow seems flawed...
> Once on the flight, Lara had settled into a good book
ALEX: *whistle* Wow! That book must be big!
>to help make the long flight go quicker.
ALEX: I didn't know books made good jet fuel.
>A book from her extensive, expensive, and massive
TOM: Yes?
>Library.
TOM: Oh.
ALEX: Hey! I played Tomb Raider 2 before and I know for a *fact* that
Lara has no library in her mansion.
>A book detailing the carnage
CROW: ...of closing time at Macy's during discount season?
>and mysterious death of Bloodbeard the Vanquisher.
MIKE: If he gets nicks like that, he really should switch to Gilette.
CROW: Yeah, talk about getting your Shick out of shape.
> Sometime in 1726, Bloodbeard had managed to totally devastate a
>village in Spain called Trelan.
MIKE: Ah, that's a *very* Spanish name!
ALEX: Did this guy just toss a bunch of scrabble pieces on the floor to
get this name?
>When he and his men were through, every
>village man was disemboweled,
TOM: Okay, who spewed all these innards over my lawn?
>and every woman violated and killed.
CROW: Hopefully in that order.
MIKE: <Bloodbeard> And remember everyone, pillage *before* you burn!
ALEX: So, in other words, he didn't get the Humanity Award, right?
>The childeren were taken aboard Bloodbeard's ship,
TOM: Where they spent all their days making counterfeit doilies.
>where they became his slave
>workers, once a hot brand marked their thighs with his initials. He
>considered them his property, like livestock.
TOM: So, he's, like, a bad guy?
MIKE: I don't know. The author makes him too morally ambiguous for me to
say that.
ALEX: If they're branded like livestock, what kind of beef do they rate
at?
>Among the many valuables that
>they looted, Bloodbeard had aquired the Xentau.
MIKE: ...but lost a "c".
CROW: The Xentau: the secret ingredient that makes the dish finger lickin'
good!
>The mystical blue orb that
>was said to bring whomever does weild it, great power.
ALEX: <Spider-man> With great power comes great responsibility.
>Power that would
>insure victory over any enemy.
MIKE: Except in poker, for some strange reason...
> Its origin was unknown, though it has been traced as far back as
>ancient Egypt during the time of King Ascentonia, in 109 B.C.
TOM: And this is relevant because...?
CROW: Whoa, hold on. King Ascen-what?
MIKE: He must have been one of those really minor Pharaohs that all
histories of the era have simultaneously decided to ignore.
>Unfortunate
>for the people of Trelan, they had choseen to not risk being corrupted by
>the Xentau, and had kept it locked away in a wooden box within the cellar
>of the village cleric.
ALEX: Considering it's a cleric, I wouldn't doubt it if that was the
*wine* cellar.
TOM: Sounds like they went to the Hogoblins school of keeping incredibly
dangerous things secure.
>Bloodbeard however, had very much so put it to use.
MIKE: So, Bloodbeard got this orb thingy and used it to win battles,
right?
TOM: I think so.
ALEX: I'm not sure... it's kinda confusing.
MIKE: Couldn't he just *say* that then?
TOM: You kidding? This is Michael "Why use one word when fifty will do?"
Emery we're talking about!
> Though many speculate the true reasons for Bloodbeard's victories, the
>fact remained that he not so much as lost one crewman after possessing the
>blue orb. Debate continues to blaze
ALEX: <imitates wood burning>
TOM: Unlike this fic which has long since sputtered and died.
>as to what really happened the night
>his ship sank, and why the Xentau did not prevent it.
ALEX: Maybe the batteries ran out?
MIKE: Maybe the Xentau was a piece of junk and didn't work?
> Lara's flight had taken eleven and a half hours,
CROW: And I guess you want to make us feel like we've sat through every
single one of them, right?
TOM: If this was real Tomb Raider, by now Lara would have killed four
wolves, two panthers, three bats, and a dodo who happened to pass
by.
ALEX: And she hasn't been reported to the SPCA yet?
>which she occupied
>not only by reading the book, but by re-reading the magazine article
>interviews with Jackson Bullock.
MIKE: At least it's a comfort to know that Lara is as bored with this
fanfic as we are.
TOM: Yeah.
ALEX: ZZZZzzzzz...
MIKE: Hey, wake up! If I can't get out of these fics that way, then neither
can you!
> Once on the ground, Lara had proceeded to baggage claim.
CROW: EXTREEEME baggage claim ACTION!
ALEX: And she was told her luggage was currently heading towards New
Zealand.
>That was
>where she had her first strange encounter.
ALL: [hum 'Twilight Zone' theme]
> Airport Police watched Lara get her bags, and had stopped her at
>customs. She had been taken to a windowless room, and
MIKE: ...forced to watch fifteen straight hours of Power Rangers.
>her bags were
>searched.
TOM: Will the customs discover the extra can of beer in the hand
luggage? The tension is somewhat bearable.
