[MiSTED] High-Tech Crime Syndicate in Ohio
Joseph Curwen
and Crow are standing close by.]
Tom: Mike, when's it MY turn?
Crow: After *MY* turn!
Tom: Nuh-uh! I go next!
Crow: Nuh-uh! Its me!
Mike: You know, I didn't spend hours and hours assembling this computer
from scrap laying around in the cargo bay just to have you two fight
over it!
Crow: Yeah, Tom!
Tom: Don't 'yeah, Tom' me, Crow!
[The lights on the front counter begin flashing.]
Mike [not turning away from his game]: Now be quiet, you two. The Pearl Zoo
is calling!
[Pearl's castle. A large PC computer blocks the view of whoever is clacking
at the keyboard. The clacking of keys stops and Professor Bobo peeks over
the monitor.]
Bobo [waving a paw]: Oh, hello, Mike! I've finally got into the nineties!
I'm *ON THE INTERNET!* Yesserree! You know, its so easy with America
Online! I'm on the INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY now as we speak! I'm on
something called the Usenet, just waiting for some messages or
something.
[Back on the SoL. Mike spins around in his chair to face Cambot.]
Mike: And, how long have you been waiting, Bobo?
Bobo: Well, only about twenty minutes or so!
Mike: Bobo, that's too long. You should get some help, there's something
wrong!
Bobo: Well, I guess I could ask Brain Guy. HEY BRAIN GUY!
[Brain Guy, carrying his brain dish, wanders up to Bobo]
Brain Guy [annoyed]: Oh, what is it, Bobo?!
Bobo: This is taking too long!
Brain Guy: Indeed.
[Brain Guy thrusts his head toward the computer, and the air whistles with
the mysterious sound that signals Brain Guy's Omnipotent Power being used.
Cobwebs spread over Bobo and the computer.]
Brain Guy: There you are, Bobo. [Begins to wander off.]
Bobo: Wow! Here's the messages I was waiting for! What did you do?
Brain Guy: Oh, I simply folded the space-time continuum in your immediate
area, making a great deal of time go by while to you it seemed as
though mere moments had elapsed. [Begins to wander off again.]
Bobo: How much time went by?
Brain Guy [annoyed]: Oh, about three days! [Wanders off.]
[Pearl runs up to Bobo.]
Pearl [smacking Bobo on the head over and over]: Bobo! Where have you been?!
I had several heavy lifting jobs that needed to get done! Its been days
since anybody has seen you!
Bobo [shielding his head with his paws]: I've been on the information
superhighway, Lawgiver!
Pearl [stops hitting Bobo]: What's that on the screen, there? Hmmm...
[reads screen for a few moments] THIS IS JUST THE THING I WAS LOOKING
FOR!
Bobo: What is it, Lawgiver?
Pearl [turning away from Bobo to Mike and the Bots]: Brace yourself,
Smellson! I'm throwing one hell of a stinkburger your way! You're going
to
choke on the 'High-Tech Crime Syndicate in Ohio'! BRAIN GUY, SEND THIS
STUFF TO THE SATELLITE!
[Back on the SoL. Lights are flashing and alarms are going off. Mike, Tom
and
Crow are standing, looking confused.]
Tom: If Brain Guy folded the space-time continuum in the way he described,
then why didn't three days go by for us? I mean, its only been a few
minutes!
Crow: I don't know...
Mike: No time now, guys! We've got USENET SIGN!
Crow: Oh, boy.
1...
2...
3...
4...
5...
>From: Carol Paliwoda <capal...@megsinet.net>
>Subject: HIGH-TECH CRIME SYNDICATE IN OHIO
Tom: I think we're in for some pain, guys.
>Date: Thursday, July 30, 1998 4:38 AM
Mike: 4:38AM?!
Crow: I guess net loons don't sleep.
>I wish to report a bizarre crime situation in the Maple
>Heights, Ohio area
Mike: Mimes are mugging people for Monopoly money.
>(a suburb of Cleveland, USA) using a form of radiation-based mind
>control.
Crow: I can hear the plutonium's eldritch commands calling me...
Tom [as Mesmer]: SLEEP!!
[All three chuckle]
>A criminal gang is entrapping and torturing victims with radiation
>bombardment (deliberately trying to produce brain injuries),
Tom: And reducing them to quivering masses of mental jelly who post
weird persecution fantasy letters to the Usenet.
