[MSTing] Labyrnth/Bugaloo Xover Pt 5 of 8
peasporr...@hotmail.com
witchie-poos and golden flutes named freddy
in the labrynth>>
by Brendan Herlihy and Steve Weinberg
--- Part 5 of 8 ---
[OPEN ON: House of Pain, Dungeon Door. It is ancient, dusty, solid,
wooden, with heavy iron bars covering a peephole near the top. Tom
is
using Crow's crest to try to pry the hinges off. Tom is grunting,
Crow is wary.]
CROW: Tommy!
TOM (grunting): Almost got it...
CROW: Come up for air, buddy. You'll blow another head. C'mon.
TOM: Oh, all right!
[Tom exhales, drops Crow. The two inspect their work.]
TOM: Wow! I think we moved it two or three nanometers that time!
CROW: Yup! Just two more years of this, and we'll be ready to tackle
the other hinge!
[Bobo moseys in, laboring, holding Brain Guy piggy-back.]
BRAIN GUY: Checking the map, there's a low pressure system forming off
the gulf coast that should swing up here by Saturday.
BOBO: Oh my. Goodness! Is it raining?
BRAIN GUY: Checking the radar, a patch of gulf stream is caught in the
San Andreas trench.
BOBO: Well, good, but- (sees the bots) oh hi guys.
CROW: No luck brain-finding, huh?
BOBO: Not yet. But this is one great dungeon, let me tell ya!
There's
a gym, an Olympic-sized swimming pool, a sundae bar, oh! And
apparently a bird sanctuary of some sort. I saw a big sign that
said, "Egress Ahead, 100 feet".
TOM: Whoo! Better not tell Mike about that. Birds scare him like a
bloody steak in a pirhana tank.
BOBO: Gotcha! (adjusts Brain Guy, then exits) Now about this rain…
BRAIN GUY: Checking my belly button lint…
CROW (to Tom, re the door): I don't know, Tommy. Maybe we should be
trying something subtler, like a hairpin, or termite infestation.
I
mean, if two he-man robo-Ferrignos like us can't budge it, brute
force simply cannot be the answer.
[With a bang!, the door *splinters* into a million pieces from a
mighty
blow on the other side. Emerging from the debris is a young woman
(Bridget) in large bronze bracelets and green Chinese pajamas. She
rubs her fist, and looks resentfully at the broken door.]
JEN (to door): "How many were going to St. Ives", my ass.
TOM (resentful): Hey, that was our door!
JEN (as if asked): Bass. Jenifer Bass. Talk show host.
CROW: Huh? Talk show, host? Um... you look more like… I don't know,
a
maid or something.
JEN (sighing angrily, holding up her arms to show): Damn these
bracelets! They're gonna screw my career path!
TOM: Oh, cursed accoutrements, huh? Well, I think Evil Mike was doing
some experiments with cubic zirconium. Try that jewelry box,
there's bound to be a counteracting geegaw in there.
[Jen looks where Tom indicated, pulls a jewelry box from off-screen.
She rummages through, modeling things as she finds them.]
JEN: Hm, I see this nice pendant.
CROW (evaluating her look): Mmmm... nope, no, I'm still getting that
Hazel vibe. So do you cook, or?
JEN: No. Earrings?
TOM: They scream, "Use me! I'm Alice from the Brady Bunch!"
JEN: How about this tasteful brooch?
CROW: Hm, now who was that one from the Jeffersons? Wheezy?
TOM: No, Florence. Wheezy was the wife.
CROW: Ah!
JEN: And- oh! A tongue stud! (sticks tongue out, holds stud up to it)
TOM and CROW (as Mr. Sheffield from "The Nanny"): Miss FIIIIINE!
JEN (slumping): Oh, it's no use!
CROW: Now hold on, girlfriend! Maybe all you need is a wardrobe
change!
TOM: Yeah! I mean, let's face it, there's a reason you won't find the
90's woman heading for an interview in a Victoria's Secret
nightdress!
