Misting: First Date/Marriage of the Millennium [MMPR] [5/5]
MBlackw415
>of communicating with the Dark Fortress, the majority of the
>enemy fleet was in a state of confusion, and easily defeated.
>That left only the Ectomorphicons and the Dark Fortress.
Crow: If they had just ordered some lightbulbs, it'd be the
Dusky Fortress.
> The
>AstroMegazord and ZeoUltrazord attacked the Dark Fortress,
>keeping it from aiming it's many lasers at Earth, while the
>majority of the Ranger fleet attacked Hornitor and Scorpitron.
>"Never a comet when you need one," Brian told the
>others, thinking of his movie.
Tom: So Brian made Deep Impact too?
> Ninjor and the Alien Rangers
>managed to defeat Scorpitron, while Hornitor was easily
>vanquished by the legendary TurboMegazord spin-out.
Crow: Watch out, Sonic's at the controls of the TurboMegazord!
> Now, only
>the Dark Fortress remained.
>
Mike: [singing] The fortress' so dark, I've got to wear shades!
>The Ranger fleet turned it's attention to the Dark Fortress.
>Inside, Dark Spectre knew what to do.
Tom: [as Dark Spectre] We need waffles! Stat! And lots of 'em!
> "Astronema," he bellowed,
>"aim that special beam at what remains of Muranthias. Let my
>brother, Maligore, live again." Astronema obediently activated a
>strange, red ray, aimed at the remains of the island of
>Muranthias. The massive rock formations which had once been the
>fearsome Maligore were re-animated.
Mike: So that's what Easter Island was for!
> "Now," Dark Spectre
>commanded, "Super-energize him and place him in the center of
>Angel Grove."
Tom: Oh no, not Angel Grove again!
Crow: You know, if I had a large mutant attacking monster, there
would be MUCH better places to set it down than some "Saved
By The Bell" Californian city!
> A purple beam replaced the red one, moving from
>Muranthias to Angel Grove. Alpha 7's voice echoed through the
>fleet. "Ok-ok-ok,
Tom: Joe Pesci *is* Alpha 7!
Mike: You've done that one.
Tom: It's still funny.
> Maligore is back, and he's turning Angel Grove
>into a land fill.
Mike: Maligore must be playing Sim City 3000.
Crow: Nah. If he was, we'd be seeing an annoying "You're
out of water" message.
> We need as many as you can spare down here
>a.s.a.p."
>
Crow: [as Alpha] But please, RSVP.
>Without a thought,
Tom: An apt description of the Rangers.
> DinoUltrazord, NinjaMegaFalconzord, and
>TurboMegazord were attacking Maligore, while the others kept
>attacking the Dark Fortress.
Mike: The Rangers were hampered when they gained the powers
of tapeworms and they had to consume 6000 pounds of food
before they could continue the attack.
> Both battles were fierce, with the
>Earth-bound Rangers defeating Maligore, before more of Angel
>Grove could be decimated, but in space, the battle was going the
>other way.
>
Mike: The Drazi had shown up and were attacking the Rangers.
Crow: They'll just have to hold out until the White Star
arrives.
Tom: So, this'll be a crossover with Space Cruiser Titanic?
>The Dark Fortress has disabled all but the AstroMegazord, and now
>the two behemoths were locked in a titanic struggle.
Tom: [as Bart] Did I ever tell you about the time I was nearly
killed aboard the Titanic?
> The two
>sides kept turning the tide back and forth for what seemed like
>hours.
Mike: Earth's oceanographic biosphere was ruined!
> Bart and Ashley were kept busy with repair after repair,
>system after system, trying to keep the AstroMegazord at peak
>performance.
Mike: [as Scotty] She canne hold for much longer, cap't!
> "Even with my un-Earthly stamina," Bart told Ashley,
>"I'm being run ragged.
Crow: [as Ashley] Should I get you some oysters tiger?
> I just hope that these repairs are making
>a difference." "I hope so, too," Ashley responded, "With the
>group that went to take out Maligore now rescuing the others,
>before they lose their life-support systems, we're pretty much
>Earth's last hope."
