[MiSTing] Llanas Trilogy, Part III: "This Moment's Madness" (2 of 3)
Kaitou Juliet
>
> Keyhna paced around the cave staring at the still body of Avon.
Tom: [Keyhna] Yup. Still Avon...
> He hadn't moved for over twelve hours now, and she was worried. He
> just lay there with his eyes open, staring into space.
Crow: [Keyhna] Dammit, he died! Just like my goldfish...I could
never keep them alive either.
> Keyhna sighed and knelt near Avon. She had tried to talk to
> him before, to no avail. She tried again. "Kerr? Can you hear
> me?"
Tom and Crow: [singing to the tune of "Teen Angel"] Kerr Avon, can you
hear me? Kerr Avon, can you see me?
> He didn't even blink.
Tom: [Avon] Maybe if I lie very, very still, she'll go away.
> She knitted her eyebrows.
Joel: [Keyhna] Are you ignoring me on purpose?
> "Your leg was broken; I set it while
> you were still unconscious. Now, I give you food, and you won't eat
> it. I give you water, and you won't drink it.
Crow: [Keyhna] I give you sex, and you won't have any!
> I give you medicines
> to ease your pain and heal you, and you won't take them. I talk to
> you, but you won't answer.
Tom: [Keyhna] I leave messages on your answering machine, and you
won't call me back!
Joel: [Keyhna] I show up at your workplace, and you won't see me!
Crow: [Keyhna] You changed all the locks on your apartment! Don't
you like me anymore?
> I do not understand you, Kerr."
> "Why do you keep calling me that?"
Joel: [Avon] Why? Why? WHY do you keep calling me at all?!
> Keyhna was taken by surprise at the sound of Avon's voice.
> "What?"
> "Why do you call me 'Kerr'? Why?"
Joel: [Avon/Cindy Lou Who] Why are you taking our Christmas tree? Why?
> His voice was weak and
> tremulous.
Tom: And way, way out of character.
> "That is your name, isn't it?" Keyhna asked, confused.
Joel: [Keyhna] Isn't that your name? It's all over your underwear.
> "Yes...but most people...
Crow: [Avon]...call me "You bastard."
> why do you keep calling me that?"
> "While you were unconscious, you kept repeating, 'Avon...My
> name is Kerr Avon...'"
Tom: My God--he's even repetitive in his sleep!
Crow: My name is Kerr Avon, I come from New Haven, I work in the
stableyards there. All the people I meet as I walk down the
street ask me "How did you come to be there?"
> "Most...most people call me Avon."
Tom: [Avon] And when I call them back, I say "Avon calling!"
> "Oh. All right, then. I'll call you--"
Orac: Ishmael?
Crow: Crazy?
Tom: Irresponsible?
Joel: Just *don't* call him late for dinner.
> "No! Call me
Crow: [Avon, sexily] Anytime, baby!
> Kerr. You...you look like someone who...who used
> to call me that."
> "Really? I had a sister once.
Joel: [Keyhna] For five minutes. We didn't talk much after that.
> A twin...but I'm sure I look
> like a lot of people."
Orac: Like a high school student from Illinois who wrote fanfiction
in the 1980's, for instance?
> Her voice had a sad tone to it.
> "A...a twin?" Avon's eyes were suddenly dark.
Tom: He's got peril-sensitive eyes!
> "Yes. Her name was Neyjha."
> Avon moaned and turned away as best he could.
Crow: God--he's insatiable!
> "Are you all right? Kerr?"
> "Just...just leave me alone."
> "Fine. But now that you're talking let me ask you this--how
> were you injured
Tom: She couldn't guess from his injuries and the pile of torn clothing
that he'd *fallen off the cliff*?!
> and why won't you let me help you?"
> Avon looked back at her with empty eyes.
Crow: Looks like that soul-sucker from story 2 has returned.
> "I want...
Joel: [Avon]...to collect tchotchkes and very large dogs.
> I deserve to die."
> "Ah," Keyhna began. "I see. You attempted suicide?"
Tom: Let's see...jumped off a cliff, says he wants to die...I think
that's a safe bet!
