MSTing - "The Storyteller" [D&D][CASTLE] - C&C highly appreciated
Jack Mileur
MSTed by Jack Mileur (aka River City Random)
March 7, 2003
MSTer's note: This is my third msting, but also the first done
completely solo. Kate and I had decided to do this together originally,
but as time went on she decided, understandably, that she didn't want to
MST her own work. But by that time I was mostly done with the story
anyway, so she let me go ahead and publish it as it was. At any rate,
please direct all comments and criticism to riverci...@hotpop.com.
Enjoy!
[Mystery Science Theater 3000 Season 9 opening... you know the words!]
[SOL Bridge. Tom and Crow are sitting behind two computers. The sounds
of bloodshed, gunfire, and screaming monsters emanate from the
computers' speakers. Mike is off to the left.]
Mike: Hello. I'm Mike Nelson on the Satellite of Love. Today the bots
and I are trying to answer the eternal question: does Doom promote
violence? Let's find out, shall we?
[Camera pans away from Mike, centering its view on the robots and
computers.]
Tom: Grrr... I can't get Doom to load!
Crow: Why not, Servo?
Tom: It keeps saying that it doesn't have enough memory to run... I have
512 megabytes in this thing!
Crow: That would be the 640K DOS limit. Try shutting down Windows and
running it in DOS.
Tom: [punching buttons] Ok, I'm in DOS, but now the sound doesn't work!
Crow: You probably don't have a DOS soundcard driver.
Tom: I guess I'll play without sound. [punching buttons] "Mouse not
detected?" It's right here, you hunk of junk!
Crow: Looks like you need to download a mouse driver too, Servo. I can
wait.
Tom: But I want to play you now! I'll play the game with my beak if I
have to! [turns around to Crow] Hey, where are you anyway?
Crow: Oh, nowhere, just the secret "Wolfenstein" level! I've also maxed
out my health and I've got a whole ton of weapons! You'll never catch up
to me now, pal! And I'm playing at 1600x1200 resolution in brilliant
color and sound, too, because I've got a Mac and you had to buy that
stupid Windows machine! *guffaws*
Tom: Bring it on, golden boy! I'm coming to get you! [punches
some more buttons] "THIS PROGRAM HAS PERFORMED AN ILLEGAL OPERATION AND
WILL BE SHUT DOWN?!?!?!?!?!?!?!" AAAAAAAAAUUGHH!!!! [Tom goes into a
rampage, smashing the computer, Crow, Crow's computer, Mike... anything
in sight, screaming and cursing in foul tongues as-yet unheard by man nor
bot.]
Crow: Uh-oh! [runs off]
Mike: [ducking] I guess that answers my question... we'll be right back.
Crow: [offstage] But Macs still rule!!!
[Commercial Sign: WAR--the hit new CBS reality show, coming soon! ...
"Lord of the Rings" Special Enhanced Edition with 30 minutes extra
footage--as if the 3-hour theatrical release wasn't long enough! ...
MURDER SHE WROTE: The Next Generation! Starring Patrick Stewart as
Jessica Fletcher! ... Everybody loves baklava! But will the commercials
ever end?]
[SOL Bridge. The set looks as if it has been scorched. Dirt and rubble
lie everywhere. Tom's dome has a huge hole gouged out of it and Tom
himself is badly singed. Mike, who luckily escaped ground zero while he
still had time, holds Tom in his arms, consoling him.]
Mike: There, there, Tom. It was just a stupid ten-year-old shareware
game... If I knew how much it meant to you, I would have kept my old 486
with DOS 6.22...
Tom: [sniffling] I'm sorry, Mike. I've just been a little on-edge ever
since "Tommy." I just hope Crow's computer is okay.
Crow: [walks in] Oh, that thing? My iBook's titanium casing could
withstand a nuclear explosion, and it could still run circles around
Pentium computers with chips three times as fast!
Tom: Ugh... I wonder if Gateway's warranty covers "acts of bot..."
Mike: I doubt it. [Mads light flashes.] Oh look, two imps and a
Cyberdemon are calling...
[Castle Forrester. Pearl is sitting in a big, fluffy chair. About ten or
twelve children are sitting in front of her, watching her intently.
Several cameras surround the scene]
Pearl: Oh hello, Nelspawn. Today, I've decided to do what the alcohol
and tobacco companies do so well...