>A female member of the Police had entered the room, putting on
>rubber gloves.
ALEX: Gyah! We did not need to know that!
>And when the men left, Lara knew that it was not going to be
>just her bags that were to be completely searched.
> After about thirty minutes or so, Lara was free to go.
MIKE: You know, some things just don't work in prose.
CROW: Yeah.
>When she had
>entered the hallway, she looked to her right and had seen the female
>officer who had inspected her. She was talking to a sinister looking man
>who was puffing on a cigarette.
TOM: *gasp* It's Denis Leary!
MIKE: Run before he does one of his acts!
ALEX: Or goes on a rant about something!
>He was dressed nothing like the Airport
>Police, yet the female officer had carried herself as if addressing her
>superior.
ALEX: That must be hard to do, considering gravity and all.
TOM: <Officer> Okay, I did what you wanted, now gimme back my bunny
wabbit!
> Lara had shrugged it off,
CROW: And another scene just kinda peters out...
>and left to claim her motorcycle,
MIKE: Or rather, to identify the remains.
ALEX: <Lara, mad> Didn't the baggage department see the Fragile warning
on it?
>which she
>learned had also been searched.
ALEX: And stripped.
TOM: <Officer> Okay, let's check if she's filled the tires with tear
gas...
>She rode to the Hotel that Jackson Bullock
>had suggested, which only took a little over forty minutes.
ALEX: Reading this fanfic feels like it's been forty hours.
>Once inside the
>Hotel, Lara had checked in under the name, Flo Cartar, an anagram for her
>real name.
BOTS: [snicker]
MIKE: Let me guess - she was tutored in stealth by Nehpets Ffiltar.
>She uses it when anonimity is preferred, which she felt this
>situation warrented.
ALEX: Which was kinda useless since she didn't see the guys in the black
sedan who had followed her.
TOM: What anonymity? It hardly takes an Albert Einstein to solve an
anagram!
> After going to her room and taking a nice hot shower, Lara had called
>Mr. Bullock. He gave her a dock slip number and said to meet him there at
>8:30 the following morning.
MIKE: But at which second? You're leaving out all the details, man!
> Once finished, Lara hung up and proceeded to visit the Hotel
>restaurant and satisfy her hunger pangs.
ALEX: *yawn* You ever get the feeling that this fanfic is like a
sedative?
> That was when she had her second strange encounter.
ALL: [hum 'Close Encounters of the Third Kind' theme]
> She had settled into her chair and was perusing
MIKE: I wish we hadn't used up our yearly quota of "Warrior Brand Thesaurus"
jokes already...
>the menu, when an elderly couple had approached her.
TOM: Oh, old people! In a fanfic, those are invariably evil!
>They asked if they could share a table with Lara,
ALEX: To which Lara replied, "Which half do you want?"
>because otherwise they would be waiting twenty minutes for a
>table, and would
CROW: ...collapse from exhaustion by the time the sentence was finished.
>miss a favorite program on television.
MIKE: Make your own Grandpa Simpson/Matlock joke here.
>Lara had welcomed them with a smile.
CROW: We used up our quota of "Nuku Nuku School of Smiling" jokes too,
didn't we?
> As they ate, the three of them had engaged in small conversation.
ALEX: Which might have been really interesting had the author put any
effort into it.
>And
>continued on after the meal, until almost an hour had passed.
MIKE: <Elderly Couple> What? We wanted to watch something on TV? Ah, who
cares! It was probably a rerun, anyway!
TOM: <announcer> Watch as the tension mounts in the exciting eating
scene! Will she do it? Will she take her coffee with one sugar, or
drink it black?
>The couple
>then quickly excused themselves, and rushed to get back to their room and
>watch the show.
MIKE: Or the credits thereof, anyway.
>As the couple entered the elevator, Lara had suddenly
>realized that the couple had said, "Have a good night, Lara." But she had
>told them her name was Flo Cartar, the name she registered under.
ALEX: Curiouser and curiouser...
CROW: Old people getting names wrong? Shocking! What next?
> Upon reaching her room and unlocking the door, Lara had opened it to
>find that her things had been gone through.
ALEX: Dear god! There's nighties and bras all over the place!
CROW: Oh, how surprising. And here I thought the purpose of the
distraction was to secretly remodel her room.
>It didn't take more than a few
>moments for Lara to realize that the nice elderly couple was obvious sent
>to keep her busy, while the room was being searched..
MIKE: Damn that elderly couple!
CROW: Yes, with the old people of today, what is the world coming to?
>She had repacked all
>of her things, and promptly exited the Hotel.
ALEX: Well, that alias trick certainly worked out good, didn't it?
>She rode for a good twenty
>minutes, before she finally pulling into a cheap Motel.
TOM: <Lara> Hmm... Bates Motel, huh?
ALEX: I don't get it.
TOM: You know... Psycho? Oh, never mind.
>She had registered as Tara C. Rolf, another anagram.