Tom: [as Ashley] Except for PumaMan, or course. And Superfuzz.
Oh, and Condorman too...
> Just as Ashley finished saying that, a
>massive blast from the Dark Fortress disabled AstroMegazord's
>most crucial system,
Tom: The stereo system?
Crow: The sunroof?
Mike: The dual climate control?
> the engine stabilizer.
All: Oh...
Mike: So their engine will be knocking. Just fill her up with a
higher octane!
> The young lovers
>turned their complete attention to the stabilizer, for if that
>failed, the AstroMegazord would self-destruct.
Crow: Don't you usually have to have 3 senior officers present
in order to initiate self-destruct?
> They worked for
>ten minutes, but to no avail. The engine would de-stabilize
>within fifteen minutes, destroying the AstroMegazord, and all
>within.
>
Tom: ... and taking out most of the western Spiral Arm of the
Milky Way.
>Bart and Ashley went to the bridge to tell the others of their
>dire situation in person. D.E.C.A. informed them, "I estimate
>ten minutes until destruction."
Mike: It took them 5 minutes to get to the bridge?
Tom: Given their previous adventures, I think they stepped into
a broom closet for a minute.
> Andros inquired, "D.E.C.A., would
>the destruction be enough to destroy the Dark Fortress?" After a
>few seconds of computation, D.E.C.A. replied, "If we were close
>enough, the explosion would destroy both the AstroMegazord and
>the Dark Fortress."
Crow: And the moon! And Mars too!
Tom: And any satellites in orbit around those places.
Mike: Like us?
Crow: Yeah, like... hey!
> Andros immediately took charge, "All right,
>Cassie, you man the helm, steer us right for the Dark Fortress.
>TJ, keep a tractor beam lock on them, so they don't try to
>escape. Carlos, keep the weapons firing, we'll make them think
>we're pressing the attack in a suicide run."
Mike: [as Andros] I'll be in the only escape shuttle, seeya suckers!
> Bart and Ashley
>asked in unison, "What about us?" Andros told them,
Tom: [as Andros] You'll be dead in a few minutes, so you'd better
make out now.
> "It only
>takes four of us to do this, the two of you evacuate. You have
>your whole lives ahead of you."
Crow: Bart and Ashley died the next day as roadkill.
> Bart and Ashley said farewell to
>their closest friends, and then, reluctantly headed towards The
>Ashley. The small shuttle departed and entered Earth's
>atmosphere just as the engines of the Megaship reached critical
>mass.
>
Mike: Critics appeared and began attacking the violence and the
lack of plot in the show.
>Bart turned the ship around in time for the two of them to
>witness the explosion.
Mike: Bart's a gawker!
Tom: Probably the cause of all the major traffic jams in Angel
Grove.
> It was both the most beautiful and tragic
>site they had ever seen. They wept for the loss of their friends
>and teammates, though, if they had been monitoring the scanners,
>they would have seen
Tom: ... the train before it hit them.
Mike: Why don't they look?
> a small, unidentifiable blip moving out of
>range just before the explosion. Was it the Megaship's logs
>being ejected?
All: Ewwww....
Crow: Well, when you gotta go, you gotta go...
> Or was it the Phantom Ranger's ship, having
>rescued Cassie at the last second.
Mike: Or was it a hope for a sequel to this fanfic?
> That is a mystery for another
>day. Meanwhile, at the Crowmeowme Estate, the other Rangers
>looked at the explosion, fearing all six Rangers were lost.
>Brian and Bob wept for the presumed loss of their cousin, before
>they celebrated their pyrrhic victory against the forces of evil.
Crow: [as Bart] My brother is dead, let's PARTY!
>Soon, a shadow was cast over the group, and they feared it was
>one last assault.
Mike: But they soon realized that Tommy had gained the powers
of the shade tree, tall and shadowy.
Tom: [as Bart] AHHH!!!! It's the aliens from ID4! They're back and
they're *really* pissed at Jeff Goldblum!
> They were pleasantly surprised when The Ashley
>landed in the middle of the private airfield.