> "I walked off the cliff. I want to die."
> "Why?" Her eyes were kind, but firm.
Joel: They believed in tough love, no matter what the rest of her
face thought.
> Avon shrank back from her a little. "I...I killed your
> sister," he said in a small voice.
Tom: [Avon] Are you going to ground me?
> "I killed her.
Crow: Just in case she didn't get it the first time.
> Now, kill me."
> Keyhna's jaw dropped. "*You* killed my sister?
Orac: [Keyhna] I was all set to accuse Colonel Mustard!
> Are you
> Federation?"
> "No. I was caught in a
Tom and Crow: [singing, as Elvis/Avon] crowd...I can't walk out...because
I love you too much baby....
> trap. Your sister was the bait. I got
> her pregnant and then killed her.
Joel: I thought it was usually females who killed their mates.
> I want to die."
Tom: [Keyhna] Oh! Was *that* why you jumped off the cliff?
> Keyhna went over to her pack, which was laying against a far
> wall of the cave.
Joel: It's just resting; in a minute, the pack'll be running about
with all the others.
Crow: No, Joel, it says the pack was *laying* the cave wall!
Joel: Crow! *Against* the wall!
Crow: Still...
> She pulled out a small glass vial filled with a
> thick, dark brown liquid
Crow: Hooch!
> and returned to Avon's side. "This is a
> poison I use for hunting what little game there is around here. It
> kills instantly, and chemically decomposes in the bloodstream within
> minutes to allow the meat to be eaten."
Tom: [Keyhna] Drink it now, and I'll have food for a month!
> She unstopped the vial.
> "The poison is very potent.
Orac: [Keyhna] 180 proof, to be precise.
> If you wish to die, I won't stop you.
> Death is in this vial. If you want it, take it." She held the vial
> before him.
>
> Avon sat up a bit, resting on the least injured of his arms.
Crow: How many does he have?
Tom: Don't you know? Avon is secretly Shiva.
Orac: That would explain why he keeps destroying things.
> He took the little glass vial from her and held it in his quivering
> hand, bringing it slowly to his lips.
Joel: [Avon/Juliet] See, it is even now at my lips!
Orac: [Avon/Juliet] Neyjha, I come! This do I drink to thee!
> He closed his eyes, ready to
> drink it down.
Tom: [Avon] Well, bottoms up!
Joel: [Avon] Here's mud in your eye!
Orac: [Avon] Cheers!
Crow: [Avon] Up yours!
> Suddenly, Keyhna lashed out with her hand,
Crow: Punching Avon in the nose! Oh, the blood!
> knocking the vial
> away. It fell to the cave floor and rolled to a stop, but did not
> break. "No! Are you mad?!"
Tom: [Avon] Indian giver!
> Avon blinked.
> "I didn't believe you. I thought you wanted someone to feel
> sorry for you...you must be mad!" Keyhna exclaimed.
Joel: [Avon] I wasn't mad until you knocked the vial away.
> "You said you wouldn't stop me, but you did.
Orac: The Keyhna giveth and the Keyhna taketh away.
> Would you deny a
> man his last dignity?"
Crow: Oh, you lost that a looooong time ago, Avon.
> Keyhna grabbed Avon's shoulders and held him fast.
Tom: But not fast enough! He escaped the story and ran far, far
away.
Joel: Wishful thinking, Tom.
Tom: I know...
> She looked
> into his hollow eyes with a gaze as hard as stone.
Tom: Medusa!
> "There is no
> dignity in death, Kerr Avon!"
Tom: Guess the Hemlock Society's s.o.l. then, huh?
> Avon sank back from her and attempted to lie down. He found
> himself in an awkward position, his head resting on her legs, but he
> was too weak to move.
Crow: Doesn't sound awkward to me...
Joel: Another victim of the avatar's Aura of Smooth (tm).
> She continued to speak to him, in a softer voice than before.
> "Your death would be no retribution for my sister's. I loved her
> very dearly, but she was foolish.
Crow: [Keyhna] She never watched the "Our Growing Bodies" film in
gradeschool that taught about preventing unwanted pregnancy.