>electronic rape,
Mike: Don't you say a *single* word, Crow!
Crow [mock innocence]: What?! I wasn't going to say anything!
>Whattransmission of
Crow: Sworn off the use of the space bar, have we Carol?
>rabid screech "voices"(sound simulation being possible), round-the-clock
>force-fed verbal communications,
Mike: It must be pledge week on the local PBS station.
>and drug effects (transferred from drug users who are apparently on
>amphetamines, coke, etc.
Tom [imitating a female voice]: ...saving me hundreds of bucks a day on
smack!
>--at intentionally uncomfortable levels in order to stress victims into
>nervous breakdowns).
Mike: So they transferred the thought of an air traffic controller into
Carol's head.
Tom: Drug users, nervous breakdowns...you might have something there.
>Victims are kept debilitated with chronic radiation poisoning
Tom [imitating Dr. McCoy]: Chemotherapy! It's like the damned Dark Ages!
>which is at times similar in potency to nerve- (or minimally tear-)
>gas in terms of being a hazardous biological agent,
Crow: So the victims die within minutes. How does that control their minds,
again?
>except that the effects are more directable to the specific target.
Mike [laughing]: MORE directable?
Tom: The effects aren't ABSOLUTELY directable...just more directable than
a cloud of nerve gas.
>The levels are periodically upped to that point
Crow: What point?
>whenever the predators deem it necessary to keep their prey in thrall,
Mike: Sounds like she's narrating an episode of 'Nature'.
>or to achieve a desired end. Although, torture could be described as
>intermittent, communication is continuous.
Tom: Although grammar check would remove the extra commas and miscellaneous
punctuation, thereby helping the communication, it is forsaken.
>This is in effect electronic telepathy--
Crow: What *do* electronics telepathically communicate about?
>being used for nothing but deleterious purposes, however
Mike: My microwave is teaming up with my VCR to ruin my life!
>(for the implementation of torture).
Tom: You could be sentenced to TORTURE!
Mike: Please, no "Teenagers From Outer Space" references. We've been this
far without them.
>The signal can be transmitted to victims from incredible distances with
>accuracy, it is impossible to evade,
Crow: Darnnit! I wanted to shout "DUCK AND COVER!" at least once during
the High-Tech Crime Syndicate.
>and there is a large army of persons engaged in the stalking (7 days, 24
>hours--with unbelievable tenacity). There is probable usage of satellite
>tracking, augmented by ground-based weapons, making escape difficult.
Tom: I though that 'it is impossible to evade'!
>(Surmising the means is theoretical, based on prolonged experience.)
Crow: Try diagraming that last sentence.
>I have been followed without relent for 26 years now, around the clock, by
Mike: ...English teachers who keep after me about something they
call 'sentence structure'.
Tom: Then I found the Usenet, where everybody can make $400,000 by
working only 10 hours a week and nobody cares how you write or
spell!
Crow [cynically snide]: Yeah, a land where SPAM isn't a luncheon meat.
>stalkers who never stop preying on their victim. They are sadists who do
>all in their power to inflict suffering on victims, in a way that is
>senseless
Crow: ...they speak backwards to my goldfish while I'm at work!
>--constantly engaging in psychological and physical abuse. They latch
>on to a victim and never thereafter permit prey to experience full
>consciousness,
Tom: That would explain a lot about this Usenet post.
>denying freedom of thought and basic human rights.
Mike [whining]: But I *like* the First Amendment!
>Packs of thugs gang up on helpless individuals with laser weapons
Crow: And the thugs are vaporized when the helpless individuals open fire
with their laser weapons.
>and try to administer brain damage, to knock the victim's brains out, so
>to speak.
Mike: Makes a heck of a mess on the pavement.
>An army of them
Tom: An army of brains is marching in Ohio.
>surround the victim from hidden locations, from time to time generating
>shrieking effects
Mike: ...that give away their hiding places. After the shrieking stops, they
again find a suitable hiding place. Thus is the life-cycle of
the 'Brain-Damaging Thug' in the wild.
>and hyped-up
Crow: ...on goof balls.
>nervous states while so doing as a means of creating mental
>distress. I reported the abuses in the 1970's.
Tom: Then I started the Citizen's Against Glitterball Abuse, to stop the
abuses!
>There was a phony Congressional investigation,
Mike: Aren't they all like that, though?