[SOL.]
Mike: Stink up your breath?
Crow: Make stupid doofuses take poison to think they're cool?
Tom: Overburden an already-sagging medical industry?
[Castle Forrester.]
Pearl: Well, those too, but I was thinking primarily of their chief
slogan, "Hit them while they're young." So, I've got this sweet PBS show
going where I'm going to inflict my bad fanfics on America's youth, warp
their fragile little minds, and when they grow up with no sense of will
or purpose I will take over the world! Hey, if it worked for Barney, it
can work for me! Ha ha ha ha--
[The kids stare puzzledly at Pearl.]
Pearl: Ha ha--oh, sorry, where was I, children? [Opens book, and in the
sweetest voice she can muster, reads:] "Marrissa and 4 other children
entered the bridge a few minutes before 1600 hours. Captain Picard was
there along with Beta Shift. 'Ah, Marrissa right on time,' Picard said."
[SOL.]
Tom: Oh, in the name of all that is good, NO!!!!
Crow: You monster! Those poor children...
[Castle Forrester.]
Pearl: [smirking] "'I assum this is your bridge crew.' 'Correct,'
Marrissa said and sensing that he wanted interductions..."
Kid from back row: *INTENSE INTRODUCTION ACTION!*
Pearl: [looked up startledly, then trying to look cool, ignored it and
continued:] "'Jay Gordan Craig who will act as my first officer.
Clara Sutter, my chief Enginneer who will leave for saucer engineering
in an hour."
Another kid: I'm engineering them for our tea party! Won't you join us?
Pearl: [turning red, but maintaining her composure] "Alexander, Chief of
Security; Patterson Supra, helmsman; and Ro Narys..."
Yet another kid: Ensign Ro and Major Kira's illegitimate love child!
Still another kid: Yeah, think up an original name, for a change!
Pearl: [grimacing, looking really perturbed] "science and ops; round out
my Alpha shift. Jay also takes command of Beta Shift, and Clara of
Gamma."
Kid #5: And Locutus of Borg.
Kid #6: And Garth of Izar.
Kid #7: And Elaan of Troyius.
Pearl: Oh, I see you've read that MSTing, too... [throws book down] Oh,
just get out of here, you brats! Go... play some violent video games, or
something... [kids scatter] Now, as for you, you subverters of public
morality, I've got a special fic in store! It's called "The
Storyteller" and it's a magical fantasy epic about the joy of reading...
or IS IT? [evil laugh] Read it and weep, losers!
[SOL. Movie sign flashes. Klaxons blare. Mike and the bots scramble
into the theater.]
ALL: AAAAAH! WE'VE GOT STORY SIGN!!!!
[6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1...]
Tom: Wow, those kids! I didn't know we had an audience in the 6-11
demographic.
Mike: Yeah... I thought kids today were just violent hooligans; now I
know they're sophisticated, cynical, and pop-culture-savvy violent
hooligans.
Crow: It's a good idea we let Generation X breed, then.
> The Storyteller
Mike: Yes, I'm sure it's very interesting, but could I just have my
money, please?
> By Kate Mileur
>
> In the darkness that precluded morning, the ancient evil
> that was Ro'gah Dahn crouched in silent vigilance by the
> roadside.
Tom: [Ro'gah Dahn] Do you mind? I'm trying to take a crap here!
> It had waited many hours along this barren stretch of
> highway,
Crow: Man, hitchhiking in the Middle Ages isn't all it's cracked up to
be!
> secure in the knowledge that its quarry would soon pass
> by. At last he did.
Mike: It was huge and filled with limestone. It was impossible to miss.
> A young man who had an errand in another town was now returning to the
> castle where he served as a security guard
Tom: Until he saw "Hobgoblins," and lost all respect for his profession.
> nearly fifteen miles from the place that Ro'gah Dahn had chosen. A
> young man who happened to be a StoryTeller.
>
> A young man who would not live past sunrise.
Crow: He read to children every week at the library. He had to be
destroyed.
> Ro'gah Dahn studied his quarry for a bit.
Mike: [Ro'gah Dahn] Excellent granite, not too deep... it will do.
> A tall youth, with dark hair and dark eyes, broad shoulders, of course
> no match for him.
Crow: He stopped carrying them when he decided to quit smoking.