Crow: *The* Ashley?
Mike: She must have the same agent as TV's Frank.
> Bart and Ashley
>shared the tale of their friends' sacrifice, and of their
>engagement.
Mike: Doesn't anyone mourn in this fanfic?!
> A bit of sadness and a lot of cheer fills the
>remaining Rangers' hearts.
>
Tom: And a WHOLE lot of cholesterol.
>A few days later, a memorial service was held, honoring not only
>the fallen Rangers, but Billy's family as well. Even though only
>a few Rangers had met Cestria, and none of them had met their
>offspring, the assembled Rangers mourned Billy's loss.
All: We feel your pain!
> Billy was
>comforted by both Brian, who was his best friend before Billy
>left for Aquitar, and by Trini, for whom Billy has secretly
>harbored feelings.
Crow: [as Trini] Marry me! Now!
> A morphed Bart and Ashley were given the un-
>enviable task of telling TJ, Cassie, and Carlos' families of
>their secret and their sacrifice.
Mike: The Power Rangers were then sued in unlawful death suits.
> Brian sent an anonymous
>release to the mass media, letting them know what the explosion
>in the sky was,
Tom: It was just swamp gas, I tell you!
Mike: Now look into this little red light and....
Crow: [as Mulder] It's an X-Files, I tell you, Scully!
> as well as of the sacrifice of four Power
>Rangers, the only four whose identities would be revealed to the
>general public of Earth.
Mike: [as Brian] Jerry, George, Kramer and Elaine were really the
Power Rangers?
Crow: Our prayers have been answered!
> Within a few days, things were getting
>back to normal. Repairs to both Angel Grove and the
>Crowmeowme mansion were going well. The many zords were fully
>repaired and placed on stand-by, should they ever be needed.
Mike: Or just in case Mexican TV decides to make a cheap TV series
using the PR footage.
>Dulcea returned to Phaedos, and the Alien Rangers returned to
>Aquitar, to help repair their homeworld.
Tom: At times like this, I think we need CAPTAIN PLANET!
>
>By April 1, Billy's birthday, things were back to normal.
Mike: Just kidding! Everything's still a wreck!
Tom: April Fools!
> Billy
>had just returned from Aquitar, where he buried his loved ones
>and settled his affairs, before returning to his homeworld. Bart
>and Ashley continued their wedding plans, and decide to leave
>four color-coded chairs empty, as a tribute to their fallen
>comrades.
Crow: Some people build monuments as tributes. The Power Rangers?
They leave out empty folding chairs.
Mike: "Four Funerals and a Wedding", coming this summer to a
theater near you.
> Trini had moved back to Angel Grove, for she admitted
>that she had feelings for Billy as well. The two of them were
>starting to build a relationship. In mid-April, the Rangers went
>east for Jason and Emily's wedding.
Mike: Among the beautiful landfills of New Jersey.
> It was a beautiful ceremony,
>and Bart and Ashley took notes for their impending marriage.
Tom: [as Ashley] Note to self - cannot wear white.
>Brian loaned the newlyweds his private yacht, Kim's Glory, for
>their honeymoon.
Tom: [as Brian] It's made of steel, you know!
Mike: ARGH!
> Jason told his former teammate, "We'll have it
>back in Angel Grove harbor before Bart and Ashley tie the knot."
Crow: It generally helps to moor the boat before you tie the knot.
>After the wedding, the Rangers went to Crowmeowme Castle
>in England, were Lord Robert and Lady Katherine hosted a grand
>medieval tournament.
All: HUZZAH!
Crow: And Ashley picked up an old fashioned chastity belt.
> Surprisingly, it was Sir Justin, of the
>house of Stewart,
Mike: Patrick Stewart?
> who won the day, in honor of his fallen friends
>TJ, Carlos, and Cassie.
>
>May was a exciting month for the Rangers. Justin graduated high
>school, and announced he would be attending M.I.T. in the fall.
Mike: MIT being the "Michigan Institute for
Twentysomething-droppouts".
>Kim, Kat, Aisha, and Tanya used Adam and Tanya's recording
>studio to record an album in tribute to the fallen Rangers.