[Jen start to try on some clothes hanging by the door. She starts by
slipping on a drab light blue blouse over her pj's.]
JEN: Good point. Well, how's this?
TOM: OK. OK. I can see sort of a young Carol Kane thing developing.
Maybe an Anne-Meara-in-waiting.
[She now ties an apron around her waist.]
JEN: Now this, to keep the crud off?
CROW: Oh, yeah! Definitely entering a Heather Graham area, maybe with
a little Jennifer Tilly around the eyes?
TOM: Oh, yes, I see it. Plain as day!
[Jen finally puts on a maid's hat and grabs a feather duster.]
JEN: And these accessories!
CROW: Yes! Yes! Julia Ormond, Lisa Marie Presley, with just the
faintest hint of Jewel!
TOM: It's perfect!
JEN: Wow! Thanks guys! Now I can head for that Fox News job
interview
with my fists held high!
[Jen retreats through the doorway, and exits.]
CROW: Knock'em dead, girlfriend!
TOM: Welp! That was cool. Of course, we'll never get the door off
the
hinges now, what with it being in splinters and all.
CROW: True. I think I saw another one in the back.
TOM: You think we can hang it before Mike wakes up?
CROW: If we hurry? No doubt, compadre! Um, by the way- did you
know about that sundae bar when you included me as a food option
earlier?
TOM: Crow my friend? Yes. Now let's get that door hung!
[Tom and Crow laugh amicably, and exit.]
[CUT TO: <SOL> Pearl is cavorting around the bridge in a huge stuffed
head of one of Richard Nixon's aides, in the style of Sid and Marty
Krofft, while Scratch and Gypsy try to guess who she is.]
GYPSY: Um… G.Gordon Liddsville?
SCRATCH: John Bug-a-dean?
[Pearl lifts the head a bit to talk.}
PEARL: No! H.R. Haldemanstuf!
[The buzzer sounds.]
ALL: FICTION SIGN!
[All try to exit. Pearl goes the wrong way first, bumping the stuffed
head against the wall to a Krofftian "bonk!" effect. Pearl rolls and
rubs her fake head, then recovers and exits.]
| 6 |... ( 5 )... [ 4 ]... > 3 <... = 2 =... / * \...
[CUT TO: Theater. Pearl (holding her costume head), Gypsy, and
Scratch
enter.]
PEARL (setting the head down on a seat by itself): Third rate
burglary,
third rate kiddie show. Coincidence?
SCRATCH: Did we just rip off "D.C. Follies"?
> A pouch hung from a brown belt around her waist. "Well, you seem to
> have found a friend."
ALL: Huh?
MADGE: What friend?
GYPSY: Is this another Freddie the Flute phallic reference? Because
if it is, I will be very, very annoyed!
>
> "What do you want." Jenifer said keeping her voice steady and making
> a point of not making it a question.
MADGE: Yes, the mantra of any true hero, "Whadda *you* want?!"
>
> "Do I need to want anything?" Joy groaned and started to wake up.
SCRATCH: Zen and the Art of Bugaloo Maintenance!
>
> Opening her eyes she saw the goblin king.
MADGE (in panic): SLEESTAK! Oh wait- wrong show.
> With a shriek of fright she
>flapped her wings, going straight up.
PEARL: Wow, the White Rock lady's really freakin' out.
> She got about five feet before her
>wings gave out and the bugaloo fell back into the water.
SCRATCH: No vertical take-off. That's why she's been replaced with
the
Harrier jet.
> Coughing and
> sputtering she dove behind Jenifer.
GYPSY (Joy): Protect me, strange wingless biped with the non-segmented
eyes!
>
> "Do you charm everyone you meet like this?" Jenifer demanded
harshly.
> "Don't worry." she said to Joy. "Everything's going to be alright."
MADGE (Jen): Just because I'm a good mother doesn't mean I'm not one
bad-
SCRATCH AND GYPSY: Shut your mouth!
MADGE: I'm just talkin' 'bout Jenifer Bass.