Tom [mock Ted Kennedy voice]: Lets wrap this up, I'm late for AA!
>a little bit of press flurry about illegal CIA activity which never
>divulged the main facts--camouflaging the mind control as a drug
>operation instead of revealing the technological bases of the
>radiation-based mind control--then a smokescreen put up through U.S.
>news media, which seem to have become pawns of a de facto dictatorship.
>The public went back into a quiescent sleep
Tom: [Makes obnoxious, loud snoring noises].
>while the perpetrators bore down more cruelly on helpless victims.
>
>Some of the transmissions are suspected of being via satellite.
Mike: I thought Gypsy fixed that!
>In fact, the evidence to this effect is for me overwhelming.
Tom: The King's English takes a beating today in Ohio as Carol posts to the
Usenet!
>The roof of a building (i.e. your house)
Mike: *MY* house? I thought *YOU* were the target, Carol!
>can be targeted, and there is very little scattering to the outside,
Crow [laughing]: Scattering of *what*? This isn't making any sense!
>creating the apparent impression that nothing is happening (outside).
Tom: That's because nothing *IS* happening (outside).
Crow: Apparently, nothing is happening inside (Carol's brain), either.
Mike: Let's stop with the parentheses, guys.
>Meanwhile a humongous pulsating
Mike [leaps out of his seat, covering the words frantically]: WOAH! You guys
can't see this!
>signal
Mike [relaxes and takes his seat]: Whew!
Crow: False alarm. No smut here.
>is being generated inside, creating standing waves through directed-beam
>transmissions.
Tom: Looks like Carol has been watching too much Star Trek technobabble.
Crow [melodramatically emphasizing his words]: Captain, the Romulans are
disrupting that planet's atmosphere using their standing wave
directed-beam disruptor!
>However, the victim need not be stationary to receive. The signal goes
>for miles.
Mike: But for some reason only selected individuals are affected by the
far-reaching mind altering radiation signal.
>Being stationary makes it easier to deliver pain and to concentrate
>harassment, though.
Tom: But, according to what you just said Carol, moving does no good
either.
>
>The so-called Star Wars program could be a dangerous offensive weapons
>program which is a tool of a virtual dictatorship.
Crow: A real dictatorship would just resort to the time-honored jackbooted
thugs to uphold the law, but since this is a virtual dictatorship
they rely on fake Star Wars weapons.
>People who know too much and are willing to talk
Crow: ...couldn't be found, so instead Carol posted some thoughts.
Tom [oozing with sarcasm]: The Usenet is *just great*, huh?
>are stalked with the mind control by torturers until they suffer
>ruin--suicides, destitution, confinement to mental institutions,
>diagnoses of fake schizophrenia, which is degrading character
>assassination--
Mike: I remember when they called me a fake schizophrenic in high school. I
was devastated that they would stoop to such character assassination!
>even subjected to illegal psychosurgery after being driven into
>provoked rages with torture from which they could not
>escape. The U.S. press appears to have complicity in
>maintaining secrecy--conferring absolute power on the
>vicious clique monopolizing this technology.
Tom: Clique? Are they all high school girls named 'Heather'?
>No defenses are ever developed for detection by an unwitting
>population which is never informed of any capabilities of
>it.
Mike: How about a Gieger Counter? The beam is radiation based, isn't it?
>The ability to stalk press people with the mind control is
Crow: ...a technique first honed by John and Patsy Ramsey.
>part of the reason for the successful secrecy,
Tom: It's so secret that it's allowed to be posted to the Usenet.
Mike: Yep. The very same people who can allegedly control minds with far
reaching radiation blasts can't keep Carol from posting their plans
to the Internet for all to see.
Crow [whining]: Mike! It hurts!
>but there is also a certain amount of corruption on the part of the
>establishment, which is kept comfortable as long as it
>plays along.
Tom: Those games of hopscotch must get awful tense at times.
>The technocracy is careful to (overtly) victimize only the weakest and
>most helpless of prey for target practice, to cover its tracks.
Mike [laughing]: So, they OVERTLY victimize people in order to cover their
tracks!
>I know I am surrounded by an army of these persons,
Crow: LOOK OUT! WHAT'S THAT BEHIND YOU?!
Mike: An army that nobody else can see.
>with beams coming from multiple directions. I have been anything but
>silent to local police,
Tom: The Maple Heights Police Department must dread the full moon.