Tom: You think that "Intergalactic Planetary" was a good choice
for this?
> The
>cover showed the assembled Rangers, bowing their heads in
>tribute. The main performers were billed as Pink Ranger, Zeo
>Ranger I, Yellow Ninja Ranger, and Zeo Ranger II, to keep their
>true identities secret.
Crow: Ah, so it was a rap album...
Mike: Unfortunately, the copyrights were listed under the Ranger's
real names.
Tom: Tough break there.
> The most popular cut was Kim's stirring
>solo, Down the Road, the song she originally wrote for Tommy
>when he lost the Green Ranger powers.
Mike: The Bee Gees would later perform that song in "Power Rangers'
Lonely Hearts Club Band."
> It was made even more
>stirring, thanks to Brian's violin accompaniment. Two of the
>songs on the album had been written by Cassie, just three weeks
>before her presumed demise. The album went gold with a week, and
>by the time Bart and Ashley got married, it was a double
>platinum.
Crow: So they only sold 3 copies of this album?
> All proceeds from the album was divided between TJ,
>Cassie, and Carlos' families, and the Angel Grove Reconstruction
>Fund.
Tom: [pleading] Please, help us rebuild our lost Capuccino
drivethru on the corner of Main and 5th! We need every
cent we can get!
> A platinum copy of the album became the centerpiece of
>Angel Grove's new Ranger Museum.
>
Mike: Which was soon destroyed by a confused Flash's Rogues Gallery.
>Finally, we return to where we opened, Bart and Ashley's wedding
>day.
Mike: Ahhh! We're looping back on the story!
> All the guests were seated, and a wonderful string quartet
>provided music for the celebration. Bart has selected Brian as
>his best man, with Bart and Justin as groomsmen. Ashley chose
>Kim as matron of honor,
Tom: So, Harrington's going to be chaperoned by Kim then?
Crow: These crossovers are getting weirder and weirder.
> with Kat and Tanya as bridesmaids. Judge
>Timothy Stone, Lt Stone's uncle, presided over the ceremonies.
Crow: [as a judge] I find you, Bart Crowmeowme, in contempt of this
wedding! 30 years, with no chance for parole!
>Soon, the procession began. First came Kimberly Katherine
>Crowmeowme, the two-year old daughter of Brian and Kim, who was
>selected as flower girl. Then, five year old Willy and two year
>old Alfred, cousins who were co-ring bearers.
Mike: That ring must weight a lot!
Tom: It's made of steel, you know...
> Then, Tanya, Kat
>and Kim marched down the aisle. Finally, the quartet began that
>most awaited song
Mike: o/~ Don't. Give. Up. You got the music in you...o/~
[Crow bites Mike on the shoulder.]
Mike: Ow!
Tom: No more New Radicals, Mike.
> as Ashley and her father appeared at the end
>of the aisle. Ashley was a vision in white, with just a few hints
>of yellow.
Crow: A-HA!
Mike: No.
Tom: Presumably, her father's still in that pair of coveralls.
> Her bouquet was composed of yellow flowers, including
>roses. On her finger, the 14-k diamond engagement ring Bart had
>hand-made for her.
Tom: Bart made the diamond too by taking a lump of coal, putting it
in a blender and leaving it in the oven overnight.
> As he gave his daughter to her beloved, Mr
>Hammond told Bart, "Take good care of my little girl."
Tom: [as Mr Hammond] Or I'll make you visit our family again.
> "I will
>sir," Bart replied.
>
>Before the ceremony began, a moment of silence for those who gave
>their lives saving the earth was done, at the bride and groom's
>request.
Mike: Then they asked for a moment of silence for those
brave men who died saving Private Ryan.
> Then, Judge Stone began the ceremony. It was a
>wonderful ceremony, with bride and groom exchanging their
>personalized vows. Bart made both wedding bands, using the purest
>gold to make the twin circles.
Crow: Handcuffs?
Mike: I've heard of being close, but this is ridiculous!
> The ceremony lasted half and
>hour, with rose petal being thrown at the newlyweds as they ran
>up the aisle.