SCRATCH AND GYPSY: Then we can dig it!
>
> Jareth's laugh infuriated the talk show host and she stormed out of
> the water to face him. "What's so funny?"
SCRATCH: Her fists clenched and her chin sticking out.
MADGE: I keep thinking Mark saw Jen as a female Popeye of some sort.
Which makes the upcoming climax curiously intriguing to me.
>
> "My dear Mrs. Bass, you are. Here you are, alone, hungry, lost, no
> weapons, "
PEARL: No real estate investments or stock index funds...
> he glanced at her torn pajama's, they were soaking wet and
> sticking to her skin, "barely dressed,"
[All laugh, Gypsy shakes her head.]
SCRATCH (Jareth): But I respect your mind, babe. Honest! Aw, lookit
that mind a'yours, in that sheer nighty, wigglin' like a snake on
tequila… (drools)
> Jenifer felt her self blushing but held steady, "and you still find
>someone to protect." he laughed again. "What a fine maid you will be."
GYPSY: He keeps talking like his janitors belong to the Secret Service.
>
> "I don't care if I starve and have to streak naked."
MADGE: You will when Kate Moss sues you for trademark infringement.
>Jenifer declared. "I am never going to clean your castle."
PEARL: Jen, honey? I think it's time we play the party game that's
sweeping the nation. It's called, "Settling".
>
> "Then perhaps you would entertain a different bargain." Jareth said.
>Walking over he leaned against the tree. "Joy." he indicated the
>bugaloo
SCRATCH (Jareth, spoken): For the world. All the boys and girls.
No?
How about Joy for the fishes in the deep blue sea?
>and she quickly scuttled behind Jenifer. "Brought a friend into the
>Labrynth. A golden friend.
PEARL: Who spoke. In incomplete. Sentences.
>I will trade you your freedom for the flute."
MADGE: You mean the flute you were *holding in your hand five minutes
ago?!* *WHAT IN SAM SCRATCH IS GOING ON!?*
>
> "You want a flute?"
GYPSY: Well, the Labyrinth is hell. Freddie's probably the first non-
accordian instrument there in millenia.
>
> "You'll never get Freddie!" Joy shouted.
SCRATCH: His intricate vocal harmonies, so typical of Queen, just
go right over your head, man!
>
> "Not unless you hurry." Jareth said. "Since Witchie-Poo is even now
> carrying him back to Living Island."
>
> "Wait a minute." Jenifer said. "Are you telling me I have to get
> something from a witch before I can get home?"
GYPSY (Jen): And it better not be mono!
>
> "It is a common bargain." Jareth agreed. "But I will add one more to
> it.
PEARL (Jareth): I have a nephew. Bright kid, but he's always wanted
to
break into show business.
> Give me the bugaloo."
>
> "Your kidding."
>
> "No. Cook me one meal, with her as the main course, and I will
return
> you to your show."
MADGE (Jareth): Just nothing fried. And avoid the hot peppers. And
no
bugaloafs!
SCRATCH: This could be good. Her show always needed a cooking
segment.
>
> "Cannibal." Jenifer spat the word at him.
>
> "My dear Mrs. Bass, it's only cannibalism if the meal is the same
> species.
GYPSY (Jen): Hm. That's logical. OK!
> Consider my proposition."
>
> With that he faded from sight.
PEARL: So... no reaction from Joy on this? Being served on a platter,
she's OK with it?
>
> Joy worked her wings slowly and looked closely at her protector. The
> woman did not look like a witch. She was pretty, with shoulder length
> brown hair.
[All groan.]
MADGE: Yes, the characters never met before, so the descriptions start
*all over again*!
SCRATCH: Man, I should get *two* stamps for this one.
PEARL: Patience, bubby.
> Her face was sharp,
GYPSY: Unlike her wit.
> with the chin slightly pointed, but there was no sign of a wart on
> it. Her eyes, though narrow were kind.
PEARL: Witch Lite. All the features of regular Witch, but 99% evil-
free!