> She resisted the Federation
> instead of hiding as I did. I feel no hate for you, Kerr.
Crow: [Keyhna, sexily] Quite the opposite.
> She was
> dead as soon as they took her.
Tom: [Avon] Really? Hey, so I didn't kill her after all!
Crow: Avon pondered the issue of necrophilia briefly, then shuddered and
blanked it out.
> But that can't be all that's
> troubling you. What is it, Kerr?"
Joel: [Avon] I don't know...I just haven't felt like myself lately...
> "I'm confiding in a stranger," he said, almost in disbelief.
> "Sometimes a stranger is better than the best of friends."
Orac: Especially if that stranger is a self-insertion character.
> "Everyone who's ever trusted me...everone who I've
> trusted...they're all dead, or afraid. I killed my lover.
Tom and Crow: [singing as Avon] I felt the knife in my hand, and she
laughed no more...
> She
> betrayed me, and I killed her.
Joel: [Keyhna] So...you're saying you killed her?
> I tried to kill another friend when
> I thought my life was threatened.
Tom: [gasp] Self-defense! What a heartless wretch!
> I tried to shoot him in cold
> blood. And then I killed Blake...I want to die."
> "Death is an escape, Kerr, not a punishment.
Tom: Guess she's not a Republican.
> If you are
> atoning, then you should live and suffer. It is painful--the
> suffering is--
Tom: Well, yes. That's what makes it "suffering."
> but it is not eternal.
Tom: Unless it's associated with this fanfic...
> Death is quite permanent."
Joel: Unless you're a registered voter and live in Chicago.
> She ran her hand gently over Avon's hair and face. "To choose death
> now would be to waste a soul. You have a chance. Don't throw it
> away."
Tom and Crow: [singing] Everybody hurrrts...
> "It's not fair," Avon insisted, tears in his eyes. "It's not
> fair that I should have another chance when...when they didn't."
Tom: So have we determined when, in the course of this series, the pod
people came and replaced Avon?
> "But think of this," she began. "If they did have the chance,
> would they give it up?"
> Avon thought of this, and as he did a tear rolled down his
> cheek.
Orac: [sighs] You put a perfectly good psycho like Avon into a cave
with an author avatar, and he turns into a quivering lump of
jello.
> "It...it's so hard...so...damn...hard."
Crow: [Keyhna] You have *no* self-control, do you?
> Keyhna wiped away the tear. "I know," she said.
Crow: [Keyhna] And I want it--NOW!
> "I'm...I'm crying," Avon said, surprised at himself.
Tom: [Avon] I have tear ducts!
> "That's all right. We all need to cry once in a while, if only
> to laugh harder another time."
Crow: The avatar writes for Hallmark.
> She smiled at him--almost a maternal
> smile,
Joel: Okay, this is getting into a whole weird area here.
> and continued to gently stroke his face. He turned his face
> into her lap and softly cried out his grief.
Crow: Do I dare say what I'm thinking here?
Joel: No, you don't.
Orac: I must point out that this is not Avon. He is much more
frightening, which is why I am hiding from him.
Tom: Avon isn't on the SoL. It's Tarrant.
Orac: Really? Why didn't you say so? Take me out to see him!
Joel: Well...all right.
[He tucks Orac under one arm and Tom under the other, and they leave. Door
sequence.]
[Bridge of the SoL. Tarrant and Gypsy are there.]
Tarrant: So, anyway, what's your sign?
Gypsy: Ummm...I don't know.
Tarrant: I'm a Scorpio...I had a ship once called Scorpio.
Gypsy: That's nice.
[Joel and the Bots emerge from the theatre, with Orac.]
Orac: Unhand her, Tarrant! I saw her first!
Tarrant: Aha! So you poor fools do have our computer! I'm glad to
see your finer consciences have prevailed.
Joel: Well, we--
Tarrant: You won't regret your noble gesture, my friends. This
computer is vital to the cause of freedom!
Tom: [grumbling] It was his idea.
[Tarrant takes Orac.]
Tarrant: All right, Orac! Get us back to the ship!
