Misting: Frst Date/Marriage of the Millennium [MMPR] [1/5]

[MBlackw415]

Mystery Usenet Theater 3000:
"First Date/ Marriage of the Millenium"

Original Stories by Gold Astro Ranger
Misting by Matt Blackwell and Michael K. Neylon

[Season 9 Opening]

[The Satellite of Love's Bridge. Crow and Tom appear to
be working on a computer sitting on the control console.]

Tom: Make him a bit redder.
Crow: Maroon Red, Crimson Red or Stop Light Red?
Tom: I was thinking more Red M+M red.
Crow: Gotcha.
[The computer makes a *click* noise.]
Crow: What now?
Tom: The sky needs to be a bit bluer.
Crow: Cerulean Blue, Sky Blue, or Aqua Blue?
Tom: Sky Blue. I mean, duh.

[Mike enters.]
Mike: Hi everyone, and welcome to the Satellite of Love. I'm
Mike Nelson, former temp worker and now a mere lab rat
in a vast experiment to undermine mankind's spirit
through bad movies and stories. And with me today are
my robot compatriots, Tom Servo and Crow T. Robot.
Tom: Snuh.
Crow: Whatever.
[Mike walks over to the 'bots.]
Mike: Hey guys, what 'cha doing?
Crow: Well, Mike. We're working on a brand new...
[A loud <Ping> noise reverberates through the bridge.]
Crow: Not again!
Tom: Great. Just great. Hey Mike? Can you do us a favor?
Mike: Sure.
Tom: Great! Just reach down underneath the counter...
Mike: Okay.
[Mike kneels down and disappears from sight.]
Mike: Say, who are these guys down here?
Crow: Just ignore them.
Mike: Wow, this guy's mouth moved in synch with your voice,
Crow..
[The *thwack* of a person's head being punched can be heard.]
Mike: Ow!
Tom: [forced] Just pick up a box and bring it up to the
counter, Michael.
[Oddly, Tom's mouth didn't seem to move during the previous line.
Mike reappears from behind the counter with a box.]
Mike: Boy, *Tom*. You're getting awfully surly.
[Another *thwack* can be heard. Mike grabs his leg, as if someone
had just hit it.]
Mike: OW! All right, all right! <mumbled> Sorry, Kevin.
<normal voice> So, what's in the box, guys?
Crow: A new computer.
Tom: Yep. This one's obsolete. So, if you can just set it up
for us?
Mike: Sure.
[Mike takes the computer from the box and sets it up.]
Mike: There you go.
Tom: Great! Now, as we were saying, we're working on...
<Ping> Great. Hey Mike? Can you get another computer
for us?
Mike: What for?
Crow: This one's obsolete too.
Mike: Really? Well, I'll get another one...
[Mike disappears behind the console, then reappears with
another box.]
Mike: Here's a new one.
Tom: Get cracking, Mike.
[Mike opens the box, and removes the monitor. He reaches
in again and... <Ping>]
Mike: What?
Crow: That one's obsolete too.
Tom: Get another one.
Mike: How can they get obsolete that fast?
[Mike disappears behind the counter again, and reappears
with another box. He places it on the counter and... <Ping>]
Crow: Mike, get a move on.
[Mike disappears again under the counter and... <Ping>]
Mike: [OS] I haven't even picked one up yet! <Ping> Oh, come
on!
[Ping. Ping. Commercial sign begins to flash. Ping. Ping.
Mike reappears, out of breath, from the behind the counter.
He notices the flashing commercial sign.]
Mike: We'll be right back.
[Mike hits the light, and the Planet Bumper appears.]