CROW: She doesn't try too hard, does she?
TOM: Did she put on a Groucho Marx disguise as well? That would be about
as subtle.
>Though she managed to get a good night
>sleep, her weapons remained ready under her pillow, just in case.
ALEX: Ah! The good, faithful, unlimited ammo guns!
TOM: Okay, now this is getting stupid. She was searched in customs, her
room and motorbike were searched too. How on Earth did she manage
to hide her guns?
MIKE: Beats me. Crow, do you have any idea where she could have hidden
her guns?
CROW: Nope.
> Lara parked her motorcycle and made her way down to the docks of
>Redondo Beach.
ALEX: Lara went here, Lara went there, Lara did this, Lara did that... I
think that about sums up all the action we're going to see in this
fanfic.
CROW: You know, this whole chapter strikes me as Redondont.
>Going down the stone steps, she looked for dock slip # 26,
TOM: Can you *please* trip over a loose board and drown? Or just
*anything* to make this thing *end* already?
>where Jackson Bullock had said that he would meet her. Upon finding it, she
>eyed the Sunray 630 Sundancer parked there.
MIKE: <Lara> Where *did* I leave my lockpicks...?
>Mr. Bullock was obviously not
>having financial problems if he could have afforded one of those.
TOM: Look, nothing personal here, Mr. Emery, but we really couldn't care
*less* whether or not Mr. Bullock was independently wealthy!
ALEX: Oh come on! I have two of those.
CROW: Really?
ALEX: Actually, just the models.
> Lara saw a tall, dark haired, man wearing a dark blue trenchcoat, who
>was standing near the end of the docking slip. He was dressed nicely, bold
>tie and all.
MIKE: A bold, manly tie, fresh out of the Royal Air Force!
> "Hello there." Lara said to the man, thinking it must be one of
>Jackson's workers.
TOM: I take it Jackson's workers were regularly issued Armani suits?
> He turned to her. "Is this your Sundancer?" he asked.
CROW: No, I think Lara counts more as a Vixen.
> "Oh, my no." Lara said.
ALEX: Kasumi *is* Lara Croft.
>"I'm meeting someone here."
> The man looked at her more directly.
TOM: Uh-oh, her Spidey sense is kicking in.
>"Who are you meeting?"
> Lara felt the tingle of suspicion. "I'm sorry, who are you exactly?"
CROW <Mulder>: I'm the sole and rightful hero, of course. Didn't you read
the fine print on your contract?
> The man reached into his coat. For a moment there, Lara thought the
>man was going to pull a gun out. But he instead pulled out a billfold. A
>badge actually.
MIKE: Hey, make up your mind, Mr. Author!
> "I'm Special Agent Fox Mulder, with the F.B.I."
ALEX: We have crossover!
TOM: But what about the cigarette man?
ALEX: [thinks for a moment] We have *offical* crossover!
> Strange encounter number three.
ALL: [Hum the haunting Torgo theme]
>
> TO BE CONTINUED...
MIKE: Oh, well, in that case, I think we can get out of here now.
ALL: [exeunt]
[DOOR SEQUENCE... 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7...]
"Well..." Alex paused as he thought of the words that would be best to
describe the fanfic. "... it was boring..."
"And long..." Tom added.
"And pointless..." Crow said.
"And had one too many words in it," Mike finished. "Or three, or four, or
five... Or sixty-eight thousand."
"Well it was interesting, Mike, but I had better get going now. I need
to find the SON and..." Alex was cut off when the red light started
flashing.
"Hold that though Alex," Mike said as he tapped the button. "Hello sirs.
We're still alive and sane here, I'm sorry to inform you."
DEEP 13
"Drat! I was sure the slow, wordiness of the story would have melted
their minds into jello!" Dr. Forrester growled. Then he brightened up.
"But there are eight more parts! You will break... oh you shall!!!
BWAHAHAHAHA!!!"
SATELLITE OF LOVE
A colossal scream of fear swept through the SOL.
"At least I won't be here to see it guys. Good luck!" Alex said as he
made his way to the airlock. However, a barrier of energy suddenly
jumped up in his path and he bounced off it.
"Hey! What gives?"
DEEP 13:
"And you'll be joining them for every single part, SilverStrike!" Dr.
Forrester laughed.
SATELLITE OF LOVE
A second scream of fright went through the SOL.
DEEP 13
"Push the button, Frank," Dr. Forrester instructed.
"Live to serve, oh evil one," Frank said as he pushed the button.
BLIP!!!
\ /
\ /
\ /
0
/ \
/ \
/ \
FWOOOSSSHHH!!!
________________________________________________________________________
Please send any C & C to
JOLT!!! at: xw...@uniserve.com
B at: z...@csi.uottawa.ca
Håkan at: d95...@nada.kth.se
-----== Posted via Deja News, The Leader in Internet Discussion ==-----
http://www.dejanews.com/rg_mkgrp.xp Create Your Own Free Member Forum