>yet I have never seen any discipline of the criminals.
Crow: Yellow! YELLOW!
>Some of the predators will pose as benevolent (as therapists, well-wishers,
>religionists, etc.) until they think they are not being observed, and then
>they will do a 180 degree turn and start their extortion and terrorization.
Tom [in a deep, menacing voice]: I really think that you should reconsider
reading the Book of Mormon, friend!
>There has been no halt to their operations in 26 years. I have
>registered complaint after complaint after complaint with the local
>police department.
Mike: In fact, so many complaints that they have a file drawer labeled,
"Paliwoda, Carol" at the police department.
Crow: I wonder if the rookie cops at the station are in charge of the
Paliwoda File, as kind of a hazing ritual...
>The one person I have been able to pinpoint as being somehow (maybe
>indirectly--through some kind of guilt by association)
Tom: What kind of guilt by association?
Crow: I don't know...but I know it's SOME kind!
>connected with the technology is an improbable type
Mike: It's the new sans-serif Times New Roman.
>--a Mr. John Wavrzacz at 14101 Rockside Rd., Maple Heights, Ohio.
>Evidence was an uncanny ability to know about events he had no means
>of being privy to other than some kind of clairvoyance.
Tom: In the past tense. Meaning that he WAS able to do that, but UNABLE to
do that now?
Crow: No, no. He can still read minds, but the evidence is no longer valid,
the past tense referring to the evidence, not the ability.
>The son of neighbor Carol Tipton (formerly Skocdopole), 5337 E. 141 St.,
>also needs investigation. Although he appears outwardly decent,
Tom: ...his insides are quite another story...YUK!
>Al Kovach, the person who purchased my home on E. 141 and from whom
>I rent, is also a mystery figure.
Tom: He's going to replace Diana Rigg?
Mike: No, he's co-starring with Sir Derek Jacobi!
Crow: You're both wrong. His new show is starting soon, "The Kovach
Murders."
>I can't afford to leave any stones unturned.
Mike: How much money is there in turning over stones?
>Another fact:
Crow: I'm being commanded by the neighbor's cat to post to the Usenet.
>In the past I distributed a report with a Feb. 7, 1976 Cleveland Plain
>Dealer newsclipping attached entitled "Soviets said to spy with perilous
>rays".
Tom: Yeah, the rest of the headline read, "said a drunken schizophrenic
who was arrested for killing three people!"
>There was a lot of ensuing reference in the media to CIA mind
>control about that time.
Mike: This is, of course, *AFTER* the press covered up the CIA mind
control...calling it a DRUG operation.
>After I let out Wavrzacz's name in 1996,
Tom: ...I excused myself and headed straight for the toilet.
>some terrorists hit me with an incredible radiation blast akin in its
>effects to tear gas.
Tom [shouting]: DUCK AND COVER!
Crow: You stole my line, Servo!
>This stuff causes respiratory passages to swell until near-suffocation
>results. Without antihistamines, the ability to breath is threatened.
Crow: So the mind-control thugs unleashed a devastating allergy attack.
>In their communications perpetrators make reference to some kind
>of "gang" and "family" membership.
Crow: The only way she could know this is if she surveilled the
mind-control thugs.
Tom: So she's doing what she hates them for doing.
Mike: Can we join the Mind-Control Thug gang?
Crow: The hazing would probably kill you, Mike.
>There is never a police bust of criminal perpetrators in this area.
Tom: Never? No criminal has ever been arrested? What do the police at Maple
Heights do, then?
>Activity is occurring in the E. 141 St.-Granger Rd. section of Maple
>Heights, Ohio.
Mike: Which could be said about many street corners in the Maple Heights
area.
>At least that is the target area
Crow: So they just bomb a street corner with mind-altering radiation
for no reason at all.
>(overhead satellite technology augmented by ground-based
>weapons
Tom [in a booming 'TV Announcer' voice]: ...bring you the WCW versus NWO
versus the FBI versus the CIA versus the Mind-Control Thugs on *PAY
PER VIEW*! [Tom lowers his voice to a murmur] Check local listings
for times and prices.
>--this is just theory, it is difficult for me to ascertain the exact means)
Crow: The motto of the contemporary Flat Earth Society.
>No complaints to any authority are ever to any avail.
Tom: I think that you're right about the rookie cop hazing at Maple
Heights, Crow.