> She was barefoot, wearing a faded green shirt and pants, both
covered
> with mud.
[All snicker.]
SCRATCH: Now c'mon! A fourth fashion review has gotta be worth one
stamp at least!
PEARL: I'll do it if you promise to keep quiet.
[Pearl stamps the card.]
>
> "Are you alright?"
>
> "I feel better." Joy said, after a slight hesitation.
GYPSY: A pause. A stoppage. A moment of reflection.
MADGE: Jeez, you can't run a hundred-yard dash in this place without
the runners stopping at the tape to make sure it'll break.
>
> "Thank you, you must be a mighty witch to challenge Jareth."
PEARL: Mighty Witch. 100% pure beef!
>
> "I'm not a witch," the woman said, matching Joy's hesitation, "I'm a
> talk show host."
>
> "Oh."
SCRATCH (Joy): You look more like a maid.
>
> For a moment there was silence. The woman watched her closely,
> staring really. Joy looked down at herself.
GYPSY: Wait! All the pausing... it's going too fast! I need to catch
up with the plot!
PEARL (resentful): The pausing *is* the plot. Distilled nothing. The
sound of one hand *crapping*.
>
> "Is something wrong?"
>
> "Uh, no. Not really." the woman stuttered. "I've just never seen a
> fairy before."
GYPSY: Not even on Staten Island?
>
> "Oh, I'm a bugaloo."
>
> "A Bugaloo?"
MADGE (Joy): We're in the air and everywhere!
SCRATCH (Jen): No you're not. You're clearly on the ground, and if
you
were everywhere I'd've seen you before. Are you mental or
something?
>
> "Joy." she said, extending her hand.
PEARL (Jen, extending hand): Manic depression. Charmed.
>
> "Jenifer Bass." the woman said, taking it. "Your a human aren't
> you?"
>
> "Yea... Of course." Jenifer said.
ALL (unenthusiastic): Yaaay.
> "A human!" Joy whispered, staring at Jenifer as the talk show host
> had stared at her.
PEARL (Joy): The ancient scrolls speak of those who are born one at a
time and refuse to eat their mates after copulating. But we all
assumed they were myths!
> "A real human." Jenifer flushed and Joy quickly looked away.
MADGE: Well it's common courtesy. Hell, I don't even watch the cat in
the litter box.
>"I'm sorry." Joy said. "forgive me for staring but there hasn't been
a
> human able to cross the world barriers for years. We thought the
> worlds had drifted too far apart.
GYPSY: Mark? Did you consider plate tectonics might not make for
gripping narrative here?
>
> "We?"
>
> "The Fairy World."
>
> "But you said you were a bugaloo."
>
> "A bugaloo is a type of fairy."
>
> "Oh."
PEARL (Jen): Well enough about you! Wanna hear what I'm wearing?
>
> Again there was an awkward silence.
[All moan helplessly and cry. Scratch bangs his head against the
seat.]
SCRATCH: Must we still be awkward about it?! Couldn't we see some
balletic, *practiced* pauses by now?!
PEARL: Oh, stop whining. Take another stamp. (stamps card) OK? Happy?
> Joy stood up and tested her wings. She rose into the air a few feet,
> to the astonishment of the woman, and then settled back down.
>
> Bugaloo's are a type of fairy.
ALL (crying): *WE KNOW SHE'S A FAIRY ALREADY!*
GYPSY: There are sinking ships calling out S.O.S. less repetitive than
this!
> A part of Jenifer would not accept it. But it was here infront of
>her. Or rather she, Joy, was infront of her.
MADGE: The her, being infronted of, being Jen.
SCRATCH (sobbing quietly): Pearl? How can Jenifer accept goblin kings
but not fairies? I mean, *how*?!
PEARL: Oh, don't try making sense of it, lackey. Use the pain.
Transfer it. Hurt others. You'll feel better.
>
> "How did you get into the Labrynth?" Joy asked.
PEARL: I took a left turn at Albequerque.