[Commercials]

[The bridge. Mike is putting the finishing touches on
assembling another computer. Many discarded computer boxes
are stacked behind him. Tom and Crow are watching Mike with
looks of horror on their faces. The pings have stopped.]
Mike: And... done. [Mike stands up and brushes his hands
together.] There's your new computer, guys.
Crow: You can't be serious.
Mike: I am.
Tom: Mike, we can't use that, that, *thing*!
Mike: Sure you can!
Crow: Mike, it's an Amiga. It's an electronic paperweight.
Mike: Well, it's not going to get any more obsolete, is it?
Tom: Oh. Well...
Crow: Good point.
Mike: You had something to show me?
Crow: Sure, it's right..
[The Castle light begins to flash.]
Mike: Guys, I'm afraid it'll have to wait. Speed, Trixie
and Pops are calling.
[Mike hits the light.]

[Castle Forrester]
[Pearl stands in the foreground. Bobo and Observer are
in the background, carrying large tomes.]
Pearl: Evening, Racer X. Chim-Chim. How are you doing?

[SoL]
[The crew looks at each other for a second, then turn
back towards Cambot.]
Mike: We're fine.

[Castle Forrester]
[Pearl grins evilly.]
Pearl: Well, not for long. You see, we've got a story
from an old friend of yours...

[SoL]
[The bots and Mike nervously look at each other.]
Tom: Does it involve a teenager?

[Castle Forrester]
Pearl: Why yes. Several of them, in fact.

[SoL]
Crow: Do they win against insurmountable odds?

[Castle Forrester]
Pearl: They sure do.

[SoL]
Mike: <Gulp> Is there any royalty involved in this?

[Castle Forrester]
Pearl: You betcha. Kings, queens, princes, czars. You
name it. They're all here.

[SoL]
Mike: Wonderful. [To the bots] Well, guys. Let's get this
out of the way.
All: Heir to the Crown of Essex, Head of all the Kid's
Crews...

[Castle Forrester]
[Pearl blinks, confusedly.]
Pearl: Sorry to disappoint you, but it's not a Ratliff.

[SoL]
Crow: It's not?

[Castle Forrester]
[Bobo steps forward.]
Bobo: Heck no. He disappeared months ago.
Pearl: He's vanished off the face of the earth, Mikey.
Observer: Either that or he's in Cancun. Pearl wouldn't
let us search there...

[SoL]
Crow: Hey, this could be good!
Mike: Wait a minute, guys. What about that "Hail to the
Queen" business? Or that "Before the Dawn" guy?
This could be another Ratliff-worshiper...

[Castle Forrester]
Pearl: Sorry to disappoint you, Nelson, but there's not
one one iota of Marrissa in this work.
Bobo: Nope. Not even a milli-iota of her.
Observer: I fear that all of Stephen's cohorts have also
disappeared. I suspect they are up to no good.
Pearl: *Anyway*, we've found a new piece, by Gold Astro
Ranger...

[SoL]
Tom: Oh, the Power Rangers guy.

[Castle Forrester]
Pearl: Yeah, the Power Rangers guy. We found a short
story from him. [Bobo holds up his tome.] And
we're going to package it with one of his longer
stories [Observer holds up his book] and we'll
be sending it your way...

[SoL]
Crow: Those look really long...

[Castle Forrester]
Bobo: He wrote them in 144 point text. We're not sure why.
Pearl: Anyway, we'll send them up to you right now. Prepare
for "First Date/ Marriage of the Millennium." Have
fun, Mike.

[SoL]
[The lights are flashing.]
All: Oh no! We've got Power Rangers sign!
[Mike hits the light and the door sequence begins.]

[6 . . . 5 . . . 4 . . . 3 . . . 2 . . . 1 . . .]

[The bots and Mike enter and take their usual places.]
Mike: So, what do you remember about this "Gold Astro
Ranger" guy?
Crow: He writes Power Rangers stories.
Mike: I gathered that much.
Tom: They involve these two, later three, brothers
from another planet who help the Power Rangers
fight the evil doers.
Mike: Oh. So, a fairly standard setup then?
Crow: Except for the hula dancing polar bears.
Mike: What?
Tom: They're the author's trademark. Keep an eye for them.
Mike: Um, okay...