>There are upsurges in torture activity correlating with breaks in the
>academic calendar--Spring break being the worst time of the year.
Mike: Maple Heights must be just like Fort Lauderdale if you're a
mind-control thug.
>This leads me to suspect participation of academics in the crimes.
>Local colleges--CWRU and CSU--are suspect.
Crow: You'd think with mind-controlling radiation guns on campus, they
might be able to stop underage drinking and rowdy behavior.
>Possibly students lured into collaboration by criminal professors,
>or some such scenario.
Tom [deep, authoritative voice]: Johnny, you're going to get an 'F' this
semester.
Mike [high-pitched, subservient voice]: I know, Professor Schlock.
Tom [deep voice]: How would you like an extra-credit opportunity?
Mike [high-pitched voice]: I'd LOVE to, Professor!
Tom [deep voice]: Okay, see that mind-control radiation gun in the cupboard
there? I want you to take it, go to the address on this notepad and
use the gun to terrorize the occupant over Spring Break. When you get
back, write a ten page report on your experiences!
>How American students could be lured into supporting anything so flagrantly
>antidemocratic I couldn't begin to guess.
Tom: Well, the Communist Party gets a disproportionate percentage of its
support from institutions of higher education.
Crow: I just *CAN'T* imagine how they convince these students to conduct
flagrantly antidemocratic actions!
>I am also considering local hospitals as possibly being sites of
>activity.
Tom [laughing]: Yes, typically there is a *LOT* of activity going on in
hospitals!
>There are two Veterans hospitals in the area--in Brecksville and
>Cleveland, plus a branch of NASA.
Mike: NASA hospitals - the best in the country.
>I was in Marymount Hospital in Garfield Heights, Ohio a couple of times.
Crow: They gave me little blue pills. They said it would stop the mind-
control, but *I* knew better.
>It is the only hospital I have ever dealt with directly--once having
>undergone surgery.
>Although anyone who had experienced this phenomenon
Mike: ...couldn't be found except for Carol, she *PROMISES* that it's
really happening so you'll just have to take her word for it.
>would think some sort of implant for tracking and reception necessary,
Crow: Carol, is that a TV antenna attached to your head?
>a CAT scan and x-rays of my brain back in 1981
Tom: She's complaining about radiation, then runs to the hospital to have
her brain bathed in it!
>by Radiologic Medical Imaging Associates in Mayfield Hts., Ohio (referral
>from a Dr. Grant Heller in Beachwood,Ohio) did not turn any up, according
>to radiologists who reviewed them.
Tom [oozing with sarcasm]: Oh, I'm just *SURE* they looked, too!
>There are indications from his behavior that my brother Bill was also a
>previous victim. He is today very ill, displaying symptoms of long-term
>abuse.
Crow [in a low, hushed tone]: The doctor said it was influenza, but *I*
know better!
>The American public can never acquire defenses,
Mike: I don't know about that...anybody can make a tinfoil hat.
>regulation, pertinent laws, or restriction so long as the secrets are
>kept. I need help in tracking to source.
Crow [in a drab monotone]: I need help in tracking to grammar check.
[All three chuckle]
>Victims undergoing the most heart-rending violations are simply brushed
>off as lunatics,
[Mike stands and begins brushing his clothes. A soft violin begins in the
background.]
Tom: Mike, what are you doing?
Mike: Aw, a pack of lunatics got in the laundrybot. I'm just brushing
them off.
>ignored,
Crow: What?! [chuckles]
>scoffed at--and it is an affront to human decency and dignity.
Mike [belches loudly]: What was that about dignity?
>The reason secrecy has been maintained this long (over twenty
>documented years)
Mike: How long is a documented year?
Crow: They're like dog years, Mike. Seven documented years in a people
year.
>is the promotion of a vicious reign of terror against any resistance
>or dissent.
Crow: Promotion? Do they buy TV time? Ads in the newspaper?
Tom [again in a booming 'announcer voice']: Is there RESISTANCE or DISSENT
in YOUR neighborhood? Wish you could DO SOMETHING about it? Now you
can! Just grab a ball bat and your favorite pair of jackboots
and conduct a REIGN of TERROR against them!
>Anyone who knows anything is stalked and tortured until they crumble.
Tom: You could be sentenced to TORTURE!
Crow: TORTURE!
>The clique in power are very cocky and obnoxious overlords,
Crow: Maple Heights must be a covenant-controlled community.