> "I let my brother in law pick the guest." Jenifer said with a sigh.
> Seeing that the Bugaloo didn't understand Jenifer showed her the
> bracelets and told her story.
GYPSY: Man, the repeated backstory just goes on forever! Didn't
Jareth
give'm a quest or something a few hours ago?
SCRATCH (remembering): Oh! Oh, you mean that witch thing, with the
flute?
GYPSY: Yeah. I'd've thought that was important.
>
> "The first human to crossover in years
MADGE: Humans did two million Star Trek crossovers last month alone!
PEARL: Fairyland may not have Usenet access.
MADGE: Then use deja.com. It's no excuse.
> and he wants a maid?" Joy exclaimed.
>
> "Good helps hard to find I guess.
GYPSY (Joy): Oh. Um... ha-ha-ha? Ha?
SCRATCH: Don't bother. Even Sid and Marty's laugh track isn't going
for that one.
> What about you? How did you..."
>
> "Freddie!" Joy shouted. Jenifer whirled around, expecting somebody
to
> be behind her. "My friend Freddie Flute!" Joy said.
>
> "The gold one Jareth was talking about?"
MADGE (sighs): Jen really shouldn't go this long without her Ritalin.
>
> "Yes, we have to save him."
>
> "How? I'm no witch remember?"
>
> "But you must have some power to be so brave." Joy insisted.
SCRATCH: Maybe the power of scrubbing bubbles to clean his bathroom
tile?
>
> "Yea it's called foolishness." Jenifer said.
ALL (unenthusiastic): Yaaay.
>
> "You can use my magic." Joy said. Opening her pouch she pulled out a
> striped wand and a small book.
SCRATCH: <flip> Jack Horner, 3 stars; <flip> Jack, 2 stars, but great
beans…
[Gypsy lunges forward, bapping Scratch on the side of his head.]
SCRATCH (wincing): Hey!
GYPSY: You were warned.
>
> "Why can't you use your magic?"
>
> "Bugaloo's aren't allowed to use magic outside of Tranquility
> Forest."
PEARL (Joy): And you have to have rules, or else society degenerates
into a bunch of colorless feebs talking about wardrobe minutiae and
the subspecies of fairy people!
>
> "Oh." There was something different about Joy's face as she
>explained. It was like a shadow flying across the sun.
MADGE: The way Mark uses light imagery... it's so evocative of
Shakespeare's early work.
SCRATCH: When he was five, and his nanny played shadow puppets?
MADGE: Exactly.
>Then it was
>gone and Jenifer was looking through the book.
GYPSY (Jen): Welp! It's just a plot point, has nothing to do with
me.
I'll ignore it.
>"I'll find them and come back for you." Joy said, taking off.
>
> Jenifer felt fragmented as she watched her new friend fly off.
SCRATCH: "Fragmented"?! *Why the HELL would she feel fragmented?!*
PEARL: Hey, Mark! This your audience. That contempt you have for
us?
*Right* back at ya, pal!
> Not so much like she was experiencing what was happening, more like
> she was playing a computer game.
MADGE: That's not fragmented. That's detached! And it's a perfectly
normal Gen X way to be!
> She sat against the tree, looking through the book. It was pretty
> straightforward, with hand gestures and magic phrases.
GYPSY: And a tech support number for Magicsoft.
SCRATCH (reading fine print): "Have your credit card ready."
> It even had a
> title page and the equivalent of a library of congress card catalog
> number.
[All snicker.]
SCRATCH: Fairyland is anal!
> Reading as fast as she cold
GYPSY (offering): Grammar riff?
MADGE: No thanks, I'm full.
> Jenifer covered half of it before Joy's return.
>
> "Get out of my way you flea bag!" Witchie-Poo shouted. "I've got an
> invasion to stop!"
MADGE: Wasn't Poo the one doing the invading?
SCRATCH: I'd say I don't even care anymore? But never cared to begin
with, really.