> Simple fool, He thought. You never ever, knew what you were.
Tom: A nameless extra in a cheesy fantasy story?
Mike: I think he's better off not knowing.
> Ro'gah Dahn waited until the man had passed before he made
> his attack.
Crow: So, he waited until he was dead before he killed him?
> The young man didn't know what hit him.
>
> A scream that was a human soul rang through the darkness
> once, and then was silenced.
Mike: Honey, pick up the phone! It's your soul!
> In the Place where Ro'gah Dahn had been was a young man. Tall, Broad
> shouldered, with dark hair,
Crow: Aaaah! Run for your lives! It's Brendan Fraser!
Tom: Stop him before he tries to *act*!
> all appeared to be as it should be, except
> the young man's eyes glowed with an unearthly evil.
Mike: Stupid cheap camera! Where's the red-eye correction on this
thing?
> Ro'gah Dahn adjusted his pack on his shoulders and headed
> for the town. Now that he had a body, he was free to go where
> ever he wanted.
Tom: [Ro'gah Dahn] Now I can sell that baldness cure I've been working
on! I call it... Ro'gah-aine!
Mike & Crow: [groan]
> He was free to track down the Storytellers, learn their secrets,
Mike: And force them to read him "Pat The Bunny."
> and wipe every one of them out of existence.
> He was looking forward to it.
>
> ***
Mike: Right after he got rid of these Tribbles.
> It was a beautiful spring day in the village of Potos.
Tom: Everything was great now that awful Secret of Mana kid was gone.
> The sun was shining in a clear blue sky, the green grass sprang back
> up after a person stepped on it,
Crow: Launching them clear into the air.
Mike: Grazing in the grass... is a blast!
> and the trees on the edge of the forest of Verlaste
Tom: Where the unchinge age trees grow.
> swayed with the gentle breeze. It was a perfect day
Crow: FOR MURDER!!!
Tom: Man, and they call me the dark one.
> for exploring. Lydia was grateful for the chance
> when she was assigned the task of gathering herbs in the forest
> for the Special Easter Meal.
Crow: Lydia loved ordering the Chicken McEaster Nuggets.
> They only work when fresh, you know.
Mike: Oh great, the author is one of those "fresh herbs only" food
snobs.
Tom: If she tells us to only use balsamic vinegar and extra-virgin olive
oil, I'm out of here.
> Nobody really knew why the Easter Meal was so special,
Mike: Or why they were celebrating a Christian holiday on this strange
alien fantasy world in the first place.
> for it was a tradition started many years ago, long before even The
> Elder was born.
Tom: They think it might have started in the Eisenhower administration.
> Tradition holds a hallowed spot in Potan
> culture, though, and Lydia was honored to be able to help with
> the communal dinner for this honored occasion.
Crow: Especially since she got to be in the communal orgy afterwards.
> The forest of Verlaste is a beautiful area.
Mike: [Narrator] You'll have to take our word for it, though.
> The bridge at Chaya river is one of the most drawn pictures in the
> world, and many wedding ceremonies are held in the cherry grove at
> springtime. Lydia loved the place, and spent whatever time she
> could roaming the area.
Crow: And thanks to Verizon Wireless, all of her roaming minutes are
free!
Tom: [Verizon guy] Can you hear me now? Good!
> She knew it better than anyone else in
> the whole village, and was often sent to find things that no one
> else knew where to look for.
Crow: [Monty Python] She could correctly identify a larch from a certain
distance away.
> This forest was much more than a collection of firewood.
Mike: [Narrator] It was also a breeding ground for vermin.
> It was believed the Ancestors settled here because they saw the
> perfectness of the place, and realized the importance of keeping
> the balance.
Tom: But now it's all been cut down and turned into a mini-mall!
> If a person cut down a pine tree for firewood, he
> made sure the next tree he hewed wasn't a pine,
Mike: Or there'd be hell to pay from Greenpeace.
> and he made that one last a while. Here, one can find everything that
> is needed to live, like food and healing medicines.
Crow: It was a lot like Walgreen's Pharmacy, larger of course, with a
wider variety of lichens and predatory animals.
> It's a very important place. It's also very large. No one is sure,
> but it is believed that other people live here as well.
Tom: Bigfoots, however, only counted as three-fifths of a person for
purposes of representation.