>Power Rangers
>starring
>The Crowmeowme Brothers

Mike: "Crowmeowme"? What the heck is that?
Tom: Oh, something like ... [Tom whacks his head at Mike's
shoulder] Crow?
Crow: [looks at Tom] Me?
[Mike punches Crow (lightly) at the shoulder joint]
Crow: Ow! Me.. I guess...
Tom & Mike: [giggle]

>in
>First Date
>
>Disclaimer: The Power Rangers and related characters are property
>of Saban Entertainment. The male members of the Crowmeowme family
>are my exclusive creations.
>

Crow: Ew... the author asexually reproduced and his offspring are these
characters!

>Author's notes: This is the official tale of Bart and Ashley's
>first date, as well as an interesting anecdote of Brian
>Crowmeowme's past. Certain names were changed to protect
>copyrights.

Tom: He changed the name of his own characters?

> This presumes the Rangers arrived at Earth on a
>Friday, but did not go into town until Monday.
>

Crow: It also presumes that the Power Rangers are all disguised
as Bavarian Nuns, Mars is in the cusp of Aquarius, and that
IBM is trading at 82 and a half per share.
Mike: Trust us. All will be explained later.

>Our tale begins on Sunday, February 15 at the Crowmeowme estate.

Tom: As football season was well over, the men were sleeping in till
3pm.

>Past and present Power Rangers were gathering to watch the
>monthly wrestling pay-per-view broadcast.

Tom: The Power Rangers must be looking to learn some more
moves.
Mike: Wrestling's only on once a month in this universe? Amazing!
Crow: You'd figure by now, there'd be an All-Wrestling station.

> When Ashley arrived,
>Bart, who just twenty-four hours earlier had admitted his love to
>Ashley, took her back into the parlor, with something on his
>mind.

[The trio begins to make "bucka-wucka-chow" noises.]

> "Ashley," Bart began, "I asked Brian for some advice on how
>to treat our relationship, and he said the first step was usually
>a date.

Tom: Of course, with Brian "7 divorces and still going!" Crowmeowme,
you can only take his dating advice so far...
Tom: [as Bart] He had that same look on his face as he did when I
asked him how to breathe...

> He explained the concept to me, and now. I want to ask
>you out on our first official date.

Mike: [as Bart] Shall I call you later to discuss the timing of our
my asking you out for our first official date?

> I was thinking of this coming
>Friday night." Ashley blushed, "Well, my schedule is clear, so,
>why not."

Mike: No way! Every girl has something to do on a Friday night!
Crow: I think that just may be you, Nelson.
Mike: Really? I thought that it was odd that the entire city
of Minneapolis was busy on Fridays...

> The two of them shared their third kiss.

Crow: Damn! Three kisses *before* a date? That Ashley's one
fast mover!

> Bart told her,
>"I think we shall go out for dinner and then come back to the
>mansion to watch a movie." "Back here?" she asked. "Yes," Bart
>replied,

Crow: [as Ashley] Back... to the Mansion?
Tom: When this date hits 88 miles per hour , you're goint to
see some serious sh-
Mike: [coughing on cue]

> "While we were off planet, Brian had the most
>comfortable theater in Angel Grove built here at the mansion, he
>has a vast library of past and present movies."
>

Tom: o/~ The worst he can find. (la-la-la) o/~
Crow: Great. Another lost member of the Forrester blood line.

>The next day, the Rangers went into town.

Mike: And we're now in a Laura Ingalls story.
Crow: They'll be heading over to the General Store to
pick up some sorghum and penny nails soon.

> They went to the
>newest hang-out in Angel Grove, The Surf Spot.

Tom: Unfortunately, the creators of the Surf Spot forgot that
there's not an ocean within 500 miles of Angel Grove.

> Bart was not
>impressed with the french fries,

Crow: Were they not "America's Favorite Fries (TM)"?
Mike: Nice product placement, Crow.
Crow: Thanks! I make a cool $45 each time I say that!