Orac: [gleefully] At your command!
[Orac's lights blink and Tarrant vanishes. Orac starts to fall to
the ground. Joel catches him.]
Crow and Tom: Wow!
Crow: That was great, Orac!
Orac: Thank you.
Joel: Yeah, do you think you could send us back to Earth that way?
Orac: Certainly, if....
[Mads' light flashes. Joel hits the light]
[Deep 13. Dr. Forrester is looking into the camera. The rest of the
Blake's 7 cast are crowded in behind him, all watching the monitors.]
Dr. F: Nice try, but I'll put a stop to that. Frank! Pull the blue
lever!
Frank: [Offscreen] Sure, Steve!
[SoL]
Joel: Quick, Orac! Before he does whatever he's doing!
Orac: Very well. Hold on tight!
[Pause. Nothing happens.]
[Deep 13]
Dr. F: Sorry, folks, but you're trapped in the grip of my latest
invention. I've harnessed the power of Plot Contrivances
into an impassible forcefield around the satellite! I was
saving it for the next invention exchange, but your little
caper has forced me to unveil it a bit early.
[SoL. All look dejected.]
Orac: This is a most distressing development.
Crow: Oh well. It was a good idea.
Joel: Yeah, thanks anyway, Orac.
Tom: And at least Orac's still with us.
[Deep 13]
Dayna: This is brilliant!
Soolin: Yes, now that Tarrant's back on the ship, he'll be able to beam
the rest of us back up.
[As Soolin finishes speaking, the rest of the Blake's 7 crew fade to
white outlines, and then vanish.]
Dr. F: Now then, why don't you boobies get back into the theatre and
enjoy the rest of "This Moment's Madness" before I *cut off
your oxygen*?
[SoL . Lights and sirens go off.]
All: Ohhhh, WE GOT MOVIE SIGN!!!!!
[They head back into the theater. Door sequence.]
>
> "We're going down to get him," Tarrant said.
> "But he *told* us not to follow him!" Vila exclaimed. "And he
> sounded like he meant it."
> "I *still* want to know what he's been doing," said Soolin.
Joel: Me, too. And where he's been all this time that the imposter has
been impersonating him.
> "I want to know why he's gone without a trace and without
> contacting us for over twenty-four hours," Dayna said.
Orac: Does the entire crew have nothing to do except sit around
wondering about Avon?
Tom: That's what they did for half the last story too.
Orac: Good heavens.
> "It's three to one." Tarrant looked at Vila. "We go."
> "*Who* goes?" the thief asked.
> "I'll go," Tarrant said angrily. "I have a bone to pick with
> our dear Avon."
Joel: [Tarrant] He stood me up!
> "In that case, I'll go with you," Soolin said.
> Dayna looked at the two of them and quickly decided it would be
> better for Avon if they stayed. "Why doesn't Vila go?"
> "Me?! Why me?!" the thief protested.
Joel: [Dayna] So if there's anything scary down there, it can eat
you first.
Crow: Vila's kind of the "Shaggy" of Blake's 7, isn't he?
> "Come on, Vila!" Tarrant said, irritated.
> "Oh, all right!" The thief took three bracelets and a blaster
> and stepped into the teleport.
Orac: Wait--why does he have three bracelets? Isn't he just going for
Avon?
Joel: Ours is not to wonder why...
Tom: [chanting softly to himself] It's just a plot device...it
cannot hurt me...just a plot device....
> "But if something happens to me,
> it's all *your* fault!"
> "We'll keep that in mind," Dayna said as she switched on the
> teleport, and Vila disappeared.
Joel: [Dayna] We lose more crew members that way....
> Vila found himself at the bottom of a rugged cliff, amid rocks
> and a sizable amount of rubble.
Tom: Barney really neds to invest in some Slim Fast.
> He covered his nose to try to block
> out the stench.
Tom: Those *rocks* sure do stink!
> "Whew!" he said in disgust. He knew Tarrant had
> attempted to match Avon's coordinates exactly, but there appeared to
> be no sign of the computer expert anywhere.