PEARL: Mark's created a rich array of characters that'll touch us for
the rest of our lives, or until someone coughs. Whichever comes
first.
> "Nay witch!" the knight answered.
GYPSY: Another Ogilvie transition, by the way.
SCRATCH: It's so eye-opening. Like watching Orson Welles for the
first
time.
>"For I have told thee that only alone may you leave this place."
MADGE (Poo): But I *am* alone.
GYPSY (Didymous): Don't think facts are gonna save ya, punk!
> Around them smoking holes littered the ground, trees and bushes were
> broken and scattered. Piles of dust that were once rocks smoked
> ominously.
SCRATCH: The rocks were told to stand outside, as the Labyrinth was a
no-smoking area.
> Sir Didymous held himself high on the sheepdog, though both
> were panting. Witchie-Poo was tired too, her hands were shaking.
PEARL (old lady): She didn't use Aspercreme!
SCRATCH (announcer): Doctors recommend Aspercreme for minor aches and
pains and as a delicious cake filling!
> In
> one hand was a wand like the one Jenifer was holding. In the other a
> solid gold flute,
GYPSY: No, if it were solid, it wouldn't blow.
MADGE (muttering): Ho-ho, and believe me, it *blows* all right.
> encrusted with diamonds. Jenifer and Joy watched the
> battle from a small rise some thirty feet away.
PEARL: Yes! Good! Stay in the open! Give'm a clear shot!
>
> "Tally Ho!" Sir Didymous shouted, raising his staff.
SCRATCH (Didymous): *That's* my favorite playing card company!
>
> Ambrosius was off like a shot, just a second behind the lightning
> bolt from Witchie-poo's wand.
MADGE: A second *behind*? They're *trying* to get hit? What the-?
> Joy and Jenifer ducked down to avoid the debris. The battle raged
on,
> every so often the knight would move in and rap the witch with his
> staff. Try as she might Witchie-Poo could not hit the sheepdog,
GYPSY: He was just so fuzzily cuddly, she wanted to hug him 'til
Tuesday!
> but
> she could make the going hard for him. At one point Ambrosius
> stumbled and fell, but Sir Didymous batted away the witches
lightning
> bolt with his staff.
[All cackle.]
PEARL: Yup, remember kids! Lightning bounces off wood, so next time
you're caught in a storm, find a big tall tree to hide under!
>
> "Got it." Jenifer said. She had been skimming through the magic book
>furiously, and finally a spell had made sense to her.
SCRATCH: I'm guessin' the spell goes, "Huh? Wait… Mister… cursed?"
> "Can you get the flute out of her hand?" Joy nodded and Jenifer let
> her go. The Bugaloo flew straight up, almost out of sight and then
> dove. She streaked into the clearing a white blur and hit Witchie-
Poo
> in the stomach like a cannon ball.
MADGE: BOI-OI-OI-OING!
PEARL (witch, in agony): Oof! Oh my kidneys! Internal hemorrhage!
Call an ambulance, augh!
GYPSY: She stole that from a Mighty Mouse cartoon.
SCRATCH: But wasn't she five feet tall a few minutes ago?
MADGE: I think the water shrank her. There's probably a label on her
neck saying "Dry Clean Only".
> As the fell Joy grabbed Freddie
GYPSY: The *fell Joy*?
SCRATCH: Perhaps, the pleasure experienced by Norman Fell during his
illustrious career as a character actor?
MADGE: "As she fell" is what Mark had in mind there.
GYPSY: Mark had something in *mind*?
> out
> of the witches hand and flew up again as fast as she could.
PEARL: Oh. That wasn't that hard, really.
SCRATCH: Witchie-poo is like the Philadelphia Eagles of the nemesis
world.
>
> "Sneeze, Breeze I order you to Freeze!" Jenifer cried,
GYPSY: Oo, that's a nice little Shel Silverstein sort of a spell.
MADGE: Eh, the rhyme's not much. But maybe you can dance to it.