> "Brian makes them much better,"
>he thought to himself.

Tom: Moments later, the McDonalds Corporation gunned down
Brian in a fit of jealousy.

> Bart was in a much better position than
>Ashley to notice Andros' use of telekinesis, to which he thought
>to himself, "Amateur." It seems that on Minutiae, everyone is
>born with telekinesis.

Tom: Wait, that's not telekinesis; that's the umbilical cord!
Mike: Ewwww....

> Thus, Bart has had several millennia of
>practice.

Crow: Yet he still used it to peek up women's skirts.

> From The Surf Spot, the Rangers journeyed to the
>electronics shop,

Mike: If this Radio Shack turns out to be the Power Rangers
headquarters, I'm leaving!
Tom: Inside, George Jetson pleaded with the Rangers to send
him back to his home era.

> where Bart used the credit card Brian had given
>him to pay for the needed parts.

Crow: No income? Bad credit? Just ask Brian Crowmeowme!

> "Interesting that this is a gold
>card," Bart mused to his teammates, seeing as Bart was the newly
>empowered Gold Ranger.

Crow: Yeah. What a coincidence.

> After battles with Quantrons and Ecliptor,
>the Rangers went to work on the Astro Megaship.

Tom: So after a casual day of shopping, our heroes suddenly find
themselves in the midst of battle? Or did we just lose a
day or something?
Mike: Remember the first law of superheroes, Tom. "If two or more
heroes meet, there's going to be a fight, unless Neil
Gaiman's writing the story."

> When the repairs
>were done, he noticed the setting Ashley had created on the Simu-
>deck.

Mike: [as Bart] A torture chamber, Ashley? What ever for?
Crow: Mike, I think my temporal circuits are losing it!

> The juke box intrigued him more than the pool
>table, although he enjoyed watching Ashley make her opening shot.
>

Tom: Mike, I'm scared. I think I just lost a day, or something.
Mike: There, there. It's just a poor use of transitions.

>Bart studied the juke box, and noticed a song he had become
>fond of.

Crow: If it's that damn "Pretty Fly for a White Guy" song...

> He remembered a television show he had watched, back
>when he was chosing his name.

Tom: Remembering a TV show caused him to remember a book he read.
Crow: Remembering that book caused him to remember a certain math
problem.

> He recalled how a character on the
>show could start a juke box just by hitting it.

Mike: It's Fish, right? He's talking about Fish.

> This being the
>first juke box Bart had ever seen in person, he wondered if it
>would work. He concentrated, and then, using a fraction of his
>Tor Ek Nal skills,

Mike: Only 15/16th of his skills...

> tapped the juke box in a certain spot.

Crow: He's trying to find the jukebox's erogenous zones!

> To his,
>and everyone else's, surprise, it worked.

Tom: [as Ashley] It just wasn't plugged in, silly.

> Music filled the simu-
>deck,

Tom: o/~ What is love? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no
more... o/~
Mike: Suddenly two guys jump up from the bar, and begin to slam
Ashley back and forth between...
Crow: Mike, this isn't a "Night in the Roxbury" crossover.

> and Bart danced, all the while watching Ashley and Andros
>play pool.

Crow: Bart's dancing alone...okaaaay.
Mike: See? It's the Rox, all right..
Tom: At least it's not the Lambada.

> He had seen Brian play pool at the mansion, though
>Brian's table was much more intricate than this one.

Crow: [as Bart] Ooooooh - red felt!

> When the
>Rangers returned to the surface, Bart asked Brian to teach him
>how to play pool. Brian took him to the game room and gave him a
>cue stick.

Mike: [Brian] Saban changed our costumes again. You're the
"Pool Ranger." I'm the "Domino Ranger" and Ashley
gets to be the "Pachinko Ranger."