>in the process of transforming the democracy into a farce.
Tom: I thought that was Boris Yeltsin.
>The group which has victimized me is little more than a ring of psychotic
>deviates who molest innocents for sadistic kicks--deriving some kind of
>insane satisfaction from intimidating helpless prey for spite.
Mike: So the IRS has been given mind-control radiation technology. Great!
>They have no consciences or internal limits, and brag about their
>amorality.
Tom: They're bragging, yet the secret is being kept?
>I believe they have been picking up women
Crow: There may be hope for you yet, Mike! All you need to do is get
yourself a mind-control radiation gun!
Mike: HEY!
>(and boys) for sexual reasons, afterwards driving them insane.
>They juice up on dope while they hold their prey captive.
Tom: The ideal thing to do while holding hostages.
Crow [in slurred speech]: I tink anudder won got away, Larry!
>While they attempt to damage the victims' brains, they spew Nazi
>philosophy at them.
[All three chuckle.]
Crow [laughing]: Where did *THAT* come from?
Mike: Maple Heights Uber Alles.
>I sometimes wonder if secret police (military) support exists--
>a suspicion derived from the fact that activities are never stopped.
>These persons, who are terrorists, never face arrest, intimidating me
>without end. In at least one area of the country (New York City) I
>have evidence of coordination with mental health authorities to entrap
>victims into insane asylums.
Tom: Since the whole city should be in an insane asylum anyway, that's
hardly convincing evidence, Carol.
>This is of course after deliberately driving them crazy.
Crow: If they're really crazy, SHOULDN'T they be in an asylum?
>What I have depicted is a
Mike: ...sick, sad melodrama penned by a paranoid schizophrenic.
>brutal denial of the rights to life, liberty, the pursuit of
>happiness, and security in their homes which are supposedly guaranteed to
>law-abiding Americans. The thirteenth amendment prohibition against
>slavery is also violated.
Tom: I'm think we're seeing a buildup of Bob Allisat's brand of OUTRAGE.
Crow: Instead of an Internet cabal in Maple Heights, there's a
mind-control cabal.
Mike: If Carol makes any mention of a 'Maple Heights Community Server',
I *WILL NOT* be responsible for my actions!
>If the technology were in the right hands (instead of the very wrong
>ones who hold it now), there might be a questionable need to expose it.
Mike: So it's perfectly okay to keep radiation-based mind control a
secret as long as you don't misuse it.
>However, victims like myself have been subjected to cruel and unusual
>punishments.
>Like 26 years of constant telemetric tracking
Mike: The Goldeneye is set to fire on Maple Heights!
>combined with efforts to induce psychological breakdown and persistent
>torture.
Tom and Crow: TORTURE!
Mike: One more "Teenagers from Outer Space" outburst like that and it'll be
a time out for the both of you!
>Persons like my clueless brother Bill subjected to what looks like illegal
>experimentation
Tom: It LOOKS like illegal experimentation, but it really isn't.
>with extremely destructive effects--
Mike: OW! My finger!
>virtual loss of life which is the result of prolonged torture (and
>possibly psychosurgery). Naivete and weakness make the target all
>the more tempting, apparently.
Tom: What does that say about Carol, then?
>
>Some of the perpetrators want to know if the human being
>can be completely robotized
Crow [laughing]: ROBOTIZED?!
Tom: Is that really a word?
Mike: It looks like Mister Dictionary has left us again!
>with psychological (and physical) breakdown methods, and they never
>know when to stop. Their big dream is to produce a mindless golem.
Crow: So they DO know when to stop after all.
Mike: A country of Tor Johnson look-a-likes!
Tom [deep voice]: Time for Carol to go to bed!
>This is not expanding human potential in a positive way.
Tom: I never would have guessed.
Mike: Sounds dangerous!
>The technology is dangerous, yes.
Crow: You were right, Mike!
>But there is no excuse for the kind of abuse which has gone on.
Mike: She says that like there's could actually be an excuse to use
dangerous technology on helpless people.
>People's lives have been destroyed. The most innocent kinds of people
>too.
Crow: If they would only direct the radiation mind control torture
at GUILTY people, then it would be *SO* much better!
>The need for secrecy is not sufficient justification.
>Unbefitting Civilized Man, if such could be said to exist.