> It was in this place that Lydia, armed with a basket and
> various cutting tools,
Mike: Set out to take care of that Big Bag Wolf once and for all.
Crow: Little Red Riding Hood II: The Revenge!!!
> went to look for spices. The best herbs
> Grew near water, as any Potan knew,
Tom: ...how to make a "Potan Potable..." hehehe...
Mike: Enough with the puns, already!
> so Lydia set out for Highland's brook, northwest of the village. It
> wasn't far, and there was a good clearing by the brook that Lydia spent
> a lot of her time in. It had a nice big oak tree near the edge, and
> she would often climb it to be alone with her thoughts.
Crow: But she could never flee the voices in her head.
> There was a hollowed-out place in the trunk which Lydia hid her
> Journal in. She did a lot of her writing in that place.
Mike: [Lydia] "Dear Teen Beat, Please publish more pics of that dreamy
Jonathan Taylor Thomas..."
Crow: [Lydia] "... it was the best of times, it was the blurst of
times... " ah, that's not right!
Tom: [Lydia] "... if my demands are not met, the screams of those who
have wronged me will fill the student... union..."
> Today was strictly business, however. She worked quickly,
> separating the herbs that tasted one way from the ones that were
> needed for other reasons,
Crow: [Lydia] This is going straight up my nose!
> tying them all into little groups and
> labeling then for the people who needed them. Parsley, sage,
> rosemary, thyme, she thought, Boring!
Crow: So I guess she's not going to Scarborough Fair.
> Well, at least I'm not with the rest of the kids! They can be so
> mean to me sometimes.
>
> At last her job was finished, and she picked herself up and
> prepared to leave. But something sticking out of her tree caught
> her eye.
Mike: [Lydia] Ewwww! Tree, tuck that back in right now!
> She went to look, a little annoyed that someone was
> using HER place and HER tree.
Tom: And that they didn't even bother to flush.
> She hadn't noticed it there when she had first arrived. She pulled it
> out. The weight of it nearly knocked her down.
Crow: Well, maybe "it" needs to go on a diet!
Tom: [singing] I get knocked down... but I get up again...
> It was a book, a fairly large book, with blue binding that
> was almost but not quite leather, and a title in a strange
> dialect she couldn't read yet seemed familiar.
Mike: The Book of Mormon?
> She was curious, but she would have left it there (for it
> clearly belonged to someone!) had she not also noticed the note
> attached to the cover. The note said,
Tom: "Do not remove from hotel room. This book placed by the Gideons."
> "Lydia, this is for you. The Elder will recognize it. You
> must bring it to him when you return to town.
Crow: [Letter] So this is for you, in a way that it's actually for the
Elder...
> All is eventually for the good. Keep that in mind. Sincerely, A
> friend."
>
> Strange.
Tom: [Lydia] I didn't know I had any friends.
> I wonder who it is. I haven't seen anyone around
> here before. Oh well. Grandfather will know. He always knows.
> I doubt if he'll tell me though.
Mike: Ever since the stroke, he could only communicate in clicks and
whistles!
> So she complied. Surprisingly, the book got strangely light
> once she put it in her basket. When she took it out later she found
> it hadn't hurt her cargo at all.
>
> Ruelim, the Elder of Potos,
Tom: Was severely harangued by Ovres Mot.
Crow: Tobor T. Wroc would also not leave him alone.
Mike: Even Noslen Ekim paid him little heed.
> was in his study when Lydia came
> to him with the book. "Well, Lydia, why are you here?
Tom: [Ruelim] I thought we were all paid up!
Mike: [Lydia] Gonna need another 50... real shame if something happened
to this hut.
> Your chores are done. I expected to not be able to find you at all
> today." He smiled. "To what do I owe this honor?"
Tom: [Ruelim] Yeah, I didn't expect you for the rest of the day...
*mumbling* Geez, take the hint, why don't you?
Crow: *falsetto* Who's that at the door? Get back to bed, love muffin!
Mike: [Lydia] Oh my god!!! Mom, is that you?
> "Grandfather, while I was gathering herbs today, I came
> across a book with a note attached to it telling me to bring it
> to you. It looked important, so I did."
Tom: [Ruelim] Yeah, people always leave important documents for me
inside knots of hollow trees deep inside the forest!