> Brian then removed the cover from the pool
>table, revealing the master craftsmanship used to make this
>table. "When the table is this expensive, you call the game
>Billiards." Brian joked.
>

Crow: I suppose that would make Ashley a courtesan.

>Brian and Bart spent the next twelve hours in the game room.

All: Twelve hours?!
Mike: Meanwhile, Ashley has found another man, and Angel Grove
has been destroyed by 3 new mutants.
Tom: Or, they might have been playing Zoop.
Crow: Zoop! Zoop!

>Brian taught his cousin everything there was to know about the
>game of billiards.

Mike: Twelve hours to say "It's boring"?

> Brian had been playing pool since it's
>inception.

Mike: In fact, he's still playing the first game.
Crow: They just can't sink that '3' ball.

> He taught Bart simple shots and trick shots, from the
>simplest break techniques, to advanced moves which would only be
>of use in an exhibition of trick shots.

Tom: Then he introduced him to Yoda, who taught him the ways of
the Force.
Crow: Quiet. That might still happen.
Mike: It's a lot easier when your future holographic monitor
lays out your shots for you.

> By the time they emerged
>in the morning, Bart knew as much about pool as Brian, and Brian
>knew more than any living pool player could ever hope to know.

Mike: Unfortunately, Brian taught Bart more about hang gliding
than any living pool player could hope to know.

>When Brian left for the office, Bart went back to the game room
>to practice his newly acquired skills. Kim and Willy came down to
>watch him, and he amazed them with the various trick shots Brian
>had taught him.

Crow: [as Kim] Nice job hitting the cue ball into that pocket.
Tom: [as Bart] Shut up, Kim.

> "Not bad, Bart," Kim told him, "If I wasn't six
>and a half months pregnant,

Crow: Yeowch! That's really going to mess up the shooting schedule
on "Felicity."

> I'd play you a game. But, it's
>just to hard to set up a shot when you're with child. Believe me,
>I tried when I was carrying Willy,"

Tom: Kimberly Hart. Ex-Power Ranger. Mother. Pool hustler.

> and then she kissed her son
>on his head. "Mother!" replied nearly three year old Willy.
>

Crow: I bet he's the head of the Kid Power Rangers Crew.

>That night, Bart asked Brian and Kim what would be a good
>restaurant for the big night.

Mike: "Big Al's Big Bang Burger Barn."

> Brian and Kim both thought of the
>same place at the same time, "Chateau de Cuisine," they replied
>in unison.

All: The House of Food?
Tom: Oh my.
Mike: Angel Grove makes Mayberry look like Berkley.

> Chateau de Cuisine was the most expensive eatery in
>Angel Grove,

Tom: Hey! They sell five-dollar milkshakes there!

> one that Brian and Kim had dined at many times since
>they started seeing each other. It was where they had their own
>first date, and where they celebrated their engagement.

Mike: It's also where Brian and Vinnie the Knife planned to
ice the Gambino Family.

> Chateau
>de Cuisine hosted their wedding rehearsal dinner, a party
>celebrating Willy's impending arrival, and Kim's many gymnastic
>triumphs.

Crow: A single party for a pregnant mother cartwheeling on
tables while the best man gives a toast?
Tom: From what it sound likes, the ONLY thing they haven't
had at Chateau de Cuisine was the honeymoon!

> Bob and Kat had celebrated there as well. Chateau de
>Cuisine had one table they kept open just for members of the
>Crowmeowme family, or those who mentioned the Crowmeowme name.

Mike: It's that special one, out there in the back behind the
kitchen next to the dumpster.

>Brian and Kim knew both chefs, Pierre and Henri, and could tell
>who was cooking just by how long it took to cook the food.

Crow: They'd both been taught by that culinary master, Bugs
d'Bunnet.

> And
>Jean-Paul, the maitre'd, knew better that to tell them the
>specials, Brian and Kim always went with the best.
>

Tom: [thick french accent] Deux Mac avec fromage for madame and
monseur.