Tom: A single rose petal? Must of used the wedding budget for those 4
extra chairs instead of more rose petals.
> Within fifteen minutes, the reception began in the
>main ballroom.
>
Crow: But first, they had to clear out the corpse of Mr. Boddy.
Mike: Apparently, he'd been killed with a singing candlestick
by Mrs. Peacock and a beast who talked like Robbie Benson.
>Bart's special lasagna, which was Ashley's favorite, was among
>the dinner choices for the guests.
Mike: Oh, *real* good choice for a bride in white!
Tom: There was also a fine selection of red wines, Tomato soups,
and other fun finger foods.
> Brian and Bob had made an
>elaborate cake, which ushers Bulk and Skull were allowed nowhere
>near until after it had been cut.
Crow: Gah, they're still around? How come they're never crushed
when Angel Grove is demolished?!
> Soon, the time for the first
>dance came. As was Crowmeowme tradition, a song from a Disney
>movie was chosen as the newlywed couple's "song".
All: AHHHH!
Mike: Wait a minute, isn't Crowmeowme like over a 100 years old
on the earth? And how long as Disney been around?
> Brian and Kim
>had chosen Elton John's "Can You Feel The Love Tonight" from The
>Lion King.
Mike: The Kid's Crew will be along shortly to sing that one
for us.
> Bob and Kat used "A Whole New World", from Aladdin.
>For Bart and Ashley,
Tom: "I Wish, I Wish, I Wish I Were a Fish" from The Incredible
Mr. Limpet.
> "Someday" from The Hunchback of Notre Dame.
>
Mike: I have a very bad feeling that next week, Pearl will be
sending us up Davy-kin's and co., singing "From Zero to Hero".
>After the reception, Mr and Mrs Bartholomew Crowmeowme made their
>way to the estate's guest house, once occupied by Tanya, for a
>private wedding night.
Crow: ...films of which appeared on the internet within hours.
> That night, Bart injected Ashley with the
>same potion Brain and Bob had injected into Kim and Kat, the
>immortality potion.
Mike: No way! No no, no way!
Crow: I think the author meant, "with a needle", Mike.
> With that, Ashley's longevity would be
>assured. In a week, after celebrating Alfred's third birthday,
>Bob and Kat's fourth anniversary, and Brian and Kim's sixth
>anniversary, the newlyweds would depart for a month-long
>European honeymoon.
Tom: They'll be off for a whirlwind tour of Freedonia, Latveria,
Markovia, and Grand Fenwick.
> They would travel to New York on the
>family's private jet. From there, they would fly the Concorde to
>London. After London, they would take a car from Bob and Kat's
>castle on a ferry to Paris.
Mike: That's either a really big ferry or a really small castle.
> From Paris, they would drive to
>Vienna, Berlin, Madrid, Rome, and finally, Athens.
Crow: Dear lord!
Mike: Who designed their itinerary? Billy Keane?
> From Athens,
>the car would be sent back to London via air freight, while Bart
>and Ashley would meet a cruise ship that would take them back to
>California.
Tom: Maybe they can stop by Japan and fight Godzilla, Gamera,
and that Taxing Woman.
> The honeymoon would be the perfect start to a
>perfect marriage which would last for centuries. And they lived
>happily ever after.
>
Crow: At least until Garth Ennis took over the script writing
chores, but that's a story for another day.
Tom: Let's leave before they start showing slides of their
vacation.
[Mike scoops up Tom and they begin to leave the theater.]
Mike: By the way, I never saw the hula dancing bears.
Crow: Really? Huh. I saw them.
Tom: Me too. Plain as day.
Crow: You're just not very observant, Mike.
[They exit.]
[1 . . . 2 . . . 3 . . . 4 . . . 5 . . . 6 . . .]
[The bridge is dark. The silhouettes of Mike, Tom, Crow
and Gypsy can be seen in the background.]
Magic Voice: Ladies and Gentlemen. In honor of today's
story, the Satellite of Love is proud to present
"Chickenish Soup for the Power Rangers' Souls."