> She handed him the book. "It seems familiar to me, somehow, but I do
> not understand the words."
Crow: [Ruelim] No wonder... it was written by Rush Limbaugh!
> The Elder looked at the book as though he recognized it as
> well. He examined every part of it,
Tom: [Ruelim] Grrr... where's the "on" switch on this thing?
> and Lydia was afraid to
> disturb him, lest he sent her out, but she was curious as well.
Mike: [Lydia] Elder, what does "Kama Sutra" mean?
> Finally, he spoke again.
>
> "Yes, Lydia, it is very important.
Crow: It's a thesaurus, so the author can use even *bigger* words in
this story...
> It is one of the lost books of our ancestors, and it holds
> many secrets that will be of value to us. Thank you for being so
> perceptive."
>
> "Pardon me for asking, but who sent it?"
Tom: [Elder] The Ancient Tome of the Month Club, of course!
> "It's alright for you to be curious, but I can't tell you
> who sent it now."
>
> "Why not? It was adressed to me."
>
> "I know, child."
Tom: [Devil Fish guy] I knooooow!
> "But you're not going to tell me."
>
> "Yet." He paused. "But you will know. Soon. I promise."
> There were a lot of things he wasn't going to tell her right now,
> but it was for the best.
Crow: [Ruelim] Eh... I don't need to give her the stupid safety lecture
right now...
Tom: [Lydia, flailing wildly] AAAH! HELP ME! IT BURNS, IT BURNS!!!!
> Many things needed to happen first.
> There was no reason to spoil her fun now, though. There was a
> celebration tomorrow. "Now get going, girl," He said. "Those
> herbs are needed for
Tom: [Ruelim] the druggies--I mean, the glaucoma sufferers at the
Medicinal Marijuana clinic!
> the food, and I'm sure they need help setting up the booths for the
> carnival. Go see what you can do to help."
Crow: [Lydia] Awww, but they stick me in the dunk tank *every* year!
> "Yes, sir," she replied, and was gone.
>
> There were a lot of things to do to set up, and it was
> growing dark before Lydia set off for home. On her way, she
> noticed her friend, Mana.
Mike: She wondered what her "secret" was.
Crow: And what the heck it was doing with "Evermore."
> Normally cheerful, Mana looked like she had been crying a lot recently.
>
> "What's the matter, Mana? You look bad.
Tom: [Jessica Rabbit] I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way!
> What has happened?"
>
> "My brother is badly hurt."
>
> "Dex? He was alright last time I saw him."
Mike: So this is a Secret of Mana/Masked Rider crossover now?
> "He fell out of a tree picking berries for the gathering
> tomorrow. We took him to the Healer's right away, but it doesn't
> look very good.." She started to cry again.
Tom: [Mana] *sniff...* He might actually live!
> Lydia put her arm around her to comfort Mana, who was now
> crying uncontrollably.
Crow: [little girl in _Days of Our Years_] I didn't hate accidents
enough!
> "I'm sure he'll be alright," she said, "Dex is tough. He could live
> through practically anything."
Mike: He's a giant motorcycle-riding cockroach, remember? He could
survive the next holocaust!
Crow: Yeah, unless Saban cancels him first.
Tom: *sighs* Ferbus, we hardly knew thee.
> She didn't tell her friend about the book, or that Mana's news had
Crow: INTERRUPTED THIS PROGRAM FOR A SPECIAL REPORT!
Mike: Iraqi nukes are coming this way? *YAWN!* Wonder what's on
Springer... [click]
> affected her more than anyone, even Lydia, could guess. "He'll
> be alright. You'll see. I'll tell you what, tomorrow, after
> the gathering, we'll go see him together. I'll tell him a new
> story.
Tom: [Lydia] And I won't even cobble it together from a bunch of Kamen
Rider and sentai shows from the 70's! I promise!
> Mana brightened up considerably. "He likes your stories.
Crow: [Homer Simpson] I like stories.
> That'll help him get better, I'm sure."
Mike: [Mana] Just don't tell him the one about the 12-year-old girl
starship captain... that might make him worse.
Tom: [Lydia] Darn... what about the one where Chip and Dale meet the
rats of NIMH? Or the one where the Sailor Scouts team up with this guy
named Chris, who ends up marrying three of them?
Mike: [Mana] Errrr... why don't you just send him a nice card?