>With dinner taken care of, Bart then turned his attention to
>the movie.

Mike: Dinner?
Crow: And a movie?
Tom: TBS is going to be annoyed...

> He spent most of Wednesday looking through the film
>library, trying to find the perfect film. That night, at dinner,
>Bart asked Brian and Kim what they recommended.

Tom and Crow: [as Brian and Kim] Chateau de Cuisine!

> Kim said, "I've
>heard Titanic is a good date movie, yet Brian has never taken me
>to see it."

Mike: It's STILL playing?!
Crow: Of course it is, Mike. It's 3000 1/2 hours long.

> Brian responded, "There's a reason, a very good
>reason.

Tom: [as Brian] I'm allergic to Leo.

> I don't want to re-live a near death experience."

Mike: [Brian] That popcorn oil nearly killed me...

> Kim was
>shocked, "Near death?" she asked.

Crow: [as Brain] Well, more like "In the near proximity of death".

> Brian sighed, "I guess I should
>tell you. I was on the Titanic, and nearly died in the
>cold Atlantic." Kim was stunned, "With all the Titanic mania
>around, why didn't you tell me sooner, or write a book, or
>something?"

Crow: Hey! That's a really good question!
Tom: Yeah, superintelligent alien-boy. Why didn't you?
Mike: Guys, I'm sure that no one would notice a nice young
man authoring a book about his personal experiences
on the Titanic.
Crow: He could have written it in the '20s, Mike.

> Brian responded, "Because the memories are almost too
>painful." Bart interrupted, "Cousin, do you not remember what we
>say on Minutiae:

Crow: [as Bart] "Pull the other one!"

> If a memory seems painful, sharing it can ease
>the pain."

Tom: Nooo. That's Callahan's motto.

> Brian agreed, "You are right, dear cousin, perhaps I
>shall share with you, and the rest of the group, how I
>almost died that cold April night back in 1912."
>

Mike: [Brian] I was club hopping with F. Scott Fitzgerald....

>When the other past and present Rangers arrived at the
>mansion after supper, Brian began to tell his tale.

Mike: [Brian] It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.
It was a dark and stormy night too. Call me Ishmael...

> "Back in the
>early 1900s, when my main business was steel,

Crow: Ah, so Brian Crowmeowme was behind that awful movie!

> I had supplied some
>steel to build the Titanic.

Tom: [as Brian] Being into steel and all.

> In exchange, I was given free passage on her maiden voyage.
>With Bob safely in charge of the business,

Tom: [as Brian] ...of steel...

> I readied myself for the
>trip from South Hampton to New York. I was given a luxurious
>stateroom,

Tom: [as Brian] ...made of steel...

> and I rubbed elbows with the
>Astors and Rockefellers, and the unsinkable Molly Brown.

Crow: She kept breaking into song. What an annoying woman.
Tom: [Brian] ...but she had a heart as solid as steel...

> I dined
>at the Captain's table,

Tom: [as Brian] ...which was made of steel...

> before heading back to my cabin. Then,
>it happened." "The iceberg?" asked Tanya.

Mike: [as Brian] No! "Austin Powers 2", you fool!

> "Yes," Brian continued.

Tom: [as Brian] It was made of steel too, you know...
Mike: Ok, enough, Tom.

>"I knew I would not get into one of the first lifeboats, women
>and children first after all, but I never suspected that some
>greedy fool would actually shove something across the front of my
>door, keeping me from exiting.

Mike: Billy Zane must have been really busy that night.

> I didn't find out until the water
>started coming into my cabin. I tried to open the door, but it
>wouldn't budge. The hallway was too Crowded for me to tear down
>the door with sheer strength."
>

Tom: Today's lesson: don't sail on a boat made of steel.

>"So how did you get out?" Rocky asked.

Mike: [as Brian] I didn't. This is all just a hallucination
flashing through my mind as I'm drowning.
Crow: Been watching "The Occurrence at Owl Creek" again, Mike?