Crow: Except his clothing, piled neatly by a rock.
Orac: Not to mention the abandoned Birth and Growth Accelerator.
> He spotted a cave not
> more than twenty feet away, and decided that that would be as good a
> of a place to start as any.
Tom: Then he saw it had a "Restricted Area" sign on it, and decided
to search the rest of the planet instead.
> Vila cautiously entered the cave,
Joel: [Vila] Today on "This Old Cave," we'll be showing you how to
check for bears.
> and was met by a surprising
> sight. Avon was lying awake on some bedding on the cave floor,
> surrounded by equipment
Orac: Medical equipment?
Tom: Computer equipment?
Crow: Sex toys? [quickly, as Joel opens his mouth] You have to admit,
it doesn't say!
> and near the remains of a smoldering fire.
> "Avon!" the thief exclaimed. "What happened?! Why didn't
> you--"
> "Shh!" Avon quieted him. "What are you doing here?"
Crow: [Avon] We mustn't be seen together! What if Tarrant finds out?
> "Tarrant sent me down to get you!
Tom: [Vila] Have you forgotten? It's our bridge night!
> You've been away for much
> longer than twenty-four hours. We thought--"
> "I thought I told him not to follow me."
> "Well...you did. But--"
Joel: [Vila] You know Tarrant. In one ear and out the other.
> "I can't go with you. I can't get up or move about.
Orac: [Vila] Ah. So I suppose a quickie is out of the question?
Crow: You're learning, Orac!
> I have to
> wait." Avon paused. "And I smashed my teleport bracelet when
> I...when I was injured."
Tom: [Avon] Yeah...that's the ticket...
> "I've brought extras," Vila said. "Do you want them?"
> "Leave them over there," Avon said, pointing to a niche in the
> cave wall.
Orac: [Avon] Next to the Ming vase.
> "Give me two weeks.
Joel: Give him two weeks, and he'll take a month!
> If I don't contact you by then,
> assume I'm dead.
Crow: Tarrant will translate that as "If I don't contact you by then,
send Vila down to bug me some more."
> Tell Tarrant that.
Crow and Tom: [singing as Avon] ...I'm always gonna love him/Tell him that
I'm always gonna need him...
> that. Tell him...tell him
Joel: [singing] Tell him, tell him right now!
> my
> injuries prevent me from teleporting."
Tom: [Avon] Yeah...that's it...yeah...
> "I'll do that," Vila said. He felt a sort of compassion for
> the poor computer expert suddenly.
Orac: Despite the fact that the man had tried to throw him off a shuttle
into deep space.
> "Avon?"
> "Yes?"
Tom: [Vila] If you die, can I have your room?
> "Are you going to be okay?"
> "I don't know, Vila. I really don't know." The computer
> expert sighed and closed his eyes.
> Vila set two teleport bracelets in the niche
Crow: [Vila] This one's for you. The other one's for the *real*
Avon, whenever the aliens bring him back.
> and quietly exited
> the cave. He stood outside momentarily, and contacted Tarrant.
> "Tarrant? Vila."
> Tarrant's voice came over the communicator.
Crow: Eewww!
Joel: Crow!
> "Did you find
> him?"
> "Yes."
> "Bring him with you, then," Tarrant said, still angry.
Tom: [Tarrant] I'm going to give him *such* a spanking!
> "I can't. He--"
> "Why the hell not?!"
> "Let's just say if Avon was a horse, I'd shoot him right
> now..."
Joel: [Vila] And if he wasn't a horse, I'd shoot him anyway!
> Vila disappeared from the planet's surface before he could
> finish his sentence.
Orac: Er...I believe he *did* finish his sentence!
All: D'oh!
>
> Almost a week and a half had gone by since Keyhna had
> discovered Avon
Crow: [Keyhna] I claim this Avon for Spain!
> at the bottom of the cliff, and he had healed
> remarkably under her care.
Tom: In less than two weeks?
Joel: Well, it *was* only a 50-foot drop.
> He was walking now, exercising the
> muscles in his injured leg. He enjoyed Keyhna's company, finding
> her easy to talk to and quite understanding.