> "Now go get some rest, Mana.
Crow: Don't forget, Mana, that you have to recharge you in order to cast
you in battle!
> I don't want to have to visit two friends at the Healer's tomorrow.
> Goodnight." Lydia walked off toward her house and climbed the steps.
> It was dark now, and before she went in she
Tom: ... tripped and fell, her skull cracking on the base of the stairs.
Mike: Tom, was that really necessary?
Tom: Yes, it was, Mike. I have to meet my dark riff quota somehow, you
know.
> looked at the stars.
>
> I don't understand any of it. So much has happened today,
Crow: [Lydia] Yeah, I found a book in a tree, and I talked to some
people. I feel *so* accomplished!
> and I don't know why. There are so many things I need to know,
> and I don't. I wish Dex wasn't hurt so bad.
Mike: [Lydia] I need to use him to check my Pokemon stats!
> I should have been there!
Tom: [Lydia] That accident would have been *cool* to watch!
> Maybe I could have helped. But then I wouldn't have found the book,
> which the Elder says is so important. Why is it so important? What
> isn't he telling me?
Crow: And why does he mysteriously clam up every time I mention the
global Illuminati conspiracy?
> I don't know.
Tom: But The Shadow knows!
> Lydia went to bed. She needed rest. Chances were good
> that she would find out soon enough what was going on.
Mike: We certainly hope so! And while you're at it, could you tell
*us*, the readers, what the heck's going on too?
> The Elder had promised, hadn't he? She had enough to worry about
> anyway. Tomorrow was a big day, and she wanted to face it well.
Tom: So she put on a happy face with Pond's Cold Cream!
> Sleep came soon.
Crow: But not soon enough!
Mike: Let's get out of here, you guys. [Picks up Tom, all leave]
[1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6...]
[SOL Bridge. Tom is once again playing on his computer. It has a lot of
carbon scoring, but it seems to be working. Mike and Crow walk in.]
Crow: Now, Mike, that story wasn't quite so bad. It had a good deal of
mystery and suspense, and it raised some interesting questions. What's
the deal with the Book? Why won't the Elder tell Lydia anything about
it? And what did that evil dude in the first part have to do with
anything? It raised so many unanswered questions, it almost seemed--
unfinished, or something.
Mike: Well, maybe the author will write more after she finds out what
*we* did to it...
Crow: Yeah, like a five-hundred-page flame post, perhaps. [looks at
Tom] Hey, Servo, don't you think you should stay away from those buggy
old DOS games?
Tom: Oh, I've given up trying to get old DOS games to work! I've got a
brand-new state-of-the-art Windows XP title to keep me occupied!
Mike: [looks at the screen] "The Sims"?
Crow: Something tells me we won't be hearing from Tom for the rest of
the month. Say Mike, let's go play some River City Ransom on the NES in
your room.
Mike: Oh, ok. Just don't pick my character up and use him as a weapon
anymore, ok? It's so humiliating...
[Both start leaving, stage right.]
Crow: [offstage] Aww, but it's just so cool-looking!
[A poignant pause.]
Tom: Ok, now to dim the lights and get Ted and Arlene hot for each
other... WHAT? GENERAL PROTECTION FAULT IN 0x00019F3EBC2??? AAAAAHHHH!
[House lights dim. Credits roll.]
[BOOM!!!]
All Mystery Science Theater 3000 characters, trademarks, and related
indicia copyright (c) Best Brains, Inc. "The Storyteller" is copyright
(c) 1995 (or so) Kate Mileur, even if she didn't want to help me with the
MSTing. Scenes from "Enterprized" are copyright (c) 1993 Stephen
Ratliff, and he's welcome to it. The kids' riffs are based from the
excellent MSTing of "Enterprized", which is copyright (c) 1994 Dave
Hines. And while I am crediting every one and his brother, this MSTing
is copyright (c) 2003 Jack Mileur... whew, that was a mouthful.
Keep circulating the posts!
> A scream that was a human soul rang through the darkness
> once, and then was silenced.
Elisann Feyring
> Crow: Oh, nowhere, just the secret "Wolfenstein" level! I've also maxed
> out my health and I've got a whole ton of weapons! You'll never catch up
> to me now, pal! And I'm playing at 1600x1200 resolution in brilliant
> color and sound, too, because I've got a Mac and you had to buy that
> stupid Windows machine! *guffaws*
A reversal of the canon Crow-PC Tom-Mac (Joel-Amiga!) thing, hmm?
