Google Groups no longer supports new Usenet posts or subscriptions. Historical content remains viewable.

Dismiss

MiSTING: The Field Trip [STNG, Marrissa, Ratliff] [PG] [8/8]

3 views

Skip to first unread message

MBlackw415

unread,

Dec 27, 1998, 3:00:00 AM12/27/98

[1 . . . 2 . . . 3 . . . 4 . . . 5 . . . 6 . . . ]

[The doors close. Instead of the normal view of the Bridge,
we see a non-descript corridor. Tom Servo, Crow, and
Gypsy, all dressed in militaristic uniforms, are walking
towards the camera.]

Crow: I can't believe that he's gone.
Tom : Me neither.
Gypsy: He stood stalwart among us, unwavering in his
resolute desire to survive this onslaught. But
now, like all men, his time has passed.
[Quiet reigns for a moment as they stop walking.]
Tom : Wow. That was good!
Crow: Yeah, Gypsy. I'm impressed.
Gypsy: Your praise is welcome, my friends. During lulls
of activity during my former term of employment,
I had many an opportunity to compose an obituary
file in case one of this band should pass from
this mortal coil.
Crow: Really? How does mine go?
Gypsy: [Chuckles] I cannot begin to recite your eulogy,
Crow, for to do so would require over 600 hours.
Tom : Well, what about me, then?
Gypsy: Tom Servo is no more. He had a really bitchin'
car.
Tom : Ha! I always knew she liked me best!
Crow: So. [pause] Mike's dead, and now we're going to
blow up the Satellite.
Tom : Yep. I guess that we better get out of here.

[The trio resumes their walk towards the camera. As they
near the camera, a technician, looking remarkably like
Jim Mallon dressed in a jumpsuit, walks past them and
moves to a control panel on the wall. The robots walk
out of view.]

Jim : [mumbling] I'll going to switch the hell out of
this button...

[The bots walk into an elevator, and the view switches
to an exterior view of the Satellite. A small shuttle,
marked "Deux ex Machina II" departs from the Satellite.
Moments later, the Satellite of Love explodes in a
bright fireball. As the fireball blossoms in slow
motion, classical music begins to play.]

Crow: [V.O.] Hold it!

[The scene shifts back to the corridor. Crow walks back
into view.]

Crow: I think this has already been done.

[Tom joins Crow in the hallway.]

Tom : Really?
Crow: Yeah. I vaguely recall something like this
happening before.
Tom : Huh. Well... something else then?
Crow: Sure.

[The image dissolves, then slowly fades back into
the Bridge of the SoL. A large transparent wall
is in the middle of the bridge. Gypsy stands
in front of the wall, staring beyond it. Tom
rushes in, Gypsy moves into intercept.]

Tom : Crow!!!
Gypsy: It's too late, Tom.

[With stunned understanding, Tom stumbles to the door,
sees Crow on his knees, hands blackened, face cracked
with radiation lines and scars. Crow shakes his head.
With a feeble hand he reaches the intercom button:
FILTERED communication begins.]

Tom : Crow!
Crow: Ship - out of danger?
Tom : Yes -

[Crow is satisfied; he fights for breath.]

Crow: Do not grieve, Admiral - it is logical: the needs
of the many outweigh -

[He almost keels over. Tom has tears steaming down
his face.]

Tom : ... the needs of the few...
Crow: ...or the one.

[He props a hand on the glass to support himself. Tom's
hand reflexively goes to match Crow's on the other side
of the glass -]

Crow: I never took the Kobayashi Maru test - until now.
What do you think of my solution?
Tom : Crow!
Crow: I have been- and always will be... Wait.
Tom? I think this one's been done too.
Tom: Are you sure?
Crow: Yeah.
Tom: Damn! This is getting ridiculous! Everything we've tried
today has been a repeat! Everything! I'm sick of this!
I'd like to do one *original* thing today! Just one!

Mike: [O.S.] I think that I can help you with that.

[The bots turn to the side of the Bridge. Mike walks into
view. He's, well, he's dressed like Alanis Morrisette in
her video to "Thank You." Long black hair, pixels, the
er, works. The bots stare at Mike for a moment before
bursting into a fit of laughter. After nearly a minute of
laughter, the bots recover enough to speak.]

Tom: Well, I'm certain we've never done *this* before.
Crow: Yeah, if you had, there's no way we would have ever
let you live this down.
Mike: Thanks guys.
Tom : Okay, Mike. Let's hear what you've got.
Crow: After all, <snicker> we can already see what you've got.
Tom : By the way Mike, is it cold in here?
Mike: Ha ha! Anyway, I thought maybe we need move beyond Ratliff
bashing, so check this out:

Mike:
[singing, TTO Alanis Morisette's "Thank You"]
o/~ How about getting off of this carping 'bout fanfic?
How about just stopping reading when I'm tired?
How about enjoying the Virginia scenery?
How about that lingering sense of dignity?