> Brian replied, "As the
>water filled my cabin, I opened the porthole.

Crow: That's more like a "plothole", I think.
Tom & Mike: [giggle]

> It was just big
>enough for me to slip out. When the water was high enough, I used
>the current to help propel myself out.

Mike: [as Brian] I guess I wasn't as small as I thought....

> The ship broke in half
>just after I got out. The current outside the boat was a
>different matter.

Tom: It broke into half before I left the ship.

> I consider myself a fine swimmer, but the
>current was stronger than I could handle. I was pulled under by
>the force of the water. The cold was nothing, compared to
>winter on Minutiae.

Mike: And let's not even getting into Minnesotian winters! Brrr!
Crow: Oh, *everything's* better on Minutiae.

> But there was still the risk of drowning. I
>knew I could hold my breath a good ten minutes, but the nearest
>boats were at least a twelve minute swim away. Then, it passed
>over me.

Tom: [Brian] It was the Nautilis! Captain Nemo was responsible
for the disaster, not the innocent iceberg!

> The very iceberg responsible for the disaster.

Crow: [as Brian] That was one evil iceberg, let me tell you.

> I noticed
>it had a pocket of air in a cavity of the iceberg.

Mike: [shivers just a bit] Ack! Now I remember why I don't
want to go visit the dentist.
Crow: There was also a strange, red, white, and blue clad man
encased in the ice there...

> As I swam up,
>I noticed the cavity was actually more like a passage. I took a
>nice long breath, then made my way though the frozen passage.

Tom: Apparently, this must be a piece of Superman's Fortress of
Solitude.
Mike: Global warming'll get you ever time.

> I
>found myself just above the surface, and from there, made it to a
>nearby boat, and back to dry land."
>

Crow: Gyp! That's was about as near death as being attacked by a
paperclip!

>With Brian's painful memories comforted, Bart still had to pick
>a movie.

Mike: [as Bart] Ah, what a deep, revealing, and horrific tale.
So, what about "Happy Gilmore?"

> After going through the entire film library three more
>times,

Tom: ...Bart realized that he had a problem making decisions.
He pondered about maybe thinking about taking a self
assertion class.

> Bart decided to use one of Brian's directorial
>masterpieces, Sally Sue, which starred Kim.

Crow: That's that movie with Carrottop, right?
Mike: Well, they better watch the widescreen version then. You
don't want to miss even a millimeter of that cinematic
masterpiece.

> When Bart told Brian
>and Kim of his choice, they glanced at each other,remembering
>the last time they had watched Sally Sue.

Tom: [as Kim] Did we ever see this, honey?
Crow: [as Brian] I don't think so, dear. Maybe Willy picked it up.

> It was just hours
>before they conceived the child Kim was now carrying.

Crow: [excited] Double Whoa!
Mike: [head in his hands] Oh, please, no....

> For
>them, it was truly the most romantic movie in the world. It was
>now Thursday, and, as they did every afternoon,

Tom: They destroyed the earth with their Vogon Constructor Fleet.

> Bart's teammates
>came over to the mansion.

Tom: [as Brian] Damn sponges. Always emptying my fridge. Get a
job, you goldbricking mooches!

> Brian took it upon himself to help
>Andros blend in on Earth.

Mike: [as Andros] You sure dressing as Marilon Manson will help
me fit in?
Crow: [as Brian] I'm sure of it.

> Bart and Ashley strolled through the
>estate's vast gardens.

Tom: Ah! What a bountiful crop of decorative throw-pillow
zucchinis.
Mike: [screaming] AHHHHHHH!

> "Well," Bart told her, "I have made all
>the preparations for our date Tomorrow night.

Crow: [as Ashley] What are we going to do Tomorrow night?
Tom: [as Bart] Same thing we do every night, Ashley... snog
each other silly!

**continued**