> jumping up and
> casting the spell before Witchie-Poo could recover. There was a
flash
> of light and smoke and when it cleared Witchie-Poo stood still as
> stone in the middle of the clearing.
PEARL: Well why didn't she do that in the first place?!
GYPSY: Joy coulda died or something!
SCRATCH: Jeez, some friend!
>
> "Tally...ho?"
MADGE: Well, none, really. Jen doesn't have sex, and Joy's a kiddie
show character. Maybe there's a red light district where you can
count some.
GYPSY (disappointed): Not you too, Madge.
MADGE: Oh, just one. It's not so bad.
>
> "Are you alright?" Joy asked, clutching Freddie in her hand. They
> were about eighty feet above the ground and Joy finally felt save.
>
> "I think so. How did you get out of that bog?"
PEARL (Joy): Triple A. Boy, their road service is amazing!
>
> "A human helped me."
>
> "A real human?" the flute sounded awed.
SCRATCH: No, one made of aluminum. OF COURSE IT'S A REAL HUMAN,
YOU GREAT RHINESTONED PICCOLO!
> "Does that mean humans are back?"
>
> "I don't..." Joy started to say she didn't know when sounds of a new
> battle could be heard below them.
GYPSY: A pause, stopping someone saying "I don't know", to a question
*completely* beside the point.
SCRATCH: There are noble gases less inert than this story!
> "I am not a witch?" Jenifer shouted,
MADGE: To herself or to Didymous?
SCRATCH: We'll never know.
>launching another spell at the knight.
PEARL (Jen): I'm not a witch, I'm just a woman with a pointy chin who
lives alone and casts spells! (stops) Oh.
> She had come down the rise to make sure Witchie-Poo wasn't faking
and
> Sir Didymous had attacked her. Jenifer had tried reasoning at first,
> but all that got her was more raps from the knights staff.
SCRATCH (staff, deep-voiced rapping): I'm the weapon, I'm the power, I
can tumble down the tower…
[Gypsy and Pearl look at Scratch.]
SCRATCH: Um… I'll stop now.
> Jenifer
> felt the pain in her side and guessed that a large purple bruise was
> spreading out from the rib. She hoped it hadn't been broken.
>
> "Surrender foul one!"
>
> "I'm not a witch!" Jenifer shouted again,
MADGE: But you are *dressed* as one!
> raising the wand. For once she was focused, the surreal feelings of
> only a few minutes before were gone. "I'm not the one who trapped
you
> here! I'm here to help!"
GYPSY: I'm your government! I'm here to help!
>
> "I believe you not!" Sir Didymous proclaimed and charged again.
> Planting her feet Jenifer stood ready to launch another spell.
>
> "Stop!" Joy shouted, diving between them and throwing her arms out.
PEARL (Joy, dramatic): Take *my* life if you must, but spare poor...
um… (stops) I'm sorry, who the hell are you again?
> Jenifer stumbled and fell flat on her back and the knight was nearly
> thrown from his steed.
SCRATCH: So Jareth runs this joint 'cuz he's the only one who can
speak
a grammatically correct sentence without falling on his ass!
>
> "He started it." Jenifer insisted, sitting up. She said it a little
> guiltily, remembering how mad she had been at the knight. How easy
it
> had been to use the wand.
MADGE: Sure. Power corrupts. But it's cool!
>
> "I?" The knight protested. "I am not the one who..."
>
> "Well I'm not either." Jenifer said, getting to her feet and holding
> up her arms. The bracelets glinted mockingly at her. "The only
reason
> I'm wearing these is because I let Marty chose the guest.
PEARL: You know something girlfriend? Marty maybe chose the guest,
but
*Marty* didn't openly mock him in front of a live studio audience,
and *Marty* didn't have the booby hatch haul him away on national
television!
SCRATCH: Stamp the card Pearl! Come on, you want to! (sings to "Shake
your Booty") Stamp stamp stamp! Stamp stamp stamp!
PEARL: Oh, hush! (stamps card)
[Logo, Commercials]
--- End Part 5 ---
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