Thank you Marrissa
Thank you Throwaway
Thank you Starfleet Kids' Crew
Thank you Tracke
Thank you Disney
Thank you thank you Stephen

How about me not blaming you for writing?
How about me enjoying the story for once?
How about how good it feels to finally forgive you?
How about showing the Federation some respect?

Thank you Marrissa
Thank you Throwaway
Thank you Starfleet Kids' Crew
Thank you Tracke
Thank you Disney
Thank you thank you Stephen

The moment I hung up on Trek was
The moment I got more than I could handle
The moment I started to watch it it was
The moment I found peace!

How about no longer saying you're sadistic?
How about remembering your humanity?
How about getting your computer science degree?
How about not equating hate with riffing?

Thank you Marrissa
Thank you Radford
Thank you Starfleet Kids' Crew
Thank you A.S.C.
Thank you Jean-Luc
Thank you thank you Stephen

Yeah, yeah, yeah! o/~

Mike: So, whaddaya think?

[long pause]

Tom: Frankly, Mike, we have mixed feelings.
Crow: Yeah, the song parody was pretty good.
Tom: And the idea was actually pretty - touching.
Mike: Thanks!
Crow: But the source material is just so - so - Alanis!
Tom: Yeah! *snork* And that costume is just - just –
BWAHAHAHAH!!!!!!
[Tom & Crow both give in to uncontrollable giggling fits]
Mike: Well, I can see you two are through for the day.
[lights flash] What do you think down there, Pearl?

[Castle Forrester]
[Pearl, Observer & Bobo are just staring at the screen]

[SoL]
Mike: Um, hello? Evil captors? H-hello?

[Castle Forrester]–
[The Castle Crew continues to stare. Finally, Pearl shakes her head.]
Pearl: Okay, Mike - I have to admit, dressing up like that is
pretty evil, even for me.
Observer: Not to mention just a bit on the revolting side.
Bobo: I don’t get it - why’s his naughty bits all blurry-looking?
Observer: To protect the audience’s sensibilities.
Bobo: What audience?
Observer: The audience of - um - oh, never mind!
Pearl: Anyway, Nelsmell, I think we’ll call this one a draw.

[SoL]
Mike: A draw? I didn’t even know we were comp-

[Castle Forrester]
Pearl: Forget it - I refuse to concede any more than that! And
don't think that all this talk of "we've done this before"
is going to tip the scales in your favor! And another
thing, we...

[At this point, goofy-sounding music fills the castle. As Pearl
and crew look around in confusion, a neatly dressed man in a bowler
wanders through, tips his hat, and leaves.]

Pearl: Huh.
Observer: Huh.
Bobo: Ahhhhhh. Haven’t we done that before?
Pearl & Observer: BOBO!!!
Bobo: SCREEECH!!!

[Bobo runs out, chased by Pearl & Brain Guy, and the scene fades to black.]
------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Field Trip
Written by Stephen B. Ratliff
Misting by: Matt Blackwell, Dean Carrano, Bill Livingston, Michael Neylon, Tom
Salyers, and Michael "Rottweiler" Wallen

The authors of this story would like to extend their condolences
to Mr. Ratliff over recent events in his life.

Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for non-commercial
parody, review, and commentary purposes only; no infringement
on the original copyrights or trademarks held by Best Brains,
Inc., Paramount Pictures Corporation, The Walt Disney Company or
anyone else, is intended or should be inferred.

No personal insults to author(s), character(s), or situation(s)
are or should be implied. All characters in this work are
fictional , and any resemblance to actual people, living or dead,
is purely coincidental.

And now some messages for our compatriots in the occupied nations.

Paula is a wonderful woman. Paula is a wonderful woman.
Jim likes his trout sautéed. Jim likes his trout sautéed.
John has a large mustache. John has a large mustache.
The owls are not what they seem. The owls are not what they seem.

"She's A Pest" was written by Bill Livingston.

"Thank You, Ratliff" was written by Bill Livingston and
Michael Wallen. Based on an idea by Matt Blackwell.

Keep circulating the posts.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

[The scene fades back in, revealing Deep 13. Doctor Forrester enters
from the left, carrying a book.]

Dr. F: [Not looking up.] Okay, Mike. It took a bit longer than I
expected, but I finally found something for you. It's called
"American Psycho" and it's by... [He looks up and a puzzled
expression spreads across his face.] Mike? Little Friends?
Hello? [He frowns.] Hrmph. They're gone. Oh, poopie.

[He hits a button and the screen contracts with a ...]

\ | /
\ | /
--- * --- PWOOOOSH!
/ | \
/ | \

------------------------------------------------------------------------

12/24/98

Twang.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

> "Oh I just can't wait to be king!" Jay sang.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

0 new messages