>signed:
>capal...@megsinet.net
>Maple Heights, Ohio (suburb of Cleveland)
Mike: Let's get out of here!
Crow: Amen!
[Mike picks up Tom and all three shuffle out of the theater.]
5...
4...
3...
2...
1...
[SOL. The bots are milling around.]
Crow: You know, for a while there I didn't think we'd make it.
Tom [chuckling]: I know what you mean, Crow my man! Especially when she
started with that 'vicious clique' stuff and began making up
words like ROBOTIZED...
[Both start laughing. Mike enters, the entire top of his head wrapped in
aluminum foil. Small triangles of foil dangle from strings attached to the
edges of the foil hat in the front, hanging in Mike's face.]
Mike: Hi guys!
Tom: Ummm, Mike...
Crow: JEEZE NELSON! What *ARE* you doing?!
Mike: Well, I thought that I'd take some proactive steps against any kind
of mind-control radiation bombardment that might be fired at the
Satellite.
Tom: Oh, boy.
Mike: No, really. See, I figure that we'd be a prime target for the
mind-control, because we can help track malcontents like Carol from
our orbital position.
Crow: Tom, I don't think that all three of us survived the High-Tech
Crime Syndicate, if you know what I mean.
Tom: Okay, Mike. Why do you think that there is even such a thing as
mind-control radiation?
Mike: Well, Carol was so CONVINCING, that's all.
Crow: Mike, remember when we saw Salem's Lot for the first time?
Tom: And you hung crosses all over the Satellite and had us sleeping
in shifts in case Danny came to pay us a visit?
Mike [quietly]: Yes.
Tom: And remember how we explained that vampires couldn't exist?
Mike: Yeah. That if vampires existed, and their numbers increased
geometrically, that the entire Earth would be nothing but vampires
within two months. Therefore, since the whole world wasn't vampires,
they couldn't exist.
[Back at the castle. Brain Guy is looking into the camera quizzically.
Bobo's
computer is broken and smashed in the background. Bobo and Pearl are
nowhere
to be found.]
Brain Guy: I believe I see where the robots are taking this argument.
Mike: You do?
Brain Guy: Indeed.
Tom: If there were mind-control thugs in Maple Heights that were terrorizing
people and turning them into zombies, then they could presumably
control Carol's actions to an extent that she would be unable to
reveal their presence. That she would even KNOW about their presence
is suspicious.
Brain Guy: Therefore, it is highly unlikely that there is such a thing
as mind-control radiation. Especially given the contradictory nature
that Carol ascribes to it. It's unavoidable, yet possible to avoid.
The media covers it up as a drug operation, yet there is a flurry of
press activity involving mind control, et cetera.
Crow: So, you see, Mike? It just doesn't exist.
Mike [looking ashamed, and slowly removing his aluminum foil hat]: I guess
I just got carried away.
Tom [in a sweet, mommy-like tone]: There you go, honey. All better now.
Mike: But, what happened to Pearl and Bobo?
[Back at the Castle. Sounds of fighting and Pearl shouting in the
background.]
Brain Guy: Well, Bobo's journey on the Internet was a slow one indeed
through
America Online. In fact, it became necessary for me to speed up the
space-time continuum for him many times in order for him to receive his
data in a timely manner. Unfortunately, time continued at its normal
pace for
the entire world around him...Well, to make a long story short, the
toll
charges combined with the America Online fees came to approximately
eighty-two thousand six hundred forty dollars. Pearl just received the
bill. Bobo's computer was the first casualty, and I'm afraid Bobo may
be
the next.
[Pearl and Bobo stagger on stage. Pearl has the cord to a computer mouse
wrapped around Bobo's throat, and is attempting to garrote him with it
while
bopping him on the head with the mouse itself.]
Brain Guy [waving]: Until next time, you three!
[The screen goes black.]
<<KEEP CIRCULATING THE NET LUNACY>>
MST 3K, Mystery Science Theater 3000 and the characters portrayed are
copyrighted by Best Brains. All rights reserved. This work is no way
intended
to be a violation of that copyright, and is for entertainment purposes only.
Any comments concerning Ms. Paliwoda or her beliefs are also for
entertainment
purposes only, and are not intended as libelous or malicious in any way.
This MiSTing is copyrighted 1998 by Michael Robison (AKA Joseph Curwen), all
rights reserved. I am the Last Man.
>Their big dream is to produce a mindless golem.
--
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