Jack Mileur
Damn! I didn't know there was a canon discussion on which computers
the bots liked. Is this in the show or just in various MSTings?
Elisann Feyring
> > A reversal of the canon Crow-PC Tom-Mac (Joel-Amiga!) thing, hmm?
>
> Damn! I didn't know there was a canon discussion on which computers
> the bots liked. Is this in the show or just in various MSTings?
"Gamera vs Barugon" for instance, opening segment:
Tom: cd-slash-w-p-five-one, return. Ah, criminy. Stupid clones! I really miss my
Mac. Hey Crow, what's this mean? "Too many paramaters, hyphen-w-p-five-one"?
Crow: What? Oh.. uh, you used a forward slash instead of a backslash.
Tom? What? OH, oh, okay. cd-BACKSLASH-w-p-5-1, return.
Magic Voice: Thirty seconds to commercial sign.
Joel [popping up in front of the desk with a stage-whisper]: Hi everyone,
welcome back to the Satellite of Love. Tom Servo and Crow are in the middle of
another user interface war. Let's watch! [ducks down again]
Tom: Oh, this is rich. "Bad command or file name." Boy, they expect you to be a
machine to operate this machine!
Crow: Oh, I suppose you'd prefer a little animated clown who would juggle over
to the little file cabinet, and then wink at you and point to the right drawer?
Tom: Well, sure! At least I don't have to have a photographic memory to get my
Mac to work.
Joel: Both user interfaces work perfectly well. It's really just a matter of the
individual's personal preference. We think the joke'll be on Tom Servo and Crow!
Tom: Now here, the problem with IBMs and compatibles is that they lack the
elegance and intuitive nature of the Mac. Mac products are reliable, proven, and
they always work.
Crow: Oh yeah? What about System 7?
Tom: It's coming! It's coming, okay?! There were a few bugs in it, okay??
Joel: You can have a lot of fun with people hopelessly mired in computer nuance.
Watch this: Hey, has anybody seen the mouse for my Amiga?
Tom: Ha ha, oh, Amiga? Ha ha ha!
Crow: Ha ha, Amiga!
Tom: There's a machine for ya! Hoo hoo.
Crow: Ha, yeah.
My recollection is that it pops up in other episodes, but I can't make any
specific references. I just happened to be watching "Gamera vs. Barugon" last
night.
Elisann
____________________
* enchanted be! * oh smeg! * mstie #31731 * hail malkav * hoof and horn *
The world is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow
sharper.
Jack Mileur
only after the Sci-Fi episodes had went into reruns, I've missed an
awful lot of the Joel ones.) I think it's funny though that "System 7"
is still in the beta-testing stage and they're using WordPerfect 5.1...
which dates this episode horribly. In 10 years nobody will know what
they're talking about. (I still use WP 5.1 but that's another story.)
I think in upcoming MSTings I will update the Mac-PC debate a bit...
Gypsy would make a good Linux geek, and I think I'll give Mike a WebTV,
just for the hell of it. Or maybe he blows them all to dust with his
Palm Pilot, which have gotten quite advanced nowadays. Thanks for the info!
--Jack (aka River City Random)
Jack Mileur
> "Jack Mileur" <riverci...@hotpop.com> wrote:
>
> > > A reversal of the canon Crow-PC Tom-Mac (Joel-Amiga!) thing, hmm?
> >
> > Damn! I didn't know there was a canon discussion on which computers
> > the bots liked. Is this in the show or just in various MSTings?
>
> "Gamera vs Barugon" for instance, opening segment:
*snip of great bot bit*
Robert Hutchinson
> My recollection is that it pops up in other episodes, but I can't make any
> specific references. I just happened to be watching "Gamera vs. Barugon" last
> night.
Crow seems to still be using a PC-compatible in 612, when he's trying to
"log on" to the "information" "super" "high" "way". And Tom's still
giving him a hard time.
--
I can read! Don't you think I can read?!
Robert Hutchinson | "Aww, I HATE being the human shield."
|
| -- Quait Fat, _Dynasty Memory_ Part 9,
| Brian Clevinger, nuklearpower.com