Tom: [bored] Yes yes, just like all good self-inserts.
> Yet despite her
> companionship, he still was unsure of himself.
> "Keep walking," Keyhna said from her seat on a rock. "It'll do
> your legs good."
> "Going in circles isn't much fun, though," the computer expert
> complained as he walked around the girl.
Crow: [Avon] Can you take me off the leash now?
> "Walking will prevent your muscles from atrophying."
> "You seem to know a lot about medical care?"
Orac: Unlike the author.
> "I was a nurse here before the Federation came. My sister was
> a geneticist," she said sadly.
> "Were you and your sister close?" Avon stopped walking and sat
> on a rock near Keyhna.
Tom: Well, that's better than sitting on Keyhna near a rock.
Crow: Not necessarily...
> "We were twins. Twins are very rare on Llanas. There are...
> were a lot of people that *looked* like each other, but very few
> actual twins--conceived from one egg. We were close for a while,
> until she decided to become a geneticist.
Orac: [Keyhna] I disowned her when she chose to follow that heathen
profession.
> I heard very little from
> her after that, and after the Federation came I didn't hear from her
> at all.
Tom: Well, maybe that's because THEY BLEW UP THE CITY?!
> I assumed she was dead. I do miss her company sometimes,
> but I miss a lot of things that I used to enjoy."
Crow: Nudge nudge, wink wink.
> She paused a
> while, then spoke again. "And you? Do you have anyone anywhere,
> Kerr?"
Tom: if he did, would he be THROWING HIMSELF OFF A CLIFF??!!!
> "I had family, but I'd be a stranger to them if ever I saw them
> again. I had Anna..." He stared at the ground. Keyhna didn't pry,
> but waited patiently for him to continue. "I had a lover, but she
> was an undercover agent for the Federation. I didn't know it...and
> when I found out I...I killed her. I've learned not to trust, and
> no one trusts me."
Tom and Crow: [singing, as Avon] I am a rock, I am an iiiiiiiisland.
> "How could you stand that?" Keyhna asked, leaning toward him.
Tom: Wakachikawakachika...
> "How could you survive knowing that everyone was afraid of you--that
> no one cared if you lived or died? It's a miracle that you held out
> for as long as you did. You must have nerves of steel, Kerr.
Joel: Ahhhh--Avon's a robot! That explains the weird behavior--it's a
virus!
Tom: Hey--no robot gags. You're outnumbered here.
> Avon said nothing. He was not sure whether to tell her how he
> really felt or to hide it, as he had for so long. He looked up, and
> his eyes met hers.
Tom: [Avon's eyes] Pleased to meet you. I'd shake hands, but I haven't
got any.
> "I just put it all away--all of my emotion. I
> replaced it with greed and indifference. I do not have nerves of
> steel, Keyhna. I have a heart of stone."
Joel: [Keyhna] Drat. Guess I'll need a really good knife to stab you
with, then.
> "*Had*," Keyhna stressed. "The slate's been wiped clean, Kerr.
Tom: So he's got a heart of slate?
Joel: Close enough.
> You can start again."
Orac: [Keyhna] Simply press control-alt-delete.
Tom: Wish the author had known that...
> "Nothing has changed. No one trusts me."
> "*I* trust you.
Joel: [Keyhna] Never mind that you've just told me about your history
of murdering your lovers--I'm sure it'll be different for me!
> And that's a start, right?" She smiled at
> him. "We've been through a lot, both of us. We know pain. I shared
> mine with you. You shared your pain, too, Kerr.
Crow: So...they're *both* into S&M, huh? That proves it--they're
perfect for each other.
> That's over."
Tom: Wish *this* was.
> Avon thought about this for a while, then stood again. "I'm
> tired," he said. "I'm going to rest." He started for the cave.
> "Do that," Keyhna said. "A rest is good for you."
Orac: I see our avatar is a mistress of the bleeding obvious.
> She watched
> him enter the cave, then sighed and shook her head. "That poor,
> wretched man..."
Joel: [Keyhna] I need to fix him and make it all better!
[CONTINUED in Part 3.]