[A spotlight shines on each person as they speak.]
Mike: True love is by far the most powerful force
in the universe. Except for Zords.
Crow: If your true love is ever kidnapped by a vampire,
be sure to bring along some Italian food, because
she'll be hungry.
Tom: The answer to any problem can be found merely
by gained the powers of a spirit animal.
Gypsy: Never place all of your Zords in one basket.
Mike: Angel Grove. It's a nice place to visit, but you
wouldn't want to live there.
Crow: Remember, space is flat like a big pancake.
Tom: Steel. Need I say more?
Gypsy: Pool is much easier if you have telekinetic
powers. Or if you're Paul Newman.
Mike: Disney music sets the perfect mood for romance.
Except if the song is "Chim-chim-inee."
Crow: So, getting animal powers hasn't solved your
problems? Well, how about getting a bunch of
your friends show up and blow themselves up?
That should fix things!
Tom: Chateau d' Cuisine. The place to eat whenever
you're in Angel grove.
Mike: [O.S.] What?
Tom: They slipped me $100 to say that.
Gypsy: Whenever life gets you down, take a moment
to reflect on all of the joys of life. The
feeling of sunlight on your face. The quiet
during a snowfall. The sound of laughter.
The beauty of the stars. All of these special
things, and more, can lift your spirits and
make life's tradgedies seem not so great.
[The lights brighten and Mike, Servo and Crow
walk over to Gypsy.]
Crow: Wow.
Tom: That was really nice, Gypsy.
Gypsy: Thanks! It was part of that sunscreen song.
Mike: Oh. Well, it was still nice. [To the screen.]
What do you think, Pearl?
[Castle Forrester]
Pearl: It looks like you survived another one, Mike.
Bobo: Excuse me, Lawgiver, but there's one thing that's
bothering me.
Pearl: Spill it, Bobo.
Bobo: Well, wasn't there something about a computer
in the opening?
Observer: Yes, there was. Were you planning on
leaving that plot thread dangling, Michael?
[SoL]
[The computer is once again set up, and Crow, Mike
and Tom stand around the computer.]
Mike: Oh, that. I'm not sure of that one myself. Well,
let's have Bit and Byte here explain it to you.
Tom: We've got one heck of a multimedia presentation here
for you tonight! All we have to do is turn the
power strip on. Crow, if you'll do the honors?
Crow: Certainly. [Crow disappears behind the counter.]
Okay! Here we go!
[A <click> can be heard and an instant later the
screen goes black.]
Tom: [O.S.] Heh. I guess we kinda overloaded the
circuit. Whoopsie.
Mike: [O.S.] Yeah. Whoopsie.
[The end credit music begins to play.]
"First Date/ Marriage of the Millennium" was written by:
Matt Blackwell <mbla...@ix.netcom.com>
Michael K. Neylon <mne...@engin.umich.edu>
Original Stories by:
Gold Astro Ranger
"Mystery Science Theater 3000" and its related characters and
situations are trademarks of and copyrighted [c] 1998 by Best
Brains, Inc. All rights reserved.
"Mighty Morphing Power Rangers" and its related characters
and situations are trademarks of and copyrighted [c] 1999 by
Saban Entertainment and Fox.
Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for non-
commercial parody, review, and commentary purposes only; no
infringement on the original copyrights or trademarks held by
Best Brains, Inc., Saban Entertainment, Twentieth Century Fox, the
or anyone else, is intended or should be inferred.
Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for
entertainment purposes only; no infringement on the original
copyrights or trademarks held by others is intended or should
be inferred.
No personal insults to author(s), character(s), or situation(s)
are or should be implied. All characters in this work are
fictional except for those who aren't , and any resemblance
to actual people, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
Special thanks to:
Bob's House of Spirit Animals, fufilling your spirit animal
needs for over 3 millenia
Chris Sawyer, and his Rollercoaster of Looove.
and
Gold Astro Ranger, for graciously allowing his fics to be
riffed
Keep circulating the posts.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
> "Back in the
>early 1900s, when my main business was steel, I had supplied some
>steel to build the Titanic. "
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *